GM's thread about nothing (68 Viewers)

[Thorn]

Thorn> we booking?

Not now, I'm sober.

All your cash tied up with the Mattress Giant?

I think I should start insisting she refer to me as Mattress Giant.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

I'd keep freewheeling. But I hate people.

Me too. I'm 90% anti-social and I like it. If I go get this poon, I'd have to take it with me to Vegas. I just don't know about that.

I am smitten smote clean through with that ******* cupid's arrow though.

Why on earth would you brown-bag it to Las Vegas???

"Taking a girl to Vegas is like taking a bag of rice to China" Dean Martin

 

[Captain Quinoa]

Thorn> we booking?

Not now, I'm sober.

All your cash tied up with the Mattress Giant?

I think I should start insisting she refer to me as Mattress Giant.

My wife calls me 'pillow top'

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

I once killed a rat in my kitchen with a pellet gun. I started a pretty good thread about it many years ago but someone, who shall be nameless, deleted all of my threads.

You're apparently supposed to just chase it around your kitchen with the pellet gun. Where do you get off actually shooting the thing?

I have to satisfy my bloodlust somehow.

 

[T Bell]

Page 2 save

Also Mitch Hedberg jokes (K4 posted to FB)

All time favorite.

Agree. Read the whole thing at work today. Laughed my ### off.I managed to have a lunch session with the local chapter of the American Marketing Association and a dinner where we were honored as one of the Best Companies to Work for in Texas. It would have been the perfect workday if I could have found someone to buy my breakfast.

Now drinking Bulleit, America's favorite bourbon, and catching up on things.

Jesus do you ever actually work?

I'm developing and leveraging my network for business results and community improvement all the time. So, not really.

I'm just glad someone asked you this question for once instead of me!

Thanks for the support guys. On a related note, I just got an email from the president of the local United Way saying that they want to nominate me for a spot on their Board. So the Board would be several people who run the biggest companies in town and that goober from the insurance company who has the tailgate bus.

Anyone want to guess which board member will be setting up the local golf tournament and selecting the beer wenches?

 

[T Bell]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

I'd keep freewheeling. But I hate people.

Me too. I'm 90% anti-social and I like it. If I go get this poon, I'd have to take it with me to Vegas. I just don't know about that.

I am smitten smote clean through with that ******* cupid's arrow though.

Why on earth would you brown-bag it to Las Vegas???

"Taking a girl to Vegas is like taking a bag of rice to China" Dean Martin

"Vegas hookers are nice if you ever want to #### 2000 of something." - Mitch Hedberg

 

[T Bell]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

you can hire me as a golf/fishing/poker buddy. Guaranteed cheaper than poon.

ETA I'm not picky about mattresses

See? Thank you! And better yet I have a couple friends I don't even have to hire for that stuff. But, what if this hypothetical poon was dripping in her ex's ?

#### me

Wow, you really are a whore.

 

[General Malaise]

"Taking a girl to Vegas is like taking a Fleshlight to a cooter convention". - Woodrow Wilson

 

[General Malaise]

ANNOUNCE!!!!

I will be running a Master's Contest Thingee. Cost to join is $20. It's the same format that JTC used to run back in the halcyon days of yore. Details to follow, but it promises to be fun.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

ANNOUNCE!!!!

I will be running a Master's Contest Thingee. Cost to join is $20. It's the same format that JTC used to run back in the halcyon days of yore. Details to follow, but it promises to be fun.

Like your FF Thingee?

 

[T Bell]

Thorn> we booking?

Not now, I'm sober.

All your cash tied up with the Mattress Giant?

I think I should start insisting she refer to me as Mattress Giant.

Did you let her try you out first before bringing you home?

 

[General Malaise]

ANNOUNCE!!!!

I will be running a Master's Contest Thingee. Cost to join is $20. It's the same format that JTC used to run back in the halcyon days of yore. Details to follow, but it promises to be fun.

Like your FF Thingee?

WERE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED???!1/

 

[General Malaise]

What do you do with all those extra mattresses laying around? Burn them for warmth?

 

[belljr]

"Taking a girl to Vegas is like taking a Fleshlight to a cooter convention". - Woodrow Wilson

How did cooter ever stop being used....how

 

[General Malaise]

"Taking a girl to Vegas is like taking a Fleshlight to a cooter convention". - Woodrow Wilson

How did cooter ever stop being used....how

Got overtaken by 'hatchet-wound' and 'open pit dining' in the 90's and never really recovered. I'm on board to bring it back.

 

[T Bell]

"Taking a girl to Vegas is like taking a Fleshlight to a cooter convention". - Woodrow Wilson

How did cooter ever stop being used....how

Got overtaken by 'hatchet-wound' and 'open pit dining' in the 90's and never really recovered. I'm on board to bring it back.

He ruined it for everybody.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Going to give "cooter" a thumbsdown.

Reminds me of the guy on "Dukes of Hazzard". Not an association I want to make. It is settled.

ETA:

 

[T Bell]

Going to give "cooter" a thumbsdown.

Reminds me of the guy on "Dukes of Hazzard". Not an association I want to make. It is settled.

ETA:

:slapithigh:

 

[Thorn]

They arrived at 2:47.

For all the hookers in Vegas I couldn't tell you which mattress was which.

 

[Chaos Commish]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

you can hire me as a golf/fishing/poker buddy. Guaranteed cheaper than poon.

ETA I'm not picky about mattresses

See? Thank you! And better yet I have a couple friends I don't even have to hire for that stuff. But, what if this hypothetical poon was dripping in her ex's ?

#### me

Wow, you really are a whore.

 

[UniAlias]

ANNOUNCE!!!!

I will be running a Master's Contest Thingee. Cost to join is $20. It's the same format that JTC used to run back in the halcyon days of yore. Details to follow, but it promises to be fun.

IN.

 

[General Malaise]

ANNOUNCE!!!!

I will be running a Master's Contest Thingee. Cost to join is $20. It's the same format that JTC used to run back in the halcyon days of yore. Details to follow, but it promises to be fun.

IN.

Thank you, Uni. You're non-grumpy, enthusiastic reply is greeted with sincere thanks, unlike the response of a curmudgeonly old civic's teacher who confiscates jelly dildos from his students.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

ANNOUNCE!!!!

I will be running a Master's Contest Thingee. Cost to join is $20. It's the same format that JTC used to run back in the halcyon days of yore. Details to follow, but it promises to be fun.

IN.

Thank you, Uni. You're non-grumpy, enthusiastic reply is greeted with sincere thanks, unlike the response of a curmudgeonly old civic's teacher who confiscates jelly dildos from his students.

Is this a frosty-sized pool or a big one?

 

[T Bell]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

you can hire me as a golf/fishing/poker buddy. Guaranteed cheaper than poon.

ETA I'm not picky about mattresses

See? Thank you! And better yet I have a couple friends I don't even have to hire for that stuff. But, what if this hypothetical poon was dripping in her ex's ?

#### me

Wow, you really are a whore.

I'm just responding to the comment. Does she possess other, um, talents?

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

ANNOUNCE!!!!

I will be running a Master's Contest Thingee. Cost to join is $20. It's the same format that JTC used to run back in the halcyon days of yore. Details to follow, but it promises to be fun.

IN.

Thank you, Uni. You're non-grumpy, enthusiastic reply is greeted with sincere thanks, unlike the response of a curmudgeonly old civic's teacher who confiscates jelly dildos from his students.

I just wanted to know if you were going to keep the rules to yourself until after the draft.

 

[Abraham]

ANNOUNCE!!!!

I will be running a Master's Contest Thingee. Cost to join is $20. It's the same format that JTC used to run back in the halcyon days of yore. Details to follow, but it promises to be fun.

IN.

Thank you, Uni. You're non-grumpy, enthusiastic reply is greeted with sincere thanks, unlike the response of a curmudgeonly old civic's teacher who confiscates jelly dildos from his students.

I just wanted to know if you were going to keep the rules to yourself until after the draft.

Stupid David Wilson.

 

[General Malaise]

ANNOUNCE!!!!

I will be running a Master's Contest Thingee. Cost to join is $20. It's the same format that JTC used to run back in the halcyon days of yore. Details to follow, but it promises to be fun.

IN.

Thank you, Uni. You're non-grumpy, enthusiastic reply is greeted with sincere thanks, unlike the response of a curmudgeonly old civic's teacher who confiscates jelly dildos from his students.

Is this a frosty-sized pool or a big one?

I'm hoping we get around 20-30 folks. My dad, FIL, BILs and some co-workers are going to play. I'll roll the invite out here and to a few of the other leagues I run. Figure $20 is the sweet spot to get people interested. We'll tier the golfers into 4 or 5 tiers and you'll assemble your 'roster' from the tiers. Pretty simple. Lotta fun. Usually comes down to the wire. I'm a casual golf fan at best, but I love the Masters and really enjoy this contest.

 

[General Malaise]

ANNOUNCE!!!!

I will be running a Master's Contest Thingee. Cost to join is $20. It's the same format that JTC used to run back in the halcyon days of yore. Details to follow, but it promises to be fun.

IN.

Thank you, Uni. You're non-grumpy, enthusiastic reply is greeted with sincere thanks, unlike the response of a curmudgeonly old civic's teacher who confiscates jelly dildos from his students.

I just wanted to know if you were going to keep the rules to yourself until after the draft.

Status update on the dildo?

 

[heckmanm]

ANNOUNCE!!!!

I will be running a Master's Contest Thingee. Cost to join is $20. It's the same format that JTC used to run back in the halcyon days of yore. Details to follow, but it promises to be fun.

IN.

Thank you, Uni. You're non-grumpy, enthusiastic reply is greeted with sincere thanks, unlike the response of a curmudgeonly old civic's teacher who confiscates jelly dildos from his students.

Is this a frosty-sized pool or a big one?

I'm hoping we get around 20-30 folks. My dad, FIL, BILs and some co-workers are going to play. I'll roll the invite out here and to a few of the other leagues I run. Figure $20 is the sweet spot to get people interested. We'll tier the golfers into 4 or 5 tiers and you'll assemble your 'roster' from the tiers. Pretty simple. Lotta fun. Usually comes down to the wire. I'm a casual golf fan at best, but I love the Masters and really enjoy this contest.

No "Tiger dilemma", which is nice.

ETA - for us. Not so much for Eldrick.

 

[Henry Ford]

ANNOUNCE!!!!

I will be running a Master's Contest Thingee. Cost to join is $20. It's the same format that JTC used to run back in the halcyon days of yore. Details to follow, but it promises to be fun.

IN.

Thank you, Uni. You're non-grumpy, enthusiastic reply is greeted with sincere thanks, unlike the response of a curmudgeonly old civic's teacher who confiscates jelly dildos from his students.

I just wanted to know if you were going to keep the rules to yourself until after the draft.

Status update on the dildo?

I haven't seen Eminence in a long time.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

No dildo update. Pretty sure it is still chillin' in the counselor's office cupboard.

 

[General Malaise]

No dildo update. Pretty sure it is still chillin' in the counselor's office cupboard.

Sneak in there and replace it with an elf on the shelf.

 

[Henry Ford]

No dildo update. Pretty sure it is still chillin' in the counselor's office cupboard.

Sneak in there and replace it with an elf on the shelf.

Or a picture of the principal's mom.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

No dildo update. Pretty sure it is still chillin' in the counselor's office cupboard.

Sneak in there and replace it with an elf on the shelf.

I'm not going near that thing. I've never seen the mom but I've met the dad and have the kid as a student. I'm just going to assume this woman is a trainwreck.

 

[Sammy3469]

Even gambling cant male golf fun

 

[Kraft...]

"Taking a girl to Vegas is like taking a Fleshlight to a cooter convention". - Woodrow Wilson

How did cooter ever stop being used....how

The Dukes of Hazzard

 

[General Malaise]

Dukes of Cooter

 

[Limp Ditka]

No dildo update. Pretty sure it is still chillin' in the counselor's office cupboard.

Sneak in there and replace it with an elf on the shelf.

I'm not going near that thing. I've never seen the mom but I've met the dad and have the kid as a student. I'm just going to assume this woman is a trainwreck.

Not touching it on the off chance that the mother is a stripper

 

[Limp Ditka]

 

[General Malaise]

No dildo update. Pretty sure it is still chillin' in the counselor's office cupboard.

Sneak in there and replace it with an elf on the shelf.

I'm not going near that thing. I've never seen the mom but I've met the dad and have the kid as a student. I'm just going to assume this woman is a trainwreck.

Not touching it on the off chance that the mother is a stripper

You're picturing a stripper? I'm picturing the matriarchal gang leader from "Goonies".

 

[Henry Ford]

Even gambling cant male golf fun

fortunately drinking can.

 

[Kraft...]

ANNOUNCE!!!!

I will be running a Master's Contest Thingee. Cost to join is $20. It's the same format that JTC used to run back in the halcyon days of yore. Details to follow, but it promises to be fun.

IN.

Thank you, Uni. You're non-grumpy, enthusiastic reply is greeted with sincere thanks, unlike the response of a curmudgeonly old civic's teacher who confiscates jelly dildos from his students.

Is this a frosty-sized pool or a big one?

I'm hoping we get around 20-30 folks. My dad, FIL, BILs and some co-workers are going to play. I'll roll the invite out here and to a few of the other leagues I run. Figure $20 is the sweet spot to get people interested. We'll tier the golfers into 4 or 5 tiers and you'll assemble your 'roster' from the tiers. Pretty simple. Lotta fun. Usually comes down to the wire. I'm a casual golf fan at best, but I love the Masters and really enjoy this contest.

Worlds Colliding

 

[T Bell]

No dildo update. Pretty sure it is still chillin' in the counselor's office cupboard.

Sneak in there and replace it with an elf on the shelf.

I'm not going near that thing. I've never seen the mom but I've met the dad and have the kid as a student. I'm just going to assume this woman is a trainwreck.

Not touching it on the off chance that the mother is a stripper

You're picturing a stripper? I'm picturing the matriarchal gang leader from "Goonies".

I'm pretty sure Anne Ramsey jump started her vibrators.

 

[General Malaise]

ANNOUNCE!!!!

I will be running a Master's Contest Thingee. Cost to join is $20. It's the same format that JTC used to run back in the halcyon days of yore. Details to follow, but it promises to be fun.

IN.

Thank you, Uni. You're non-grumpy, enthusiastic reply is greeted with sincere thanks, unlike the response of a curmudgeonly old civic's teacher who confiscates jelly dildos from his students.

Is this a frosty-sized pool or a big one?

I'm hoping we get around 20-30 folks. My dad, FIL, BILs and some co-workers are going to play. I'll roll the invite out here and to a few of the other leagues I run. Figure $20 is the sweet spot to get people interested. We'll tier the golfers into 4 or 5 tiers and you'll assemble your 'roster' from the tiers. Pretty simple. Lotta fun. Usually comes down to the wire. I'm a casual golf fan at best, but I love the Masters and really enjoy this contest.

Worlds Colliding

Bro, they've been colliding for years now.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

you can hire me as a golf/fishing/poker buddy. Guaranteed cheaper than poon.

ETA I'm not picky about mattresses

See? Thank you! And better yet I have a couple friends I don't even have to hire for that stuff. But, what if this hypothetical poon was dripping in her ex's ?

#### me

When you say companionship, you mean marriage and/or sharing an address, right?

Way too early in the game to be sure, but yeah, I might be doomed soon. This isn't booty call material.

Don't be an idiot like my bil who married the girl and her alimony goes bye bye to the tune of 4k a month. Moron.

 

[JerseyToughGuys]

any good cat memes on the last few pages? need a quick fix.

 

[Chaos Commish]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

you can hire me as a golf/fishing/poker buddy. Guaranteed cheaper than poon.

ETA I'm not picky about mattresses

See? Thank you! And better yet I have a couple friends I don't even have to hire for that stuff. But, what if this hypothetical poon was dripping in her ex's ?

#### me

When you say companionship, you mean marriage and/or sharing an address, right?

Way too early in the game to be sure, but yeah, I might be doomed soon. This isn't booty call material.

Don't be an idiot like my bil who married the girl and her alimony goes bye bye to the tune of 4k a month. Moron.

See what women do to us? I'm either a whore or a moron or I get the hell out.

Regardless of what TBell thinks, I hear ya. She's got a lot more coming to her from that rat.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

any good cat memes on the last few pages? need a quick fix.

related

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

No dildo update. Pretty sure it is still chillin' in the counselor's office cupboard.

Sneak in there and replace it with an elf on the shelf.

I'm not going near that thing. I've never seen the mom but I've met the dad and have the kid as a student. I'm just going to assume this woman is a trainwreck.

Not touching it on the off chance that the mother is a stripper

You're picturing a stripper? I'm picturing the matriarchal gang leader from "Goonies".

Bingo. Or Spooge's lady from Breaking Bad in a best case scenario.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

Even gambling cant male golf fun

I'm willing to try.