GM's thread about nothing (45 Viewers)

[Ignoramus]

Food snobs - I plan on surprising my wife for her birthday by staying home from work and cooking. What's the most pretentious meal I can prepare?

Rack of lamb is up there.

 

[Aaron Rudnicki]

Oh and to answer the question of "worst American adult beverage", the answer is unequivocally Great America's " Carolina Clear". Bills itself as a "Malt Substitute Beer". I was dared to finish one. I could not. I'll drink just about anything. Not this.

You've obviously never tried Malort.http://www.thrillist.com/drink/chicago/14-things-you-didn-t-know-about-malort-thrillist-chicago

I am NOT drinking any ####### malort!

5. The fan slogans are pricelessMalort is an incredibly small operation (they have two employees, including the owner), and while their budget can't afford print ads, fan-created ads are right in their wheelhouse. Here's just some of their ad wizardry:

• Malort, kick your mouth in the balls!
• Malort, when you need to unfriend someone IN PERSON.
• Malort, tonight's the night you fight your dad.
• Malort, the Champagne of pain.
• Malort, turning taste-buds into taste-foes for generations.
• Drink Malort, it's easier than telling people you have nothing to live for.
• Malort, what soap washes its mouth out with.
• Malort, these pants aren't going to #### themselves.

 

[kevzilla]

I nominate "These pants aren't going to #### themselves" as the official motto of GMTAN.

 

[ScottNorwood]

I nominate "These pants aren't going to #### themselves" as the official motto of GMTAN.

I would've went with "I like some foods, but dislike others"

 

[Frostillicus]

My dad had a colonscopy last week and had some polyps removed. He was still bleeding the next day so went back in for another procedure. Woke up this morning bleeding pretty bad so went to the hospital. He had what is being called a mild seizure following a enema they gave him. He went in for another procedure and they can't find the bleeding.

He's staying overnight at the hospital, doing better. I guess they want him to start bleeding again so they can give him a dye to help pinpoint the location. TPW welcome.

Oh man, sorry to hear but hoping it's not serious.

 

[Frostillicus]

Food snobs - I plan on surprising my wife for her birthday by staying home from work and cooking. What's the most pretentious meal I can prepare?

lots of newcomers to this space but beef wellington is still the gold standard imo.

are you looking for the best meal you are personally able to prepare, or the one that sounds most pretentious even though you're going to suck at making it? if it's the latter, there's lots of great stuff you can prepare that sounds really fancy but isn't complicated at all. you can make this three course meal on the grill.

start with a fruit course of grilled pears wrapped in prosciutto with warm, sharp cheddar, grilled pineapple. cut the pears lengthwise, and cut out any seeds. do the same with the pineapple. turn the grill to medium low and cook until they soften. they should have grill marks. put it on a plate, lay a piece of sharp cheddar cheese on it, and wrap it up with a slice of prosciutto. you can do the same thing with the pineapple - cook it till it gets grill marks - and you can wrap it in prosciutto if you want, but that's not necessary. the grill brings the sugar out and makes it really pop.

get a bottle of white wine. tell the guy at the store you want something "fruit forward" that costs less than 20 bucks.

for an entree try balsamic glazed salmon. sounds really fancy, but most grocery stores have salmon already marinated, and if they don't, here's the secret: get a piece of salmon, and put some balsamic vinegar on it. store bought marinated is better if you don't already have balsamic vinegar in the house. easy enough to cook - take a piece of aluminum foil, put a little olive oil or whatever non-motor non-sex oil you have in the house on the foil and if there's skin on the salmon, put it skin side down. cook until it stops looking so juicy and some white jizz shows up on top. if you rub a fork across your piece, it should pull flakes off, not squish in.

as a side, you can roast vegetables. don't do asparagus if you want her to blow you. try dicing up some sweet potatoes and red potatoes, maybe some butternut squash or summer squash. take another piece of aluminum foil, put some olive oil on it, and sprinkle with some spices - onion powder, garlic powder, black pepper and sea salt is a pretty good combination, but you can try some grated parmesan cheese or rosemary or parsley or anything really, if you have anything like that in the spice rack you're on the right track. wrap the foil around them and rub it around a little so the oil and spices spread evenly over the veggies. it takes about 30 minutes for the potatoes to cook, you can tell they're done when some of them are getting black and the rest are nice and soft.

for a dessert, cut the stems off a bunch of strawberries and put the berries on a piece of aluminum foil. then put a bunch of hershey squares, or ghirardellis, or whatever chocolate she likes, in the foil. fold the foil around it and throw the whole packet on the grill for a minute. take it off, open the packet, and leave the foil on the grill on low. stab the strawberries with toothpicks, rub chocolate all over them, and put them back on the foil. take them off and let the chocolate set. serve with ice cream or lemon sorbet.

wine, sorbet, fish, vegetables, appetizer and dessert, that should run you 40, maybe 50 bucks tops. less than taking her out for dinner and drinks at applebees.

Bookmarked

 

[Tiger Fan]

Wait, are Brewers fans talking smack these days? That's a thing now?

They don't call Milwaukee, "the city of champions" for no reason.

Actually, it's pronounced "Mill-e-wau-Kay"

 

[Frostillicus]

Now don't get me started in Minnesota, though--what a wasteland.

Soon to be featuring Andrew Wiggins.

 

[Frostillicus]

There's some sort of Milwaukee-Cincinnati rivalry now? Yikes.

TPW to shukedad.

How do those cities fall short in your eyes?

I like both cities. Cincinnati is a bit too conservative for me, but other than that I've got nothing.

Was hoping you'd fall into my trap but alas, I wasn't very subtle.

I loved occasional trips to Milwaukee when living in Chicago. It's a great city with great people. With only one exception I can think of, I've never come across anyone from anywhere in Wisconsin who wasn't pretty awesome.

Cincinnati is underrated for physical beauty IMO, and I've been a Reds fan since we had season tickets when I was growing up. Some of my best family memories as a kid involve Reds games.

Now don't get me started in Minnesota, though--what a wasteland.

Just kidding; have never been to MN other than the MSP airport.

Pretty nice airport.

 

[Tiger Fan]

TPW for shukes dads butt

 

[Frostillicus]

This is a brat stuffed with a hot dog wrapped in bacon on a pretzel bun topped with cheese curds.

It's at Miller Park. Any beer holers try it?

 

[Guster]

This is a brat stuffed with a hot dog wrapped in bacon on a pretzel bun topped with cheese curds.

It's at Miller Park. Any beer holers try it?

We shoved so much of stryker's meat into our mouths during the tailgate that there wasn't much need for stadium food

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

I don't remember it.

 

[krista4]

This is a brat stuffed with a hot dog wrapped in bacon on a pretzel bun topped with cheese curds.

It's at Miller Park. Any beer holers try it?

This might be sad, but the pretzel bun was the most enticing part of that for me. Looks delicious.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Jury duty this AM. Not sure why but I'm still amazed at people (adults that vote and/or drive a car) that can't follow simple instructions.

"Do you have your juror badge?"

"No, I left it on the dashboard of my car like it said."

"Ma'am, that's was for your parking permit...which you're actually holding in your hand."

"Do we have to take off our shoes before we go through the metal detector?" [standing right in front of the giant sign that explains what to do]
"No, only if it goes off."

"But we have to take off our belts no matter what?"

"Yes, take off your belt no matter what but your shoes only if the detector goes off."

[proceeds to take off shoes before they go through]

First group they call from the jury services room was a bunch of poor SOBs that have to actually go to an outlying community (Delano). After they call those 40-50 people there's about a 5 minute pause and then they call about 75 of us to go to the courthouse next door.

The bailiff had to call role 3 different times before we actually went into the courtroom. There was no answer from this one broad. Finally after the third time this other woman says "Um...I'm pretty sure she thought she had to go to Delano. She was sitting next to me in the room and she muttered something about 'I can't believe I have to drive all the way out there'. I tried to tell her we weren't going to Delano and she just rolled her eyes at me." I hope she enjoyed the 40 minute trip to BFE for nothing.

I have to go back Friday for more voir dire. I can only imagine the nonsense I'm going to hear then.

 

[General Malaise]

Krispy Kreme? why not just eat cotton candy for breakfast?

I HAD 5 PRETEEN BOYS IN THE HOUSE!!1

noSandusky

 

[Mr. Pickles]

Seems like the prime demographic for some pancakes.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

Food snobs - I plan on surprising my wife for her birthday by staying home from work and cooking. What's the most pretentious meal I can prepare?

Tape a piece of lettuce to your balls.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

Keep in mind that my wife is Filipina - so dog?

Does it matter? She's just going to send it to her family back home, amirite? :rimshot:

 

[Good Posting Judge]

Food snobs - I plan on surprising my wife for her birthday by staying home from work and cooking. What's the most pretentious meal I can prepare?

lots of newcomers to this space but beef wellington is still the gold standard imo.

are you looking for the best meal you are personally able to prepare, or the one that sounds most pretentious even though you're going to suck at making it? if it's the latter, there's lots of great stuff you can prepare that sounds really fancy but isn't complicated at all. you can make this three course meal on the grill.

start with a fruit course of grilled pears wrapped in prosciutto with warm, sharp cheddar, grilled pineapple. cut the pears lengthwise, and cut out any seeds. do the same with the pineapple. turn the grill to medium low and cook until they soften. they should have grill marks. put it on a plate, lay a piece of sharp cheddar cheese on it, and wrap it up with a slice of prosciutto. you can do the same thing with the pineapple - cook it till it gets grill marks - and you can wrap it in prosciutto if you want, but that's not necessary. the grill brings the sugar out and makes it really pop.

get a bottle of white wine. tell the guy at the store you want something "fruit forward" that costs less than 20 bucks.

for an entree try balsamic glazed salmon. sounds really fancy, but most grocery stores have salmon already marinated, and if they don't, here's the secret: get a piece of salmon, and put some balsamic vinegar on it. store bought marinated is better if you don't already have balsamic vinegar in the house. easy enough to cook - take a piece of aluminum foil, put a little olive oil or whatever non-motor non-sex oil you have in the house on the foil and if there's skin on the salmon, put it skin side down. cook until it stops looking so juicy and some white jizz shows up on top. if you rub a fork across your piece, it should pull flakes off, not squish in.

as a side, you can roast vegetables. don't do asparagus if you want her to blow you. try dicing up some sweet potatoes and red potatoes, maybe some butternut squash or summer squash. take another piece of aluminum foil, put some olive oil on it, and sprinkle with some spices - onion powder, garlic powder, black pepper and sea salt is a pretty good combination, but you can try some grated parmesan cheese or rosemary or parsley or anything really, if you have anything like that in the spice rack you're on the right track. wrap the foil around them and rub it around a little so the oil and spices spread evenly over the veggies. it takes about 30 minutes for the potatoes to cook, you can tell they're done when some of them are getting black and the rest are nice and soft.

for a dessert, cut the stems off a bunch of strawberries and put the berries on a piece of aluminum foil. then put a bunch of hershey squares, or ghirardellis, or whatever chocolate she likes, in the foil. fold the foil around it and throw the whole packet on the grill for a minute. take it off, open the packet, and leave the foil on the grill on low. stab the strawberries with toothpicks, rub chocolate all over them, and put them back on the foil. take them off and let the chocolate set. serve with ice cream or lemon sorbet.

wine, sorbet, fish, vegetables, appetizer and dessert, that should run you 40, maybe 50 bucks tops. less than taking her out for dinner and drinks at applebees.

Oh great, this makes my idea look like shit.

 

[Dan Gladden's Mustache]

Oh and to answer the question of "worst American adult beverage", the answer is unequivocally Great America's " Carolina Clear". Bills itself as a "Malt Substitute Beer". I was dared to finish one. I could not. I'll drink just about anything. Not this.

You've obviously never tried Malort.http://www.thrillist.com/drink/chicago/14-things-you-didn-t-know-about-malort-thrillist-chicago

I am NOT drinking any ####### malort!

5. The fan slogans are priceless

Malort is an incredibly small operation (they have two employees, including the owner), and while their budget can't afford print ads, fan-created ads are right in their wheelhouse. Here's just some of their ad wizardry:

• Malort, kick your mouth in the balls!
• Malort, when you need to unfriend someone IN PERSON.
• Malort, tonight's the night you fight your dad.
• Malort, the Champagne of pain.
• Malort, turning taste-buds into taste-foes for generations.
• Drink Malort, it's easier than telling people you have nothing to live for.
• Malort, what soap washes its mouth out with.
• Malort, these pants aren't going to #### themselves.

omfg I'm dying right now.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

FB needs this.

 

[Dan Gladden's Mustache]

FB needs this.

Better than jury duty stories.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

My dad had a colonscopy last week and had some polyps removed. He was still bleeding the next day so went back in for another procedure. Woke up this morning bleeding pretty bad so went to the hospital. He had what is being called a mild seizure following a enema they gave him. He went in for another procedure and they can't find the bleeding.

He's staying overnight at the hospital, doing better. I guess they want him to start bleeding again so they can give him a dye to help pinpoint the location. TPW welcome.

Done

 

[DA RAIDERS]

i took a crap the other day and it was black and i freaked the #### out. i know red means you might have a roid or maybe you ate beets so don't freak out right away, but i thought black meant you were dying. i seriously almost threw up on the empty package of oreos in the trash can.

Did you drink a grip of red wine?

 

[Uruk-Hai]

My dad had a colonscopy last week and had some polyps removed. He was still bleeding the next day so went back in for another procedure. Woke up this morning bleeding pretty bad so went to the hospital. He had what is being called a mild seizure following a enema they gave him. He went in for another procedure and they can't find the bleeding.

He's staying overnight at the hospital, doing better. I guess they want him to start bleeding again so they can give him a dye to help pinpoint the location. TPW welcome.

Done

Good posting

 

[heckmanm]

Get well soon, ShukeDad!

 

[St. Louis Bob]

I don't remember it.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Jury duty this AM. Not sure why but I'm still amazed at people (adults that vote and/or drive a car) that can't follow simple instructions.

"Do you have your juror badge?"

"No, I left it on the dashboard of my car like it said."

"Ma'am, that's was for your parking permit...which you're actually holding in your hand."

"Do we have to take off our shoes before we go through the metal detector?" [standing right in front of the giant sign that explains what to do]

"No, only if it goes off."

"But we have to take off our belts no matter what?"

"Yes, take off your belt no matter what but your shoes only if the detector goes off."

[proceeds to take off shoes before they go through]

First group they call from the jury services room was a bunch of poor SOBs that have to actually go to an outlying community (Delano). After they call those 40-50 people there's about a 5 minute pause and then they call about 75 of us to go to the courthouse next door.

The bailiff had to call role 3 different times before we actually went into the courtroom. There was no answer from this one broad. Finally after the third time this other woman says "Um...I'm pretty sure she thought she had to go to Delano. She was sitting next to me in the room and she muttered something about 'I can't believe I have to drive all the way out there'. I tried to tell her we weren't going to Delano and she just rolled her eyes at me." I hope she enjoyed the 40 minute trip to BFE for nothing.

I have to go back Friday for more voir dire. I can only imagine the nonsense I'm going to hear then.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Shuke, hang in there buddy. TPW for your Dad.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Speaking of houses, based on an extremely relevant comp sale two weeks ago, my Seattle abode has increased in value over 25%...since February. Guise, the good lord just doesn't want me NOT to sell this house.

Isn't that about the cost of a pizzanaan oven?

 

[Bob Sacamano]

glllllll shukepops

 

[Captain Quinoa]

Funky

 

[Osaurus]

First and only time I have been called for jury duty in Tampa was an attempted murder case. My voir dire was hilarious. The lawyers ask the regular series of questions about different crimes happening to them or people they know. The assistant DA's assistant was using all these pouty or sympathy facial expressions when potential jurors would talk about a crime they experienced. I was amazed just how inappropriate it was (to me anyway). There was a woman with us who made it sound like her friends and family had the worst lives ever based on how many different things had happened to them. Like an extreme country song. They go through everyone and I am only asked 1 direct question about my job which nobody cared about at all. The trial began immediately after me and the rest of the lucky ones got out of Dodge. Good times.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

How does this Kevin Love fellow make an NBA roster with all these flaws? Guy should probably give up on this basketball thing and take up dentistry.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

I might be in the wrong thread. I saw tre, frosti, and truck and panicked.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

I might be in the wrong thread. I saw tre, frosti, and truck and panicked.

Close enough

 

[Mr.Pack]

There's some sort of Milwaukee-Cincinnati rivalry now? Yikes.

TPW to shukedad.

nah, just having a little fun. Not very often I can do this sort of thing as bad as the Brewers have been since, almost like in forever.

 

[Osaurus]

Gonna catch the last regular season series in Milwaukee with the Cubs when I am there in September. Looking forward to it.

 

[strykerpks]

TPW Shukedad. My pops had a similar problem a few years back. They ended up finding some cancerous cells but it was so early they were able to remove everything and he can grip it and rip it if he needs to now. Hope it all works out well

I may have said this before, but I can't wait to try The Beast at Miller Park (only drawback is I have to watch the Brewers).

A brat sliced in half, stuffed with a hot dog, wrapped in bacon, on a pretzel bun

Holy ####

This is a brat stuffed with a hot dog wrapped in bacon on a pretzel bun topped with cheese curds.

It's at Miller Park. Any beer holers try it?

<_<

I've had this. It's as spectacular as you would imagine.

 

[bostonfred]

i took a crap the other day and it was black and i freaked the #### out. i know red means you might have a roid or maybe you ate beets so don't freak out right away, but i thought black meant you were dying. i seriously almost threw up on the empty package of oreos in the trash can.

Did you drink a grip of red wine?

you don't serve white wine with oreos, man. Are you out of your ####### tree?

 

[krista4]

Speaking of houses, based on an extremely relevant comp sale two weeks ago, my Seattle abode has increased in value over 25%...since February. Guise, the good lord just doesn't want me NOT to sell this house.

Isn't that about the cost of a pizzanaan oven?

Getting there!

 

[General Malaise]

ATTENTION ROVERFISH > THIS IS MANDATORY VIEWING

Wouldn't hurt for some of you other single dudes to watch it either....Uni, Bogart, Homer, Stu....

 

[General Malaise]

Speaking of houses, based on an extremely relevant comp sale two weeks ago, my Seattle abode has increased in value over 25%...since February. Guise, the good lord just doesn't want me NOT to sell this house.

Isn't that about the cost of a pizzanaan oven?

Getting there!

By my math and rudimentary understanding of the Seattle market, it's probably like 3 pizzanaan ovens.

 

[General Malaise]

I haven't been called for Jury Duty since 2000. When I went, I spent half a day in some packed room reading, then was told every bad guy entered a plea deal and we were free to go home. Instead of going to work, I went to a giant porno store, bought a Barely Legal DVD and made crock pot chicken for the rest of the day. Ahhhhh, the good old days. I'd like to do that again some time. Why don't they summon me?

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Speaking of houses, based on an extremely relevant comp sale two weeks ago, my Seattle abode has increased in value over 25%...since February. Guise, the good lord just doesn't want me NOT to sell this house.

Isn't that about the cost of a pizzanaan oven?

Getting there!

By my math and rudimentary understanding of the Seattle market, it's probably like 3 pizzanaan ovens.

Probably 3 pizza ovens. No way you can afford to make naan, too, on that kind of scratch.

 

[Thorn]

1. Thinking of you, shukedad

#. Broke things off with the Ukrainian. At the end of the day we just wanted different things. On the plus side, I got a great ####### mattress out of it.

∑. Was running late for work and grabbed a golf shirt (Jake, from State Farm) and realized when I got here it's from a golf tournament I played in in 2003. Is that bad? I'm now one of those guys who can say "I have golf shirts older than you," right?

 

[Bob Sacamano]

lol at "your red heads, your strippers, anyone named Tiffany"

 

[Bob Sacamano]

ATTENTION ROVERFISH > THIS IS MANDATORY VIEWING

Wouldn't hurt for some of you other single dudes to watch it either....Uni, Bogart, Homer, Stu....

 

[Binky The Doormat]

1. Thinking of you, shukedad

#. Broke things off with the Ukrainian. At the end of the day we just wanted different things. On the plus side, I got a great ####### mattress out of it.

∑. Was running late for work and grabbed a golf shirt (Jake, from State Farm) and realized when I got here it's from a golf tournament I played in in 2003. Is that bad? I'm now one of those guys who can say "I have golf shirts older than you," right?

Yes on the golf shirt.