What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

GM's thread about nothing (33 Viewers)

Imp has a sad. One of our hostesses passed away this afternoon. She had leukemia and had to stop working a few months ago but damn she deserved a better shot at life. 17 years old and so not fair.

RIP Taylor.

 
General Malaise said:
Apologies to those that have already heard this, but I need some advise....

About a year ago, a friend of mine we will call Colonel Moutard, got a parking ticket in downtown Portland. Mustard had, in fact, PAID for street parking, however, he displayed the parking receipt on the wrong side of the car. Parking receipts are supposed to face the curb side of the street and Moutard - who is an absent minded, affable fellow prone to errors in judgement - put the receipt on his driver's side door facing the street.

The ticket was issued for putting the parking receipt on the wrong side of the car and the fine was $39.

Moutard was not pleased and felt like the fine was egregious, considering he had paid for parking. However, he got out his checkbook and wrote the City of Portland a check for $39. In addition to the check, Colonel Moutard made one of his critical errors in judgement and decided it would be wise to trace his middle finger on a piece of paper, include a message to impolitely "Go make love to yourself" and wrote "Anal Rape" on the memo line of his check. He then mailed this off with an envelope that had some more vulgarities scribbled on for good measure.

The check was cashed and life went on normally for Moutard until yesterday, when he received a letter from the court. In this letter, he learned that his letter had garnered the attention of a one Judge Penile Licker (name changed to protect the innocent), who found him guilty and enhanced his fine from $39 to $139. He also extended an invitation to appear in Judge Licker's court room to explain why he should not have an enhanced fine. He has until 2/16/15 to request a hearing.

Moutard is a good friend, so I'd like nothing more than to give him the best advise in this situation. Should he just swallow his pride and pay the fine or should he appear in court? Should he get an attorney? Should he call the news outlets? Should he join a magic football internet message board and ask its constituents what to do? I will hang up and listen, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I will turn over the best ideas to Moutard.
Click to expand...
$100 isn't bad for contempt of court.

If he shows up in court, I give him 2-1 odds of ending the day in a jail cell.

 
1234 said:
Imp has a sad. One of our hostesses passed away this afternoon. She had leukemia and had to stop working a few months ago but damn she deserved a better shot at life. 17 years old and so not fair.

RIP Taylor.
Click to expand...
That is all kinds of ####ed up. Sorry for the loss of your friend, Doug.

 
Cut an eighth of an inch off my fingertip. Sooooooo excited to used my new mandolin slicer. Very glad I wasn't cutting 1/2 inch thick potatoes.

The only bright side is I can literally see the two blood vessels that I sheared off the tip of my finger.

 
-fish- said:
General Malaise said:
Apologies to those that have already heard this, but I need some advise....

About a year ago, a friend of mine we will call Colonel Moutard, got a parking ticket in downtown Portland. Mustard had, in fact, PAID for street parking, however, he displayed the parking receipt on the wrong side of the car. Parking receipts are supposed to face the curb side of the street and Moutard - who is an absent minded, affable fellow prone to errors in judgement - put the receipt on his driver's side door facing the street.

The ticket was issued for putting the parking receipt on the wrong side of the car and the fine was $39.

Moutard was not pleased and felt like the fine was egregious, considering he had paid for parking. However, he got out his checkbook and wrote the City of Portland a check for $39. In addition to the check, Colonel Moutard made one of his critical errors in judgement and decided it would be wise to trace his middle finger on a piece of paper, include a message to impolitely "Go make love to yourself" and wrote "Anal Rape" on the memo line of his check. He then mailed this off with an envelope that had some more vulgarities scribbled on for good measure.

The check was cashed and life went on normally for Moutard until yesterday, when he received a letter from the court. In this letter, he learned that his letter had garnered the attention of a one Judge Penile Licker (name changed to protect the innocent), who found him guilty and enhanced his fine from $39 to $139. He also extended an invitation to appear in Judge Licker's court room to explain why he should not have an enhanced fine. He has until 2/16/15 to request a hearing.

Moutard is a good friend, so I'd like nothing more than to give him the best advise in this situation. Should he just swallow his pride and pay the fine or should he appear in court? Should he get an attorney? Should he call the news outlets? Should he join a magic football internet message board and ask its constituents what to do? I will hang up and listen, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I will turn over the best ideas to Moutard.
Click to expand...
sounds like a bull#### money grab to me.
Click to expand...
Deja view man.

 
Shoot me now. Spinning random tunes and "Born To Boogie" by Hank, Jr just came on. I involuntarily threw my fist in the air on the "my name is Bocephus" verse. At the Pearly Gates, I'm gonna blame it on the flu.

 
So since I took a few days off to sulk, cry and sulk some more, I see I've missed a few things.

Congrats GM! Good God man, what were you thinking? Seriously, congrats!

CQ, so sorry to hear that. Thoughts and prayers to CQDad.

Anyone care to do a 5 day recap?

 
Limp Ditka said:
bentley said:
Limp Ditka said:
So if I cut myself 5 1/2 hours ago, and it's still bleeding, I should probably be getting stitches..... amirite?
Click to expand...
Nah. Just let it go. Eventually it will all bleed out.
Click to expand...
It's not gushing, but I can still put pressure around the cut and still force some out
Click to expand...
Limp Ditka said:
As Bentley alluded to, my knife mishap was wine related.

:hic:

Also put my finger over a mandolin this year around new years. Might have been the worst pain I've ever experienced. And that thing bled like a stuck pig for about 2 days. 3+ months later, I can still feel it when I'm finger picking the guitar.

That one wasn't wine related, just stupid related.
Click to expand...
It's a rite of passage, Roboto

 
Mr.Pack said:
So since I took a few days off to sulk, cry and sulk some more, I see I've missed a few things.

Congrats GM! Good God man, what were you thinking? Seriously, congrats!

CQ, so sorry to hear that. Thoughts and prayers to CQDad.

Anyone care to do a 5 day recap?
Click to expand...
Packers lost in hilarious fashion.

 
Limp Ditka said:
Limp Ditka said:
bentley said:
Limp Ditka said:
So if I cut myself 5 1/2 hours ago, and it's still bleeding, I should probably be getting stitches..... amirite?
Click to expand...
Nah. Just let it go. Eventually it will all bleed out.
Click to expand...
It's not gushing, but I can still put pressure around the cut and still force some out
Click to expand...
Limp Ditka said:
As Bentley alluded to, my knife mishap was wine related.

:hic:

Also put my finger over a mandolin this year around new years. Might have been the worst pain I've ever experienced. And that thing bled like a stuck pig for about 2 days. 3+ months later, I can still feel it when I'm finger picking the guitar.

That one wasn't wine related, just stupid related.
Click to expand...
It's a rite of passage, Roboto
Click to expand...
:lmao:
 
Although having twin little albinos is probably going to give GM cause to reconsider his passive aggressive ways regarding paying fines to local governing authorities.

 
General Malaise said:
Apologies to those that have already heard this, but I need some advise....

About a year ago, a friend of mine we will call Colonel Moutard, got a parking ticket in downtown Portland. Mustard had, in fact, PAID for street parking, however, he displayed the parking receipt on the wrong side of the car. Parking receipts are supposed to face the curb side of the street and Moutard - who is an absent minded, affable fellow prone to errors in judgement - put the receipt on his driver's side door facing the street.

The ticket was issued for putting the parking receipt on the wrong side of the car and the fine was $39.

Moutard was not pleased and felt like the fine was egregious, considering he had paid for parking. However, he got out his checkbook and wrote the City of Portland a check for $39. In addition to the check, Colonel Moutard made one of his critical errors in judgement and decided it would be wise to trace his middle finger on a piece of paper, include a message to impolitely "Go make love to yourself" and wrote "Anal Rape" on the memo line of his check. He then mailed this off with an envelope that had some more vulgarities scribbled on for good measure.

The check was cashed and life went on normally for Moutard until yesterday, when he received a letter from the court. In this letter, he learned that his letter had garnered the attention of a one Judge Penile Licker (name changed to protect the innocent), who found him guilty and enhanced his fine from $39 to $139. He also extended an invitation to appear in Judge Licker's court room to explain why he should not have an enhanced fine. He has until 2/16/15 to request a hearing.

Moutard is a good friend, so I'd like nothing more than to give him the best advise in this situation. Should he just swallow his pride and pay the fine or should he appear in court? Should he get an attorney? Should he call the news outlets? Should he join a magic football internet message board and ask its constituents what to do? I will hang up and listen, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I will turn over the best ideas to Moutard.
Click to expand...
$100 lesson for you Colonel Moutard in picking your battles. Is the battle worth fighting further in court to you?

 
But how will mrs roboto make perfect sweet potato crisps or apple slices without perfectly cut produce?

I can't wait to try th julienne blade insert. Gonna look like I went through a ####### paper shredder.

 
Sweet potatoes are satan's feces after eating a candlelit dinner of White Castle with a Muzak version of Cheap Trick's 'The Flame' playing

 
I'm hoping by soaking them in olive oil, baking them with a ton of salt that they will taste moderately like actual real potatoes.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Going to go out for more wine here shortly. Probably going to see what's on sale at Walgreens. Romo is out of town, so you guys are kind of my buddy system.

 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

General Malaise
GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing
1856 1857 1858
Replies
93K
Views
3M
urbanhack
urbanhack
T
***Official 2014 GMTAN Draft Thread***
34 35 36
Replies
2K
Views
46K
El Floppo
El Floppo
Early_10
***Official*** Seinfeld draft thread
25 26 27
Replies
1K
Views
36K
The Dreaded Marco
The Dreaded Marco

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 28 (members: 0, guests: 28)
Back
Top