Granddaughter making bad choices (1 Viewer)

[Mrs. Rannous]

Actually she paid for half the car from money she earned but we kept for her to use when she really needed it.  When she went to live with her mother she wanted it but we refused because we knew her mother would take it eventually.  As it turned out she went through $800 in a few days, then $1700 in debt.  Then she moved back with us after living with her mother for 5 months.

Ah, very good.  Too bad she didn't figure it out then.

 

[DallasDMac]

My FIL has a grandson that only ever came around when he needed something. Money, place to live, etc. FIL is in a home now,  assisted living. As we clean his house to prep it for sale (money will go towards his expenses), we have found THOUSANDS of dollars in receipts and notes about payments the FIL has made for this guy (he is in his 30s so I can't call him a kid any longer). Much of it in lawyers fees for arrests, dodging his child care payments, etc. Of course now that FIL is in a home and his finances have been turned over to his son, the POS has made no effort to contact him since he knows he can't get anything out of him. Her poor FIL is convinced he must be in jail or something because he has never been able to see or cope with the fact that he was just being used. His mind refuses to accept it. He is convinced SOMETHING must be stopping him from reaching out. But my wife knows from FB (he isn't smart enough to not leave his page public) that he is out and about, partying away with some new friends. 

All that to say, there are cases where, no matter what you do, you are only viewed as a resource to be tapped. It's sad but some people are just that way. In their hearts, they care about no one other than themselves. And there is absolutely  nothing you can do that will change that.

 

[pollardsvision]

She's been in counseling her whole life and was diagnosed at the Mayo Clinic for ADHD years ago.  When she took medicine her schoolwork improved.  She's been off her meds for years and barely passed HS.  She doesn't seem to care about her future, only what she's doing today and I believe she lied to us about wanting to do something with her life so she could move back here and be right back to the way she was.  She's an adult now and it doesn't appear any of the counseling she had as a child made any impact on her decision making.  Thankfully she's not involved in drugs or alcohol .....yet.

ETA:  I also made poor decisions as a 20 year old.  You just hope the light comes on at some point.  I once told my late mother, I don't know how you did it mom.  You always had the right thing to say and it took me a long time to realize how right you were.  She responded, "I just wanted to keep you alive until you really grew up".

Your mother sounds like she was a very wise woman, and her advice is fitting here.

Hang in there. I think you're right that now is the time you have to consider how much you'll allow her poor choices to effect you. But just keep being the most positive influence you can be. She'll find her way. 

For young women, as long as they don't fall in love and procreate with a total dirtbag, they can buy themselves a lot of time to find their way.

 

[Punxsutawney Phil]

The losers without jobs are obviously selling drugs. 

 

[JohnnyU]

The losers without jobs are obviously selling drugs. 

Could be.  I know the girl is driving around without as much as a learners permit.   I could see one of them wrecking my granddaughter's car or using it all the time.  The car is still in my name and on my insurance.  If she moves out again I will put the car in her name and thinking about dropping the insurance.  If one of them hits someone and hurts them I don't want to be sued. 

 

[snellman]

@JohnnyUI can totally relate to what you are going through.  We have basically went through the same thing with our now soon to be 24 year old son (my stepson).  Was also diagnosed with ADD is high school but refused to take the medicine.  Had decent grades, but could have had much better.  He also struggles with authority because he thinks he knows everything about everything and is very argumentative.  He goes through a cycle about every 4-6 months and it is like a roller coaster ride.  The last time he moved out (while we weren't home) , we told him it would be the last time we let him live here because we wanted him to stay with us to help him get back on his feet by getting all of his fines and court costs (has been in trouble with the law) paid along with his other bills paid. We keep hoping the switch will flip some day.  

It is very hard and painful to put your foot down with your children/grandchildren but sometimes it has to be done.  I am thinking of your family and hopefully everything works out for you

 

[JohnnyU]

@JohnnyUI can totally relate to what you are going through.  We have basically went through the same thing with our now soon to be 24 year old son (my stepson).  Was also diagnosed with ADD is high school but refused to take the medicine.  Had decent grades, but could have had much better.  He also struggles with authority because he thinks he knows everything about everything and is very argumentative.  He goes through a cycle about every 4-6 months and it is like a roller coaster ride.  The last time he moved out (while we weren't home) , we told him it would be the last time we let him live here because we wanted him to stay with us to help him get back on his feet by getting all of his fines and court costs (has been in trouble with the law) paid along with his other bills paid. We keep hoping the switch will flip some day.  

It is very hard and painful to put your foot down with your children/grandchildren but sometimes it has to be done.  I am thinking of your family and hopefully everything works out for you

A lot of what you said about your son matches my granddaughter to a tee.  She is also very argumentative and thinks she’s doing the right things in her life.  She also has oppositional behavior.  You say it’s green, she says it’s red.  She argues over trivial matters too.  One of many traits she shares with her mother is lack of empathy.  I have serious doubts that she has actually loved anyone in her life, including her grandmother and myself.  She only thinks of herself, except for her future.  A train wreck and in my mind in a very fragile state mentality, but I could be overthinking that some.

 

[DallasDMac]

A lot of what you said about your son matches my granddaughter to a tee.  She is also very argumentative and thinks she’s doing the right things in her life.  She also has oppositional behavior.  You say it’s green, she says it’s red.  She argues over trivial matters too.  One of many traits she shares with her mother is lack of empathy.  I have serious doubts that she has actually loved anyone in her life, including her grandmother and myself.  She only thinks of herself, except for her future.  A train wreck and in my mind in a very fragile state mentality, but I could be overthinking that some.

This is the train wreck that is so hard to handle. Our minds simply aren't able to comprehend that mindset. But it is what it is. GL. Maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones and she'll have a breakthrough. It sounds like you are totally prepared to cope with that not happening. So you are at leas prepared for the worst.