Have you ever slept with a prostitute? (1 Viewer)

[Patriotsfatboy1]

If I get 10 people to quote this before 10pm est, 40min away, Ill make a stop at a rub and tug tonight and report back afterwards.

Cant promise it'll be funny tho. Ill probably try to get my money's worth

That seems silly.

 

[Soulfly3]

If I get 10 people to quote this before 10pm est, 40min away, Ill make a stop at a rub and tug tonight and report back afterwards.

Cant promise it'll be funny tho. Ill probably try to get my money's worth

That seems silly.

It is silly.

That's the point.

Going anyways, Im seriously in the mood

 

[RnR]

If I get 10 people to quote this before 10pm est, 40min away, Ill make a stop at a rub and tug tonight and report back afterwards.

Cant promise it'll be funny tho. Ill probably try to get my money's worth

That seems silly.

It is silly.

That's the point.

Going anyways, Im seriously in the mood

Pics with a penny or it didn't happen.

 

[Frostillicus]

If I get 10 people to quote this before 10pm est, 40min away, Ill make a stop at a rub and tug tonight and report back afterwards.

Cant promise it'll be funny tho. Ill probably try to get my money's worth

I like stories.

 

[Evilgrin 72]

If I get 10 people to quote this before 10pm est, 40min away, Ill make a stop at a rub and tug tonight and report back afterwards.

Cant promise it'll be funny tho. Ill probably try to get my money's worth

Do it.

 

[Soulfly3]

If I get 10 people to quote this before 10pm est, 40min away, Ill make a stop at a rub and tug tonight and report back afterwards.

Cant promise it'll be funny tho. Ill probably try to get my money's worth

That seems silly.

It is silly.That's the point.

Going anyways, Im seriously in the mood

Pics with a penny or it didn't happen.

I highly doubt ill be able to snap a pic inside. Maybe on my way in?

 

[ClownCausedChaos2]

If I get 10 people to quote this before 10pm est, 40min away, Ill make a stop at a rub and tug tonight and report back afterwards.

Cant promise it'll be funny tho. Ill probably try to get my money's worth

10!Well, balls. I was number 10 when I started this.

 

[Ray Barboni]

If I get 10 people to quote this before 10pm est, 40min away, Ill make a stop at a rub and tug tonight and report back afterwards.

Cant promise it'll be funny tho. Ill probably try to get my money's worth

This

 

[jon_mx]

If I get 10 people to quote this before 10pm est, 40min away, Ill make a stop at a rub and tug tonight and report back afterwards.

Cant promise it'll be funny tho. Ill probably try to get my money's worth

Do it.

No, don't do it!!

 

[Soulfly3]

If I get 10 people to quote this before 10pm est, 40min away, Ill make a stop at a rub and tug tonight and report back afterwards.

Cant promise it'll be funny tho. Ill probably try to get my money's worth

Do it.

No, don't do it!!

...... it's -30 degrees outside right now... really didnt take that into account.

this may have to wait til tomorrow. but Im in the mood now

 

[fruity pebbles]

If I get 10 people to quote this before 10pm est, 40min away, Ill make a stop at a rub and tug tonight and report back afterwards.

Cant promise it'll be funny tho. Ill probably try to get my money's worth

Do it.

No, don't do it!!

...... it's -30 degrees outside right now... really didnt take that into account.

this may have to wait til tomorrow. but Im in the mood now

is the place in a tent?

 

[Soulfly3]

If I get 10 people to quote this before 10pm est, 40min away, Ill make a stop at a rub and tug tonight and report back afterwards.

Cant promise it'll be funny tho. Ill probably try to get my money's worth

Do it.

No, don't do it!!

...... it's -30 degrees outside right now... really didnt take that into account.

this may have to wait til tomorrow. but Im in the mood now

is the place in a tent?

haha I gotta get dressed... scrape my window... my #### will shrivel to raisin size in this frigid cold.

ugh, we'll see

 

[Enderdog]

10:10. Is he back yet?

 

[Soulfly3]

10:10. Is he back yet?

 

[General Malaise]

We don't have rug and tugs in oregon. Feel so deprived. Do it for me, soulfly.

 

[fruity pebbles]

If I get 10 people to quote this before 10pm est, 40min away, Ill make a stop at a rub and tug tonight and report back afterwards.

Cant promise it'll be funny tho. Ill probably try to get my money's worth

Do it.

No, don't do it!!

...... it's -30 degrees outside right now... really didnt take that into account.

this may have to wait til tomorrow. but Im in the mood now

is the place in a tent?

haha I gotta get dressed... scrape my window... my #### will shrivel to raisin size in this frigid cold.

ugh, we'll see

perfect night. business will be slow.

 

[fsufan]

Yes for the past 20 years to my wife

 

[Ramblin Wreck]

We don't have rug and tugs in oregon. Feel so deprived. Do it for me, soulfly.

You just aren't looking in the right spots

 

[RnR]

Yes for the past 20 years to my wife

Isn't there a game you should be watching or something?

 

[Soulfly3]

We don't have rug and tugs in oregon. Feel so deprived. Do it for me, soulfly.

You just aren't looking in the right spots

picking out new flooring while getting a hand job sounds awesome!!

 

[dickey moe]

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Even better, the fart was in DADGAD tuning.

 

[dickey moe]

"Cheap pool rafts"

 

[General Malaise]

We don't have rug and tugs in oregon. Feel so deprived. Do it for me, soulfly.

You just aren't looking in the right spots

You'd be surprised.

 

[lod01]

If I get 10 people to quote this before 10pm est, 40min away, Ill make a stop at a rub and tug tonight and report back afterwards.

Cant promise it'll be funny tho. Ill probably try to get my money's worth

Eat her ###.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

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Even better, the fart was in DADGAD tuning.

Keep playing those arpeggios, bro!

 

[wadegarrett]

Am I the only that keeps saying "Geeeeeel" over and over?

 

[flysack]

Yes.

 

[Sand]

Every once in a while there's a thread that reminds you of the greatness of this place. Clyde, Deadly Animal & Russian Bride Drafts, Ask a Zookeeper, and many more I'm no doubt forgetting, but I'm pretty sure this is in that class.

Osama was into Porn. Probably the funniest I've read next to Clyde. It got killed pretty quick, but for some reason I PDFed it - still awesome.

This thread is climbing the list.

 

[Slapdash]

If I get 10 people to quote this before 10pm est, 40min away, Ill make a stop at a rub and tug tonight and report back afterwards.

Cant promise it'll be funny tho. Ill probably try to get my money's worth

Do it.

No, don't do it!!

...... it's -30 degrees outside right now... really didnt take that into account.

this may have to wait til tomorrow. but Im in the mood now

is the place in a tent?

haha I gotta get dressed... scrape my window... my #### will shrivel to raisin size in this frigid cold.

ugh, we'll see

Get to it

 

[flapgreen]

Am I the only that keeps saying "Geeeeeel" over and over?

No

 

[Judge Smails]

I just got back from a trip to Amsterdam with some friends. On the final night, some of the guys I was with said they wanted to check out the Red Light District again and get with a prostitute.

Before this trip, I had always seen prostitution as seedy and somewhat sad and immoral. The way prostitutes are presented with such nonchalance in Amsterdam peeled off much of the seediness for me, making it at least plausible to partake in, but I was still unsure if it was something I would do.

We started walking around looking at the windows and making a note of who we found the hottest. The thing that most surprised me is how insanely pretty these girls are. They're not your typical degraded slutty whores, but model-like, classy ladies. One of my friends found this crazy hot blonde and decided she was the one. Off he went, through the glass door, curtains closing behind him. My other friend found another blonde and went off with her shortly afterwards. I decided to stick around to hear their feedback.

After roughly 15 minutes, the first friend came out. He told me she was amazingly hot, great sex, blah blah and seemed so blazé about the whole thing. The second friend soon came back and said pretty much the same things. Next it was my turn to find a girl I really liked, so we went looking around again, my friends pointing out girls I might like. After a while I noticed this absurdly beautiful brunette and we locked eyes. Whereas other prostitutes would usually wave towards potential clientele and do a little dance, this one did nothing but stare at me with this ridiculous gaze. I said to myself #### it and just went up to her door and opened it.

She told me her price, I nodded and went behind the curtain to find a little dim-lit room with a bed and a bedside cabinet with condoms and lube on it. She asked me where I was from and then told me she was from the Czech Republic. After paying her, I asked her her age and she said 24. She asked me to take off my clothes and lie on the bed. I complied and she put a condom on me and began sucking my ####. It felt strange having just seen this girl for the first time 3 minutes ago and she was now giving me head, but I tried not to think too much and just enjoyed it. I tried to finger her but she pushed my hand away and said "not the #####, but the breast is okay. Also, no kissing". At that point I realized how cold and mechanical this whole thing was. There was zero bond, zero connection, zero warmth. It was all so clinical. I ####ed her anyway and she began to make all these obviously forced moans which just reinforced how fake the whole thing was. After a while she told me the time was up so we stopped and I put my clothes back on, left the room and we didn't exchange a single word.

The sex was good, and she was monstrously good looking with a photoshop-perfect body, but I left feeling completely numb rather than satisfied or content. I found it weird how casual my friends were about their experience. They were really happy about ####### their model girls, and went into detail about what they did with them, whereas I didn't really feel like sharing anything because it didn't really feel like a real experience. The worst part was turning around and seeing her standing by her window again, waiting for the next customer.

This event has been on my mind ever since, and I felt like sharing it here and seeing what people thought about prostitution in general. I guess some guys have no trouble taking it for what it is? For me it was just far too cold and impersonal to take much from it.

This is exactly why I've never been with a hooker.

I've heard stories where the girl really got into it (usually strippers drunk at the end of the night, friends offer them some money to come back to the hotel room, everyone has a wild time), but I can't see it it being anything other than a mechanical act, that doesn't do it for me.

/bummerpostsucks.

That's just Amsterdam. It doesn't have to be like that. You can find girls that will snugglebear and spoon with you, if that's what you want.

 

[Steve Tasker]

The response comes from my brother's posterior in the form of a ten-second fart that audibly drops in pitch every few seconds. If you wrote it out in sheet music it would look like :

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...followed by the closing of the door - **ka-chunk**

this one gets me every ####### time

 

[(HULK)]

We don't have rug and tugs in oregon. Feel so deprived. Do it for me, soulfly.

Do you have rub and tubs?

 

[Steve Tasker]

Story Time? I'll give it my best.

Prostitutes in my area are mostly of the Russian/Ukrainian variety, and generally attractive to super-hot. Once you get more to the Toronto area, it's mainly high end Asian 'tutes.

So there's a massage parlour near my old apartment, that I avoided for a solid 2 years. I knew what was inside, but I was at the stage where one nighters were happening regularly, and I was able to avoid future contact with these broads... After some time, it got more difficult so I toned it down a bit and started to frequent the parlours for my fix.

Stroll in well after midnight, and I got a rocking buzz going. It was freezing cold and I walked over (about a 5 minute walk) and Im greeted at the entrance by a 40 something Russian woman with super short shorts on, and a white top, that her fairly dark areolas were visible through. As were her thumb sized nipples.

I pretend I am well versed about Russian geography and culture, and ask if she's from Novosibirsk or Omsk (cities I only know from playing in a hockey tournament). She seems impressed and start to get frisky with me. Im pretty drunk so I think my swag is though the roof and Im making her drip by acting like I know all about her country. She grabs my junk, which is unfortunately soft at this moment in time, and asks me what Im there for.

"The full package" I say.

"You are liking anals?" She asks.. Im taken back a bit

"No just the front" I say quickly...

"$150"........ SOLD

I had been with marginally older women, but not in their mid 40s. I was pretty excited.

We get naked, and she's got a pretty rocking body for a middle aged woman. Nice rack. Fairly thin. 7/10 face.

"Go lay down and I make #### to you" she says in a strict tone.

I lay down and she started pounding my pud with a russian death grip. she was winding it like she was tossing a javelin for Olympic gold. It hurt a bit, but I was pretty wasted and didnt care, I figured this slut liked it rough. So I reach down between her legs, give it a quick rub, insert at least one finger (I think it was more) and I try to lift her up via her crotch so she'll be on top of me and we can start pounding.

"Are you making ####### joke with me, #######s?" and she quickly dismounts the palm of my hand.

She SLAPS my pecker and it swings left to right like a decibel meter... she storms out of the room.

I grab my #### as quick as I can and BOLT out of there, as Im pretty sure she's going to the back of the studio to get Boris to come knock my lights out.

I mistakenly left behind my North Face jacket, which was basically brand new... never went back for it. So basically... it cost me a 400$ jacket to fingerblast a 40yr old Russian for 3 seconds.

Turrible.

What neighborhood in Toronto is this place? A friend may want to know.

 

[Soulfly3]

What neighborhood in Toronto is this place? A friend may want to know.

No, this was in Niagara.

Toronto there is no neighborhood... theyre just everywhere.

 

[El Floppo]

 

[Mjolnirs]

Before the girls got to the front door Kim Jong Il's long lost sister ordered me into the room on the right and my buddy the one on the right.

"Now switch!"

Friggin' Chinese fire-drill.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

Anyone saving this?

 

[Das Boot]

Anyone saving this?

It's safe...

For now anyway.

 

[Ray Karpis]

Is Joe Bryant on a milk carton somewhere? Four years ago this thread would have been locked halfway thru page 1.

:cheers:

 

[Das Boot]

Anyone saving this?

Just saw where Joe posted in the Fanduel Condia thread...

Your thought may have merit.

 

[T Bell]

If I get 10 people to quote this before 10pm est, 40min away, Ill make a stop at a rub and tug tonight and report back afterwards.

Cant promise it'll be funny tho. Ill probably try to get my money's worth

And you're wondering why your FIL is taking dumps in your side yard?

 

[ChainsawU]

it's legal here in Canada. rub and tugs everywhere. strip clubs w full nudity etc

so... yes. Banged one when I was 17 the first time... but theyre not street prostitutes.

start a girlfriend thread

 

[ChainsawU]

There wasn't much sleeping, as I recall.

 

[Kenny Powers]

Gold, Jerry, Gold

 

[ChainsawU]

Anyone saving this?

GPJ> where are you saving this .. and why are you saving this

 

[ChainsawU]

one time i gave my fiancee a face that meant that i would'nt ever buy a couch and she cried.

 

[ChainsawU]

to this day she is prob. 90 lbs heavier than she was

 

[ChainsawU]

we never married

 

[ClownCausedChaos2]

one time i gave my fiancee a face that meant that i would'nt ever buy a couch and she cried.

to this day she is prob. 90 lbs heavier than she was

we never married

That's the worst haiku ever.