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Haven't golfed in 15 years, need some shtick (1 Viewer)

John Bender said:
Or - on a lower level.

Simply use a potato as a ball marker. This would be easy shtick to pull off and funny.  Try to keep a straight face about it. Tell them it was your grandfathers potato he used to win the UP Amateur Open in the 50s
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Or a #### ring.  And put it back on between holes.  

 
Do dumb stuff (be loud, play slow, drive through traps, etc) until the ranger finally comes out to talk to you and then lead him on a "high-speed" golf cart chase all over the course while refusing to stop. Definitely one of the funniest things Ive ever seen while playing in a tournament.  :thumbup:

 
E-Z Glider said:
Do dumb stuff (be loud, play slow, drive through traps, etc) until the ranger finally comes out to talk to you and then lead him on a "high-speed" golf cart chase all over the course while refusing to stop. Definitely one of the funniest things Ive ever seen while playing in a tournament.  :thumbup:
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While blasting Yakety Sax on your Bose speaker.

 
I got one that's great.

If you are not driving the cart or do it to you partners cart.

Take the key out and put it a cup holder or something.     The driver usually panics when the cart won't move.

 
Tell the cute cart girl that one of the guys in the other cart is really shy and has a crush on her.  Ask her to be extra nice to him.

 
Take a dump in one of the holes on the course.

Let people know you got a hole in one

 
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Condom (wrapped) for your ball marker.

Wear a pair of batting gloves as your golf "glove".

Play "Sandstorm" by Darude every time you tee off.  

Throw the golf cart in reverse when your buddy tees off.  

This goes without saying, but drink all of the booze.
 

 
No matter how you do on a hole, when your buddy that's keeping score asks what you got, always answer "Eh, just got a par". 

 
Make sure you loosen the strap on one of the bags of the other cart so when they pull away the bag falls on the concrete path.

 
If you hit one in the trees climb up it and insist on playing the ball wear it lies.

Oh and bring along a croc or gator and surreptiously slip it into one of the ponds on the course.

-QG

 
John Bender said:
Or - on a lower level.

Simply use a potato as a ball marker. This would be easy shtick to pull off and funny.  Try to keep a straight face about it. Tell them it was your grandfathers potato he used to win the UP Amateur Open in the 50s
Click to expand...
This I'm doing 

 
I may need some laundry shtick now. Yesterday I left Jacksonville, Florida at 8am after being at Waffle House at 3 am, went home to DC, took dog to vet, cut the grass, caught a late evening flight to Detroit, went to sleep at 3, up at 8. 

Helped my Dad fix his dry wall, had lunch, drive to lake house 2 hours, cleaned place for 3 hours, went to eat, Walmart, watched Tigers game, drank half a bottle of Mio energy, and now I'm doing laundry and I think my neighbor is chopping up a body in his basement. 

No way I live to 70, no chance. 

 
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I'm not sure what is wrong with this equation. Sounds like you're doing it right. If you're looking for more energy, you're past redbull and mio on the energy pyramid. Time to buy an 8ball. If you're looking to get some rest... Eight of good weed and an Oakland As homd game should do the trick. 

 
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I'm in a random testing position. No brownies or 8 balls. 

Laundry done, folding mattress covers at 3am is for puds. 

 
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Maybe I am a total ###, but I make a point to talk as much as possible and create "footprints" in the putting path.  Listen up #######, you're not Phil ####### Mickelson and you are missing that putt regardless of what I do.

I haven't been invited to play golf in a while either.

 
I'm no better, just left two half naked chicks bent over a buddies pool table (none of which I had any cause of, or benefit from) to make it home for "curfew" with the GF who is out cold on the couch and a ####ty Dane cook special was just on. I feel like being home on time was as bad as not having an 8ball or good edibles right now.

Disclaimer, chicks were 6's or so at best, but one did have bolt ons. Though she's married to a former marine / current VA Intel guy... so nobody bites on her flagrant bait because they don't want a ####### MOAB accidentally getting tested over their place of residence. 

yay whiskey? 

 
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A few years ago a buddy had a bachelor party weekend in Myrtle Beach, we played a round of golf way too early in the morning given our prior day's activities.

I woke up drunk and figured it made the most sense to continue pounding beers and bourbon. Somewhere on the back nine I decided that I shot better with my shirt off, more freedom or something, so I finished the round in redneck fashion. 

Some of the guys in the group were horrified, some laughed their asses off, and the cart girl thought it was funny, even gave me a free beer. 

 
True story...my buddy landed on the green fairly close to the hole. Both of us stated it was close enough to not have to put out. Big argument ensues. He grabbed the golf ball and said, "You want to see it in the hole?" Proceeded to take his pants off, bend over and put it in his butt. We never golfed again together, but I admire his ability to end an argument.

 
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