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Having a Second Child? (1 Viewer)

Our girls are 4 plus years apart. Wish they were closer in age in some ways. Some advantages though are financial in limiting double up time on daycare and eventually college expenses.

 
My now-adult kids are 2 1/2 years apart (3 grade levels), and that seems about perfect. Close enough to be able to play together and interact well while growing up, but with enough spacing that their lives didn't completely overlap. Now in their mid-20s, they are best of friends. Some of my son's female friends are good friends with my daughter (younger of the two) ...it's more than just a tag-along relationship.

 
Identical twins right out of the gate.

We've since had #3.

One was/is so much easier than the twins were

Of course we didn't know how hard 2 were, until we had a single

Good luck

 
My kids are 4 years apart. One of the things we actually thought about was was one in college at a time.

 
My boys are 14.5 months apart and it wasn't planned. Oldest son born in late June; went for some :pickle: the day after Christmas that same year. My wife said, "Do you think we'll be ok (without wrapping up). I said sure. Oops, son #2.

After son #2 was born, I immediately got a vasectomy as I was 38 after son #2 and I was getting too old for that BS.

 
My only sibling and I are 13.5 years apart. Yes, same parents and all of that. My mother was in her 20s when she had me, and nearly 40 when she had my sister. All of my cousins are my sister's age as well, due to my mother and father both being the oldest of their siblings. That much of a gap made for an interesting sibling relationship, but one that was amazing for both of us.

That said, how old was everyone here for their #1?

 
We originally wanted 3, had our daughter and decided to be one and done. It works for us but every family dynamic and expectations are different.

The spacing of 2 years seems to make some sense if you don't mind some college overlap.

 
One kid - double coverage

Two kids - single coverage

Three kids - zone defense

Four kids - prevent

We have two kids, two and a quarter years apart. Having one changed things but we managed to find time for each other and for ourselves. That got a LOT harder after the second.

Wouldn't change a thing.

 
My first two were only 19 months apart. And it is freaking awesome. They are only one grade apart and while they are boy and girl and obviously fight a lot, they are best buddies and always watch out for each other. It's been the best part of my life watching them grow up together.

Number three is 5 1/2 years younger than number 2. Holy crap was that a shock to the system. Starting over with diapers, bottles, no sleep, etc. was crazy.

But then the upside is that I almost forgot just how wonderful it is having a little baby around. Her effect on my wife and I and her older siblings is unbelievable. She has four people leading her through life that all absolutely adore her.

#1 - 9

#2 - 7

#3 - 2 in June

I don't think there is a wrong way to do it. But I've never for a moment regretted having the third one. Sure I won't retire as early as I would have otherwise (especially if my wife gets her way and we have a fourth) but frankly I'm in no rush. This is the best part of life.

 
matttyl said:
My only sibling and I are 13.5 years apart. Yes, same parents and all of that. My mother was in her 20s when she had me, and nearly 40 when she had my sister. All of my cousins are my sister's age as well, due to my mother and father both being the oldest of their siblings. That much of a gap made for an interesting sibling relationship, but one that was amazing for both of us.

That said, how old was everyone here for their #1?
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I was 26 when the first one came along. He surprised us a bit as my wife got pregnant about two weeks after the wedding. Made for a rough first year. Getting used to each other is hard enough (we didn't live together before the wedding). And then add in buying a new house and having a kid and relations got strained at times.

 
We wanted to wait til our son got a little older. We waited until he was 3 and my wife got pregnant last year. Then she had a miscarriage and we havent tried since. My son is about to turn 5. I feel like were past the point of no return. 6 yr age difference between kids is huge imo. Anyone have any experience? I kind of like the idea of not waking up in the middle of the night anymore, having money, and not changing diapers ever again. But a part of me misses having a baby and feels bad if my son is an only child. Im so confused. This keeps me up at nights

 
We have an American Bulldog now who is just over 4 and we both have really wanted an English Bulldog for the longest time. I'm just not sure how our current dog would react to the new addition.

 
After our daughter was born, my wife's friend to told her it can be difficult to conceive your second child. (old wives tale). Our twins were conceived on the first try and were born 15 months later. Two months later, my daughter was diagnosed with diabetes at 17 months. Life has been chaos for the last 16 years.

 
The good news is the second one will likely guarantee you never have a third, because you won't ever have sex anymore.

 
Quez said:
I am in the same boat as OP. My kid is 2 but we have been talking about it. All I know is I don't want to have a baby during football season.
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More than 3-4 years apart and you might as well just have one twice. You lose a lot of the sibling comradery (and taking "need attention" issues off your shoulders) in their older years as kids if they aren't close together.
 
Oldest two boys are 17 months apart and best buds (9&8). The youngest boy is 4 years old and the older two are awesome big brothers to him.

I had my first at 35 and last at 40. I'm old now but they keep me young.

 
As an only child, I never really wanted a sibling when I was young. But now that my parents are aging, I wish I had a sibling to help deal with the issues that arise later in life.

I'm married to an only child, and she felt the same way, which was our driver for having a 2nd. They are 3 years apart, 4 and 1, and it's been a war zone for the last year.....but worth every minute of it.

 
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JoshuaJon said:
As an only child, I never really wanted a sibling when I was young. But now that my parents are aging, I wish I had a sibling to help deal with the issues that arise later in life.

I'm married to an only child, and she felt the same way, which was our driver for having a 2nd. They are 3 years apart, 4 and 1, and it's been a war zone for the last year.....but worth every minute of it.
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If you decided on an only child, that would have been very unique.

Your only child would have no brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

That has to be pretty rare.

 
Henry Ford said:
Quez said:
I am in the same boat as OP. My kid is 2 but we have been talking about it. All I know is I don't want to have a baby during football season.
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More than 3-4 years apart and you might as well just have one twice. You lose a lot of the sibling comradery (and taking "need attention" issues off your shoulders) in their older years as kids if they aren't close together.
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Just like El Floppo also said, four or five years is too far apart for playing and true experiential closeness. My brother and I have a ton of respect and love for each other but can never go through high school together, be anything but big brother/little brother, etc.

Four years apart. Makes for lopsided street hockey games, too.

 
Our kids are 5 years apart. This wasn't exactly the plan because we wanted closer to 4, but my wife is a teacher and we wanted to make sure we had the child during the summer so she could spend as much time as possible with them. We were together for 10 years before deciding to have a child (we wanted to get all our selfish stuff out of the way and buy a house) and like the earlier poster, having the first one was as simple as "You want to have a baby?" Her: "Sure." 4 minutes of heaven later, viola she's pregnant.

So the 2nd one we believed to be the same, but we tried and missed our 2 month window for it to happen that 4th year. So we had to wait for the next year and like above, it took one time and I believe 6 minutes that time :lol: and boom, there she is pregnant.

The age difference is okay when they were younger. The youngest one looks up to her older sister so much, but now that they are 9 and 14, the oldest one can't be bothered with her, which makes me sad.

 
NewlyRetired said:
JoshuaJon said:
As an only child, I never really wanted a sibling when I was young. But now that my parents are aging, I wish I had a sibling to help deal with the issues that arise later in life.

I'm married to an only child, and she felt the same way, which was our driver for having a 2nd. They are 3 years apart, 4 and 1, and it's been a war zone for the last year.....but worth every minute of it.
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If you decided on an only child, that would have been very unique.

Your only child would have no brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

That has to be pretty rare.
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On the other hand I have almost no contact with my relatives even though my mom was one of six. I've realized that it's better in some ways not be close to your own family and instead marry into a family you like.

 
Debating only having one... Son is the biggest handful ever. I think another could spell trouble for our sanity.

Wonder how many people stopped at 1 and were happy with the decision versus those who might've had some regrets...

 
fantasycurse42 said:
Debating only having one... Son is the biggest handful ever. I think another could spell trouble for our sanity.

Wonder how many people stopped at 1 and were happy with the decision versus those who might've had some regrets...
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we had planned on two. Wanted to wait a few years before number two. Last year, my wife got pregnant but she miscarried. We havent tried since. My son is now five. I struggle every day with whether i want another one or not. I also feel like we have reached the point of no return. It seriously keeps me up every night. I might start a thread about parents who had kids more than five years apart.Wow i just realized i posted the same exact thing above. I told you it keeps me up at night.

 
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We have four. 3 boys and a girl. I think it's great. Keeps me young and plugged in. We are always on the run with sports and music, etc. So there's really no time for self, but there's no greater feeling than seeing your kids succeed at things in life, be it sports or whatever. Now ours are really spaced out compared to other posters. We have a 3 year gap between the first 2. A 4 year gap between 2 and 3 and a 7 year gap between 3 and 4. Ages are 21, 18, 15, and 8. Pretty soon it'll be just the wife and I with the 8 year old. But my kids have brought me so much joy and very little disappointment.They are my life and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 
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fantasycurse42 said:
Debating only having one... Son is the biggest handful ever. I think another could spell trouble for our sanity.

Wonder how many people stopped at 1 and were happy with the decision versus those who might've had some regrets...
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We have two boys that are 2.5yrs apart and it's great. They're BFFs and rarely fight. We'll see how that goes in their teen years, but right now we wouldn't have it any other way. Hat's off to folks that can handle more than two kids, though. We watch our nephew a lot and the 3 of them together is chaos.

 
fantasycurse42 said:
Debating only having one... Son is the biggest handful ever. I think another could spell trouble for our sanity.

Wonder how many people stopped at 1 and were happy with the decision versus those who might've had some regrets...
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We stopped at 1, she is 15 now and we have no regrets.

 
We've got four - 13 (boy), 11 (girl), 8 (boy), 6 (girl).

The only thing I'd change is I wish it went boy, boy, girl, girl. They are close to each other but I feel they would be even closer that way.

Four is very challenging and rewarding. There's very little down time but my wife and I still do date night and have plenty of adult time. We also make time for the gym to keep up with them.

One thing I'll mention that I think helped us tremendously. We have a lot of relatives that live close by and help us out at times (free baby sitting, occasional rides). Also, I have a pretty good paying job so my wife has been at home most of these years. She's actually considering getting a job now that the youngest is in first grade.

 
Ours are 4 years apart (plus 8 days)... and it makes for a good spacing.

The oldest was 3 when we got pregnant- which was old enough for him to be able to discuss what was going on... even more so when he was 4 when his sister was born. We watched friends go through the 2nd kid when the oldest was 2 and less capable of verbalizing how ####ed they felt... seemed harder in that regard. For us us, we got a little rest from the diapers and sleeplessness before it all came crashing back in.

On the flip side, at 7 and 3 our kids are only just starting to really play with each other, versus the kids who were closer in age who seemed to play together almost at birth. The 4 years makes for a decent sized gap of capabilities and interests. For us, the loss of sleep with the 2nd one was rough, since we were both in our 40s when she was born.

My big brother is almost 6 years older than me, and pretty much a stranger. Not great.

IMO, if you're thinking about it... you're ready for #2.

 
moneyman said:
Stopped at 1 and without a doubt was the right decision for us. I do think there are some unique challenges to raising an only child well though. Every couple has their line of what they can and can't handle so you just have to figure it out with her.

There is no guarantee that your kids will like each other and have a good sibling relationship. Lot of parents have more for that reason.
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I'd like to hear more about this stopping at one child.

 
Wife has really been applying the pressure on this one lately... My son is 2.5 and I ask him "do you want a baby brother or sister?" and he emphatically says no... IDK if he fully understands what I'm getting at, but he also says "no baby!"

While I consider this in my thought process, I think in the long run he'll be happier being closer in age to a sibling - If we keep waiting, they'll be pretty far apart.

Another huge negative for me is housing... I've lived in my apartment for a decade, it is in a big 2 BR in what has become either the best or 2nd best neighborhood to have kids in NYC. Since I've been there for so long, my cost on my apartment is considerably less than it would be if I went out looking for an apartment on the open market now. For an extra 300-400 square feet, I take my below market rent and I'll be paying market which would equal roughly $3k-$4500 additional a month. If the baby was another boy, I could get them to share a room for another 4-5 years, but this is completely up to chance...

 
I'm 4 years older than my brother and 11 years older than my sister.

It's almost like little sis is an only child. My brother and I are very financially independent, had to pay for our college ourselves (still :wall: about this one), etc, but I'm pretty sure they'd give her anything she wants. I'm not too jealous. ;)

It's probably because dad doesn't work swing shift anymore and she plays golf with him.

 
McGarnicle said:
fantasycurse42 said:
How did you make the decision it was time? We've been discussing now that my son is almost 1 and a half and can't decide if the timing is right, if we should keep waiting, or maybe one child is enough.
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My only input is that I'm an only child and always wished I had at least one sibling, for a number of reasons.
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I know this post is old, but I'll echo what McGarnicle said. I'm also an only - it was AWESOME when I was little. Now, I REALLY wish I had at least one sibling.

When your parents grow old and become less independant, knowing you're their main line of support is an incredible burden. You just do it, because, at least in my case, my parents have done so much for me...but I'm dreading when they get a lot older.

 
Fat Nick said:
McGarnicle said:
fantasycurse42 said:
How did you make the decision it was time? We've been discussing now that my son is almost 1 and a half and can't decide if the timing is right, if we should keep waiting, or maybe one child is enough.
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My only input is that I'm an only child and always wished I had at least one sibling, for a number of reasons.
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I know this post is old, but I'll echo what McGarnicle said. I'm also an only - it was AWESOME when I was little. Now, I REALLY wish I had at least one sibling.

When your parents grow old and become less independant, knowing you're their main line of support is an incredible burden. You just do it, because, at least in my case, my parents have done so much for me...but I'm dreading when they get a lot older.
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My wife is an only child and I second this times a million.

As far as my own kids, after my son was born we went without protections for quite a while, she didn't get her period for at least a year. Eventually we figured our luck was running out so she went to the doctor to get a rx for the pill again. They have her a pregnancy test and we learned it was too late for the pill.

Some people think it is a challenge to have kids that close (my boys ended up being 20 months apart, but only one grade apart). They are definitely down sides, but plenty of up sides. While having two kids in diapers for a while was painful, the time dealing with diapers was cut down since they overlapped. That was awesome.

 
fantasycurse42 said:
Wife has really been applying the pressure on this one lately... My son is 2.5 and I ask him "do you want a baby brother or sister?" and he emphatically says no... IDK if he fully understands what I'm getting at, but he also says "no baby!"

While I consider this in my thought process, I think in the long run he'll be happier being closer in age to a sibling - If we keep waiting, they'll be pretty far apart.

Another huge negative for me is housing... I've lived in my apartment for a decade, it is in a big 2 BR in what has become either the best or 2nd best neighborhood to have kids in NYC. Since I've been there for so long, my cost on my apartment is considerably less than it would be if I went out looking for an apartment on the open market now. For an extra 300-400 square feet, I take my below market rent and I'll be paying market which would equal roughly $3k-$4500 additional a month. If the baby was another boy, I could get them to share a room for another 4-5 years, but this is completely up to chance...
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fwiw, our are 4 years apart (almost to the week) at 7 and 3. they've just started to interact more- after 3 years of big brother not wanting too much to do with little sister. so taht's a few years of harder work parenting. but again- I'm sure I said it ina previous post- having the second when big bro was 4 made it easier for him to grasp and communicate abuot and easier for us to handle since he was mostly self contained by that time. our friends who do two within a couple years... looks exhausting, and theolder sibling isn't developed enough to even express themselves (aside from tantrums) about the situation.

housing. bleh. we're in the same boat with a decent sized (by NYC standards) 2BR apartment that we've been in for 13 years that we know is far below market rate (immediate upstairs unit, same floor plan, but without a nice private patio in the back, goes for more than 50% more than what we pay). we could squeeze 3yo daughter into big brother's room, but for now we've carved a space out of our living space (loft-esque) for her. I hate it. I want her to have her own room... but as you very well know- there just aren't that many 3brs in NYC. Add in that for a neighborhood you'd want to live in with kids- hell- most neighborhoods... you're paying 6-7k min. or you move to shadier neighborhood or get the 1BR that's been chopped up into 3BR where you can barely squeeze a couch in, let alone a dining table or queen sized beds. If we have to move- we're ####ed.

 
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