fantasycurse42
Footballguy Jr.
How did you make the decision it was time? We've been discussing now that my son is almost 1 and a half and can't decide if the timing is right, if we should keep waiting, or maybe one child is enough.
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Having a Second Child? (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter fantasycurse42
- Start date
McGarnicle
Footballguy
My only input is that I'm an only child and always wished I had at least one sibling, for a number of reasons.
fantasycurse42
Footballguy Jr.
I hear you, but on the flip side I'm sure there are some positives to being an only child too.
Thunderlips
Footballguy
Two is definitely cool and the culture shock from 0 to 1 is WAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY bigger than from 1 to 2.
With the 2 year spacing, you don't have to double up on most of that baby gear (high chair, crib, etc. etc.) which is definitely a money saver....nor are you storing it forever.
2 years is a good in regards to them playing with each other.
With the 2 year spacing, you don't have to double up on most of that baby gear (high chair, crib, etc. etc.) which is definitely a money saver....nor are you storing it forever.
2 years is a good in regards to them playing with each other.
fantasycurse42
Footballguy Jr.
McGarnicle
Footballguy
Not in my case, but my upbringing was far from ideal too. An only child with functional parents would no doubt have it better than I did. But I do think most of the time it's a much tougher road, all else being equal.
Patriotsfatboy1
Footballguy
Our #2 was an unexpected joy. We did not expect him (whoops) and there was a little over 2 years difference. The two years is definitely better than 1 in that you can get one of our diapers before the next one comes along. This year, they actually get to play on the same baseball team, so it is better than a 3+ year difference. Once you get into paying for college, just don't end up with 4 in school all at once. 
TobiasFunke
Footballguy
I currently have two kids in diapers at the same time. I can confirm that you don't want it.
Patriotsfatboy1
Footballguy
Me too, but my thinking was to get it over with and never have to deal with diapers ever again.
Our first 2 kids are about 18 months apart, and we're expecting our third and final child right around the time the second child turns 2, so they're all going to be about 3 1/2 years apart. We just did the natural spacing between children 1 and 2, but we put a bit more planning towards child 3, waiting a bit longer. Still, if you think you can handle it, go for it. My kids play very well together so far, so that is a bonus.
fantasycurse42
Footballguy Jr.
I just can't imagine it... My son started picking up his diaper genie last month and tossing it. We had to basically get rid of it, not like it actually stops the stench of #### anyways.
ETA:
But it would be nice to be done with it, if we have another.
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Ned
Footballguy
Our boys are a shade over 2yrs apart (7 & 5) and its the perfect spacing. On top of Thunderlips' points..... They're in the same soccer age group, will be in the same school for a big part of the lives, etc.
I'm glad I convinced the wife to stop at 2. We watch our nephew a lot, who's almost 5, and F THAT MESS. The jump to 3 boys causes a mob mentality with them. They're totally different kids when its all 3 vs. any combo of the 2 of them.
The best kid advice I can ever give....... Don't agree on a # of kids you want until after you have the first one. If you agree to 3, 4, 5 etc before having 1.... You've set yourself up for a lot of debates with the wife if you later realize that you made a mistake.
TobiasFunke
Footballguy
For me it's not necessarily the diapers themselves as much as having two kids that both are home all day every day and require constant supervision and assistance. Not that I'm complaining, it's fun as hell and incredibly rewarding. But if I could choose I'd probably have them be 2.5-3 years apart instead of 15 months.
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marshall88
Footballguy
There is no "perfect spacing" for kids. There's benefits to having them close in age, and further apart. My kids are 4 years apart - not because we planned it that way, but because that's just the way it turned out for us. My kids get along great, but every pair of siblings will be different. My view of it is that, while I would like my kids to be close and friendly with each other while they are young, what I really want is for them to have a relationship with each other when they're adults - and when you look at it that way, it doesn't matter whether there is a 2, 3 or even 8 year difference.
fantasycurse42
Footballguy Jr.
This is my thought process... If we start trying now, they'll prob be 2.5 years apart and this seems like a good spacing.
fantasycurse42
Footballguy Jr.
My brother is 4 years older than I am... I was a real #### up as a kid and he was extremely well together. He helped me get to where I am today. If he was only 1 or 2 years older, IDK if he would've been as helpful.
cstu
Footballguy
Enough for me. I have a different situation than most but can't imagine adding the stress of another kid to my life. I'd like my daughter to have a sibling but not at the expense of my sanity.
Stopped at 1 and without a doubt was the right decision for us. I do think there are some unique challenges to raising an only child well though. Every couple has their line of what they can and can't handle so you just have to figure it out with her.
There is no guarantee that your kids will like each other and have a good sibling relationship. Lot of parents have more for that reason.
There is no guarantee that your kids will like each other and have a good sibling relationship. Lot of parents have more for that reason.
El Floppo
Footballguy
Ours are 4 years apart.
Part of our thinking was selfish- it's exhausting with the baby/toddler, and having two at the same time (if they were 1 or 2 years apart) sounded like more work than we were hoping for. Flip-side, they can play together easier and are more likely to be "friends" moving forward.
With 4 years, we felt like our oldest was able to process the idea of it much better than we saw with friends who went younger, and also able to talk and listen about it better. It definitely made things easier in that regard, even if 4 isn't really that old to be talking about this stuff. Down side so far is that they're only just starting to engage each other at almost 7 and 3 and I don't really see a big potential for them being "friend" close moving forward. But maybe I'm wishing that "friend" thing on people with siblings closer in age to them... my older brother is 5 1/2 years older and practically a stranger to me.
And 2 kids is a real gamechanger in terms of family dynamics... there's no rest and nowhere to hide.
Frostillicus
Footballguy
Ours 2.5 years apart. Glad we had the second one now (6 and 3.5), but having a toddler and a baby made me want to kill myself or my wife pretty much every day.
Judge Smails
Footballguy
If you're like most of us the decision will be made for you. When that decision is made for you enough times, then you need to figure out a way to stop that from happening. For us, it was after 3. Ours are 2 to 2 1/2 years apart. Keeps them close. Fighting when their young, closer as they get older.
fantasycurse42
Footballguy Jr.
MAC_32
Footballguy
Yep, our oldest was potty trained a month before #2 was born. We tried, and tried, and tried...so one day my wife just put him in underwear and let him soil himself a half dozen times until he started using the toilet and he's been fine ever since.
No more than one in diapers at the same time.
Dentist
***Official FBG Dentist***
YSR
Footballguy
MAC_32
Footballguy
I made the mistake and am going to lose the battle to stop at 2. She's not going to win the let's go for 4 argument though. She's hinted at going down that path if #3 is another boy, but I'm just going to go get snipped anyway.I'm glad I convinced the wife to stop at 2. We watch our nephew a lot, who's almost 5, and F THAT MESS. The jump to 3 boys causes a mob mentality with them. They're totally different kids when its all 3 vs. any combo of the 2 of them.
The best kid advice I can ever give....... Don't agree on a # of kids you want until after you have the first one. If you agree to 3, 4, 5 etc before having 1.... You've set yourself up for a lot of debates with the wife if you later realize that you made a mistake.
Thunderlips
Footballguy
My neighbors (an only child) mother recently passed away after a long bout of Alzheimers and while she is married with four children...she confided that she never felt more alone during the illness and death because she didn't have anyone to share the burden with.....and that her last string to her childhood/original family group was gone and that she alone. While she has a husband/kids etc......I do think there's something to be said for some sort of sibling support when times are bad and as a reminder when your life was a bit simplier.
My wife, an perfectly content single child....got upset when she heard this. I don't think that that ever occurred to her.
While everyone's different...different strokes for different folks and all that bull ####....I'm glad that my children(2) won't have to go thru family burdens alone.
My wife, an perfectly content single child....got upset when she heard this. I don't think that that ever occurred to her.
While everyone's different...different strokes for different folks and all that bull ####....I'm glad that my children(2) won't have to go thru family burdens alone.
YSR
Footballguy
Something of a similar note... we had always talked about having two, but it wasn't until we actually had our daughter that my husband looked at me and said "we need to have another one... the thought of her ever being alone [when we pass away] just devastates me".
It is an interesting thought about having a child, or multiple children, that if you do your job correctly, they will in all likelihood outlive you. I'm glad that my children will all have each other if/when my wife and I go the way of all the earth. It is a sobering thought, though.
The_Man
Footballguy
Our kids are 5 years apart - didn't plan for that big a gap, but my wife got pregnant in about 15 minutes the first time around, so we figured that would be the case the second time. Turned out to be much tougher, including a very early miscarriage.
As it turned out, that spacing was kind of awesome. Just when #1 was getting himself dressed, making his own breakfast, and heading off to school, we started over with a newborn. Kind of a culture shock for a couple weeks, as it turns out I had forgotten how to do things like change diapers, and I couldn't believe we had reset the child-rearing clock to zero. But a little later it turned out that #2 also got a lot of one-on-one attention, because #1 was old enough to be off at school.
So thankful we have 2 kids, but it definitely changes the dynamic. Our best friends just have one - and it's almost like they're a trio. He is very mature and sophisticated for his age because he spends so much time with his parents (as opposed to a sibling) but he's also a little spoiled. And for them, the kid is almost like half-a-spouse because they are always always kind of focused on him and him alone. Going to all his sporting events, all his school stuff, etc. Once you have two kids you have to divide and conquer, splitting your time between the kids, and I don't think that's the worst thing in the world. Feels like it cuts down on the kids' expectation of always having a parent on-demand. But the single parent kids definitely have a lot more money to spend on trips, going out, etc.
As it turned out, that spacing was kind of awesome. Just when #1 was getting himself dressed, making his own breakfast, and heading off to school, we started over with a newborn. Kind of a culture shock for a couple weeks, as it turns out I had forgotten how to do things like change diapers, and I couldn't believe we had reset the child-rearing clock to zero. But a little later it turned out that #2 also got a lot of one-on-one attention, because #1 was old enough to be off at school.
So thankful we have 2 kids, but it definitely changes the dynamic. Our best friends just have one - and it's almost like they're a trio. He is very mature and sophisticated for his age because he spends so much time with his parents (as opposed to a sibling) but he's also a little spoiled. And for them, the kid is almost like half-a-spouse because they are always always kind of focused on him and him alone. Going to all his sporting events, all his school stuff, etc. Once you have two kids you have to divide and conquer, splitting your time between the kids, and I don't think that's the worst thing in the world. Feels like it cuts down on the kids' expectation of always having a parent on-demand. But the single parent kids definitely have a lot more money to spend on trips, going out, etc.
strykerpks
Footballguy
TobiasFunke
Footballguy
Mine are 15.5 months apart. As I said it wouldn't have been my first choice but it's not like it's a total disaster or something. There are definitely benefits. The older one was still too young to appreciate what the heck was going on when the second one arrived, so we didn't have to go through any of that insane jealousy thing you see a lot when they're a couple years apart. They're both in bed well before 7:30 and probably will be fora couple years to come, so we get lots of relaxing time in the evenings. And we still had all the onesies and other baby crap, didn't have to gather it from elsewhere or buy new stuff.
G
Guest
Guest
The number of pictures you take of child 2 goes down significantly from child 1. Same with 3 to 2. By kid 5 or 6, there is barely any historical record that they were part of the family.
BobbyLayne
Footballguy
Mine are 10 years apart. Divorced first wife, second was an oops (did not marry daughter's mom). Single dad x2.
The following was a primer on how not to do it.
Kids are the best thing in life, and #2 isn't close. I've enjoyed every single stage of being a dad. I loved taking care of them as babies. The exponential learning curve for toddlers/grade school is an awesome thing to witness. My relationship with my oldest (he'll be 16 in October) is evolving, and I love the adult conversations we are having.
Totally different dynamic for the OP (marriage/relationships/timing) obviously, but I wish you well. Moving to the suburbs soon?
I was in a family of six, two boys and and two girls. The older three are 14 and 18 months apart (e.g., 32 months from oldest to #3); I came along 40 months later. I do think 12-24 months spacing is optimal. You basically have to plan family activities around the least developed child for the first 10 years, so it's cool if they're a year or two apart. When they're 4-10 years apart, it's a bit of a bummer for the oldest. So you end up doing different activities with each kid. Good for one on one, but then the logistics are more work. Trips/vacations are easier to plan when your kids are close in age.
Oh, and diapers/potty training...man it must be hell having 2-3 in diapers at the same time..
Ditka Butkus
Footballguy
I don't like babies...They are nasty little creatures.
McGarnicle
Footballguy
This is starting to really hit home for me as well. I love my mom to death but frankly she's nuts and I'm dreading having to take care of her someday. She's been unable to maintain a marriage and she's been talking about leaving my stepdad and moving down here. My first instinct is to move to Belize, but I know I have to be the good son and be there for her. I wish I had siblings to share that burden. And looking back, I wish I had siblings when I was a kid, as it would have helped my psychological development and to fit in better with other kids. I was always considered the class clown but a really weird kid. And through any number of hands of #### that life deals you over a lifetime, I could imagine that having that sibling support would have been a comfort. I look at the relationships my wife has with her brothers and sisters and I'm envious.
