I am absolutely terrified of attractive women. (1 Viewer)

[SWC]

i see that someone up above has beat me to the parnera punch but brohan that is the go to move you walk right up to her and you say baby either you are digging my french onion soup or your just dont know it yet so why not come on down to parnera town with me and let me show you how a real fella treats a lady then you go dutch on french onion breadbowl and bam the next thing you know its get me to the church on time thats just how panera works take that to the bank bromigo

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

can we move this to the political sub-forum? 

I was thinking since it might involve the Turk cutting a player that maybe the Assistant Coach forum.

 

[Conanthecontrarian]

Thanks for all the responses (many of them excellent). I'll be back later to respond to the people and comments that seemed helpful and interesting.

don't forget to hit the Like button too, if you aren't too busy and dont think it is cheap and meaningless.

people love that stuff.

 

[Judge Smails]

my nephew used to walk up to chicks way outside of his leagues and totally disarm them.  "So what's your story?".  His hit rate in getting long conversations and phone #'s was unbelievable.  He was quick witted and funny.  So even as a 5 he had success going after 8's..

 

[DropKick]

my nephew used to walk up to chicks way outside of his leagues and totally disarm them.  "So what's your story?".  His hit rate in getting long conversations and phone #'s was unbelievable.  He was quick witted and funny.  So even as a 5 he had success going after 8's..

Commendable approach.

Mine was even simpler.  Had a 100% success rate getting their name and address with just three words...

License and Registration.

 

[Eminence]

There is nothing to be afraid of if the outcome is already known.  

I'm not sure I fully grasp this.

same advice as public speaking: picture them in their underwear 

I like this one a lot.

My thought process was always to imagine you have already slept with them. Once you sleep with someone once, you are confident, comfortable and know there is a 95% chance it will/could happen again.  

This is probably pretty good and an example of positive thinking. I think I need to establish a good approach and then instill this as the mindset.

Right now, I'll approach a chick and look for an excuse to to bail mid-conversation. It's tough keeping a stranger's attention for an extended period of time. Especially a hot chick.

 

[Eminence]

The 5's & 6's are much less effort not only in the pickup phase but lower maintenance and expense in the longer term. Find a girl you can barely stomach, treat her nice for a week, then act indifferent. She'll clean your apartment, drive you around if you're too drunk, bring you food, you name it. You can have a few of them, and they might not even get mad if they find out about each other.

Sadly that's where I'm most comfortable engaging with. If a girl is borderline 7 category, it's gravy.

When a 7.5 approaches me, I'm jello. It's awful. I would be happy with a 7. The difference is like going from collegiate sports to professional.

Even if you are less confident (I assume most of us have had a couple times where we didn't feel we gave our best performance- thanks a lot whisky), it's just more likely it will happen again. The personal barrier isn't there anymore and it's like "well what does it matter, already did it once so what is a 2nd time really? Won't add to my body count, nbd". 

The counterpoint to this is if you suck. Then it actually might reduce your chances 

I've never really had problem in this department. There's only a certain amount of positions to roll through.

Figure out what they like, throw a few variations, boom. Put in the effort.

if a pretty woman smiles at you, go over and talk to her. At first you may have trouble with it because youre nervous. the more you do it, the easier it gets. when you go over to her, you dont have a girlfriend. so, if nothing happens between you, you end up where you started.  you arent any worse off. that is the worst that can happen, so it is worth the risk.

I agree with what you're saying. I just don't know what to say. I walk into a bar and I see a babe there who looks at me and smiles.

Do I open with immediate shenanigans? Play it cool? I know it depends a lot on personality and appearance, I just have no clue what appropriate small talk is.

 

[Eminence]

At the risk of succumbing to shtick, you should look into cognitive behavioral therapy.  The one kernel of truth in all that pick up artist garbage is that you shouldn't let a rejection feel like a referendum on your self worth.  You have to separate the actual event ("no thanks") from the feelings it engenders ("I'm unloveable/worthless/whatever").  After all, she's not rejecting "you."  She doesn't know "you" yet.  This is obviously easier said than done.  I didn't manage to do it when I was in your position until I developed a little more peace with who I was.

You seem well versed in this. I would love to even get rejected. I can't hold a conversation with an attractive woman long enough to get rejected.

How ugly does a woman have to be before you're comfortable saying hi? 

Do you have any issues saying hi to anyone else? The bartender? Bouncer? Guys? 

I'd say 7 is equilibrium. Anything above that and I get more squirmish. Anything below that and I have declining / passive interest.

I don't have interest talking to anyone else since nobody else really has anything I want. Ugly girls, who cares what they think? Bartender, do your job give me a beer. Bouncer, stay the #### out my way. Guys, no problem I grew up with two older brothers.

The only group of people I have trouble talking to is attractive women.

Also, she is likely nervous too so that's something you have in common, can even joke about it and make a connection.

I think that's part of it. Many times I've approached women, I get this stupid blank stare from them.

I've said multiple things for them to respond to. Yet it's like it's gone through them, over them, or something I'm not wrapping my head around.

 

[Eminence]

Yep. Best way to get over your fear is to try it. You might discover it's not so scary and some small part of you may like it. It's like a fun game to some. 

You're right. But I just don't know what solid small talk is. I'll can get started:

My name is blank. I'm here because xyz. Insert funny thing that happened to me today. Let's do a round of shots.

But there comes a visible end of the road and conversation. What happens then?

Plus you are going to have some success just based on pure volume. Look at Todd Gurley. He was atrocious last year, but give anyone the ball 320 times and they are bound to score a few touchdowns. 

Funny and sad because Todd Gurley was supposed to be he man. Another good point though, I can probably count on two hands the amount of chicks I've tried to hit on this year.

A lot of times there are so many chicks at a bar, where do you even start? I've noticed that the girls that approach me the most are blondes and they scare me the most.

A blonde hair, blue eyed girl walks up to me... oh my god, I die. It's like heaven until I am unable to function like a normal person, I don't get their name or number, and they slip away into the night.

I'm not sure if this is the issue, but you could look into a self-help book for social anxiety disorder, if that is what it is. It could help to give tips on how to help overcome that.

I could never do the "cold" conversation in a bar either.  I ended up signing up for eHarmony and met my wife that way. There was a lengthy "getting to know" process before getting to the one-on-one conversation phase, which I appreciated.

I think it might be part of this. I know it's particularly bad when I've smoked weed prior. But when I'm sober I'm no Casanova either.

At least when I go places stoned, stoner chicks catch on and there's at least a common interest.

"Let's smoke a blunt some time. Let me get your number."

I think self-help anxiety is a good path. What I experience is closer to anxiety than I've ever felt and I think that can be fixed through conditioning.

 

[Eminence]

I'll tell you what's a real eye-opener, Impractical Jokers. Those guys are making every effort to embarrass each other by making them say the most ridiculous things to strangers. But occasionally the target is an attractive woman and it's clear she's interested even as the guy is being utterly ridiculous. In any instance there could be a million explanations but the common denominator is a man walking up and speaking to a woman and not making an obvious attempt to pick her up.

Yeah, that show really shows you the extent a random person will let you push them.

But you're right, they go on about nothing and the chicks are all wide eyed.

Another thing I found helpful, start talking as soon as you see her. Something mundane, anything really. Not a compliment or an obvious pickup attempt. Once you hesitate, that's where doubt creeps in, you overthink it and will come across awkward & nervous. Or worse, you'll be too chicken#### to say anything at all.

I think that's a good example of behavior to change. No current reaction is to get nervous and look away.

Then I'm the guy who looked right at her and approached 10 minutes later. Terrible look.

my nephew used to walk up to chicks way outside of his leagues and totally disarm them.  "So what's your story?".  His hit rate in getting long conversations and phone #'s was unbelievable.  He was quick witted and funny.  So even as a 5 he had success going after 8's..

I would feel like a total ##### saying that but I bet if it actually works, I would be comfortable very quickly.

 

[Eminence]

I also must be the world's worst wingman. I've either caused the downfall of many ships or been completely unhelpful.

*Friend approaches two girls.*

*Friend talks them up.*

At this point, I either fail to jump into conversation or fail miserably to keep my girl entertained.

 

[SWC]

no reply to my parnera suggestion eh eminance well have it your way i tried to help and you ignored the old swcer good luck getting girls at mcdonalds or something take that to the bank brohan

 

[Weebs210]

Use this opener. Walk up to her after eye contact, put a napkin up to her nose/mouth and ask if this smells like chloroform.

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRyDriJerS4

 

[Ilov80s]

I also must be the world's worst wingman. I've either caused the downfall of many ships or been completely unhelpful.

*Friend approaches two girls.*

*Friend talks them up.*

At this point, I either fail to jump into conversation or fail miserably to keep my girl entertained.

You should try getting a job somewhere with attractive women so that A) you have to engage with them and B) it will be more natural. This might help you get used to it. 

 

[Ramsay Hunt Experience]

You should try getting a job somewhere with attractive women so that A) you have to engage with them and B) it will be more natural. This might help you get used to it. 

Or at least be in situations where you regularly engage with women that isn't a bar situation. 

Think of this as a paradigm shift.  When you see an attractive woman, you think "I wonder if she'll like me!"  Maybe you should focus on having a conversation that interests you.  Not to get all feminist on you, but the first step is recognizing that women are people not some goal to be achieved.  And they like having interesting and fun conversations just like men do.  In all probability, you'll have to learn how to have female friends before you learn how to have girlfriends.  That doesn't mean hanging around an attractive woman you really like as her puppy dog waiting for her to decide you're the one.  It means being genuinely interested in her as a friend without expectation of anything else. 

 

[Ramsay Hunt Experience]

no reply to my parnera suggestion eh eminance well have it your way i tried to help and you ignored the old swcer good luck getting girls at mcdonalds or something take that to the bank brohan

"Hey, baby.  You can get the soup in the bread bowl and everything!"

Pure playa move. 

 

[BigSteelThrill]

Hang out at my club on a few weekends and spend some time with me. The actual classes are typically 4 hours long. 

 

[Ilov80s]

Or at least be in situations where you regularly engage with women that isn't a bar situation. 

Think of this as a paradigm shift.  When you see an attractive woman, you think "I wonder if she'll like me!"  Maybe you should focus on having a conversation that interests you.  Not to get all feminist on you, but the first step is recognizing that women are people not some goal to be achieved.  And they like having interesting and fun conversations just like men do.  In all probability, you'll have to learn how to have female friends before you learn how to have girlfriends.  That doesn't mean hanging around an attractive woman you really like as her puppy dog waiting for her to decide you're the one.  It means being genuinely interested in her as a friend without expectation of anything else. 

Sound advice. Instead of trying to "pick up", try to "get to know" and "have a conversation".

 

[SWC]

i am terrified of being attacked by a tiger so we have something in common i guess you are all right em take that to the bank bromigo 

 

[Joe Summer]

Have you considered the possibility that there is a direct correlation between your lack of confidence with attractive women, and your unwavering support of Donald Trump?

 

[Eminence]

no reply to my parnera suggestion eh eminance well have it your way i tried to help and you ignored the old swcer good luck getting girls at mcdonalds or something take that to the bank brohan

Sorry old boy, no disrespect but I can't even get as far as inviting a girl to Panera.

You should try getting a job somewhere with attractive women so that A) you have to engage with them and B) it will be more natural. This might help you get used to it. 

I agree with this. When I worked at Olive Garden it seemed like I was getting leads every time there was a new hire.

Or at least be in situations where you regularly engage with women that isn't a bar situation. 

Think of this as a paradigm shift.  When you see an attractive woman, you think "I wonder if she'll like me!"  Maybe you should focus on having a conversation that interests you.  Not to get all feminist on you, but the first step is recognizing that women are people not some goal to be achieved.  And they like having interesting and fun conversations just like men do.  In all probability, you'll have to learn how to have female friends before you learn how to have girlfriends.  That doesn't mean hanging around an attractive woman you really like as her puppy dog waiting for her to decide you're the one.  It means being genuinely interested in her as a friend without expectation of anything else. 

I've got female friends, just not attractive female friends... which I guess is part of the problem.

Even if I just become "friends" with a hot chick. By virtue of being her friend, I will ultimately be around more hot chicks that they're friends with.

Makes sense.

 

[Eminence]

Hang out at my club on a few weekends and spend some time with me. The actual classes are typically 4 hours long. 

You own a club? Where at? I'm there. People who know the owner get all the ###.

Sound advice. Instead of trying to "pick up", try to "get to know" and "have a conversation".

This works but I have no ability to close a conversation well.

Have you considered the possibility that there is a direct correlation between your lack of confidence with attractive women, and your unwavering support of Donald Trump?

Hrm, I sincerely hope not. ?

 

[Ilov80s]

This works but I have no ability to close a conversation well.

What exactly do you mean by close?

 

[Eminence]

What exactly do you mean by close?

Well, I can approach a woman and I could be having the best conversation in the world. But I feel like I either end it too soon or hang around too long where she ends it.

That sweet spot is elusive or maybe I just have low self-esteem...

 

[BigSteelThrill]

You own a club? Where at? I'm there. People who know the owner get all the ###.

Its owned by one of my very best friends. I do VIP hospitality as a fun moonlight.

And yes, his jacuzzi has to be shocked after every weekend.  

 

[BigSteelThrill]

Well, I can approach a woman and I could be having the best conversation in the world. But I feel like I either end it too soon or hang around too long where she ends it.

That sweet spot is elusive or maybe I just have low self-esteem...

Too considerate?

 

[bushdocda]

Think you should reconsider the Panera angle. Hot chicks love Panera. 

 

[elguapo07]

I mean just don't walk in.  You move across the room. And you don't talk to her.  You use your face. You use your whole body.  You use everything. That's what I do.  I mean I just send out this vibe and I find that women do respond. I mean, something happens.

 

[Ghost Rider]

This shyness routine is really starting to aggravate me.

 

[Conanthecontrarian]

Sadly that's where I'm most comfortable engaging with. If a girl is borderline 7 category, it's gravy.

When a 7.5 approaches me, I'm jello. It's awful. I would be happy with a 7. The difference is like going from collegiate sports to professional.

I've never really had problem in this department. There's only a certain amount of positions to roll through.

Figure out what they like, throw a few variations, boom. Put in the effort.

I agree with what you're saying. I just don't know what to say. I walk into a bar and I see a babe there who looks at me and smiles.

Do I open with immediate shenanigans? Play it cool? I know it depends a lot on personality and appearance, I just have no clue what appropriate small talk is.

start with the easy stuff. introduce yourself and ask her name. then ask questions about her. what do you do for a living?, etc. then base your conversation on her answers. be yourself. you can try all kinds of shtick, but ultimately she has to like you, not some facade you throw up. 

 

[RokNRole]

start with the easy stuff. introduce yourself and ask her name. then ask questions about her. what do you do for a living?, etc. then base your conversation on her answers. be yourself. you can try all kinds of shtick, but ultimately she has to like you, not some facade you throw up. 

This guy bangs a lot of chicks. I would listen to him.

 

[Conanthecontrarian]

This guy bangs a lot of chicks. I would listen to him.

gents, the playa has entered the thread. i suggest you all pay attention.

 

[BigSteelThrill]

start with the easy stuff. introduce yourself and ask her name. then ask questions about her. what do you do for a living?, etc. then base your conversation on her answers. be yourself. you can try all kinds of shtick, but ultimately she has to like you, not some facade you throw up. 

crash and burn!

 

[DocHolliday]

Practice.   Approach hot chicks and try to talk to them.   You will get better eventually.    

 

[Eminence]

Okay, so the original context of this thread may have been hyperbole:

I recently took a vacation back home to Chicago and had plenty of drunken opporunities to talk to women. After that I went on a casino cruise a few times since being back home and here are my findings:

1.) I had a ton of success in the 6 - 7 range. I don't know if I was more relaxed or if they were just more interested because I was closer in attractiveness than I would be an 8 - 10.

2.) It was much easier to talk to a girl one-on-one versus a group of girls. Same thing as having a group of guys with me. There seemed to be too much conflicting interest and easiness for any of us to withdraw into our own groups when the conversation lulled.

3.) The best conversation I had ended up being with this beautiful blonde chick at the casino boat who was married.

Not sure if she felt secure that she had that in her back pocket or if all the intelligent women my age have already been scooped up. Sometimes it feels like all the available women are available for a reason... and what does that say about me (fml)?

The positive note here is that it gave me an opening to talk to her less attractive friend. But I think that's part of the trick. Girls are friends with other girls. Make friends with one and you have access to the friend group.

4.) What really seemed to work was being the most interesting / entertaining person in proximity. I sat down at a Blackjack table with what I viewed to be a few couples... and I instantly became the center of attention.

I was comfortable, I had a drink in my hand. I was playing blackjack. I was having fun, making everyone laugh, and I seemed to be accepted by the group as a whole.

5.) Sometimes the playing field is confusing as hell. There was this shy girl I was talking with who seemed like my shear presence was a nuisance. Fleeting eye contact, laughed at my jokes but overall wasn't really contributing to the conversation. I wrote it off as a loss.

Next time I see her, she remembers my name, hugs me, and offers to smoke me up on some weed. She still wasn't the greatest with eye contact and was probably the least sociable girl I've talked to. But she may have been the most interested...

 

[ConnSKINS26]

I don't know if you've grown as a person or just gotten better at message board-ing, but I gotta say Em as someone who hasn't seen you outside a political thread in a while you've come along a little bit...you accept and consider advice much more than in the past, it seems like. 

 

[McGarnicle]

Cool, so how many did you bang?

 

[DocHolliday]

Okay, so the original context of this thread may have been hyperbole:

I recently took a vacation back home to Chicago and had plenty of drunken opporunities to talk to women. After that I went on a casino cruise a few times since being back home and here are my findings:

1.) I had a ton of success in the 6 - 7 range. I don't know if I was more relaxed or if they were just more interested because I was closer in attractiveness than I would be an 8 - 10.

2.) It was much easier to talk to a girl one-on-one versus a group of girls. Same thing as having a group of guys with me. There seemed to be too much conflicting interest and easiness for any of us to withdraw into our own groups when the conversation lulled.

3.) The best conversation I had ended up being with this beautiful blonde chick at the casino boat who was married.

Not sure if she felt secure that she had that in her back pocket or if all the intelligent women my age have already been scooped up. Sometimes it feels like all the available women are available for a reason... and what does that say about me (fml)?

The positive note here is that it gave me an opening to talk to her less attractive friend. But I think that's part of the trick. Girls are friends with other girls. Make friends with one and you have access to the friend group.

4.) What really seemed to work was being the most interesting / entertaining person in proximity. I sat down at a Blackjack table with what I viewed to be a few couples... and I instantly became the center of attention.

I was comfortable, I had a drink in my hand. I was playing blackjack. I was having fun, making everyone laugh, and I seemed to be accepted by the group as a whole.

5.) Sometimes the playing field is confusing as hell. There was this shy girl I was talking with who seemed like my shear presence was a nuisance. Fleeting eye contact, laughed at my jokes but overall wasn't really contributing to the conversation. I wrote it off as a loss.

Next time I see her, she remembers my name, hugs me, and offers to smoke me up on some weed. She still wasn't the greatest with eye contact and was probably the least sociable girl I've talked to. But she may have been the most interested...

You make a move on the shy one asap.   She wants you.   

 

[Carver]

I am absolutely terrified of attractive women.

Sure do wish I had this problem.

 

[Eminence]

I don't know if you've grown as a person or just gotten better at message board-ing, but I gotta say Em as someone who hasn't seen you outside a political thread in a while you've come along a little bit...you accept and consider advice much more than in the past, it seems like. 

I appreciate it man. I try to be coachable and feel that I've grown as a person tremendously the past couple of years.

 

[Eminence]

You make a move on the shy one asap.   She wants you.   

Yeah, I think so too. Too bad she's in Illinois and I just met her while I was on vacation.

It's an avenue to explore when I go back but not a long term solution.

 

[Eminence]

Pondering the idea, I think what I'm missing is my own apartment. Obviously it's beneficial for asking a girl "what she's doing later" and having a place to house her.

Beyond that, you can tease the encounter mid-conversation. Also, it just gives me an extra something to talk about:

"Yeah, I've got a waterbed back at my apartment. Have you ever slept on a waterbed? It's so comfortable."

"If you and your friends don't have any plans, would you want to come back to my place? I've got an unopened bottle of Grey Goose. #### these bar prices."

That's two wanging examples I've come up with in about 5 minutes of brainstorming. 

 

[cockroach]

"Yeah, I've got a waterbed back at my apartment. Have you ever slept on a waterbed? It's so comfortable."

Perfect line if you're trying to cultivate that creeper vibe.  Add a mustache and some visible chest hair plus gold chain and you are money.  

 

[GoBirds]

I am absolutely terrified of attractive women.

If I walked into a bar and a pretty woman looked at me and smiled... my immediate reaction would be to avoid eye contact and walk past her.

I'd then spend the next 20-minutes contemplating introducing myself before convincing myself it's a terrible idea.

Maybe guys are more your thing, nothing wrong with that. 

 

[McGarnicle]

Waterbed??

 

[DocHolliday]

Pondering the idea, I think what I'm missing is my own apartment. Obviously it's beneficial for asking a girl "what she's doing later" and having a place to house her.

Beyond that, you can tease the encounter mid-conversation. Also, it just gives me an extra something to talk about:

"Yeah, I've got a waterbed back at my apartment. Have you ever slept on a waterbed? It's so comfortable."

"If you and your friends don't have any plans, would you want to come back to my place? I've got an unopened bottle of Grey Goose. #### these bar prices."

That's two wanging examples I've come up with in about 5 minutes of brainstorming. 

Your second example is legit.   Your first is classic Em.