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If you could tell 22 year old you one thing, what would it be? (1 Viewer)

fantasycurse42 said:
Zow said:
McGarnicle said:
fantasycurse42 said:
Fat girls don't really give better head :bag:
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False
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Agreed. Don't know what this guy is talking about.
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You can run into a bad beej from a fat girl just as easily as an attractive girl.
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In my experience, 100% of them are into it, and only one didn't know what she was doing. The rest went at it with much exuberance and most happily finished. I used to troll Yahoo chat, so we're talking a considerable sample size.A higher percentage of hot chicks either wouldn't do it or wouldn't go to completion.

 
Forget condoms, wear a freaking wet suit. Kids are f'ing expensive. And, if the chick is <6 put on one of those brass deep sea diving helmets for good measure.

 
- Take the job with Motorola instead of Toys "R" Us out of college.

Hands down the worst decision of my life, nothing else is even close. This was 1994 at the onset of the mobile phone boom, but Toys "R" Us did a great job at recruiting me. Motorola was offering me a job, TRU WANTED me. So it seemed like a good choice.

18 months later, I was working in IT full time at a small ISP. I could have been travelling the world marketing and selling Motorola two-way pagers and probably eventually mobiles.

 
Stop worrying so much about trying to land that 8 or 9 at the bar, as every other guy was. Focus on the under appreciated 6 face with an 8 or 9 body and enjoy the hell out of it.

 
TheIronSheik said:
Mine would be a toss up of either:

2) Quit jerking off so much.
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I was going to go with this, or tip off authorities about terrorist flights on Sept 11. Since we can only do one thing, I'm going with tossing off.

 
22 y.o. self I was still in dental school then. I was pretty satisfied with my chick scoring career there... but you should've never wasted any time trying to bang Crystal and Jenny (whom you didn't bang) when less attractive Anna would've rocked your world.

I'm not sure why you didn't max your 401k in 2004/5 but you really should have.

Don't buy that house in 2004.... there is no reason at all a single dude needed a house in the burbs.

Also really nice job banging your ultra hot assistant.... best move of your life, but you shouldn't have gotten attached.

You did a great job cherishing your time with your buddies post-graduation, but you should've spent even MORE time with them because only you hit your 30's and people get married have kids you see them a LOT LOT less and that sucks.

You should've invested more money in stocks earlier on.. you had the money... but you stuck the money in those stupid 4% CD's because you didn't understand how to open a brokerage account.

 
Penguin said:
Forget condoms, wear a freaking wet suit. Kids are f'ing expensive. And, if the chick is <6 put on one of those brass deep sea diving helmets for good measure.
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WTF?

 
Good job on the career and family. But you should have had more fun before settling down. Just as you got into your groove you found the one - which is great, but you'll never narrate a story where you tell your kids a ton of useless (but funny) stories.

Invent Facebook.

 
Don't bang hot little Jamaica chicks without a condom.

Luckily no Koya Jr. Resulted but a check was written and a nervous nine months followed

 
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Stop drinking sodas. Stop eating processed foods, especially those made with flour.

And, like my realtor once advised: get a lot while you're young

 
POLONIUS

Yet here, Laertes? Aboard, aboard, for shame!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail
And you are stayed for. There, my blessing with thee.
And these few precepts in thy memory
Look thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportioned thought his act.
Be thou familiar but by no means vulgar.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them unto thy soul with hoops of steel,
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatched, unfledged comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel, but being in,
Bear ’t that th' opposèd may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear but few thy voice.
Take each man’s censure but reserve thy judgment.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not expressed in fancy—rich, not gaudy,
For the apparel oft proclaims the man,
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell. My blessing season this in thee.
 
1. Start saving at least $50 per week in a mutual fund, and when it gets to $20,000 resist your temptation to blow it all and buy a car or a boat with it. Wait another 10-15 years until it gets to $200,000, then you can buy a car or boat every year on the capital gains alone.

2. No kids until 35.

 
If you got a degree in the liberal arts, go on and get an MBA. Nobody's going to pay you jack#### for a degree in English Lit or Transgender Studies.

 
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Don't rush into home ownership by buying that townhouse on a freeway in the far outer ring of the Seattle area. Moron.

 
Quit smoking so much weed

Spend more time with your grandfather. He is a brilliant man and there is a lot you can learn from him.

 
Wish I could've learned from a bunch of 40-year-olds when I was 20 so I didn't make these mistakes. Now that I'm 40ish, I'd like to see a thread where 60-year-olds tell me what not to screw up now.

 
Don't be nice to girls. Ever. Girls hate nice guys, so treat them bad with regularity. Ignore them, berate them, make jokes about them, tell them they're fat, beat one up now and then for practice, steal their money, boot the out of your car in the middle of nowhere, never buy them a drink, attempt to pimp them out, whatever, then when you are ready to settle down be nice to one of their hot friends they will think they are special because you beat all your other girls up, and bam you found your girl for life.

 
mquinnjr said:
fantasycurse42 said:
TheIronSheik said:
Stop spending so much money on car stereo upgrades.
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:lmao: +1
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I did this. Got a used Mazda 626 before my senior year in HS. Worked the summer and made about a grand or so. Spent approximately 700-800 of it on a head unit, a subwoofer system that took up almost half the trunk, and an amp to go along with it. Still remember it, Sony Xplode equipment. I remember telling my dad after the purchase was a done deal and installed.

:bag:

ETA: Totaled the car about 6 months later after hydroplaining in the rain, and only recovered the subwoofers.
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The part of this that hurts the most to read is the Sony Xplode part.

Ohhhh...my stomach hurts now.

 
Dentist said:
22 y.o. self I was still in dental school then. I was pretty satisfied with my chick scoring career there... but you should've never wasted any time trying to bang Crystal and Jenny (whom you didn't bang) when less attractive Anna would've rocked your world.

I'm not sure why you didn't max your 401k in 2004/5 but you really should have.

Don't buy that house in 2004.... there is no reason at all a single dude needed a house in the burbs.

Also really nice job banging your ultra hot assistant.... best move of your life, but you shouldn't have gotten attached.

You did a great job cherishing your time with your buddies post-graduation, but you should've spent even MORE time with them because only you hit your 30's and people get married have kids you see them a LOT LOT less and that sucks.

You should've invested more money in stocks earlier on.. you had the money... but you stuck the money in those stupid 4% CD's because you didn't understand how to open a brokerage account.
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:lol:

 
spreagle said:
Don't be nice to girls. Ever. Girls hate nice guys, so treat them bad with regularity. Ignore them, berate them, make jokes about them, tell them they're fat, beat one up now and then for practice, steal their money, boot the out of your car in the middle of nowhere, never buy them a drink, attempt to pimp them out, whatever, then when you are ready to settle down be nice to one of their hot friends they will think they are special because you beat all your other girls up, and bam you found your girl for life.
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I'm pretty sure this only works if you're a sociopath.

 
That six pack of tallboys every night will be 3 handles of Bacardi per week by the time you're 27. That isn't really healthy and you may want to talk to someone about that.

 
Either

A) In about 4 years, you're going to meet Yvonne. Whatever you do, do not marry her. In fact, don't even bother dating her. Stay far, far away.

or just go with the butterfly effect of

2) In a couple months, you'll have to choose between Christine and Beth. Choose Beth.

 
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Looking back, Mine would've been social advice. I've always been OK in my career decisions. I'd have told 22-year old me to date around more (i.e. less serious girlfriends), and travel more. I'm happily married now, but I wish I had more "remember when" stories.

...Oh, and DON'T go out with Kelly...that ##### is cray-cray

 
TheIronSheik said:
Stop spending so much money on car stereo upgrades.
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I could justify spending any amount of money on more bass.

I spent $600 for a JL Stealthbox for my old Wrangler when I was in college. I got a Stealthbox thinking nobody would ever find it to steal it b/c it looked like a center-console. I was right about that part...what I didn't bridge was that thieves wouldn't "nicely look for it," but would slash up the soft top looking for what was right in front of them.

Then, when I got a real job, I got a G35, and promptly gutted the interior to install Dynamat EVERYWHERE to get rid of the rattling of the sub-woofer I installed in the already small trunk.

Now I listen to history podcasts and stand-up comedy on my way to/from work because loud music makes me drive like a ####.

 
I'd say next year, avoid going to a certain event. Or if you insist, avoid the little spinner with the great blue eyes. She's really the devil in hiding.

 
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