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"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yo (1 Viewer)

'No. 16 said:
'glumpy said:
'No. 16 said:
After that I'll be completely done with her.
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Are you? You really need to step back and think about what you want and what it may or may not be worth to you. Your life is still revolving around this girl. You've literally been self destructive over losing her and now you're going to be vindictive over her distress. Decide what's best for you and go from there, and quit with the dramatizations. Maybe you're done; maybe you're not--but you need to get off this wave of emotion you're riding and try to assess just what it is that you want going forward from here. :coffee:
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Yep. This is the last order of business for me regarding her. Going through the DUI really put my problems into perspective. Why was I throwing away everything for someone who doesn't give a #### about me? I treated her well and she screwed me. So I'm done with her. There's plenty of other girls out there. Once I say bye to her family that will be it, because I really don't want to be with her anymore. She didn't appreciate all I did and I know I deserve better. I'm a good guy, have a great family, great career, and I'm not ugly. When I was with her there were plenty of girls who were interested in me, but I sayed faithful. Since, I've been going out I've had no problem talking to girls. So it's only a matter of time until I find the one. Until then I'll try and bang as many women as my drivers license permits.
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Say goodbye to her family? Are you for real? Let me clue you in on something.... even if they treated you like a son, they aren't going to now. They aren't YOUR parents. They are her parents. Sounds like you are just trying to give an impression of yourself as being a "good guy" who respects parents and all that jazz. Screw that. She cheated on you and dumped you. If you do anything remotely positive that includes her, you're a rube. Go slash her tires, and then see if you feel better. Better yet, go use and abuse some chubby chicks and get over it like a normal guy.OR..... go bang a coke head stripper without a jimmy, and then go drive drunk. You may feel better after that too.Get back at us with the results.Go visit her parents and say goodbye... jeeebus h christ on a Popsicle stick.
 
'pyite76 said:
Say goodbye to her family? Are you for real? Let me clue you in on something.... even if they treated you like a son, they aren't going to now. They aren't YOUR parents. They are her parents. Sounds like you are just trying to give an impression of yourself as being a "good guy" who respects parents and all that jazz. Screw that. She cheated on you and dumped you. If you do anything remotely positive that includes her, you're a rube. Go slash her tires, and then see if you feel better. Better yet, go use and abuse some chubby chicks and get over it like a normal guy.OR..... go bang a coke head stripper without a jimmy, and then go drive drunk. You may feel better after that too.Get back at us with the results.Go visit her parents and say goodbye... jeeebus h christ on a Popsicle stick.
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It's a cultural thing. You wouldn't understand.
 
Cultural thing or not, there’s a serious breach of etiquette in attempting to contact an exes mom & dad. They already know by now, and have accepted their daughter’s decision. No amount of explaining the facts is going to get any kind of compassion or empathy from them. They will meet you with cold, hard hostility. You are not blood, and blood always wins out. No point in explaining your position or attempt to rationalize what happened. It’s over. Any further discussion is just going to cause a very painful uncomfortable moment that you could have spared everyone. They will have respected you more by keeping your distance.

It’s a fact that while you keep maintaining that you are putting her behind you and moving on, you are doing anything but that. You have her on your mind most every hour of the day, and she probably doesn’t think about you for 30 seconds of the day. She’s too preoccupied in her new relationship with the fitness trainer. She’s moved on, and you pining about her is proof that you haven’t. She’s pwning you day after day after day….

 
13 User(s) are reading this topic

6 members, 6 guests, 1 anonymous users

Maude,Grahamburn,Samuel L Bronkowitz,Zow,Raiderfan32904,Keerock
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Here we go. The voice of reason in 3... 2...
 
Just finished talking to the older sister to get confirmation that she is not lying one way or another. The parents DO NOT know what is going on at all for sure. The ex avoided them the whole weekend.

The only reason the older sister knows we broke up was bc she called me when she saw on Facebook that I didn't go to Hawaii. She hasn't told the parents yet because she's not supposed to know as well. She's pretty pissed that she's been lying this whole time and thinks the ex is crazy.

I asked if I could call to say bye and thanks and she said yah and that they would probably appreciate that. She also says I should try to work things out with the ex bc she doesn't like the guy. Sorry not taking your sister back.

 
:lmao:

I'm totally over it but am just talking about it being her loss constantly, keep saying I'm done with her, in touch with her sister, calling her parents, and getting the scoop on her from mutual friends/current roommates.

Ivan is right - this thread is getting great. Is the trainer's name Steve?

 
'No. 16 said:
Just finished talking to the older sister to get confirmation that she is not lying one way or another. The parents DO NOT know what is going on at all for sure. The ex avoided them the whole weekend.The only reason the older sister knows we broke up was bc she called me when she saw on Facebook that I didn't go to Hawaii. She hasn't told the parents yet because she's not supposed to know as well. She's pretty pissed that she's been lying this whole time and thinks the ex is crazy. I asked if I could call to say bye and thanks and she said yah and that they would probably appreciate that. She also says I should try to work things out with the ex bc she doesn't like the guy. Sorry not taking your sister back.
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Yea, at this point you are still too involved with the all the aspects of her life.While I don't necessarily agree with everyone saying her parents will treat you cold or you are not going to win anyone over or whatever, I agree with the end result of not to bother contacting them.I know you are anyway, so with that said, just do it and get it over with.
 
My wife's ex did the whole shmooze the parents thing. He STILL does and we've been married going on 24 years. He really is a #####. I know it and my in-laws know it. My wife just thinks he's a "nice guy". Pffft... he's a #####.

 
'No. 16 said:
Just finished talking to the older sister to get confirmation that she is not lying one way or another. The parents DO NOT know what is going on at all for sure. The ex avoided them the whole weekend.The only reason the older sister knows we broke up was bc she called me when she saw on Facebook that I didn't go to Hawaii. She hasn't told the parents yet because she's not supposed to know as well. She's pretty pissed that she's been lying this whole time and thinks the ex is crazy. I asked if I could call to say bye and thanks and she said yah and that they would probably appreciate that. She also says I should try to work things out with the ex bc she doesn't like the guy. Sorry not taking your sister back.
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for the love of all creatures great and small. while the end of your relationship with this woman has caused you pain and suffering, it's time to start controlling the one thing you can: your actions and your life. - what she does with or thinks about her new BF do not affect your life.- what her parents think about you does not affect your life.- what her sister thinks about your or the new BF does not affect your life. - whether or not she told her parents about your split does not affect your life. every time you make a decision to speak to your ex's parents, sister, roommate/best friend, or whomever, you come off as more desperate. it's seems like your dream is to have someone come out and say, "why did you dump sweet No. 16? he was such a great guy and she made such a horrible decision to get rid of him." bad news: this ain't gonna happen. take care of your pending legal issues and housing situation. focus on work. listen to the people who've given you advice in the posts before this one. they're right on. otherwise, grab your trench coat, boom box, and Peter Gabriel CD, and go get her back.
 
'No. 16 said:
She's pretty pissed that she's been lying this whole time and thinks the ex is crazy.
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seems as though you are very concerned with everybody thinking the ex is crazy. ok, she's crazy. consider it a blessing she left and MOVE ON. you won't but I have to say it anyway.what you want is for everyone to tell the ex how crazy she was and that she should go back to you. she comes back crying, saying how she made a horrible mistake and that she'll do anything to make it up to you. ANYTHING!!! you two fall in love all over again, get married, have kids, and everyone lives happily ever after. thats what you're envisioning but that ain't how it works in real life. even if she does come back, are you seriously going to be able to forget that she did this to you? I know I wouldn't. forget her, she wasn't the person you thought she was. consider yourself lucky you found out before you got married and had kids. don't try to get back at her, don't try to show her how bad she ####ed up, just move on with your life. let her live with what she did and maybe karma will come back around on her.
 
'Dr. Awesome said:
'No. 16 said:
\

Why would it be terrible for me? That's what I don't understand.

May make things worse for her, but on my end what is so bad about it?
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It's taking you down a road you shouldn't be heading. I have no problem with revenge/sticking it to her/etc. For awhile. It may not be healthy but damn does it feel good. 6 weeks post-breakup you should be heading further away from that path (worst case holding steady). Contacting them just to "make things worse for her" isn't something that should be in your mindset. It's an unhealthy state of mind. You go down that road and it's going to feed on itself. You're going to keep making excuses to contact her/talk about her (like you're doing now). A year from now and you'll be Asianwoz still talking about the one that got away and settling for some trash while bitterly clinging to something in your past. Start letting go. At the very least stop holding tighter.
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YEAH, DON'T BE THAT GUY!!!Er, wait...

Look, I completely understand your desire to contact the parents. I'm sure they were very nice to you and you felt almost like a second son. Also, they aren't the ones who screwed you over and saying at least a "bye" seems fitting.

But I'd agree with the majority here that odds are it'll cause more good than bad. I did that in the situation DrA cited with "the one that got away" with the hope that it would make the ex see something positive. Despite that some of the major issues leading to the breakupinvolved her parents and siblings, I wrote them a multi-page e-mail thanking them and assuring them I meant the best for their daughter. They did respond back with a few nice words and then proceeded to "thank" me for financially reimbursing their daughter for some of the rent and stuff we co-owned that I didn't even need to pay her for but was only doing so because it allowed me to stay in contact with her. Clearly, despite at one-time being open to me being their son-in-law their sole concern was their daughter's financial benefit and all the nice things I said didn't mean anything. And in retrospect, I don't blame them at all because they were smart enough to see I was going to be permanently gone and if they could help their daughter benefit, then that's the parental thing to do. I got no closure from it and, if anything, it was just more pathetic.

That said, I disagree with those that say it's always a bad idea. However, I think it is only a good idea when two circumstances are met: 1) where the breakup wasn't messy (i.e. you aren't at fault, even in the eyes of the ex); and 2) where the communication is short and does not mention the daughter. Using DrA's second cite to my past as an example, my breakup with the RacistEx was pretty mellow (after all, I continued sleeping with her periodically over the next six months). While I didn't know all the details at the time, RacistEx had basically jumped from dating me to dating another dude. I had other options and knew all along we weren't long-term so I wasn't in the emotional state you are where I felt I may have lost a potential wife. Also, her parents had been extremely generous and kind to me (Obama effigy and all) and I knew that RacistEx wouldn't bad-mouth me and her parents knew I wouldn't have been messing around on her or anything. So, when I saw on facebook it was her parent's anniversary a month or so after our breakup, I shot them a quick facebook message wishing them a happy anniversary and thanking them for being so generous to me (they had easily spent a couple thousand on me probably over time). I did this in large part because they were great and I meant it, but also because it was a small town and knew I may run into them or their friends again. Nonetheless, I made certain it was short and made no mention of RacistEx. They replied with a brief but nice thank you and said some kind things. RacistEx also mentioned to me that doing so was very nice (granted, this may have been post-coital). When I randomly ran into her parents at a football game many months later, everything was cool and I even had a beer with them.

In your particular case I think you probably aren't at fault in their eyes, but it is so recent and so emotionally huge I don't see it helping you. You've stated your main desire is to do it in a way to spite your ex, and you need to understand that their daughter>>>>>>>>you so they aren't capable of seeing truth and reality as they are. No parent is going to believe, even if shown it all on video, that their daughter is a potential cheater and dumped you for a fling so you are only going to make things worse but alluding to it. And I don't think you are capable of not at least referencing her.

Wait several months until the sting is gone and you have both moved on. I assure you her parents aren't expecting anything from you so if you feel, at that time, you want to thank them or whatever shoot them a quick call or an e-mail doing that and only that.

 
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'No. 16 said:
Just finished talking to the older sister to get confirmation that she is not lying one way or another. The parents DO NOT know what is going on at all for sure. The ex avoided them the whole weekend.
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Even more reason for you to avoid them too.
 
all No. 16 is trying to do by talking to his ex's sister, and trying to contact the parents, is to further prove that he is RIGHT in the whole relationship. who gives a crap who's right. she cheated and broke up with you, get over it and move on.

you want to talk to the parents to try and tell them what really happened so she looks bad, like a liar and a sneak.

you want to talk to the sister because you want confirmation that you are in the right, and someone else sees what a loser she is.

WHO CARES?

bang some fatties and have some fun, but get your life in order kid. you're about to become a statistic.

 
BTW, No.16, if you need to still "get things out of [your] system" I'll be hitting Vegas hard this weekend. I'm happy to get you drunk and help you land a solid 6. :thumbup:

 
I hope he calls the parents, gets voicemail and proceeds to leave 10+ ever-increasingly pathetic and desperate pleas for them to get their daughter to take him back.

Straight out of Swingers.

 
'Zow said:
BTW, No.16, if you need to still "get things out of [your] system" I'll be hitting Vegas hard this weekend. I'm happy to get you drunk and help you land a solid 6. :thumbup:
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Woz will even stay in the room and watch and ask stupid questions.
 
This thread has so much awesome in it!

No. 16: Go kill yourself crossfitting for the next month and don't be a d-bag and call the parents. Turn that page in your life and don't look back.

 
'Hipple said:
'Zow said:
'hooter311 said:
'Hipple said:
That is because famous people have money and have been advised by attorneys how best to protect your rights when you are pulled over in such a situation.

They NEED evidence to convict you. Now if you have pissed yourself and have a fifth of jack between your legs then refusing ain;t gonna save you. But if you are pulled over for a minor traffic violation and don't give them the evidence (BAC or FST's) then all they have to prove beyond all reasonable doubt that you were DUi is your driving, and ability to silently exit the car and walk to the police cruiser (assuming you stay quiet through the trip and don't vomit in the backseat). Usually that is not enough to prove beyond all reasonable doubt that you were DUI as there are many reasons someone would speed/swerve/fail to signal /whatever the reason you were pulled over was other than being drunk.
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If you were to go this route, do you tell the officer that you are using your right to remain silent or are you supposed to just remain mute and compliant? Is a random LEO going to know to give you directions to follow is do you risk having questions screamed at you the entire time?
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1. Calmly tell the officer first that you don't want to answer any questions without first speaking to an attorney. The officer should then afford you the opportunity to consult with an attorney. If you cannot reach an attorney, any questions regarding whether you are DUI (i.e. have you been drinking, i'd like you to do some field sobriety tests, etc.) should be answered with, "with all respect officer I don't wish to answer that question/don't wish you perform the field sobriety tests/etc." 2.In Arizona, the officer can still ask you questions regarding your identification, but any decent officer should know to respect your fifth amendment requests. However, sometimes an officer will put his questions in the form of an order (like, "i want you to perform some tests for me"). In this instance, ask the officer if he is ordering you to do the tests. If he says yes, ask him if you are free to leave. Never disobey an officer's command, but it is okay to respectfully ask him to clarify.
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asking to leave is very important. At that point they have to write your tickets and let you go. If they don't let you go, and continue to ask questions/compile evidence it is quite likely that you can get the stop suppressed under miranda stuff. Since once you ask to leave and they say no, you are under arrest (even if you don't have the cuffs on etc) and any evidence compiled after that point is 'fruit of the poisonous tree".
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Thanks fellas. I appreciate the insight. I definitely need to get one of those pre-printed statements.
 
'gianmarco said:
[No. 16]"So I just got off the phone with her parents. Man, that did not go well. I don't understand why, but it seems her parents were not too happy with what happened between me and my ex and they seem to think this is all my fault. Her mother first answered the phone and then passed it to her dad who proceeded to get really angry and yell at me. I wasn't expecting this at all. I mean, we were together for 7 years and they treated me like a son-in-law and now I'm the bad guy? After she cheated on me? I bet she didn't even tell them that she was sleeping with another guy. I can't believe it. How on earth can they side with that #####?This is not what I was hoping for and now I need to see how to make this better. The next step is definitely to call my ex and find out why she lied to her parents about me. Once I do this, I think I can definitely move on. Once again, you guys were right, but I definitely need to make this call to the ex and find out exactly what happened. I know, I know, I shouldn't make the call and I'm sure you guys will all tell me that I'm crazy for doing it, but you just don't understand. It's something I have to do. Don't try and stop me. I'll update with the next trainwreck soon."[/No. 16]
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You just don't get, it's the asain culture.
 
'No. 16 said:
Just finished talking to the older sister to get confirmation that she is not lying one way or another. The parents DO NOT know what is going on at all for sure. The ex avoided them the whole weekend.The only reason the older sister knows we broke up was bc she called me when she saw on Facebook that I didn't go to Hawaii. She hasn't told the parents yet because she's not supposed to know as well. She's pretty pissed that she's been lying this whole time and thinks the ex is crazy. I asked if I could call to say bye and thanks and she said yah and that they would probably appreciate that. She also says I should try to work things out with the ex bc she doesn't like the guy. Sorry not taking your sister back.
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Why the #### are you asking if it's ok to do anything?. If you want to be a moron and call the parents, do it. You don't need her ####### permission. If you need incentive to remember that you don't need permission, just think of her slobbing the personal trainers knob, and then kissing you with that mouth.
 
Screw this - Im now on team "Get Eva Longoria look-a-like back."

Go for it No. 16. If you don't at least try everything in your power to make it work again with her, you will always regret it. Whats the worst that can happen? You may end up looking foolish, but at least you will know that you tried and won't have any regrets.

 
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I put the over/under on No. 16 getting back with the ex at four weeks.

Oh yeah. Don't call the parents. It will totally screw up my over/under.

 
Talking to the sister? Calling the parents?

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. You're manufacturing ways to keep this connection and it's plain as day. Informing her parents before she does is d-baggery at its worst. Just admit you are calling because you can't wait for them to ask "why?" so that you can spill the sordid beans.

 
After reading what all you d-bags have to say, I have decided not to call her parents. Already told her sister thank you, etc in the last inquiry so at least someone in the family knows I appreciated everything. I never wanted to be the one to break the news to her parents so I'll leave it at that. It's not the exact way I wanted to say bye, but #### it. Time to move on.

 
'Maude said:
'Keerock said:
'derek245583 said:
'DA RAIDERS said:
'derek245583 said:
Did we ever get clarification that she was actually "Cheating?"I know its highly likely, but I think 16 should check....
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:lmao: :lmao:
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This is the LAST thing...then he moves on.Just needs closure
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Well, that and finding out how big Personal Trainer's #### is... then he's over her.
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Dude... he's "saving" himself, remember?
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so, anal only?
 
'DA RAIDERS said:
'Maude said:
'Keerock said:
'derek245583 said:
'DA RAIDERS said:
'derek245583 said:
Did we ever get clarification that she was actually "Cheating?"I know its highly likely, but I think 16 should check....
Click to expand...
:lmao: :lmao:
Click to expand...
This is the LAST thing...then he moves on.Just needs closure
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Well, that and finding out how big Personal Trainer's #### is... then he's over her.
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Dude... he's "saving" himself, remember?
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so, anal only?
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And deep throating...ETA: A2M?
 
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'derek245583 said:
Did we ever get clarification that she was actually "Cheating?"I know its highly likely, but I think 16 should check....
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From what she told me and her cousin told me:- Met him Mid December in Vegas. Her cousin said it is crazy how she was still talking about getting married, buying a house, etc on this trip but would mention personal trainer once in a while.- Dude contacted her on Facebook (I contacted her on MySpace when I stole her from her ex-BF). - Flew back 2 weeks later to "visit her Aunt going away to Australia" - Actually, went with PT and same cousin and her BF on double dates. Her cousin didn't want to go on the dates, but went there to watch her on our behalf so she didn't do anything she would regret. Said no kissing/nothing went on.- Came back and broke up with me First week of January and you guys know the rest.....So no she didn't "physically cheat" on me and I believe her, but to flip the switch after meeting a guy 2x is what hurts more. Just shatters everything you think you know about that person, yourself, and what "love" is. If she made out with the guy, but wanted to get back together. I could possibly do that. No attempt to "work things out" is what was killer. Before I blamed myself, but now I realize if she tossed everything away after 7 years for some guy, I could never depend on her as a wife. If it was true love, she would have given us a chance to work things out. She seemed like the perfect wife, but without that loyalty and trust everything else doesn't mean a thing. I'm truly done with her because I know I'll never trust her ever again.
 
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'No. 16 said:
'derek245583 said:
Did we ever get clarification that she was actually "Cheating?"I know its highly likely, but I think 16 should check....
Click to expand...
From what she told me and her cousin told me:- Met him Mid December in Vegas. Her cousin said it is crazy how she was still talking about getting married, buying a house, etc on this trip but would mention personal trainer once in a while. - Flew back 2 weeks later to "visit her Aunt going away to Australia" - Actually, went with PT and same cousin and her BF on double dates. Her cousin didn't want to go on the dates, but went there to watch her on our behalf so she didn't do anything she would regret. Said no kissing/nothing went on.- Came back and broke up with me First week of January and you guys know the rest.....So no she didn't "physically cheat" on me and I believe her, but to flip the switch after meeting a guy 2x is what hurts more. Just shatters everything you think you know about that person, yourself, and what "love" is. If she made out with the guy, but wanted to get back together. I could possibly do that. No attempt to "work things out" is what was killer. Before I blamed myself, but now I realize if she tossed everything away after 7 years for some guy, I could never depend on her as a wife. If it was true love, she would have given us a chance to work things out. She seemed like the perfect wife, but without that loyalty and trust everything else doesn't mean a thing. I'm truly done with her because I know I'll never trust her ever again.
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This makes no ####### sense. You and your ex both sound like a couple of idiots. I'd dump both of you.
 
'No. 16 said:
'derek245583 said:
Did we ever get clarification that she was actually "Cheating?"I know its highly likely, but I think 16 should check....
Click to expand...
From what she told me and her cousin told me:- Met him Mid December in Vegas. Her cousin said it is crazy how she was still talking about getting married, buying a house, etc on this trip but would mention personal trainer once in a while.- Dude contacted her on Facebook (I contacted her on MySpace when I stole her from her ex-BF). - Flew back 2 weeks later to "visit her Aunt going away to Australia" - Actually, went with PT and same cousin and her BF on double dates. Her cousin didn't want to go on the dates, but went there to watch her on our behalf so she didn't do anything she would regret. Said no kissing/nothing went on.- Came back and broke up with me First week of January and you guys know the rest.....So no she didn't "physically cheat" on me and I believe her, but to flip the switch after meeting a guy 2x is what hurts more. Just shatters everything you think you know about that person, yourself, and what "love" is. If she made out with the guy, but wanted to get back together. I could possibly do that. No attempt to "work things out" is what was killer. Before I blamed myself, but now I realize if she tossed everything away after 7 years for some guy, I could never depend on her as a wife. If it was true love, she would have given us a chance to work things out. She seemed like the perfect wife, but without that loyalty and trust everything else doesn't mean a thing. I'm truly done with her because I know I'll never trust her ever again.
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:whoosh: :doh: just stop. they boned bro.
 
'No. 16 said:
'derek245583 said:
Did we ever get clarification that she was actually "Cheating?"

I know its highly likely, but I think 16 should check....
Click to expand...
From what she told me and her cousin told me:- Met him Mid December in Vegas. Her cousin said it is crazy how she was still talking about getting married, buying a house, etc on this trip but would mention personal trainer once in a while.

- Flew back 2 weeks later to "visit her Aunt going away to Australia" - Actually, went with PT and same cousin and her BF on double dates. Her cousin didn't want to go on the dates, but went there to watch her on our behalf so she didn't do anything she would regret. Said no kissing/nothing went on.

- Came back and broke up with me First week of January and you guys know the rest.....

So no she didn't "physically cheat" on me and I believe her, but to flip the switch after meeting a guy 2x is what hurts more. Just shatters everything you think you know about that person, yourself, and what "love" is. If she made out with the guy, but wanted to get back together. I could possibly do that. No attempt to "work things out" is what was killer.

Before I blamed myself, but now I realize if she tossed everything away after 7 years for some guy, I could never depend on her as a wife. If it was true love, she would have given us a chance to work things out. She seemed like the perfect wife, but without that loyalty and trust everything else doesn't mean a thing. I'm truly done with her because I know I'll never trust her ever again.
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No you're not, you're just telling yourself you are..and that is OK, it is normal, but understand you are still getting over her.

You are not done with her because you can not trust her, you are done with her because she didn't even want to try to give you a chance to forgive her.

That is why most people are saying you would take her back today if she came back to you, also the reason people are advocating you get her far from your life as soon as possible because you are not yet over her.

 
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