"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yo (1 Viewer)

[EYLive]

Everyone makes mistakes.

Clearly, you still love your ex, otherwise this thread would be about boning fat girls and rebound chicks.

Just like your suspended license is temporary, the PT is not a long term thing with her. Your current actions are merely reactive to get back at the girl that hurt you. And she is counter-punching with her own dumb decisions.

Sit down and have an adult conversation with her and put everything in the past, because drug dealers and DUIs aren't the answer.

End this foolish trend of self-destruction for both your sakes. Sure, she's crazy, they're all crazy. But you two are better together than apart, and you've gained some valuable wisdom since the breakup. You can't just wait for her to come to her senses and run back to you. You have to grab her and shake her like a baby to make her realize the large penis of a muscular man does not equal happiness.

So stop playing games and reach out to her for a sincere conversation. One day you'll be happy that you didn't give up. And that's when you know you're a real man.

 

[No. 16]

Between this thread and nysportsfan, it's a :trainwreck:

For one, you are not the reason behind her success. She's the one that did the work, not you. My ex pulled this same card - insinuating that she's the reason behind my success. It made me hate her even more. Sure, she supported me throughout but I still would have been successful without her.

I think I've done alright so far. I resent that.

Nysportsfan's thread isn't close to the same level as this one.

To be fair, it's a lot different to be the dumper than the dumpee.

Is it that different? I see a lot of similarities here ... both are very distraught and upset with the breakup. One main advantage of nysportsfan is that he is in control where as 16 is a fish out of water.

I wonder why that appears to be the case?Women.

Why are you pushing blame to women? You have had several opportunities to gain control of this situation. But instead, your focus is on writing an apology letter for something that happened 5 years ago.

Not blaming women, but apparently logic is over some women's heads. - CSTU points out there's a difference between being the dumper and the dumpee.

- You say. There's no difference. Well... except for one: nysportsfan (the dumper) is in control and 16 (the dumpee) is a fish out of water.

- Think those two go hand in hand? I do. If you dumped someone YOU CONTROLLED when the relationship ended, emotionally you are more prepared. If you were dumped by someone you had no control when the relationship ended and are not prepared what so ever. Sure both are miserable and distraught, but there's a huge difference there in the degree and impact.

Seems like a HUGE difference to me and shows up in the vast difference between the two threads.

 

[No. 16]

Between this thread and nysportsfan, it's a :trainwreck:

For one, you are not the reason behind her success. She's the one that did the work, not you. My ex pulled this same card - insinuating that she's the reason behind my success. It made me hate her even more. Sure, she supported me throughout but I still would have been successful without her.

I think I've done alright so far. I resent that.

Nysportsfan's thread isn't close to the same level as this one.

To be fair, it's a lot different to be the dumper than the dumpee.

Is it that different? I see a lot of similarities here ... both are very distraught and upset with the breakup. One main advantage of nysportsfan is that he is in control where as 16 is a fish out of water.

I wonder why that appears to be the case?Women.

Why are you pushing blame to women? You have had several opportunities to gain control of this situation. But instead, your focus is on writing an apology letter for something that happened 5 years ago.

Not blaming women, but apparently logic is over some women's heads. - CSTU points out there's a difference between being the dumper and the dumpee.

- You say. There's no difference. Well... except for one: nysportsfan (the dumper) is in control and 16 (the dumpee) is a fish out of water.

- Think those two go hand in hand? I do. If you dumped someone YOU CONTROLLED when the relationship ended, emotionally you are more prepared. If you were dumped by someone you had no control when the relationship ended and are not prepared what so ever. Sure both are miserable and distraught, but there's a huge difference there in the degree and impact.

Seems like a HUGE difference to me and shows up in the vast difference between the two threads.

She controlled the decision to end the relationship ... however, you are in control of your actions afterward. You could easily gain control of the situation but you have failed miserably.

Messed up with the DUI, but everything else I don't regret. I'm in the process of getting over my feelings for her, but I know I can never trust her again and I can never look at her the same way.

 

[Slapdash]

Between this thread and nysportsfan, it's a :trainwreck:

For one, you are not the reason behind her success. She's the one that did the work, not you. My ex pulled this same card - insinuating that she's the reason behind my success. It made me hate her even more. Sure, she supported me throughout but I still would have been successful without her.

Was never claiming to be the reason for her success. Just thought everything my family and I did for her would mean something. That it should show the type of love and support she would have.Isn't a husband supposed to tell you to chase your dreams? Push you not to give? Be there with you every step of the way?

How about your in laws? They allowed her to stay in their home for a year. Not asking for rent. My family took her in and treated her as part of the family already. Helped her get her job. That sounds like a great set of in laws to me.

I never meant to take credit for her success. She's book smart, hard working, and carries herself great. I just felt all those things SHOULD have carried some weight with her. Not because she succeeded because of us, but that she was getting a fantastic support and love that would have been there for life.

You are very confused 16. I am sure it did "mean something"...it probably meant a lot and she appreciated it. But that doesn't mean she should stay with you. Her feelings changed. I don't care what a girl or her family has done for me..if my feelings change I am not going to stay with them and be miserable because I slept at her parents house for a little while when it looked like we might be together forever. #### changes

Thing is she never appeared miserable. According to her cousin she was even detailing our wedding plans while she was in Vegas when she met the personal trainer. It just seemed like this guy flipped some type of switch.I understand that now everything we did doesn't mean squat and she made her decision but when it comes down to:

- Guy you've been with for 7 years, has loved you, great career, great family that loves you

vs.

- Hot Personal Trainer you met in Vegas, non-college graduate, and later you find out he has other girlfriends

She made her choice not to love me. I'm coming to terms with that now but I just bring it up because this all seems out of character to the GF I knew who wanted to be with me 24/7, who talked about our future together, and didn't want to become like her sisters (1 married to a guy who can't keep a job due to gambling issues and the other who has 3 kids from 3 different fathers, divorced 1x, and broke off an engagement b/c she was with another guy) and her parents (who have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past 15 years). Doesn't seem logical, but then again lust/attraction causes one to do crazy things. Like I said this caught EVERYONE by surprise. None of her friends ever heard her utter a word of discontent until she did this.

So it is what it is now. The crazy was there early on the relationship, went away when I relented and she moved up her for school, and now is back full force. Seems like she's destined to go down the path of her family in regards to relationships but for her sake, I hope not.

Sounds like meeting the guy made her realize she wasn't nearly as ready to settle down as you obviously are. It happens at these ages.

Agreed. Her loss.ETA: She was always the one pushing marriage early on. She would always say, "Don't waste my time if you don't plan on marrying me." It was only about 2 years ago when I knew I wanted to marry her and we openly began to discuss the future.

Yeah, I went through something similar on an accelerated schedule once. It really blows when they draw you in like that just to blow it all up by changing their mind. I got a lot of similar advice to get out there into the dating scene to forget about the situation, but that didn’t really make it feel better. I found what worked best for me was to focus on the things I really enjoyed doing with people that I enjoyed. I am a bit of an introvert, so this worked out well to get my mind in the right place. I felt that trying to go the other way was more about revenge and was destructive in an of itself. YMMV

 

[nysportsfan]

Between this thread and nysportsfan, it's a :trainwreck:

For one, you are not the reason behind her success. She's the one that did the work, not you. My ex pulled this same card - insinuating that she's the reason behind my success. It made me hate her even more. Sure, she supported me throughout but I still would have been successful without her.

I think I've done alright so far. I resent that.

Nysportsfan's thread isn't close to the same level as this one.

To be fair, it's a lot different to be the dumper than the dumpee.

Is it that different? I see a lot of similarities here ... both are very distraught and upset with the breakup. One main advantage of nysportsfan is that he is in control where as 16 is a fish out of water.

I wonder why that appears to be the case?Women.

Why are you pushing blame to women? You have had several opportunities to gain control of this situation. But instead, your focus is on writing an apology letter for something that happened 5 years ago.

Not blaming women, but apparently logic is over some women's heads. - CSTU points out there's a difference between being the dumper and the dumpee.

- You say. There's no difference. Well... except for one: nysportsfan (the dumper) is in control and 16 (the dumpee) is a fish out of water.

- Think those two go hand in hand? I do. If you dumped someone YOU CONTROLLED when the relationship ended, emotionally you are more prepared. If you were dumped by someone you had no control when the relationship ended and are not prepared what so ever. Sure both are miserable and distraught, but there's a huge difference there in the degree and impact.

Seems like a HUGE difference to me and shows up in the vast difference between the two threads.

She controlled the decision to end the relationship ... however, you are in control of your actions afterward. You could easily gain control of the situation but you have failed miserably.

Messed up with the DUI, but everything else I don't regret. I'm in the process of getting over my feelings for her, but I know I can never trust her again and I can never look at her the same way.

I was dumped before (admittedly it was not like my current ex-relationship) and the guilt that comes with it is worse than that. I feel like in some respects, it is easier to be dumped.

 

[No. 16]

I was dumped before (admittedly it was not like my current ex-relationship) and the guilt that comes with it is worse than that. I feel like in some respects, it is easier to be dumped.

Also, I was not just dumped cause she was unhappy. She cheated on me. Big difference as well.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

I was dumped before (admittedly it was not like my current ex-relationship) and the guilt that comes with it is worse than that. I feel like in some respects, it is easier to be dumped.

Also, I was not just dumped cause she was unhappy. She cheated on me. Big difference as well.

You don't get it. You might eventually. She was ####### other guys because she was unhappy. SLUMPBUSTER

 

[No. 16]

I was dumped before (admittedly it was not like my current ex-relationship) and the guilt that comes with it is worse than that. I feel like in some respects, it is easier to be dumped.

Also, I was not just dumped cause she was unhappy. She cheated on me. Big difference as well.

You don't get it. You might eventually. She was ####### other guys because she was unhappy. SLUMPBUSTER

Same difference. In the end we're not together. Don't really care about the reasons anymore. It happened. I have to deal with it.

 

[kentric]

Everyone makes mistakes.Clearly, you still love your ex, otherwise this thread would be about boning fat girls and rebound chicks.Just like your suspended license is temporary, the PT is not a long term thing with her. Your current actions are merely reactive to get back at the girl that hurt you. And she is counter-punching with her own dumb decisions. Sit down and have an adult conversation with her and put everything in the past, because drug dealers and DUIs aren't the answer.End this foolish trend of self-destruction for both your sakes. Sure, she's crazy, they're all crazy. But you two are better together than apart, and you've gained some valuable wisdom since the breakup. You can't just wait for her to come to her senses and run back to you. You have to grab her and shake her like a baby to make her realize the large penis of a muscular man does not equal happiness.So stop playing games and reach out to her for a sincere conversation. One day you'll be happy that you didn't give up. And that's when you know you're a real man.

I sure hope this is an attempt at humor. There is no way in the world you should meet up with your ex. Talk about your major

 

[5Rings]

If you don't have the heart to blast away at her with a cattle prod, try this.The second she gets home, start following her around the apartment doing your loudest, most obnoxious Arnold Schwarzenegger impression.."COME ON !! GET OUT !! DO IT, DO IT NOW !!! GET OUT OF HERE !!" and just keep that up incessantly. No matter what she does, do not stop. If she goes into the bathroom, stand outside the door and bellow. "WHAT ARE YOU DOOO-EENG? TAKING A DOMP ?!?!? COME ON, PINCH IT OFF AND GET OUT !!! GET OFF THE CRAPPER !!!"You have to just be prepared to be relentless with it. She'll never be able to take it more than an hour or so before she loses her #### and leaves.

GD, I love you EG this thread is $$$

 

[Johnny Rock]

What was that other thread where someone's wife cheated on him and then claimed to be raped by the same guy on a subsequent visit? 16's thread has really taken a turn here. Get your GB on FBG.

Also, the new evidence of crazy warrants pics of her finally. PM is fine.

 

[No. 16]

Talked to my buddy today regarding his talk last night.

- His GF is pretty sure nothing happened. Supposedly, she asked my ex to call personal trainer and ask his friend, who said "nothing happened." Yah, definitely should trust the lying ex and her doosh BF.

- We still don't fully believe her story, but he's giving her another go. Told her she shouldn't travel with her anymore, particularly to SoCal. Kind of hard to get them to stop hanging out since they're roommates. He's warned her that my ex is trouble and trying to drag her into her crap.

He said things were good between them for now, but I just re-enforced to him that my ex is bad news, that something probably did happen, he needs to watch his GF, and be prepared for the #### to hit the fan.

So yah.. we'll see how that plays out. Hope, this is the last update I have on the ex in forever. Need to focus on me.

 

[Rick James]

your bud is a trip

 

[IvanKaramazov]

Talked to my buddy today regarding his talk last night.

- His GF is pretty sure nothing happened. Supposedly, she asked my ex to call personal trainer and ask his friend, who said "nothing happened." Yah, definitely should trust the lying ex and her doosh BF.

- We still don't fully believe her story, but he's giving her another go.

Oh come on.

 

[Zow]

Well, now you get to guide your buddy through this mess like the FFA has done for you. You got the playbook, stick to it.

I dunno...Sounds like his buddy's gf:1. Fessed up to the event2. Kicked the guy out of the room

Thats why she gets an ultimatium instead of an automatic boot. She stops hanging out with 16s ex or she's gone.

Pretty sure she made the ex the scapegoat here. Highly doubt the ex strongly pressured her here. BTW, 16, it's at this point that pictures are warranted.

 

[Dr. Awesome]

Talked to my buddy today regarding his talk last night.

- His GF is pretty sure nothing happened. Supposedly, she asked my ex to call personal trainer and ask his friend, who said "nothing happened." Yah, definitely should trust the lying ex and her doosh BF.

- We still don't fully believe her story, but he's giving her another go. Told her she shouldn't travel with her anymore, particularly to SoCal. Kind of hard to get them to stop hanging out since they're roommates. He's warned her that my ex is trouble and trying to drag her into her crap.

He said things were good between them for now, but I just re-enforced to him that my ex is bad news, that something probably did happen, he needs to watch his GF, and be prepared for the #### to hit the fan.

So yah.. we'll see how that plays out. Hope, this is the last update I have on the ex in forever. Need to focus on me.

Remember the beginning of this thread? When we were giving advice you didn't want to hear? Advice you refused to believe? Advice you totally ignored? Remember how it turned out we were 100%? Now it's your turn to be the ffa to your buddy. Support him when he ignores your advice but you need to call him out on this one. You can surely relate to his situation (being in love and denial to the truth). Help your gb out. Take him drinking (no driving!) and tell him to dump his whore.

 

[Johnny Rock]

Talked to my buddy today regarding his talk last night.

- His GF is pretty sure nothing happened. Supposedly, she asked my ex to call personal trainer and ask his friend, who said "nothing happened." Yah, definitely should trust the lying ex and her doosh BF.

- We still don't fully believe her story, but he's giving her another go. Told her she shouldn't travel with her anymore, particularly to SoCal. Kind of hard to get them to stop hanging out since they're roommates. He's warned her that my ex is trouble and trying to drag her into her crap.

He said things were good between them for now, but I just re-enforced to him that my ex is bad news, that something probably did happen, he needs to watch his GF, and be prepared for the #### to hit the fan.

So yah.. we'll see how that plays out. Hope, this is the last update I have on the ex in forever. Need to focus on me.

Remember the beginning of this thread? When we were giving advice you didn't want to hear? Advice you refused to believe? Advice you totally ignored? Remember how it turned out we were 100%? Now it's your turn to be the ffa to your buddy. Support him when he ignores your advice but you need to call him out on this one. You can surely relate to his situation (being in love and denial to the truth). Help your gb out. Take him drinking (no driving!) and tell him to dump his whore.

 

[thayman]

Between this thread and nysportsfan, it's a :trainwreck:

For one, you are not the reason behind her success. She's the one that did the work, not you. My ex pulled this same card - insinuating that she's the reason behind my success. It made me hate her even more. Sure, she supported me throughout but I still would have been successful without her.

I think I've done alright so far. I resent that.

Nysportsfan's thread isn't close to the same level as this one.

To be fair, it's a lot different to be the dumper than the dumpee.

Is it that different? I see a lot of similarities here ... both are very distraught and upset with the breakup. One main advantage of nysportsfan is that he is in control where as 16 is a fish out of water.

I wonder why that appears to be the case?Women.

Why are you pushing blame to women? You have had several opportunities to gain control of this situation. But instead, your focus is on writing an apology letter for something that happened 5 years ago.

Not blaming women, but apparently logic is over some women's heads. - CSTU points out there's a difference between being the dumper and the dumpee.

- You say. There's no difference. Well... except for one: nysportsfan (the dumper) is in control and 16 (the dumpee) is a fish out of water.

- Think those two go hand in hand? I do. If you dumped someone YOU CONTROLLED when the relationship ended, emotionally you are more prepared. If you were dumped by someone you had no control when the relationship ended and are not prepared what so ever. Sure both are miserable and distraught, but there's a huge difference there in the degree and impact.

Seems like a HUGE difference to me and shows up in the vast difference between the two threads.

She controlled the decision to end the relationship ... however, you are in control of your actions afterward. You could easily gain control of the situation but you have failed miserably.

Messed up with the DUI, but everything else I don't regret. I'm in the process of getting over my feelings for her, but I know I can never trust her again and I can never look at her the same way.

You are doing a fantastic job of proving Beavers point for her.

 

[No. 16]

You are doing a fantastic job of proving Beavers point for her.

Aside from the DUI what's there to regret? Well we'll see 9 months from now if raw dogging HI chick will be something I regret but otherwise don't see much else.I asked what the FFA thought about contacting her parents. You guys said nope. Did not do it. Asked about leaving a note with her stuff. Ditto. Did not do it. Other than that the rest of the thread is me failing miserably at picking up chicks or working through my feelings. I still have feelings for the whore, but tough to just wipe away 7 years no matter how easy it is for her.Also part of it is that the FFA usually only sees the high and the lows in the thread, since I don't post the day to day stuff. Wouldn't make for much entertainment but how I handle that is much more important and I have been handling that well. I go to work, go to AA meetings, go to crossfit, hang out with my brother/friends/family afterwards, learning to play the guitar and speak Spanish, and only drink on the weekends now (no hard liquor). So while it may seem like I'm a totally lost puppy in this thread... I actually have been doing decently living my life. I'm doing things to improve myself and balanced it with having fun. She still pops up from time to time in my thoughts, but otherwise I'm getting used to being single.

 

[thayman]

You are doing a fantastic job of proving Beavers point for her.

Aside from the DUI what's there to regret? Well we'll see 9 months from now if raw dogging HI chick will be something I regret but otherwise don't see much else.I asked what the FFA thought about contacting her parents. You guys said nope. Did not do it. Asked about leaving a note with her stuff. Ditto. Did not do it. Other than that the rest of the thread is me failing miserably at picking up chicks or working through my feelings. I still have feelings for the whore, but tough to just wipe away 7 years no matter how easy it is for her.

Also part of it is that the FFA usually only sees the high and the lows in the thread, since I don't post the day to day stuff. Wouldn't make for much entertainment but how I handle that is much more important and I have been handling that well. I go to work, go to AA meetings, go to crossfit, hang out with my brother/friends/family afterwards, learning to play the guitar and speak Spanish, and only drink on the weekends now (no hard liquor).

So while it may seem like I'm a totally lost puppy in this thread... I actually have been doing decently living my life. I'm doing things to improve myself and balanced it with having fun. She still pops up from time to time in my thoughts, but otherwise I'm getting used to being single.

Neither her nor I said anything about you regreting anything. As Beaver Said: She controlled the decision to end the relationship ... however, you are in control of your actions afterward. You could easily gain control of the situation but you have failed miserably.

 

[No. 16]

You are doing a fantastic job of proving Beavers point for her.

Aside from the DUI what's there to regret? Well we'll see 9 months from now if raw dogging HI chick will be something I regret but otherwise don't see much else.I asked what the FFA thought about contacting her parents. You guys said nope. Did not do it. Asked about leaving a note with her stuff. Ditto. Did not do it. Other than that the rest of the thread is me failing miserably at picking up chicks or working through my feelings. I still have feelings for the whore, but tough to just wipe away 7 years no matter how easy it is for her.

Also part of it is that the FFA usually only sees the high and the lows in the thread, since I don't post the day to day stuff. Wouldn't make for much entertainment but how I handle that is much more important and I have been handling that well. I go to work, go to AA meetings, go to crossfit, hang out with my brother/friends/family afterwards, learning to play the guitar and speak Spanish, and only drink on the weekends now (no hard liquor).

So while it may seem like I'm a totally lost puppy in this thread... I actually have been doing decently living my life. I'm doing things to improve myself and balanced it with having fun. She still pops up from time to time in my thoughts, but otherwise I'm getting used to being single.

Neither her nor I said anything about you regreting anything. As Beaver Said: She controlled the decision to end the relationship ... however, you are in control of your actions afterward. You could easily gain control of the situation but you have failed miserably.

I'll be the first to admit I did lose control and sadly it took the DUI to snap me back into place. However, to assert there is NO DIFFERENCE in being the dumper vs the dumpee and that BOTH should react to the break up the SAME WAY is just something I cannot comprehend. The control exerted by the dumper in ending the relationship will naturally show as a much more tamed response to the situation compared to the dumpee. Now, not all dumpee's lose control but I think it's safe to say that more times than not the dumpee will have a harder time with the situation compared to the dumper.

As the dumpee I personally could not have "easily" gain controlled of the situation. My entire world, the dreams, plans for the future, thoughts about love, relationships, and myself were just shattered. In HS I broke up with the only GF I had (sophomore year) and the last time someone broke up with me was my 1st girlfriend back in 6th grade. When your first "love" breaks your heart RIGHT before you guys are about to start the next phase or your relationship in such a quick, ruthless, and cold manner there was nothing in my life that could prepare me to handle that situation with "control". That's the sad and honest truth.

So yes, I failed miserably but that's because I was DUMPED. If I had dumped her, I'm very sure my actions would be very different. That's a fact.

 

[Dr. Awesome]

You seem to be handling this all reasonably well. Some mistakes here and there but nothing too outrageous (or at least you've quickly caught on and changed). Some day you'll laugh when you see some young kid making the same mistakes you made. Keep up the good work.

I might have missed it, but why are you going to AA? Is it for legal reasons or...? Going to AA meetings and drinking on the weekends doesn't fit.

And how many chicks do you have in your queue? It's too few - get more dates.*

*Unless you're in AA for non-legal reasons. Then that's your sole concern.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

I go to work, go to AA meetings,

Did you mention this before and I just missed it, or is this new?

and only drink on the weekends now (no hard liquor).

I've never done AA, but I'm pretty sure Step 4 is "Set rules governing what, when, and how much you're allowed to drink -- those are totally " Good job on your progress.

 

[No. 16]

Yah going to AA meetings to help support my case for the Board of Registered nursing and it can only help when when sentencing comes from the judge according to the lawyers I spoke too.

AA meetings have actually been really helpful. It's been another forum to share, get my feelings out there and also learn a lot from these people on how to deal with life. Not everyone of them is successful and stays sober but I admire the determination and listening to their strategies on how to get through life.

Actually yesterday's meeting about prayer really got to me. I'm not a very religious guy anymore, only go to church for weddings, but for some reason the prayer topic hit home. When I was in jail for the DUI, I started to pray but I felt like an idoit/guilty that I only prayed in times of need. So I stopped. Not sure I'll get back into the dogma of church, but maybe I should start praying. Also, a member talked about volunteering to help others and it's something that never crossed my mind as something I should incorporate into my single life until yesterday. So while I'm not an alcoholic AA has been a place I enjoy going and plus you get to hear some crazy stories.

As far as the dating scene goes, just taking a break and not "focusing" on women. If it happens it happens. The primary reason is because of my DUI and pending license suspension it will be tough for me to go on dates. There's girls on POF that I would love to start interacting with but dating would be hard with no car and you only get one chance. Maybe I'll take a chance on the lower rung girls.

 

[Zow]

Yah going to AA meetings to help support my case for the Board of Registered nursing and it can only help when when sentencing comes from the judge according to the lawyers I spoke too.AA meetings have actually been really helpful. It's been another forum to share, get my feelings out there and also learn a lot from these people on how to deal with life. Not everyone of them is successful and stays sober but I admire the determination and listening to their strategies on how to get through life.Actually yesterday's meeting about prayer really got to me. I'm not a very religious guy anymore, only go to church for weddings, but for some reason the prayer topic hit home. When I was in jail for the DUI, I started to pray but I felt like an idoit/guilty that I only prayed in times of need. So I stopped. Not sure I'll get back into the dogma of church, but maybe I should start praying. Also, a member talked about volunteering to help others and it's something that never crossed my mind as something I should incorporate into my single life until yesterday. So while I'm not an alcoholic AA has been a place I enjoy going and plus you get to hear some crazy stories.As far as the dating scene goes, just taking a break and not "focusing" on women. If it happens it happens. The primary reason is because of my DUI and pending license suspension it will be tough for me to go on dates. There's girls on POF that I would love to start interacting with but dating would be hard with no car and you only get one chance. Maybe I'll take a chance on the lower rung girls.

Yeah I wouldn't go nuts on the dating yet. Concentrate fully on crossfit and becoming professionally and financially stable (the DUI will hurt the funds). Think of it as spring training to get ready for dating.

 

[Keerock]

Yah going to AA meetings to help support my case for the Board of Registered nursing and it can only help when when sentencing comes from the judge according to the lawyers I spoke too.AA meetings have actually been really helpful. It's been another forum to share, get my feelings out there and also learn a lot from these people on how to deal with life. Not everyone of them is successful and stays sober but I admire the determination and listening to their strategies on how to get through life.Actually yesterday's meeting about prayer really got to me. I'm not a very religious guy anymore, only go to church for weddings, but for some reason the prayer topic hit home. When I was in jail for the DUI, I started to pray but I felt like an idoit/guilty that I only prayed in times of need. So I stopped. Not sure I'll get back into the dogma of church, but maybe I should start praying. Also, a member talked about volunteering to help others and it's something that never crossed my mind as something I should incorporate into my single life until yesterday. So while I'm not an alcoholic AA has been a place I enjoy going and plus you get to hear some crazy stories.As far as the dating scene goes, just taking a break and not "focusing" on women. If it happens it happens. The primary reason is because of my DUI and pending license suspension it will be tough for me to go on dates. There's girls on POF that I would love to start interacting with but dating would be hard with no car and you only get one chance. Maybe I'll take a chance on the lower rung girls.

Yeah I wouldn't go nuts on the dating yet. Concentrate fully on crossfit and becoming professionally and financially stable (the DUI will hurt the funds). Think of it as spring training to get ready for dating.

I'll agree with this, BUT... you need to slump bust, dumpster dive and as many times as you can over the next many months. Don't let any of the next 10-20 chicks you bang be "the one".

 

[Zow]

Yah going to AA meetings to help support my case for the Board of Registered nursing and it can only help when when sentencing comes from the judge according to the lawyers I spoke too.AA meetings have actually been really helpful. It's been another forum to share, get my feelings out there and also learn a lot from these people on how to deal with life. Not everyone of them is successful and stays sober but I admire the determination and listening to their strategies on how to get through life.Actually yesterday's meeting about prayer really got to me. I'm not a very religious guy anymore, only go to church for weddings, but for some reason the prayer topic hit home. When I was in jail for the DUI, I started to pray but I felt like an idoit/guilty that I only prayed in times of need. So I stopped. Not sure I'll get back into the dogma of church, but maybe I should start praying. Also, a member talked about volunteering to help others and it's something that never crossed my mind as something I should incorporate into my single life until yesterday. So while I'm not an alcoholic AA has been a place I enjoy going and plus you get to hear some crazy stories.As far as the dating scene goes, just taking a break and not "focusing" on women. If it happens it happens. The primary reason is because of my DUI and pending license suspension it will be tough for me to go on dates. There's girls on POF that I would love to start interacting with but dating would be hard with no car and you only get one chance. Maybe I'll take a chance on the lower rung girls.

Yeah I wouldn't go nuts on the dating yet. Concentrate fully on crossfit and becoming professionally and financially stable (the DUI will hurt the funds). Think of it as spring training to get ready for dating.

I'll agree with this, BUT... you need to slump bust, dumpster dive and as many times as you can over the next many months. Don't let any of the next 10-20 chicks you bang be "the one".

Agreed. Don't seek it out, but if you encounter some girl you normally wouldn't be interested in but who is open for some stuff you've never tried before then you definitely should take advantage. Good stress-reliever.

 

[sbonomo]

Between this thread and nysportsfan, it's a :trainwreck:

For one, you are not the reason behind her success. She's the one that did the work, not you. My ex pulled this same card - insinuating that she's the reason behind my success. It made me hate her even more. Sure, she supported me throughout but I still would have been successful without her.

I think I've done alright so far. I resent that.

Nysportsfan's thread isn't close to the same level as this one.

To be fair, it's a lot different to be the dumper than the dumpee.

Is it that different? I see a lot of similarities here ... both are very distraught and upset with the breakup. One main advantage of nysportsfan is that he is in control where as 16 is a fish out of water.

I wonder why that appears to be the case?Women.

Why are you pushing blame to women? You have had several opportunities to gain control of this situation. But instead, your focus is on writing an apology letter for something that happened 5 years ago.

Not blaming women, but apparently logic is over some women's heads. - CSTU points out there's a difference between being the dumper and the dumpee.

- You say. There's no difference. Well... except for one: nysportsfan (the dumper) is in control and 16 (the dumpee) is a fish out of water.

- Think those two go hand in hand? I do. If you dumped someone YOU CONTROLLED when the relationship ended, emotionally you are more prepared. If you were dumped by someone you had no control when the relationship ended and are not prepared what so ever. Sure both are miserable and distraught, but there's a huge difference there in the degree and impact.

Seems like a HUGE difference to me and shows up in the vast difference between the two threads.

She controlled the decision to end the relationship ... however, you are in control of your actions afterward. You could easily gain control of the situation but you have failed miserably.

 

[Silver & Black]

I didn't read the first 36 pages of this thread. Can someone tell me what the heck is going on in here? Thanks.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

I didn't read the first 36 pages of this thread. Can someone tell me what the heck is going on in here? Thanks.

No. 16 got dumped by his longtime GF. She was getting boned by a personal trainer.No. 16 took some girl to an NBA game and failed to get laid.EvilGrin got an handie in mass.No. 16 nailed a coke dealer from Hawaii without protection.Some girl learned how to hula hoop really well.Woz showed up to give his advice on relationships. No. 16 got a DUI and is now attending AA meetings. There's been other stuff, but that's what springs to mind.

 

[Silver & Black]

I didn't read the first 36 pages of this thread. Can someone tell me what the heck is going on in here? Thanks.

No. 16 got dumped by his longtime GF. She was getting boned by a personal trainer.No. 16 took some girl to an NBA game and failed to get laid.EvilGrin got an handie in mass.No. 16 nailed a coke dealer from Hawaii without protection.Some girl learned how to hula hoop really well.Woz showed up to give his advice on relationships. No. 16 got a DUI and is now attending AA meetings. There's been other stuff, but that's what springs to mind.

See, now that's what I'm talking about. Thanks!

 

[gianmarco]

I didn't read the first 36 pages of this thread. Can someone tell me what the heck is going on in here? Thanks.

No. 16 got dumped by his longtime GF. She was getting boned by a personal trainer.No. 16 took some girl to an NBA game and failed to get laid.

EvilGrin got an handie in mass.

No. 16 nailed a coke dealer from Hawaii without protection.

Some girl learned how to hula hoop really well.

Woz showed up to give his advice on relationships.

No. 16 got a DUI and is now attending AA meetings.

There's been other stuff, but that's what springs to mind.

See, now that's what I'm talking about. Thanks!

And the bolded portion is the only portion worth going back to look for.

 

[BigJim®]

Great to see you've moved on from insisting on phoning the parents for cultural reasons. Now you're just planning to write them, ignoring texts requesting return of personal items, considering sending a 5-year old apology, considering sending a note about how you helped her succeed, and gossiping like high school girls about the ex's escapades and relationship status? You don't know your mind at all in my opinion, because your mind is looking for every opportunity to create a confrontational situation. Here's what a healthy mind does:

Text: I need to get my diploma and certificate

Immediate response: Sounds good, I'm going to GB's house Saturday and can easily drop them off for you there.

Buddy: I need to talk to you about your ex

You: You know I'd love to help a friend, but if it involves my ex I want nothing to do with it. I'm too biased to help anyway, and I want that entire situation in my rearview mirror.

I have a friend who is just like you, always seeking advice and then following his weak flimsily rationalized instincts instead. One insanely bad instinct after the next. It's painful to watch.

 

[No. 16]

Great to see you've moved on from insisting on phoning the parents for cultural reasons. Now you're just planning to write them, ignoring texts requesting return of personal items, considering sending a 5-year old apology, considering sending a note about how you helped her succeed, and gossiping like high school girls about the ex's escapades and relationship status? You don't know your mind at all in my opinion, because your mind is looking for every opportunity to create a confrontational situation. Here's what a healthy mind does:Text: I need to get my diploma and certificateImmediate response: Sounds good, I'm going to GB's house Saturday and can easily drop them off for you there.Buddy: I need to talk to you about your exYou: You know I'd love to help a friend, but if it involves my ex I want nothing to do with it. I'm too biased to help anyway, and I want that entire situation in my rearview mirror. I have a friend who is just like you, always seeking advice and then following his weak flimsily rationalized instincts instead. One insanely bad instinct after the next. It's painful to watch.

Your friend is lucky.

 

[No. 16]

Finally some good news in my life.

This past year I've been working as on call RN in the pediatric unit. In 2011 it was great as I was able to get 8-10 days per pay period, but once 2012 hit (pretty much right when my GF broke up with me) my work days dropped to 3-4 days per pay period. So not only did my GF break up with me, but I had less money, work seemed less secure than I thought, and I had a whole crapload of time to sit at home and wallow in my self pity.

After a couple of weeks playing phone tag, finally got a hold of the nurse manager on the medical floor and I'll begin orienting tonight so I can start working in adult medicine. It's not a benefited position, but between the 2 units I should be able to easily get back to working 8-10 days per pay period, which is more than enough money for me. Since I only have 1 year of experience under my belt, getting out of a niche area like pediatrics (not where I wanted to be, but it was the 1st job offered after a year of searching) and into adult medicine is the KEY experience I need to be able to advance my career to eventually the ER or ICU.

So getting my body right and now my career is headed in the right direction. If only I didn't have a DUI.

 

[Rick James]

Finally some good news in my life.This past year I've been working as on call RN in the pediatric unit. In 2011 it was great as I was able to get 8-10 days per pay period, but once 2012 hit (pretty much right when my GF broke up with me) my work days dropped to 3-4 days per pay period. So not only did my GF break up with me, but I had less money, work seemed less secure than I thought, and I had a whole crapload of time to sit at home and wallow in my self pity. After a couple of weeks playing phone tag, finally got a hold of the nurse manager on the medical floor and I'll begin orienting tonight so I can start working in adult medicine. It's not a benefited position, but between the 2 units I should be able to easily get back to working 8-10 days per pay period, which is more than enough money for me. Since I only have 1 year of experience under my belt, getting out of a niche area like pediatrics (not where I wanted to be, but it was the 1st job offered after a year of searching) and into adult medicine is the KEY experience I need to be able to advance my career to eventually the ER or ICU.So getting my body right and now my career is headed in the right direction. If only I didn't have a DUI.

Is your plan to eventually go to CRNA school? The ER/ICU experience is why I ask...applicants aren't accepted without that experienceoh, and congrats on more money!

 

[trogg78]

I'm rooting for him to get back together with his ex. Anybody laying odds?

 

[No. 16]

Finally some good news in my life.This past year I've been working as on call RN in the pediatric unit. In 2011 it was great as I was able to get 8-10 days per pay period, but once 2012 hit (pretty much right when my GF broke up with me) my work days dropped to 3-4 days per pay period. So not only did my GF break up with me, but I had less money, work seemed less secure than I thought, and I had a whole crapload of time to sit at home and wallow in my self pity. After a couple of weeks playing phone tag, finally got a hold of the nurse manager on the medical floor and I'll begin orienting tonight so I can start working in adult medicine. It's not a benefited position, but between the 2 units I should be able to easily get back to working 8-10 days per pay period, which is more than enough money for me. Since I only have 1 year of experience under my belt, getting out of a niche area like pediatrics (not where I wanted to be, but it was the 1st job offered after a year of searching) and into adult medicine is the KEY experience I need to be able to advance my career to eventually the ER or ICU.So getting my body right and now my career is headed in the right direction. If only I didn't have a DUI.

Is your plan to eventually go to CRNA school? The ER/ICU experience is why I ask...applicants aren't accepted without that experienceoh, and congrats on more money!

It's definitely an option down the road. Great thing about nursing is there's so many different "jobs" within the field. Can't imagine how some nurses stay in one unit for 20+ years.

 

[sbonomo]

Finally some good news in my life.This past year I've been working as on call RN in the pediatric unit. In 2011 it was great as I was able to get 8-10 days per pay period, but once 2012 hit (pretty much right when my GF broke up with me) my work days dropped to 3-4 days per pay period. So not only did my GF break up with me, but I had less money, work seemed less secure than I thought, and I had a whole crapload of time to sit at home and wallow in my self pity. After a couple of weeks playing phone tag, finally got a hold of the nurse manager on the medical floor and I'll begin orienting tonight so I can start working in adult medicine. It's not a benefited position, but between the 2 units I should be able to easily get back to working 8-10 days per pay period, which is more than enough money for me. Since I only have 1 year of experience under my belt, getting out of a niche area like pediatrics (not where I wanted to be, but it was the 1st job offered after a year of searching) and into adult medicine is the KEY experience I need to be able to advance my career to eventually the ER or ICU.So getting my body right and now my career is headed in the right direction. If only I didn't have a DUI.

Congrats! like others here have said, don't beat yourself up over the DUI. Get through the classes, pay the fines, do your time and move on. As long as you are making good choices when drinking (designated driver, cabs, public transpertaion) this will go away soon.

 

[Zow]

I didn't read the first 36 pages of this thread. Can someone tell me what the heck is going on in here? Thanks.

No. 16 got dumped by his longtime GF. She was getting boned by a personal trainer.No. 16 took some girl to an NBA game and failed to get laid.EvilGrin got an handie in mass.No. 16 nailed a coke dealer from Hawaii without protection.Some girl learned how to hula hoop really well.Woz showed up to give his advice on relationships. No. 16 got a DUI and is now attending AA meetings. There's been other stuff, but that's what springs to mind.

I gave more DUI info than relationship advice

 

[skillz]

I'm rooting for him to get back together with his ex. Anybody laying odds?

Given his explanation about how the trainer is seeing multiple women, including his ex, I am sure he will dump her at some point and she will get in touch with No. 16 to say how sorry she was. If that happens, it's inevitable they will get back together since he is still not over her. Worst thing that could happen to him though IMO since she's a cheating whore but some people need to learn the hard way as they go through life.

 

[trogg78]

I'm rooting for him to get back together with his ex. Anybody laying odds?

Given his explanation about how the trainer is seeing multiple women, including his ex, I am sure he will dump her at some point and she will get in touch with No. 16 to say how sorry she was. If that happens, it's inevitable they will get back together since he is still not over her. Worst thing that could happen to him though IMO since she's a cheating whore but some people need to learn the hard way as they go through life.

He wasn't exactly trustworthy either. Maybe not on the same level, but enough to not be trusted. Both seem to be on a self destructive path. If they both clean up they'll be perfect for each other.

 

[Steed]

Everyone makes mistakes.Clearly, you still love your ex, otherwise this thread would be about boning fat girls and rebound chicks.Just like your suspended license is temporary, the PT is not a long term thing with her. Your current actions are merely reactive to get back at the girl that hurt you. And she is counter-punching with her own dumb decisions. Sit down and have an adult conversation with her and put everything in the past, because drug dealers and DUIs aren't the answer.End this foolish trend of self-destruction for both your sakes. Sure, she's crazy, they're all crazy. But you two are better together than apart, and you've gained some valuable wisdom since the breakup. You can't just wait for her to come to her senses and run back to you. You have to grab her and shake her like a baby to make her realize the large penis of a muscular man does not equal happiness.So stop playing games and reach out to her for a sincere conversation. One day you'll be happy that you didn't give up. And that's when you know you're a real man.

Horrible advice.

 

[James Daulton]

I think you typically need like 4 years of ICU experience. Get that, then (assuming you currently have a BSN), go to CRNA school for 2 - 3 years. You come out making like $180k/yr + you get paid overtime. You could be set by the time you're 30.

 

[Johnny Rock]

I think you typically need like 4 years of ICU experience. Get that, then (assuming you currently have a BSN), go to CRNA school for 2 - 3 years. You come out making like $180k/yr + you get paid overtime. You could be set by the time you're 30.

Seriously? How many years of school and how much does it cost to get to that point?

 

[flranger]

Good luck to you #16. This has been at times a very entertaining thread, punctuated by coke slingin HI chick and the hula hoop girl. I'm sure you will be fine.

-

Since hula hoop girl the thread has become, well.....boring. It's good you are getting your stuff together and if I had a daily thread it would probably go 2 pages before everyone would be asleep. Either way, I appreciate the entertainment value this thread has given and hope things work out for you. That being said, I think it's time to put this thread out to pasture.

 

[geoff8695]

Thing is she never appeared miserable. According to her cousin she was even detailing our wedding plans while she was in Vegas when she met the personal trainer. It just seemed like this guy flipped some type of switch.

I understand that now everything we did doesn't mean squat and she made her decision but when it comes down to:

- Guy you've been with for 7 years, has loved you, great career, great family that loves you

vs.

- Hot Personal Trainer you met in Vegas, non-college graduate, and later you find out he has other girlfriends

She made her choice not to love me. I'm coming to terms with that now but I just bring it up because this all seems out of character to the GF I knew who wanted to be with me 24/7, who talked about our future together, and didn't want to become like

blah-blah-blah...

her sisters (1 married to a guy who can't keep a job due to gambling issues and the other who has 3 kids from 3 different fathers, divorced 1x, and broke off an engagement b/c she was with another guy) and her parents (who have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past 15 years).



Doesn't seem logical, but then again lust/attraction causes one to do crazy things. Like I said this caught EVERYONE by surprise. None of her friends ever heard her utter a word of discontent until she did this.

So it is what it is now. The crazy was there early on the relationship, went away when I relented and she moved up her for school, and now is back full force. Seems like she's destined to go down the path of her family in regards to relationships but for her sake, I hope not.

More blah-blah-blah...

While most of this post is meaningless drivel, you should be reflecting upon the bolded part IMO.As a general rule if you are looking to settle down at some point in the future, then you should be avoiding wimmens who come from this type of family like the plague!

It sounds great in principle to successfully perform a reclamation project on the product of a dysfunctional family, but the cold hard reality is that they tend to produce dysfunctional broken children who screw up their own relationships and families and create heartache and pain for those who try to love them.

LEARN FROM THIS 16, and RUN don't walk away from this girl and women like her. Not only are the odds stacked heavily against any guy who tries to build a family with a girl like this, but even if successful, there is almost always an inordinate amount of pain and hard work that makes such a relationship more tedious than enjoyable.

Do yourself a favor and make a mental note of this...

 

[No. 16]

I think you typically need like 4 years of ICU experience. Get that, then (assuming you currently have a BSN), go to CRNA school for 2 - 3 years. You come out making like $180k/yr + you get paid overtime. You could be set by the time you're 30.

Seriously? How many years of school and how much does it cost to get to that point?

Not too much compared to other majors.You can get a regular BS at a state school in about 4 years +/- a year. Then after you get experience working, 2-3 year Masters program.

 

[No. 16]

So last night at work my ex texted me and instead of ignoring her completely like I did last time I thought I would take the civil approach that raiderfan and someone else mentioned. Well, let's just say there's a reason why I didn't even want to reply.

Backstory: I have our dog. The place she's staying at doesn't allow pets. So our dog now lives with me in my parents house and their 2 dogs. The dog my ex and I bought has actually lived at my parents house for 4/5 past years while we in college living in apartments. Only last year when the ex and I got a place did the dog live alone and she was sad. About two weeks after we broke up she asked if she could take the dog and leave it at her parents house in SoCal and I said hell no. It's my damn dog too.

Fast forward to last night. I'm on break at work and I get a text as I am surfing Facebook.

Paraphrase first part since I got angry and deleted messages.

Ex: Can I see [dog] for my birthday? I'll leave you something. Promise I'll bring her back.

Me: [taking nice guy route] Sure. You can see her, but I can't leave her alone with you. I can't trust that you won't take her to your parents.. We can meet or I can have my GB watch while you see our dog.

The ex then gets pissed. I also tell her that the dog just gave birth to still born puppies. She didn't know she was pregnant and now starts say mean things about me and my family for keeping the dog and not telling her about the pregnancy and birth. I then reply telling her to not disrepect my family since they all loved her and to please leave me alone and never contact me. Really pissed me off. Before I knew it I wasted my 45 minute break dealing with this mess.

Gott some downtime at work a few hours later and found this reply:

Ex: "I'm sorry for being disrespectful to your family. Just upset that you didn't tell me about my dog when it happened and you would have never told me that she had stillborns. That's very rude of you.

I'm sorry for what has happened between us. I really hope you can be happy with your life and everything that goes on with it. I really do feel bad with your situation and I hope things get better for you. I don't hate you and I hope you don't hate me. I just hope we can move on with our lives and if we happen to cross paths in the future we will be civil

with each other. Take care No.16"

Then I reply:

Me: "Thank you. Don't worry about my situation. It's my mess, but I'll get through it. Honestly I wish I could talk to you about a lot of things... Not just [dog] but we're not together anymore. So please don't hold that against me. I need to move on and in order to be completely happy I can't talk to you at all. So please understand and respect that. Thank you. Happy Birthday. Hope your happy, just realize you deserve someone who will treat you like a princess and devote all their love and attention to you and only you. You're to special to be fighting for it."

As you can see I became a big giant ######. That's why I shouldn't even reply to her texts. I then finish up the rest of my work shift. After work I check my phone and she sent another text.

Ex: "I know it's not my place bc of our situation and I'll completely respect your wishes in order for you to move on and be happy. But if you ever feel like there is absolutely no one there for you and you feel completely alone please don't hesitate to call me. Despite what has happened between us, we were best friends for years and I probably understand you more than anyone. And same goes for you about me. But like I said, I'll completely respect your wishes. Take care No. 16"

So I see this and emotions start to stir up. When I found out I would orient to a Med-surg floor the other day the first person I wanted to share the news with was her. I told my parents, friends, Facebook, and you guys here but I still felt empty. I know I need to get over her, but this was a huge step for my career and I always imagined I'd have her as a resource when I did get into Med/surg since that's where she's been working the past year.

I wasn't going to tell her the news despite what I felt but as I was sitting in my car with this ball of emotion fighting to escape Maxwell's "This Woman's Work" (guaranteed tear jerker) comes on and that just puts me over the top. I start bawling like a little baby and I decided to send her this text as tears hit my iphone:

Me: "I just need to share one last thing. I know you probably don't care, but I just finished orienting to PM on a medical floor! When I found out yesterday I would finally orient on a med-surg floor all I wanted to do was share the news with you. Wish you were still with me to guide me. I still miss you, although I know can never trust you again. Thanks. Take care."

No matter if she replied or not. I felt a lot better afterwards. I don't know why but it felt good just telling her the news. God I turn into such a #####. I guess I just had to let those feelings out.

I drive home in a somber trance. Just listening to all the slow jams playing on the radio. Once I get home she replies back:

Ex: "Why wouldn't I care!? I am so proud of you, No. 16! That is so great! Thank you for sharing that with me. I know you didn't have to but I'm thankful you did. Great to hear you're expanding your experience in nursing. I knew you can do it. You're very smart and amazing nurse. Just remember everything will come with experience. I wish I could with you all my stories. I was pretty proud of myself today for deciding on transferring a pt based on my assessment and based on a previous pt who had similar symptoms. I was quite proud of myself Times like this I wish I could tell you bc you understood the feeling. And I know it's all my fault to mess everything up. I'm sorry.

I know that you'll do great in med-surge and hopefully you will figure out what you're ultimate goal is from there. Take care No.16. Good luck with everything. And remember just keep smiling & just be happy "

I read the text as I lay in bed, but I never replied. I felt "fine" again after I had texted her the news. That's all I had wanted. I finally closed my eyes and went to sleep that night. Then around 600 I receive another text from her:

EX: "I don't miss you as my boyfriend but I really do miss you as my friend but I know that is not possible any time soon. I'll stop contacting you now but please don't hesitate to contact me if you ever feel alone. Take care No. 16. Bye."

And that's where our conversation has ended. I don't ever intend to open any lines of communication in the future until I have a smoking hot girl as my GF and am completely over her. I will never trust her so I will move on. However, this is probably the first convo we had since we broke up that ended pleasantly. Although the convo started out rough, at least I know she doesn't hate me and still has some type of heart. She knows I want to move on.

I post this today because I know you guys will probably roast the hell out of me, but that conversation felt like the closure that both of us needed. I was really emotional last night, but once morning came and I read that text I just felt "nothing" for once.

 

[Dr. Awesome]

Sigh. You're still not over her (which is fine and normal). But stop fooling yourself with all this damned closure talk. Closure comes with time and distance. It hasn't been long enough.

Stay civil means don't insult her. It doesn't mean talk to her. Do not communicate with her at all. Discussing sharing the dog?

The trainer is ditching her (or distancing himself) and she's thinking about returning to you.