Lessons you learned...the hard way (1 Viewer)

[Finless]

Even better. Find a good facial moisturizer with SPF in it and apply it every single morning. I've done this for the past 20 years probably.

This is not surprising at all.

And I'm 37, but often get mistaken for late 20's.

This is the very first time I have ever heard a

guy say that.

I'm 37 and I people usually think I'm in my mid-late 20s

Yeah , junkies always look 10 years younger than their real age

True that. On the other hand, don't call me a junky.

As far as work and cat people go, I agree with that. There's something psychological going on. Cat people generally are the antithesis of the personality one would want for a salesperson. Cat people are generally introverted and socially awkward...not to mention the emotional baggage and esteem problems that go along with a person who prefers to spend their time with felines rather than people.

I'm the same way with creationists. How can you trust a person who thinks man saddled up dinosaurs? I'm dead serious about this. For me that's grounds for being locked in a padded room.

 

[mr roboto]

Make sure the deer is dead before you try to field dress it.

Ive gotta hear more about this.

 

[Treynwreck3]

Make sure the deer is dead before you try to field dress it.

Ive gotta hear more about this.

I was probably 11 years old, my first time hunting by myself. I shot an 8 point buck and he went down in a heap. In my excitement, I climbed down from my blind and immediately went straight to it. It looked dead. So I put my rifle down, found a rock to help split the pelvis and grabbed the deer's hind legs to turn him onto his back. He "woke up" and kicked the crap out of me, cutting my left arm wide open. He jumped to his feet and took off through the brush. So I am sitting on my butt, bleeding all over the place and crying like a girl. After I vomited, I wrapped my shirt around my arm, got up, got my rifle and went after the deer. He didn't make it very far, as I found him about fifty yards away. He was dead, but I shot him again anyway. I walked back to the blind and waited for my brother to come get me. To this day he still laughs about it.

 

[mr roboto]

Reminds me of the Tommyboy scene with the deer.

 

[Treynwreck3]

Reminds me of the Tommyboy scene with the deer.

Never saw that.

After that, every time I shoot a deer and he goes down, I will wait about 10-15 minutes before I approach them. Even then I still have a sidearm drawn.

 

[johnnycakes]

Reminds me of the Tommyboy scene with the deer.

Never saw that.

After that, every time I shoot a deer and he goes down, I will wait about 10-15 minutes before I approach them. Even then I still have a sidearm drawn.

Just do like Whitey Bulger and bring your MP40 and pump rounds into it until it bounces off the ground.

 

[McGarnicle]

Never keep dating a woman solely because she's got a solid family, a career and a good head on her shoulders. If your heart says "meh", you can't force feelings to be there.

And then definitely don't propose, buy a house with her, and a ring, and then tell her in a therapist's office after many agonizing months of delaying the wedding that you simply aren't in love with her.

 

[glock]

Never keep dating a woman solely because she's got a solid family, a career and a good head on her shoulders. If your heart says "meh", you can't force feelings to be there.

And then definitely don't propose, buy a house with her, and a ring, and then tell her in a therapist's office after many agonizing months of delaying the wedding that you simply aren't in love with her.

You *******...

 

[McGarnicle]

Never keep dating a woman solely because she's got a solid family, a career and a good head on her shoulders. If your heart says "meh", you can't force feelings to be there.

And then definitely don't propose, buy a house with her, and a ring, and then tell her in a therapist's office after many agonizing months of delaying the wedding that you simply aren't in love with her.

You *******...

Jennifer??!?

 

[Statcruncher]

When your wife quits her job to be a stay-at-home-mom and promises she will go back to work when the kids start school she's lying.

 

[Abraham]

Never keep dating a woman solely because she's got a solid family, a career and a good head on her shoulders. If your heart says "meh", you can't force feelings to be there.

And then definitely don't propose, buy a house with her, and a ring, and then tell her in a therapist's office after many agonizing months of delaying the wedding that you simply aren't in love with her.

You *******...

Jennifer??!?

 

[glock]

Never keep dating a woman solely because she's got a solid family, a career and a good head on her shoulders. If your heart says "meh", you can't force feelings to be there.

And then definitely don't propose, buy a house with her, and a ring, and then tell her in a therapist's office after many agonizing months of delaying the wedding that you simply aren't in love with her.

You *******...

Jennifer??!?

 

[Cold Dead Hands]

When your wife quits her job to be a stay-at-home-mom and promises she will go back to work when the kids start school she's lying.

Yes.

 

[IC FBGCav]

Don't lay a heavy metal rake flat on the ground when you're outside raking leaves. Learned that one the hard way. Stepped on the metal end of it as the wooden stick shot up towards my forehead at about 100mph. Had a headache for days. My dad had a good laugh over it though: "All part of growing up."

I dated a girl for a while that wanted to do some yard work at my place. (she was a lawn nazi) She did this to herself twice. Both times she was the one who put the rake down that way.

She had a headache that night also. Or maybe it was my hysterical laughing that gave her a headache. Either way, it meant none for me that night.

We were moving our daughter back from college and my wife was putting the microwave in the shed and did this. Hit her right between the eyes and there was much blood. I rushed her to the urgent care about two miles away. I was scared out of my mind for her. But we laugh about it now, especially since she looked like the kid from the movie Mask the next day.

 

[Bull Dozier]

Related to the peppers and genetalia lesson, don't cut hot peppers, fail to wash your hands and then rub your eyes.

I was making some ABTs, per the recipe here. I had the jalapenos cut and de-seeded and veined. I was waiting for the cream cheese to come to room teperature so I could start stuffing them. I went to sit by the kids in the pool and forgot to wash my hands. Got something in my eye and rubbed it with my finger. A few seconds later, my eye started burning, at which point I kept rubbing. I few seconds later it dawned on my why, so I grabbed a bottle of water that was out there and poured it in my eye. The water ran down my face onto my shirt. I told my kid to go get something, and was talking through the water pouring down my face, so I sounded like Jar Jar Binks after he zapped himself. I then ran into the house, since it kept getting worse and filled a sink up full of water and dunked my face in it. I did this a few times, and did nothing exceep proceed to spread the oil across my whole face. Finally I realized I needed milk. I filled a shot glass full of milk, and held it over my eye. I then rubbed the shot glass of milk all over my face to cool that as well. I also jumped in the shower at some point of this process to no avail.

Afterwards, I was quite the mess. Water all over my pants from the pool side attempt. Shirt off from jumping in the shower. Milk all over my face. My 11 year old son says to me "I'm sorry I was laughing so hard, I didn't know you were in that much pain."

 

[STBootleg]

Bring your own lube when going "sheeping"

Always take the sheep to the edge of a cliff. They push back better.

 

[Sand]

Brake hard with the right hand, not the left.

Great advice if you don't want to stop.

 

[Cunk]

Never get a aisle ticket to a sporting event where you have to look past the aisle to see the action. You'll only wind up seething at the amount of people who keep walking up and down the aisle blocking your view.

 

[sbonomo]

Make sure the deer is dead before you try to field dress it.

Ive gotta hear more about this.

I was probably 11 years old, my first time hunting by myself. I shot an 8 point buck and he went down in a heap. In my excitement, I climbed down from my blind and immediately went straight to it. It looked dead. So I put my rifle down, found a rock to help split the pelvis and grabbed the deer's hind legs to turn him onto his back. He "woke up" and kicked the crap out of me, cutting my left arm wide open. He jumped to his feet and took off through the brush. So I am sitting on my butt, bleeding all over the place and crying like a girl. After I vomited, I wrapped my shirt around my arm, got up, got my rifle and went after the deer. He didn't make it very far, as I found him about fifty yards away. He was dead, but I shot him again anyway. I walked back to the blind and waited for my brother to come get me. To this day he still laughs about it.

HFS....that is the funniest thing i have heard in a long time.....

 

[TheIronSheik]

Go out on top. But come back every so often to stay fresh in everyone's mind.

 

[Guest]

Never date the recent ex of a law enforcement officer.

 

[Sand]

Go out on top. But come back every so often to stay fresh in everyone's mind.

HFS.

 

[McGarnicle]

It's much better to have been shot down than to wonder for years afterward what would have happened had you worked up the courage to talk to her.

 

[SmoovySmoov]

No matter how hot a girl is, and no matter what they can do in the bedroom, it's not worth living with a crazy person.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Make sure the deer is dead before you try to field dress it.

Ive gotta hear more about this.

I was probably 11 years old, my first time hunting by myself. I shot an 8 point buck and he went down in a heap. In my excitement, I climbed down from my blind and immediately went straight to it. It looked dead. So I put my rifle down, found a rock to help split the pelvis and grabbed the deer's hind legs to turn him onto his back. He "woke up" and kicked the crap out of me, cutting my left arm wide open. He jumped to his feet and took off through the brush. So I am sitting on my butt, bleeding all over the place and crying like a girl. After I vomited, I wrapped my shirt around my arm, got up, got my rifle and went after the deer. He didn't make it very far, as I found him about fifty yards away. He was dead, but I shot him again anyway. I walked back to the blind and waited for my brother to come get me. To this day he still laughs about it.

You had it coming.

 

[proninja]

If a girl is smart, hot, fun, into you, but just not very nice, run like hell

 

[Zow]

If a girl is smart, hot, fun, into you, but just not very nice, run like hell

After sexing her a bunch of times.

 

[Annyong]

No matter how hot a girl is, and no matter what they can do in the bedroom, it's not worth living with a crazy person.

but what if shes, like, super hot?

 

[johnnycakes]

When you're going to the local Middle School to pick up your kid's fall schedule and homeroom assignment, and you're riding a Harley with that Boom! multi-way speaker system that puts out 100 watts per channel, DON'T be blasting Ten Years After's "Little School Girl" when you pull into the parking lot.

 

[Abraham]

When some guy named Ely on Craigslist tells you to call him so he can buy your mandolin for $200 plus a Fender 12 string, don't trust him.

 

[Ketamine Dreams]

1. Don't marry a woman with mental health problems

2. All women have mental health problems

 

[McGarnicle]

Jamie Lee Curtis is a hermaphrodite.

 

[johnnycakes]

Jamie Lee Curtis is a hermaphrodite.

Please explain how you learned that the hard way.

 

[McGarnicle]

Jamie Lee Curtis is a hermaphrodite.

Please explain how you learned that the hard way.

I read online that she's a hermaphrodite and it was very difficult for me because I've always enjoyed her work.

 

[SmoovySmoov]

No matter how hot a girl is, and no matter what they can do in the bedroom, it's not worth living with a crazy person.

but what if shes, like, super hot?

She was a former college cheerleader. Not worth it.

 

[Zasada]

Got this one from my Dad, so I guess technically he learned it the hard way:

Never, EVER, ask a woman you don't know when she's due.

One I learned myself:

Don't go cycling with a plastic bag of stuff hanging from the handlebars.

 

[Guest]

Never carry a tube of superglue in your pocket for an extended period of time.

 

[Quez]

Never call your soulmate a whore - even if you're in a cloud of benzos and cocaine. There's no justification that will make it ever go away.

Being arrogant leads to good people dropping out of your life.

Being right doesn't matter when you're alone.

Never touch genetilia after cutting hot peppers.

Arguing with irrational people is irrational and a serious waste or investment, time and emotions.

You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it take a bath.

If you feel you're being taken advantage of, you are. Quit being generous to those who don't really matter, its a self serving endeavor.

Hard drugs ruin lives.

We really only have a small handful of real friends and we often don't know who they really are.

Humility is sexier than arrogance unless your mark is shallow and hollow.

:(

 

[FUBAR]

1. Don't marry a woman with mental health problems

2. All women have mental health problems

All women are crazy. You pick the type of crazy you can live with.