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Man sends wife a spreadsheet of all the times she denied him sex (1 Viewer)

tommyboy said:
The real lesson for men on this one is: don't marry a quasi feminist prude. Find a chick that likes sex as equally as you do who isn't hung up on "womens issues"
tommyboy tries out a talking point.
Eh, there are still Victorian feminists out there, but they got replaced with the much more effectively seductive "#### me" feminism of Madonna and other pop culture icons and intellectuals, including Paglia. But tommyboy isn't totally off. The anti-PIV movement started by MacKinnon and company, while fringe, is still required reading in many college women's studies courses. One can't help but at least be shaped by the attendant ideas presented by more radical strains of feminist ideology. The intellectual legacy of 70's feminism still remains in our consciousness, and it's not fair to decry it as a mere "talking point."

Anecdotally, I dated a kind of radical feminist who had sex with me at least once a day, if not more, back in college. It depends on the strain of personalized feminism one adopts.

But I think the larger problem has been society's overwhelming focus on women's needs, feelings, and satisfaction over the past twenty years, which is more social than political, but certainly has a political element to it, especially since part of the politics of 70's feminism was to make the political inherently personal. One glance at the Jezebel website, for me, is a constant reminder of how effective that movement was.

eta* And, in relation to this, her broadcasting this information is part of the legacy of the personal politicization, as far as it relates to the interwebs.

eta2* From Joan Didion in 1972. Stunningly brilliant insight about the women's movement at the time. A long quote, to be sure.

The whole article is a must read for anyone wanting to understand how 70's feminism helped politicize the personal in a quest for an authentic self. http://www.nytimes.com/1972/07/30/books/didion-movement.html?_r=0

But of course something other than an objection to being "discriminated against" was at work here, something other than an aversion to being "stereotyped" in one's sex role. Increasingly it seemed that the aversion was to adult sexual life itself: how much cleaner to stay forever children. One is constantly struck, in the accounts of lesbian relationships which appear from time to time in the movement literature, by the emphasis on the superior "tenderness" of the relationship, the "gentleness" of the sexual connection, as if the participants were wounded birds. The derogation of assertiveness as "machismo" has achieved such currency that one imagines several million women too delicate to deal with a man more overtly sexual than, say, David Cassidy. Just as one had gotten the unintended but inescapable suggestion, when told about the "terror and revulsion" experienced by women in the vicinity of construction sites, of creatures too "tender" for the abrasiveness of daily life, too fragile for the streets, so now one was getting, in the later literature of the movement, the impression of women too "sensitive" for the difficulties and ambiguities of adult life, women unequipped for reality and grasping at the movement as a rationale for denying that reality.

 
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Ned said:
Thunderlips said:
I most definitely fall into the camp of getting your woman off of the medicinal birth control; be it the pill or those injections. Get a vasectomy, get her tubes tied, get her one of those IUDs......that medicinal birth control is no good for the sex drive.
IUDs are still medicinal. Stupid thing has wrecked my wife's lady part, but she refuses to admit it. I regret taking the easy way out and passing on the vasectomy.
This sounds weird but I've heard really weird stuff with IUDs. Personally, I love mine. I rarely ever have a period anymore and my mood swings are wayyyyyy down.My first response to this was that guy has it rough, once every other week. But there are probably other issues that he either doesn't see and/or admit too.I've alway said, men feel affectionate and close to someone after they have sex. Women need to feel affection and love before they have sex.

She maybe bitter that she has to do all the house work or has to nag him about everything. Or she could just be a #####.

But neither party came out looking good here. He's dumb for handling it like this, she's stupid for publicizing it.
Her period is worse than when she didn't have the IUD; lingers for 2 weeks. Then the V hurts in between all that. Adds up to not much sexy time. If it weren't for running, I'd be climbing the walls with anxiety. I feel guilty being frustrated with it.The bolded is so true.
Have her take it out, especially if it hurts in between. I do agree with Sabertooth, it's ok to feel frustrated, contraception is supposed to make sex easier not deprive you of it or be painful, so feeling frustrated is justified. Just don't take it out on her if she's trying.

Ned said:
Thunderlips said:
I most definitely fall into the camp of getting your woman off of the medicinal birth control; be it the pill or those injections. Get a vasectomy, get her tubes tied, get her one of those IUDs......that medicinal birth control is no good for the sex drive.
IUDs are still medicinal. Stupid thing has wrecked my wife's lady part, but she refuses to admit it. I regret taking the easy way out and passing on the vasectomy.
This sounds weird but I've heard really weird stuff with IUDs. Personally, I love mine. I rarely ever have a period anymore and my mood swings are wayyyyyy down.My first response to this was that guy has it rough, once every other week. But there are probably other issues that he either doesn't see and/or admit too.I've alway said, men feel affectionate and close to someone after they have sex. Women need to feel affection and love before they have sex.

She maybe bitter that she has to do all the house work or has to nag him about everything. Or she could just be a #####.

But neither party came out looking good here. He's dumb for handling it like this, she's stupid for publicizing it.
Her period is worse than when she didn't have the IUD; lingers for 2 weeks. Then the V hurts in between all that. Adds up to not much sexy time. If it weren't for running, I'd be climbing the walls with anxiety. I feel guilty being frustrated with it.The bolded is so true.
You feel guilty for wanting to have sex with your wife? That's messed up. Can't she have the IUD removed? Can't you go have the vasectomy anyway? There are lots of things that work for child prevention that don't involve lobotomizing her libido. You know what happens if you don't take charge of your marriage and sex life? Nothing.

Women don't need to feel love before they have sex. That's crazy talk. Women need to feel attraction before they have sex. That's why #######s bang hot chicks all the time. You honestly think somebody like David Beckham would need a woman to feel loved before he took her into his limo and pounded her? Of course not.

I think the guy in the OP is probably out of shape and doing nothing to build his wife's attraction to him. She just isn't into a nerdy soft man who doesn't know how to dress and smells bad. Can't very well blame her for that.

Take control of your own life.
I'm talking about in a marriage or other committed relationships where there is more than just getting off involved. And I'm sure when David Beckham pisses off his wife, he gets iced out of bed too.
 
The real lesson for men on this one is: don't marry a quasi feminist prude. Find a chick that likes sex as equally as you do who isn't hung up on "womens issues"
tommyboy tries out a talking point.
Eh, there are still Victorian feminists out there, but they got replaced with the much more effectively seductive "#### me" feminism of Madonna and other pop culture icons and intellectuals, including Paglia. But tommyboy isn't totally off. The anti-PIV movement started by MacKinnon and company, while fringe, is still required reading in many college women's studies courses. One can't help but at least be shaped by the attendant ideas presented by more radical strains of feminist ideology. The intellectual legacy of 70's feminism still remains in our consciousness, and it's not fair to decry it as a mere "talking point."
:lmao:

 
The real lesson for men on this one is: don't marry a quasi feminist prude. Find a chick that likes sex as equally as you do who isn't hung up on "womens issues"
tommyboy tries out a talking point.
Eh, there are still Victorian feminists out there, but they got replaced with the much more effectively seductive "#### me" feminism of Madonna and other pop culture icons and intellectuals, including Paglia. But tommyboy isn't totally off. The anti-PIV movement started by MacKinnon and company, while fringe, is still required reading in many college women's studies courses. One can't help but at least be shaped by the attendant ideas presented by more radical strains of feminist ideology. The intellectual legacy of 70's feminism still remains in our consciousness, and it's not fair to decry it as a mere "talking point."
:lmao:
I love how the new left-wing thing on the board is just to post a smiley face instead of address the argument.

What do you know about the history of the feminist movement, fatness? Please enlighten me.

Because I've actually studied it.

eta* You know what? Forget it. Don't even bother responding. I'm sure it's a typical left-wing talking point, as always from you, that merits a :mellow:

eta2* From the quickest of quick Wiki searches. I mean, ####, do you guys ever read before you post, or do you just ####### blather blather blather until your own prejudices are confirmed in your own head? Just read about second and third wave feminism. God knows I spent every night in bed for a year and a half listening to it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_feminism#Sexual_politics

 
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The real lesson for men on this one is: don't marry a quasi feminist prude. Find a chick that likes sex as equally as you do who isn't hung up on "womens issues"
tommyboy tries out a talking point.
Eh, there are still Victorian feminists out there, but they got replaced with the much more effectively seductive "#### me" feminism of Madonna and other pop culture icons and intellectuals, including Paglia. But tommyboy isn't totally off. The anti-PIV movement started by MacKinnon and company, while fringe, is still required reading in many college women's studies courses. One can't help but at least be shaped by the attendant ideas presented by more radical strains of feminist ideology. The intellectual legacy of 70's feminism still remains in our consciousness, and it's not fair to decry it as a mere "talking point."
:lmao:
I love how the new left-wing thing on the board is just to post a smiley face instead of address the argument.

What do you know about the history of the feminist movement, fatness? Please enlighten me.

Because I've actually studied it.

eta* You know what? Forget it. Don't even bother responding. I'm sure it's a typical left-wing talking point, as always from you, that merits a :mellow:

eta2* From the quickest of quick Wiki searches. I mean, ####, do you guys ever read before you post, or do you just ####### blather blather blather until your own prejudices are confirmed in your own head? Just read about second and third wave feminism. God knows I spent every night in bed for a year and a half listening to it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_feminism#Sexual_politics
You might want to cut back on the caffeine.

 
The real lesson for men on this one is: don't marry a quasi feminist prude. Find a chick that likes sex as equally as you do who isn't hung up on "womens issues"
tommyboy tries out a talking point.
Eh, there are still Victorian feminists out there, but they got replaced with the much more effectively seductive "#### me" feminism of Madonna and other pop culture icons and intellectuals, including Paglia. But tommyboy isn't totally off. The anti-PIV movement started by MacKinnon and company, while fringe, is still required reading in many college women's studies courses. One can't help but at least be shaped by the attendant ideas presented by more radical strains of feminist ideology. The intellectual legacy of 70's feminism still remains in our consciousness, and it's not fair to decry it as a mere "talking point."
:lmao:
I love how the new left-wing thing on the board is just to post a smiley face instead of address the argument.

What do you know about the history of the feminist movement, fatness? Please enlighten me.

Because I've actually studied it.

eta* You know what? Forget it. Don't even bother responding. I'm sure it's a typical left-wing talking point, as always from you, that merits a :mellow:

eta2* From the quickest of quick Wiki searches. I mean, ####, do you guys ever read before you post, or do you just ####### blather blather blather until your own prejudices are confirmed in your own head? Just read about second and third wave feminism. God knows I spent every night in bed for a year and a half listening to it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_feminism#Sexual_politics
You might want to cut back on the caffeine.
True.

 
There is no formula for sexual compatibility and it changes over time. Hormones, kids, life events and relationship issues all weigh in on frequency.

Seems like the best way to deal with it is to communicate about it. It also seems that the woman in this case chose to take that communication outside the relationship and ignore the message. That is a recipe for disaster and my impression from that is she is a ####. :shrug:

 
There is no formula for sexual compatibility and it changes over time. Hormones, kids, life events and relationship issues all weigh in on frequency.

Seems like the best way to deal with it is to communicate about it. It also seems that the woman in this case chose to take that communication outside the relationship and ignore the message. That is a recipe for disaster and my impression from that is she is a ####. :shrug:
When you say communicate, what do you mean? Do you think she isn't aware that she's turning him down for sex and that it hurts him? Or do you think she just isn't interested in sex with him. Because nothing turns an unattracted woman on more than constantly nagging her for a scrap of sex.

 
The real lesson for men on this one is: don't marry a quasi feminist prude. Find a chick that likes sex as equally as you do who isn't hung up on "womens issues"
tommyboy tries out a talking point.
Eh, there are still Victorian feminists out there, but they got replaced with the much more effectively seductive "#### me" feminism of Madonna and other pop culture icons and intellectuals, including Paglia. But tommyboy isn't totally off. The anti-PIV movement started by MacKinnon and company, while fringe, is still required reading in many college women's studies courses. One can't help but at least be shaped by the attendant ideas presented by more radical strains of feminist ideology. The intellectual legacy of 70's feminism still remains in our consciousness, and it's not fair to decry it as a mere "talking point."
:lmao:
I love how the new left-wing thing on the board is just to post a smiley face instead of address the argument.

What do you know about the history of the feminist movement, fatness? Please enlighten me.

Because I've actually studied it.

eta* You know what? Forget it. Don't even bother responding. I'm sure it's a typical left-wing talking point, as always from you, that merits a :mellow:

eta2* From the quickest of quick Wiki searches. I mean, ####, do you guys ever read before you post, or do you just ####### blather blather blather until your own prejudices are confirmed in your own head? Just read about second and third wave feminism. God knows I spent every night in bed for a year and a half listening to it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_feminism#Sexual_politics
The laughing smiley is a left wing thing?

I thought it was just a megadoosh thing

 
I find it funny that a bunch of guys here did the very same thing tracking dots
Can you enlighten me about this?
one poster was curious about how his :pickle: compared with other married couples. He developed a system where he recorded any :pickle: with a dot on a calender, color coded by activity. The thread turned into many FBGs, myself included, updating with their monthly dot counts.
So the only difference between you and the OP is you didnt send your totals to your wife?

 
The real lesson for men on this one is: don't marry a quasi feminist prude. Find a chick that likes sex as equally as you do who isn't hung up on "womens issues"
tommyboy tries out a talking point.
Eh, there are still Victorian feminists out there, but they got replaced with the much more effectively seductive "#### me" feminism of Madonna and other pop culture icons and intellectuals, including Paglia. But tommyboy isn't totally off. The anti-PIV movement started by MacKinnon and company, while fringe, is still required reading in many college women's studies courses. One can't help but at least be shaped by the attendant ideas presented by more radical strains of feminist ideology. The intellectual legacy of 70's feminism still remains in our consciousness, and it's not fair to decry it as a mere "talking point."
:lmao:
I love how the new left-wing thing on the board is just to post a smiley face instead of address the argument.

What do you know about the history of the feminist movement, fatness? Please enlighten me.

Because I've actually studied it.

eta* You know what? Forget it. Don't even bother responding. I'm sure it's a typical left-wing talking point, as always from you, that merits a :mellow:

eta2* From the quickest of quick Wiki searches. I mean, ####, do you guys ever read before you post, or do you just ####### blather blather blather until your own prejudices are confirmed in your own head? Just read about second and third wave feminism. God knows I spent every night in bed for a year and a half listening to it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_feminism#Sexual_politics
my first reaction to this post was to post a laughing smiley face...

 
I find it funny that a bunch of guys here did the very same thing tracking dots
Can you enlighten me about this?
one poster was curious about how his :pickle: compared with other married couples. He developed a system where he recorded any :pickle: with a dot on a calender, color coded by activity. The thread turned into many FBGs, myself included, updating with their monthly dot counts.
So the only difference between you and the OP is you didnt send your totals to your wife?
Not exactly. Tracking dots is positive reinforcement. Tracking rejection is negative.

 
I find it funny that a bunch of guys here did the very same thing tracking dots
Can you enlighten me about this?
A number of people tracked how many times they had sex with their wives using a colored dot system and then updated the rest of the board with their totals. Pretty weird if you ask me.
I didn't think it was weird. I found it very enlightening and gave us a lot to think about. Sex is an important part of a healthy marriage. I think many wives behave like the one in the article but really aren't aware of how damaging it is to the relationship. It's true there is no formula, life happens, people are tired. But if a thing is important you will make changes.

 
I find it funny that a bunch of guys here did the very same thing tracking dots
Can you enlighten me about this?
one poster was curious about how his :pickle: compared with other married couples. He developed a system where he recorded any :pickle: with a dot on a calender, color coded by activity. The thread turned into many FBGs, myself included, updating with their monthly dot counts.
So the only difference between you and the OP is you didnt send your totals to your wife?
Not exactly. Tracking dots is positive reinforcement. Tracking rejection is negative.
tomato, to-mah-to

 
The real lesson for men on this one is: don't marry a quasi feminist prude. Find a chick that likes sex as equally as you do who isn't hung up on "womens issues"
tommyboy tries out a talking point.
Eh, there are still Victorian feminists out there, but they got replaced with the much more effectively seductive "#### me" feminism of Madonna and other pop culture icons and intellectuals, including Paglia. But tommyboy isn't totally off. The anti-PIV movement started by MacKinnon and company, while fringe, is still required reading in many college women's studies courses. One can't help but at least be shaped by the attendant ideas presented by more radical strains of feminist ideology. The intellectual legacy of 70's feminism still remains in our consciousness, and it's not fair to decry it as a mere "talking point."
:lmao:
I love how the new left-wing thing on the board is just to post a smiley face instead of address the argument.

What do you know about the history of the feminist movement, fatness? Please enlighten me.

Because I've actually studied it.

eta* You know what? Forget it. Don't even bother responding. I'm sure it's a typical left-wing talking point, as always from you, that merits a :mellow:

eta2* From the quickest of quick Wiki searches. I mean, ####, do you guys ever read before you post, or do you just ####### blather blather blather until your own prejudices are confirmed in your own head? Just read about second and third wave feminism. God knows I spent every night in bed for a year and a half listening to it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_feminism#Sexual_politics
my first reaction to this post was to post a laughing smiley face...
Sounds about par for the course. Heaven forbid one should have studied and read about it before commenting derisively.

 
The real lesson for men on this one is: don't marry a quasi feminist prude. Find a chick that likes sex as equally as you do who isn't hung up on "womens issues"
tommyboy tries out a talking point.
Eh, there are still Victorian feminists out there, but they got replaced with the much more effectively seductive "#### me" feminism of Madonna and other pop culture icons and intellectuals, including Paglia. But tommyboy isn't totally off. The anti-PIV movement started by MacKinnon and company, while fringe, is still required reading in many college women's studies courses. One can't help but at least be shaped by the attendant ideas presented by more radical strains of feminist ideology. The intellectual legacy of 70's feminism still remains in our consciousness, and it's not fair to decry it as a mere "talking point."
:lmao:
I love how the new left-wing thing on the board is just to post a smiley face instead of address the argument.

What do you know about the history of the feminist movement, fatness? Please enlighten me.

Because I've actually studied it.

eta* You know what? Forget it. Don't even bother responding. I'm sure it's a typical left-wing talking point, as always from you, that merits a :mellow:

eta2* From the quickest of quick Wiki searches. I mean, ####, do you guys ever read before you post, or do you just ####### blather blather blather until your own prejudices are confirmed in your own head? Just read about second and third wave feminism. God knows I spent every night in bed for a year and a half listening to it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_feminism#Sexual_politics
my first reaction to this post was to post a laughing smiley face...
Sounds about par for the course. Heaven forbid one should have studied and read about it before commenting derisively.
I just thought it was funny how worked up you were getting. The line breaks for each new sentence were a nice touch.

 
I find it funny that a bunch of guys here did the very same thing tracking dots
Can you enlighten me about this?
A number of people tracked how many times they had sex with their wives using a colored dot system and then updated the rest of the board with their totals. Pretty weird if you ask me.
Different colors track different sex acts I presume?

I think its pretty weird, or at least just uninteresting to me

 
The real lesson for men on this one is: don't marry a quasi feminist prude. Find a chick that likes sex as equally as you do who isn't hung up on "womens issues"
tommyboy tries out a talking point.
Eh, there are still Victorian feminists out there, but they got replaced with the much more effectively seductive "#### me" feminism of Madonna and other pop culture icons and intellectuals, including Paglia. But tommyboy isn't totally off. The anti-PIV movement started by MacKinnon and company, while fringe, is still required reading in many college women's studies courses. One can't help but at least be shaped by the attendant ideas presented by more radical strains of feminist ideology. The intellectual legacy of 70's feminism still remains in our consciousness, and it's not fair to decry it as a mere "talking point."
:lmao:
I love how the new left-wing thing on the board is just to post a smiley face instead of address the argument.

What do you know about the history of the feminist movement, fatness? Please enlighten me.

Because I've actually studied it.

eta* You know what? Forget it. Don't even bother responding. I'm sure it's a typical left-wing talking point, as always from you, that merits a :mellow:

eta2* From the quickest of quick Wiki searches. I mean, ####, do you guys ever read before you post, or do you just ####### blather blather blather until your own prejudices are confirmed in your own head? Just read about second and third wave feminism. God knows I spent every night in bed for a year and a half listening to it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_feminism#Sexual_politics
my first reaction to this post was to post a laughing smiley face...
Sounds about par for the course. Heaven forbid one should have studied and read about it before commenting derisively.
I just thought it was funny how worked up you were getting. The line breaks for each new sentence were a nice touch.
I think he does have a point though and I can understand why he got worked up

 
The real lesson for men on this one is: don't marry a quasi feminist prude. Find a chick that likes sex as equally as you do who isn't hung up on "womens issues"
tommyboy tries out a talking point.
Eh, there are still Victorian feminists out there, but they got replaced with the much more effectively seductive "#### me" feminism of Madonna and other pop culture icons and intellectuals, including Paglia. But tommyboy isn't totally off. The anti-PIV movement started by MacKinnon and company, while fringe, is still required reading in many college women's studies courses. One can't help but at least be shaped by the attendant ideas presented by more radical strains of feminist ideology. The intellectual legacy of 70's feminism still remains in our consciousness, and it's not fair to decry it as a mere "talking point."
:lmao:
I love how the new left-wing thing on the board is just to post a smiley face instead of address the argument.

What do you know about the history of the feminist movement, fatness? Please enlighten me.

Because I've actually studied it.

eta* You know what? Forget it. Don't even bother responding. I'm sure it's a typical left-wing talking point, as always from you, that merits a :mellow:

eta2* From the quickest of quick Wiki searches. I mean, ####, do you guys ever read before you post, or do you just ####### blather blather blather until your own prejudices are confirmed in your own head? Just read about second and third wave feminism. God knows I spent every night in bed for a year and a half listening to it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_feminism#Sexual_politics
my first reaction to this post was to post a laughing smiley face...
Sounds about par for the course. Heaven forbid one should have studied and read about it before commenting derisively.
I just thought it was funny how worked up you were getting. The line breaks for each new sentence were a nice touch.
Yeah, that was pretty stupidly worked up on my end. I admit. I get that way. The line breaks are like paragraphs to me. It's how I, um, internet.

eta* In response to MC's last point, it is annoying when you've sort of put effort into something cogent and valid and it's met with no comment, but emoticon ridicule.

 
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I find it funny that a bunch of guys here did the very same thing tracking dots
Can you enlighten me about this?
A number of people tracked how many times they had sex with their wives using a colored dot system and then updated the rest of the board with their totals. Pretty weird if you ask me.
I thought it was pretty funny and in many ways a decent basis of information if it was truthful.

We have a twisted sense of marriage in this country for the most part. The "wife isn't giving the husband sex," line is pretty much ingrained into our society. Men always want more and for the most part the wives don't. There are a ton of things that go into that, but it's a general stereotype that has enough truth behind it to be given some deference.

I don't think wives have any clue how to be wives and what should and is acceptable in the marriage relationship. Generally speaking. And conversly, I'm willing to be that most husbands have a completely unrealistic view of a sex life based on the pornographic tendencies of our culture and the infalting of certain acts. In the end, I think we all think we know what we are doing and we don't.

I've quoted it before - Annie Hall - wife says they have sex all the time, 3 days a week. Husband says they hardly ever have sex, 3 days a week. There is a cognitive disconnect in that. And one of the massive problems is the baseline being started from. It seems like almost all wives and even most husbands at this point think that sex in a marriage starts from a "no go" and needs to be chased or asked for or something affirmative done to get that red light to yellow or green. When in fact, the baseline should be always green. Every night. The fallback for a married couple should be, we are having sex of some form tonight, and the nights you don't should be the exception, not the rule.

If we start from that baseline - that one of the most important parts of marriage is available every day as it should be without hesitation barring injury illness travel, etc - then you start from a good place and can focus on the things that would get in the way from ensuring it happens. A close to perfect marriage isn't when you have to track dots for the nights you have sex, it is when you have to track dots for the nights you don't have sex.

 
I find it funny that a bunch of guys here did the very same thing tracking dots
Can you enlighten me about this?
one poster was curious about how his :pickle: compared with other married couples. He developed a system where he recorded any :pickle: with a dot on a calender, color coded by activity. The thread turned into many FBGs, myself included, updating with their monthly dot counts.
So the only difference between you and the OP is you didnt send your totals to your wife?
no, the difference we only tracked success, not failure.

eta: also, I did tell the wife of the tracking bit and she was on board with tracking it.

 
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I find it funny that a bunch of guys here did the very same thing tracking dots
Can you enlighten me about this?
one poster was curious about how his :pickle: compared with other married couples. He developed a system where he recorded any :pickle: with a dot on a calender, color coded by activity. The thread turned into many FBGs, myself included, updating with their monthly dot counts.
So the only difference between you and the OP is you didnt send your totals to your wife?
no, the difference we only tracked success, not failure.
I dont see a difference. The guy started the thread because he wanted to compare how frequently he was having sex with other married couples. because he didn't think he was getting enough and wanted to verify.

 
There is no formula for sexual compatibility and it changes over time. Hormones, kids, life events and relationship issues all weigh in on frequency.

Seems like the best way to deal with it is to communicate about it. It also seems that the woman in this case chose to take that communication outside the relationship and ignore the message. That is a recipe for disaster and my impression from that is she is a ####. :shrug:
When you say communicate, what do you mean? Do you think she isn't aware that she's turning him down for sex and that it hurts him? Or do you think she just isn't interested in sex with him. Because nothing turns an unattracted woman on more than constantly nagging her for a scrap of sex.
When I say "communicate", I mean have a clear understanding between both people as to what your needs, wants and desires are. Most problems are caused by mismatched expectations because they don't talk about it.

In this example, he attempted to say that he was hurt enough that he was being denied sexual relations. Instead of her explaining why she denies him (maybe he is unaffectionate, doesn't listen, is irritable, not around enough, etc.) she takes to the Internet.

Bottom line is I have no idea why she doesn't put out. More importantly, the husband doesn't know and perhaps they should talk about it.

 
I find it funny that a bunch of guys here did the very same thing tracking dots
Can you enlighten me about this?
one poster was curious about how his :pickle: compared with other married couples. He developed a system where he recorded any :pickle: with a dot on a calender, color coded by activity. The thread turned into many FBGs, myself included, updating with their monthly dot counts.
So the only difference between you and the OP is you didnt send your totals to your wife?
no, the difference we only tracked success, not failure.
I dont see a difference. The guy started the thread because he wanted to compare how frequently he was having sex with other married couples. because he didn't think he was getting enough and wanted to verify.
I hear what you are saying, and frankly I don't have a problem with what the guy in the OP did. I think he went about presenting his findings terribly and completely botched that part of it.

Sex should be an important part of a marriage. If one partner isn't happy, it's on them to communicate their dissatisfaction. If the message isn't getting thru, I don't see a problem with ratcheting things up to illustrate the point. I'd day the message got thru, unfortunately for him I think he have made the problem worse.

 
There is no formula for sexual compatibility and it changes over time. Hormones, kids, life events and relationship issues all weigh in on frequency.

Seems like the best way to deal with it is to communicate about it. It also seems that the woman in this case chose to take that communication outside the relationship and ignore the message. That is a recipe for disaster and my impression from that is she is a ####. :shrug:
When you say communicate, what do you mean? Do you think she isn't aware that she's turning him down for sex and that it hurts him? Or do you think she just isn't interested in sex with him. Because nothing turns an unattracted woman on more than constantly nagging her for a scrap of sex.
When I say "communicate", I mean have a clear understanding between both people as to what your needs, wants and desires are. Most problems are caused by mismatched expectations because they don't talk about it.

In this example, he attempted to say that he was hurt enough that he was being denied sexual relations. Instead of her explaining why she denies him (maybe he is unaffectionate, doesn't listen, is irritable, not around enough, etc.) she takes to the Internet.

Bottom line is I have no idea why she doesn't put out. More importantly, the husband doesn't know and perhaps they should talk about it.
I can agree with that.

 
I find it funny that a bunch of guys here did the very same thing tracking dots
Can you enlighten me about this?
A number of people tracked how many times they had sex with their wives using a colored dot system and then updated the rest of the board with their totals. Pretty weird if you ask me.
I thought it was pretty funny and in many ways a decent basis of information if it was truthful.

We have a twisted sense of marriage in this country for the most part. The "wife isn't giving the husband sex," line is pretty much ingrained into our society. Men always want more and for the most part the wives don't. There are a ton of things that go into that, but it's a general stereotype that has enough truth behind it to be given some deference.

I don't think wives have any clue how to be wives and what should and is acceptable in the marriage relationship. Generally speaking. And conversly, I'm willing to be that most husbands have a completely unrealistic view of a sex life based on the pornographic tendencies of our culture and the infalting of certain acts. In the end, I think we all think we know what we are doing and we don't.

I've quoted it before - Annie Hall - wife says they have sex all the time, 3 days a week. Husband says they hardly ever have sex, 3 days a week. There is a cognitive disconnect in that. And one of the massive problems is the baseline being started from. It seems like almost all wives and even most husbands at this point think that sex in a marriage starts from a "no go" and needs to be chased or asked for or something affirmative done to get that red light to yellow or green. When in fact, the baseline should be always green. Every night. The fallback for a married couple should be, we are having sex of some form tonight, and the nights you don't should be the exception, not the rule.

If we start from that baseline - that one of the most important parts of marriage is available every day as it should be without hesitation barring injury illness travel, etc - then you start from a good place and can focus on the things that would get in the way from ensuring it happens. A close to perfect marriage isn't when you have to track dots for the nights you have sex, it is when you have to track dots for the nights you don't have sex.
Sounds exhausting. :bag:

 
I find it funny that a bunch of guys here did the very same thing tracking dots
Can you enlighten me about this?
A number of people tracked how many times they had sex with their wives using a colored dot system and then updated the rest of the board with their totals. Pretty weird if you ask me.
I thought it was pretty funny and in many ways a decent basis of information if it was truthful.

We have a twisted sense of marriage in this country for the most part. The "wife isn't giving the husband sex," line is pretty much ingrained into our society. Men always want more and for the most part the wives don't. There are a ton of things that go into that, but it's a general stereotype that has enough truth behind it to be given some deference.

I don't think wives have any clue how to be wives and what should and is acceptable in the marriage relationship. Generally speaking. And conversly, I'm willing to be that most husbands have a completely unrealistic view of a sex life based on the pornographic tendencies of our culture and the infalting of certain acts. In the end, I think we all think we know what we are doing and we don't.

I've quoted it before - Annie Hall - wife says they have sex all the time, 3 days a week. Husband says they hardly ever have sex, 3 days a week. There is a cognitive disconnect in that. And one of the massive problems is the baseline being started from. It seems like almost all wives and even most husbands at this point think that sex in a marriage starts from a "no go" and needs to be chased or asked for or something affirmative done to get that red light to yellow or green. When in fact, the baseline should be always green. Every night. The fallback for a married couple should be, we are having sex of some form tonight, and the nights you don't should be the exception, not the rule.

If we start from that baseline - that one of the most important parts of marriage is available every day as it should be without hesitation barring injury illness travel, etc - then you start from a good place and can focus on the things that would get in the way from ensuring it happens. A close to perfect marriage isn't when you have to track dots for the nights you have sex, it is when you have to track dots for the nights you don't have sex.
I'm not sure I agree, and my wife and I definitely have more sex than average (although we've only been married a year+ and no kids, so that could change when circumstances do). Isn't the issue having any sort of expectation or baseline that you feel a need to live up to? If a couple has sex 5 nights a week, it definitely seems like a problem to view those other 2 nights as "failures". And a couple that has sex twice a week but is intimate in other ways on other days should have no less of a "perfect marriage" than people who do it more often but do so out of some sense of obligation.

 
I find it funny that a bunch of guys here did the very same thing tracking dots
Can you enlighten me about this?
A number of people tracked how many times they had sex with their wives using a colored dot system and then updated the rest of the board with their totals. Pretty weird if you ask me.
I thought it was pretty funny and in many ways a decent basis of information if it was truthful.

We have a twisted sense of marriage in this country for the most part. The "wife isn't giving the husband sex," line is pretty much ingrained into our society. Men always want more and for the most part the wives don't. There are a ton of things that go into that, but it's a general stereotype that has enough truth behind it to be given some deference.

I don't think wives have any clue how to be wives and what should and is acceptable in the marriage relationship. Generally speaking. And conversly, I'm willing to be that most husbands have a completely unrealistic view of a sex life based on the pornographic tendencies of our culture and the infalting of certain acts. In the end, I think we all think we know what we are doing and we don't.

I've quoted it before - Annie Hall - wife says they have sex all the time, 3 days a week. Husband says they hardly ever have sex, 3 days a week. There is a cognitive disconnect in that. And one of the massive problems is the baseline being started from. It seems like almost all wives and even most husbands at this point think that sex in a marriage starts from a "no go" and needs to be chased or asked for or something affirmative done to get that red light to yellow or green. When in fact, the baseline should be always green. Every night. The fallback for a married couple should be, we are having sex of some form tonight, and the nights you don't should be the exception, not the rule.

If we start from that baseline - that one of the most important parts of marriage is available every day as it should be without hesitation barring injury illness travel, etc - then you start from a good place and can focus on the things that would get in the way from ensuring it happens. A close to perfect marriage isn't when you have to track dots for the nights you have sex, it is when you have to track dots for the nights you don't have sex.
I'm not sure I agree, and my wife and I definitely have more sex than average (although we've only been married a year+ and no kids, so that could change when circumstances do). Isn't the issue having any sort of expectation or baseline that you feel a need to live up to? If a couple has sex 5 nights a week, it definitely seems like a problem to view those other 2 nights as "failures". And a couple that has sex twice a week but is intimate in other ways on other days should have no less of a "perfect marriage" than people who do it more often but do so out of some sense of obligation.
See this is where I don't agree with all the stuff out there on how to be a better spouse and get more sex and everything that is flying around the internet and books these days. There shouldn't be a negative connentation to "the expectations of marriage." Expectations are very important and are positive things. One expectation of both parties is that they will only use each other for physical pleasure for the rest of their lives. That is in the vows. That is the ideal of a marriage. Having that expectation isn't a bad thing in anyway - it's the nature of the institution.

And you mistake me a little - a no sex night isn't a failure. At all. But it also shouldn't be the expected norm. Almost every marriage in this country would be better if, when sitting around the table in the morning having coffee, the spouses look at each other and go, hey, we didn't have sex last night so we need to make sure we make time for each other tonight (or now if the kids aren't around). Instead, far too often the conversation is the exact opposite and the excuses rain down.

 
MC Gas Money said:
rockaction said:
fatness said:
The real lesson for men on this one is: don't marry a quasi feminist prude. Find a chick that likes sex as equally as you do who isn't hung up on "womens issues"
tommyboy tries out a talking point.
Eh, there are still Victorian feminists out there, but they got replaced with the much more effectively seductive "#### me" feminism of Madonna and other pop culture icons and intellectuals, including Paglia. But tommyboy isn't totally off. The anti-PIV movement started by MacKinnon and company, while fringe, is still required reading in many college women's studies courses. One can't help but at least be shaped by the attendant ideas presented by more radical strains of feminist ideology. The intellectual legacy of 70's feminism still remains in our consciousness, and it's not fair to decry it as a mere "talking point."
:lmao:
I love how the new left-wing thing on the board is just to post a smiley face instead of address the argument.

What do you know about the history of the feminist movement, fatness? Please enlighten me.

Because I've actually studied it.

eta* You know what? Forget it. Don't even bother responding. I'm sure it's a typical left-wing talking point, as always from you, that merits a :mellow:

eta2* From the quickest of quick Wiki searches. I mean, ####, do you guys ever read before you post, or do you just ####### blather blather blather until your own prejudices are confirmed in your own head? Just read about second and third wave feminism. God knows I spent every night in bed for a year and a half listening to it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_feminism#Sexual_politics
The laughing smiley is a left wing thing?

I thought it was just a megadoosh thing
:lmao: Nope. It's a necessary tool to respond to tools.

 
moleculo said:
MC Gas Money said:
shadyridr said:
I find it funny that a bunch of guys here did the very same thing tracking dots
Can you enlighten me about this?
one poster was curious about how his :pickle: compared with other married couples. He developed a system where he recorded any :pickle: with a dot on a calender, color coded by activity. The thread turned into many FBGs, myself included, updating with their monthly dot counts.
I still have the dots up on my white board at work from earlier this year....i really hate my life....

 
I'm digging what Y23F is preaching. How do we make this happen?
It takes work. Be observant, listen, adore and above all be more dominant. Does your wife read romance novels. Or better yet has she read 50 shades of grey or will be interested in watching the movie? Women don't watch porn because it is fake and degrading to women, yet they will read or watch a man take advantage of a woman because he demands it.

 
I'm digging what Y23F is preaching. How do we make this happen?
It takes work. Be observant, listen, adore and above all be more dominant. Does your wife read romance novels. Or better yet has she read 50 shades of grey or will be interested in watching the movie? Women don't watch porn because it is fake and degrading to women, yet they will read or watch a man take advantage of a woman because he demands it.
There also is hardcore porn that is sensual and not rough like most of the stuff. Ive heard this sensual porm appeals to a lot more women than typical pornography available today.

 
Every 10 days? Although there are a few days missing that maybe he didn't even ask for it.

 
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I'm digging what Y23F is preaching. How do we make this happen?
It takes work. Be observant, listen, adore and above all be more dominant. Does your wife read romance novels. Or better yet has she read 50 shades of grey or will be interested in watching the movie? Women don't watch porn because it is fake and degrading to women, yet they will read or watch a man take advantage of a woman because he demands it.
This is good advice. Have her read smut in the context of a love story. Once you get addicted to smut, there is no going back. Our imaginations work better than the visuals men get off on.

 

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