In 2004 I wasn't even thinking about buying in the Bay Area. Met a realtor who told me all about no-money down, interest only mortgages, almost anyone could qualify! So we chatted with a mortgage broker, and sure enough, qualified for $400K 5/1 interest-only ARM. I think they asked how much I made, but didn't ask for proof. Bought a 2-1 condo for $400K that year, with no money down. It was "worth" $500K 18 months later, so we took out home equity to pay credit cards, redo the floors, bathroom, etc. But as time went on and with the $400 HOA dues, we were stretched pretty thin. Then a big storm came in, wiped out the side of the hill on the other side of the complex, red tagging 4 units. Every single owner was hit with an $18K assessment for the repairs. Now we were tapped out on equity, and using credit cards again to cover any unexpected expenses, which were mostly medical with our infant child.
We all know what happened to values in 2007-2009. After peaking at $535K or so (based on comps in the same complex), the value of our place plummeted to under $300K. We now had $465K in debt so were underwater by $165K, and in 2009 the loan adjusted and our monthly payment shot up something like 70%. Even though in that 5 year period I had grown my wages, it wasn't by 70% and there was no way we could afford the mortgages any more. So we walked away and filed bankruptcy, just crushing me personally. It sold at auction two years later (2011) for $207K.
Yes, I know being a living example of The Big Short isn't nearly as likely to happen now as it was before the GFC. But that chance meeting with a realtor on Union St in 2004 took me down the home ownership path, with accompanying decisions I take responsibility for, that led to financial ruin that lasted for 10+ years.
I rented for the next 13 years. I rebuilt my finances, and was able to do so in part because large, unexpected expenses didn't occur and set me back precisely because I was renting. I was able to move easily during a divorce (financial ruin leads to that sooo often), and then again to switch school districts for my kid. The last place I rented they didn't raise my rent for 5 years. A couple of years ago I did finally buy a home again, but I did so knowing I had income to afford the expenses that come with it. And good thing! Three months in our AC went out during a stretch of 100 degree days, there went something like $1000. Two years later a new roof (which we knew was going to be needed going in), there went another $18K. If I wanted to sell now, with the 5% or so closing costs and factoring in my down payment and repair expenses, I'd be up just a couple grand. This is a much more "normal" home ownership experience than my prior one, but shows it's not always the financial no-brainer that some preach. It also speaks to my belief that if you're pretty sure you aren't going to move for 7-10 years, and you can afford the expenses that are absolutely going to come with home ownership, it probably makes sense to buy. But if either of those isn't true, it probably doesn't.
I think the extreme outlier of the 2008 RE crash impacts a lot of people's thinking. Even more so for someone like you that experienced the full nightmare of it all in full techno color.
One thing that is so very important to know and for people to understand is that what happened with RE before, during and after the 2008 crash is very unusual. As I have noted before, most recessions actually see home values increase. It is very counter intuitive for people who are not in RE, heck, even for people inside of RE. I remember, a few years back, the time that I was presented with the data. It amazed me. I assumed, bad economy = bad RE market. The reality is that what happens is that in the recession, interest rates go down and people buy. When people buy, values go up.
Why was 2008 different? Because RE caused the recession. The underlining issues with RE prior to 2008 were massive, varied and complex. The Big Short is a good and entertaining movie that touches on a major issue of what happened but it is far more further rabbit hole than that movie. For the most part, even though I have massive issues with much of the following legislation from that, there was actual some good out of the laws passed that 'fixed' many of those issues to be things that are no longer a concern. A big part of the greed part was taken out after years of massive government and class action lawsuits that hammered banks. Also vastly different, put very simply- many more people from then and much less home building for well over a decade.
As an example of those lawsuits, I remember BofA paying a $17 billion settlement as just one of the payouts that they did a number of years ago. It is a huge reason that usually banks suck at mortgage lending, because they won't want to do it. Commercial lending is much less costly and much more profitable to do (well.... until recently, I think that a lot of the banks are close to getting smacked around with large losses on commercial property lending outside of multi-family lending). Because of regulations, banks basically can't NOT do mortgages, so they do them but only if you basically force them to and they will go ahead and charge you for the privilege of having your mortgage with them. It is a big reason why I went from mostly working for banks in my career and back before 2008 refused several offers to work as a broker even though I would have made MUCH more money. I refused because pretty much almost every broker I knew back then were absolute scum. A worse version of a used car salesman. I just wanted nothing to do with them. Fast forward with 2008 and a number of years later and then I saw the real differences of what brokers were able to do versus banks. It was amazing to me but the roles largely reversed. I am a customer advocate at heart, so I made the jump.
My own 2008 experience is similar in many ways actually if you would believe that. I bought my first property in late 2006. We were in the burbs of Chicago at the time. A friend was selling his condo and my wife worked in the city and I was moving to a position downtown. It made sense. I expected a significant "market correction" but that we would be there longer than it would take to rebound. Since we were not using realtors, my friend saved on the transaction and gave me most of those savings in the pricing. I got a good deal on it and used an 80/20 to buy.... but yes, I underestimated the depth and length of what would happen in the RE market. Not too long after, I lost my job and it became real hard to find another job in the financial industry. I was unemployed or under employed for several years. Finally after getting things going in the right direction again we decided after seeing the deteriorating conditions of living in the city that with our new daughter, we had to move. After reviewing my options, I decided I would walk away from the condo and we bought a home in 2011 which is the same house we live in today. Outside one large large ticket item (a new furnace and AC) about $8K and then a restoration of some drywall damage from leak ($500ish?) I can't think of anything else that would have cost me over $200.... and the things around that would prob total less than $2K over that period of time. Now, we actually pay less a month than we did in 2011 with a refinance (went from 3.25% which I thought I would never get rid of to mid 2%) and have done successful property tax appeals. We took out an equity somewhere along the way which I rolled into the refinance, I want to say that was about $30K. Today, we have about $200K in equity. So, over that period of time we have added to our net worth by $230K being in a actually subdued burbs of Chicago market.
Yes, time is an important factor but you don't need to be in one spot by 7-10 years to make the difference. If you are going to move around one a year, great, rent. If you are going to be in one spot most likely for more than a couple of years, ownership outweighs renting in most situations, in most times for most people. It isn't a no brainer as you there are a lot of variables but the numbers just do not lie. Homeownership is vastly superior to renting... unless you are a landlord and then people renting is the no brainer.