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My Brother's Fiancee (1 Viewer)

Tell him to just run. I have a cousin that is like this. She is 31 been married and divorced 4 times has 5 children. 2 with the 1st husband and 1 with each husband after. I seen her a few years ago at thanksgiving and we were all at the bar the night before and after a few drinks she started telling us how only her 1st child was planned. After that she just decided when she was going to have another child and not inform her bf/husband. She is a miserable person and tries to make others miserable too.

I barely see this cousin and I could write a book about the nasty things she has done, if your brother isn't careful he will have the same problem. 

 
You and your brother need to grow some balls.  You know he is making a mistake and you tell him.  He needs to not let psycho whore run his life.  Whatever happened to being a man?  

 
msudaisy26 said:
Tell him to just run. I have a cousin that is like this. She is 31 been married and divorced 4 times has 5 children. 2 with the 1st husband and 1 with each husband after. I seen her a few years ago at thanksgiving and we were all at the bar the night before and after a few drinks she started telling us how only her 1st child was planned. After that she just decided when she was going to have another child and not inform her bf/husband. She is a miserable person and tries to make others miserable too.

I barely see this cousin and I could write a book about the nasty things she has done, if your brother isn't careful he will have the same problem. 
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Can you tell us some more stories about her?

 
respond normally ... and also remind him not to forget that he owes you $200 for the hooker you guys shared the other night..

 
Not much to tell, well nothing good.  She is a nasty person. She had an affair with her sister's husband that led to a divorce, and that wasn't the 1st or last time she would try to cheat with a family members husband.

She tried to get her 1st husband fired from his job because her dad and him worked at the same place.

Like I mentioned before she would just decide she wanted a baby and would stop taking the pill so she would get pregnant.

She told her 3rd or 4th husband that the previous husband beat her. Obviously he didn't care enough because the next time she seen the ex she gave herself bruises and went crying to him saying that the ex beat her again. 

Just think of all the things a crazy girl would do to either keep her bf/husband, or to make their lives miserable after they left and she has probably done it. 

 
Yikes. 

I couldn't talk a friend of mine out of this situation. Now he's raising two kids from a girl he met when she was waiting tables at Hooters. Pretty sure one of them isn't even his, and that child has mental issues likely due to her drinking and drug use during the pregnancy. He got lucky when she married her coke dealer after the divorce.  He has joint custody only, and she is fighting for full now.  His lawyer gives him a 50/50 shot, and only that because she can't stay clean.

He is not going to learn until it is too late, so if you understand this, why not just go crazy and start advising to him to give her everything?  Maybe he will realize how stupid it is to give this woman every asset he owns or ever will own. 

 
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msudaisy26 said:
Tell him to just run. I have a cousin that is like this. She is 31 been married and divorced 4 times has 5 children. 2 with the 1st husband and 1 with each husband after. I seen her a few years ago at thanksgiving and we were all at the bar the night before and after a few drinks she started telling us how only her 1st child was planned. After that she just decided when she was going to have another child and not inform her bf/husband. She is a miserable person and tries to make others miserable too.

I barely see this cousin and I could write a book about the nasty things she has done, if your brother isn't careful he will have the same problem. 
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Been here, done this. Right after college I "dated" a chick like this. Crazy but phenomenal in bed. First time we ####ed it just "sorta happened" so there was no protection involved. She's riding me on the coach in her house and as I got close I inform her what's about to go down.  She tells me to "just cum in me, I'm on the pill".

Sooooo i do what any red blooded american male would would do with a petite blonde with a gold lined ##### bouncing on his rooster would do. :bag:

Thankfully she was, actually, on the pill. 

Years later I hear through a friend she's on xanax, miserable, on her second marriage (both cops), one kid with each, and is ####### around with another cop. 

I still think back to that day as a serious bullet dodge. 

 
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[icon] said:
Been here, done this. Right after college I "dated" a chick like this. Crazy but phenomenal in bed. First time we ####ed it just "sorta happened" so there was no protection involved. She's riding me on the coach in her house and as I got close I inform her what's about to go down.  She tells me to "just cum in me, I'm on the pill".

Sooooo i do what any red blooded american male would would do with a petite blonde with a gold lined ##### bouncing on his rooster would do. :bag:

Thankfully she was, actually, on the pill. 

Years later I hear through a friend she's on xanax, miserable, on her second marriage (both cops), one kid with each, and is ####### around with another cop. 

I still think back to that day as a serious bullet dodge. 
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First girl I was screwing in college had a baby the following year.  Me then:

https://m.popkey.co/925ff5/Oo04a.gif

 
Spoke with him briefly last night.  He acted as if the email was from him, and asked how quickly a deed could be done.  I laid out for him the many reasons why the deed was a bad idea: legally, bc they aren't married; financially, bc she is not obligated on the note or mortgage; practically, bc if they separate there is no easy way to get her off the deed; and common-sensically, since they very recently had this huge fight about his cheating.  He only objected to the last, saying that thing had been "great" since the blow-out fight.  I pointed out that they were only a month removed from that, and even if that had never happened, the other reasons are all valid.

He said he would think about it and discuss with her (though the email originally said it was going to be a surprise for her), and then asked again how quickly it could be done.  I said the doing takes almost no time, but he should take his time and think this through. 

He called me back in a few minutes and asked if I could answer his email and respond that it can be done quickly, so that he could show it to her :confused:  .  I asked if he wanted me to include my thoughts about why it's a bad idea and he said no, he would take care of that.  So I answered the email and said yes it could be quick, but also said it was a terrible idea.

After thinking about it, I have to assume that this is all her - she sent the original email, pressed him to call me and confirm it could be done soon, and insisted that he get an email back to show that he's working on getting this done.

Yay.

 
DocHolliday said:
You and your brother need to grow some balls.  You know he is making a mistake and you tell him.  He needs to not let psycho whore run his life.  Whatever happened to being a man?  
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As I mentioned, my brother who lives far away took this approach.  Not only did it not work, but now they are not really talking.  I do not want to be estranged from my brother, and I do not think telling him to "grow some balls" or "get away from a psycho whore" will be effective.

 
"sorry, i will not get involved in legal matters with family members. lots of lawyers out there, maybe find another one.  HAGS"

 
Thorn said:
As I mentioned, my brother who lives far away took this approach.  Not only did it not work, but now they are not really talking.  I do not want to be estranged from my brother, and I do not think telling him to "grow some balls" or "get away from a psycho whore" will be effective.
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Same message delivered a little softer?

 
Thorn said:
As I mentioned, my brother who lives far away took this approach.  Not only did it not work, but now they are not really talking.  I do not want to be estranged from my brother, and I do not think telling him to "grow some balls" or "get away from a psycho whore" will be effective.
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Yeah you are put into a tough position and you did the right thing by warning him.  When it comes to actually implementing it I would tell him that you don't want to be involved with family personal business and refer him to someone else.  Maybe that will be enough for him to reconsider

 
msudaisy26 said:
Not much to tell, well nothing good.  She is a nasty person. She had an affair with her sister's husband that led to a divorce, and that wasn't the 1st or last time she would try to cheat with a family members husband.

She tried to get her 1st husband fired from his job because her dad and him worked at the same place.

Like I mentioned before she would just decide she wanted a baby and would stop taking the pill so she would get pregnant.

She told her 3rd or 4th husband that the previous husband beat her. Obviously he didn't care enough because the next time she seen the ex she gave herself bruises and went crying to him saying that the ex beat her again. 

Just think of all the things a crazy girl would do to either keep her bf/husband, or to make their lives miserable after they left and she has probably done it. 
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Is she ruining another guys life at the moment?

 
Thorn said:
He called me back in a few minutes and asked if I could answer his email and respond that it can be done quickly, so that he could show it to her :confused:  .  I asked if he wanted me to include my thoughts about why it's a bad idea and he said no, he would take care of that.  
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oof, based on this he is pretty far gone, sorry GB

 
mr. furley said:
"sorry, i will not get involved in legal matters with family members. lots of lawyers out there, maybe find another one.  HAGS"
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This.

You should absolutely NOT change this deed for him.  If he wants it done, he can find someone who doesn't care about him.  As for not wanting to alienate him... consider that he'll be mad at you for a couple months if you don't do it, and the rest of his life (after it blows up in his face) if you do.  100% chance it will not end well if he goes through with it.

 
As I mentioned, my brother who lives far away took this approach. Not only did it not work, but now they are not really talking. I do not want to be estranged from my brother, and I do not think telling him to "grow some balls" or "get away from a psycho whore" will be effective.
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He's going to become estranged whether you like it or not. The girlfriend is going to become jealous of everything in his life, including his family. Eventually, she WILL demand that he cut ties from his family.

 
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I come out on the side of this:

You're his brother. Help the guy out. He's an adult who can make his own decisions, and if this blows up in his face then that's on him. You've done your due diligence in warning him about the financial aspects of it.

For me, I wouldn't want to lose my brother over a piece of ### he chose. Because at the end of the day, he may need you later. And you don't want to burn that bridge now.

 
Keerock said:
This.

You should absolutely NOT change this deed for him.  If he wants it done, he can find someone who doesn't care about him.  As for not wanting to alienate him... consider that he'll be mad at you for a couple months if you don't do it, and the rest of his life (after it blows up in his face) if you do.  100% chance it will not end well if he goes through with it.
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I think that's where I'm leaning.  I've said what I have to say about the deed.  Though if it blows up I don't see him blaming me.  So I haven't 100% decided not to write up the deed.

I haven't said what I think of her, and I don't think I will.  Just all downside.

 
Joe Summer said:
He's going to become estranged whether you like it or not. The girlfriend is going to become jealous of everything in his life, including his family. Eventually, she WILL demand that she cut ties from his family.
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This is what keeps me up nights.  I'm pretty sure you are correct.

 
Thorn said:
I think that's where I'm leaning.  I've said what I have to say about the deed.  Though if it blows up I don't see him blaming me.  So I haven't 100% decided not to write up the deed.

I haven't said what I think of her, and I don't think I will.  Just all downside.
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If you don't do it for them she will take it as you don't like her and don't approve of the relationship and you will get that wedge regardless. You're kinda stuck here, you told him your peace, he needs to make his own choices like the poster above said. I am assuming he's not some 18-19yo kid.  So that said I'd just do it and hope for the best, its his life...

 
Thorn said:
As I mentioned, my brother who lives far away took this approach.  Not only did it not work, but now they are not really talking.  I do not want to be estranged from my brother, and I do not think telling him to "grow some balls" or "get away from a psycho whore" will be effective.
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You don't tell him to grow a set or call her any negative names.  You do tell him what you see and explain the red flags.  

In a couple of years this woman will have cleaned him out or be caught getting railed by a neighbor or best friend.   The relationship will be over and your brother will come back to you if he did become estranged.  This is the best case scenario.   Worse case is that they start pumping out kids.   Then, bro is miserable for 20 years and you have a dysfunctional family.   

I wish you luck and hope you can save your brother from a huge mistake.  

 
Thorn said:
This is what keeps me up nights.  I'm pretty sure you are correct.
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Not to pretend I know it all, but this highlights why I still think the earlier advice I gave you was spot on.

I think you really need to lay out your concerns to him in a frank, but caring and sensitive way. It probably won't make any difference, but there is a small chance it might. But even if it doesn't, you will know that you did all you could to prevent the inevitable train wreck from occurring. And you care for your brother, so it seems like almost an obligation to try and save him from making a huge mistake, even if the probability that it works is pretty low.

 
Thorn said:
Spoke with him briefly last night.  He acted as if the email was from him, and asked how quickly a deed could be done.  I laid out for him the many reasons why the deed was a bad idea: legally, bc they aren't married; financially, bc she is not obligated on the note or mortgage; practically, bc if they separate there is no easy way to get her off the deed; and common-sensically, since they very recently had this huge fight about his cheating.  He only objected to the last, saying that thing had been "great" since the blow-out fight.  I pointed out that they were only a month removed from that, and even if that had never happened, the other reasons are all valid.

He said he would think about it and discuss with her (though the email originally said it was going to be a surprise for her), and then asked again how quickly it could be done.  I said the doing takes almost no time, but he should take his time and think this through. 

He called me back in a few minutes and asked if I could answer his email and respond that it can be done quickly, so that he could show it to her :confused:  .  I asked if he wanted me to include my thoughts about why it's a bad idea and he said no, he would take care of that.  So I answered the email and said yes it could be quick, but also said it was a terrible idea.

After thinking about it, I have to assume that this is all her - she sent the original email, pressed him to call me and confirm it could be done soon, and insisted that he get an email back to show that he's working on getting this done.

Yay.
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Does anybody else picture this scenario? Thorn Brother gets the phone call, and says, "Hey, Thorn. What's up." Crazy hears who her boyfriend is talking to and gets on her knees and immediately begins servicing Thorn Brother, all the while intently listening to the conversation. She stops mid blow and asks, "But can it be done quickly," and points to the phone to make sure Thorn Brother asks then gets back to polishing the nob. He gives her a nod and she really starts pile driving his dingus. Thorn Brother hangs up, enjoys a very happy ending before Crazy says, "Do you think you could call your brother back and ask him to respond to that email that this can happen quickly so we have it in writing?" Thorn Brother grabs his phone, the goofy grin and far off stare evidence that he is a full on puppet at this point and makes the call. 

Or was that just me?

 
TheFanatic said:
Does anybody else picture this scenario? Thorn Brother gets the phone call, and says, "Hey, Thorn. What's up." Crazy hears who her boyfriend is talking to and gets on her knees and immediately begins servicing Thorn Brother, all the while intently listening to the conversation. She stops mid blow and asks, "But can it be done quickly," and points to the phone to make sure Thorn Brother asks then gets back to polishing the nob. He gives her a nod and she really starts pile driving his dingus. Thorn Brother hangs up, enjoys a very happy ending before Crazy says, "Do you think you could call your brother back and ask him to respond to that email that this can happen quickly so we have it in writing?" Thorn Brother grabs his phone, the goofy grin and far off stare evidence that he is a full on puppet at this point and makes the call. 

Or was that just me?
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Something like that, but in my scenario, instead of getting a hummer, he was getting pegged.

 
TheFanatic said:
Does anybody else picture this scenario? Thorn Brother gets the phone call, and says, "Hey, Thorn. What's up." Crazy hears who her boyfriend is talking to and gets on her knees and immediately begins servicing Thorn Brother, all the while intently listening to the conversation. She stops mid blow and asks, "But can it be done quickly," and points to the phone to make sure Thorn Brother asks then gets back to polishing the nob. He gives her a nod and she really starts pile driving his dingus. Thorn Brother hangs up, enjoys a very happy ending before Crazy says, "Do you think you could call your brother back and ask him to respond to that email that this can happen quickly so we have it in writing?" Thorn Brother grabs his phone, the goofy grin and far off stare evidence that he is a full on puppet at this point and makes the call. 

Or was that just me?
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I finished, regardless.

 
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DocHolliday said:
You don't tell him to grow a set or call her any negative names.  You do tell him what you see and explain the red flags.  

In a couple of years this woman will have cleaned him out or be caught getting railed by a neighbor or best friend.   The relationship will be over and your brother will come back to you if he did become estranged.  This is the best case scenario.   Worse case is that they start pumping out kids.   Then, bro is miserable for 20 years and you have a dysfunctional family.   

I wish you luck and hope you can save your brother from a huge mistake.  
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This, particularly the bolded.

Do NOT personalize your concerns by calling her a psychotic bich and the like.  Actually, don't even say you don't like her.  Instead, focus on the behavior.  Tell him things like:

"This is very controlling behavior.  It is not healthy."

"This is very manipulative behavior.  It is not healthy."

"Healthy relationships don't have this stuff going on.  You don't want to find this out down the road the hard way."

 
ChiefD said:
I come out on the side of this:

You're his brother. Help the guy out. He's an adult who can make his own decisions, and if this blows up in his face then that's on him. You've done your due diligence in warning him about the financial aspects of it.

For me, I wouldn't want to lose my brother over a piece of ### he chose. Because at the end of the day, he may need you later. And you don't want to burn that bridge now.
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That's true, except he doesn't have to provide a piece of the death certificate. I tell my two teens it's all about the decisions they make. There's good and bad, it's your choice. If they wanted something from me that was a bad decision for them, I would not provide it for them. If they still choose to find other means to accomplish it, then that's a life lesson they've hopefully learned. 

 
There is no way in hell I would be performing legal services on this.  You spoke with him, you gave him your honest brotherly opinion.  If he still wants to pursue it, he should find a new attorney.  If you're comfortable recommending someone you trust, go for it.  Just my two cents.

 
Thorn said:
As I mentioned, my brother who lives far away took this approach.  Not only did it not work, but now they are not really talking.  I do not want to be estranged from my brother, and I do not think telling him to "grow some balls" or "get away from a psycho whore" will be effective.
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Have you asked him to explain to you why it is necessary to do this quickly?

 
There is a new case working it's way through the New Jersey court system. 

A single woman added her boyfriend to the deed prior to the planned wedding.  For reasons that aren't made clear in the reports, the marriage did not happen.  However the boyfriend was living in the house and had been enjoying the benefits of the mortgage being paid. 

When the relationship broke she sued him to make the mortgage payments.  Her theory was that he lived there and was paying them prior to the break and should keep paying them because they had an agreement.  He obviously argued he wasn't on the note.

In the middle of the case she stopped paying the mortgage.  The foreclosure names them both.   His credit is destroyed as a result and was forced to file bankruptcy.  The girlfriend filed an adversary proceeding alleging fraudulent inducement and he didn't have the money to fight in federal court and his bankruptcy was dismissed. 

Because it was dismissed and because she is not letting the lawsuit go he is in financial ruin.  He ended up losing his job because he had to go to court so much.

So now adding people to deeds is a problem unless you also add them to the note, which requires bank approval.   The title companies are disclaiming coverage and people are getting screwed.  

His girlfriend is going to be in a world of hurt if he adds her to the deed and this case ends up becoming law. Ahe is basically signing her financial death warrant and will,have almost no ability to stop it from happening.

You could tell him that.  It all sounds perfectly reasonable to a layman.

 
pats3in4 said:
This, particularly the bolded.

Do NOT personalize your concerns by calling her a psychotic bich and the like.  Actually, don't even say you don't like her.  Instead, focus on the behavior.  Tell him things like:

"This is very controlling behavior.  It is not healthy."

"This is very manipulative behavior.  It is not healthy."

"Healthy relationships don't have this stuff going on.  You don't want to find this out down the road the hard way."
Click to expand...
Right. You to him: I have never done this for a couple who are in love and planning to get married. In fact, it's usually just the opposite. I do premarital agreements so that non-marital property stays non-marital property.

 
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