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My girlfriend is close friends with her ex-boyfriend (3 Viewers)

Apple Jack said:
totally depends on the people involved. hard to say without knowing them. but the truth of the matter is ex sex is always on the table.
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Not true. Sometimes it is on the table, but sometimes it is on the floor, on the balcony, etc.

 
At the 6 month mark, you're in a good place to give her a little nudge..."yeah I don't know, I think we could really have something here, but there's a third person in this thing. I feel like I need to give you time to figure out if you want to get back with him or if you think you and I have a chance long-term. Obviously having your ex still in the picture isn't normal, so I need to understand where we really are."

She'll talk to her girlfriends, sisters, mom etc. for advice. They'll tell her to kick the ex to the curb. That article you posted earlier is conventional wisdom for most people IMO. If keeping an ex around works for some people, great, but I would say it's somewhat unusual. Women are good at shooting straight with each other in these matters, even when it means saying she's wrong.

The above approach has the added benefits of showing her you're not a pushover and you will stand up for what you want, and it will be the perfect barometer for her seriousness with you. If she has to keep the ex around despite how you feel, then this isn't going to work. Better to find out now, just 6 months in. You'll only feel like crap for a few weeks, tops, and you can finally be single.

 
Buckfast 1 said:
I've never looked at her phone to see what type of things she texts with her ex-boyfriend, but I would interested to see them and I could easily do so if I wanted without her knowing. But that just feels way too much like the type of thing that my crazy ex would do.

Do you think I should ask her tonight if I could see the texts from her ex-boyfriend, as that might put me more at ease about the nature of their relationship? She has asked to see emails from my ex, and I have showed them to her. If she resists, that is another thing that I think would make me walk.

I'm just kind of on the fence about whether I should ask to see the text messages. It's not something that I would normally do.
Click to expand...
You keep saying she's "one of the most reasonable, logical, honest, principled, etc." people you've ever met, but it doesn't seem to add up IMO. She asked to see your e-mails (which you said feels way too much like the type of thing your crazy ex would do), she maintains a far too close relationship with her ex, she shares custody of a dog, she doesn't "buy" the analogy of what if you had this same type of relationship with your ex, etc.

I'm not suggesting that she's a bad person or anything, just that perhaps you're a bit jaded by the relationship with the crazy ex.

 
Seriously, this relationship is not going to end well for you. Eject while you have have a scrote left.

 
I always love how these threads go - everybody thinks they have the ####### answer and that their opinion is gospel.

Here's my advice - don't listen to anybody in here and do what you want and think is right.

Which means you also shouldn't listen to me - so I have no ####### clue what you should do. Please drag this out to Friday though - but wrap it up by 2pm.

 
No one has any idea what you should do, who you are, who the relevant people are, or the true nature of the issues presented.

Accordingly, one final round of fun in the sack and an ensuing crisp goodbye over e-mail or text sounds like the way to go.

 
Buckfast 1 said:
pollardsvision said:
Also, a little help here, what happened to the PSU contest winner chick? And how does this chick compare?
Click to expand...
I dated the PSU "America's (Second) Hottest College Girl" for 8 years and was married to her for about two years. She was a textbook example of borderline personality disorder. Extreme fear of abandonment, violent outbursts, wild emotional instability, paranoid thoughts/delusional accusations, etc. She was constantly falsely accusing me of having affairs and starting huge fights over nothing. My breaking point eventually came when she came home from a work happy hour drunk and started accusing me of having an affair with my co-counsel with whom I was prepping for trial, at which point she started breaking pictures of us together that were hanging on the wall and then using a large shard of broken glass to slash and stab me repeatedly. I told her to move out the next day and then started the divorce proceedings. We were separated for about a year until the divorce became finalized last August. It feels great to be free from the tyranny of a delusional violent psychopath.
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And into the arms of another one.....

 
humpback said:
Buckfast 1 said:
I've never looked at her phone to see what type of things she texts with her ex-boyfriend, but I would interested to see them and I could easily do so if I wanted without her knowing. But that just feels way too much like the type of thing that my crazy ex would do.

Do you think I should ask her tonight if I could see the texts from her ex-boyfriend, as that might put me more at ease about the nature of their relationship? She has asked to see emails from my ex, and I have showed them to her. If she resists, that is another thing that I think would make me walk.

I'm just kind of on the fence about whether I should ask to see the text messages. It's not something that I would normally do.
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You keep saying she's "one of the most reasonable, logical, honest, principled, etc." people you've ever met, but it doesn't seem to add up IMO. She asked to see your e-mails (which you said feels way too much like the type of thing your crazy ex would do), she maintains a far too close relationship with her ex, she shares custody of a dog, she doesn't "buy" the analogy of what if you had this same type of relationship with your ex, etc.I'm not suggesting that she's a bad person or anything, just that perhaps you're a bit jaded by the relationship with the crazy ex.
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Yeah, but nearly all of that stuff is related to the ongoing friendship with her ex, which is really the one major point of contention in our relationship. As this thread shows, it seems like reasonable people can disagree on the whether it is appropriate to maintain a friendship with an ex. She's really extremely reasonable and logical on most issues. I am hoping that she can be reasonable on this issue as well. It seems like she might be based on her text saying that she understands my position and is willing to listen to what would make me feel comfortable with regard to the ex. I was supposed to go talk to her tonight, but I think that I am going to push it off tonight to give me some more time to think and to let her sweat a little more.

 
Buckfast 1 said:
pollardsvision said:
Also, a little help here, what happened to the PSU contest winner chick? And how does this chick compare?
Click to expand...
I dated the PSU "America's (Second) Hottest College Girl" for 8 years and was married to her for about two years. She was a textbook example of borderline personality disorder. Extreme fear of abandonment, violent outbursts, wild emotional instability, paranoid thoughts/delusional accusations, etc. She was constantly falsely accusing me of having affairs and starting huge fights over nothing. My breaking point eventually came when she came home from a work happy hour drunk and started accusing me of having an affair with my co-counsel with whom I was prepping for trial, at which point she started breaking pictures of us together that were hanging on the wall and then using a large shard of broken glass to slash and stab me repeatedly. I told her to move out the next day and then started the divorce proceedings. We were separated for about a year until the divorce became finalized last August. It feels great to be free from the tyranny of a delusional violent psychopath.
Click to expand...
Good lord, man.....lucky to be alive.

 
Just remember you are the prize. You are a successful lawyer, early 30s, active social life, and are attractive enough to date/marry the 2nd hottest college girl in America. You live in a city full of young, attractive, adventurous girls. There are plenty of options if this current girl doesn't work out.

Figure out what you want for yourself and how/if she fits into that picture. If you want a relationship with her then lay down the rules, which means cutting off contact with her ex, not throwing a birthday celebration for him, and figuring out which one of them gets sole custody of the mutt. If she is over her ex and wants to be with you she will appreciate your directness and confidence. Nothing between you two will develop properly if she has one foot in the past.

It will be good to have this conversation regardless of the outcome because it will open your eyes (and us here) to the true behavior of women. Maybe she doesn't know any better and needs you to show her the way. Maybe she is still in love with the ex and just validating herself with the affections of two guys right now. Maybe she just likes the way you lay the pipe and is using you as a rebound. Who knows?

If this is a fishing trip well played.

Speaking of fishing, if the guy who cheated on his wife with his former college flame with the big knockers is reading this can we get an update?

 
"Him or me" and be able to accept her decision

Claim you saw him banging someone that she can't stand

Anything you do probably won't end well. Tell her it's over, wish her well, then see what happens.Don't give a reason, you've spoken so she'll correctly assume it's him. She may return with him out of her life, the two of them may work things out. You showed her what kind of guy you are, see if she thinks you're worth chasing or not.

 
Bri said:
"Him or me" and be able to accept her decision

Claim you saw him banging someone that she can't stand

Anything you do probably won't end well. Tell her it's over, wish her well, then see what happens.Don't give a reason, you've spoken so she'll correctly assume it's him. She may return with him out of her life, the two of them may work things out. You showed her what kind of guy you are, see if she thinks you're worth chasing or not.
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Someone gives me an ultimatum they lose. Not always a good way to go.

 
Buckfast 1 said:
Otis said:
Pics of PSU?
Click to expand...
I'm not giving that ##### any more air time than she deserves. She is irrelevant now.
Click to expand...
(blows out) this remind me of my friend names Helen van Biscuits. There is mexicaned resterant in my town that have contest. They say whoever make loudest fanny cough will get a year supply of burrito for free. We have known for years that our friend names Helen just love them burritos so qwerts call her up and tell her about the contest. Helen get real excited but there is one problem. she can't make them fanny coughs loud enough. But one thing she do have is a brains.

So she do alotta research. She go to library and get books about intestines. She try eating different food. She try holdin in choclates for weeks. She try stading in diffrent position when making fanny coughs. There is no stones turned. She even have strategy meeitngs with qwerts after work. Qwwerts suggest that maybe he could build tiny microphone that make it sound real loud but she say no. She is very honets and wouldn't feel good about winnin them burritos like that. She was at the end of a road and almost give up when teh break of a lifetime happen. She watching a tv show about archetecture of buildings and they say that sometime if there the right combonation of curves and openings that sounds can become ampflied and things sound real loud. It say they use these technique in some of the most famous auditorium in all of a world.

That night she try all different things that have curves and opening. She lean her fanny on a wall, teh window, she use kitchen items like a whinsk. But nothing work. As last resort she take her fingers and make opening between middle and next finger just like mr sponk (ecept it is alittle curved). She put her hand like that around the ###### and make a cough. Babooms! It is so loud that it set off 3 car alarms on teh street. But maybe she just get lucky? She try one more time and it is even more loud. She look out a window and there is like 6 animal jsut lookin at her. When you fart is loud enough to make a animal curious you know probably gonna win burritos.

So now she is all set. The contest is today at teh retsaraunt and she knows that destiny is in her bowls. She have her technique and pretty soon she gonna eat burrito for free and the world is her oysters. The contest start and the man who own the restaraunt ( it is called la Pringles) take the stage. "Hello to everyones. Today is day of contest and whoever make teh loudest fanny cough win burrito for a year. on behalfs of me and everyone who work at el pringles, welcome and let teh farters begin! Will all contestant please come to stage." It turn out there is only two people in contest. One is Helen van bisquits and the other is some lady names maria pringles (but they say she aint related). Teh owner say "OK, it just you two, who ever is loudest win!"

So Helen go first. She take a few deep breath. She close her eyes so she can really concentrate. Everyone get real quiet (it real packed there). She slowly hold up her hand and seperate her fingers and curve them (an old lady gasp). She turn around slow and take her her fingers and place them around the outside of teh angus. Here we go. She begin and she let out what is probly one of teh loudest noise ever to come out of a body including screams. It sound like part boat horn and part nucleared esplosion. It is breathtaking and it last for almost 20 seconds. When it is done there is total silence esept for one old man who lookin around and pointing to his ears and tellin everyone he think he is now deaf, but people is pretty much ignore him. Eventually helen turn around and one person start clappin, then a few more and soon it is become a standing ovation. "Borava!" one lady scream. another little girl go to teh stage and give helen a bouquet of flower. Helen is touched and a tear come out. Even Maria pringles look impressed. What can she do ecept to tip her hat to one hell of a fanny cough.

So teh claps die down (ecept for that old deaf man but he wife tell him to calm down and they will hearing aid later). So now it is maria turn. Everyone get quiet again and give maria they attention. Maria look around, she bite down real hard and skin on her nose scrunch. She start counting..."one....two....THREE!" She let out her cough and it sound like snores, but it get a little louder and a little louder and then suddenly there is a second noise that going with it and then ....BOOM teh window esplode! People is so confused. Where did that second part of teh cough come from and how did them windows broke? How does she do that? Teh owner of La Pringle take the microphone "We have a winner! It is maria pringles! Her farts is so loud they break them windows and is sound almost like simons and Garf's uncle when it come out. Congratulation to maria and enjoy you burritos!" Maria start jumping up and down and I look at Helen von bicuits and she is devistating. Even people who watching really don't know what happen. They know that helen probably was louder but Maria broke them windows. So if Helen don't break teh windows and maria do, maria must have been louder.

Helen walk down teh stage and she is very upset. She come to us and say that she try her best and we agree. Qwerts say that he was so impressed by what she do and say he now really attracted to her because she is so talent. We agree it best to go home but Helen want to go say thank you to teh owner before she leave. She have so much class that even though she lose she gonna say thank you. Her fanny is real impressive but her character is loudest of all.

So she look around for him and cant find him. She check everywhere and then finally she look through teh door into the kitchen. That is when she see something that change she life forever. She see teh a whole bunch of people dancing around and singing. She see teh owner, he family and Maria pringle is there too. They is throwing people around on chairs like it is jewished wedding. They is all singing and laughing. She hear teh owner say that he so proud of maria pringles and that Maria is a long lost cousin and they rig teh conest so Maria would get them free burritos. It turn out that there were two little boys that threw rocks at teh windows (he give them free taco) when Maria was makin her coughs and teh second, higher pitch noise when Maria was makin her cough was actually teh owner blowing into a special ring he was wearin that make whistles. He time everything just right and with the harmony and teh glass breaking everyone get tricked into believing that Maria was making it all happen but it was all mirage.

Helen is now so mad she burst through the door into the kitchen and everybody who was dancing an laughing stop and look at her. Teh owner say, "Oh, uh, helen, oh, i we sorry that you lose and uh, we..." but helen cut him off. She slowly raise her right and seperate her fingers. Now people are getting real serioused and starting to panic. "No, dont do it helen" maria scream. But helen don't listen. She turn around, put her fingers on teh ######. Me and qwerts have no gone to teh door to watch and helen look over at qwerts and he say to her (real soft) "I love you." and with those words she let out a cough that so loud you cant hear nothin, you could only see teh looks over terror on teh face of teh pringle family. Some bottles of hot sauce start esploding and Maria Pringle get blown against a wall. Some of them beans also esplode and they go into teh owners eyes and I can see him mouthing "i am blind! I blind." She finish and say "you can keep you burritos, from now on I only gonna eat chinesed."

she walk out of teh kitchen and back in the restarant and the people part for her like a red sea. They clappin and pattin her on her shoulders when she walkin by. The old man who went deaf say that teh second farts knock he hearing back and now it is even better than ever. The mayor is there too and he say "I declares today is helen biscuits day." Helen stop and say thank you to everyone and wave. They all wave back but with they fingers a little apart and curve as a sign of respect. Helen tap her heart and show how much that mean to her. She may not have won all them burritos but she won alotta friends and when it is all done and said, burritos go in you and come out but friends stay in you forever.

stu1ds

p and s when i was writin this i think i hear helen make a loud one ...lol

 
NCCommish said:
Bri said:
"Him or me" and be able to accept her decision

Claim you saw him banging someone that she can't stand

Anything you do probably won't end well. Tell her it's over, wish her well, then see what happens.Don't give a reason, you've spoken so she'll correctly assume it's him. She may return with him out of her life, the two of them may work things out. You showed her what kind of guy you are, see if she thinks you're worth chasing or not.
Click to expand...
Someone gives me an ultimatum they lose. Not always a good way to go.
Click to expand...
Yeah I thought the same thing so in the end, I suggested ending it and seeing what would happen.

 
Buckfast 1 said:
pollardsvision said:
Also, a little help here, what happened to the PSU contest winner chick? And how does this chick compare?
Click to expand...
I dated the PSU "America's (Second) Hottest College Girl" for 8 years and was married to her for about two years. She was a textbook example of borderline personality disorder. Extreme fear of abandonment, violent outbursts, wild emotional instability, paranoid thoughts/delusional accusations, etc. She was constantly falsely accusing me of having affairs and starting huge fights over nothing. My breaking point eventually came when she came home from a work happy hour drunk and started accusing me of having an affair with my co-counsel with whom I was prepping for trial, at which point she started breaking pictures of us together that were hanging on the wall and then using a large shard of broken glass to slash and stab me repeatedly. I told her to move out the next day and then started the divorce proceedings. We were separated for about a year until the divorce became finalized last August. It feels great to be free from the tyranny of a delusional violent psychopath.
Click to expand...
sounds like my kind of gal. she still single?

 
It`s one thing to remain friendly with an ex...it's entirely another thing to be friends with your ex and hanging out...having dinner and late night phone calls and texting

where do you think the term ex sex came from?

 
cstu said:
Buckfast 1 said:
Otis said:
Pics of PSU?
Click to expand...
I'm not giving that ##### any more air time than she deserves. She is irrelevant now.
Click to expand...
(blows out) this remind me of my friend names Helen van Biscuits. There is mexicaned resterant in my town that have contest. They say whoever make loudest fanny cough will get a year supply of burrito for free. We have known for years that our friend names Helen just love them burritos so qwerts call her up and tell her about the contest. Helen get real excited but there is one problem. she can't make them fanny coughs loud enough. But one thing she do have is a brains.

So she do alotta research. She go to library and get books about intestines. She try eating different food. She try holdin in choclates for weeks. She try stading in diffrent position when making fanny coughs. There is no stones turned. She even have strategy meeitngs with qwerts after work. Qwwerts suggest that maybe he could build tiny microphone that make it sound real loud but she say no. She is very honets and wouldn't feel good about winnin them burritos like that. She was at the end of a road and almost give up when teh break of a lifetime happen. She watching a tv show about archetecture of buildings and they say that sometime if there the right combonation of curves and openings that sounds can become ampflied and things sound real loud. It say they use these technique in some of the most famous auditorium in all of a world.

That night she try all different things that have curves and opening. She lean her fanny on a wall, teh window, she use kitchen items like a whinsk. But nothing work. As last resort she take her fingers and make opening between middle and next finger just like mr sponk (ecept it is alittle curved). She put her hand like that around the ###### and make a cough. Babooms! It is so loud that it set off 3 car alarms on teh street. But maybe she just get lucky? She try one more time and it is even more loud. She look out a window and there is like 6 animal jsut lookin at her. When you fart is loud enough to make a animal curious you know probably gonna win burritos.

So now she is all set. The contest is today at teh retsaraunt and she knows that destiny is in her bowls. She have her technique and pretty soon she gonna eat burrito for free and the world is her oysters. The contest start and the man who own the restaraunt ( it is called la Pringles) take the stage. "Hello to everyones. Today is day of contest and whoever make teh loudest fanny cough win burrito for a year. on behalfs of me and everyone who work at el pringles, welcome and let teh farters begin! Will all contestant please come to stage." It turn out there is only two people in contest. One is Helen van bisquits and the other is some lady names maria pringles (but they say she aint related). Teh owner say "OK, it just you two, who ever is loudest win!"

So Helen go first. She take a few deep breath. She close her eyes so she can really concentrate. Everyone get real quiet (it real packed there). She slowly hold up her hand and seperate her fingers and curve them (an old lady gasp). She turn around slow and take her her fingers and place them around the outside of teh angus. Here we go. She begin and she let out what is probly one of teh loudest noise ever to come out of a body including screams. It sound like part boat horn and part nucleared esplosion. It is breathtaking and it last for almost 20 seconds. When it is done there is total silence esept for one old man who lookin around and pointing to his ears and tellin everyone he think he is now deaf, but people is pretty much ignore him. Eventually helen turn around and one person start clappin, then a few more and soon it is become a standing ovation. "Borava!" one lady scream. another little girl go to teh stage and give helen a bouquet of flower. Helen is touched and a tear come out. Even Maria pringles look impressed. What can she do ecept to tip her hat to one hell of a fanny cough.

So teh claps die down (ecept for that old deaf man but he wife tell him to calm down and they will hearing aid later). So now it is maria turn. Everyone get quiet again and give maria they attention. Maria look around, she bite down real hard and skin on her nose scrunch. She start counting..."one....two....THREE!" She let out her cough and it sound like snores, but it get a little louder and a little louder and then suddenly there is a second noise that going with it and then ....BOOM teh window esplode! People is so confused. Where did that second part of teh cough come from and how did them windows broke? How does she do that? Teh owner of La Pringle take the microphone "We have a winner! It is maria pringles! Her farts is so loud they break them windows and is sound almost like simons and Garf's uncle when it come out. Congratulation to maria and enjoy you burritos!" Maria start jumping up and down and I look at Helen von bicuits and she is devistating. Even people who watching really don't know what happen. They know that helen probably was louder but Maria broke them windows. So if Helen don't break teh windows and maria do, maria must have been louder.

Helen walk down teh stage and she is very upset. She come to us and say that she try her best and we agree. Qwerts say that he was so impressed by what she do and say he now really attracted to her because she is so talent. We agree it best to go home but Helen want to go say thank you to teh owner before she leave. She have so much class that even though she lose she gonna say thank you. Her fanny is real impressive but her character is loudest of all.

So she look around for him and cant find him. She check everywhere and then finally she look through teh door into the kitchen. That is when she see something that change she life forever. She see teh a whole bunch of people dancing around and singing. She see teh owner, he family and Maria pringle is there too. They is throwing people around on chairs like it is jewished wedding. They is all singing and laughing. She hear teh owner say that he so proud of maria pringles and that Maria is a long lost cousin and they rig teh conest so Maria would get them free burritos. It turn out that there were two little boys that threw rocks at teh windows (he give them free taco) when Maria was makin her coughs and teh second, higher pitch noise when Maria was makin her cough was actually teh owner blowing into a special ring he was wearin that make whistles. He time everything just right and with the harmony and teh glass breaking everyone get tricked into believing that Maria was making it all happen but it was all mirage.

Helen is now so mad she burst through the door into the kitchen and everybody who was dancing an laughing stop and look at her. Teh owner say, "Oh, uh, helen, oh, i we sorry that you lose and uh, we..." but helen cut him off. She slowly raise her right and seperate her fingers. Now people are getting real serioused and starting to panic. "No, dont do it helen" maria scream. But helen don't listen. She turn around, put her fingers on teh ######. Me and qwerts have no gone to teh door to watch and helen look over at qwerts and he say to her (real soft) "I love you." and with those words she let out a cough that so loud you cant hear nothin, you could only see teh looks over terror on teh face of teh pringle family. Some bottles of hot sauce start esploding and Maria Pringle get blown against a wall. Some of them beans also esplode and they go into teh owners eyes and I can see him mouthing "i am blind! I blind." She finish and say "you can keep you burritos, from now on I only gonna eat chinesed."

she walk out of teh kitchen and back in the restarant and the people part for her like a red sea. They clappin and pattin her on her shoulders when she walkin by. The old man who went deaf say that teh second farts knock he hearing back and now it is even better than ever. The mayor is there too and he say "I declares today is helen biscuits day." Helen stop and say thank you to everyone and wave. They all wave back but with they fingers a little apart and curve as a sign of respect. Helen tap her heart and show how much that mean to her. She may not have won all them burritos but she won alotta friends and when it is all done and said, burritos go in you and come out but friends stay in you forever.

stu1ds

p and s when i was writin this i think i hear helen make a loud one ...lol
Click to expand...
thats 3 minutes of my life i`ll never get back

 
BustedKnuckles said:
cstu said:
Buckfast 1 said:
Otis said:
Pics of PSU?
Click to expand...
I'm not giving that ##### any more air time than she deserves. She is irrelevant now.
Click to expand...
(blows out) this remind me of my friend names Helen van Biscuits. There is mexicaned resterant in my town that have contest. They say whoever make loudest fanny cough will get a year supply of burrito for free. We have known for years that our friend names Helen just love them burritos so qwerts call her up and tell her about the contest. Helen get real excited but there is one problem. she can't make them fanny coughs loud enough. But one thing she do have is a brains.

So she do alotta research. She go to library and get books about intestines. She try eating different food. She try holdin in choclates for weeks. She try stading in diffrent position when making fanny coughs. There is no stones turned. She even have strategy meeitngs with qwerts after work. Qwwerts suggest that maybe he could build tiny microphone that make it sound real loud but she say no. She is very honets and wouldn't feel good about winnin them burritos like that. She was at the end of a road and almost give up when teh break of a lifetime happen. She watching a tv show about archetecture of buildings and they say that sometime if there the right combonation of curves and openings that sounds can become ampflied and things sound real loud. It say they use these technique in some of the most famous auditorium in all of a world.

That night she try all different things that have curves and opening. She lean her fanny on a wall, teh window, she use kitchen items like a whinsk. But nothing work. As last resort she take her fingers and make opening between middle and next finger just like mr sponk (ecept it is alittle curved). She put her hand like that around the ###### and make a cough. Babooms! It is so loud that it set off 3 car alarms on teh street. But maybe she just get lucky? She try one more time and it is even more loud. She look out a window and there is like 6 animal jsut lookin at her. When you fart is loud enough to make a animal curious you know probably gonna win burritos.

So now she is all set. The contest is today at teh retsaraunt and she knows that destiny is in her bowls. She have her technique and pretty soon she gonna eat burrito for free and the world is her oysters. The contest start and the man who own the restaraunt ( it is called la Pringles) take the stage. "Hello to everyones. Today is day of contest and whoever make teh loudest fanny cough win burrito for a year. on behalfs of me and everyone who work at el pringles, welcome and let teh farters begin! Will all contestant please come to stage." It turn out there is only two people in contest. One is Helen van bisquits and the other is some lady names maria pringles (but they say she aint related). Teh owner say "OK, it just you two, who ever is loudest win!"

So Helen go first. She take a few deep breath. She close her eyes so she can really concentrate. Everyone get real quiet (it real packed there). She slowly hold up her hand and seperate her fingers and curve them (an old lady gasp). She turn around slow and take her her fingers and place them around the outside of teh angus. Here we go. She begin and she let out what is probly one of teh loudest noise ever to come out of a body including screams. It sound like part boat horn and part nucleared esplosion. It is breathtaking and it last for almost 20 seconds. When it is done there is total silence esept for one old man who lookin around and pointing to his ears and tellin everyone he think he is now deaf, but people is pretty much ignore him. Eventually helen turn around and one person start clappin, then a few more and soon it is become a standing ovation. "Borava!" one lady scream. another little girl go to teh stage and give helen a bouquet of flower. Helen is touched and a tear come out. Even Maria pringles look impressed. What can she do ecept to tip her hat to one hell of a fanny cough.

So teh claps die down (ecept for that old deaf man but he wife tell him to calm down and they will hearing aid later). So now it is maria turn. Everyone get quiet again and give maria they attention. Maria look around, she bite down real hard and skin on her nose scrunch. She start counting..."one....two....THREE!" She let out her cough and it sound like snores, but it get a little louder and a little louder and then suddenly there is a second noise that going with it and then ....BOOM teh window esplode! People is so confused. Where did that second part of teh cough come from and how did them windows broke? How does she do that? Teh owner of La Pringle take the microphone "We have a winner! It is maria pringles! Her farts is so loud they break them windows and is sound almost like simons and Garf's uncle when it come out. Congratulation to maria and enjoy you burritos!" Maria start jumping up and down and I look at Helen von bicuits and she is devistating. Even people who watching really don't know what happen. They know that helen probably was louder but Maria broke them windows. So if Helen don't break teh windows and maria do, maria must have been louder.

Helen walk down teh stage and she is very upset. She come to us and say that she try her best and we agree. Qwerts say that he was so impressed by what she do and say he now really attracted to her because she is so talent. We agree it best to go home but Helen want to go say thank you to teh owner before she leave. She have so much class that even though she lose she gonna say thank you. Her fanny is real impressive but her character is loudest of all.

So she look around for him and cant find him. She check everywhere and then finally she look through teh door into the kitchen. That is when she see something that change she life forever. She see teh a whole bunch of people dancing around and singing. She see teh owner, he family and Maria pringle is there too. They is throwing people around on chairs like it is jewished wedding. They is all singing and laughing. She hear teh owner say that he so proud of maria pringles and that Maria is a long lost cousin and they rig teh conest so Maria would get them free burritos. It turn out that there were two little boys that threw rocks at teh windows (he give them free taco) when Maria was makin her coughs and teh second, higher pitch noise when Maria was makin her cough was actually teh owner blowing into a special ring he was wearin that make whistles. He time everything just right and with the harmony and teh glass breaking everyone get tricked into believing that Maria was making it all happen but it was all mirage.

Helen is now so mad she burst through the door into the kitchen and everybody who was dancing an laughing stop and look at her. Teh owner say, "Oh, uh, helen, oh, i we sorry that you lose and uh, we..." but helen cut him off. She slowly raise her right and seperate her fingers. Now people are getting real serioused and starting to panic. "No, dont do it helen" maria scream. But helen don't listen. She turn around, put her fingers on teh ######. Me and qwerts have no gone to teh door to watch and helen look over at qwerts and he say to her (real soft) "I love you." and with those words she let out a cough that so loud you cant hear nothin, you could only see teh looks over terror on teh face of teh pringle family. Some bottles of hot sauce start esploding and Maria Pringle get blown against a wall. Some of them beans also esplode and they go into teh owners eyes and I can see him mouthing "i am blind! I blind." She finish and say "you can keep you burritos, from now on I only gonna eat chinesed."

she walk out of teh kitchen and back in the restarant and the people part for her like a red sea. They clappin and pattin her on her shoulders when she walkin by. The old man who went deaf say that teh second farts knock he hearing back and now it is even better than ever. The mayor is there too and he say "I declares today is helen biscuits day." Helen stop and say thank you to everyone and wave. They all wave back but with they fingers a little apart and curve as a sign of respect. Helen tap her heart and show how much that mean to her. She may not have won all them burritos but she won alotta friends and when it is all done and said, burritos go in you and come out but friends stay in you forever.

stu1ds

p and s when i was writin this i think i hear helen make a loud one ...lol
Click to expand...
thats 3 minutes of my life i`ll never get back
Click to expand...
That was one of the greatest posts in FFA history.

 
If it hasn't happened yet, it probably will with the ex-sex thing. Much easier to do with no strings attached on either side for him or her. IMO, a matter of time. I can't imagine no matter how nice someone is that she wouldn't cut it down a lot, like the dog thing and maybe a call here and there- but to hang as much as they do, no way.

 
BustedKnuckles said:
cstu said:
Buckfast 1 said:
Otis said:
Pics of PSU?
Click to expand...
I'm not giving that ##### any more air time than she deserves. She is irrelevant now.
Click to expand...
(blows out) this remind me of my friend names Helen van Biscuits. There is mexicaned resterant in my town that have contest. They say whoever make loudest fanny cough will get a year supply of burrito for free. We have known for years that our friend names Helen just love them burritos so qwerts call her up and tell her about the contest. Helen get real excited but there is one problem. she can't make them fanny coughs loud enough. But one thing she do have is a brains.

So she do alotta research. She go to library and get books about intestines. She try eating different food. She try holdin in choclates for weeks. She try stading in diffrent position when making fanny coughs. There is no stones turned. She even have strategy meeitngs with qwerts after work. Qwwerts suggest that maybe he could build tiny microphone that make it sound real loud but she say no. She is very honets and wouldn't feel good about winnin them burritos like that. She was at the end of a road and almost give up when teh break of a lifetime happen. She watching a tv show about archetecture of buildings and they say that sometime if there the right combonation of curves and openings that sounds can become ampflied and things sound real loud. It say they use these technique in some of the most famous auditorium in all of a world.

That night she try all different things that have curves and opening. She lean her fanny on a wall, teh window, she use kitchen items like a whinsk. But nothing work. As last resort she take her fingers and make opening between middle and next finger just like mr sponk (ecept it is alittle curved). She put her hand like that around the ###### and make a cough. Babooms! It is so loud that it set off 3 car alarms on teh street. But maybe she just get lucky? She try one more time and it is even more loud. She look out a window and there is like 6 animal jsut lookin at her. When you fart is loud enough to make a animal curious you know probably gonna win burritos.

So now she is all set. The contest is today at teh retsaraunt and she knows that destiny is in her bowls. She have her technique and pretty soon she gonna eat burrito for free and the world is her oysters. The contest start and the man who own the restaraunt ( it is called la Pringles) take the stage. "Hello to everyones. Today is day of contest and whoever make teh loudest fanny cough win burrito for a year. on behalfs of me and everyone who work at el pringles, welcome and let teh farters begin! Will all contestant please come to stage." It turn out there is only two people in contest. One is Helen van bisquits and the other is some lady names maria pringles (but they say she aint related). Teh owner say "OK, it just you two, who ever is loudest win!"

So Helen go first. She take a few deep breath. She close her eyes so she can really concentrate. Everyone get real quiet (it real packed there). She slowly hold up her hand and seperate her fingers and curve them (an old lady gasp). She turn around slow and take her her fingers and place them around the outside of teh angus. Here we go. She begin and she let out what is probly one of teh loudest noise ever to come out of a body including screams. It sound like part boat horn and part nucleared esplosion. It is breathtaking and it last for almost 20 seconds. When it is done there is total silence esept for one old man who lookin around and pointing to his ears and tellin everyone he think he is now deaf, but people is pretty much ignore him. Eventually helen turn around and one person start clappin, then a few more and soon it is become a standing ovation. "Borava!" one lady scream. another little girl go to teh stage and give helen a bouquet of flower. Helen is touched and a tear come out. Even Maria pringles look impressed. What can she do ecept to tip her hat to one hell of a fanny cough.

So teh claps die down (ecept for that old deaf man but he wife tell him to calm down and they will hearing aid later). So now it is maria turn. Everyone get quiet again and give maria they attention. Maria look around, she bite down real hard and skin on her nose scrunch. She start counting..."one....two....THREE!" She let out her cough and it sound like snores, but it get a little louder and a little louder and then suddenly there is a second noise that going with it and then ....BOOM teh window esplode! People is so confused. Where did that second part of teh cough come from and how did them windows broke? How does she do that? Teh owner of La Pringle take the microphone "We have a winner! It is maria pringles! Her farts is so loud they break them windows and is sound almost like simons and Garf's uncle when it come out. Congratulation to maria and enjoy you burritos!" Maria start jumping up and down and I look at Helen von bicuits and she is devistating. Even people who watching really don't know what happen. They know that helen probably was louder but Maria broke them windows. So if Helen don't break teh windows and maria do, maria must have been louder.

Helen walk down teh stage and she is very upset. She come to us and say that she try her best and we agree. Qwerts say that he was so impressed by what she do and say he now really attracted to her because she is so talent. We agree it best to go home but Helen want to go say thank you to teh owner before she leave. She have so much class that even though she lose she gonna say thank you. Her fanny is real impressive but her character is loudest of all.

So she look around for him and cant find him. She check everywhere and then finally she look through teh door into the kitchen. That is when she see something that change she life forever. She see teh a whole bunch of people dancing around and singing. She see teh owner, he family and Maria pringle is there too. They is throwing people around on chairs like it is jewished wedding. They is all singing and laughing. She hear teh owner say that he so proud of maria pringles and that Maria is a long lost cousin and they rig teh conest so Maria would get them free burritos. It turn out that there were two little boys that threw rocks at teh windows (he give them free taco) when Maria was makin her coughs and teh second, higher pitch noise when Maria was makin her cough was actually teh owner blowing into a special ring he was wearin that make whistles. He time everything just right and with the harmony and teh glass breaking everyone get tricked into believing that Maria was making it all happen but it was all mirage.

Helen is now so mad she burst through the door into the kitchen and everybody who was dancing an laughing stop and look at her. Teh owner say, "Oh, uh, helen, oh, i we sorry that you lose and uh, we..." but helen cut him off. She slowly raise her right and seperate her fingers. Now people are getting real serioused and starting to panic. "No, dont do it helen" maria scream. But helen don't listen. She turn around, put her fingers on teh ######. Me and qwerts have no gone to teh door to watch and helen look over at qwerts and he say to her (real soft) "I love you." and with those words she let out a cough that so loud you cant hear nothin, you could only see teh looks over terror on teh face of teh pringle family. Some bottles of hot sauce start esploding and Maria Pringle get blown against a wall. Some of them beans also esplode and they go into teh owners eyes and I can see him mouthing "i am blind! I blind." She finish and say "you can keep you burritos, from now on I only gonna eat chinesed."

she walk out of teh kitchen and back in the restarant and the people part for her like a red sea. They clappin and pattin her on her shoulders when she walkin by. The old man who went deaf say that teh second farts knock he hearing back and now it is even better than ever. The mayor is there too and he say "I declares today is helen biscuits day." Helen stop and say thank you to everyone and wave. They all wave back but with they fingers a little apart and curve as a sign of respect. Helen tap her heart and show how much that mean to her. She may not have won all them burritos but she won alotta friends and when it is all done and said, burritos go in you and come out but friends stay in you forever.

stu1ds

p and s when i was writin this i think i hear helen make a loud one ...lol
Click to expand...
thats 3 minutes of my life i`ll never get back
Click to expand...
That's what your mother said.

Wait

 
BustedKnuckles said:
cstu said:
Buckfast 1 said:
Otis said:
Pics of PSU?
Click to expand...
I'm not giving that ##### any more air time than she deserves. She is irrelevant now.
Click to expand...
(blows out) this remind me of my friend names Helen van Biscuits. There is mexicaned resterant in my town that have contest. They say whoever make loudest fanny cough will get a year supply of burrito for free. We have known for years that our friend names Helen just love them burritos so qwerts call her up and tell her about the contest. Helen get real excited but there is one problem. she can't make them fanny coughs loud enough. But one thing she do have is a brains.

So she do alotta research. She go to library and get books about intestines. She try eating different food. She try holdin in choclates for weeks. She try stading in diffrent position when making fanny coughs. There is no stones turned. She even have strategy meeitngs with qwerts after work. Qwwerts suggest that maybe he could build tiny microphone that make it sound real loud but she say no. She is very honets and wouldn't feel good about winnin them burritos like that. She was at the end of a road and almost give up when teh break of a lifetime happen. She watching a tv show about archetecture of buildings and they say that sometime if there the right combonation of curves and openings that sounds can become ampflied and things sound real loud. It say they use these technique in some of the most famous auditorium in all of a world.

That night she try all different things that have curves and opening. She lean her fanny on a wall, teh window, she use kitchen items like a whinsk. But nothing work. As last resort she take her fingers and make opening between middle and next finger just like mr sponk (ecept it is alittle curved). She put her hand like that around the ###### and make a cough. Babooms! It is so loud that it set off 3 car alarms on teh street. But maybe she just get lucky? She try one more time and it is even more loud. She look out a window and there is like 6 animal jsut lookin at her. When you fart is loud enough to make a animal curious you know probably gonna win burritos.

So now she is all set. The contest is today at teh retsaraunt and she knows that destiny is in her bowls. She have her technique and pretty soon she gonna eat burrito for free and the world is her oysters. The contest start and the man who own the restaraunt ( it is called la Pringles) take the stage. "Hello to everyones. Today is day of contest and whoever make teh loudest fanny cough win burrito for a year. on behalfs of me and everyone who work at el pringles, welcome and let teh farters begin! Will all contestant please come to stage." It turn out there is only two people in contest. One is Helen van bisquits and the other is some lady names maria pringles (but they say she aint related). Teh owner say "OK, it just you two, who ever is loudest win!"

So Helen go first. She take a few deep breath. She close her eyes so she can really concentrate. Everyone get real quiet (it real packed there). She slowly hold up her hand and seperate her fingers and curve them (an old lady gasp). She turn around slow and take her her fingers and place them around the outside of teh angus. Here we go. She begin and she let out what is probly one of teh loudest noise ever to come out of a body including screams. It sound like part boat horn and part nucleared esplosion. It is breathtaking and it last for almost 20 seconds. When it is done there is total silence esept for one old man who lookin around and pointing to his ears and tellin everyone he think he is now deaf, but people is pretty much ignore him. Eventually helen turn around and one person start clappin, then a few more and soon it is become a standing ovation. "Borava!" one lady scream. another little girl go to teh stage and give helen a bouquet of flower. Helen is touched and a tear come out. Even Maria pringles look impressed. What can she do ecept to tip her hat to one hell of a fanny cough.

So teh claps die down (ecept for that old deaf man but he wife tell him to calm down and they will hearing aid later). So now it is maria turn. Everyone get quiet again and give maria they attention. Maria look around, she bite down real hard and skin on her nose scrunch. She start counting..."one....two....THREE!" She let out her cough and it sound like snores, but it get a little louder and a little louder and then suddenly there is a second noise that going with it and then ....BOOM teh window esplode! People is so confused. Where did that second part of teh cough come from and how did them windows broke? How does she do that? Teh owner of La Pringle take the microphone "We have a winner! It is maria pringles! Her farts is so loud they break them windows and is sound almost like simons and Garf's uncle when it come out. Congratulation to maria and enjoy you burritos!" Maria start jumping up and down and I look at Helen von bicuits and she is devistating. Even people who watching really don't know what happen. They know that helen probably was louder but Maria broke them windows. So if Helen don't break teh windows and maria do, maria must have been louder.

Helen walk down teh stage and she is very upset. She come to us and say that she try her best and we agree. Qwerts say that he was so impressed by what she do and say he now really attracted to her because she is so talent. We agree it best to go home but Helen want to go say thank you to teh owner before she leave. She have so much class that even though she lose she gonna say thank you. Her fanny is real impressive but her character is loudest of all.

So she look around for him and cant find him. She check everywhere and then finally she look through teh door into the kitchen. That is when she see something that change she life forever. She see teh a whole bunch of people dancing around and singing. She see teh owner, he family and Maria pringle is there too. They is throwing people around on chairs like it is jewished wedding. They is all singing and laughing. She hear teh owner say that he so proud of maria pringles and that Maria is a long lost cousin and they rig teh conest so Maria would get them free burritos. It turn out that there were two little boys that threw rocks at teh windows (he give them free taco) when Maria was makin her coughs and teh second, higher pitch noise when Maria was makin her cough was actually teh owner blowing into a special ring he was wearin that make whistles. He time everything just right and with the harmony and teh glass breaking everyone get tricked into believing that Maria was making it all happen but it was all mirage.

Helen is now so mad she burst through the door into the kitchen and everybody who was dancing an laughing stop and look at her. Teh owner say, "Oh, uh, helen, oh, i we sorry that you lose and uh, we..." but helen cut him off. She slowly raise her right and seperate her fingers. Now people are getting real serioused and starting to panic. "No, dont do it helen" maria scream. But helen don't listen. She turn around, put her fingers on teh ######. Me and qwerts have no gone to teh door to watch and helen look over at qwerts and he say to her (real soft) "I love you." and with those words she let out a cough that so loud you cant hear nothin, you could only see teh looks over terror on teh face of teh pringle family. Some bottles of hot sauce start esploding and Maria Pringle get blown against a wall. Some of them beans also esplode and they go into teh owners eyes and I can see him mouthing "i am blind! I blind." She finish and say "you can keep you burritos, from now on I only gonna eat chinesed."

she walk out of teh kitchen and back in the restarant and the people part for her like a red sea. They clappin and pattin her on her shoulders when she walkin by. The old man who went deaf say that teh second farts knock he hearing back and now it is even better than ever. The mayor is there too and he say "I declares today is helen biscuits day." Helen stop and say thank you to everyone and wave. They all wave back but with they fingers a little apart and curve as a sign of respect. Helen tap her heart and show how much that mean to her. She may not have won all them burritos but she won alotta friends and when it is all done and said, burritos go in you and come out but friends stay in you forever.

stu1ds

p and s when i was writin this i think i hear helen make a loud one ...lol
Click to expand...
thats 3 minutes of my life i`ll never get back
Click to expand...
Oh please.

 
ILUVBEER99 said:
Buckfast 1 said:
ILUVBEER99 said:
The dog is ruining things. Take it to a shelter or find someone to take it.
Click to expand...
:lmao: Why do some of you guys hate dogs so much?
Click to expand...
i love dogs, but it's causing too much trouble. just give "custody" to the ex-BF to get that connection between him and your GF out of the way.

The amazing thing about dogs is that you can get a new one and it's pretty much as good or better than the last one.
Click to expand...
I don't get you. We place significantly different values on dogs. But I'm one of the people who would save my dog over a drowning stranger without hesitation. The dog is not going anywhere. And I would never try to prevent her ex-boyfriend from being able to spend time with their dog. I'm not trying to interfere with anyone's man-dog relationship because I sure wouldn't allow another man to do that to me and my golden retriever Tucker. Plus, my girlfriend has never tried to stop me from picking up my dog from my ex, even though her objection would be far more justified than mine.

I think that any potential outcome will still involve the ex-boyfriend picking up their dog occasionally. And I'm totally okay with that.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Buckfast 1 said:
ILUVBEER99 said:
Buckfast 1 said:
ILUVBEER99 said:
The dog is ruining things. Take it to a shelter or find someone to take it.
Click to expand...
:lmao: Why do some of you guys hate dogs so much?
Click to expand...
i love dogs, but it's causing too much trouble. just give "custody" to the ex-BF to get that connection between him and your GF out of the way.

The amazing thing about dogs is that you can get a new one and it's pretty much as good or better than the last one.
Click to expand...
I don't get you. We place significantly different values on dogs. But I'm one of the people who would save my dog over a drowning stranger without hesitation.

The dog is not going anywhere. And I would never try to prevent her ex-boyfriend from being able to spend time with their dog. I'm not trying to interfere with anyone's man-dog relationship because I sure wouldn't allow another man to do that to me and my Golden retriever Tucker. Plus, my girlfriend has not tried to stop me from picking up my golden retriever from my ex.

I think that any potential outcome will still involve the ex-boyfriend picking up their dog occasionally. And I'm totally okay with that.
Click to expand...
####### weird, dude. Have you ever had a dog die? It was horrible, right? The next dog was still totally awesome, right?

A ####### dog is not a reason to stay connected to someone for years and years. It's a pet.

 
Buckfast 1 said:
ILUVBEER99 said:
Buckfast 1 said:
ILUVBEER99 said:
The dog is ruining things. Take it to a shelter or find someone to take it.
Click to expand...
:lmao: Why do some of you guys hate dogs so much?
Click to expand...
i love dogs, but it's causing too much trouble. just give "custody" to the ex-BF to get that connection between him and your GF out of the way.

The amazing thing about dogs is that you can get a new one and it's pretty much as good or better than the last one.
Click to expand...
I don't get you. We place significantly different values on dogs. But I'm one of the people who would save my dog over a drowning stranger without hesitation.The dog is not going anywhere. And I would never try to prevent her ex-boyfriend from being able to spend time with their dog. I'm not trying to interfere with anyone's man-dog relationship because I sure wouldn't allow another man to do that to me and my golden retriever Tucker. Plus, my girlfriend has never tried to stop me from picking up my dog from my ex, even though her objection would be far more justified than mine.

I think that any potential outcome will still involve the ex-boyfriend picking up their dog occasionally. And I'm totally okay with that.
Click to expand...
For your sake I hope the dog dies of natural causes soon.

 
Buckfast 1 said:
A lot of people say this, but we both love our dogs as if they were our children.
Click to expand...
People saying this has become my new pet peeve. Listen guy, I've had a dog and I've had a child. Stop trying to compare the two. You look foolish.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I just don't get it. You're going to stay connected to someone for the entire lifespan of a dog because you got it together? One person gets the dog. The other person gets a new one.

Dogs are great. But it's still just a dog. If you left him on the side of the road tomorrow he'd be some other guy's best friend by Friday, playing fetch and snuffling his balls for no reason. There's nothing special about the connection between a person and a dog, except that we have the mental capacity to delude ourselves into thinking there is. They'd form that bond with anyone who treated them well, fed them, and rubbed the #### out of their bellies. They're dogs.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I don't get what the fuss is about with the dog thing. If you're a real animal lover, it does matter. You not only form attachments to your pet but your pet does with you too. 6 years is a long time. Sure the animal will get over it but if you can keep familiarity in it's life, it's good for him and for you being the owner of the pet for so long. The issue here is the gf and the ex. Forget the dog part. That's not changing, as I think neither is the relationship between gf and the ex either. Buck just needs to come to terms that 6 yrs with someone vs 6 months could very easily slip in sex with the ex no matter how nice/innocent she may be. These home visits alone would be a flag for me to watch out for at least, and dinner? That's the issue here, not the dog.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
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