My secret divorce (1 Viewer)

[SacramentoBob]

Are you going to be forced to pay allimony? Child support? I get the 50/50 custody thing, but unless you both make an identical ammount, wouldn't there be child support to pay?

She isn't going to seek either. We're pretty close in salary anyway.

Sounds like her guilt is letting you get off pretty easy. Congratulations on that.

 

[fantasycurse42]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

 

[The Hank]

If this is serious though, no way I could be intimate again. She's tainted. All I could think about is the other guy banging her, and I'd feel like the biggest chump ever. And I'd assume she's getting a piece every time she's away from the house for more than an hour. Anyone who can regain trust in this kind of scenario, my hat's off to you. I couldn't do it.

This is how I feel. And imagine you also knew that she didn't bother to use protection of any kind. I'm totally disgusted every time I think about it.

But then, the kids.

Kids are the toughest part by far, I'm really sorry sartre

 

[Bonzai]

How do you secretly unmarry someone?

It will be on public record, of course. But we don't expect anyone in our family to be browsing those.

We're not telling our families, and only a couple very close friends will know.

Have you thought about couple's therapy? It can do wonders, seriously.

If you plan on giving it a shot, you MUST do this.

We started that about 10 days after my discovery. Had about 10 sessions, and just this week I started my own (not sure how long that will last). I think they are moderately helpful, though afterwards I usually feel worse.

Have you floated this "secret divorce" idea by the therapist yet?

 

[The Hank]

How old are your kids?

 

[matttyl]

Again, if nothing is changing (still live there, raise kids together, no one knows you did it).....then why are you doing it?

 

[OC Zed]

How do you secretly unmarry someone?

It will be on public record, of course. But we don't expect anyone in our family to be browsing those.

We're not telling our families, and only a couple very close friends will know.

Have you thought about couple's therapy? It can do wonders, seriously.

If you plan on giving it a shot, you MUST do this.

We started that about 10 days after my discovery. Had about 10 sessions, and just this week I started my own (not sure how long that will last). I think they are moderately helpful, though afterwards I usually feel worse.

It generally gets worse before it can get better. You're opening up and dealing with a lot of painful stuff head-on.

ETA: I really think it's great that you're going as a couple and by yourself. You should really encourage her to go on her own too (if she isn't already).

 

[JohnnyU]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

No women is worth that. No way in hell do I go out and look to fight the guy she's sleeping with. It's all on her, not him. Nor would I do anything that would land me in prison either. If I do that, then I'm really the loser. The best thing to do in cases like that is to leave her and give your life a reboot.

 

[The Hank]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

No women is worth that. No way in hell do I go out and look to fight the guy she's sleeping with. It's all on her, not him. Nor would I do anything that would land me in prison either. If I do that, then I'm really the loser. The best thing to do in cases like that is to leave her and give your life a reboot.

This.

 

[fantasycurse42]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

No women is worth that. No way in hell do I go out and look to fight the guy she's sleeping with. It's all on her, not him. Nor would I do anything that would land me in prison either. If I do that, then I'm really the loser. The best thing to do in cases like that is to leave her and give your life a reboot.

Everyone handles anger differently. I'd need to pummel the guy. Banging his wife would make me feel much better too, no shtick.

 

[Jayrod]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

No women is worth that. No way in hell do I go out and look to fight the guy she's sleeping with. It's all on her, not him. Nor would I do anything that would land me in prison either. If I do that, then I'm really the loser. The best thing to do in cases like that is to leave her and give your life a reboot.

But maybe a "men" could be?

NTTAWWT.

 

[sartre]

How do you secretly unmarry someone?

It will be on public record, of course. But we don't expect anyone in our family to be browsing those.

We're not telling our families, and only a couple very close friends will know.

Have you thought about couple's therapy? It can do wonders, seriously.

If you plan on giving it a shot, you MUST do this.

We started that about 10 days after my discovery. Had about 10 sessions, and just this week I started my own (not sure how long that will last). I think they are moderately helpful, though afterwards I usually feel worse.

Have you floated this "secret divorce" idea by the therapist yet?

Yeah he thought it was an awful idea. The therapist I saw solo though, she thought it was good.

 

[sartre]

Again, if nothing is changing (still live there, raise kids together, no one knows you did it).....then why are you doing it?

Dignity.

 

[NutterButter]

Did you notice an improvement in your wife's mood b/c she was getting some side action? If that would cut down on the # of days that my wife is just blah, I'd be all for it. Do as many guys as you need to.

 

[fantasycurse42]

Honestly, you need to go have your own affair. Give her a taste of her own medicine.

 

[avoiding injuries]

First, plenty of marriages are loveless. So what you're doing isn't completely out of the ordinary, except for you actually got the divorce.

Would you ever re-marry her?

You mentioned she didn't wear protection. What else do you know about the affair? Were they friends, co-workers, etc? How long was she cheating? Just one guy?

Good luck. I'd do everything I could for the sake of my kids too. I just don't know what would be the best. If I ever left, I'd probably only get weekends based on friends I've seen go through it. I'd rather see my kids all the time and put up with a bad wife.

 

[sartre]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

No women is worth that. No way in hell do I go out and look to fight the guy she's sleeping with. It's all on her, not him. Nor would I do anything that would land me in prison either. If I do that, then I'm really the loser. The best thing to do in cases like that is to leave her and give your life a reboot.

Everyone handles anger differently. I'd need to pummel the guy. Banging his wife would make me feel much better too, no shtick.

I'm around 40 and while I've been in fights, I never punched someone squarely in the face. If there is a silver lining to this, that desire might be fulfilled if I ever run into him.

But the three of us all work at the same company, and I'm not about to lose my job over it. So it would have to be at a bar or something. I don't know what he looks like either (deliberately don't want to make the visuals any worse than they already are), so the chances are low.

 

[DrJ]

Are you going to be forced to pay allimony? Child support? I get the 50/50 custody thing, but unless you both make an identical ammount, wouldn't there be child support to pay?

She isn't going to seek either. We're pretty close in salary anyway.

Sounds like her guilt is letting you get off pretty easy. Congratulations on that.

Yeah, it sounds like there's a lot of upside to his approach here. He gets the divorce wrapped up while she's in this state of mind rather than when she's scorned and being vindictive. Then he can leave whenever he feels like it. Completely perfect.

 

[The Hank]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

No women is worth that. No way in hell do I go out and look to fight the guy she's sleeping with. It's all on her, not him. Nor would I do anything that would land me in prison either. If I do that, then I'm really the loser. The best thing to do in cases like that is to leave her and give your life a reboot.

Everyone handles anger differently. I'd need to pummel the guy. Banging his wife would make me feel much better too, no shtick.

I'm around 40 and while I've been in fights, I never punched someone squarely in the face. If there is a silver lining to this, that desire might be fulfilled if I ever run into him.

But the three of us all work at the same company, and I'm not about to lose my job over it. So it would have to be at a bar or something. I don't know what he looks like either (deliberately don't want to make the visuals any worse than they already are), so the chances are low.

YIKES

Much worse!

 

[Corporation]

If this is serious though, no way I could be intimate again. She's tainted. All I could think about is the other guy banging her, and I'd feel like the biggest chump ever. And I'd assume she's getting a piece every time she's away from the house for more than an hour. Anyone who can regain trust in this kind of scenario, my hat's off to you. I couldn't do it.

This is how I feel. And imagine you also knew that she didn't bother to use protection of any kind. I'm totally disgusted every time I think about it.

But then, the kids.

Ah, here's the setup for a few months down the road when she's "expecting".

But I enjoy a good fishing trip

 

[matttyl]

Again, if nothing is changing (still live there, raise kids together, no one knows you did it).....then why are you doing it?

Dignity.

But you said you're still be living with her and sleeping with her?

 

[matttyl]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

No women is worth that. No way in hell do I go out and look to fight the guy she's sleeping with. It's all on her, not him. Nor would I do anything that would land me in prison either. If I do that, then I'm really the loser. The best thing to do in cases like that is to leave her and give your life a reboot.

Everyone handles anger differently. I'd need to pummel the guy. Banging his wife would make me feel much better too, no shtick.

I'm around 40 and while I've been in fights, I never punched someone squarely in the face. If there is a silver lining to this, that desire might be fulfilled if I ever run into him.

But the three of us all work at the same company, and I'm not about to lose my job over it. So it would have to be at a bar or something. I don't know what he looks like either (deliberately don't want to make the visuals any worse than they already are), so the chances are low.

Ah, so he 100% knew she was in fact married. Yeah, punch away.

 

[cstu]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

I don't blame the guy. She was likely telling him how unhappy she was and how wonderful he was. Most dudes aren't sleaze balls actively going after happily married women and she's the one to blame.

 

[sartre]

First, plenty of marriages are loveless. So what you're doing isn't completely out of the ordinary, except for you actually got the divorce.

Would you ever re-marry her?

You mentioned she didn't wear protection. What else do you know about the affair? Were they friends, co-workers, etc? How long was she cheating? Just one guy?

Good luck. I'd do everything I could for the sake of my kids too. I just don't know what would be the best. If I ever left, I'd probably only get weekends based on friends I've seen go through it. I'd rather see my kids all the time and put up with a bad wife.

They work on different floors of the same building. She had 3 liasons with him, I found out on the 3rd one.

There's too much backstory to fit in a couple of posts.

We have long had trust issues, and she has a history of promiscuity. But this is the first time I believe that she cheated on me since we were married (8 years, living together 10)

 

[igbomb]

I won't presume to have any clue how I would handle something like this, but I really don't get what you're doing.

If you still live together, act to the rest of the world like you're married, have relation and not see anyone else, what does the divorce accomplish? It's a paperwork exercise.

I wish you nothing but the best, just don't get it.

 

[DrJ]

Again, if nothing is changing (still live there, raise kids together, no one knows you did it).....then why are you doing it?

Dignity.

But you said you're still be living with her and sleeping with her?

For now...but he who laughs last laughs best... She's going to feel pretty dumb when she gave away all of her leverage while our hero keeps his stuff and bangs new strange.

 

[fantasycurse42]

All in favor of pummeling the dude who nails his coworkers wife?

I

 

[sartre]

Again, if nothing is changing (still live there, raise kids together, no one knows you did it).....then why are you doing it?

Dignity.

But you said you're still be living with her and sleeping with her?

Yeah. I can live with her and sleep with her. Promise her a lifetime commitment when she behaved like she did? No, a marriage vow means something to me, even though I am a man of no faith whatsoever.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

No women is worth that. No way in hell do I go out and look to fight the guy she's sleeping with. It's all on her, not him. Nor would I do anything that would land me in prison either. If I do that, then I'm really the loser. The best thing to do in cases like that is to leave her and give your life a reboot.

Everyone handles anger differently. I'd need to pummel the guy. Banging his wife would make me feel much better too, no shtick.

I'm around 40 and while I've been in fights, I never punched someone squarely in the face. If there is a silver lining to this, that desire might be fulfilled if I ever run into him.

Have you tried punching your wife in the face?

 

[Long Ball Larry]

this is a pretty good fishing trip.

 

[fantasycurse42]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

No women is worth that. No way in hell do I go out and look to fight the guy she's sleeping with. It's all on her, not him. Nor would I do anything that would land me in prison either. If I do that, then I'm really the loser. The best thing to do in cases like that is to leave her and give your life a reboot.

Everyone handles anger differently. I'd need to pummel the guy. Banging his wife would make me feel much better too, no shtick.

I'm around 40 and while I've been in fights, I never punched someone squarely in the face. If there is a silver lining to this, that desire might be fulfilled if I ever run into him.

Have you tried punching your wife in the face?

 

[Jayrod]

this is a pretty good fishing trip.

If he's fishing just gut me, clean me and fry me up on the camp fire. :hooked:

 

[McGarnicle]

First, plenty of marriages are loveless. So what you're doing isn't completely out of the ordinary, except for you actually got the divorce.

Would you ever re-marry her?

You mentioned she didn't wear protection. What else do you know about the affair? Were they friends, co-workers, etc? How long was she cheating? Just one guy?

Good luck. I'd do everything I could for the sake of my kids too. I just don't know what would be the best. If I ever left, I'd probably only get weekends based on friends I've seen go through it. I'd rather see my kids all the time and put up with a bad wife.

They work on different floors of the same building. She had 3 liasons with him, I found out on the 3rd one.

There's too much backstory to fit in a couple of posts.

We have long had trust issues, and she has a history of promiscuity. But this is the first time I believe that she cheated on me since we were married (8 years, living together 10)

Don't buy a goat and act surprised when it eats all your prized shrubs.

 

[sartre]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

I don't blame the guy. She was likely telling him how unhappy she was and how wonderful he was. Most dudes aren't sleaze balls actively going after happily married women and she's the one to blame.

Yeah, at the risk of more fishing accusations, the following is also true:

I met her a week before her first wedding. I was the "other guy" with her for a couple months before she got divorced. She painted an awful picture of her first husband. But as the years passed, I learned that he was really a great guy. So I know exactly what she was telling this new guy. I was on that side with her. Of course, there were no kids involved then.

 

[DrJ]

Again, if nothing is changing (still live there, raise kids together, no one knows you did it).....then why are you doing it?

Dignity.

But you said you're still be living with her and sleeping with her?

Yeah. I can live with her and sleep with her. Promise her a lifetime commitment when she behaved like she did? No, a marriage vow means something to me, even though I am a man of no faith whatsoever.

Because this is all part of a bigger plan. There is a bigger plan, right? Otherwise, I'm out...

 

[avoiding injuries]

All in favor of pummeling the dude who nails his coworkers wife?

I

I

 

[cstu]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

No women is worth that. No way in hell do I go out and look to fight the guy she's sleeping with. It's all on her, not him. Nor would I do anything that would land me in prison either. If I do that, then I'm really the loser. The best thing to do in cases like that is to leave her and give your life a reboot.

Everyone handles anger differently. I'd need to pummel the guy. Banging his wife would make me feel much better too, no shtick.

I'm ok with the wife banging idea, but beating him up even though it seems like the thing to do is actually counter-productive. If some guy tried kicking my ### for sleeping with his wife I'd say every thing I could to make him feel worse "She wasn't getting it good enough at home, said you had a small ####, etc. etc."

 

[sartre]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

No women is worth that. No way in hell do I go out and look to fight the guy she's sleeping with. It's all on her, not him. Nor would I do anything that would land me in prison either. If I do that, then I'm really the loser. The best thing to do in cases like that is to leave her and give your life a reboot.

Everyone handles anger differently. I'd need to pummel the guy. Banging his wife would make me feel much better too, no shtick.

I'm around 40 and while I've been in fights, I never punched someone squarely in the face. If there is a silver lining to this, that desire might be fulfilled if I ever run into him.

Have you tried punching your wife in the face?

Pretty sure that would backfire.

 

[matttyl]

Again, if nothing is changing (still live there, raise kids together, no one knows you did it).....then why are you doing it?

Dignity.

But you said you're still be living with her and sleeping with her?

For now...but he who laughs last laughs best... She's going to feel pretty dumb when she gave away all of her leverage while our hero keeps his stuff and bangs new strange.

Ah! See, I never plan out more than 2 steps ahead.

 

[avoiding injuries]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

I don't blame the guy. She was likely telling him how unhappy she was and how wonderful he was. Most dudes aren't sleaze balls actively going after happily married women and she's the one to blame.

Yeah, at the risk of more fishing accusations, the following is also true:

I met her a week before her first wedding. I was the "other guy" with her for a couple months before she got divorced. She painted an awful picture of her first husband. But as the years passed, I learned that he was really a great guy. So I know exactly what she was telling this new guy. I was on that side with her. Of course, there were no kids involved then.

Jimmy, is that you?

 

[fantasycurse42]

First, plenty of marriages are loveless. So what you're doing isn't completely out of the ordinary, except for you actually got the divorce.

Would you ever re-marry her?

You mentioned she didn't wear protection. What else do you know about the affair? Were they friends, co-workers, etc? How long was she cheating? Just one guy?

Good luck. I'd do everything I could for the sake of my kids too. I just don't know what would be the best. If I ever left, I'd probably only get weekends based on friends I've seen go through it. I'd rather see my kids all the time and put up with a bad wife.

They work on different floors of the same building. She had 3 liasons with him, I found out on the 3rd one.

There's too much backstory to fit in a couple of posts.

We have long had trust issues, and she has a history of promiscuity. But this is the first time I believe that she cheated on me since we were married (8 years, living together 10)

Don't buy a goat and act surprised when it eats all your prized shrubs.

Coming from MacG , he puts a healthy spin of humor on your wife nailing a colleague.

He is also spot on here.

 

[cstu]

First, plenty of marriages are loveless. So what you're doing isn't completely out of the ordinary, except for you actually got the divorce.

Would you ever re-marry her?

You mentioned she didn't wear protection. What else do you know about the affair? Were they friends, co-workers, etc? How long was she cheating? Just one guy?

Good luck. I'd do everything I could for the sake of my kids too. I just don't know what would be the best. If I ever left, I'd probably only get weekends based on friends I've seen go through it. I'd rather see my kids all the time and put up with a bad wife.

They work on different floors of the same building. She had 3 liasons with him, I found out on the 3rd one.

There's too much backstory to fit in a couple of posts.

We have long had trust issues, and she has a history of promiscuity. But this is the first time I believe that she cheated on me since we were married (8 years, living together 10)

You can't make a ho a housewife.

 

[fantasycurse42]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

No women is worth that. No way in hell do I go out and look to fight the guy she's sleeping with. It's all on her, not him. Nor would I do anything that would land me in prison either. If I do that, then I'm really the loser. The best thing to do in cases like that is to leave her and give your life a reboot.

Everyone handles anger differently. I'd need to pummel the guy. Banging his wife would make me feel much better too, no shtick.

I'm ok with the wife banging idea, but beating him up even though it seems like the thing to do is actually counter-productive. If some guy tried kicking my ### for sleeping with his wife I'd say every thing I could to make him feel worse "She wasn't getting it good enough at home, said you had a small ####, etc. etc."

& if the dude is 6'4 255 beating you into a coma?

 

[matttyl]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

I don't blame the guy. She was likely telling him how unhappy she was and how wonderful he was. Most dudes aren't sleaze balls actively going after happily married women and she's the one to blame.

Yeah, at the risk of more fishing accusations, the following is also true:

I met her a week before her first wedding. I was the "other guy" with her for a couple months before she got divorced. She painted an awful picture of her first husband. But as the years passed, I learned that he was really a great guy. So I know exactly what she was telling this new guy. I was on that side with her. Of course, there were no kids involved then.

And I'm out. He had me, too......

 

[fantasycurse42]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

I don't blame the guy. She was likely telling him how unhappy she was and how wonderful he was. Most dudes aren't sleaze balls actively going after happily married women and she's the one to blame.

Yeah, at the risk of more fishing accusations, the following is also true:

I met her a week before her first wedding. I was the "other guy" with her for a couple months before she got divorced. She painted an awful picture of her first husband. But as the years passed, I learned that he was really a great guy. So I know exactly what she was telling this new guy. I was on that side with her. Of course, there were no kids involved then.

And I'm out. He had me, too......

 

[Willie Whistle]

OP, are you more upset that your wife had an emotional connection with another guy or that she let another guy really sink his #### in deep?

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

No women is worth that. No way in hell do I go out and look to fight the guy she's sleeping with. It's all on her, not him. Nor would I do anything that would land me in prison either. If I do that, then I'm really the loser. The best thing to do in cases like that is to leave her and give your life a reboot.

Everyone handles anger differently. I'd need to pummel the guy. Banging his wife would make me feel much better too, no shtick.

I'm around 40 and while I've been in fights, I never punched someone squarely in the face. If there is a silver lining to this, that desire might be fulfilled if I ever run into him.

Have you tried punching your wife in the face?

Pretty sure that would backfire.

Your fist would bounce back and hit your own face?

 

[avoiding injuries]

I won't presume to have any clue how I would handle something like this, but I really don't get what you're doing.

If you still live together, act to the rest of the world like you're married, have relation and not see anyone else, what does the divorce accomplish? It's a paperwork exercise.

I wish you nothing but the best, just don't get it.

I totally get it. He can leave if he ever wants with no questions, no strings attached. Plus, divorcing her had to be a small sense of victory. A little pinch in her gut. A modest f-you, you cheating whore.

 

[McGarnicle]

First, plenty of marriages are loveless. So what you're doing isn't completely out of the ordinary, except for you actually got the divorce.

Would you ever re-marry her?

You mentioned she didn't wear protection. What else do you know about the affair? Were they friends, co-workers, etc? How long was she cheating? Just one guy?

Good luck. I'd do everything I could for the sake of my kids too. I just don't know what would be the best. If I ever left, I'd probably only get weekends based on friends I've seen go through it. I'd rather see my kids all the time and put up with a bad wife.

They work on different floors of the same building. She had 3 liasons with him, I found out on the 3rd one.

There's too much backstory to fit in a couple of posts.

We have long had trust issues, and she has a history of promiscuity. But this is the first time I believe that she cheated on me since we were married (8 years, living together 10)

Don't buy a goat and act surprised when it eats all your prized shrubs.

Coming from MacG , he puts a healthy spin of humor on your wife nailing a colleague.

He is also spot on here.

Hard lesson to learn I guess. But whenever I dated a girl who gave it up right away, she immediately went into that "well, this will be fun for a while" category. Then if I had actual knowledge that she was a whore...hate to say it, but I'd treat her like one.

 

[Ned]

I def could never love ever again.

I'd also let her family know what a lying whore she is. Then, I'd prob hunt the dude down... If he knew she was married, he'd prob be in for a #### storm too... If he was married, I'd also go and try to nail his wife.

Sorry about the bad break.

No women is worth that. No way in hell do I go out and look to fight the guy she's sleeping with. It's all on her, not him. Nor would I do anything that would land me in prison either. If I do that, then I'm really the loser. The best thing to do in cases like that is to leave her and give your life a reboot.

Everyone handles anger differently. I'd need to pummel the guy. Banging his wife would make me feel much better too, no shtick.

I'm around 40 and while I've been in fights, I never punched someone squarely in the face. If there is a silver lining to this, that desire might be fulfilled if I ever run into him.

Have you tried punching your wife in the face?