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My son Peter (1 Viewer)

That group of friends sounds really special, and I am constantly impressed by the empathy, consideration, and compassion being shown by young people today.  From sexual orientation acceptance to mental health awareness, these kids seem to go out of their way to understand, connect, and help one another.  It gives me a lot of hope.  Thanks for sharing. 

 
Mookie said:
That group of friends sounds really special, and I am constantly impressed by the empathy, consideration, and compassion being shown by young people today.  From sexual orientation acceptance to mental health awareness, these kids seem to go out of their way to understand, connect, and help one another.  It gives me a lot of hope.  Thanks for sharing. 
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This.

As for Peter, congrats on the college decision!  Such an amazing school.  And with great friends and an absolutely amazing dad, Peter’s future is very bright indeed.  Wishing him all the best in this next chapter.

 
Today Peter had top surgery.  It's a double mascectomy just like they do for women with breast cancer.  When he's all healed his chest will look like a male chest but with two cool scars.

I wouldn't say that I was anxious about it, but it has definitely been something that's been in my mind pretty regularly for the last few weeks.  Part of it is just regular "my kid is having surgery." But I think it also represents really the most dramatic step in his journey so far, physically and symbolically.  I mean, he's literally chopping off his lady parts, that's the scene in the movie when you're like "we get it already!  You're not that clever!"

Anyway, a couple weeks ago I had an interesting conversation with Peter along those lines.  I was like "hey, I know you don't want boobs and all but do you feel weird about that they're, like, removing parts of your body?"  

And he was like "No, they don't really even seem like part of my body.  Sometimes I look at old pictures of myself and I'm like 'woah I had some big ones!' And then I realize, 'wait, I still have some big ones!"

And that explains why today, when we had to leave for surgery at 6:00 a.m., that dude was wide awake with a big grin on his face like we were going to Willie Wonka's factory or something.  He was just really excited that he would be taking care of this now, giving him almost two months to heal before he starts college.  The surgery went great, he's been taking opiods all day but in between naps has been totally happy and chatty and walking around and making jokes with his sister.  

Today was a really special day in Peter's life I'm really glad I got to share it with him.

 
Mrs. Rannous said:
When he's healed, I wonder if he'd like a stylish fitted leather jacket or somesuch.  I'd be up for that.

Please ask.
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Thanks, that's a nice idea but Peter really isn't a leather jacket type.

But along the same lines, my nephew had his bar mitzvah a few weeks ago and we needed to buy Peter something to wear.  He has some men's clothes so we could probably have just bought him a blazer or something and it would have been fine.  But I took the opportunity to buy him a really nice suit.  Like, I spent probably two three times what I was planning to pay but it was totally worth it.  He felt so great strolling up in there looking like a freaking boss.  And it really made an impression on my mom too, because she's only been seeing Peter in T-shirts and jeans since his transition, which was pretty much the same stuff he was wearing before the transition.  She couldn't stop talking about how Peter in the suit looked so masculine and just comfortable with himself and happy and awesome.  

Immediately after the bar mitzvah I dropped him off at a beach house where a bunch of his high school friends were hanging out for a few days but I made sure to keep the suit with me so it wouldn't get trashed.  We're going to my cousin's wedding in August and Peter is psyched because he gets to wear the suit again.  I've never liked wearing a suit and tie before but it's fun to do it with my kid. 

 
fatguyinalittlecoat said:
Thanks, that's a nice idea but Peter really isn't a leather jacket type.

But along the same lines, my nephew had his bar mitzvah a few weeks ago and we needed to buy Peter something to wear.  He has some men's clothes so we could probably have just bought him a blazer or something and it would have been fine.  But I took the opportunity to buy him a really nice suit.  Like, I spent probably two three times what I was planning to pay but it was totally worth it.  He felt so great strolling up in there looking like a freaking boss.  And it really made an impression on my mom too, because she's only been seeing Peter in T-shirts and jeans since his transition, which was pretty much the same stuff he was wearing before the transition.  She couldn't stop talking about how Peter in the suit looked so masculine and just comfortable with himself and happy and awesome.  

Immediately after the bar mitzvah I dropped him off at a beach house where a bunch of his high school friends were hanging out for a few days but I made sure to keep the suit with me so it wouldn't get trashed.  We're going to my cousin's wedding in August and Peter is psyched because he gets to wear the suit again.  I've never liked wearing a suit and tie before but it's fun to do it with my kid. 
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Great update. 

Sometimes the clothes do make the man... #Freedom'21

Make sure the suit jacket is still tailored well after the top surgery. 

 
It's so funny that I just stumbled on this thread, having no idea what it was about. Last night I spoke to my best friend from college. He lives on the opposite end of the country and we don't often get to talk, so it was great catching up. One thing he mentioned was that we would soon be getting a Bat Mitzvah invite for his younger child, but he wanted to give me a heads up (so we weren't confused when we got it) that the child had recently come out as non-binary and they had also changed their name to something less recognizably female.

My friend and his wife are both being very loving and supportive of their child, but he and I also have the kind of relationship where he could tell me, without judgment, about some of the challenges he's had to deal with as a parent (I also felt leeway to ask all the "dumb" questions about changing pronouns and such. You'll notice that in the previous paragraph I said "Bat Mitzvah". That was a whole 'nother subthread of our conversation.)

 
fatguyinalittlecoat said:
Today Peter had top surgery.  It's a double mascectomy just like they do for women with breast cancer.  When he's all healed his chest will look like a male chest but with two cool scars.

I wouldn't say that I was anxious about it, but it has definitely been something that's been in my mind pretty regularly for the last few weeks.  Part of it is just regular "my kid is having surgery." But I think it also represents really the most dramatic step in his journey so far, physically and symbolically.  I mean, he's literally chopping off his lady parts, that's the scene in the movie when you're like "we get it already!  You're not that clever!"

Anyway, a couple weeks ago I had an interesting conversation with Peter along those lines.  I was like "hey, I know you don't want boobs and all but do you feel weird about that they're, like, removing parts of your body?"  

And he was like "No, they don't really even seem like part of my body.  Sometimes I look at old pictures of myself and I'm like 'woah I had some big ones!' And then I realize, 'wait, I still have some big ones!"

And that explains why today, when we had to leave for surgery at 6:00 a.m., that dude was wide awake with a big grin on his face like we were going to Willie Wonka's factory or something.  He was just really excited that he would be taking care of this now, giving him almost two months to heal before he starts college.  The surgery went great, he's been taking opiods all day but in between naps has been totally happy and chatty and walking around and making jokes with his sister.  

Today was a really special day in Peter's life I'm really glad I got to share it with him.
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Glad all went well.  You have a great relationship with your son.

I've been curious why you and many others here refer to him as Peter rather than your son.  Is that just a board/thread thing and in real life you use different language or is it important in this situation to use his new name over son?

 
fatguyinalittlecoat said:
Today Peter had top surgery.  It's a double mascectomy just like they do for women with breast cancer.  When he's all healed his chest will look like a male chest but with two cool scars.

I wouldn't say that I was anxious about it, but it has definitely been something that's been in my mind pretty regularly for the last few weeks.  Part of it is just regular "my kid is having surgery." But I think it also represents really the most dramatic step in his journey so far, physically and symbolically.  I mean, he's literally chopping off his lady parts, that's the scene in the movie when you're like "we get it already!  You're not that clever!"

Anyway, a couple weeks ago I had an interesting conversation with Peter along those lines.  I was like "hey, I know you don't want boobs and all but do you feel weird about that they're, like, removing parts of your body?"  

And he was like "No, they don't really even seem like part of my body.  Sometimes I look at old pictures of myself and I'm like 'woah I had some big ones!' And then I realize, 'wait, I still have some big ones!"

And that explains why today, when we had to leave for surgery at 6:00 a.m., that dude was wide awake with a big grin on his face like we were going to Willie Wonka's factory or something.  He was just really excited that he would be taking care of this now, giving him almost two months to heal before he starts college.  The surgery went great, he's been taking opiods all day but in between naps has been totally happy and chatty and walking around and making jokes with his sister.  

Today was a really special day in Peter's life I'm really glad I got to share it with him.
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Have you and Peter been following Elliott Page? 

I think he recently had top surgery and then posted a topless pic online.

 
BassNBrew said:
Glad all went well.  You have a great relationship with your son.

I've been curious why you and many others here refer to him as Peter rather than your son.  Is that just a board/thread thing and in real life you use different language or is it important in this situation to use his new name over son?
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I hadn’t noticed but I think it’s probably just a board thing.  I put “Peter” in the thread title so that’s just what people are using I guess.

ETA: I’ve thought about it some more and I think my primary instinct is to use a first name whenever I’m speaking with someone that knows the person’s first name.  So changing my answer, not a board thing.

 
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eoMMan said:
Have you and Peter been following Elliott Page? 

I think he recently had top surgery and then posted a topless pic online.
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We had a brief conversation right when Elliot Page came out but I can’t remember us talking about him since.  I didn’t know about the top surgery or topless photo thing until I just read your post.

 
Have been meaning to update this thread.  I dropped off Peter at college more than a week ago, his classes start today.  He is having an awesome time at school.  When I've talked to him he's been like "I went with this friend here, and then I did this thing with these other friends, and then this other group of friends had a party, and then there's also a bunch of other friends but we just hang out and play video games."  He's made more friends in a week than I have in like my entire adult life.  I'm so happy for him.  It also kinda sounds like he also might have a romantic interest but it might have been platonic I'm not sure. 

With respect to trans stuff, so far it doesn't seem like it's been an issue at all.  He has a male roommate and shares a bathroom with the roommate and the two male students with the room next door.  I have no idea whether he has come out to anyone and what the circumstances of that were.  I'm sorta curious but that's really just my own interest, so I'll let Peter tell me that stuff if and when he wants to.  I think he's just excited to be at a place where (virtually)* everyone knows him only as Peter, and just think of him as one of the guys.

*There are two other kids from his high school with him at college but they aren't close friends or anything so I don't expect that they'll be important in his life at college.

 
great news that he's settled in so we'll and so quickly (especially in light of the thread where other freshmen are having a harder time)!

how are you holding up? 

just reading that update made a little nervous tbh...about whether his room-mates know, whether that's even important, whether they'd potentially react in a hostile way...so many questions just as an outsider to the situation. I can't imagine everything you're thinking about.

I will say- listening to my 14yo son and his peers, some who have come out as trans, gay, gender non-binary (still wrapping my brain around that one), their familiarity, natural comfort level and non-judgementalness with everything makes me very happy.

 
Apologies if my terms are wrong

Theory I have that its "easier"/more "accepting"  transition to male vs female?

 
El Floppo said:
how are you holding up? 

just reading that update made a little nervous tbh...about whether his room-mates know, whether that's even important, whether they'd potentially react in a hostile way...so many questions just as an outsider to the situation. I can't imagine everything you're thinking about.
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I’m doing great.  Maybe I’m naive but I honestly don’t think anyone there will react in a hostile way.  If anyone does I think Peter will be able to handle it, he’s a tough kid.

 
belljr said:
Apologies if my terms are wrong

Theory I have that its "easier"/more "accepting"  transition to male vs female?
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I think there might be some truth to that but I don’t know.  I think Peter has had an “easier” transition because he basically acts and looks like a guy, and he’s also a fun extroverted kid that people already liked before he transitioned.  I think it would be tougher for people whose appearance or behavior doesn’t fit neatly into our normal gender expectations.  Also for people that are naturally awkward or have trouble making friends.

 
So Peter's romantic interest, female or male? I'm thinking that will have to be a difficult discussion to have. It's one thing when your friend or roommate comes out to you, it's another when it's the person you have a romantic interest in.

 
SwampDawg said:
So Peter's romantic interest, female or male? I'm thinking that will have to be a difficult discussion to have. It's one thing when your friend or roommate comes out to you, it's another when it's the person you have a romantic interest in.
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Yeah, he's interested in women, I agree it could be tricky. 

I should say that I sorta was jumping to conclusions because Peter didn't actually say he was pursuing this woman romantically.  But "she came to my room and borrowed a book and we're discussing the book together and blah blah blah" sure sounded like it to me.

 
So happy for the update and the good news is welcome - thanks.  I said it earlier, but I would expect most kids Peter's age - at least the ones he wants to have as friends - will respond to his coming out with "Meh, that's cool" and then move on.  It just isn't a big deal to them and they don't get hung up on labels like our generation(s) does.  

 
Peter was home for Thanksgiving so I got to see him for the first time since dropping him off at college in August.  He looks great and it sounds like he's doing awesome socially and emotionally and academically.  I really couldn't be happier about how well things have gone for him.

I'm updating because we had some conversations earlier in the thread about when he would decide to come out to people at college, and in particular, when he would come out to women that he has a romantic interest in.  Up until a few weeks ago he hadn't come out to anybody, all of his friends just assume he's a cis male.

But apparently, unlike his father, he has managed to get something romantic going in his first semester of college.  I haven't pressed him for any sort of details but I guess he's kinda dating someone, I'm not sure how serious it is, we'll call her "D.". 

Anyway, a few weeks ago, as he recognized that this relationship might become romantic, he decided he would need to tell D that he was trans.  So I guess when they were alone one time he was like "I have to tell you something, I'm trans."  And she was like "yeah, I don't care, that's cool."  And then they just kept talking.  But as they spoke Peter realized . . . she thought he was a cis guy that was planning to transition to a woman!  He had to be like "wait, like, I already transitioned!  I was assigned female at birth, I'm not going back!"  And then I guess they had a laugh and she still didn't seem to care and everything is cool as far as I know.

Moral of the story is that if you tell someone you're trans, maybe be more specific.

 
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