Bamboo Bill
Footballguy
Yes, oh great one...we know...you've told us several times. Just like how you're an expert at kickball and camping.
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My wife, she's... overweight. (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Invaded?
- Start date
Yes, oh great one...we know...you've told us several times. Just like how you're an expert at kickball and camping.![[icon]](/data/avatars/m/5/5167.jpg?1660313464){kind=avatar}
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Insoxicated
I guess when confronted with the prospect of risky surgery, or adopting my diet I'd hope I'd have enough self control to choose the latter.Doesn't sound like you understand it at all.I never understood this. Is it THAT hard to say no to that 3rd Big Mac?'uconnalum said:
Sorry...carry on. I just never understood this approach. :(
[icon]
Insoxicated
Maude
Footballguy
Part of the problem too is that there is just way too much food readily available every minute of every day. Add to that the fact that the worst kinds of food are cheaper to produce and cheaper to consume.
If we went back to a hunter/gatherer type of mindset, we all would be much healthier.
To the OP, have you considered starting your own garden? The satisfaction of growing your own food makes it more enjoyable, and whereby it usually tastes better. My wife has started a vegetable and herb garden. We have our own corn tomatoes, peppers, squash, zucchini, carrots, arugula, and many other herbs. We can make our own salsa, salads, and it just tastes better.
And making this happen requires the expenditure of energy, which we could all use.
If we went back to a hunter/gatherer type of mindset, we all would be much healthier.
To the OP, have you considered starting your own garden? The satisfaction of growing your own food makes it more enjoyable, and whereby it usually tastes better. My wife has started a vegetable and herb garden. We have our own corn tomatoes, peppers, squash, zucchini, carrots, arugula, and many other herbs. We can make our own salsa, salads, and it just tastes better.
And making this happen requires the expenditure of energy, which we could all use.
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Insoxicated
Thanks for the vote of confidence, I think. I just get frustrated when I see stuff like this. Lack of communication....people with no self control...etc. Personal issue with it I guess. My useful life in this thread has run it's course (if there ever was one) so I'll respectfully bow out. Sorry guys.
Wrighteous Ray
Footballguy
Even though I don't agree with him on some of the stuff he's said, I don't think [icon] has said anything inappropriate. I'm actually pretty proud of the FFA for keeping this thread relatively judgment-free.
Pabst Blue Ribbon
Footballguy
COOL STORY BRO.Jesus... Every time a thread on here pops up about women and these sorts of things I grow more and more thankful of having the girl I do. The korean descent doesn't hurt but at 5'3" 115lbs she can still fit in her HS Cheerleading outfit and every time she breaks 122 she starts hitting the gym harder. As an upside she is her own worst critic... will openly come out and say "This looks like #### on me doesn't it" and I can say "Yes" (although I'm obviously nice about it) without worrying about it. She will dog me out on certain stuff as needed and I don't have to take offense. I couldn't imagine not being in a relationship where you couldn't just talk about that stuff openly like adults.
Corky
Footballguy
I don't think he's said anything inappropriate. He may be a little rough around the edges and stubborn in attempting to see other's viewpoints...but nothing he's said is inappropriate...
shadyridr
Footballguy
Hes the biggest look at me guy on these boards.I also love the fact that hes giving marital advice yet isnt even married
James Daulton
Footballguy
I think it's more along the lines that he's pretty young and hasn't had to deal with the realities of what hitting mid-30's and having children can do to women. I do think that although he's blunt, he's made more good points than bad. We as a society are lazy and unwilling (generally) to put in the work and restraint it requires to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
Keerock
Footballguy
Woz/LHUCKS/MOP down?
Chaka
Footballguy
I agree with you on the lack of communication but you are oversimplifying by trying to reduce this to a simple matter of willpower/self control. It is far more likely a problem of hormone regulation based upon what is being eaten rather than an issue of how much is being eaten.
shadyridr
Footballguy
I was exaggerating to make a point
Corky
Footballguy
LOOK AT ME! I EXAGGERATE TO MAKE POINTS!!!I was exaggerating to make a point
Actually, my ex was overweight because of laziness rather than selfishness. It carried over in to many other aspects of her life too, which is why she became the ex. I think this is as much the case as perhaps selfishness is. Maybe a bit of both in many instances. I sense some of this in both your and the OP's postings, but I'm obviously not there, and I'm sure you two have a much better feel for that than anyone here does. I do hope you two have more success overcoming it than I did. Unfortunately I reached the point where I knew it was never going to get better, and I wasn't willing to live with it for the rest of my life. So I made the tough choice. Was it the right choice? For me it was. But I realize that doesn't mean it would be the right one for everyone. Every situation, and every couple, is different.
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Insoxicated
Pretty sure I've been with my girl as long or longer than you've been with your wife there chief. The only difference is the slip of paper.
johnnycakes
Footballguy
So all you guys with wives who were thin and attractive and 20 years later need to buy two tickets to fit her on the airplane... you have a Company function where everyone brings their spouses. When you're out of earshot, the guys are laughing about what a heifer you've got for a wife... just remember, you're the new Johnny Sack, and you love her for her inner beauty.
shadyridr
Footballguy
been with my wife since 1996. Your turn
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Insoxicated
Turn 36 next month. GF is 34.
However we've not had kids so I do understand that. I've had very close friends who have shed baby weight, and those who've not. It's pretty obvious who's going to keep it and who is going to lose it within 3 months. Some women hit the gym, eat right, and revert to a healthy lifestyle. Those are the ones who become "hot moms". Then there are the ones who milk it "Oh I'm breastfeeding... I still have to eat for two" (yes I've actually heard that said) and use the "I'm bigger so I get tired faster" excuse....and stay that way. Look... I'm not saying it's easy, but it requires work. If you're not willing to put in the work then it won't happen. Back to the OP, I'm being blunt because other methods seem to have failed. I realize it's more complex with kids.... and I admit I don't have firsthand experience with that dynamic.... but the fact of the matter is what you've tried so far has not worked (though no fault of your own) so it's time to rachet things up. Or, you can just accept your wife as is and try to block it out. I personally couldn't do that. Props to those who can.
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Insoxicated
2001. Close enough to make grade I can assure you. Has your wife lost that weight she was trying to lose? I seem to recall both of you getting pretty big. I know you have had a lot of success lately (props
)... how is she doing?
shadyridr
Footballguy
shes lazy and refuses to put the work in that I did. That being said her weight hasnt been an issue in our marriage.2001. Close enough to make grade I can assure you. Has your wife lost that weight she was trying to lose? I seem to recall both of you getting pretty big. I know you have had a lot of success lately (props
[icon]
Insoxicated
Sounds to me like you're no more qualified to be offering advice in this thread than I am then.
shadyridr
Footballguy
I never offered any marital advice in this threadSounds to me like you're no more qualified to be offering advice in this thread than I am then.
Only weight loss advice which I am more than qualified to answer.
Wrighteous Ray
Footballguy
Yes, this is a good point and one that a lot of people seem to be ignoring. My experience has been that a spouse can do very little.
Deranged Hermit
Not cool & Pissed
When you're that big, yeah, it can be. I was able to finally break that mental barrier after 6 or 7 tries (went from 315 to 185, now at 190), but if I failed that last time, I was going to look at getting the 'band'. To put it in perspective: when I was at my heaviest I would eat 3/4 of a large pizza. I would 6-8 pieces of fried chicken. I would eat two Sausage and egg McMuffins with hash browns. Did I need that much? Of course not. It's all mental, when you're used to eating alot, it's tough to tell youself no.It's still a struggle. I've completely sworn off fast foods since I'm scared I'll slide back into my bad habits. I'll still drive by a Popeye's and think: 'damn, a 3 piece and a biscuit really sounds good'. It's really no different than a alcoholic if you think about it.I never understood this. Is it THAT hard to say no to that 3rd Big Mac?'uconnalum said:
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Maude
Footballguy
Curious as to how many posters here have ever been overweight and then lost a bunch of it. These are the people who have greater insight into the psychological, emotional, and physical aspects of this topic, IMHO.
I am 5'11". In high school, I got up to 250lbs. In college, I lost a bunch of weight and got down to 180-200. I have gotten as low as 170. I am 40 years old now, and I am at 185. I usually fluctuate depending on my current eating habits, but when I reach or approach 200lbs, I get upset and disgusted with myself. And it's usually because I stop exercising for a while and I start eating a bunch of junk. And when I get to that point, I make a conscious decision to eat better and get back to exercising. I simply refuse to ever let myself be fat again.
I am 5'11". In high school, I got up to 250lbs. In college, I lost a bunch of weight and got down to 180-200. I have gotten as low as 170. I am 40 years old now, and I am at 185. I usually fluctuate depending on my current eating habits, but when I reach or approach 200lbs, I get upset and disgusted with myself. And it's usually because I stop exercising for a while and I start eating a bunch of junk. And when I get to that point, I make a conscious decision to eat better and get back to exercising. I simply refuse to ever let myself be fat again.
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Insoxicated
OH trust me... I used to be the same way (thankfully I was active and didn't get TOO big. Approached 250 though). The thing is that once you've found that balance, then there's nothing wrong with dropping in for that 3pc... as long as you're eating healthy most of the rest of the meals that week.When you're that big, yeah, it can be. I was able to finally break that mental barrier after 6 or 7 tries (went from 315 to 185, now at 190), but if I failed that last time, I was going to look at getting the 'band'. To put it in perspective: when I was at my heaviest I would eat 3/4 of a large pizza. I would 6-8 pieces of fried chicken. I would eat two Sausage and egg McMuffins with hash browns. Did I need that much? Of course not. It's all mental, when you're used to eating alot, it's tough to tell youself no.It's still a struggle. I've completely sworn off fast foods since I'm scared I'll slide back into my bad habits. I'll still drive by a Popeye's and think: 'damn, a 3 piece and a biscuit really sounds good'. It's really no different than a alcoholic if you think about it.I never understood this. Is it THAT hard to say no to that 3rd Big Mac?'uconnalum said:
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Dr. Awesome
Footballguy
Hot damn. Impressive weight loss, Maude and Deranged Hermit. Congratulations and kudos.
Invaded? - any chats with the wife yet?
Invaded? - any chats with the wife yet?
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Insoxicated
Deranged Hermit
Not cool & Pissed
Thank you. Oddly enough, one of the things that helped me get through was to keep an on-going thread here. People were really nice about giving me tips and just giving a general 'atta guy' every now and than.
jamny
Footballguy
iamsmilin
I want one, but I'm not creative
I was never the typical skinny Asian girl growing up. Compared to the rest of my cousins, I was the "fat one" and my family was not afraid to tell me so. I never really lost the "baby fat" until after college and weight has and will always be a struggle for me. I had a very poor body image and am only now comfortable with how I look, even if I am not as skinny as I was in my 20s. I'm tempted by things every day and have to make a real effort to stay on track. The one thing that has helped me through the weight fluctuations of having 2 kids is that I know my husband is attracted to me no matter how much I weigh.
Wrighteous Ray
Footballguy
How do you know this?
iamsmilin
I want one, but I'm not creative
He's verbalized it and has never once told me I needed to lose weight. Even before I started my diet after baby #2 he was still trying to bone me every chance he got and still always smacked my ### everytime I walked by.
Wrighteous Ray
Footballguy
Didn't you say you were only like 20 pounds overweight? That seems a far cry from "no matter how much I weigh."ETA: Just looked it up and you said 35 pounds. Try gaining 100 more and see if your husband is still playing grab-###.
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Dr. Awesome
Footballguy
This (probably) isn't true. Love you? Sure. Be attracted to you? I doubt that. Don't get me wrong - most guys don't have an issue with thicker girls or women gaining some weight. But the physical attraction does have its tipping point.Edit - I see Wrighteous Ray is on this already.
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iamsmilin
I want one, but I'm not creative
Umm, no. I was about 30-40 lbs over weight.
Both you and Ray can be as critical as you like. I know how I feel about it and I know how HE acts. So maybe he's just not as shallow as you?This (probably) isn't true. Love you? Sure. Be attracted to you? I doubt that. Don't get me wrong - most guys don't have an issue with thicker girls or women gaining some weight. But the physical attraction does have its tipping point.Edit - I see Wrighteous Ray is on this already.
Wrighteous Ray
Footballguy
You don't know how he would act if you were obese.
iamsmilin
I want one, but I'm not creative
You can pick it apart all you want if it makes you feel better. I'm trying to give the OP some insight, you don't have to like it.
Dr. Awesome
Footballguy
Who in the hell decided what makes various things attractive? So you're attracted to a big ****. Or a fat wallet. Or a nice guy. Or a caring personality. Or a six pack. Or whatever. Who cares? It's what you're attracted to. Good for you. We all prioritize different things. But I'm sick of pretentious jerkoffs having the gall to label everything outside their personal prefernces as being "shallow". Secondly, you're being entirely too defensive. I'm not saying you need to be a model. Most guys aren't. Most guys are also okay with their spouse not being a typical model. There's nothing wrong with being a bit underweight or a bit overweight if you're mostly healthy, comfortable with yourself, and have a spouse who is attracted to you/your body. Attraction levels can vary wildly (Christo/Otis). But everyone has their limits. 30ish pounds may be no problem. 50 pounds might be fine. Gain 100 pounds. Pack on 150 and see if your husband is still sexually attracted to you. Who knows, maybe he likes it. But odds are he won't be as eager for the sexy times. That's just how it goes. There's nothing shallow about it.Umm, no. I was about 30-40 lbs over weight.Both you and Ray can be as critical as you like. I know how I feel about it and I know how HE acts. So maybe he's just not as shallow as you?This (probably) isn't true. Love you? Sure. Be attracted to you? I doubt that. Don't get me wrong - most guys don't have an issue with thicker girls or women gaining some weight. But the physical attraction does have its tipping point.Edit - I see Wrighteous Ray is on this already.
iamsmilin
I want one, but I'm not creative
You know why I get defensive? Because I come into threads like this to help, and give a female opinion and POV. Whenever I state something nice about my husband, I always get people who jump at bashing it or trying to take it apart. I get it, that is what we do here in the FFA. I read so much of the time that men here don't get why we women don't appreciate you guys. I am actually here appreciating mine and it just gets picked apart. BTW, you define what is attractive. I call it shallow if you aren't attracted to your spouse just because she gained 30, 40, 50, 100 lbs but she is the same person. That's me. If you don't think you're shallow, fine but that is how you are coming off.
I don't know how he would act if I gained 100 lbs. I also don't know how he would act if my face got mauled and I looked like two face. Or if I lost all my hair if I went suddenly bald. You never know how someone is going to act in every situation, but I can tell you that I FEEL like he would still love me and be hopefully be attracted to me. Why is that a bad thing?
jwb
Footballguy
Don't see this at all from her.Who in the hell decided what makes various things attractive? So you're attracted to a big ****. Or a fat wallet. Or a nice guy. Or a caring personality. Or a six pack. Or whatever. Who cares? It's what you're attracted to. Good for you. We all prioritize different things. But I'm sick of pretentious jerkoffs having the gall to label everything outside their personal prefernces as being "shallow". Secondly, you're being entirely too defensive. I'm not saying you need to be a model. Most guys aren't. Most guys are also okay with their spouse not being a typical model. There's nothing wrong with being a bit underweight or a bit overweight if you're mostly healthy, comfortable with yourself, and have a spouse who is attracted to you/your body. Attraction levels can vary wildly (Christo/Otis). But everyone has their limits. 30ish pounds may be no problem. 50 pounds might be fine. Gain 100 pounds. Pack on 150 and see if your husband is still sexually attracted to you. Who knows, maybe he likes it. But odds are he won't be as eager for the sexy times. That's just how it goes. There's nothing shallow about it.Umm, no. I was about 30-40 lbs over weight.Both you and Ray can be as critical as you like. I know how I feel about it and I know how HE acts. So maybe he's just not as shallow as you?This (probably) isn't true. Love you? Sure. Be attracted to you? I doubt that. Don't get me wrong - most guys don't have an issue with thicker girls or women gaining some weight. But the physical attraction does have its tipping point.Edit - I see Wrighteous Ray is on this already.
Wrighteous Ray
Footballguy
I'm not trying to come off as confrontational. It's just that I think being 35 pounds overweight for like a year is a completely different universe from what the OP and I and BuddyKnuckles have been talking about.
shadyridr
Footballguy
Dr. Awesome
Footballguy
You keep saying love. I keep mentioning sexual attraction. Loving someone is different from wanting to sleep with them. They often go hand in hand but they're not quite the same thing. A few fbg's with heavyset wives have mentioned in this thread they love their spouse but no longer have much interest in sex. I don't question whether your husband would or wouldn't love you if you packed on 100+ pounds. I do question whether he'd be as sexually attracted to you as if you were about the same weight when the two of you met. Everyone gains some weight as they get older. But at some point the sexual attraction will probably fall off. Whether that comes at 10 pounds or 100 pounds depends on the spouse.
jwb
Footballguy
I think you're very reasonable here. But then again, my wife is about 40lbs over her ideal weight, and it doesn't bother me in the least. This is who she is. I totally get where you are coming from.I know people will say "but what if she gained 150 lbs?" to try and justify their opinion, but that's soooo far out of the realm for us that it's akin to asking me "what if she were paralyzed?"
Wrighteous Ray
Footballguy
I really appreciate your perspective smilin and your husband sounds great. I think the reason Dr. Awesome and I reacted the way we did was because you said "I know my husband is attracted to me no matter how much I weigh." You now seem to have modified that position considerably here, by acknowledging that you don't really know for sure, but that you feel he would still love you and "hopefully" be attracted:
I think there would have been no disagreement had you phrased it this way in the first place.
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