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My wife thinks I have a drinking problem.... (1 Viewer)

KCitons said:
The level doesn't really factor in. The way it makes you child feel is what matters. That was the point I was making. If each time they saw you drinking, no matter how small the amount, it gave them a negative feeling, I would have to think pretty seriously about not drinking in front of them.
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Be a lot easier to think pretty seriously about improving your stealthiness. 

 
KCitons said:
General Malaise said:
Oh, I do.  We have the right to the pursuit of happiness in this country. If my pursuit of happiness is an occasional drink on a weeknight - legal in every state - and my wife is trying to deny me my right, then she is in the wrong, clearly.  Sounds like you would stay with a woman who denies you your rights.  I would not.  Give me liberty or give me divorce.  
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What if it was your kid? Let's say 8-10 years old. They asked you to not drink because they didn't think it was good for you. I'm sure you would have a discussion about the truth, but they didn't like to see you drink. Would you stop then? 

You can't divorce the kid. (at least not after it's born)
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what if it wanst your kid but was in fact the ghost of levi strauss animated from years of death and looking sharp in some of the best looking jeans in heaven and he said forget about the alcohol drink whatever you want but from now on you must wear jorts then what take that to the bank bromigo 

 
SWC said:
what if it wanst your kid but was in fact the ghost of levi strauss
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I absolutely hate your shtick (yes I realize I may be in the minority here) but wow for some reason this made me laugh out loud just sitting by myself. 

 
ghostguy123 said:
SWC said:
what if it wanst your kid but was in fact the ghost of levi strauss
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I absolutely hate your shtick (yes I realize I may be in the minority here) but wow for some reason this made me laugh out loud just sitting by myself.
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im not sure how to take that because i guess it could come across as mean depending on how you read it but i appeciate the complement much obliged and i hope that you have a nice rest of the afternoon take that to the bank broghosto

 
Steeler said:
Are you missing the fact that the OP rarely drinks and that she has never hand a problem with his drinking before?  He is doing what he's always done and expecting the same result.  She has changed that dynamic with the recent blowup.  A conversation about it is warranted, but there is no need for marital brinksmanship about one drink on a random Thursday night.
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That is we really believe the frequency posted here.  Seems kind of random to come out of left field at that level. 

 
Steeler said:
Are you missing the fact that the OP rarely drinks and that she has never hand a problem with his drinking before?  He is doing what he's always done and expecting the same result.  She has changed that dynamic with the recent blowup.  A conversation about it is warranted, but there is no need for marital brinksmanship about one drink on a random Thursday night.
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I agree. This wasn't the sentiment through most of page 1. It was explaining why the OP doesn't have a drinking problem and that the wife needs to just deal with it. (because it could be worse)

 
ghostguy123 said:
Gotta give something to get something.  Seems simple enough.
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Interesting. Seems kind of selfish. Does this apply to all changes, or just the ones you feel are irrational? 

ghostguy123 said:
Say that after she makes you give up everything you like with no legit rationale behind it.  
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There aren't any things that are that important to me. If she wanted me to abandon my kids or kill someone, I would draw the line. But that's not the same as giving up one beer a month. I'm trying to find something that I do, eat, or drink once a month that would apply here, but I can't think of anything. Since it's so infrequent, I wouldn't care.

ghostguy123 said:
Really??
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Did you really want an answer to this? The question was to make a point about doing things for the ones we love unconditionally. For most, kids are usually 100%. Wives can vary. Which is why I asked if it mattered if the kid requested the parent to stop drinking. 

 
General Malaise said:
It's something alcoholics do; it isn't something non-alcoholics should be scared into doing because a spouse is being unreasonable. 
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This is probably a whole other thread discussion. Where is the line between alcoholic and non-alcoholic? Not that I believe the OP falls into the former. But, who decides once that line is crossed?

 
KCitons said:
This is probably a whole other thread discussion. Where is the line between alcoholic and non-alcoholic? Not that I believe the OP falls into the former. But, who decides once that line is crossed?
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The drinker.  

Step one:  Admit you have a problem. 

 
KCitons said:
This is probably a whole other thread discussion. Where is the line between alcoholic and non-alcoholic? Not that I believe the OP falls into the former. But, who decides once that line is crossed?
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Definitely not you or the OPs wife.  The OP can't even see the line with binoculars from where he is.

 
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Highly regulated/functioning alcoholics is a pretty big demographic imo.  I’m probably in this category.   :oldunsure:

 
KCitons said:
Interesting. Seems kind of selfish. Does this apply to all changes, or just the ones you feel are irrational? 

There aren't any things that are that important to me. If she wanted me to abandon my kids or kill someone, I would draw the line. But that's not the same as giving up one beer a month. I'm trying to find something that I do, eat, or drink once a month that would apply here, but I can't think of anything. Since it's so infrequent, I wouldn't care.

Did you really want an answer to this? The question was to make a point about doing things for the ones we love unconditionally. For most, kids are usually 100%. Wives can vary. Which is why I asked if it mattered if the kid requested the parent to stop drinking. 
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- the wife is being equally (if not more) selfish,'

- do you do anything for fun or you just there to serve?

- The question about the kid asking was ridiculous for a laundry list of reasons, most notably the kid has no idea what they are talking about and probably asked because the wife told the kid to ask, not to mention it's VERY possible to have one drink a month without the kid knowing.

 
Bull Dozier said:
How do I tell her to pound sand?

Now, before anyone thinks there might be some slim chance she's right, let me lay out how much I drink and where this conversation started.

My go to drink is a Captian Diet (coke).  I know, not the classiest or coolest, but its what I like.  For Christmas, I received two bottles of Captain, a 500ml and a 750ml.  The 750 hasn't been opened, the 500 is about 1/4 gone.

I've had a beer with dinner out twice since Christmas.

That is the grand total of alcohol I've consumer, prior to last night, in the last 2 1/2 months.  So, what started this conversation last night?  We've had some snow here in the Twin Cities that last few days.  My two sons shoveled the driveway after school yesterday (unprompted, proud of them).  It snowed a little bit more last night, and the wind was blowing so I went out about 8:30 to do a quick shovel of what had come down since.  I didn't ask anyone to help, they were all sitting inside watching TV.  I get back in and make myself a cup of hot chocolate to warm up.  I noticed we still had some Bailey's, so I added some to my hot chocolate (FTR, I bought this bottle of Bailey's Christmas 2017 when we got some for her parents).  I bring it in to the living room and she asks what I'm drinking.  I said hot chocolate with Bailey's, and she goes off the deep end.  She cannot believe that I would have a drink "ON A THURSDAY NIGHT" (her words) and thinks that is just the most reciculous thing ever.  I said its just Baileys, I put like 2 oz in my hot chocolate because its tastes better, and is not nearly enough alcohol to feel anything.

She drinks maybe twice a year.  She'll have half a bottle of Mike's Hard lemonade and stops because she feels a buzz, and doesn't like it.  So, she can't understand why anyone would drink, particularly during the week. I will, maybe once every two weeks (as evidenced by the pace of my Captain disappearing) have a drink after a stressful day at work.  She thinks this is a sign of a problem that I need to deal with in a more productive way.

Should probably make this a pole, but I'm primarily venting and offering up my situation for fodder...
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I would tell her point blank in her face to #### off.

I used to drink at least a six pack a night every night and way more on Friday-Sun.  My wife asked me to quit drinking with cause. Your wife is irrational.

 
KCitons said:
This is probably a whole other thread discussion. Where is the line between alcoholic and non-alcoholic? Not that I believe the OP falls into the former. But, who decides once that line is crossed?
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IMO one Baileys and hot chocolate is a good country mile from that line. 

 
KCitons said:
This is probably a whole other thread discussion. Where is the line between alcoholic and non-alcoholic? Not that I believe the OP falls into the former. But, who decides once that line is crossed?
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There is no set line.  At the same time you'd be hard pressed to find any medical professional who deals with addiction to label OP an alcoholic.  

This case is clear cut.  He drinks like (1) unit a week.  

 
Da Guru said:
IMO one Baileys and hot chocolate is a good country mile from that line. 
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ILUVBEER99 said:
There is no set line.  At the same time you'd be hard pressed to find any medical professional who deals with addiction to label OP an alcoholic.  

This case is clear cut.  He drinks like (1) unit a week.  
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Can anyone point to a post where I said the OP was an alcoholic? I can point to a couple where I said he wasn't.

 
KCitons said:
Can anyone point to a post where I said the OP was an alcoholic? I can point to a couple where I said he wasn't.
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I was responding to your below question, not saying you called OP an alcoholic.  

"This is probably a whole other thread discussion. Where is the line between alcoholic and non-alcoholic? Not that I believe the OP falls into the former. But, who decides once that line is crossed?"

 
ILUVBEER99 said:
I was responding to your below question, not saying you called OP an alcoholic.  

"This is probably a whole other thread discussion. Where is the line between alcoholic and non-alcoholic? Not that I believe the OP falls into the former. But, who decides once that line is crossed?"
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Exactly. But you brought it back to the OP's situation. 

There is no set line.  At the same time you'd be hard pressed to find any medical professional who deals with addiction to label OP an alcoholic.  

This case is clear cut.  He drinks like (1) unit a week
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Is it two units a week? 10? 

My question was in general. When does a person cross the line between non-alcoholic and alcoholic? And who gets to decide.

 
KCitons said:
Exactly. But you brought it back to the OP's situation. 

Is it two units a week? 10? 

My question was in general. When does a person cross the line between non-alcoholic and alcoholic? And who gets to decide.
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There is no exact number of drinks per day/week/month that determines whether one is an alcoholic or not.  Every case is it's own unique entity.  

There is also a huge difference between an alcoholic and someone who drinks too much.

The OPs wifes opinion that he drinks too much is akin to someone saying the earth is flat.  

 
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ghostguy123 said:
There is no exact number of drinks per day/week/month that determines whether one is an alcoholic or not.  Every case is it's own unique entity.  

There is also a huge difference between an alcoholic and someone who drinks too much.

The OPs wifes opinion that he drinks too much is akin to someone saying the earth is flat.  
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If you can't put a number on it, what other factors do you use to determine if someone has a drinking problem or is an alcoholic?

 
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KCitons said:
If you can't put a number on it, what other factors do you use to determine if someone has a drinking problem or is an alcoholic?
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At this point, I have to ask are you just trolling? Because you've already admitted the OP's consumption is nowhere in the vicinity of an alcoholic level. You are either trolling or absolutely starved for the attention you seem to be getting in this thread.

 
DallasDMac said:
At this point, I have to ask are you just trolling? Because you've already admitted the OP's consumption is nowhere in the vicinity of an alcoholic level. You are either trolling or absolutely starved for the attention you seem to be getting in this thread.
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Why would you say that? I have simply asked questions about where the line is drawn? You keep taking it back to the specifics of the OP's situation. It appears, from the responses, that some people may benefit from further discussion. Lot's of comments about how the OP's wife would hate living with any number of posters here. I'm just curious where that line forms. 

You guys need to find some new shtick. Calling someone a troll for everything is just ridiculous.

 
Punxsutawney Phil said:
It's threads like these that make you realize how bad your life could be.
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I love these types of threads for this exact reason. I'm dating two strippers right now while not drinking - haven't drank since 2018 - but between the two of them they've already gone through three large bottles of Tito's while hanging out at my place. They love that I don't drink because it's way better sexually for them. Plus I'm keeping all my gym gains and am always up early, never hungover - but even if I was, it would be super crazy if one of them ever said they were upset because I was drinking on a Thursday! LOL Good luck with y'alls wives!

 
KCitons said:
If you can't put a number on it, what other factors do you use to determine if someone has a drinking problem or is an alcoholic?
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Too many things to sit here and list, which is why I said each situation is unique.  Just to name a few of the dozens of factors:

-amount does matter but not as much as many people think

- when you drink matters

- how often matters

- behavior when intoxicated matters in relation to amount/timing/frequency

- do you suffer physical withdrawal 2-4 days off the sauce

- are there tangible negative consequences to your career, family life, legal history, finances

Dozens more, and even the ones listed have no specific parameters.

 
ChainsawU said:
I love these types of threads for this exact reason. I'm dating two strippers right now while not drinking - haven't drank since 2018 - but between the two of them they've already gone through three large bottles of Tito's while hanging out at my place. They love that I don't drink because it's way better sexually for them. Plus I'm keeping all my gym gains and am always up early, never hungover - but even if I was, it would be super crazy if one of them ever said they were upset because I was drinking on a Thursday! LOL Good luck with y'alls wives!
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:Popcorn:

 
DallasDMac said:
So then it is your pathetic need to be the center of attention and make the thread all about you. Got it, thanks.
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Or, maybe I'm having a deeper discussion that will help someone that's reading it besides you. I don't have a drinking problem, or a spouse that is concerned with my drinking. (as appears to be the case with many posters here) But, that doesn't mean that others here don't.

I'm not attacking one specific person, the way you are. No need for you to be rude. I thought this forum was about helping people. If you don't want to partake, that's fine. But why keep others from having a discussion?

 
ghostguy123 said:
Too many things to sit here and list, which is why I said each situation is unique.  Just to name a few of the dozens of factors:

-amount does matter but not as much as many people think

- when you drink matters

- how often matters

- behavior when intoxicated matters in relation to amount/timing/frequency

- do you suffer physical withdrawal 2-4 days off the sauce

- are there tangible negative consequences to your career, family life, legal history, finances

Dozens more, and even the ones listed have no specific parameters.
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Looking at the OP's situation, where would that line be, in regards to the bolded?  We all agree that one drink per month on a Thursday doesn't indicate that he has a drinking problem. The amount is not important. When you drink seems to be up for debate. I'm going to assume that it relates to drinking at work? The one that has a lot of variance is the tangible negative consequences on family life. Who gets to decide what, and how bad, those consequences are?

 
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