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New Idioms That I Will Start Using (2 Viewers)

"Dumber than a box of rocks" has always been a favorite go to of mine. Surprised how many people haven't heard that one by now.

Sharp as a bowling ball

The gate's down, the lights are flashing, but the train just ain't coming.
The driveway doesn't quite reach the garage
A few sandwiches short of a picnic
The belt doesn't go through all the loops
The elevator is stuck between floors
The dice are missing a few dots
Not the sharpest... knife in the drawer, tack in the box, tool in the shed, pencil in the pouch...
 
3) "You can't unpee your pants" - Don't do something you're not prepared to live with the consequences
4) "Don't mistake a long pee for a quick poop" - Don't assume someone is doing the worst just because something might point to that

I think these would be good if you preface them with "Like my great grandma used to say..."
 
Bob's your uncle.

It's not brain salad surgery.

Put that in your hash pipe and smoke it.
 
I'm more of a fan of the mixed metaphor:

1) "Pulling a rabbit out of his ***."
2) "It's not rocket surgery."
3) "A watched clock never boils."
5) "Does the pope poop in the woods?"
Do what you love, and you'll never have to feed a man to a fish.

-Stolen from a local RV dealership radio commercial.
 
I'm more of a fan of the mixed metaphor:

1) "Pulling a rabbit out of his ***."
2) "It's not rocket surgery."
3) "A watched clock never boils."
5) "Does the pope poop in the woods?"
big fan of the unintentional mixed metaphor. my two favorites from real life:

from the now defunct PSF, "you're just tossing raw meat to the choir".

from my non forum life:

a guy i knew, concerned about a friend's health, exclaimed, "i mean, he smokes like a fish!"
 
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't lead a horticulture.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

Exeter?! I was never.... [Central CA joke]
 
I'm more of a fan of the mixed metaphor:

1) "Pulling a rabbit out of his ***."
2) "It's not rocket surgery."
3) "A watched clock never boils."
5) "Does the pope poop in the woods?"
big fan of the unintentional mixed metaphor. my two favorites from real life:

from the now defunct PSF, "you're just tossing raw meat to the choir".

from my non forum life:

a guy i knew, concerned about a friend's health, exclaimed, "i mean, he smokes like a fish!"
I often say smokes like a fish/drinks like a chimney.

Another, non-mixed expression I like: Sweatin’ like a whore in church. But it’s a little vulgar/non-PC, so I‘ve revised it to perspirin’ like a transactional sex worker in a place of worship.
 
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From the movie Kingpin:
Munsoned.
-----------------------------------
"I'd sooner get Munsoned out here in the middle of nowhere than lose face in front of my friends and family."
'Oh, whoa. What'd you say? Munsoned???'
"You know, Munsoned. To have the whole world in the palm of your hand and then blow it."
 
3) "You can't unpee your pants" - Don't do something you're not prepared to live with the consequences
4) "Don't mistake a long pee for a quick poop" - Don't assume someone is doing the worst just because something might point to that

I think these would be good if you preface them with "Like my great grandma used to say..."
Those came from his great aunt urologist.
 
When asked if coach Joe Gibbs was a smart football man, Joe Theismann said he was and then he said, “But he's no Norman Einstein.”
My high school coach said of one of my teammates once, "He's fat, but he's slow"

:laugh::laugh:

I wasn't supposed to hear it, but I did. This has come in handy for Raider defensive tackles over the last quarter century.
 
From the movie Kingpin:
Munsoned.
-----------------------------------
"I'd sooner get Munsoned out here in the middle of nowhere than lose face in front of my friends and family."
'Oh, whoa. What'd you say? Munsoned???'
"You know, Munsoned. To have the whole world in the palm of your hand and then blow it."
You really shook somethin' loose there, tiger.
Not to disparage my lovely wife... but we love that movie and tend to quote movie lines often.
 
From the Grand Budapest Hotel———————————————
“She was shaking like a ****ting dog”
I've always heard it as "Shaking like a dog trying to **** a peach pit"

My grandfather had a whole bunch of these (the one above included):

No rain for weeks? "The ground is harder than woodpecker lips".
Someone do something dumb? "If brains were made of leather, that boy wouldn't have enough to saddle a junebug". Or "If I'd ordered me a truckload of dumb***es and all they brought was you, I'd have gotten my money's worth".
Someone worried about something? "She's as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs".
Eat something bad and got an upset stomach? "Whew I believe if I bent over I could **** through a keyhole at thirty paces".
 
From The Foghorn Leghorn:

"His muscles are as soggy as a used tea bag"

“That girl’s about as sharp as a bowling ball"

"Smart boy, got a mind like a steel trap – full of mice”

“That dog’s as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrrel of oat meal”

"The snow, I say the snow’s so deep the farmers have to jack up the cows so they can milk them”
 
Someone do something dumb? "If brains were made of leather, that boy wouldn't have enough to saddle a junebug". Or "If I'd ordered me a truckload of dumb***es and all they brought was you, I'd have gotten my money's worth".
If idiots were airplanes we'd need an air traffic controller in here...
 

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