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Niece graduation high school - Am I obligated to attend? (1 Viewer)

James Daulton said:
Or what if you needed a kidney or liver?  And she was like #### You!  You skipped Mimi's high school graduation when I obviously wanted you to go.  Enjoy your painful death you thoughtless #####.
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If that's the case, I'd skip the party as well and put that nice gift towards that future black market liver.   

 
So...sister tells that me that I told her I would go months ago when she came over for dinner.  Needless to say I was drinking a bit that night

She ain't happy that I am not going (I mean, didn't say that expressly but it was clear).  Stuck to my guns though, and am now out of this thing.

To those saying 'if roles were reversed' - I wouldn't ask her to attend, hell no!  

Good feedback, thanks

 
Along the same lines...

my oldest is 'graduating' preschool in two weeks, ceremony, etc.  My wife asked if we should invite my parents (again, they live ~90 mins away).  I asked her if she was crazy??!?  I tried to weasel out of the preschool grad ceremony myself but that was grounds for divorce according to my wife

 
wilked said:
Along the same lines...

my oldest is 'graduating' preschool in two weeks, ceremony, etc.  My wife asked if we should invite my parents (again, they live ~90 mins away).  I asked her if she was crazy??!?  I tried to weasel out of the preschool grad ceremony myself but that was grounds for divorce according to my wife
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whoawhoawhoa ... Preschool grad?

entire family, all the way down to third/fourth cousins - mandatory - or they're dead to me. 

:rant:

 
James Daulton said:
Or what if you needed a kidney or liver?  And she was like #### You!  You skipped Mimi's high school graduation when I obviously wanted you to go.  Enjoy your painful death you thoughtless #####.
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Have you met people?

Just saying, these little slights can add up. People are petty and like to hold grudges.

 
This really just strikes such a nerve with me.

Asking someone to drive like 5 hours so they can sit in a crowd and see a name get called is just ridiculous. We're talking like 7 hours of work (the drive plus sitting through the awful ceremony and hundreds of names being called) for 15 seconds of payoff.

I'm SOOOOO happy my family isn't like this

 
wilked said:
Along the same lines...

my oldest is 'graduating' preschool in two weeks, ceremony, etc.  My wife asked if we should invite my parents (again, they live ~90 mins away).  I asked her if she was crazy??!?  I tried to weasel out of the preschool grad ceremony myself but that was grounds for divorce according to my wife
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The appropriate thing here is to send an invite to your sister and niece.   :D

 
Your sister wants you to go.  If you don't have a real conflict, you go.  Obviously it means something to someone there.

 
wilked said:
So...sister tells that me that I told her I would go months ago when she came over for dinner.  Needless to say I was drinking a bit that night

She ain't happy that I am not going (I mean, didn't say that expressly but it was clear).  Stuck to my guns though, and am now out of this thing.

To those saying 'if roles were reversed' - I wouldn't ask her to attend, hell no!  

Good feedback, thanks
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oh.... if I'd said I was going to go, I'd go. 

but definitely invite her to the pre-school graduation. 

 
I never went to my own graduation ceremonies, and missed my daughter's first "graduation" (from k5 to 1st grade) ceremony last week. There's no way I would ever attend one for any of my nieces or nephews. Send some cash, that's what they care about.

 
Nugget said:
Your sister wants you to go.  If you don't have a real conflict, you go.  Obviously it means something to someone there.
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People never cease to amaze me.  If you can't make it, you can't make it, but graduating HS is a big deal and I would certainly do my best to attend if I was invited.

Making up excuses to blow it off and then contemplating petty ways I could retaliate for pointing out I was breaking a promise seems so ridiculous.

 
Nugget said:
Your sister wants you to go.  If you don't have a real conflict, you go.  Obviously it means something to someone there.
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Yeah, because no woman would ever ask for something unreasonable and irrational....

Saying yes to everything is how you end up at a Jack and Jill baby shower on Super bowl Sunday.

Some people just don't grasp how their requests inconvenience others. They're the center of their own world and completely ignore they fact that others might have different priorities.

This situation calls for a nice gift, a thoughtful card/note and attendance at a graduation party if they throw one. Attending the ceremony makes zero sense. 

 
TLEF316 said:
Yeah, because no woman would ever ask for something unreasonable and irrational....

Saying yes to everything is how you end up at a Jack and Jill baby shower on Super bowl Sunday.

Some people just don't grasp how their requests inconvenience others. They're the center of their own world and completely ignore they fact that others might have different priorities.

This situation calls for a nice gift, a thoughtful card/note and attendance at a graduation party if they throw one. Attending the ceremony makes zero sense. 
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How many things does your sister ask you to attend?  5-6 things per child in their life?  My list is baptism/1st birthday/graduation/wedding.  I can usually reschedule a tee time.

 
jonessed said:
People never cease to amaze me.  If you can't make it, you can't make it, but graduating HS is a big deal and I would certainly do my best to attend if I was invited.

Making up excuses to blow it off and then contemplating petty ways I could retaliate for pointing out I was breaking a promise seems so ridiculous.
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Graduating HS is something you're supposed to do, it's far from a big deal. Not graduating is the big deal.

 
Nugget said:
How many things does your sister ask you to attend?  5-6 things per child in their life?  My list is baptism/1st birthday/graduation/wedding.  I can usually reschedule a tee time.
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So what's the cutoff in terms of time/cost inconvenience. If the OP had to drive 4 hours each way, is it still something he has to attend? What if he has to fly out there?

I promise the kid doesn't care if Uncle Steve shows up or not. They just want the ceremony/aftermath (pictures or whatever) over ASAP so they can go party with their friends.

Unless the dad isn't around and the sister just really needs someone there to share the experience with, attendance is unnecessary. 

 
wilked said:
Along the same lines...

my oldest is 'graduating' preschool in two weeks, ceremony, etc.  My wife asked if we should invite my parents (again, they live ~90 mins away).  I asked her if she was crazy??!?  I tried to weasel out of the preschool grad ceremony myself but that was grounds for divorce according to my wife
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For those of us M#ssholes, ballpark on the towns, so we have an idea of timing. Regardless, I say it's up to your folks; they may adore those things with their grandkids. Maybe tell them when it is and let them decide, with them knowing it ain't the end of the world. Could they spend the nite?

 
I don't even remember going to my sister's graduation.  That's a no for me, GB.

I did drive to my sister's college graduation, however... like 2 hours, IIRC.

 
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jonessed said:
:lol:

It's a huge transition for someone becoming a young adult regardless of what the familial expectation is.
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So is getting your license, and losing your virginity.

There was only one other witness at both of those events in my life.  I never held a grudge.

 
jonessed said:
How many family members did you invite?
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That's quite a sense of humor you're sporting there.

Do you know any 17 year olds?  Anyone under 30?  Ask them to decribe their feelings on knowing that Uncle FIll in The Blank isn't attending their high school graduation.  Bring a handkerchief in case any burst into tears.

 
Mr. Ected said:
For those of us M#ssholes, ballpark on the towns, so we have an idea of timing. Regardless, I say it's up to your folks; they may adore those things with their grandkids. Maybe tell them when it is and let them decide, with them knowing it ain't the end of the world. Could they spend the nite?
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Parents - not far from Kittery ME

Me: Just north of Boston

I don't even let my parents know because I don't want them to feel the slightest bit obligated...  Also I know they don't wanna go

 
wilked said:
Along the same lines...

my oldest is 'graduating' preschool in two weeks, ceremony, etc.  My wife asked if we should invite my parents (again, they live ~90 mins away).  I asked her if she was crazy??!?  I tried to weasel out of the preschool grad ceremony myself but that was grounds for divorce according to my wife
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My parents and in laws would have been pissed in this situation. It's #### like this they live for

 
wilked said:
Parents - not far from Kittery ME

Me: Just north of Boston

I don't even let my parents know because I don't want them to feel the slightest bit obligated...  Also I know they don't wanna go
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I grew up on South Shore (Hingham) - Different kind of traffic, especially this time of year.

I know you don't want to make them obligated, but grandparents live for this type of thing, especially if they are retired. My folks are coming down here to DC to see two kids school concerts and a recital. They will be spending a week here, but they love it! My mom was disappointed when I told here there was no celebration or ceremony for the 8th grader who is moving up to HS in the fall.

 
massraider said:
That's quite a sense of humor you're sporting there.

Do you know any 17 year olds?  Anyone under 30?  Ask them to decribe their feelings on knowing that Uncle FIll in The Blank isn't attending their high school graduation.  Bring a handkerchief in case any burst into tears.
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Yeah I don't know. My daughter's graduation was Saturday and we had probably 25 people attend the ceremony. My 26 year old niece and her family drove  90 minutes in to attend. My daughter was extremely excited all these people came to see her graduate #4 out of a class of over 400.

Now immediately after the ceremony, we had rented out the side room of a restaurant and served some nice food so that may have been another incentive to come--who knows? We did have probably 75 people come to that. 

Off the point: her school rocked that ceremony. They got thru 400 kids in a breeze--they had the kids in two lines on either side of the stage. They had two people alternating reading names and man was that quick--all graduations should take note. 

 
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Boston area going North on a Friday is getting as bad as Cape traffic if you need to go 95/93. Would not attend, the extra $50 would probably be more appreciated by the kid anyway.  

 
Worst brother ever. 

Oh and curious as to how you'll be filling your time now that you backed out of attending graduation.

 
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James Daulton said:
Worst brother ever. 

Oh and curious as to how you'll be filling your time now that you backed out of attending graduation.
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I have two kids under the age of 5

my hours between 5am and 8pm are booked fairly solid, with primary goal of keeping them alive 

 
wilked said:
I have two kids under the age of 5

my hours between 5am and 8pm are booked fairly solid, with primary goal of keeping them alive 
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Jesus.  I thought it was fine to skip if you were single.  Go ahead and skip the dinner if you want as well.  

 
TLEF316 said:
So what's the cutoff in terms of time/cost inconvenience. If the OP had to drive 4 hours each way, is it still something he has to attend? What if he has to fly out there?
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It depends on the individual situation, as do most things in life.  If you are a single guy with 5 weeks of vacation pulling in $200K you can fly in.  If you are 19, working 2 jobs to keep you car running, you send a nice email.  This isn't rocket science - do what you can.  If you just don't give a ####, tell them that.

 
Nugget said:
It depends on the individual situation, as do most things in life.  If you are a single guy with 5 weeks of vacation pulling in $200K you can fly in.  If you are 19, working 2 jobs to keep you car running, you send a nice email.  This isn't rocket science - do what you can.  If you just don't give a ####, tell them that.
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I'd have felt strange if one my aunts/uncles showed up from out of town. or in-town, tbh. it was parents at my HS and them + older brother at my college. can't remember if anybody showed for grad-school. I'm sure my grandparents would have liked to have come if they weren't cross-country and super old for both.  

but ultimately, if my brother invited me to one of my niece's graduations (cross-country) and told me it was important to him that I come- I'd come. 

 
El Floppo said:
I'd have felt strange if one my aunts/uncles showed up from out of town. or in-town, tbh. it was parents at my HS and them + older brother at my college. can't remember if anybody showed for grad-school. I'm sure my grandparents would have liked to have come if they weren't cross-country and super old for both.  

but ultimately, if my brother invited me to one of my niece's graduations (cross-country) and told me it was important to him that I come- I'd come. 
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And you could pass on some of your ####ty Netflix show recommendations while you're at it.  He wins twice!  Well, not sure seeing you is actually a win, let's call the whole thing a push.

 
wilked said:
No expense spared...I like your style
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of course- first class, the works.

or... I'd make it work- if he said it was important to him. what's important to my family is important to me. granted- I think there have been a small handful of these kind of requests in my entire life... so I know it's not some frivolous thing. 

if your sister said it was important to her- you still wouldn't go? because a few hours out of your life?

 
This may have already been noted but on page 1 are two threads about nieces

one is about a niece getting arrested for heroin and the other is about graduating high school and (likely) heading to college and a fulfilling life 

thank your lucky stars you are in this thread not the other one

 
Righetti said:
This may have already been noted but on page 1 are two threads about nieces

one is about a niece getting arrested for heroin and the other is about graduating high school and (likely) heading to college and a fulfilling life 

thank your lucky stars you are in this thread not the other one
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One also is about an uncle caring and trying to help another who doesn't give ####. 

 
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