I would very much like to incorporate "bring the kids" shtick into some dates and am even willing to give up my anti-dating stance to do so. Anyone know of any good kid-rental places in the Chicago area?
The schtick would work much better if you could rent "the kids from hell." Have them just torment the hell out of the guy, yet you sit there completely unphased and try to carry on normal dating conversation. Or better yet start asking him questions about if he likes kids, what are his parenting philosophies....and give him some sob story about little Timmy really needs a father figure in his life......and just watch the guy squirm.
I would definitely need a friend somewhere surreptitiously filming this.stryker, you would be doing a good deed and a huge favor to this woman if you would e-mail her and very kindly explain to her that you were surprised she had brought her kids along.
Krista's DateIn this scene we see our unsuspecting dapper hero sitting at a table of a nice restaurant. He is filled with great anticipation of what the night will bring. He met this woman a couple of times previously and finally worked up the nerve to ask her out. He looks up at the door and sees her walk in. She looks absolutely stunning. He is looking forward to getting to know her better and spending his time with her this evening. She sees him and smiles. Suddenly, we hear the sound of two screaming childeren enter the restaurant behind her. She looks at them, bends down and points over to the table he is sitting at. They look at him adn then take off running towards his table as she follows in tow.
Hero: "Can this really be happening?" he thinks to himself.
The kids run over to his table screaming along the way. They begin pushing each other out of the way when she stops them.
Krista: "Kids...that's enough we're in a restaurant."
He just looks at the kids...then at her....completely dumbfounded. She looks at him and smiles.
Krista: "Hello there, sorry I'm late. Billy flushed the remote control down the toilet and Sally decided that our dog would look prettier if she was wearing my lipstick. Have you been waiting long?"
He tries to answer her, but is interupted by Sally.
Sally: "Hey, mister....do you think our mom is pretty?"
Hero: "well..uh...yes....."
Sally: "Are you gonna kiss her?"
Hero: "Well..I....um...."
Billy: "Eeeewww, they're gonna touch each other's tongues and wrestle on the bed naked!"
Krista: "Billy....that's enough! Besides, it's only our first date......you know I don't wrestle with guys naked in bed until the fourth date."
Billy: "Oh sorry mom.....I forgot."
Sally: "Are you going to be our new dad?"
The poor guy is flabergasted at this point and is caught completely off guard.
Hero: "Your new dad? Well...I...um..."
Krista: "Sally, you know you can't have a new daddy until I file for divorce and get those assault with a deadly weapon charges dropped."
She turns to our Hero and smiles at him.
Krista: "My ex threatened to spank my kids, so I cut his balls off with a meat cleaver. Can you believe that he would actually want to hrt my little angels?
We now see Billy picking his nose and trying to flick a booger off his finger. It seems to be stuck on there pretty good, so he wipes it off on the table cloth. Meanwhile, Sally is trying to reenact what Krista just told him on her baby doll with a butter knife from the table.
Sally: "You no good son-of-a-b#@ch...I told you if you ever try to touch my kids, I'll kill you!"
Our hero just looks on in horror.
Krista: "So...how do you feel about spanking childeren?"
Hero: "I....um...I wouldn't do it."
Krista: "See? I just knew you would make a good father the first time I saw you. Didn't I tell you that kids?"
Billy: "I thought you said he looked like he had a small package?"
Krista: "Now, now Billy.....it's not the size of the pen....but how you write your name."
Sally: "Hey....is that a roll of quarets in your pocket...or are you just happy to see our mom?"
Our hero flips out, jumps out of his chair and runs out of the restaurant never to be seen from again.
THE END
The reason we went was for a wedding celebration, my buddies got married earlier in the year he was from Toronto and she lives in NYC so Montreal was equidistant for the most part for people to travel there.Not much talent at the wedding party, there was 1 girl that I knew from nyc that was looking really good, was going to hit on her at the after party but she never made it, she had 2 glasses of wine and apparently was done (no she did not hook up with another guy she just went back and crashed). I will see her again in nyc tho so not a total loss. Only other women I found attractive was my buddy's half-sister and her female friend who was very cute, they were both 21-22 though so it would have been a tough pull. And his sister's friend had a boyfriend and she never made it to the after party but his half-sister did. It didn't even dawn on me to hit on her just because I didn't think it would be cool to hit on my buddy's (half-)sister even if they were not that close at all, she thought her brother was 40 and he was 37. She ended up hooking up with another guy at the party that was 34 and I was talking with her enough at the after party that I probably could have pulled it, but I don't think that would have been an enjoyable ride back to NYC with my buddies (bride and groom in caravan) so probably all for the best.Ok enough setup, on to the REAL story...So there is a guy that drove up with us from London, he is actually Austrian. The dude is a rail thin, 6'7" and only wears black, he is an artist. Anyway we are at some bar on Saturday night it is a real scummy dive bar and it did not disappoint. A couple of 22 year olds walk in and tall guy is standing right behind them I try to get the girls' attention and ask Richard in a louder then normal voice when his band is going on tour again, he plays along but these girls are oblivious and walk outside with their beers to sit down. My buddy that is married busted on me for not putting forth a bigger effort and one of his canadian buddies brings the 3-4 girls back into the bar, walks them right to me from outside and introduces them to me and we start chatting them up for 10-15 minutes but they have the attention span of a gnat and it does not really go anywhere, I get bored and walk to the other side of the bar. This cute blonde goes to me, is your friend really in a band? So I go yeah, do you want to meet him? And I walk her over to him, she was kind of tall and not really my type so I figured I should hook him up. They get to talking and my other friend, my buddy's wife buys them both beers and they end up exchanging phone numbers. I think nothing of it and ended up organizing a peeler run since there was nothing going on at the bar at this point. I find out the next day that Richard and the blonde were seen the next day and they were getting along famously so I felt like I had done my good deed of the weekend. The wedding celebration was later that night and Richard gets there really late, so I assumed things went better as planned. Turns out things did not really go so well.So I get the story from him, he sets it up by saying when he met her on Saturday night he asked her why she does not smile. She said it is because of the valium she took earlier in the night. He asked her why she is taking valium and she said to counteract the nervousness she gets when she takes cocaine.
You have to keep in mind Richard is VERY eccentric he is probably one of the more strange guys I have ever met, he walks around with a carrot juice and vodka concoction at all times but he does not like carrots and he lives in a 100 square foot flat in London which I think must be very uncomfortable for a guy of his size. Anyway her drug use does not seem to phase him and they meet up the next day for drinks. He is running late and calls her and apologizes she said no problem just let her finish smoking this joint and then she will go back to the meeting spot. He says they both have two vodka cranberries and talk about really bizarre stuff like how she used to date this gangsta and he gave her a gun, etc.. After the two drinks she is acting like she is plastered so they take off. It is getting closer to the party time so after walking around Montreal a little more and hitting a thrift shop they go to his hotel so he can get ready for the party, while at the hotel she starts trying on bathing suits she bought at the thrift store right in front of him - so he is getting a full frontal viewing of her. He said he normally would have went at with this girl but she was really really drunk and he said it would not have been cool. So they walk out of the hotel and he says at this point he is practically carrying her she is so bad off. They make it a few blocks and it is getting late and he says she should get in a taxi or something because he does not want to leave her in the state that she was in. She doesn't respond or budge, she is dead weight at this point and is just sitting on a park bench. He tells her he really does not want to leave her like this but he will have to since he has a party to go to. This is when she SNAPS, she stands up and starts screaming at him saying how he is such a f'n english ##### like all of the others and that, "I am going to f'n kill you right now" and she charges him and starts strangling him by the necktie and she rips his shirt, something about biting off his buttons but not in an erotic way. This guy is pretty non-violent and has no clue how to handle the situation, he said if she was a guy you could just work things out but this woman was way off her rocker and he needed help. He sees a couple walk by him and he starts asking the guy for help, he is like PLEASE call the police I don't know what to do. So the guy makes a phone call and she sees this and charges the guy with the phone, steals his phone from him and she starts yelling at the police on the phone as she walks into incoming traffic and starts slamming windshields with her purse. The three of them finally subdue her and have her on the ground. Richard asks the guy if he got his cell phone back and he said he did, so Richard just heads back to his hotel to get a cab, practically sprinting to get away from the scene where this psycho chick was. A witness to the scene follows Richard into the hotel about 10 minutes later and tells him the girl was arrested and taken off by the police. Richard changes his shirt, goes to the party and entertains us all with the full cup of crazy he just experienced.
eh... time to find another date, huh? 
. I honestly didnt know what to say. I said in my most uncomfortable voice "Uh, Jill? Heeeeyy...uh and they are??" She introduces me to "Little Johnny" and "Little Suzy". She then pulls up the chair next to me and the kids are just standing there looking at me like I just killed their dad. I get up and offer my chair to one of the kids and she says "No, they're ok". I hear the 2 other girls sort of giggle and then they got up and left shortly after that.
Had a date with Jill tonight. We had agreed to have some dinner/drinks and watch the game as she is a big sports fan. I had emailed her and said "Hey lets get together at Applebees for dinner and a few drinks and watch the game". She emailed me back and said "Yah, I'm free, that sounds great!" No mention of kids...perhaps I should have clarified 
Honestly, there was no real conversation. No chance at any chemistry at all. She was pretty good looking and the few sentences we had between us were decent but damn, that is not the way to start a relationship. Its taken her a month or so to even contact me back. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and then the kids come along? Now that I'm kinda drunk, I'm actually pissed about it 
Normal people don't do this.
. TIA
just kidding!
