***Official*** FFA iDating Thread (5 Viewers)

[Tremendous Upside]

Helpful hint when asking out single mothers: When planning the date always ask if she has her kids the night in question. Even if she does have them, she'll probably volunteer the assurance you're looking for (have a babysitter, grandparents will watch them, etc). Press if necessary. :hindsight:

Amanda has 2 kids. It has never been an issue and when we do go out it's because her kids are already taken care of...SHE makes sure of it. I've never met them yet after about 5 or 6 dates. I will definately be asking more questions going forward.

I wonder of choice of location played a part...Maybe because it was Applebees (i.e. kid friendly) she thought it was OK?Would love to know if she would have brought them if you two were hitting a regualr bar to watch the game...(That would be priceless)

That settles it. My next date with a MILF is going to be at a some seedy bar. Maybe a strip joint? That would be

I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'...

 

[larry_boy_44]

I would very much like to incorporate "bring the kids" shtick into some dates and am even willing to give up my anti-dating stance to do so. Anyone know of any good kid-rental places in the Chicago area?

The schtick would work much better if you could rent "the kids from hell." Have them just torment the hell out of the guy, yet you sit there completely unphased and try to carry on normal dating conversation. Or better yet start asking him questions about if he likes kids, what are his parenting philosophies....and give him some sob story about little Timmy really needs a father figure in his life......and just watch the guy squirm.

Pure evil!

Thats exactly what I felt like last night! Although the kids were relatively well behaved. Krista, you sure you're not from Milwaukee and are named Jill?

She was good looking but I've been out with better. I just couldn't bring myself to bail right away. I still cannot grasp what was going through her head. I shoulda known better when she came accross as a box of rocks in her first communication to me

HEY LOOK AT ME, I OFFENDED KRISTA!!I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. Thats not what I meant. I was drunk at the time. I'm still drunk now. I will continue to apologize in my next 200 posts, send you continuous PMs, and re-writing numerous crappy songs so they are about our "relationship" until you acknowledge me after 4 pages of . TIA

(Woz, don't get your panties in a bunch. This is funny and you know it)

fixed

 

[Leeroy Jenkins]

I would very much like to incorporate "bring the kids" shtick into some dates and am even willing to give up my anti-dating stance to do so. Anyone know of any good kid-rental places in the Chicago area?

The schtick would work much better if you could rent "the kids from hell." Have them just torment the hell out of the guy, yet you sit there completely unphased and try to carry on normal dating conversation. Or better yet start asking him questions about if he likes kids, what are his parenting philosophies....and give him some sob story about little Timmy really needs a father figure in his life......and just watch the guy squirm.

Pure evil!

Thats exactly what I felt like last night! Although the kids were relatively well behaved. Krista, you sure you're not from Milwaukee and are named Jill?

She was good looking but I've been out with better. I just couldn't bring myself to bail right away. I still cannot grasp what was going through her head. I shoulda known better when she came accross as a box of rocks in her first communication to me

HEY LOOK AT ME, I OFFENDED KRISTA!!I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. Thats not what I meant. I was drunk at the time. I'm still drunk now. I will continue to apologize in my next 200 posts, send you continuous PMs, and re-writing numerous crappy songs so they are about our "relationship" until you acknowledge me after 4 pages of . TIA

(Woz, don't get your panties in a bunch. This is funny and you know it)

fixed

whoa whoa, he did all that to/for Krista??

 

[larry_boy_44]

I would very much like to incorporate "bring the kids" shtick into some dates and am even willing to give up my anti-dating stance to do so. Anyone know of any good kid-rental places in the Chicago area?

The schtick would work much better if you could rent "the kids from hell." Have them just torment the hell out of the guy, yet you sit there completely unphased and try to carry on normal dating conversation. Or better yet start asking him questions about if he likes kids, what are his parenting philosophies....and give him some sob story about little Timmy really needs a father figure in his life......and just watch the guy squirm.

Pure evil!

Thats exactly what I felt like last night! Although the kids were relatively well behaved. Krista, you sure you're not from Milwaukee and are named Jill?

She was good looking but I've been out with better. I just couldn't bring myself to bail right away. I still cannot grasp what was going through her head. I shoulda known better when she came accross as a box of rocks in her first communication to me

HEY LOOK AT ME, I OFFENDED KRISTA!!I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. Thats not what I meant. I was drunk at the time. I'm still drunk now. I will continue to apologize in my next 200 posts, send you continuous PMs, and re-writing numerous crappy songs so they are about our "relationship" until you acknowledge me after 4 pages of . TIA

(Woz, don't get your panties in a bunch. This is funny and you know it)

fixed

whoa whoa, he did all that to/for Krista??

he made tons of posts, sent her a bunch of pms, and definately re-wrote at least one song that he posted and then deleted 10 minutes later, but I READ IT!!!!

 

[Disco Stu]

Helpful hint when asking out single mothers: When planning the date always ask if she has her kids the night in question. Even if she does have them, she'll probably volunteer the assurance you're looking for (have a babysitter, grandparents will watch them, etc). Press if necessary. :hindsight:

Amanda has 2 kids. It has never been an issue and when we do go out it's because her kids are already taken care of...SHE makes sure of it. I've never met them yet after about 5 or 6 dates. I will definately be asking more questions going forward.

I wonder of choice of location played a part...Maybe because it was Applebees (i.e. kid friendly) she thought it was OK?Would love to know if she would have brought them if you two were hitting a regualr bar to watch the game...(That would be priceless)

That settles it. My next date with a MILF is going to be at a some seedy bar. Maybe a strip joint? That would be

That should work. If it weren't for single moms, strip joints wouldn't exist.

 

[Woz]

I would very much like to incorporate "bring the kids" shtick into some dates and am even willing to give up my anti-dating stance to do so. Anyone know of any good kid-rental places in the Chicago area?

The schtick would work much better if you could rent "the kids from hell." Have them just torment the hell out of the guy, yet you sit there completely unphased and try to carry on normal dating conversation. Or better yet start asking him questions about if he likes kids, what are his parenting philosophies....and give him some sob story about little Timmy really needs a father figure in his life......and just watch the guy squirm.

Pure evil!

Thats exactly what I felt like last night! Although the kids were relatively well behaved. Krista, you sure you're not from Milwaukee and are named Jill?

She was good looking but I've been out with better. I just couldn't bring myself to bail right away. I still cannot grasp what was going through her head. I shoulda known better when she came accross as a box of rocks in her first communication to me

HEY LOOK AT ME, I OFFENDED KRISTA!!I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. Thats not what I meant. I was drunk at the time. I'm still drunk now. I will continue to apologize in my next 200 posts, send you continuous PMs, and re-writing numerous crappy songs so they are about our "relationship" until you acknowledge me after 4 pages of . TIA

(Woz, don't get your panties in a bunch. This is funny and you know it)

fixed

whoa whoa, he did all that to/for Krista??

he made tons of posts, sent her a bunch of pms, and definately re-wrote at least one song that he posted and then deleted 10 minutes later, but I READ IT!!!!

LB, stay out of the #### you don't know about. everything you just said is incorrect. 1. i made tons of posts #####ing with you because you couldn't stay out of it

2. i sent her one pm once

3. the uh "re-written song" wasn't made for krista, i was recycling

shouldn't you be off finding more dates??

 

[s_ezy]

Date 7

Talib Kweli concert

myself, a buddy from sandusky and one of her friends met at her house a few hours before the concert.

the plans was to have a few drinks, then head to the concert. my buddy from sandusky was driving.

her grandma, (with who she lives with) had brought home spagetti from something earlier that day, we dined on that and had some beers.

drove to the house of blues, and valeted it right near the venue.

flashed our tickets, hit the bar for drinks then went upstairs and were able to sit with a great view of the stage.

Talib was absolutely amazing, and we had a great time.

afterwards we didnt do much because it was a tuesday night and we all had to work the next day. My buddy dropped us off as her house, she was soooo tired, so we kissed and said goodbye.

next date she comes back to my side of town.

 

[larry_boy_44]

LB, stay out of the #### you don't know about. everything you just said is incorrect. 1. i made tons of posts #####ing with you because you couldn't stay out of it2. i sent her one pm once3. the uh "re-written song" wasn't made for krista, i was recyclingshouldn't you be off finding more dates??

do I really have to go back and point out where Krista herself said you sent her more than one PM???and I could tell you were recycling... that just makes it even sadder....but ur such a sensitive little guy, woz, its kinda cute... your like a little brother who doesn't understand anything thier big brother says so they just get mad constantly...

 

[parasaurolophus]

Date 7Talib Kweli concertmyself, a buddy from sandusky and one of her friends met at her house a few hours before the concert.the plans was to have a few drinks, then head to the concert. my buddy from sandusky was driving.her grandma, (with who she lives with) had brought home spagetti from something earlier that day, we dined on that and had some beers.drove to the house of blues, and valeted it right near the venue.flashed our tickets, hit the bar for drinks then went upstairs and were able to sit with a great view of the stage.Talib was absolutely amazing, and we had a great time.afterwards we didnt do much because it was a tuesday night and we all had to work the next day. My buddy dropped us off as her house, she was soooo tired, so we kissed and said goodbye.next date she comes back to my side of town.

perfect timing for this. the thread was about to be larwoz'd

 

[larry_boy_44]

Date 7Talib Kweli concertmyself, a buddy from sandusky and one of her friends met at her house a few hours before the concert.the plans was to have a few drinks, then head to the concert. my buddy from sandusky was driving.her grandma, (with who she lives with) had brought home spagetti from something earlier that day, we dined on that and had some beers.drove to the house of blues, and valeted it right near the venue.flashed our tickets, hit the bar for drinks then went upstairs and were able to sit with a great view of the stage.Talib was absolutely amazing, and we had a great time.afterwards we didnt do much because it was a tuesday night and we all had to work the next day. My buddy dropped us off as her house, she was soooo tired, so we kissed and said goodbye.next date she comes back to my side of town.

perfect timing for this. the thread was about to be larwoz'd

nah, I don't have time to play with woz today... lolFeel free if you want to, though...

 

[krista4]

LB, stay out of the #### you don't know about. everything you just said is incorrect. 1. i made tons of posts #####ing with you because you couldn't stay out of it2. i sent her one pm once3. the uh "re-written song" wasn't made for krista, i was recyclingshouldn't you be off finding more dates??

I really want to stay out of this, but Woz, #2 above is a bald-faced lie, and it is quite easy to prove such. Another lie would be that you have no idea what I look like (in regard to the "you're not hot" comment), given the long PM correspondence in which you kept asking me, and I finally pointed you in the direction of the picture in my profile. We then had several PMs back and forth regarding that picture. I have the correspondence if you'd like to refresh your memory.

 

[Tremendous Upside]

Do we have to go back through all this?

Do I have to post another story about Lance's ineptitude with the wimmen to distract you bickerers?

 

[krista4]

Do we have to go back through all this?Do I have to post another story about Lance's ineptitude with the wimmen to distract you bickerers?

 

[Tremendous Upside]

Do we have to go back through all this?Do I have to post another story about Lance's ineptitude with the wimmen to distract you bickerers?

Okay then...Give me a couple of minutes,...

 

[Jabroniking]

LB, stay out of the #### you don't know about. everything you just said is incorrect. 1. i made tons of posts #####ing with you because you couldn't stay out of it2. i sent her one pm once3. the uh "re-written song" wasn't made for krista, i was recyclingshouldn't you be off finding more dates??

I really want to stay out of this, but Woz, #2 above is a bald-faced lie, and it is quite easy to prove such. Another lie would be that you have no idea what I look like (in regard to the "you're not hot" comment), given the long PM correspondence in which you kept asking me, and I finally pointed you in the direction of the picture in my profile. We then had several PMs back and forth regarding that picture. I have the correspondence if you'd like to refresh your memory.

May I suggest something? How about we hold an FFA Court to resolve this matter once and for all. I could be the judge being that I am impartial in this matter and to be honest, I really don't know the history...nor do I care to read through this thread to try and figure it out.So, I suggest you each present your case.....and I will give a decision...and that decision will be final. The only stipulation is that this issue gets put to rest after the decision has been made. I will allow each of you to stae your cases and provide evidence to your cases. So, what is Woz being charged with?Woz, how do you plea?Do you even want to do this?

 

[Disco Stu]

Do you even want to do this?

Please no. At least not in this thread.

 

[Jabroniking]

Do you even want to do this?

Please no. At least not in this thread.

We could make a court room thread

 

[Woz]

LB, stay out of the #### you don't know about. everything you just said is incorrect. 1. i made tons of posts #####ing with you because you couldn't stay out of it2. i sent her one pm once3. the uh "re-written song" wasn't made for krista, i was recyclingshouldn't you be off finding more dates??

I really want to stay out of this, but Woz, #2 above is a bald-faced lie, and it is quite easy to prove such. Another lie would be that you have no idea what I look like (in regard to the "you're not hot" comment), given the long PM correspondence in which you kept asking me, and I finally pointed you in the direction of the picture in my profile. We then had several PMs back and forth regarding that picture. I have the correspondence if you'd like to refresh your memory.

In the context of our little ifight, if my memory serves me correctly (which it may not)I sent one pm upon my own accord and it said "are you ok." Also, I saw one little picture of you. Certainly that's not nearly enough to make the statement I did and actually mean it. I could pass you on the street right now, look right at you, and haven't a clue it was you. Because of this my statement was clearly inane and baseless - suggesting it was made with the sole purpose of being so out there it couldn't be taken seriously. I also don't believe that you saved all those pms. That's bordering that whole crazy e-mom/mojo thing and no way do I want to be involved with anything like that. But if that is the case, I haven't the slightest what was in those pms so sure, I'll give you deference.Krista, I've said several times now that I'm sorry. I mean it. I'm not going to Milwaukee because you said you won't go otherwise. I'm "leaving you alone" like you asked. Can we drop this?

 

[Colin Dowling]

LB, stay out of the #### you don't know about. everything you just said is incorrect. 1. i made tons of posts #####ing with you because you couldn't stay out of it2. i sent her one pm once3. the uh "re-written song" wasn't made for krista, i was recyclingshouldn't you be off finding more dates??

I really want to stay out of this, but Woz, #2 above is a bald-faced lie, and it is quite easy to prove such. Another lie would be that you have no idea what I look like (in regard to the "you're not hot" comment), given the long PM correspondence in which you kept asking me, and I finally pointed you in the direction of the picture in my profile. We then had several PMs back and forth regarding that picture. I have the correspondence if you'd like to refresh your memory.

In the context of our little ifight, if my memory serves me correctly (which it may not)I sent one pm upon my own accord and it said "are you ok." Also, I saw one little picture of you. Certainly that's not nearly enough to make the statement I did and actually mean it. I could pass you on the street right now, look right at you, and haven't a clue it was you. Because of this my statement was clearly inane and baseless - suggesting it was made with the sole purpose of being so out there it couldn't be taken seriously. I also don't believe that you saved all those pms. That's bordering that whole crazy e-mom/mojo thing and no way do I want to be involved with anything like that. But if that is the case, I haven't the slightest what was in those pms so sure, I'll give you deference.Krista, I've said several times now that I'm sorry. I mean it. I'm not going to Milwaukee because you said you won't go otherwise. I'm "leaving you alone" like you asked. Can we drop this?

PMs/Texting/Twitter/MySpace down?

 

[Woz]

LB, stay out of the #### you don't know about. everything you just said is incorrect. 1. i made tons of posts #####ing with you because you couldn't stay out of it2. i sent her one pm once3. the uh "re-written song" wasn't made for krista, i was recyclingshouldn't you be off finding more dates??

do I really have to go back and point out where Krista herself said you sent her more than one PM???and I could tell you were recycling... that just makes it even sadder....but ur such a sensitive little guy, woz, its kinda cute... your like a little brother who doesn't understand anything thier big brother says so they just get mad constantly...

1. That's called hearsay bud and shouldn't be taken as absolute truth. 2. Okay, but you said I wrote it for her. I pointed out you were wrong and you just admitted. 3. You do realize how badly I could beat you, right? :(

 

[Woz]

LB, stay out of the #### you don't know about. everything you just said is incorrect. 1. i made tons of posts #####ing with you because you couldn't stay out of it2. i sent her one pm once3. the uh "re-written song" wasn't made for krista, i was recyclingshouldn't you be off finding more dates??

I really want to stay out of this, but Woz, #2 above is a bald-faced lie, and it is quite easy to prove such. Another lie would be that you have no idea what I look like (in regard to the "you're not hot" comment), given the long PM correspondence in which you kept asking me, and I finally pointed you in the direction of the picture in my profile. We then had several PMs back and forth regarding that picture. I have the correspondence if you'd like to refresh your memory.

May I suggest something? How about we hold an FFA Court to resolve this matter once and for all. I could be the judge being that I am impartial in this matter and to be honest, I really don't know the history...nor do I care to read through this thread to try and figure it out.So, I suggest you each present your case.....and I will give a decision...and that decision will be final. The only stipulation is that this issue gets put to rest after the decision has been made. I will allow each of you to stae your cases and provide evidence to your cases. So, what is Woz being charged with?Woz, how do you plea?Do you even want to do this?

Guilty. Sentence is not going to milwaukee and leaving this alone. Court adjourned, back to idating.

 

[Woz]

LB, stay out of the #### you don't know about. everything you just said is incorrect. 1. i made tons of posts #####ing with you because you couldn't stay out of it2. i sent her one pm once3. the uh "re-written song" wasn't made for krista, i was recyclingshouldn't you be off finding more dates??

I really want to stay out of this, but Woz, #2 above is a bald-faced lie, and it is quite easy to prove such. Another lie would be that you have no idea what I look like (in regard to the "you're not hot" comment), given the long PM correspondence in which you kept asking me, and I finally pointed you in the direction of the picture in my profile. We then had several PMs back and forth regarding that picture. I have the correspondence if you'd like to refresh your memory.

In the context of our little ifight, if my memory serves me correctly (which it may not)I sent one pm upon my own accord and it said "are you ok." Also, I saw one little picture of you. Certainly that's not nearly enough to make the statement I did and actually mean it. I could pass you on the street right now, look right at you, and haven't a clue it was you. Because of this my statement was clearly inane and baseless - suggesting it was made with the sole purpose of being so out there it couldn't be taken seriously. I also don't believe that you saved all those pms. That's bordering that whole crazy e-mom/mojo thing and no way do I want to be involved with anything like that. But if that is the case, I haven't the slightest what was in those pms so sure, I'll give you deference.Krista, I've said several times now that I'm sorry. I mean it. I'm not going to Milwaukee because you said you won't go otherwise. I'm "leaving you alone" like you asked. Can we drop this?

PMs/Texting/Twitter/MySpace down?

what the hell is Twitter?

 

[Alias]

LB, stay out of the #### you don't know about. everything you just said is incorrect. 1. i made tons of posts #####ing with you because you couldn't stay out of it2. i sent her one pm once3. the uh "re-written song" wasn't made for krista, i was recyclingshouldn't you be off finding more dates??

I really want to stay out of this, but Woz, #2 above is a bald-faced lie, and it is quite easy to prove such. Another lie would be that you have no idea what I look like (in regard to the "you're not hot" comment), given the long PM correspondence in which you kept asking me, and I finally pointed you in the direction of the picture in my profile. We then had several PMs back and forth regarding that picture. I have the correspondence if you'd like to refresh your memory.

In the context of our little ifight, if my memory serves me correctly (which it may not)I sent one pm upon my own accord and it said "are you ok." Also, I saw one little picture of you. Certainly that's not nearly enough to make the statement I did and actually mean it. I could pass you on the street right now, look right at you, and haven't a clue it was you. Because of this my statement was clearly inane and baseless - suggesting it was made with the sole purpose of being so out there it couldn't be taken seriously. I also don't believe that you saved all those pms. That's bordering that whole crazy e-mom/mojo thing and no way do I want to be involved with anything like that. But if that is the case, I haven't the slightest what was in those pms so sure, I'll give you deference.Krista, I've said several times now that I'm sorry. I mean it. I'm not going to Milwaukee because you said you won't go otherwise. I'm "leaving you alone" like you asked. Can we drop this?

PMs/Texting/Twitter/MySpace down?

what the hell is Twitter?

from what I understand it is like real time blogging - I am going to the library, I am washing my hair, I am walking to work, I am at work...

 

[Woz]

To get this back on track it looks like the cute blonde med student who selected me despite her saying she hated the colored in faces has stopped talking to me... still at square one right now for Woz but heading up to a wedding this weekend, so we'll see what happens there.

Anyone have good wedding tips? I'm not going to know a lot of people there, what's the best approach with girls? At the last wedding I was at the bride was pimping me out to her friends. That was money, but I really didn't hit it off with any of them.

 

[s_ezy]

To get this back on track it looks like the cute blonde med student who selected me despite her saying she hated the colored in faces has stopped talking to me... still at square one right now for Woz but heading up to a wedding this weekend, so we'll see what happens there. Anyone have good wedding tips? I'm not going to know a lot of people there, what's the best approach with girls? At the last wedding I was at the bride was pimping me out to her friends. That was money, but I really didn't hit it off with any of them.

watch the first 30 min of wedding crashersyour welcome

 

[Jabroniking]

To get this back on track it looks like the cute blonde med student who selected me despite her saying she hated the colored in faces has stopped talking to me... still at square one right now for Woz but heading up to a wedding this weekend, so we'll see what happens there. Anyone have good wedding tips? I'm not going to know a lot of people there, what's the best approach with girls? At the last wedding I was at the bride was pimping me out to her friends. That was money, but I really didn't hit it off with any of them.

Unless you're extremely ballsy, you could just do the Wedding Crashers thing and mingle. Or you could wait until the bride throws the bouquet so you can see who all the single girls are and then make your move from there.

 

[Disco Stu]

what's the best approach with girls?

Talking to them tends to be a good place to start.

 

[Tremendous Upside]

The following story is true...The names have not been changed to protect the innocent...

So y'all may remember my friend Lance, the 30 year old virgin...

Well two years ago on New Years Eve we were at a huge house party, one of those friend of a friend of a friend sort of things...

So Lance is chatting with this cute girl, and about 1 AM he comes up to my friend Mike and I and tells us that they're leaving, heading back to his and Mike's apartment...

We give him the "Dude, you're finally getting laid" knowing nod, and I drop the whole Swingers "’Cause you’re growns up and you’re growns up and you’re growns up'" line on him as Mike promises he won't be back for a while, so he'll have plenty of time to work his magic...

Lance leaves, and Mike and I continue partying...

The next day I swing by their apartment to watch some college football, and I am treated to this amazing story:

So Lance and the girl (who is from Tennessee and is leaving to go back home the next morning -- PERFECT!!) grab a cab and head back to Lance's place...There's some making out and such in the cab. nothing too crazy...

They get back to Lance's room (amazingly he neither tries to take her to dinner nor watch Saw at this point), and they start going at it a bit more...

Lance gets her to undress (OMG A NAKED GIRL ON HIS BED!!!!!1), and he promptly begins "eating at the Y"...Now Lance isn't the neatest fellow, and I've seen him eat spaghetti, so I can't even imagine what this scene looked like (nor do I really want to, for that matter)...

After a bit, he asks her to reciprocate, which she refuses to do (#####!)...

So they are hooking up some more, and she is really tormented about whether or not she's going to sleep with Lance or not, going through the whole "No I shouldn't, yes I will" routine...

Finally, she looks at him and says, "OK, lets do it"

I can only imagine Lance's brain was looking like this at this point:

"You have a condom, right?"

Now I picture Lance more like this:

He says, "I'll be right back," and runs into Mike's room, looking for a condom...

Now Mike is a bit of a lothario, so he practically has a condom dispenser on his wall...But amazingly enough, Lance cannot find one...

He runs back into the room and asks her, "If I run out to get condoms, will you wait here for me?"

She gives it a moment's hesitation and agrees...

So Lance throws on some clothes and runs downstairs...

Lance lives in Midtown Manhattan, and there is a deli on his corner, but he is both embarassed to buy condoms at the place where he gets his newspaper every day (rookie) and, being a bit of a cheapskate, he figures he can get a better deal at the Duane Reade three blocks away...

Not the most athletic or graceful of folk, he nevertheless runs down the three blocks to the 24 hour Duane Reade, only to find that, being New Years Morning at 2 AM, it is closed...

So he has to come back to the corner deli after all...

Now every deli in NYC has condoms behind the counter, but Lance, inexperienced in these things and still embarassed, decides to wander the store looking for them...

After walking around the entire store, he finally approaches the counter and asks for condoms, and now his prophylactic quest is complete!

He runs back around to his apartment, takes the elevator upstairs, opens the door to his apartment...

Only to find the girl pulling on her jacket and getting ready to leave...

:(

"I'm sorry," she says, "but my friends called, and I have to leave in a few hours, and I need to get back to my hotel, so I'm going to go."

Lance walks her downstairs and flags down a cab...She gets into the cab, awkwardly gives him a peck on the cheek, and then gets in...She lowers the window and asks him one question:

"Are you gay?"



"What? No! Why would you ask that? I'm not gay!"

But by then the cab had taken off down the street...

Lance back to his apartment, gos into his room, and realizes that, as usual, he had left a ton of magazines and newspapers scattered around his room, but that the magazine sitting on the nightstand right next to the bed was a New York magazine opened to an article entitled "AIDS still a problem in NYC gay community"



You can't make this stuff up...

 

[Woz]

To get this back on track it looks like the cute blonde med student who selected me despite her saying she hated the colored in faces has stopped talking to me... still at square one right now for Woz but heading up to a wedding this weekend, so we'll see what happens there. Anyone have good wedding tips? I'm not going to know a lot of people there, what's the best approach with girls? At the last wedding I was at the bride was pimping me out to her friends. That was money, but I really didn't hit it off with any of them.

watch the first 30 min of wedding crashersyour welcome

hint: that was fictionhot chicks usually aren't standing alone, primed for the takingI also am a ####ty dancer

 

[Woz]

what's the best approach with girls?

Talking to them tends to be a good place to start.

not if it's about abortion... least that's what i hear

 

[Jabroniking]

The following story is true...The names have not been changed to protect the innocent...So y'all may remember my friend Lance, the 30 year old virgin...Well two years ago on New Years Eve we were at a huge house party, one of those friend of a friend of a friend sort of things...So Lance is chatting with this cute girl, and about 1 AM he comes up to my friend Mike and I and tells us that they're leaving, heading back to his and Mike's apartment...We give him the "Dude, you're finally getting laid" knowing nod, and I drop the whole Swingers "’Cause you’re growns up and you’re growns up and you’re growns up'" line on him as Mike promises he won't be back for a while, so he'll have plenty of time to work his magic...Lance leaves, and Mike and I continue partying...The next day I swing by their apartment to watch some college football, and I am treated to this amazing story:So Lance and the girl (who is from Tennessee and is leaving to go back home the next morning -- PERFECT!!) grab a cab and head back to Lance's place...There's some making out and such in the cab. nothing too crazy...They get back to Lance's room (amazingly he neither tries to take her to dinner nor watch Saw at this point), and they start going at it a bit more...Lance gets her to undress (OMG A NAKED GIRL ON HIS BED!!!!!1), and he promptly begins "eating at the Y"...Now Lance isn't the neatest fellow, and I've seen him eat spaghetti, so I can't even imagine what this scene looked like (nor do I really want to, for that matter)...After a bit, he asks her to reciprocate, which she refuses to do (#####!)...So they are hooking up some more, and she is really tormented about whether or not she's going to sleep with Lance or not, going through the whole "No I shouldn't, yes I will" routine...Finally, she looks at him and says, "OK, lets do it"I can only imagine Lance's brain was looking like this at this point: "You have a condom, right?"Now I picture Lance more like this: He says, "I'll be right back," and runs into Mike's room, looking for a condom...Now Mike is a bit of a lothario, so he practically has a condom dispenser on his wall...But amazingly enough, Lance cannot find one...He runs back into the room and asks her, "If I run out to get condoms, will you wait here for me?"She gives it a moment's hesitation and agrees...So Lance throws on some clothes and runs downstairs...Lance lives in Midtown Manhattan, and there is a deli on his corner, but he is both embarassed to buy condoms at the place where he gets his newspaper every day (rookie) and, being a bit of a cheapskate, he figures he can get a better deal at the Duane Reade three blocks away...Not the most athletic or graceful of folk, he nevertheless runs down the three blocks to the 24 hour Duane Reade, only to find that, being New Years Morning at 2 AM, it is closed...So he has to come back to the corner deli after all...Now every deli in NYC has condoms behind the counter, but Lance, inexperienced in these things and still embarassed, decides to wander the store looking for them...After walking around the entire store, he finally approaches the counter and asks for condoms, and now his prophylactic quest is complete!He runs back around to his apartment, takes the elevator upstairs, opens the door to his apartment...Only to find the girl pulling on her jacket and getting ready to leave... :( "I'm sorry," she says, "but my friends called, and I have to leave in a few hours, and I need to get back to my hotel, so I'm going to go."Lance walks her downstairs and flags down a cab...She gets into the cab, awkwardly gives him a peck on the cheek, and then gets in...She lowers the window and asks him one question:"Are you gay?" "What? No! Why would you ask that? I'm not gay!"But by then the cab had taken off down the street...Lance back to his apartment, gos into his room, and realizes that, as usual, he had left a ton of magazines and newspapers scattered around his room, but that the magazine sitting on the nightstand right next to the bed was a New York magazine opened to an article entitled "AIDS still a problem in NYC gay community"You can't make this stuff up...

Ouch!

 

[Disco Stu]

Or you could wait until the bride throws the bouquet so you can see who all the single girls are and then make your move from there.

That tends to be pretty late in the night, no? Plus all it tells you is which ones aren't married. If she's there with a boyfriend, she's not very single.

 

[Jabroniking]

True......but if she isn't married....I'd still talk to her.

 

[Woz]

The following story is true...The names have not been changed to protect the innocent...So y'all may remember my friend Lance, the 30 year old virgin...Well two years ago on New Years Eve we were at a huge house party, one of those friend of a friend of a friend sort of things...So Lance is chatting with this cute girl, and about 1 AM he comes up to my friend Mike and I and tells us that they're leaving, heading back to his and Mike's apartment...We give him the "Dude, you're finally getting laid" knowing nod, and I drop the whole Swingers "’Cause you’re growns up and you’re growns up and you’re growns up'" line on him as Mike promises he won't be back for a while, so he'll have plenty of time to work his magic...Lance leaves, and Mike and I continue partying...The next day I swing by their apartment to watch some college football, and I am treated to this amazing story:So Lance and the girl (who is from Tennessee and is leaving to go back home the next morning -- PERFECT!!) grab a cab and head back to Lance's place...There's some making out and such in the cab. nothing too crazy...They get back to Lance's room (amazingly he neither tries to take her to dinner nor watch Saw at this point), and they start going at it a bit more...Lance gets her to undress (OMG A NAKED GIRL ON HIS BED!!!!!1), and he promptly begins "eating at the Y"...Now Lance isn't the neatest fellow, and I've seen him eat spaghetti, so I can't even imagine what this scene looked like (nor do I really want to, for that matter)...After a bit, he asks her to reciprocate, which she refuses to do (#####!)...So they are hooking up some more, and she is really tormented about whether or not she's going to sleep with Lance or not, going through the whole "No I shouldn't, yes I will" routine...Finally, she looks at him and says, "OK, lets do it"I can only imagine Lance's brain was looking like this at this point: "You have a condom, right?"Now I picture Lance more like this: He says, "I'll be right back," and runs into Mike's room, looking for a condom...Now Mike is a bit of a lothario, so he practically has a condom dispenser on his wall...But amazingly enough, Lance cannot find one...He runs back into the room and asks her, "If I run out to get condoms, will you wait here for me?"She gives it a moment's hesitation and agrees...So Lance throws on some clothes and runs downstairs...Lance lives in Midtown Manhattan, and there is a deli on his corner, but he is both embarassed to buy condoms at the place where he gets his newspaper every day (rookie) and, being a bit of a cheapskate, he figures he can get a better deal at the Duane Reade three blocks away...Not the most athletic or graceful of folk, he nevertheless runs down the three blocks to the 24 hour Duane Reade, only to find that, being New Years Morning at 2 AM, it is closed...So he has to come back to the corner deli after all...Now every deli in NYC has condoms behind the counter, but Lance, inexperienced in these things and still embarassed, decides to wander the store looking for them...After walking around the entire store, he finally approaches the counter and asks for condoms, and now his prophylactic quest is complete!He runs back around to his apartment, takes the elevator upstairs, opens the door to his apartment...Only to find the girl pulling on her jacket and getting ready to leave... "I'm sorry," she says, "but my friends called, and I have to leave in a few hours, and I need to get back to my hotel, so I'm going to go."Lance walks her downstairs and flags down a cab...She gets into the cab, awkwardly gives him a peck on the cheek, and then gets in...She lowers the window and asks him one question:"Are you gay?" "What? No! Why would you ask that? I'm not gay!"But by then the cab had taken off down the street...Lance back to his apartment, gos into his room, and realizes that, as usual, he had left a ton of magazines and newspapers scattered around his room, but that the magazine sitting on the nightstand right next to the bed was a New York magazine opened to an article entitled "AIDS still a problem in NYC gay community"You can't make this stuff up...

Oh man. That's awesome :(Mental note: remember to pack condoms

 

[Woz]

Or you could wait until the bride throws the bouquet so you can see who all the single girls are and then make your move from there.

That tends to be pretty late in the night, no? Plus all it tells you is which ones aren't married. If she's there with a boyfriend, she's not very single.

Agreed on both accounts. If I have nothing going by that time I'll be too sloshed to try. Also, it's been my experience that the girls in the long-term relationships fight the hardest for that damn bouquet and I'm not the type to hit on another dude's girl. I know they're not married yet, but I just can't do it.

 

[Disco Stu]

I <3 Lance

 

[Tremendous Upside]

I <3 Lance

This guy is a walking disaster in all things women...The last girl he was interested in, he met at a bar, called her the next night, set something up for that upcoming weekend, and then, when he got there, she told him over the intercom that she must have been really drunk when she made the plans because she didn't remember them and was busy, sorry...

 

[Woz]

I <3 Lance

Reminds me of a friend of mine who may or may not be a member of this board who had a girl naked in a hot tub a few years ago, had yet to seal the deal ever, and was given like an hour alone with her and nothing happened.

 

[Woz]

I <3 Lance

This guy is a walking disaster in all things women...The last girl he was interested in, he met at a bar, called her the next night, set something up for that upcoming weekend, and then, when he got there, she told him over the intercom that she must have been really drunk when she made the plans because she didn't remember them and was busy, sorry...

See, now that's not his fault though and is unlucky/unfortunate

 

[Jabroniking]

I <3 Lance

This guy is a walking disaster in all things women...The last girl he was interested in, he met at a bar, called her the next night, set something up for that upcoming weekend, and then, when he got there, she told him over the intercom that she must have been really drunk when she made the plans because she didn't remember them and was busy, sorry...

Double ouch. Perhaps you need to get him on as a contestant to that VH1 show The Pickup Artist next season before you'll have to have the guy on suicide watch.

 

[Tremendous Upside]

I <3 Lance

This guy is a walking disaster in all things women...The last girl he was interested in, he met at a bar, called her the next night, set something up for that upcoming weekend, and then, when he got there, she told him over the intercom that she must have been really drunk when she made the plans because she didn't remember them and was busy, sorry...

See, now that's not his fault though and is unlucky/unfortunate

I know, but stuff like that only/always seems to happen to him with wimmen... He's a veritable

 

[ditka...mike ditka]

So I met up with that girl last night. She called me at like 845 when I had planned to be out by her at like 9 (she lives like 25 min away) and I had already figured she wasnt calling. So anyway, I hurry up and get readdy and we meet at a bar/grill about halfway. She was pretty cute but some things have me questioning it. For example, she is 24, and in october it will be her 5 year anniversary of not having a drink because she said she was an alcoholic when she was like 18-19. Which is ok, but she is thinking about celebrating her 5 year anniversary with a drink, and then starting to drink again and just control it, although her family has a long history of alcoholism. She also used to do some drugs, but again hasnt in forever, but was talking about how her job would enable her to prescribe people for certain drugs if I wanted them. Anyway, we talked for a good 4 hours and then finally called it a night. I just gave her a hug goodbye and left it at that. Not sure if im going to call her or not.

woah. usually girls like to make themselves look good on a first date. psycho. i've had several teenage-aged alcoholics as clients. most seemed like good people but man their life-paths are a disaster. dependency is often an offshoot of depression, anger issues, or a tendency to succumb to peer pressure which suggest a weak mind. she may be cute, but i certainly wouldn't want a buddy of mine dating a girl like her.

update on this:So Saturday I was drinking, and she called me. She was talking and saying she wasnt going to go out cause she was "on call" and has to be able to get to the hospital within a half hour if they call. So i tell her where I am going out, she asks what town it is in and I think nothing of it. After we hang up she calls like 20 min later and she said she just mapquested where I am going, and it is like 40 min, but she is bored so is going to come even though she is on call. I explain to her Im already completely trashed at this point, but she says she will still come. So I'm at this bar with about 25 friends for a going away party, and she shows up about 1030. She is there for about a half hour, we are dancing having a good time and what not, and then a buddy of mine gets kicked out of the bar for no reason at all. The owner just told the bouncer "the guy with the hat, has to to go", so we think the bouncers got our friend confused with someone else cause my friend wasnt doing anything. Anyway, this causes a couple of my drunk buddies to start arguing with the bouncers, so now we have like 6 bouncers telling us all of us having to leave, and of course my buddies are yelling back at the bouncers and what not (not very mature, but they are drunk). Anyway, I can tell this girl is thinking "These guys are crazy" as she had the uncomfortable look on her face. So, we finally get everyone out of the bar, and as we are walking to the car my roommate falls flat on his face because he is drunk. Literally flat on his face. He didnt trip or anything and his face hit first. So his nose is gushing, he has a fat lip, and a black eye. At this point I told him get in my car and lets just get home, but the girl wont let me drive, so she offers to drive us to a freinds where everyone is going that is close. I accept. On the way she starts lecturing me about how my friends are immature and how we act like she did "when i was 18-19". I wasnt to happy about that because they are my friends, and it was a going away party, so we definitely did some extra drinking, but i didnt think it was her place to say anything. Finally, we get to the place we are going and we are getting out and she says somthing to the extent like "i hope everyone here isnt acting like the little kids they were acting like at the bar." That was enough for me. I said in a very calm matter "im sorry my friends are wasted because a good friend is moving accross country and its one of the last times we will drink with him for awhile. Maybe if we were alcoholics like you were when we were teenagers we would be holding our liquer better right now" to which she said somthing like "dont judge me, you dont know me" and i just asked "and how well do you know my friends that you have been judging and putting down the last 15 min while I bit my lip?"....she just turned and went to her car....im assuming she made it home ok..havent heard from her.

 

[Alias]

the term you are looking for is "face plant"

 

[Woz]

So I met up with that girl last night. She called me at like 845 when I had planned to be out by her at like 9 (she lives like 25 min away) and I had already figured she wasnt calling. So anyway, I hurry up and get readdy and we meet at a bar/grill about halfway. She was pretty cute but some things have me questioning it. For example, she is 24, and in october it will be her 5 year anniversary of not having a drink because she said she was an alcoholic when she was like 18-19. Which is ok, but she is thinking about celebrating her 5 year anniversary with a drink, and then starting to drink again and just control it, although her family has a long history of alcoholism. She also used to do some drugs, but again hasnt in forever, but was talking about how her job would enable her to prescribe people for certain drugs if I wanted them. Anyway, we talked for a good 4 hours and then finally called it a night. I just gave her a hug goodbye and left it at that. Not sure if im going to call her or not.

woah. usually girls like to make themselves look good on a first date. psycho. i've had several teenage-aged alcoholics as clients. most seemed like good people but man their life-paths are a disaster. dependency is often an offshoot of depression, anger issues, or a tendency to succumb to peer pressure which suggest a weak mind. she may be cute, but i certainly wouldn't want a buddy of mine dating a girl like her.

update on this:So Saturday I was drinking, and she called me. She was talking and saying she wasnt going to go out cause she was "on call" and has to be able to get to the hospital within a half hour if they call. So i tell her where I am going out, she asks what town it is in and I think nothing of it. After we hang up she calls like 20 min later and she said she just mapquested where I am going, and it is like 40 min, but she is bored so is going to come even though she is on call. I explain to her Im already completely trashed at this point, but she says she will still come. So I'm at this bar with about 25 friends for a going away party, and she shows up about 1030. She is there for about a half hour, we are dancing having a good time and what not, and then a buddy of mine gets kicked out of the bar for no reason at all. The owner just told the bouncer "the guy with the hat, has to to go", so we think the bouncers got our friend confused with someone else cause my friend wasnt doing anything. Anyway, this causes a couple of my drunk buddies to start arguing with the bouncers, so now we have like 6 bouncers telling us all of us having to leave, and of course my buddies are yelling back at the bouncers and what not (not very mature, but they are drunk). Anyway, I can tell this girl is thinking "These guys are crazy" as she had the uncomfortable look on her face. So, we finally get everyone out of the bar, and as we are walking to the car my roommate falls flat on his face because he is drunk. Literally flat on his face. He didnt trip or anything and his face hit first. So his nose is gushing, he has a fat lip, and a black eye. At this point I told him get in my car and lets just get home, but the girl wont let me drive, so she offers to drive us to a freinds where everyone is going that is close. I accept. On the way she starts lecturing me about how my friends are immature and how we act like she did "when i was 18-19". I wasnt to happy about that because they are my friends, and it was a going away party, so we definitely did some extra drinking, but i didnt think it was her place to say anything. Finally, we get to the place we are going and we are getting out and she says somthing to the extent like "i hope everyone here isnt acting like the little kids they were acting like at the bar." That was enough for me. I said in a very calm matter "im sorry my friends are wasted because a good friend is moving accross country and its one of the last times we will drink with him for awhile. Maybe if we were alcoholics like you were when we were teenagers we would be holding our liquer better right now" to which she said somthing like "dont judge me, you dont know me" and i just asked "and how well do you know my friends that you have been judging and putting down the last 15 min while I bit my lip?"....she just turned and went to her car....im assuming she made it home ok..havent heard from her.

Psycho. Reminds me of the abortion chick where she couldn't handle it when I simply did to her what she had been doing the whole time. Obviously her issue was alcohol so she should have been smart enough not to engage. A normal girl here understand drunken rowdiness. What'd she expect when she practically invited herself?

 

[parasaurolophus]

The following story is true...The names have not been changed to protect the innocent...So y'all may remember my friend Lance, the 30 year old virgin...Well two years ago on New Years Eve we were at a huge house party, one of those friend of a friend of a friend sort of things...So Lance is chatting with this cute girl, and about 1 AM he comes up to my friend Mike and I and tells us that they're leaving, heading back to his and Mike's apartment...We give him the "Dude, you're finally getting laid" knowing nod, and I drop the whole Swingers "’Cause you’re growns up and you’re growns up and you’re growns up'" line on him as Mike promises he won't be back for a while, so he'll have plenty of time to work his magic...Lance leaves, and Mike and I continue partying...The next day I swing by their apartment to watch some college football, and I am treated to this amazing story:So Lance and the girl (who is from Tennessee and is leaving to go back home the next morning -- PERFECT!!) grab a cab and head back to Lance's place...There's some making out and such in the cab. nothing too crazy...They get back to Lance's room (amazingly he neither tries to take her to dinner nor watch Saw at this point), and they start going at it a bit more...Lance gets her to undress (OMG A NAKED GIRL ON HIS BED!!!!!1), and he promptly begins "eating at the Y"...Now Lance isn't the neatest fellow, and I've seen him eat spaghetti, so I can't even imagine what this scene looked like (nor do I really want to, for that matter)...After a bit, he asks her to reciprocate, which she refuses to do (#####!)...So they are hooking up some more, and she is really tormented about whether or not she's going to sleep with Lance or not, going through the whole "No I shouldn't, yes I will" routine...Finally, she looks at him and says, "OK, lets do it"I can only imagine Lance's brain was looking like this at this point: "You have a condom, right?"Now I picture Lance more like this: He says, "I'll be right back," and runs into Mike's room, looking for a condom...Now Mike is a bit of a lothario, so he practically has a condom dispenser on his wall...But amazingly enough, Lance cannot find one...He runs back into the room and asks her, "If I run out to get condoms, will you wait here for me?"She gives it a moment's hesitation and agrees...So Lance throws on some clothes and runs downstairs...Lance lives in Midtown Manhattan, and there is a deli on his corner, but he is both embarassed to buy condoms at the place where he gets his newspaper every day (rookie) and, being a bit of a cheapskate, he figures he can get a better deal at the Duane Reade three blocks away...Not the most athletic or graceful of folk, he nevertheless runs down the three blocks to the 24 hour Duane Reade, only to find that, being New Years Morning at 2 AM, it is closed...So he has to come back to the corner deli after all...Now every deli in NYC has condoms behind the counter, but Lance, inexperienced in these things and still embarassed, decides to wander the store looking for them...After walking around the entire store, he finally approaches the counter and asks for condoms, and now his prophylactic quest is complete!He runs back around to his apartment, takes the elevator upstairs, opens the door to his apartment...Only to find the girl pulling on her jacket and getting ready to leave... :( "I'm sorry," she says, "but my friends called, and I have to leave in a few hours, and I need to get back to my hotel, so I'm going to go."Lance walks her downstairs and flags down a cab...She gets into the cab, awkwardly gives him a peck on the cheek, and then gets in...She lowers the window and asks him one question:"Are you gay?" "What? No! Why would you ask that? I'm not gay!"But by then the cab had taken off down the street...Lance back to his apartment, gos into his room, and realizes that, as usual, he had left a ton of magazines and newspapers scattered around his room, but that the magazine sitting on the nightstand right next to the bed was a New York magazine opened to an article entitled "AIDS still a problem in NYC gay community"You can't make this stuff up...

Oh man. That's awesome Mental note: remember to pack condoms

side mental note to the mental note:remember to pack condoms and remember to remember that you packed them.this way when sticking your hand in your pocket reaching for cash and feeling something weird you dont pull it out to be like "wtf is this" right at the table.

 

[ditka...mike ditka]

the term you are looking for is "face plant"

haha, thats great. Thats actually what our softball team has been calling him since. When our coach called out the lineups he even announced him as faceplant.

 

[Jabroniking]

So, here I am sitting here at work minding my own business. Today is a female co-worker's last day. She is moving on to a different company. The girl is fine....that's all I can say. So, she comes up to me right before she is leaving and drops a bombshell on me. She tells me it was great working with me and that she has had a crush on me for the last year but never said anything because she doesn't mix business with pleasure. But now that she no longer works with our company all bets are off. She hands me a piece of paper with her number and address and tells me she has decided that I am taking her out tomorrow and to pick her up at 9:00. She leans over, kisses my cheek and tells me don't be late and then walks away smiling. She did this in front of everyone so you can only imagine how I'm getting ribbed right now. I have never been asked out by any girl, yet alone one of this calibur. I usually am the one doing the approaching and running game. This girl has peaked my interest....she's got game!

 

[Keys Myaths]

Okay, so I've been on eHarmony a while now.

This is the first time I've seen this "must-have":

Abstinent...... I must have a spouse who has saved himself/herself sexually for marriage.

:closematch:

 

[Tremendous Upside]

Okay, so I've been on eHarmony a while now.This is the first time I've seen this "must-have":Abstinent...... I must have a spouse who has saved himself/herself sexually for marriage.:closematch:

Forward it to Lance

 

[Tremendous Upside]

So, here I am sitting here at work minding my own business. Today is a female co-worker's last day. She is moving on to a different company. The girl is fine....that's all I can say. So, she comes up to me right before she is leaving and drops a bombshell on me. She tells me it was great working with me and that she has had a crush on me for the last year but never said anything because she doesn't mix business with pleasure. But now that she no longer works with our company all bets are off. She hands me a piece of paper with her number and address and tells me she has decided that I am taking her out tomorrow and to pick her up at 9:00. She leans over, kisses my cheek and tells me don't be late and then walks away smiling. She did this in front of everyone so you can only imagine how I'm getting ribbed right now. I have never been asked out by any girl, yet alone one of this calibur. I usually am the one doing the approaching and running game. This girl has peaked my interest....she's got game!

That's awesome...