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Roschon Johnson’s career at Texas:
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All-Name Mock Draft (from Reddit)
- Carolina Panthers - QB Dresser Winn, University of Tennesee-Martin - The Panthers gave up a haul for the top pick this year, making it quite clear that they’re going up for a future franchise QB. Unfortunately, the all-name QB class this year is relatively weak, with only a couple of first round prospects. The Panthers nab the top guy here. Named after a piece of furniture with a last name that gives him an automatic +10 to his win
probability, Winn has been the odds-on favorite at this pick for months.
- Houston Texans - EDGE Wardalis “Duck” Ducksworth, Memphis - The first surprise of the draft comes early, as the Texans don’t draft a QB, instead opting for the best-name-available in edge rusher Wardalis Ducksworth. I don’t know what to say that his name doesn’t say for itself. A first name that I’m pretty sure nobody else in the world has, a last name that sounds like it comes from English royalty, and a pithy animal nickname. Ducksworth should be a menace to QBs for the next decade at least.
- Arizona Cardinals - DT Blessman Ta’ala, Hawai’i - Ta’ala has arrived to shower the Arizona defense with his blessings. Praise be to the bless man.
- Indianapolis Colts - QB Braxton Burmeister, San Diego State - This is probably a bit of reach, but the Colts QB situation is dire, and they think they have the roster to compete if they can find the right QB. Burmeister provides alliteration and a silly-sounding last name. His name could be the comic relief in a Marvel comic, and that’s good enough to take a shot on here.
- Seattle Seahawks - OG Poutasi Poutasi, Northern Arizona University - Seahawks need help on the interior OL, and this guy has the name so nice they named it twice.
- Detroit Lions - DT Maximillian “Maxi” Hradecny, Duquesne University - 10 dollars to the first American to correctly pronounce “Hradecny”. Between that word scramble and the regal “Maximillian” which he has hilariously shortened to the name of a feminine hygiene product, this is a 10/10 nose tackle prospect.
- Las Vegas Raiders - K Briggs Bourgeois, Southern Miss - Maybe I’ve overplayed the joke at this point by using it in every one of these drafts, but “Raiders get a specialist with their first round pick” is an objectively hilarious meme, and I will listen to no comments to the contrary. Briggs Bourgeois has come to kick the dreams of the proletariat.
- Atlanta Falcons - CB Devious Christmon, Bethel University TN - This year’s version of Divine Deablo, I’m pretty sure that Devious Christmon is the antichrist hiding in plain sight. But he should be a hell of a CB until the day that he kickstarts the end of days.
- Chicago Bears - OT Ye’Majesty Sanders, Jacksonville State - Ye’Majesty’s 26.5 inch arms aren’t going to stop him from claiming dominion over the league which is his by birthright. Bow down to your majesty Ye’Majesty Sanders.
- Philadelphia Eagles - EDGE Shaheem Haltiwanger, Towson - This year’s winner of the “most Key & Peele name of the draft” award makes his way to Philadelphia.
- Tennesee Titans - WR Yo’Heinz Tyler, Ball State - The first receiver comes off the board, and he’s a good one. Every time you say his first name, you greet a ketchup bottle, and that’s just fantastic.
- Houston Texans - WR Mac Hippenhammer, Miami University (Ohio) - Having spurned the top QB prospects, Houston needs to surround their current QB room with more receiving talent. Hippenhammer’s name sounds like MC Hammer’s white alter ego.
- New York Jets - OT Malaesala Aumavae-Laulu, Oregon - I could totally be pronouncing his name wrong, but if I’m not, then “Sala” has 13 syllables in his name, and syllables count for a lot in this world.
- New England Patriots - CB Kyu Blu Kelly, Stanford - Kelly has two first names and no middle name, which is pretty cool. Also pretty confident that he is the only person in the world named “Kyu Blu”.
- Green Bay Packers - TE Maverick Wolfley, West Florida - The all-name tight end class is not very deep, but the Packers snag the clear top prospect. With a name like “Maverick,” he may need some disciplined coaching to keep him in line, but if that’s done right, Wolfley could be a perennial pro-bowler at the position.
- Washington Commanders - OT Jacky Chen, Pace University - Yes, his name is technically not Jackie Chan, but it’s going to sound like that every time the announcer says his name. And who wouldn’t want the Drunken Master protecting their QB’s blind side?
- Pittsburgh Steelers - CB Kortney Cox, Florida A&M - The Steelers snag the star of the hit 90s-00s sitcom Friends. I figured she’d be too old to play football at this point, but she had a relatively productive career with the Rattlers, so I’m certainly not in a position to age-shame.
- Detroit Lions - LB Seyddrick Lakalaka, San Diego State - The Lions continue to build their defense with a LB who was named by his mother while she was speaking tongues (probably).
- Tampa Bay Buccaneers - S Chris Bacon, Bowling Green - I searched far and wide to find this guy’s middle name, but I couldn’t. However, I’m going to mock him here just in case his middle name starts with a P. There’s like, a 1/26 chance, right? And if it doesn’t, I’m sure the Bucs could convince him to legally change it.
- Seattle Seahawks - EDGE Habbakuk Baldonado, Pitt - A biblical prophet. This man knows what the offense is going to do before they do.
- Miami Dolphins - C Chandler Dolphin, Utah State - I am officially reinstating this previously forfeited pick because I absolutely had to mock the guy named Dolphin to the Dolphins. Sure, they have a center, but Connor Williams can always shift out to guard. Nobody should deny Dolphin to the Dolphins.
- Los Angeles Chargers - WR Chancellor Brewington, Nebraska - Chancellor Brewington sounds like the cartoonish rich kid bully who just moved to the TV small town from his mansion in Newport.
- Baltimore Ravens - CB De’Jahn “Nugget” Warren, Jackson State - I tend to avoid names that are only great because of their nicknames, but when you combine this guy’s first name with his nickname, it sounds like “dijon nugget”, which is delicious.
- MInnesota Vikings - LB Reidgee Dimanche, Stony Brook - I realize LB isn’t a top need for Minnesota, but there are too many good LB names, I was running out of slots, and it was at least listed as a secondary need. This is an incredible spelling of “Reggie,” and Dimanche is a fun last name to say as well.
- Jacksonville Jaguars - DT Muhindo Kapapa, University of San Diego - Try to say this name only once. You can’t. You say it once, and you want to say it again. And again. And again. Muhindo Kapapa.
- New York Giants - OG Will Lay III, Georgia Tech - Not only does he expect to lay, but he will lay, and he will do it thrice.
- Dallas Cowboys - RB Percy Agyei-Obese, James Madison - I know we all debate the value of RBs in the first round, but this man’s last name is obese. Obese. Ignore the fact that it is likely pronounced oh-beh-say. His name is obese.
- Buffalo Bills - LB Exree Loe, West Virginia - What the hell kind of name is Exree? The crazy thing is, I discovered that he’s not even the first college athlete named Exree from a college with “Virginia” in its name. What are the odds of that?
- Cincinnati Bengals - RB Israel Abinkanda, Pitt - A man with abs made out of anacondas with the power of a whole damn country should have no problem holding down the Cincy backfield with Joe Mixon quite possibly on his way out.
- New Orleans Saints - DT Zion Famer, Tiffin - The Saints need to beef up their interior DL, and who better to do it than a farmer from the Promised Land.
- Philadelphia Eagles - LB Bumper Pool, Arkansas - Like I mentioned above, I don’t like using nicknames, but here’s the thing. Bumper Pool legally changed his name to Bumper at age 16. No joke. Bumper Pool is his real government name.
- Kansas City Chiefs - EDGE YaYa Diaby, Louisville - YaYa can mean either nanny or grandmother depending on who you’re talking to. Either one should provide good leadership for the front seven.
I like the spotChicagoDefinitely rising up my draft board. I know, I know, sucks having Fields around. But the talent plus no major competition equals good.
I can’t tell you how happy I was to see Juice Scruggs drafted yesterday.
Please ... This guy is waaaaaay better than latavius Murray ... Could be the 2nd best RB in the draft
I have that combo in 2/5 FPCs. I don't hate it but they're vying for RB3/4 on those two and so the impact isn't necessarily huge. I have entrenched starters ahead of them (today) but if I need a Flex I may have to choose between the two.
Seems unlikely but maybe.
Right, Latavius Murray has 7,753 career yards and 57 TDs, and was a pro bowl RB once upon a time. Hell, even in year 9, he was putting up 4.4 YPC on a bad team.
6'3" 230lb back that runs like he's 180 lbs
Which has worked just fine.
I guess If you like super huge, super fast RBs that underperform. I personally think he sux
I agree with travdogg here. I would be thrilled for this guy to turn into Latavius Murray. I don't know..............I spent some time watching videos and didn't see much that blew me away. He kind of reminds me of Ryan Grant (packers). I don't see him putting foreman or herbert on the bench.
Well, that's kind of a silly point of view. Murray is going into his 11th season as a day 3 draft pick with almost 8,000 career yards. We should all be striving to "underperform" to that level. Murray is about 250 rushing yards away from being in the top-75 in NFL history.
Holy crap! I have a hard time seeing a case for top-4 RB, let alone overall.
Yea I had him well into the late 2nd in a 16 team league and I said to the owner "bold pick" and he replied he needed RB help and liked his college production....to each their own...
Journeyman who has stayed healthy ... never a lead back or bell cow ... 1 x 1000 yd season (barely) , terrible short yardage/goaline guy despite his size , great size and speed but terrible vision
He signed with the Bills. He may get it.
I took him at 2.11
I took him at 2.09
We clearly define “sucks” differently. If he sucked he’d be out of the league years ago.
Overall #5 do WR's get -1 PPR ?
Respectable.
I'm in a similar league and draft right now - no PPR, start 1 RB,1WR, 3 Flex, TE not required (they are lumped in with WR). League is 25 years in and very few changes from the initial set up.They might as well. Basically, it's 12 team 20 man PPR QRRWWFKD 6 pts all TDs. Everyone takes RB early. WR fall like crazy. Many WR are available a full round, or more, later than you'd typically see them taken in most leagues.
I doubt you'll own him anywhere then (which is totally fine based on your study of him and not being that high). But I've not seen a normal mock yet where he drops out of the 2nd round. He's going at the 1/2 turn in most of them. Maybe SF/TE super premium or start 2TE he sneaks into the 3rd?
I took him at 2.01(13th) in a draft this weekend. I have Foreman but not Herbert. All the usual suspects were gone by then as well as Charb, Achane, & Miller. Considered Spears but the news about his knee caused me to pass on him.
