Redshirt Kindergarten? (1 Viewer)

[Gawain]

Middle kid (boy) is turning 4 on November 21. If he is going to not go to Kindergarten in the fall, we need to lock in his Transitional Kindergarten slot in the next few days. The district hard cutoff is December 1, so he would be very close to being the youngest if we decided to send him. From my (biased I'm sure) viewpoint, he's ready for Kindergarten. He knows his numbers, letters, shapes and colors. He is in Pre-K this year and seems to do OK to well socially. But, he's 50% on height/weight so would be smaller amongst boys that could be 1+ year older than him. While holding him back a year isn't prohibitively expensive, another year of pre-K is a bit more than $4K, so there's a cost consideration as well. 

I tend to lean towards holding him back, letting him be one of the oldest in his class, starting K at 5 and turning 6 in November, but I'm worried that he'll just take the next year and not be challenged. If he's going to get a gap year at some point in his life, I know I'd have rather had one at 17 or at 21 than at 4.

I'm worried though that if he goes at 4 he'll struggle socially. He's not athletically gifted, but likes sports. It will be a struggle to compete against kids that could be 20% older than him. While that gap will lessen as all of them age I don't want him to be discouraged.

What did you do with your cutoff kid?

 

[ChiefD]

Our cutoff here is August 31 and my daughter is a July birth. We sent her to kindergarten right when she turned 5. She is certainly one of the youngest in her class and one of the smallest but don't regret the decision. She is smarter than me now at age 11. 

In your case, your son would be pretty young if he's already in kindergarten starting next fall and not turning 5 until late November. If I was in this situation I would wait a year.  If he is really into sports that extra year will mean A LOT when competing against kids his own age/size. 

I have a November son who is one of the oldest in his class but because of his birth year he is one of the youngest in his hockey group. He plays second year Bantam as an 8th grader and he has guys on his team that are freshman in high school.

 

[Chris B.]

I was born in December and my parents sent me off to school to be the youngest in just about every class my entire life. No big deal. It turns out that by middle school many of my classmates were young too (born in November). And in high school, a girl in our graduating class was only 15. Let your kid get a head start; he sounds smart so he'll adapt. And all the physical stuff evens out in the end anyway.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

I guess I was the cutoff kid lo these many years ago.  I went to pre-school when I was 3, so I was 4 when kindergarten started.  My two friends had summer birthdays, but mine is in November.   (Chicago's cut-off was Dec 1.)  Rather than separate me from my friends, my parents just sent me along.  I was really social and just loved it.  I was the youngest kid in class until college.  

I figure this is kid specific.  If you can just go back to pre-K if it doesn't work out, you may want to see how he does.  I would have been miserable not going along with my friends.

 

[TLEF316]

My brother was a September birthday.  My parents sent him to K and it was not the correct decision. (Our school system had a grade between k and 1 that could have been an option but I'm not sure why he didn't do that)

Hes perfectly fine now 25+ years later (has a good career, no issues) but he always struggled in school and it really screwed him in sports ( he was an incredibly skilled athlete but always behind the strength/size curve). Didn't turn 18 until after he got to college. 

So yeah, if I ever have kids, I would hold them if possible. 

 

[sho nuff]

Cutoff way earlier here.  When my son was about to turn 5...it was October something or other.  We started him early (so he started before he turned 5).  For him, it was the right move with friends he already knew, his social development and just ready.  He has made good grades, done well at sports and other activities.

My worry, and a thought that is long in the future for you (but next year for my son) is starting college at 17.  There are already some of his friends that are 18 and he has missed out on a couple concerts that were 18+ shows.  Would only be a month for him (if he chooses to attend traditional college...TN has free community college for 2 years and he may opt to stay at home, keep working and knock out some English, Math, History type classes for free and save money).

Just a different consideration when peers around him will get their license quicker and be able to do things ahead of your child.

 

[Gally]

We held back our boy (late Oct) and recommend doing so.  He was ready for K when he was 4 but we thought he would gain on the back end by being older in high school for sports and or maturity reasons.  He is now a sophomore and have no regrets in the decision.  This is what I would highly recommend.  

 

[Don Quixote]

I was born in September and one of the youngest in my grade. If he's ready for it, I would send without hesitation. I put a lot more on being challenged and developing academically, as opposed to being one of the smallest in class for sports.

 

[mr. furley]

was also an early entry, then bypassed kindergarten so pretty far behind maturity wise and age wise in school.

looking back i wish my parents had let me go with the right group and not allowed me to skip K. 

my oldest is a late August birthday and started early. she's 1 year younger than all her peers. in middle school, HS next year. she seems to be handling it well. she's mature and got a good head on her shoulders.

problem is these early grades aren't really a challenge unless your kid is truly struggling due to outside factors, some learning disability, etc. so the schools and parents just push kids along.. but those kids might not be climbing the hill as quickly as their classmates who are 12-18 months older. before you know if they're 13 as a freshman with some of their classmates starting driver's ed the summer after freshman year. there's just such a huge gap in maturity level.

i'd advocate not starting early. better to graduate at 18, turning 19 before freshman year of college.. than to graduate at 16/17 and head off to college.

 

[Gally]

I was born in December and my parents sent me off to school to be the youngest in just about every class my entire life. No big deal. It turns out that by middle school many of my classmates were young too (born in November). And in high school, a girl in our graduating class was only 15. Let your kid get a head start; he sounds smart so he'll adapt. And all the physical stuff evens out in the end anyway.

This is not true.  If you are going to play High School sports this does not even out.  Being one of the oldest and physically mature is a huge advantage and is obvious in 90% of the kids out there. 

 

[belljr]

Daughter is 3 days before cutoff.  Oct 1st.

We started her "early".  Academically it was never an issue, socially a little.  She is the youngest in her class and athletically it may have held her back maybe a little. Most of her sports outside of hs are by age anyway.  I don't have any regrets tbh. Sure another year she could have developed athletically but she's pretty solid now.  I hated being the oldest in class. I didn't graduate until I was 23. She will be 21 from college.   Most of her friends  are only 6 months older if not less, so in the end I don't regret it

ETA: SHe is a junior now.   Turned 16 in September

 

[Gally]

Daughter is 3 days before cutoff.  Oct 1st.

We started her "early".  Academically it was never an issue, socially a little.  She is the youngest in her class and athletically it may have held her back maybe a little. Most of her sports outside of hs are by age anyway.  I don't have any regrets tbh. Sure another year she could have developed athletically but she's pretty solid now.  I hated being the oldest in class. I didn't graduate until I was 23. She will be 21 from college.   Most of her friends  are only 6 months older if not less, so in the end I don't regret it

I do think the maturing happens different for boys and girls and being on the young side for a girl isn't as bad (physically) as it is for a boy if they are into sports.  Our daughter (Nov) started early and she was fine for everything (including sports).  We waited on the boy (October) and it has worked out well as he is now a sophomore.  His first growth spurt just happened so if we has a junior instead of a sophomore it would be a much bigger detriment athletically.  Where my daughter finished growing soon after she turned 12/13 so it didn't hamper her athletically.  

As someone said upthread it is an individual decision by kid but I would lean towards holding back (especially for boys).  

 

[The Iguana]

My kids birthdays fall on either side of the deadline. Thus, my older daughter was one of the oldest in her class, my younger daughter was one of the youngest. Both did fine and I'm not sure that holding one back or sending the other sooner would have had huge implications either way. The mere fact you are asking this question shows that you care as a parent and will provide them with the support they will need either way.

As a few have already highlighted, there are advantages and disadvantages to both decisions. Just a matter of you weighing those factors and deciding which works best in little gaiwan's future, IMO. Not sure anyone here is really going to have the perfect answer for your own situation. 

For me the choice is really about balancing 2 factors - 1) emotional/social/physical maturity and 2) intellectual ability. If he is ready on both counts, send him, IMO. If he needs time for one to develop a little more, give him that time. 

 

[SWC]

hold him back like three or four years you might not be thinking about it now but nothing is sweeter than having your kid drive themself to 6th grade and getting all that time back take that to the bank brohans 

 

[Manster]

Son was born in August.  He's 4th grade now, but i wish we'd have redshirted him.  He's finally gotten to a point where he's kind of on par maturity-wise I believe. My daughter was same....August baby.... but it was not an issue for her.  Both my kids have ended being nearly the youngest in their respective classes.  I think the trend is definitely to wait a year before kindergarten, at least where we live.

  I think boys especially can def benefit from being a year older, and a year more mature......that said, each kid is different.

 

[El Floppo]

shark move is holding them back 2 years. we held ours back 4 years... money. 

tbh, while I get it... the kids just past the cutoff who are the oldest are generally more developed across the board in the beginning of Kindergarten and seem to have an advantage... my limited experience with two kids is that by the end of K the kids were all basically the same. Maybe sometimes that extends into 1st or 2nd grade with a couple kids.. .but otherwise I'm not seeing the advantage or disadvantage (caveat, Yes, there are differences with school sports- but club sports are by calendar year. 

here in NYC, the DOE doesn't allow red-shirting. if you're born between Jan 1 and Dec 31 in Public School, you're in that grade. Redshirting here is the realm of Private Schools, where parents want their kid to have an advantage. But there are still always the kids who are Dec vs Jan or whatever else the cutoff point is. 

 

[Don Quixote]

Another thought to add.... I have a son in Kindergarten now. The teacher has said that this year has the widest gap that she has seen between students in 20 years of teaching, and she feels like she is teaching two different groups of kids this year. Always some separation, but the gap is pretty wide this year. She can really tell the kids that went to Pre-K and are ready for Kindergarten, and those that were not in Pre-K and not ready either academically or socially (maybe staying home because of Covid, family could not afford financially, or other reasons).

That is my way of saying just being in Pre-K may be enough to put him on the right side academically and socially in these times.

 

[El Floppo]

hold him back like three or four years you might not be thinking about it now but nothing is sweeter than having your kid drive themself to 6th grade and getting all that time back take that to the bank brohans 

shark move is holding them back 2 years. we held ours back 4 years... money. 

 

[belljr]

I do think the maturing happens different for boys and girls and being on the young side for a girl isn't as bad (physically) as it is for a boy if they are into sports.  Our daughter (Nov) started early and she was fine for everything (including sports).  We waited on the boy (October) and it has worked out well as he is now a sophomore.  His first growth spurt just happened so if we has a junior instead of a sophomore it would be a much bigger detriment athletically.  Where my daughter finished growing soon after she turned 12/13 so it didn't hamper her athletically.  

As someone said upthread it is an individual decision by kid but I would lean towards holding back (especially for boys).  

I dont disagree with this thought.  She was done growing her freshman year.  Any "issues" we have had is/was maturity, social "awkwardness".   That carried over a little in sports but not much

 

[nysfl2]

My daughter was a Dec 5 birthday, with the same Dec 1 cutoff. She was ready to start kindergarten early, but we held off until the next year. She was also given the offer to skip a grade at some point along the line. 

She just left for college this fall, and we were thrilled that we got the extra year with her before she left the nest.

 

[Manster]

I'll add that COVID with a young 2nd/3rd grader on a Chromebook was a nightmare......I don't think being a year younger than most of his classmates helped

 

[DA RAIDERS]

redshirt him.  i graduated young, nov bday.  i was always the youngest and was usually the smallest kid. i would have much rather have been a year older.  especially in HS

 

[the moops]

AUG 31 cutoff here. Both our boys were small and shy. They have June and July birthdays. We didn't think that kindergarten was that big of a deal either way so we sent them. One kid did kindergarten twice, the other did first grade twice.

I think that is a better route than skipping a year. For you never know. Send them to K and if they struggle, just have them do it again.

I have a late AUG birthday and was always the smallest and youngest in my classes. While I was fine academically, and played a couple varsity sports, I was immature and totally would have benefited from being a year older

 

[top dog]

BIG fan of redshirting for Kindergarten. Our grandson has a July birthday and is currently 4. He is in his first year of preschool this year. The school his parents have him in has two levels of preschool. He will take the other one next year. Having him going into K having just turned 6 vs just turning 5 is a big advantage for boys IMO. They develop slower than girls behaviorally in most cases and being one of the older kids rather than younger helps a lot in High School. Especially if they turn out to be athletes. 

Our youngest son had some learning disabilities and struggled through most of school. Didn't really get comfortable until he was in high school. I very much regret not holding him back to start grade school. I think maturity would have kicked in a year earlier and he would have been better off. 

 

[arrow1]

RS Kindergarten..Scholarship... 

 

[SteevieG]

This is not true.  If you are going to play High School sports this does not even out.  Being one of the oldest and physically mature is a huge advantage and is obvious in 90% of the kids out there. 

Yeah, I got hosed.  Mid-November birthday and was playing HS Baseball with guys in my class almost a whole year older than me.  Graduated when I was 17.  Got to college and I was outclassed by those same type of guys.  Had I been held back a year thing might have been better.  But who knows.

 

[Phil Elliott]

This is becoming standard practice, especially with athletic perspective. We had some sharp daughters and discussed with K teacher about moving up to first grade. Her advice (correctly) advised yes they could handle it from a academic perspective but think about the emotional perspective during the pre-teen/teen years as kids start dating,etc. Best decision was not to move them up.

 

[culdeus]

This is becoming standard practice, especially with athletic perspective. We had some sharp daughters and discussed with K teacher about moving up to first grade. Her advice (correctly) advised yes they could handle it from a academic perspective but think about the emotional perspective during the pre-teen/teen years as kids start dating,etc. Best decision was not to move them up.

Yeah, there is a sweet spot here that's overlooked.  You get benefits now for pain later.  Most people pick the benefits now.

When you start red shirting kids that are turning 16 as Freshman, you are doing it wrong.  Probably the cutoff needs to be somewhere around April Fools day unless special needs.

 

[Dezbelief]

What's the age gap between middle and youngest?

 

[Kal El]

August birthday for me, had a October 1 cutoff, so I was constantly one of the youngest in my class. My 2 younger kids have November birthdays, but we started them in kindergarten at 5, and while they’re definitely bright enough to handle a higher grade, it’s better for their social skills to be with peers.

 

[SouthJersey]

We had the same decision this year.  Sept birthday with a December cutoff.  We decided to enroll in Kindergarten.  Our main thought was if things turn for the worse with COVID and there are lockdowns/remote school we can always just have her repeat K next school year.

 

[Gally]

For all the people on the start now track saying if the kid can't handle one of the early grades they will just hold them back I think is a bad approach.  Although the stigma of being held back probably isn't as bad as it once was it will still be there. 

Really the idea of holding them to start until older is about the back end advantage for things other than school (maturity - both social and physical).  In many cases the early advantage/disadvantage is easier to overcome than the later ones.  

 

[whoknew]

If you think he may be into sports, I'd recommend holding him back. 

 

[mr. furley]

hold him back like three or four years you might not be thinking about it now but nothing is sweeter than having your kid drive themself to 6th grade and getting all that time back take that to the bank brohans 

swear to god Fat Mike had a moustache in 4th grade

dude used to smoke heaters at recess

 

[mr. furley]

we were thrilled that we got the extra year with her before she left the nest.

this can't be overlooked

Americans are too eager to want our kids to grow up and leave. what's the rush?

 

[Gawain]

What's the age gap between middle and youngest?

Daughter is 5 (April) and just started K this year. Middle kid, boy is almost 4 (November 21) and the one in question. Youngest is 2 (July) and will start in 2024 with no redshirt option (I think).

Right now the middle one is much closer developmentally to his eldest sister, but that's to be expected.

Yeah, I got hosed.  Mid-November birthday and was playing HS Baseball with guys in my class almost a whole year older than me.  Graduated when I was 17.  Got to college and I was outclassed by those same type of guys.  Had I been held back a year thing might have been better.  But who knows.

I get the sports aspect, but with the genes he inherited he's not going to be fending off D-1 teams with a stick. The arguments around driving, dating and socializing ring louder. Also, four grand would buy a fair number of private lessons that may be more helpful in the long run.

better to graduate at 18, turning 19 before freshman year of college.. than to graduate at 16/17 and head off to college.

To me, starting early may allow him to have that gap year when it's more beneficial (and fun) after graduation, especially college or mid career. At the same time, if by starting early he doesn't succeed like he would have starting later he may not be in a point to utilize extra time.

  If you can just go back to pre-K if it doesn't work out, you may want to see how he does.  I would have been miserable not going along with my friends.

Won't be able to go back to pre-K. Enrollment will close December 9 and be full well before then.

 

[Tom Servo]

Middle kid (boy) is turning 4 on November 21. If he is going to not go to Kindergarten in the fall, we need to lock in his Transitional Kindergarten slot in the next few days. The district hard cutoff is December 1, so he would be very close to being the youngest if we decided to send him. From my (biased I'm sure) viewpoint, he's ready for Kindergarten. He knows his numbers, letters, shapes and colors. He is in Pre-K this year and seems to do OK to well socially. But, he's 50% on height/weight so would be smaller amongst boys that could be 1+ year older than him. While holding him back a year isn't prohibitively expensive, another year of pre-K is a bit more than $4K, so there's a cost consideration as well. 

I tend to lean towards holding him back, letting him be one of the oldest in his class, starting K at 5 and turning 6 in November, but I'm worried that he'll just take the next year and not be challenged. If he's going to get a gap year at some point in his life, I know I'd have rather had one at 17 or at 21 than at 4.

I'm worried though that if he goes at 4 he'll struggle socially. He's not athletically gifted, but likes sports. It will be a struggle to compete against kids that could be 20% older than him. While that gap will lessen as all of them age I don't want him to be discouraged.

What did you do with your cutoff kid?

My birthday is 11/22 and my parents started me in kindergarten when I was 4.  I flamed out.  They waited a year, tried again, and I was off to the races.

However, YMMV.

 

[mr. furley]

To me, starting early may allow him to have that gap year when it's more beneficial (and fun) after graduation, especially college or mid career. At the same time, if by starting early he doesn't succeed like he would have starting later he may not be in a point to utilize extra time.

i've heard of this "gap year" concept and the only people i've known to take a "gap year" and actually go to college in the subsequent year were kids from wealthy families who traveled, didn't really have to go to school but did because it was free and they were bored.

i knew other people said they were going to wait a year, then go to school & they never did.

everyone is different, i guess. just not sure i'd be looking at gap years when the kid is 4-5.

 

[Tom Servo]

hold him back like three or four years you might not be thinking about it now but nothing is sweeter than having your kid drive themself to 6th grade and getting all that time back take that to the bank brohans 

Not to mention he'll be a stud on 3 Year Letterman's youth football team.

 

[Dezbelief]

Daughter is 5 (April) and just started K this year. Middle kid, boy is almost 4 (November 21) and the one in question. Youngest is 2 (July) and will start in 2024 with no redshirt option (I think).

So if you redshirt there will be two grades between all the kids? I like symmetry.

Edit

My brother and I are 18 months apart and were a grade apart. The sibling rivalry was fierce for everything, friends included. Spacing kids would be my recommendation. 

 

[Gally]

I get the sports aspect, but with the genes he inherited he's not going to be fending off D-1 teams with a stick. The arguments around driving, dating and socializing ring louder. Also, four grand would buy a fair number of private lessons that may be more helpful in the long run.

That shouldn't be the deciding factor (how good he is).  Just being bigger and more physically mature will be beneficial regardless of the level he is at if he plays sports.  It will make that experience much better as he isn't trying to catch up.  Plus you never know how he will develop physically/athletically at this point and he may just end up that good and having that extra year of maturity will matter. 

 

[Gally]

i've heard of this "gap year" concept and the only people i've known to take a "gap year" and actually go to college in the subsequent year were kids from wealthy families who traveled, didn't really have to go to school but did because it was free and they were bored.

i knew other people said they were going to wait a year, then go to school & they never did.

everyone is different, i guess. just not sure i'd be looking at gap years when the kid is 4-5.

I am not sure how the gap year aspect really plays in and I would think being older for the gap year would be better too.  Being over 18 will allow more flexibility as an adult to do things without needing a parent consent, etc.  

 

[Gawain]

So if you redshirt there will be two grades between all the kids? I like symmetry.

Edit

My brother and I are 18 months apart and were a grade apart. The sibling rivalry was fierce for everything, friends included. Spacing kids would be my recommendation. 

There's either one grade between eldest and middle and two between the middle and youngest (both boys) or two from eldest to middle and one between the two boys.

From a purely selfish option, the logistics of having the boys one grade apart works well, as long as they're into the same things.

That shouldn't be the deciding factor (how good he is).  Just being bigger and more physically mature will be beneficial regardless of the level he is at if he plays sports.  It will make that experience much better as he isn't trying to catch up.  Plus you never know how he will develop physically/athletically at this point and he may just end up that good and having that extra year of maturity will matter. 

The flip side is he is definitely there intellectually and seems to be there socially. I'd hate for him to twiddle his thumbs for the next two or three years and get put off of school before it even really begins.

 

[Dezbelief]

I would space the boys as much as possible.

 

[Nigel]

I don't know anybody who in the long run has regretted keeping a kid back, very little downside.

 

[Gally]

The flip side is he is definitely there intellectually and seems to be there socially. I'd hate for him to twiddle his thumbs for the next two or three years and get put off of school before it even really begins.

I think that is minor and avoided (being "put off" of school) by keeping him challenged.  You can do that as parents and if your school has the ability of some accelerated programs to keep him involved.  My son had that and it was plenty to keep him challenged.  

But I am a firm believer that the early years are easier to keep "entertained" if they are a bit ahead for awhile but you can't really make up maturity on the back end if they are slow to mature.  

 

[gianmarco]

Whenever I've heard discussions on this, I've never heard any regrets from waiting and starting them later. I've definitely heard regrets about going early.

There's very little downside to waiting even if ready for kindergarten early. There can be significant downsides for going early at virtually every level even if it can definitely work out.

 

[Gawain]

I would space the boys as much as possible.

Mind explaining the thoughts behind this?

 

[Gally]

Mind explaining the thoughts behind this?

I would assume based on competition as they get older.  

 

[belljr]

I am not sure how the gap year aspect really plays in and I would think being older for the gap year would be better too.  Being over 18 will allow more flexibility as an adult to do things without needing a parent consent, etc.  

I think this will vary by state. Here my daughter will turn 18 the 3rd week of college. So yes she will graduate at 17 from HS but it's not like she's rolling into January still 17,  some of these cutoffs seem very late, but I don't really know 

I don't know if 20-21 as a college senior will matter