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RIP Riley (2 Viewers)

Ugh no. My heart sunk when I saw the thread title. You and your family is in my prayers Shady. 

RIP Riley. 

:cry:

 
I am so sorry for you loss Shady. Words can't describe. It's something you will never get over.

If you have not lost a child you can't understand what Shady is going through. I know I can't.

I can only imagine and hope to never have to feel the pain he is going through.

My sincerest thoughts and prayers to you and your family through this incredibly difficult time.

 
shadyridr said:
Went back and forth to the hospital for 7 weeks while she was in NICU, took a ton of days off work to be at every doctor appointment, went to Early Intervention meeting and fought for her to get services, joined support groups on Facebook for pediatric stroke, ip, children with special needs, and pulmonary hypertension. Did tons of research on stroke, seizures, pulmonary hypertension, babies not gaining weight. And it was all for nothing. I can't believe she's gone. A week ago at this time was her appointment for pre surgical testing and I didn't think anything was wrong with her and now I'm planning her funeral. Life is not fair. 

The nurse for the eye care facility just called and left a message asking how the pre surgical testing went and to remember put the drops in her eyes. We had to cancel the christening party we had planned for her in October. She never had a party, I never bought her a gift, I barely took her out to do anything, we went to lego land the Monday before this all happened and cheesecake factory. It was like the only thing we ever did like a normal family. That was her great vacation. I posted pics on Facebook without a care in the world and now she's gone.
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I know you are grieving but it wasn't for nothing. You did it because you loved her and you love your family and because you're an awesome person. While she has passed on, she touched your family and friends with her love and strength; you'll have that forever. And then she spread that love and strength across the entire nation to people she never met who simply saw her pictures, became invested in her emotionally and rooted her on and cried when we heard the bad news  

Lots of people live their lives for no reason or in an empty fashion. There are criminals and bad people who may live to be a 110, and yet they won't live a life as emotionally enriching and as inspirational as she lived hers. 

 
I am so sorry. I hope you find comfort in knowing that you and your family gave Riley everything you had to give, and then gave some more. Riley was very lucky to have such a strong family surround her in the short time you had together.  Riley touched people whom you have never met and you will have her love with you forever. So no, this was not all for nothing.  My deepest condolences.

 
Capella said:
I know you are grieving but it wasn't for nothing. You did it because you loved her and you love your family and because you're an awesome person. While she has passed on, she touched your family and friends with her love and strength; you'll have that forever. And then she spread that love and strength across the entire nation to people she never met who simply saw her pictures, became invested in her emotionally and rooted her on and cried when we heard the bad news  

Lots of people live their lives for no reason or in an empty fashion. There are criminals and bad people who may live to be a 110, and yet they won't live a life as emotionally enriching and as inspirational as she lived hers. 
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:goodposting:

So sorry to hear she lost her fight, but so glad you spent more time with her in her short time than some kids get their whole life.

 
Capella said:
I know you are grieving but it wasn't for nothing. You did it because you loved her and you love your family and because you're an awesome person. While she has passed on, she touched your family and friends with her love and strength; you'll have that forever. And then she spread that love and strength across the entire nation to people she never met who simply saw her pictures, became invested in her emotionally and rooted her on and cried when we heard the bad news  

Lots of people live their lives for no reason or in an empty fashion. There are criminals and bad people who may live to be a 110, and yet they won't live a life as emotionally enriching and as inspirational as she lived hers. 
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:goodposting:

I am a mostly unemotional person when it comes to things like this. This is my first post in this thread, but I have casually kept up with this story. I saw the updated title this morning, and I was immediately very saddened. I read many of the condolences during a private moment later on, and I was a little moved to tears. Can't do much other than think about everyone involved. You're a good man shady.

 
shadyridr said:
Went back and forth to the hospital for 7 weeks while she was in NICU, took a ton of days off work to be at every doctor appointment, went to Early Intervention meeting and fought for her to get services, joined support groups on Facebook for pediatric stroke, ip, children with special needs, and pulmonary hypertension. Did tons of research on stroke, seizures, pulmonary hypertension, babies not gaining weight. And it was all for nothing. I can't believe she's gone. A week ago at this time was her appointment for pre surgical testing and I didn't think anything was wrong with her and now I'm planning her funeral. Life is not fair. 

The nurse for the eye care facility just called and left a message asking how the pre surgical testing went and to remember put the drops in her eyes. We had to cancel the christening party we had planned for her in October. She never had a party, I never bought her a gift, I barely took her out to do anything, we went to lego land the Monday before this all happened and cheesecake factory. It was like the only thing we ever did like a normal family. That was her great vacation. I posted pics on Facebook without a care in the world and now she's gone.
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I just cried at my desk shady.  So sobering reading this and putting that deeper perspective on things.  I wish this board could give you a collective hug. 

 
shadyridr said:
Went back and forth to the hospital for 7 weeks while she was in NICU, took a ton of days off work to be at every doctor appointment, went to Early Intervention meeting and fought for her to get services, joined support groups on Facebook for pediatric stroke, ip, children with special needs, and pulmonary hypertension. Did tons of research on stroke, seizures, pulmonary hypertension, babies not gaining weight. And it was all for nothing. I can't believe she's gone. A week ago at this time was her appointment for pre surgical testing and I didn't think anything was wrong with her and now I'm planning her funeral. Life is not fair. 

The nurse for the eye care facility just called and left a message asking how the pre surgical testing went and to remember put the drops in her eyes. We had to cancel the christening party we had planned for her in October. She never had a party, I never bought her a gift, I barely took her out to do anything, we went to lego land the Monday before this all happened and cheesecake factory. It was like the only thing we ever did like a normal family. That was her great vacation. I posted pics on Facebook without a care in the world and now she's gone.
Click to expand...
Thank you for sharing and please vent as you see fit. 

Just a thought on the concept of doing it for nothing. 

I have no perspective on what you're going through. But, circumstances have forced me to consider life and time and their relationship lately. 

This little girl was straight up cheated out of life. I can't deny that. 

But when you first were posting and telling us the story of this remarkable Riley, you would have given everything, I suspect, but for your son, for these few too short Weeks. She fought her guts out to get you to that one perfect normal day at Lego land and Cheesecake Factory. 

That was no where enough and it makes me want to curse the universe for taking her. 

But I hope one day you realize that day wasn't nothing. It was everything. 

I know it's a raw time and feel what you feel  But what you described sounds like a great day and I'm happy you have that. 

 
#### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### #### ####....

I'm so sorry for your loss Shady, nothing I'm going to write is going to take the pain away. 

GD ####### DAMMIT

 
My deepest condolences, Shady.  If you ever need someone to talk to about losing a child, feel free to send me a PM.  If you need someone to listen to you, whether it's to rant, cry, question why this happened or whatever, go ahead and PM.  If you feel that this loss is tearing at the fabric of your family and want to talk to someone about it, my PM inbox is open.  Lean on us.  We're here for you.

 
I've been looking at this box all day. Typed all kinds of things in here that I thought were appropriate for what you're going through. none fit, so i erased them all. So rather than try and do something impossible, I'm just going to say may God Bless your Riley, and you and your family.

She's in a better place than this jacked up world. No tubes, tests or nurses or terrorists. Just peace. You'll see her in due time and there'll be all kinds of time for for all kinds of family days. But the only way you (or her) are going to be together to do those things is if you live your life they way you would if she were here instead of waiting and watching. Don't try and become a saint or a db. Just be the man you are, the dad she (and your wife and son) loves and life will take care of the rest.

 
I'm not a religious person but I really hope there's a heaven because I miss her so so much. How am I supposed to wait 20, 30, 40 years?

 
The thing that breaks my heart the most is my Justin no longer is a big brother. He was so amazing yesterday. He finally got to visit her because we thought she was turning the corner. He knew she was very sick but I think he always assumed she would get better. When he first got there we went into another room and spoke to a social worker to prepare him. He wanted to see her but when we told him it's possible she could die he started hysterically crying. He kept asking over and over is she gonna die and we kept saying were not sure. We also told him it's possible she gets better. After he saw her I wanted to take him out of the hospital and do some normal kid stuff with him. Played some video games at the Ronald McDonald house, played pokemon go, and then we all went to shake shack. I was in a good mood because I truly believe Riley was turning the corner. Then we got a call while at shake shack to come back. The social workers stayed with Justin. They asked him if he wanted to see Riley and he said yes. He came in and we were holding her. He kissed her and then started crying and said he was scared so they took him again. They played video games with him. Then after she died he wanted to come back in. He wasn't scared anymore. He held her, he kissed her good bye, he took hand mold with her. He was so brave. No seven year old should go through that.

He was such an amazing big brother in the 8 weeks that he was with her. I truly believe he would've gotten her to walk and talk. She didn't track with her eyes but for whatever reason whenever he talked she looked right at him. They had a bond like none other and that truly breaks my heart that he'll never get to be a big brother to her.

 
shadyridr said:
The thing that breaks my heart the most is my Justin no longer is a big brother. He was so amazing yesterday. He finally got to visit her because we thought she was turning the corner. He knew she was very sick but I think he always assumed she would get better. When he first got there we went into another room and spoke to a social worker to prepare him. He wanted to see her but when we told him it's possible she could die he started hysterically crying. He kept asking over and over is she gonna die and we kept saying were not sure. We also told him it's possible she gets better. After he saw her I wanted to take him out of the hospital and do some normal kid stuff with him. Played some video games at the Ronald McDonald house, played pokemon go, and then we all went to shake shack. I was in a good mood because I truly believe Riley was turning the corner. Then we got a call while at shake shack to come back. The social workers stayed with Justin. They asked him if he wanted to see Riley and he said yes. He came in and we were holding her. He kissed her and then started crying and said he was scared so they took him again. They played video games with him. Then after she died he wanted to come back in. He wasn't scared anymore. He held her, he kissed her good bye, he took hand mold with her. He was so brave. No seven year old should go through that.

He was such an amazing big brother in the 8 weeks that he was with her. I truly believe he would've gotten her to walk and talk. She didn't track with her eyes but for whatever reason whenever he talked she looked right at him. They had a bond like none other and that truly breaks my heart that he'll never get to be a big brother to her.
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She'll be watching over her big brother for his whole life.  His own real guardian angel.  I believe they'll still always have that bond, Shady.  She'll be with you and watching over you all.  

Peace to you, your wife, and little Justin.

 
This is ####ing bull####. 

I know we've never met, but I consider you a friend Shady. I'd like to buy you about 800 beers right now. I know all I'd do is make stupid jokes because that's what I do in these situations, but I'd hope you would know it was coming from the right place. I'm ####ing furious right now that you and your family have to go through this. I don't believe in God but if I ever meet him, he'd better be able to explain to me how this is part of his plan. 

None of what you did was for nothing. Lives WILL be saved based on this, I firmly believe that. I can only hope you can find a shred of solace in that, I don't know that I would be able to. 

I'm so sorry man. I know none of this helps but it's how I feel right now. I neither feel like doling out platitudes, nor the jokes I always use as a defense mechanism. This is just what's in my heart right now. 

I only hope that if and when I am ever faced with something this tragic that I am even 1/10th as strong as you are and have been. You have my undying respect and all of my best wishes, for you, your wife, and your son. 

 
I know that it's hard to process all of the emotions that your feeling. Grief is such a strong response to our intense loss, but is a necessary one. Everyone reacts differently, and it can feel overwhelming, but you just keep plugging away. 

I lost my son four and a half years ago and one of the toughest things for me has been experiencing everyone else's suffering. You want to "be strong", and comfort your family, but you also have to tend to your own emotional needs. It took me a long time to realize that internalizing my feelings was not the same thing as "being there" for them.

Stay strong Brother

 
jamny said:
How is your wife holding up, shady?
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Same as me, lots of uncontrollable sobbing. Justin sees us and says ugh you're giving me a head ache.

I had a dream last night Riley was sick and when I woke up I realized she was gone. My heart actually hurts.

 
shadyridr said:
Her death can't be for nothing.
Click to expand...
It's not.

She got to meet her family.

She got to feel unconditional love.

She got to feel the protective touch of her mom, dad, and brother.

You, your wife, and your son got to feel the same.

You have a beautiful picture of your family.

She impacted a bunch of knuckleheads on a football message board all over the world.

She made an impact.

Her life meant everything. And without that life, none of the above happens. Her death meant that all of the above lives FOREVER.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
shadyridr said:
Same as me, lots of uncontrollable sobbing. Justin sees us and says ugh you're giving me a head ache.

I had a dream last night Riley was sick and when I woke up I realized she was gone. My heart actually hurts.
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This news hurts all of our hearts.

So sorry Shady

 
Just ####### ####... I'm just so sorry dude.

I rarely shed a tear, show emotion, or pray. I've done all 3 for your family. I know it doesn't mean much now, but I agree with all others - she'll always be a part of your family & she'll always be your little guys Guardian Angel.

I also agree that while it might not mean much with all your grieving now, she will help save lives in the future & other families won't go through this because of her.

She was here for a reason, she touched so many people, and she will help so many more. Quite an accomplishment in such a short time.

 
shadyridr said:
Same as me, lots of uncontrollable sobbing. Justin sees us and says ugh you're giving me a head ache.

I had a dream last night Riley was sick and when I woke up I realized she was gone. My heart actually hurts.
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God,  I'm so sorry.  Nothing I can say will help,  I know.  

But just look at the emotional outpouring her life has caused among a fantasy football board full of meatheads and internet tough guys.  She made a difference in a lot of people's lives, without ever having met them.  Thank you for sharing her story with us.  We're all better people because of  you and Riley. 

 
I am so sorry. Like many of us old times, you have gone from single dude, to married dude, to dad on this board. And now, you are going through the worst of the worst. There are no words I can offer to make sense of the unthinkable- no salve for the uncontrollable pain.

i would encourage you to be open to everything you and your wife feel: the grief, the doubt, the pain, the moments of joy with your son (don't feel guilty when they arise) -all of it. When you wall parts of yourself off to manage the pain, that's when you truly risk losing the most important things you have- the love and support of your family.

like biggie and Chance not long ago, you, Riley and your family inspired us with your bravery, your love, you patience- and more often than not- being better people day to day than we ever manage to be. Our thoughts and gratitude are with all of you. When things calm down and get remotely more normal, send me a pm of things that Justin is interested in- I would like to send him a drawing.

 
I have been in the shark pool this week and just saw this.  I am so sorry for your loss.  Know that you and your family have been an inspiration to us throughout this entire ordeal.  So sorry.

 
Shady, what you did was definitely NOT for nothing.  Knowing what you know now, which of those things would you not have done?  Would you want to love Riley any less?  Somehow I very much doubt it.

And speaking from the woman's point of view, you rock.  Sometimes when a woman miscarries or loses her child, the man "stays strong" for her.  Usually, she sees this as meaning he really didn't care all that much.  But you obviously care very much indeed.  Keep letting her know this, and she'll help you right back.

(And Acer is a smart cobber.  Nothing and no one can take away Justin's status as a big brother.)

 
shadyridr said:
The thing that breaks my heart the most is my Justin no longer is a big brother. He was so amazing yesterday. He finally got to visit her because we thought she was turning the corner. He knew she was very sick but I think he always assumed she would get better. When he first got there we went into another room and spoke to a social worker to prepare him. He wanted to see her but when we told him it's possible she could die he started hysterically crying. He kept asking over and over is she gonna die and we kept saying were not sure. We also told him it's possible she gets better. After he saw her I wanted to take him out of the hospital and do some normal kid stuff with him. Played some video games at the Ronald McDonald house, played pokemon go, and then we all went to shake shack. I was in a good mood because I truly believe Riley was turning the corner. Then we got a call while at shake shack to come back. The social workers stayed with Justin. They asked him if he wanted to see Riley and he said yes. He came in and we were holding her. He kissed her and then started crying and said he was scared so they took him again. They played video games with him. Then after she died he wanted to come back in. He wasn't scared anymore. He held her, he kissed her good bye, he took hand mold with her. He was so brave. No seven year old should go through that.

He was such an amazing big brother in the 8 weeks that he was with her. I truly believe he would've gotten her to walk and talk. She didn't track with her eyes but for whatever reason whenever he talked she looked right at him. They had a bond like none other and that truly breaks my heart that he'll never get to be a big brother to her.
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That she looked at your son when he spoke to her is both sweet and sad beyond words.  He was and always will be Riley's big brother.  Don't ever let him forget that.  

 
shadyridr said:
The thing that breaks my heart the most is my Justin no longer is a big brother. He was so amazing yesterday. He finally got to visit her because we thought she was turning the corner. He knew she was very sick but I think he always assumed she would get better. When he first got there we went into another room and spoke to a social worker to prepare him. He wanted to see her but when we told him it's possible she could die he started hysterically crying. He kept asking over and over is she gonna die and we kept saying were not sure. We also told him it's possible she gets better. After he saw her I wanted to take him out of the hospital and do some normal kid stuff with him. Played some video games at the Ronald McDonald house, played pokemon go, and then we all went to shake shack. I was in a good mood because I truly believe Riley was turning the corner. Then we got a call while at shake shack to come back. The social workers stayed with Justin. They asked him if he wanted to see Riley and he said yes. He came in and we were holding her. He kissed her and then started crying and said he was scared so they took him again. They played video games with him. Then after she died he wanted to come back in. He wasn't scared anymore. He held her, he kissed her good bye, he took hand mold with her. He was so brave. No seven year old should go through that.

He was such an amazing big brother in the 8 weeks that he was with her. I truly believe he would've gotten her to walk and talk. She didn't track with her eyes but for whatever reason whenever he talked she looked right at him. They had a bond like none other and that truly breaks my heart that he'll never get to be a big brother to her.
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Thank you for sharing this shady.  I don't know you but for passing by and occasionally interacting here the past 10 years, but I find myself teary-eyed in mourning your family's loss and marveling your strength. 

 
shadyridr said:
The thing that breaks my heart the most is my Justin no longer is a big brother. He was so amazing yesterday. He finally got to visit her because we thought she was turning the corner. He knew she was very sick but I think he always assumed she would get better. When he first got there we went into another room and spoke to a social worker to prepare him. He wanted to see her but when we told him it's possible she could die he started hysterically crying. He kept asking over and over is she gonna die and we kept saying were not sure. We also told him it's possible she gets better. After he saw her I wanted to take him out of the hospital and do some normal kid stuff with him. Played some video games at the Ronald McDonald house, played pokemon go, and then we all went to shake shack. I was in a good mood because I truly believe Riley was turning the corner. Then we got a call while at shake shack to come back. The social workers stayed with Justin. They asked him if he wanted to see Riley and he said yes. He came in and we were holding her. He kissed her and then started crying and said he was scared so they took him again. They played video games with him. Then after she died he wanted to come back in. He wasn't scared anymore. He held her, he kissed her good bye, he took hand mold with her. He was so brave. No seven year old should go through that.

He was such an amazing big brother in the 8 weeks that he was with her. I truly believe he would've gotten her to walk and talk. She didn't track with her eyes but for whatever reason whenever he talked she looked right at him. They had a bond like none other and that truly breaks my heart that he'll never get to be a big brother to her.
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All of this means he is a big brother to her. To have that bond, to connect so well with her means he did get that chance and did a remarkable job of it!

 
Capella said:
I know you are grieving but it wasn't for nothing. You did it because you loved her and you love your family and because you're an awesome person. While she has passed on, she touched your family and friends with her love and strength; you'll have that forever. And then she spread that love and strength across the entire nation to people she never met who simply saw her pictures, became invested in her emotionally and rooted her on and cried when we heard the bad news  

Lots of people live their lives for no reason or in an empty fashion. There are criminals and bad people who may live to be a 110, and yet they won't live a life as emotionally enriching and as inspirational as she lived hers. 
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Excellent, Cappy.  

 
Life is so unfair and Riley is a prime example of it.  When you remember her, you will be tempted to think about what she could have been and I don't blame you for that, but please also remember what she was, which was a blessing, an inspiration, a warrior, a fighter, a daughter and a little sister to Justin.  You have shown remarkable strength and courage throughout this entire thing and I have literally cried more times reading this thread than I have cried combined in 10 years, and I'm not some stoic unemotional person.  We all love you and we all love Riley, know that she (and Justin) will always have 250 iUncles and a few iAunts looking out for them and holdings them in our thoughts  

Thank you in advance for sharing the eulogy, I will read every word even if I'm dreading it as I am not sure I'll keep it together 

please stay involved here and update us as often as you feel comfortable doing   

 
shadyridr said:
The thing that breaks my heart the most is my Justin no longer is a big brother. He was so amazing yesterday. He finally got to visit her because we thought she was turning the corner. He knew she was very sick but I think he always assumed she would get better. When he first got there we went into another room and spoke to a social worker to prepare him. He wanted to see her but when we told him it's possible she could die he started hysterically crying. He kept asking over and over is she gonna die and we kept saying were not sure. We also told him it's possible she gets better. After he saw her I wanted to take him out of the hospital and do some normal kid stuff with him. Played some video games at the Ronald McDonald house, played pokemon go, and then we all went to shake shack. I was in a good mood because I truly believe Riley was turning the corner. Then we got a call while at shake shack to come back. The social workers stayed with Justin. They asked him if he wanted to see Riley and he said yes. He came in and we were holding her. He kissed her and then started crying and said he was scared so they took him again. They played video games with him. Then after she died he wanted to come back in. He wasn't scared anymore. He held her, he kissed her good bye, he took hand mold with her. He was so brave. No seven year old should go through that.

He was such an amazing big brother in the 8 weeks that he was with her. I truly believe he would've gotten her to walk and talk. She didn't track with her eyes but for whatever reason whenever he talked she looked right at him. They had a bond like none other and that truly breaks my heart that he'll never get to be a big brother to her.
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God dang it,  it just got dusty in here :cry:

Stay strong,  man. 

 
For nearly seven years, our family was just me, wife, and Justin. That was our normal. Then Riley came along and we had a new normal for a few weeks. We were just getting used to that new normal. Now that's she gone, we are back to three again and it feels so weird and abnormal. I loved being a family of four. I loved taking care of a baby again. I loved walking her in her stroller, changing her diaper, doing things around get bottle feedings, and giving her baths in the sink. I'm so sad that we can't do that anymore.

 
shadyridr said:
The thing that breaks my heart the most is my Justin no longer is a big brother. He was so amazing yesterday. He finally got to visit her because we thought she was turning the corner. He knew she was very sick but I think he always assumed she would get better. When he first got there we went into another room and spoke to a social worker to prepare him. He wanted to see her but when we told him it's possible she could die he started hysterically crying. He kept asking over and over is she gonna die and we kept saying were not sure. We also told him it's possible she gets better. After he saw her I wanted to take him out of the hospital and do some normal kid stuff with him. Played some video games at the Ronald McDonald house, played pokemon go, and then we all went to shake shack. I was in a good mood because I truly believe Riley was turning the corner. Then we got a call while at shake shack to come back. The social workers stayed with Justin. They asked him if he wanted to see Riley and he said yes. He came in and we were holding her. He kissed her and then started crying and said he was scared so they took him again. They played video games with him. Then after she died he wanted to come back in. He wasn't scared anymore. He held her, he kissed her good bye, he took hand mold with her. He was so brave. No seven year old should go through that.

He was such an amazing big brother in the 8 weeks that he was with her. I truly believe he would've gotten her to walk and talk. She didn't track with her eyes but for whatever reason whenever he talked she looked right at him. They had a bond like none other and that truly breaks my heart that he'll never get to be a big brother to her.
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With a pregnant wife, Riley's story has hit me very hard.  So much so that I have avoided posting and at times avoided reading, but her amazing story has always brought me back.  As a dad of an 8 year old that is soooo excited that she is finally going to be a big sister in a few months, this post absolutely guts me.  I can't even imagine...

I don't have the words to express how sorry I am for your loss, shady.  I hope you and your family and especially Justin - who sounds like a pretty amazing kid - are able to find peace eventually.  Thank you for sharing her story with us.

 
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