Separated but in the same home (1 Viewer)

[Papa Georgio]

I was talking to a girl the other day and she revealed that she and her husband have been "living apart" for 6 months. After I questioned her it turns out they still live in the same house just different rooms and rarely interact. I got to wondering what is the endgame in this. I mean she's pretty young and how long would one want to live like that. It's not a financial thing as they both have very good jobs (unless there is a crap ton of debt). My ex-wife and her soon to be new ex-husband have been living like this for sometime now too, they are clearly moving to divorce so it makes more sense to me.

My question is has anyone ever been involved or know of couples similar? How did it end? Would any of you ever live like that? She never said they see other people but implied he did. My guess is she does too on some level.

 

[Abraham]

Are there kids involved? I had a sales rep who lived in the guest bedroom of her home for a couple years before she and the husband pulled the plug. They had teenage kids and would act like everything was just fine in public.

 

[Papa Georgio]

Kids are involved. I would have to think that if you live like this for months that it's not going to get better and one is just prolonging the inevitable.

 

[NutterButter]

I pretty much do this. We're more like roommates then husband and wife. The end game is being with my kids. They're 5 and 7 and there's no way I want to miss any of the day to day stuff. If they're teenagers, that a different story b/c they're pretty much living their own lives at that point. In addition, even though financially we're well off, we're much better off together than separate; 2 mortgages is a lot more than 1. The upside of getting a divorce and living separately doesn't outweigh the downside. And its not like I want to get back into the dating scene. I'm done with all of that.

 

[Cjw_55106]

I would imagine that people that live like this dont hate each other. I assume they are coodial with each other but the love that was once there is gone. Not every couple that gets divorced were constantly fighting.

 

[Sabertooth]

I don't think I'd want to live like that. But with kids that young I can see your point.

 

[NutterButter]

I pretty much do this. We're more like roommates then husband and wife. The end game is being with my kids. They're 5 and 7 and there's no way I want to miss any of the day to day stuff. If they're teenagers, that a different story b/c they're pretty much living their own lives at that point. In addition, even though financially we're well off, we're much better off together than separate; 2 mortgages is a lot more than 1. The upside of getting a divorce and living separately doesn't outweigh the downside. And its not like I want to get back into the dating scene. I'm done with all of that.

So wait...you're done with women?

Unless one falls in my lap or my marriage takes a turn for the better, essentially.

 

[Abraham]

I think the kid factor makes a huge difference.

 

[NutterButter]

I would imagine that people that live like this dont hate each other. I assume they are coodial with each other but the love that was once there is gone. Not every couple that gets divorced were constantly fighting.

Exactly. We don't fight at all.

 

[TxBuckeye]

I was surprised as I grew older to find I knew several couple in this same situation. Well, sort of. These are older couples. Kids grown and out of the house. They don't do anything together, seperate vacations, etc and so on. For most of them, I think it is financial, health coverage, and just don't feel like going through a divorce. Strikes me as odd, but it is out there a lot more than many of us realize I guess.

 

[NutterButter]

I was surprised as I grew older to find I knew several couple in this same situation. Well, sort of. These are older couples. Kids grown and out of the house. They don't do anything together, seperate vacations, etc and so on. For most of them, I think it is financial, health coverage, and just don't feel like going through a divorce. Strikes me as odd, but it is out there a lot more than many of us realize I guess.

I could really see myself like this. If you don't plan on finding another mate which I really don't, then there's not a lot of downside in this arraignment provided the relationship is very civil. Its certainly different, but for some people that are wired a certain way, it works. For most people, there's too much emotional baggage, but none of that really interferes with the practically of the arraignment in my case.

 

[Sabertooth]

Do you guys ever have sex? With each other or different partners? That would be a deal killer for me. Your kids are 5 and 7. How old are you?

 

[Papa Georgio]

I think I am just too hopeful for a better life to live like that. Trust me I understand staying together for the kids. I would never fault anyone for staying together no matter what for kids. I've been doing that for a very long time.

Nutter are you guys still physical? Do you guys see other people or would you be upset to find out she was?

 

[NutterButter]

Do you guys ever have sex? With each other or different partners? That would be a deal killer for me. Your kids are 5 and 7. How old are you?

Maybe once a quarter at most. I'm 37. My wife was never very sexual so I guess I'm used to going without it. I essentially went through 5 crazy party years in college and then met my wife in that 5th year during grad school and have been with her ever since. So this is essentially all I know.

 

[TxBuckeye]

Do you guys ever have sex? With each other or different partners? That would be a deal killer for me. Your kids are 5 and 7. How old are you?

The couples I know are having sex... with other people. Rarely together, though that does happen ocassionally. But it occurs outside the common ground. i.e. They go to the other person's house, bang some chick/dude from the bar, whatever.

 

[NutterButter]

I think I am just too hopeful for a better life to live like that. Trust me I understand staying together for the kids. I would never fault anyone for staying together no matter what for kids. I've been doing that for a very long time.

Nutter are you guys still physical? Do you guys see other people or would you be upset to find out she was?

If my life was just blah, I'd certainly change, but I'm very happy in general with my life. Its an easy life; very low stress. It would be way too much effort to change that with unknown risks and rewards. Sure, it could be even better, but it could be worse.

 

[NutterButter]

I pretty much do this. We're more like roommates then husband and wife. The end game is being with my kids. They're 5 and 7 and there's no way I want to miss any of the day to day stuff. If they're teenagers, that a different story b/c they're pretty much living their own lives at that point. In addition, even though financially we're well off, we're much better off together than separate; 2 mortgages is a lot more than 1. The upside of getting a divorce and living separately doesn't outweigh the downside. And its not like I want to get back into the dating scene. I'm done with all of that.

So wait...you're done with women?

Unless one falls in my lap or my marriage takes a turn for the better, essentially.

Huh. I remember reading or hearing some guy say that one of the benefits of getting older was no longer wanting/needing to be around women anymore because it freed up so much of his mental space and energy. Can you relate to that sentiment?

It seems so foreign to me but also kind of liberating.

Kind of. Its just not worth the effort for me. It just seems like a lot of work. No thanks.

 

[johnnycakes]

I was talking to a girl the other day and she revealed that she and her husband have been "living apart" for 6 months. After I questioned her it turns out they still live in the same house just different rooms and rarely interact. I got to wondering what is the endgame in this. I mean she's pretty young and how long would one want to live like that. It's not a financial thing as they both have very good jobs (unless there is a crap ton of debt). My ex-wife and her soon to be new ex-husband have been living like this for sometime now too, they are clearly moving to divorce so it makes more sense to me.

My question is has anyone ever been involved or know of couples similar? How did it end? Would any of you ever live like that? She never said they see other people but implied he did. My guess is she does too on some level.

Sounds to me like that girl may have been providing herself with an excuse to bang you.

 

[Al O'Pecia]

Nutter, I understand that you and your wife are separated and are no longer intimate. Does your alter ego ever have a romp with her alter ego, though? From my experience, the best way to rekindle the sexual flame with someone is to pretend that someone is someone else.

 

[johnnycakes]

I think I am just too hopeful for a better life to live like that. Trust me I understand staying together for the kids. I would never fault anyone for staying together no matter what for kids. I've been doing that for a very long time.

Nutter are you guys still physical? Do you guys see other people or would you be upset to find out she was?

If my life was just blah, I'd certainly change, but I'm very happy in general with my life. Its an easy life; very low stress. It would be way too much effort to change that with unknown risks and rewards. Sure, it could be even better, but it could be worse.

You really should go to China.

 

[NutterButter]

I think I am just too hopeful for a better life to live like that. Trust me I understand staying together for the kids. I would never fault anyone for staying together no matter what for kids. I've been doing that for a very long time.

Nutter are you guys still physical? Do you guys see other people or would you be upset to find out she was?

If my life was just blah, I'd certainly change, but I'm very happy in general with my life. Its an easy life; very low stress. It would be way too much effort to change that with unknown risks and rewards. Sure, it could be even better, but it could be worse.

You really should go to China.

So I hear. So just book a ticket to china and the rest will just take care of itself? Sounds too easy.

 

[NutterButter]

Nutter, I understand that you and your wife are separated and are no longer intimate. Does your alter ego ever have a romp with her alter ego, though? From my experience, the best way to rekindle the sexual flame with someone is to pretend that someone is someone else.

Christ, that sounds like a lot of imagination.

 

[KarmaPolice]

I think that people who do this for the kids are underestimating what kids can feel and pick up on. I get the impulse of not wanting to miss out on their daily lives, but that is a selfish reason at the end of the day. I think it's better to rip off the bandaid, have more hurt right away and heal and move on than have mom and dad pretending to be happy and barely interacting with each other.

Also, they do form their ideas of relationships by watching you guys. Try to have the healthiest one you can have for their sake.

My parents were miserable most of the time, and I wondered a lot why they didn't just get a divorce. Not a lot of outward fighting, just palpable tension a lot, sleeping on the couch, etc.. They ended up getting a divorce when they were in their 50s. I would have rather them do so a long time ago, maybe had the chance to find somebody else and be happier.

 

[johnnycakes]

I think I am just too hopeful for a better life to live like that. Trust me I understand staying together for the kids. I would never fault anyone for staying together no matter what for kids. I've been doing that for a very long time.

Nutter are you guys still physical? Do you guys see other people or would you be upset to find out she was?

If my life was just blah, I'd certainly change, but I'm very happy in general with my life. Its an easy life; very low stress. It would be way too much effort to change that with unknown risks and rewards. Sure, it could be even better, but it could be worse.

You really should go to China.

So I hear. So just book a ticket to china and the rest will just take care of itself? Sounds too easy.

Strike up a convo with this girl on Match, or another of your choosing. Exchange emails and phone calls for a few months; go over there and meet her. If you like her, ask her to marry you. It'll take about 8 months to go through the K1/K2 visa process. Get a good, low-maintenance wife who will take good care of you if you take care of her. Win-win.

We have an annual cookout every July at our house... over 50 couples from all over New England come.. every one of them an American guy married to a Chinese woman who did this. You won't be sorry.

 

[comfortably numb]

I was talking to a girl the other day and she revealed that she and her husband have been "living apart" for 6 months. After I questioned her it turns out they still live in the same house just different rooms and rarely interact. I got to wondering what is the endgame in this. I mean she's pretty young and how long would one want to live like that. It's not a financial thing as they both have very good jobs (unless there is a crap ton of debt). My ex-wife and her soon to be new ex-husband have been living like this for sometime now too, they are clearly moving to divorce so it makes more sense to me.

My question is has anyone ever been involved or know of couples similar? How did it end? Would any of you ever live like that? She never said they see other people but implied he did. My guess is she does too on some level.

If you're asking us permission to bang her....you have it

 

[NutterButter]

I think that people who do this for the kids are underestimating what kids can feel and pick up on. I get the impulse of not wanting to miss out on their daily lives, but that is a selfish reason at the end of the day. I think it's better to rip off the bandaid, have more hurt right away and heal and move on than have mom and dad pretending to be happy and barely interacting with each other.

Also, they do form their ideas of relationships by watching you guys. Try to have the healthiest one you can have for their sake.

My parents were miserable most of the time, and I wondered a lot why they didn't just get a divorce. Not a lot of outward fighting, just palpable tension a lot, sleeping on the couch, etc.. They ended up getting a divorce when they were in their 50s. I would have rather them do so a long time ago, maybe had the chance to find somebody else and be happier.

When you say your parents were miserable, were they actually miserable in general? Now that would blow. I'd certainly call it quits way before that, but I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm very happy. I actually have a pretty sweet gig. Its certainly different, but I'm perfectly cool with it. There's no sleeping on the couch for this guy. We have a guest bedroom. There may be some truth to them forming their idea of a relationship by watching us, but part of me is definitely being selfish for wanting to stay with them. Then again, part of me isn't. They go to a great private school b/c financially we're together. They live in a nice house as well. All that would change if we got divorced. So its a trade off.

 

[NutterButter]

I think I am just too hopeful for a better life to live like that. Trust me I understand staying together for the kids. I would never fault anyone for staying together no matter what for kids. I've been doing that for a very long time.

Nutter are you guys still physical? Do you guys see other people or would you be upset to find out she was?

If my life was just blah, I'd certainly change, but I'm very happy in general with my life. Its an easy life; very low stress. It would be way too much effort to change that with unknown risks and rewards. Sure, it could be even better, but it could be worse.

You really should go to China.

So I hear. So just book a ticket to china and the rest will just take care of itself? Sounds too easy.

Strike up a convo with this girl on Match, or another of your choosing. Exchange emails and phone calls for a few months; go over there and meet her. If you like her, ask her to marry you. It'll take about 8 months to go through the K1/K2 visa process. Get a good, low-maintenance wife who will take good care of you if you take care of her. Win-win.

We have an annual cookout every July at our house... over 50 couples from all over New England come.. every one of them an American guy married to a Chinese woman who did this. You won't be sorry.

Holy christ, did i mention I don't like putting in any effort.

Probably part of the reason why my marriage is in the toilet

 

[Papa Georgio]

I have already been divorced once and my wife moved kids several hours from me. I know my younger children have no idea my marriage is bad. We never fight and no tension for most of the time and certainly none that they would know about. I don't think I have really loved my wife in years . However without knowing it I think we have had this arrangement without staying separate. Sex life is still strong but we never interact a lot. I seldom have a real conversation with her. She has "commitment issues". I have chosen to turn a blind eye toward most of it. However recent events have made me decide to divorce. I was curious about this arrangement but I don't think it is for me. I'd rather strive for more, but I get where Nutter is coming from because that's pretty much been me without realizing it.

As far as said other girl wanting to bang, not sure she is ready for that. She does like to flirt with me but I think she is holding out hope her marriage improves and since kids are involved I don't want to really taint her thought process. I've been the person on the other end of that situation enough to try and respect another man's family.

 

[Al O'Pecia]

Nutter, I understand that you and your wife are separated and are no longer intimate. Does your alter ego ever have a romp with her alter ego, though? From my experience, the best way to rekindle the sexual flame with someone is to pretend that someone is someone else.

Christ, that sounds like a lot of imagination.

Give it a try. Switch your name from NutterButter to NutterGood. Then slink into her room and say, "I heard that [her alias] is looking for someone to nut her good."

 

[T Bell]

Do you guys ever have sex? With each other or different partners? That would be a deal killer for me. Your kids are 5 and 7. How old are you?

Maybe once a quarter at most. I'm 37. My wife was never very sexual so I guess I'm used to going without it. I essentially went through 5 crazy party years in college and then met my wife in that 5th year during grad school and have been with her ever since. So this is essentially all I know.

Oh boy. It's a different world, chief, and I say that having absolutely no care about how much you were partying 15 years ago.

 

[comfortably numb]

Do you guys ever have sex? With each other or different partners? That would be a deal killer for me. Your kids are 5 and 7. How old are you?

Maybe once a quarter at most. I'm 37. My wife was never very sexual so I guess I'm used to going without it. I essentially went through 5 crazy party years in college and then met my wife in that 5th year during grad school and have been with her ever since. So this is essentially all I know.

Oh boy. It's a different world, chief, and I say that having absolutely no care about how much you were partying 15 years ago.

go on...

 

[NutterButter]

Do you guys ever have sex? With each other or different partners? That would be a deal killer for me. Your kids are 5 and 7. How old are you?

Maybe once a quarter at most. I'm 37. My wife was never very sexual so I guess I'm used to going without it. I essentially went through 5 crazy party years in college and then met my wife in that 5th year during grad school and have been with her ever since. So this is essentially all I know.

Oh boy. It's a different world, chief, and I say that having absolutely no care about how much you were partying 15 years ago.

go on...

 

[Gianni Verscotchie]

My friend and his wife have a countdown to when they will get divorced. Which is as soon as the youngest gets out of high school.

They even joke around about it openly. He'll say "Only 6 years left". She'll reply "yeah, almost there!"

 

[Ketamine Dreams]

Years ago I would have never understood this type of situation, and now I understand it completely. Living with a wife who has mental health problems has given me new insight. I have no idea where she and I are going but some arrangement like this is certainly possible

 

[KarmaPolice]

I think that people who do this for the kids are underestimating what kids can feel and pick up on. I get the impulse of not wanting to miss out on their daily lives, but that is a selfish reason at the end of the day. I think it's better to rip off the bandaid, have more hurt right away and heal and move on than have mom and dad pretending to be happy and barely interacting with each other.

Also, they do form their ideas of relationships by watching you guys. Try to have the healthiest one you can have for their sake.

My parents were miserable most of the time, and I wondered a lot why they didn't just get a divorce. Not a lot of outward fighting, just palpable tension a lot, sleeping on the couch, etc.. They ended up getting a divorce when they were in their 50s. I would have rather them do so a long time ago, maybe had the chance to find somebody else and be happier.

When you say your parents were miserable, were they actually miserable in general? Now that would blow. I'd certainly call it quits way before that, but I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm very happy. I actually have a pretty sweet gig. Its certainly different, but I'm perfectly cool with it. There's no sleeping on the couch for this guy. We have a guest bedroom. There may be some truth to them forming their idea of a relationship by watching us, but part of me is definitely being selfish for wanting to stay with them. Then again, part of me isn't. They go to a great private school b/c financially we're together. They live in a nice house as well. All that would change if we got divorced. So its a trade off.

I honestly don't know how much they ever really liked each other. They were fine sometimes, but just very different people. I occurred pre-marriage, so I am so that has a bit to do with it.

I guess I can see how people can function in situations like you are describing. Maybe I am just more of a romantic and wonder why people would want to be around somebody that doesn't completely love you in all ways. Life is too short to have a roommate for a wife, IMO. That said, we have 0 money and never will, so that hasn't ever entered part of the equation for me.

I get maybe not having the kickass house anymore, but how would you being apart from the wife matter where they go to school. If you could afford it now, why not if you divorce?

 

[GregR]

Caught a commercial from a divorce attorney on the radio earlier this week. The bulk of it was giving men advice in divorce, and focused on how apparently it puts you at a disadvantage in your divorce if you move out of the house. They said it can affect child custody if you don't have the home to keep them in, can remove your access to records and paperwork you might need in the trial, etcc.

 

[NutterButter]

I get maybe not having the kickass house anymore, but how would you being apart from the wife matter where they go to school. If you could afford it now, why not if you divorce?

If we had to pay for 2 houses/apartments, that would stretch the finances too thin.

 

[James Daulton]

I'll never understand men who just willingly give up sex (whether in a perceived good marriage or not).

 

[KarmaPolice]

I get maybe not having the kickass house anymore, but how would you being apart from the wife matter where they go to school. If you could afford it now, why not if you divorce?

If we had to pay for 2 houses/apartments, that would stretch the finances too thin.

Yep, really dumb question.

 

[SIDA!]

I know someone who has been in a similar situation. Together for about a decade with two kids school age. Financially, things were rough at the time the couple were separating and the father had always been really active in the kids lives on a day to day basis as well (taking the kids to school, picking the kids up, taking them to practice, etc). The mom worked regular hours and the dad had a more flexible schedule so it was kind of a win win situation for a while.

Additionally, since this all transpired during the Summer, the mother wanted to have one last "holiday season" together as a family. Interestingly enough, the arrangement started to go sour when she found a new guy that caught her attention/interest. Then the dad was seen more as a nuisance/hindrance/irritation.

I totally get the thought process couples have going into it. But, just be prepared for the winds of change to appear.

 

[NCCommish]

I think that people who do this for the kids are underestimating what kids can feel and pick up on. I get the impulse of not wanting to miss out on their daily lives, but that is a selfish reason at the end of the day. I think it's better to rip off the bandaid, have more hurt right away and heal and move on than have mom and dad pretending to be happy and barely interacting with each other.

Also, they do form their ideas of relationships by watching you guys. Try to have the healthiest one you can have for their sake.

My parents were miserable most of the time, and I wondered a lot why they didn't just get a divorce. Not a lot of outward fighting, just palpable tension a lot, sleeping on the couch, etc.. They ended up getting a divorce when they were in their 50s. I would have rather them do so a long time ago, maybe had the chance to find somebody else and be happier.

Yeah this is always my concern with "for the kids". I get not wanting to miss stuff but is this really the relationship you want them modeling when they are your age?

 

[Zow]

I pretty much do this. We're more like roommates then husband and wife. The end game is being with my kids. They're 5 and 7 and there's no way I want to miss any of the day to day stuff. If they're teenagers, that a different story b/c they're pretty much living their own lives at that point. In addition, even though financially we're well off, we're much better off together than separate; 2 mortgages is a lot more than 1. The upside of getting a divorce and living separately doesn't outweigh the downside. And its not like I want to get back into the dating scene. I'm done with all of that.

So wait...you're done with women?

I'm assuming hookers

 

[Thorn]

I pretty much do this. We're more like roommates then husband and wife. The end game is being with my kids. They're 5 and 7 and there's no way I want to miss any of the day to day stuff. If they're teenagers, that a different story b/c they're pretty much living their own lives at that point. In addition, even though financially we're well off, we're much better off together than separate; 2 mortgages is a lot more than 1. The upside of getting a divorce and living separately doesn't outweigh the downside. And its not like I want to get back into the dating scene. I'm done with all of that.

So wait...you're done with women?

Unless one falls in my lap or my marriage takes a turn for the better, essentially.

My God that is sad

 

[datonn]

I'll never understand men who just willingly give up sex (whether in a perceived good marriage or not).

I totally get it (understand)...as it can just be SO...MUCH...WORK! For too-often not enough ROI. From the time most of us are around age 14 or so, just about everything in our lives revolves around sex. Trying to "hit for the cycle" with your first (several) girlfriends. Getting regular action in high school and (especially) college. Having someone (or "someones," LOL) to share your bed with on a regular basis after that. Etc. But it takes SOOOOOO much time, so much money thrown-away on meaningless ####. Really prevents (for a lot of us) financial security/independence and other pursuits. So once you grow-up and mature a little bit (though I see you're in your 40s, James Daulton, like me), you're tired of the brain in your pants calling most of the shots. And having the time/money to do things, go places, et al instead of burning weeks/months of "extra" time and thousands of dollars, in effort to effectively get laid (be you single or married), starts to gain appeal.

Ask me in my 20s or early 30s, and I would have slapped the 40-something me around with a tire iron. But sex has significant costs...in addition to the obvious benefits. And the older you get, the less you (hopefully) care about impressing other people...impressing members of whatever sex you happen to be attracted to. And the more you care about simply enjoying life. However much life you might have left. Life beyond sex.

 

[Al O'Pecia]

I'll never understand men who just willingly give up sex (whether in a perceived good marriage or not).

I totally get it (understand)...as it can just be SO...MUCH...WORK! For too-often not enough ROI. From the time most of us are around age 14 or so, just about everything in our lives revolves around sex. Trying to "hit for the cycle" with your first (several) girlfriends. Getting regular action in high school and (especially) college. Having someone (or "someones," LOL) to share your bed with on a regular basis after that. Etc. But it takes SOOOOOO much time, so much money thrown-away on meaningless ####. Really prevents (for a lot of us) financial security/independence and other pursuits. So once you grow-up and mature a little bit (though I see you're in your 40s, James Daulton, like me), you're tired of the brain in your pants calling most of the shots. And having the time/money to do things, go places, et al instead of burning weeks/months of "extra" time and thousands of dollars, in effort to effectively get laid (be you single or married), starts to gain appeal.

Ask me in my 20s or early 30s, and I would have slapped the 40-something me around with a tire iron. But sex has significant costs...in addition to the obvious benefits. And the older you get, the less you (hopefully) care about impressing other people...impressing members of whatever sex you happen to be attracted to. And the more you care about simply enjoying life. However much life you might have left. Life beyond sex.

The day after a lat night sex session I find myself completely worn out and, as a result, making way too many typos in my FFA posts. Simply not worth it.

 

[trogg78]

your kids want to know what love is...and they want you to show them.

 

[gianmarco]

your kids want to know what love is...and they want you to show them.

There's a song about this, but it's foreign to me right now.

 

[Ditka Butkus]

your kids want to know what love is...and they want you to show them.

There's a song about this, but it's foreign to me right now.

Maybe she is just playing head games....

 

[Thorn]

I'll never understand men who just willingly give up sex (whether in a perceived good marriage or not).

I totally get it (understand)...as it can just be SO...MUCH...WORK! For too-often not enough ROI. From the time most of us are around age 14 or so, just about everything in our lives revolves around sex. Trying to "hit for the cycle" with your first (several) girlfriends. Getting regular action in high school and (especially) college. Having someone (or "someones," LOL) to share your bed with on a regular basis after that. Etc. But it takes SOOOOOO much time, so much money thrown-away on meaningless ####. Really prevents (for a lot of us) financial security/independence and other pursuits. So once you grow-up and mature a little bit (though I see you're in your 40s, James Daulton, like me), you're tired of the brain in your pants calling most of the shots. And having the time/money to do things, go places, et al instead of burning weeks/months of "extra" time and thousands of dollars, in effort to effectively get laid (be you single or married), starts to gain appeal.

Ask me in my 20s or early 30s, and I would have slapped the 40-something me around with a tire iron. But sex has significant costs...in addition to the obvious benefits. And the older you get, the less you (hopefully) care about impressing other people...impressing members of whatever sex you happen to be attracted to. And the more you care about simply enjoying life. However much life you might have left. Life beyond sex.

I think you're putting the ##### on a pedestal.

 

[Ditka Butkus]

I'll never understand men who just willingly give up sex (whether in a perceived good marriage or not).

I totally get it (understand)...as it can just be SO...MUCH...WORK! For too-often not enough ROI. From the time most of us are around age 14 or so, just about everything in our lives revolves around sex. Trying to "hit for the cycle" with your first (several) girlfriends. Getting regular action in high school and (especially) college. Having someone (or "someones," LOL) to share your bed with on a regular basis after that. Etc. But it takes SOOOOOO much time, so much money thrown-away on meaningless ####. Really prevents (for a lot of us) financial security/independence and other pursuits. So once you grow-up and mature a little bit (though I see you're in your 40s, James Daulton, like me), you're tired of the brain in your pants calling most of the shots. And having the time/money to do things, go places, et al instead of burning weeks/months of "extra" time and thousands of dollars, in effort to effectively get laid (be you single or married), starts to gain appeal.

Ask me in my 20s or early 30s, and I would have slapped the 40-something me around with a tire iron. But sex has significant costs...in addition to the obvious benefits. And the older you get, the less you (hopefully) care about impressing other people...impressing members of whatever sex you happen to be attracted to. And the more you care about simply enjoying life. However much life you might have left. Life beyond sex.

I think you're putting the ##### on a pedestal.

As well it should be.