Separated but in the same home (1 Viewer)

[T Bell]

I know someone who has been in a similar situation. Together for about a decade with two kids school age. Financially, things were rough at the time the couple were separating and the father had always been really active in the kids lives on a day to day basis as well (taking the kids to school, picking the kids up, taking them to practice, etc). The mom worked regular hours and the dad had a more flexible schedule so it was kind of a win win situation for a while.

Additionally, since this all transpired during the Summer, the mother wanted to have one last "holiday season" together as a family. Interestingly enough, the arrangement started to go sour when she found a new guy that caught her attention/interest. Then the dad was seen more as a nuisance/hindrance/irritation.

I totally get the thought process couples have going into it. But, just be prepared for the winds of change to appear.

It sounds as though the "winds of change" were in fact blowing.

 

[Captain Quinoa]

I understand doing this more than I understand guys who get re-married.

 

[glumpy]

Not getting into anecdotal details here, but after having been involved in two of them I would say that a marriage doesn't necessarily have to be physical to be fulfilling. At some point in every marriage I'd expect that people weigh the positives and negatives of their relationship, and whether or not it's worth maintaining--and I'd suggest that anywhere close to a balance between them is probably the norm, and worth working with.

 

[Thorn]

I'm having a hard time understanding going sexless in your thirties. I guess I can understand (though not endorse) saying together for the kids, but are you also forbidden from having sex outside the marriage?

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

I'm having a hard time understanding going sexless in your thirties. I guess I can understand (though not endorse) saying together for the kids, but are you also forbidden from having sex outside the marriage?

Are you talking to somebody in particular? I'd imagine different people have different arrangements.

 

[Thorn]

I'm having a hard time understanding going sexless in your thirties. I guess I can understand (though not endorse) saying together for the kids, but are you also forbidden from having sex outside the marriage?

Are you talking to somebody in particular? I'd imagine different people have different arrangements.

I guess it's an open question. Seems like some people know "several couples" that do this. Just trying to get a handle on what these relationships entail.

 

[NutterButter]

I'm having a hard time understanding going sexless in your thirties. I guess I can understand (though not endorse) saying together for the kids, but are you also forbidden from having sex outside the marriage?

It sounds great in theory, but I did go over some scenarios with a buddy from work and in practice they all sounded terrible. For instance, where are you meeting these women to have sex with? Are these one night stands or is this some sort of relationship you have on the side? If the ladder, are you honest that you're still married?

 

[NutterButter]

I understand doing this more than I understand guys who get re-married.

Yeah, I don't understand that one at all, but who am I to judge.

 

[Thorn]

I'm having a hard time understanding going sexless in your thirties. I guess I can understand (though not endorse) saying together for the kids, but are you also forbidden from having sex outside the marriage?

It sounds great in theory, but I did go over some scenarios with a buddy from work and in practice they all sounded terrible. For instance, where are you meeting these women to have sex with? Are these one night stands or is this some sort of relationship you have on the side? If the ladder, are you honest that you're still married?

Her place?

Either

Yes

though I don't know why I'm answering

 

[NutterButter]

I'm having a hard time understanding going sexless in your thirties. I guess I can understand (though not endorse) saying together for the kids, but are you also forbidden from having sex outside the marriage?

It sounds great in theory, but I did go over some scenarios with a buddy from work and in practice they all sounded terrible. For instance, where are you meeting these women to have sex with? Are these one night stands or is this some sort of relationship you have on the side? If the ladder, are you honest that you're still married?

Her place?

Either

Yes

though I don't know why I'm answering

I mean, where are you first meeting these attractive girls that are cool with random hookups with a married 37 old guy? Seems a bit unrealistic to me. Unless you're going the paid route of course.

 

[Thorn]

I'm having a hard time understanding going sexless in your thirties. I guess I can understand (though not endorse) saying together for the kids, but are you also forbidden from having sex outside the marriage?

It sounds great in theory, but I did go over some scenarios with a buddy from work and in practice they all sounded terrible. For instance, where are you meeting these women to have sex with? Are these one night stands or is this some sort of relationship you have on the side? If the ladder, are you honest that you're still married?

Her place?

Either

Yes

though I don't know why I'm answering

I mean, where are you first meeting these attractive girls that are cool with random hookups with a married 37 old guy? Seems a bit unrealistic to me. Unless you're going the paid route of course.

I seriously don't know how to answer this. Are you suggesting that 37-year-olds don't date? That married 37-year-olds can't/couldn't find a willing partner? Is this real life?

 

[IC FBGCav]

I'm having a hard time understanding going sexless in your thirties. I guess I can understand (though not endorse) saying together for the kids, but are you also forbidden from having sex outside the marriage?

Are you talking to somebody in particular? I'd imagine different people have different arrangements.

I guess it's an open question. Seems like some people know "several couples" that do this. Just trying to get a handle on what these relationships entail.

They entail getting the life sucked out of you to the point that the only thing that you want is to be left alone.

 

[rockaction]

I'm having a hard time understanding going sexless in your thirties. I guess I can understand (though not endorse) saying together for the kids, but are you also forbidden from having sex outside the marriage?

It sounds great in theory, but I did go over some scenarios with a buddy from work and in practice they all sounded terrible. For instance, where are you meeting these women to have sex with? Are these one night stands or is this some sort of relationship you have on the side? If the ladder, are you honest that you're still married?

Her place?

Either

Yes

though I don't know why I'm answering

I mean, where are you first meeting these attractive girls that are cool with random hookups with a married 37 old guy? Seems a bit unrealistic to me. Unless you're going the paid route of course.

You'd be surprised. If you're a fit 38 year-old, girls straight out of high school will flirt with you and will at least consider it, if not go through with it.

eta* I am not married. I'm talking solely about age.

 

[NutterButter]

I'm having a hard time understanding going sexless in your thirties. I guess I can understand (though not endorse) saying together for the kids, but are you also forbidden from having sex outside the marriage?

It sounds great in theory, but I did go over some scenarios with a buddy from work and in practice they all sounded terrible. For instance, where are you meeting these women to have sex with? Are these one night stands or is this some sort of relationship you have on the side? If the ladder, are you honest that you're still married?

Her place?

Either

Yes

though I don't know why I'm answering

I mean, where are you first meeting these attractive girls that are cool with random hookups with a married 37 old guy? Seems a bit unrealistic to me. Unless you're going the paid route of course.

I seriously don't know how to answer this. Are you suggesting that 37-year-olds don't date? That married 37-year-olds can't/couldn't find a willing partner? Is this real life?

Well we're talking about two different things. I don't want to date. If you're talking about random sex, that's cool. Dating, hell no. If I was single, sure. I'm sure there are just plenty of attractive girls just looking to date a married guy with the chance of it going no farther than just dating.

 

[Thorn]

I'm having a hard time understanding going sexless in your thirties. I guess I can understand (though not endorse) saying together for the kids, but are you also forbidden from having sex outside the marriage?

It sounds great in theory, but I did go over some scenarios with a buddy from work and in practice they all sounded terrible. For instance, where are you meeting these women to have sex with? Are these one night stands or is this some sort of relationship you have on the side? If the ladder, are you honest that you're still married?

Her place?

Either

Yes

though I don't know why I'm answering

I mean, where are you first meeting these attractive girls that are cool with random hookups with a married 37 old guy? Seems a bit unrealistic to me. Unless you're going the paid route of course.

I seriously don't know how to answer this. Are you suggesting that 37-year-olds don't date? That married 37-year-olds can't/couldn't find a willing partner? Is this real life?

Well we're talking about two different things. I don't want to date. If you're talking about random sex, that's cool. Dating, hell no. If I was single, sure. I'm sure there are just plenty of attractive girls just looking to date a married guy with the chance of it going no farther than just dating.

There are most definitely women who are down with just having sex with a married guy. How can you believe that is unrealistic?

 

[comfortably numb]

I'm having a hard time understanding going sexless in your thirties. I guess I can understand (though not endorse) saying together for the kids, but are you also forbidden from having sex outside the marriage?

It sounds great in theory, but I did go over some scenarios with a buddy from work and in practice they all sounded terrible. For instance, where are you meeting these women to have sex with? Are these one night stands or is this some sort of relationship you have on the side? If the ladder, are you honest that you're still married?

Her place?

Either

Yes

though I don't know why I'm answering

I mean, where are you first meeting these attractive girls that are cool with random hookups with a married 37 old guy? Seems a bit unrealistic to me. Unless you're going the paid route of course.

I seriously don't know how to answer this. Are you suggesting that 37-year-olds don't date? That married 37-year-olds can't/couldn't find a willing partner? Is this real life?

Well we're talking about two different things. I don't want to date. If you're talking about random sex, that's cool. Dating, hell no. If I was single, sure. I'm sure there are just plenty of attractive girls just looking to date a married guy with the chance of it going no farther than just dating.

There are most definitely women who are down with just having sex with a married guy. How can you believe that is unrealistic?

www.Therearemostdefinitelywomenwhoaredownwithjusthavingsexwithamarriedguy.com

?

 

[NutterButter]

Domain Not Found. Potential gold mine.

 

[NutterButter]

There are most definitely women who are down with just having sex with a married guy. How can you believe that is unrealistic?

Sure they exist, but they're going to be hard as hell to find. Not worth the effort. These women are a very small minority. So you're going to have to come up with some very efficient way of weeding through the vast majority so you're not wasting time. How you do that is beyond me. Until Comfortably Numb gets that website operation, i'm just going to have to settle for porn.

 

[Thorn]

There are most definitely women who are down with just having sex with a married guy. How can you believe that is unrealistic?

Sure they exist, but they're going to be hard as hell to find. Not worth the effort. These women are a very small minority. So you're going to have to come up with some very efficient way of weeding through the vast majority so you're not wasting time. How you do that is beyond me. Until Comfortably Numb gets that website operation, i'm just going to have to settle for porn.

You have no basis for those assertions, but if it helps you sleep at night, more power to you. I find your situation fascinating.

 

[Eminence]

I think it's strange. I think I would have more pride than to stay in a house with a woman that I was "married" to that might be banging other dudes on the side. It must take two ridiculous personality types (or one sucker) to make an arrangement like that work

Nobody wants to "be alone". She wants the perks of being married to you, you being a father, without her having to provide sexual, emotional, or intimate support. All while being able to #### whoever she meets at the bar, guilt free.

I don't agree with an arrangement like this at all. It seems strange.

 

[Eminence]

"We're going to do everything we were before, except I'm going to stop having sex with you and start having sex with other people."

 

[James Daulton]

It seems like some people who are in crappy marriages and no longer want to have sex with their spouse have forgotten how awesome sex is. Other than disk golf , sex is like the greatest thing ever. We're wired to want it and seek it out. It makes you feel "like a man" like just about nothing else does. And for those who say sex isn't worth the effort, I 100% guarantee that if the opportunity was out there with someone you found extremely attractive, you'd be banging as much as you were able. If not, then you should get your testosterone checked.

 

[NutterButter]

There are most definitely women who are down with just having sex with a married guy. How can you believe that is unrealistic?

Sure they exist, but they're going to be hard as hell to find. Not worth the effort. These women are a very small minority. So you're going to have to come up with some very efficient way of weeding through the vast majority so you're not wasting time. How you do that is beyond me. Until Comfortably Numb gets that website operation, i'm just going to have to settle for porn.

You have no basis for those assertions, but if it helps you sleep at night, more power to you. I find your situation fascinating.

Really? You think there's a large percentage of attractive women in suburban bars that just want one night stands? Interesting.

 

[NutterButter]

It seems like some people who are in crappy marriages and no longer want to have sex with their spouse have forgotten how awesome sex is. Other than disk golf , sex is like the greatest thing ever. We're wired to want it and seek it out. It makes you feel "like a man" like just about nothing else does. And for those who say sex isn't worth the effort, I 100% guarantee that if the opportunity was out there with someone you found extremely attractive, you'd be banging as much as you were able. If not, then you should get your testosterone checked.

Sex is no doubt awesome. You find a broad looking to have some with a 37 year old married dude, you send her my way.

 

[belljr]

Wow....my motor still runs like I'm in my early 20s I hope that never goes away

 

[Thorn]

There are most definitely women who are down with just having sex with a married guy. How can you believe that is unrealistic?

Sure they exist, but they're going to be hard as hell to find. Not worth the effort. These women are a very small minority. So you're going to have to come up with some very efficient way of weeding through the vast majority so you're not wasting time. How you do that is beyond me. Until Comfortably Numb gets that website operation, i'm just going to have to settle for porn.

You have no basis for those assertions, but if it helps you sleep at night, more power to you. I find your situation fascinating.

Really? You think there's a large percentage of attractive women in suburban bars that just want one night stands? Interesting.

I would challenge your first two bolded assertions more, but I think there is a percentage ample enough to meet the demand.

 

[mozzy84]

There are most definitely women who are down with just having sex with a married guy. How can you believe that is unrealistic?

Sure they exist, but they're going to be hard as hell to find. Not worth the effort. These women are a very small minority. So you're going to have to come up with some very efficient way of weeding through the vast majority so you're not wasting time. How you do that is beyond me. Until Comfortably Numb gets that website operation, i'm just going to have to settle for porn.

You have no basis for those assertions, but if it helps you sleep at night, more power to you. I find your situation fascinating.

no doubt. Like you said, fit guys in there 30's can slay any age they want.

Not to mention there are the unhappy and happily married women that love to screw with no strings attached. The older I get the more there are it seems like...

 

[Thorn]

PS there are 67 year old married dudes having sex outside of their marriage - not sure why you seem to think 37 is over the hill.

 

[TxBuckeye]

There are most definitely women who are down with just having sex with a married guy. How can you believe that is unrealistic?

Sure they exist, but they're going to be hard as hell to find. Not worth the effort. These women are a very small minority. So you're going to have to come up with some very efficient way of weeding through the vast majority so you're not wasting time. How you do that is beyond me. Until Comfortably Numb gets that website operation, i'm just going to have to settle for porn.

You have no basis for those assertions, but if it helps you sleep at night, more power to you. I find your situation fascinating.

Really? You think there's a large percentage of attractive women in suburban bars that just want one night stands? Interesting.

I think it's way more common than you realize.

 

[johnnycakes]

There are most definitely women who are down with just having sex with a married guy. How can you believe that is unrealistic?

Sure they exist, but they're going to be hard as hell to find. Not worth the effort. These women are a very small minority. So you're going to have to come up with some very efficient way of weeding through the vast majority so you're not wasting time. How you do that is beyond me. Until Comfortably Numb gets that website operation, i'm just going to have to settle for porn.

You have no basis for those assertions, but if it helps you sleep at night, more power to you. I find your situation fascinating.

Really? You think there's a large percentage of attractive women in suburban bars that just want one night stands? Interesting.

I think it's way more common than you realize.

Back in the day, I knew a single guy who wore a wedding ring to the bars just to troll for the women who only wanted married men.

 

[TxBuckeye]

There are most definitely women who are down with just having sex with a married guy. How can you believe that is unrealistic?

Sure they exist, but they're going to be hard as hell to find. Not worth the effort. These women are a very small minority. So you're going to have to come up with some very efficient way of weeding through the vast majority so you're not wasting time. How you do that is beyond me. Until Comfortably Numb gets that website operation, i'm just going to have to settle for porn.

You have no basis for those assertions, but if it helps you sleep at night, more power to you. I find your situation fascinating.

Really? You think there's a large percentage of attractive women in suburban bars that just want one night stands? Interesting.

I think it's way more common than you realize.

Back in the day, I knew a single guy who wore a wedding ring to the bars just to troll for the women who only wanted married men.

Honestly, it makes sense to me. Bored housewife wants to go out and get scrogged without having to worry about the guy wanting to get serious or whatever. Just target married guys. You know its one and done.

 

[AAABatteries]

There are most definitely women who are down with just having sex with a married guy. How can you believe that is unrealistic?

Sure they exist, but they're going to be hard as hell to find. Not worth the effort. These women are a very small minority. So you're going to have to come up with some very efficient way of weeding through the vast majority so you're not wasting time. How you do that is beyond me. Until Comfortably Numb gets that website operation, i'm just going to have to settle for porn.

You have no basis for those assertions, but if it helps you sleep at night, more power to you. I find your situation fascinating.

Really? You think there's a large percentage of attractive women in suburban bars that just want one night stands? Interesting.

I think it's way more common than you realize.

Back in the day, I knew a single guy who wore a wedding ring to the bars just to troll for the women who only wanted married men.

Suckers could have been fishing with dynamite in China, amiright?

 

[James Daulton]

It seems like some people who are in crappy marriages and no longer want to have sex with their spouse have forgotten how awesome sex is. Other than disk golf , sex is like the greatest thing ever. We're wired to want it and seek it out. It makes you feel "like a man" like just about nothing else does. And for those who say sex isn't worth the effort, I 100% guarantee that if the opportunity was out there with someone you found extremely attractive, you'd be banging as much as you were able. If not, then you should get your testosterone checked.

Sex is no doubt awesome. You find a broad looking to have some with a 37 year old married dude, you send her my way.

Here's what I don't get. You're going to give up years of your sexual life to stay with a woman "for the kids." Meanwhile, don't kids in these types of situations eventually figure out that their parents aren't normal? I think that would be unhealthy for them.

Anyway, we only get one turn on this globe, you should really think of yourself along with your kids.

 

[NutterButter]

PS there are 67 year old married dudes having sex outside of their marriage - not sure why you seem to think 37 is over the hill.

Not what I said at all. I said its way too much work. You make it seem like I just show up at a bar and I'm get banged by some attractive broad that night. I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way.

 

[NutterButter]

It seems like some people who are in crappy marriages and no longer want to have sex with their spouse have forgotten how awesome sex is. Other than disk golf , sex is like the greatest thing ever. We're wired to want it and seek it out. It makes you feel "like a man" like just about nothing else does. And for those who say sex isn't worth the effort, I 100% guarantee that if the opportunity was out there with someone you found extremely attractive, you'd be banging as much as you were able. If not, then you should get your testosterone checked.

Sex is no doubt awesome. You find a broad looking to have some with a 37 year old married dude, you send her my way.

Here's what I don't get. You're going to give up years of your sexual life to stay with a woman "for the kids." Meanwhile, don't kids in these types of situations eventually figure out that their parents aren't normal? I think that would be unhealthy for them.

Anyway, we only get one turn on this globe, you should really think of yourself along with your kids.

I know sex is really important to some people, but its really not the end all be all for me. I mean how much action are married guys getting each week; a few times a week for an hour or so. Sounds nice, but its such a small portion of life. Considering the rest of my week outside of that hour is pretty darn good, I think I'm doing ok.

As far as the kids, sure its far from ideal, but divorced parents without new spouses is really any better? What is that showing them, now to be single? Am I obligated to find another wife to set the right example for them? I'm not buying any of that.

 

[NutterButter]

There are most definitely women who are down with just having sex with a married guy. How can you believe that is unrealistic?

Sure they exist, but they're going to be hard as hell to find. Not worth the effort. These women are a very small minority. So you're going to have to come up with some very efficient way of weeding through the vast majority so you're not wasting time. How you do that is beyond me. Until Comfortably Numb gets that website operation, i'm just going to have to settle for porn.

You have no basis for those assertions, but if it helps you sleep at night, more power to you. I find your situation fascinating.

Really? You think there's a large percentage of attractive women in suburban bars that just want one night stands? Interesting.

I think it's way more common than you realize.

Back in the day, I knew a single guy who wore a wedding ring to the bars just to troll for the women who only wanted married men.

Honestly, it makes sense to me. Bored housewife wants to go out and get scrogged without having to worry about the guy wanting to get serious or whatever. Just target married guys. You know its one and done.

An interesting twist would be the husband finding out and tracking me down. Now that would be really awesome.

 

[T Bell]

It seems like some people who are in crappy marriages and no longer want to have sex with their spouse have forgotten how awesome sex is. Other than disk golf , sex is like the greatest thing ever. We're wired to want it and seek it out. It makes you feel "like a man" like just about nothing else does. And for those who say sex isn't worth the effort, I 100% guarantee that if the opportunity was out there with someone you found extremely attractive, you'd be banging as much as you were able. If not, then you should get your testosterone checked.

Sex is no doubt awesome. You find a broad looking to have some with a 37 year old married dude, you send her my way.

Here's what I don't get. You're going to give up years of your sexual life to stay with a woman "for the kids." Meanwhile, don't kids in these types of situations eventually figure out that their parents aren't normal? I think that would be unhealthy for them.

Anyway, we only get one turn on this globe, you should really think of yourself along with your kids.

I know sex is really important to some people, but its really not the end all be all for me. I mean how much action are married guys getting each week; a few times a week for an hour or so. Sounds nice, but its such a small portion of life. Considering the rest of my week outside of that hour is pretty darn good, I think I'm doing ok.

As far as the kids, sure its far from ideal, but divorced parents without new spouses is really any better? What is that showing them, now to be single? Am I obligated to find another wife to set the right example for them? I'm not buying any of that.

I'm single as is my ex. We show my kid with every interaction (and I reinforce in private conversations with him) that we get along, we both love him, and that even though we sometimes disagree on things we find ways to compromise because we love him. We also give ourselves a chance to enter into a healthy, loving relationship with someone else that our kid can model off of.

After the initial turbulence of separation and divorce, my relationship with my ex is miles better than it used to be. There's just a lot less drama/anger/etc. The kids know. They can sense the tension, even when they're young.

 

[NutterButter]

It seems like some people who are in crappy marriages and no longer want to have sex with their spouse have forgotten how awesome sex is. Other than disk golf , sex is like the greatest thing ever. We're wired to want it and seek it out. It makes you feel "like a man" like just about nothing else does. And for those who say sex isn't worth the effort, I 100% guarantee that if the opportunity was out there with someone you found extremely attractive, you'd be banging as much as you were able. If not, then you should get your testosterone checked.

Sex is no doubt awesome. You find a broad looking to have some with a 37 year old married dude, you send her my way.

Here's what I don't get. You're going to give up years of your sexual life to stay with a woman "for the kids." Meanwhile, don't kids in these types of situations eventually figure out that their parents aren't normal? I think that would be unhealthy for them.

Anyway, we only get one turn on this globe, you should really think of yourself along with your kids.

I know sex is really important to some people, but its really not the end all be all for me. I mean how much action are married guys getting each week; a few times a week for an hour or so. Sounds nice, but its such a small portion of life. Considering the rest of my week outside of that hour is pretty darn good, I think I'm doing ok.

As far as the kids, sure its far from ideal, but divorced parents without new spouses is really any better? What is that showing them, now to be single? Am I obligated to find another wife to set the right example for them? I'm not buying any of that.

I'm single as is my ex. We show my kid with every interaction (and I reinforce in private conversations with him) that we get along, we both love him, and that even though we sometimes disagree on things we find ways to compromise because we love him. We also give ourselves a chance to enter into a healthy, loving relationship with someone else that our kid can model off of.

After the initial turbulence of separation and divorce, my relationship with my ex is miles better than it used to be. There's just a lot less drama/anger/etc. The kids know. They can sense the tension, even when they're young.

How was your relationship when you were married at the end? There really is no tension. There's never any fighting. We're just not in love with each other. Like I said, more like roommates.

 

[T Bell]

It seems like some people who are in crappy marriages and no longer want to have sex with their spouse have forgotten how awesome sex is. Other than disk golf , sex is like the greatest thing ever. We're wired to want it and seek it out. It makes you feel "like a man" like just about nothing else does. And for those who say sex isn't worth the effort, I 100% guarantee that if the opportunity was out there with someone you found extremely attractive, you'd be banging as much as you were able. If not, then you should get your testosterone checked.

Sex is no doubt awesome. You find a broad looking to have some with a 37 year old married dude, you send her my way.

Here's what I don't get. You're going to give up years of your sexual life to stay with a woman "for the kids." Meanwhile, don't kids in these types of situations eventually figure out that their parents aren't normal? I think that would be unhealthy for them.

Anyway, we only get one turn on this globe, you should really think of yourself along with your kids.

I know sex is really important to some people, but its really not the end all be all for me. I mean how much action are married guys getting each week; a few times a week for an hour or so. Sounds nice, but its such a small portion of life. Considering the rest of my week outside of that hour is pretty darn good, I think I'm doing ok.

As far as the kids, sure its far from ideal, but divorced parents without new spouses is really any better? What is that showing them, now to be single? Am I obligated to find another wife to set the right example for them? I'm not buying any of that.

I'm single as is my ex. We show my kid with every interaction (and I reinforce in private conversations with him) that we get along, we both love him, and that even though we sometimes disagree on things we find ways to compromise because we love him. We also give ourselves a chance to enter into a healthy, loving relationship with someone else that our kid can model off of.

After the initial turbulence of separation and divorce, my relationship with my ex is miles better than it used to be. There's just a lot less drama/anger/etc. The kids know. They can sense the tension, even when they're young.

How was your relationship when you were married at the end? There really is no tension. There's never any fighting. We're just not in love with each other. Like I said, more like roommates.

Your kids are normalizing this and will unconsciously conclude that this is the way it is with married people. Is that what you want them to believe a "normal" relationship looks like?

 

[NutterButter]

It seems like some people who are in crappy marriages and no longer want to have sex with their spouse have forgotten how awesome sex is. Other than disk golf , sex is like the greatest thing ever. We're wired to want it and seek it out. It makes you feel "like a man" like just about nothing else does. And for those who say sex isn't worth the effort, I 100% guarantee that if the opportunity was out there with someone you found extremely attractive, you'd be banging as much as you were able. If not, then you should get your testosterone checked.

Sex is no doubt awesome. You find a broad looking to have some with a 37 year old married dude, you send her my way.

Here's what I don't get. You're going to give up years of your sexual life to stay with a woman "for the kids." Meanwhile, don't kids in these types of situations eventually figure out that their parents aren't normal? I think that would be unhealthy for them.

Anyway, we only get one turn on this globe, you should really think of yourself along with your kids.

I know sex is really important to some people, but its really not the end all be all for me. I mean how much action are married guys getting each week; a few times a week for an hour or so. Sounds nice, but its such a small portion of life. Considering the rest of my week outside of that hour is pretty darn good, I think I'm doing ok.

As far as the kids, sure its far from ideal, but divorced parents without new spouses is really any better? What is that showing them, now to be single? Am I obligated to find another wife to set the right example for them? I'm not buying any of that.

I'm single as is my ex. We show my kid with every interaction (and I reinforce in private conversations with him) that we get along, we both love him, and that even though we sometimes disagree on things we find ways to compromise because we love him. We also give ourselves a chance to enter into a healthy, loving relationship with someone else that our kid can model off of.

After the initial turbulence of separation and divorce, my relationship with my ex is miles better than it used to be. There's just a lot less drama/anger/etc. The kids know. They can sense the tension, even when they're young.

How was your relationship when you were married at the end? There really is no tension. There's never any fighting. We're just not in love with each other. Like I said, more like roommates.

Your kids are normalizing this and will unconsciously conclude that this is the way it is with married people. Is that what you want them to believe a "normal" relationship looks like?

I just asked this above, but you're saying two divorced people that don't get back into a relationship is the better alternative? Not really buying that. Neither is ideal, but I don't think getting divorced is a better alternative. Then the father figure in their lives becomes the guy that seems them on weekends and gets them every other wednesday. Doesn't sound better by a long shot for them.

 

[T Bell]

It seems like some people who are in crappy marriages and no longer want to have sex with their spouse have forgotten how awesome sex is. Other than disk golf , sex is like the greatest thing ever. We're wired to want it and seek it out. It makes you feel "like a man" like just about nothing else does. And for those who say sex isn't worth the effort, I 100% guarantee that if the opportunity was out there with someone you found extremely attractive, you'd be banging as much as you were able. If not, then you should get your testosterone checked.

Sex is no doubt awesome. You find a broad looking to have some with a 37 year old married dude, you send her my way.

Here's what I don't get. You're going to give up years of your sexual life to stay with a woman "for the kids." Meanwhile, don't kids in these types of situations eventually figure out that their parents aren't normal? I think that would be unhealthy for them.

Anyway, we only get one turn on this globe, you should really think of yourself along with your kids.

I know sex is really important to some people, but its really not the end all be all for me. I mean how much action are married guys getting each week; a few times a week for an hour or so. Sounds nice, but its such a small portion of life. Considering the rest of my week outside of that hour is pretty darn good, I think I'm doing ok.

As far as the kids, sure its far from ideal, but divorced parents without new spouses is really any better? What is that showing them, now to be single? Am I obligated to find another wife to set the right example for them? I'm not buying any of that.

I'm single as is my ex. We show my kid with every interaction (and I reinforce in private conversations with him) that we get along, we both love him, and that even though we sometimes disagree on things we find ways to compromise because we love him. We also give ourselves a chance to enter into a healthy, loving relationship with someone else that our kid can model off of.

After the initial turbulence of separation and divorce, my relationship with my ex is miles better than it used to be. There's just a lot less drama/anger/etc. The kids know. They can sense the tension, even when they're young.

How was your relationship when you were married at the end? There really is no tension. There's never any fighting. We're just not in love with each other. Like I said, more like roommates.

Your kids are normalizing this and will unconsciously conclude that this is the way it is with married people. Is that what you want them to believe a "normal" relationship looks like?

I just asked this above, but you're saying two divorced people that don't get back into a relationship is the better alternative? Not really buying that. Neither is ideal, but I don't think getting divorced is a better alternative. Then the father figure in their lives becomes the guy that seems them on weekends and gets them every other wednesday. Doesn't sound better by a long shot for them.

You have to make your own choices of course, and I'm not saying that it's best for everyone, only addressing your at-least-implicit claims that the kids are somehow unaffected by this sham marriage.

 

[=Smackdown=]

Wow....my motor still runs like I'm in my early 20s I hope that never goes away

Same here - mid to late 40's and the sex drive is stronger than ever.

37 is way to young to be just giving up

 

[Yankee23Fan]

A sexless marriage is not Ok. I really don't understand the comments that it takes so much time and energy that you can't possibly do it and do other stuff. In fact most of this thread is just odd.

 

[rockaction]

A sexless marriage is not Ok. I really don't understand the comments that it takes so much time and energy that you can't possibly do it and do other stuff. In fact most of this thread is just odd.

A family lawyer thinks this? HFS.

I mean no disrespect, but what?

 

[Glass Joe]

Wow....my motor still runs like I'm in my early 20s I hope that never goes away

Same here - mid to late 40's and the sex drive is stronger than ever. 37 is way to young to be just giving up

I haven't gotten it in months. It's not that rare.

When I had kids I decided to put their needs ahead of mine. I think it's the right choice. They shouldn't pay for their parents mistakes.

 

[James Daulton]

Wow....my motor still runs like I'm in my early 20s I hope that never goes away

Same here - mid to late 40's and the sex drive is stronger than ever. 37 is way to young to be just giving up

I haven't gotten it in months. It's not that rare.When I had kids I decided to put their needs ahead of mine. I think it's the right choice. They shouldn't pay for their parents mistakes.

 

[datonn]

It seems like some people who are in crappy marriages and no longer want to have sex with their spouse have forgotten how awesome sex is. Other than disc golf , sex is like the greatest thing ever. We're wired to want it and seek it out. It makes you feel "like a man" like just about nothing else does. And for those who say sex isn't worth the effort, I 100% guarantee that if the opportunity was out there with someone you found extremely attractive, you'd be banging as much as you were able. If not, then you should get your testosterone checked.

Darned right...OTHER THAN disc golf (lol). My friends and family who do not "partake" in the Church of Frisbetarianism ask me to describe the sport to them, and the first thought that comes into my mind is Dave Chappelle's crack addict character from Chappelle's Show. A la: http://www.celebstoner.com/assets/components/directresize/cache/dr_DaveChappelle_CS_w600_h389.jpg I go more than 3-4 days, and committing a felony or two, just to be able to get in 18 holes, sounds like a reasonable trade-off.

In all seriousness though, I never said that I think sex isn't awesome. Good LORD I'd have sex a couple times a day if circumstances allowed for it! What I'm saying is that the COSTS of having sex (time, money) start to look awfully steep the older I get. If it was a matter of walking up to my wife and saying "hey, I've got ~90 minutes with nothing to do and the kids aren't home...wanna get naked and have me curl your toes?!" (lol) Let's roll! But that's not how it works in the real world. In the real world, your wife (or S.O.) has a To Do List at work a mile long, has a lunch date planned with a friend, is having her period and just feels unappealing at the moment, is tired/grumpy after your youngest kid woke her up for no good reason at 4:30am (after not getting to sleep until after midnight), is sad because her aunt or one of her best friends is battling breast cancer, is feeling unattractive and uncomfortable in her own skin after adding 5-10 pounds in the past year, is frustrated with you because you were honest about how spending 80% of your precious little free time on the evenings/weekend with her family/friends isn't your idea of a "good time," _________________ (shall I continue?).

Just think about all the time you blow pretending to be interested in listening to how your wife's/S.O.'s friend's sister's co-worker just got some new ______________, or has a boyfriend/husband who is a real piece of work. How much money (aka time to earn said money) you blow on impressing women with the "right" clothes, the "right" car, the "right" career. It is staggering to think of the literally thousands of hours most of us will spend in our lifetimes...just to try and impress/please/pacify women enough for us to get into their pants. I'm not talking about the time we spend "in the act." Shoot...for that?! Long and slow is A-OK by me. I'm talking all the time/money it takes to get to that point.

Anyway, I didn't mean to hijack this thread! I just read James Daulton's "I don't understand..." comment in here, and immediately thought "I totally get it." Makes perfect sense to me. But then again, I've got "crack" to help keep me company. Though if my wife (or some other woman, if I wasn't married) liked to play...begged me to play...and while we're out on some lonely course with nobody else around, said "hey, I want you to rattle my chains...right here, right now!" I might last about 4-5 seconds before "...and boom goes the dynamite."

 

[Frostillicus]

In all seriousness though, I never said that I think sex isn't awesome. Good LORD I'd have sex a couple times a day if circumstances allowed for it! What I'm saying is that the COSTS of having sex (time, money) start to look awfully steep the older I get. If it was a matter of walking up to my wife and saying"hey, I've got ~90 minutes with nothing to do and the kids aren't home...wanna get naked and have me curl your toes?!" (lol) Let's roll! But that's not how it works in the real world. In the real world, your wife (or S.O.) has a To Do List at work a mile long, has a lunch date planned with a friend, is having her period and just feels unappealing at the moment, is tired/grumpy after your youngest kid woke her up for no good reason at 4:30am (after not getting to sleep until after midnight), is sad because her aunt or one of her best friends is battling breast cancer, is feeling unattractive and uncomfortable in her own skin after adding 5-10 pounds in the past year, is frustrated with you because you were honest about how spending 80% of your precious little free time on the evenings/weekend with her family/friends isn't your idea of a "good time," _________________ (shall I continue?).

Just think about all the time you blow pretending to be interested in listening to how your wife's/S.O.'s friend's sister's co-worker just got some new ______________, or has a boyfriend/husband who is a real piece of work. How much money (aka time to earn said money) you blow on impressing women with the "right" clothes, the "right" car, the "right" career. It is staggering to think of the literally thousands of hours most of us will spend in our lifetimes...just to try and impress/please/pacify women enough for us to get into their pants. I'm not talking about the time we spend "in the act." Shoot...for that?! Long and slow is A-OK by me. I'm talking all the time/money it takes to get to that point.

Datonn dude this isn't how most people live. That's super unhealthy, man.

 

[urbanhack]

It seems like some people who are in crappy marriages and no longer want to have sex with their spouse have forgotten how awesome sex is. Other than disk golf , sex is like the greatest thing ever. We're wired to want it and seek it out. It makes you feel "like a man" like just about nothing else does. And for those who say sex isn't worth the effort, I 100% guarantee that if the opportunity was out there with someone you found extremely attractive, you'd be banging as much as you were able. If not, then you should get your testosterone checked.

When you start to dislike someone, there are major psychological ramifications. This happened with my ex. I loved her unconditionally, like a sister, but I didn't like her any longer. The dislike started to outweigh the unconditional love factor. I had no physical attraction to her even though she was physically attractive. At some point the ugly personality makes it impossible to have a physical relationship. IMO

 

[datonn]

In all seriousness though, I never said that I think sex isn't awesome. Good LORD I'd have sex a couple times a day if circumstances allowed for it! What I'm saying is that the COSTS of having sex (time, money) start to look awfully steep the older I get. If it was a matter of walking up to my wife and saying"hey, I've got ~90 minutes with nothing to do and the kids aren't home...wanna get naked and have me curl your toes?!" (lol) Let's roll! But that's not how it works in the real world. In the real world, your wife (or S.O.) has a To Do List at work a mile long, has a lunch date planned with a friend, is having her period and just feels unappealing at the moment, is tired/grumpy after your youngest kid woke her up for no good reason at 4:30am (after not getting to sleep until after midnight), is sad because her aunt or one of her best friends is battling breast cancer, is feeling unattractive and uncomfortable in her own skin after adding 5-10 pounds in the past year, is frustrated with you because you were honest about how spending 80% of your precious little free time on the evenings/weekend with her family/friends isn't your idea of a "good time," _________________ (shall I continue?).

Just think about all the time you blow pretending to be interested in listening to how your wife's/S.O.'s friend's sister's co-worker just got some new ______________, or has a boyfriend/husband who is a real piece of work. How much money (aka time to earn said money) you blow on impressing women with the "right" clothes, the "right" car, the "right" career. It is staggering to think of the literally thousands of hours most of us will spend in our lifetimes...just to try and impress/please/pacify women enough for us to get into their pants. I'm not talking about the time we spend "in the act." Shoot...for that?! Long and slow is A-OK by me. I'm talking all the time/money it takes to get to that point.

Datonn dude this isn't how most people live. That's super unhealthy, man.

I agree that it's super unhealthy. 100%. But we'll need to agree to disagree on that being how most people live.