Stable life, meet college flame (1 Viewer)

[Fbguser]

I'm no FBG financially so the dual houses is not an option. She's separating from a high powered corporate attorney, and comes from a good bit of money (father is CFO of Fortune 500 company). She's aware im not raking it in, and says its a non issue. To her credit she's not at all materialistic, so I give her some credibility with the statement.

To the other quality replies (t bell, angry beavers, soylent green, others) thanks for the feedback. Some good stuff in some of these posts.

Jeebus Effing Christ... I'm sure these guys would make sure your life was a real dream, no?

This is starting to look like a really well executed fishing trip.

What's next... one of the two children is special needs?

I'm actually quite tight with the father. He helped facilitate our reconnection.

:ackbar: Enjoy your wife opening your summons for their divorce proceedings imo.ETA: Read this as father of flame's kids, not flame's father. Oops. Still, even weirder. I can't imagine ever inviting a married guy to bang my daughter.

He knew us as extremely close friends in college. The terms of us reconnecting never implied anything more than that.

 

[shadyridr]

Lmao at a friend outing his first name

######## ####### it ####### to ######## funny, right?

 

[Fbguser]

My wife is a 34A, almost a B. But she can rock a pair of yoga pants like nobody's business. That's all i got.

Pics?

Sure, I'm feeling charitable today

 

[Donsmith753]

Did you soak the walls?

 

[Michael Brown]

The rest of my life, by comparison, is not thread worthy here.

I can vouch for Dan, he leads a modest life by FBG standards. I will not condone his behavior, but I can cofirm the flame is a hot piece of ###

Let's not play this game

 

[Fbguser]

####### when people become instamom or ####### instadad. i dont live by a lot of rules. the only one i have ever had was! god forbid i ever had to think about ####### marriage ever, i would never take on anyone else's ####### kids.

I used to think this way too. I think that mindset might be changing, given the right circumstances.

Another component that may be relevant is wife is anti kids. I used to be comfortable with the idea of not having them. Over the last few years, that's changed somewhat for me.

That certainly doesn't justify infidelity. I'm aware of that. I'm just entering another element into the discussion.

 

[Jayrok]

Do not tell your wife. Leave the old flame alone. Be thankful you have a good friend you're married to that also gives you the sekks. NEVER TELL YOUR WIFE!

Concur. Stop cheating! Divorce if you must, but never, EVER, tell your wife about your infidelity. If she finds out later then deal with it then. Telling her doesn't make you feel any better about yourself and it opens up a world of hurt (seamingly endless) for you both. Don't do it!

 

[eoMMan]

Lmao at a friend outing his first name

######## ####### it ####### to ######## funny, right?

Fwiw, this isn't my alias.

 

[simey]

Starting with the basics. Mid 30's and in a decade-long marriage. No kids. We're happy and we get along great. Much like best friends and care about each other. However, the physical side of things started off decent and waned quickly from there. Deeper connection through conversation and shared interests is somewhat limited as well. At times it feels like we're just coasting through life on auto-pilot. She's an amazing woman and I realize the issues are likely partially my fault.

It's terrible that this amazing woman is being betrayed by you, and you are probably one of the people she trust most in life. I hope she finds out, and files for divorce. She deserves better than you.

Important FBG info: Flame has much better cans (30f) than wife. Both are petite. Sorry, no pics.

Your lack of respect for your wife isn't funny. You belong with the big bosom woman that doesn't care about f'ing a married man.

 

[Tom Servo]

Starting with the basics. Mid 30's and in a decade-long marriage. No kids. We're happy and we get along great. Much like best friends and care about each other. However, the physical side of things started off decent and waned quickly from there. Deeper connection through conversation and shared interests is somewhat limited as well. At times it feels like we're just coasting through life on auto-pilot. She's an amazing woman and I realize the issues are likely partially my fault.

It's terrible that this amazing woman is being betrayed by you, and you are probably one of the people she trust most in life. I hope she finds out, and files for divorce. She deserves better than you.

Important FBG info: Flame has much better cans (30f) than wife. Both are petite. Sorry, no pics.

Your lack of respect for your wife isn't funny. You belong with the big bosom woman that doesn't care about f'ing a married man.

* DROPS MIC *

Well said.

 

[Guest]

Starting with the basics. Mid 30's and in a decade-long marriage. No kids. We're happy and we get along great. Much like best friends and care about each other. However, the physical side of things started off decent and waned quickly from there. Deeper connection through conversation and shared interests is somewhat limited as well. At times it feels like we're just coasting through life on auto-pilot. She's an amazing woman and I realize the issues are likely partially my fault.

It's terrible that this amazing woman is being betrayed by you, and you are probably one of the people she trust most in life. I hope she finds out, and files for divorce. She deserves better than you.

Important FBG info: Flame has much better cans (30f) than wife. Both are petite. Sorry, no pics.

Your lack of respect for your wife isn't funny. You belong with the big bosom woman that doesn't care about f'ing a married man.

I don't disagree with any if this, but part of life is figuring these things out for yourself, because what leads to happiness is not what many of us think it is when we are young and need seasoning. You can't explain this to everyone: It has to be lived My major objection is not even the emotional damage this may cause the wife... She made her bed. The OP is obviously immature (evidenced by saying he realizes the physical rift may only "maybe" be "partially" his fault.). What worries me is the physical risks potentially being passes on to the wife. Something like a third of Americans carry STDs, and it's deeply unfair for the wife not to be able to opt out of risks she doesn't know you're inflicting.

Do her a favor and separate so she can see what's coming before you inflict real harm.

 

[Fbguser]

the deed is done, and that light bulb can't be unscrewed. so it seems like you have 3 options:

1. continue to juggle both women, acting and feeling like a total dirtbag, until you inevitably tell your wife out of pure guilt and the #### really hits the fan

2. tell your wife that it's not working out, handle it like adults, and then be free to pursue Molly Melons

3. cut off contact with the other chick, and try to not be a #### to your wife in the future

maybe I'm missing other options, but given the history and her status, it's hard to imagine you and Hindenburgs sailing off into paradise together without a hitch.

I agree with this. And frankly #1 is probably what you'll end up doing and also probably the worst choice. Gun to your head and you've got to pick a woman right now, which do you chose? If its Busty McGhee, then tell your wife you feel like its got stagnant and you want to move on, get divorced. DO NOT MENTION YOUR AFFAIR. Frankly, she doesn't need to know, it would only cause her pain, and it will make a divorce A LOT less friendly. If gun to your head you choose your wife, cut off Busty and try and be a better man. Also do not tell your wife about the affair here either. She gains nothing from having that knowledge.

Agree with all points made here. Gun to my head right now with w simple flip of the switch to choose, I choose flame right now. I also recognize im not thinking clearly and acting with complete information.There will be no more physical contact with flame until I've made a decision on how to proceed.

 

[jamny]

Much like best friends

Nice way to treat a best friend.

 

[Tom Servo]

the deed is done, and that light bulb can't be unscrewed. so it seems like you have 3 options:

1. continue to juggle both women, acting and feeling like a total dirtbag, until you inevitably tell your wife out of pure guilt and the #### really hits the fan

2. tell your wife that it's not working out, handle it like adults, and then be free to pursue Molly Melons

3. cut off contact with the other chick, and try to not be a #### to your wife in the future

maybe I'm missing other options, but given the history and her status, it's hard to imagine you and Hindenburgs sailing off into paradise together without a hitch.

I agree with this. And frankly #1 is probably what you'll end up doing and also probably the worst choice. Gun to your head and you've got to pick a woman right now, which do you chose? If its Busty McGhee, then tell your wife you feel like its got stagnant and you want to move on, get divorced. DO NOT MENTION YOUR AFFAIR. Frankly, she doesn't need to know, it would only cause her pain, and it will make a divorce A LOT less friendly. If gun to your head you choose your wife, cut off Busty and try and be a better man. Also do not tell your wife about the affair here either. She gains nothing from having that knowledge.

Agree with all points made here. Gun to my head right now with w simple flip of the switch to choose, I choose flame right now. I also recognize im not thinking clearly and acting with complete information.

Make all decision with the big head.

 

[Fbguser]

Did you soak the walls?

I must have missed this thread?

 

[moleculo]

this strikes me as the type of thread where the OP asks for advice, gets good advice, and then ignores good advice and does what he wants anyways.

 

[Arbitrator]

this strikes me as the type of thread where the OP asks for advice, gets good advice, and then ignores good advice and does what he wants anyways.

It's either this or a Tuesday version of a Friday

 

[TheIronSheik]

Starting with the basics. Mid 30's and in a decade-long marriage. No kids. We're happy and we get along great. Much like best friends and care about each other. However, the physical side of things started off decent and waned quickly from there. Deeper connection through conversation and shared interests is somewhat limited as well. At times it feels like we're just coasting through life on auto-pilot. She's an amazing woman and I realize the issues are likely partially my fault.

It's terrible that this amazing woman is being betrayed by you, and you are probably one of the people she trust most in life. I hope she finds out, and files for divorce. She deserves better than you.

Important FBG info: Flame has much better cans (30f) than wife. Both are petite. Sorry, no pics.

Your lack of respect for your wife isn't funny. You belong with the big bosom woman that doesn't care about f'ing a married man.

 

[Guest]

this strikes me as the type of thread where the OP asks for advice, gets good advice, and then ignores good advice and does what he wants anyways.

Yep. Maybe instead of soliciting what random dudes on the Web who like thin waists and big racks think, try considering what your wife's parents, and your own, would think. That'll probably orient you better.

 

[TheIronSheik]

this strikes me as the type of thread where the OP asks for advice, gets good advice, and then ignores good advice and does what he wants anyways.

Eminence?

 

[saintsfan]

I've read things on this board about reasons why marriages fall apart and sometimes, it's for the absolute best. The marriage has become a bad thing for both parties and for the kids. Mental health issues. Infidelity. Trust issues. Drugs. Whatever.

But what disturbs me about this, assuming the OP isn't fishing, is the casualness. I mean, when you step up to the preacher or justice of the peace and you say "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE." That doesn't mean, "until I get a little bored and a hot piece of ### that I have always been attracted to comes around."

I mean, come on. Doesn't your vow mean anything?? I am not so naive that I think that all marriages are gonna last forever. I've had discussions with my pastor who told me he has recommended divorce sometimes because a marriage was so far gone. This doesn't seem like one of those times.

The OP doesn't seem to realize that love is not just a feeling in your loins. It's a commitment. It's being willing to sacrifice. It's a decision. Feelings are only a very small part of love. Feelings come and go. That's why love has to be conscious will because if you leave it to feeling and emotion, nobody would stay married. I love my wife dearly, but sometimes I want to throw her through a wall. That's what marriage is. Getting through those days and telling yourself that how ever you feel at this particular moment, that's my wife. That's my partner for life. The days where you are all over each other, those days are easy. Anybody can do that. That's not what love is. Love is getting through the hard days.

 

[TheIronSheik]

I've read things on this board about reasons why marriages fall apart and sometimes, it's for the absolute best. The marriage has become a bad thing for both parties and for the kids. Mental health issues. Infidelity. Trust issues. Drugs. Whatever.

But what disturbs me about this, assuming the OP isn't fishing, is the casualness. I mean, when you step up to the preacher or justice of the peace and you say "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE." That doesn't mean, "until I get a little bored and a hot piece of ### that I have always been attracted to comes around."

I mean, come on. Doesn't your vow mean anything?? I am not so naive that I think that all marriages are gonna last forever. I've had discussions with my pastor who told me he has recommended divorce sometimes because a marriage was so far gone. This doesn't seem like one of those times.

The OP doesn't seem to realize that love is not just a feeling in your loins. It's a commitment. It's being willing to sacrifice. It's a decision. Feelings are only a very small part of love. Feelings come and go. That's why love has to be conscious will because if you leave it to feeling and emotion, nobody would stay married. I love my wife dearly, but sometimes I want to throw her through a wall. That's what marriage is. Getting through those days and telling yourself that how ever you feel at this particular moment, that's my wife. That's my partner for life. The days where you are all over each other, those days are easy. Anybody can do that. That's not what love is. Love is getting through the hard days.

Agreed.

Also, did the OP say how long they'd been married when the cheating happened?

 

[Chemical X]

I may subscribe to saintfans' newsletter, he seems lucid.

 

[jwb]

Lmao at a friend outing his first name

######## ####### it ####### to ######## funny, right?

Fwiw, this isn't my alias.

heh - nor mine

 

[saintsfan]

I may subscribe to saintfans' newsletter, he seems lucid.

Thanks

 

[Fbguser]

this strikes me as the type of thread where the OP asks for advice, gets good advice, and then ignores good advice and does what he wants anyways.

Yep. Maybe instead of soliciting what random dudes on the Web who like thin waists and big racks think, try considering what your wife's parents, and your own, would think. That'll probably orient you better.

What gave you the impression this is the only source of feedback im seeking?

 

[saintsfan]

I may subscribe to saintfans' newsletter, he seems lucid.

Thanks

I have a thread floating around here about The Beatles. Maurile said it was good so I believe everything he says because he's the smartest i-person I've ever met

 

[Jayrok]

I've read things on this board about reasons why marriages fall apart and sometimes, it's for the absolute best. The marriage has become a bad thing for both parties and for the kids. Mental health issues. Infidelity. Trust issues. Drugs. Whatever.

But what disturbs me about this, assuming the OP isn't fishing, is the casualness. I mean, when you step up to the preacher or justice of the peace and you say "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE." That doesn't mean, "until I get a little bored and a hot piece of ### that I have always been attracted to comes around."

I mean, come on. Doesn't your vow mean anything?? I am not so naive that I think that all marriages are gonna last forever. I've had discussions with my pastor who told me he has recommended divorce sometimes because a marriage was so far gone. This doesn't seem like one of those times.

The OP doesn't seem to realize that love is not just a feeling in your loins. It's a commitment. It's being willing to sacrifice. It's a decision. Feelings are only a very small part of love. Feelings come and go. That's why love has to be conscious will because if you leave it to feeling and emotion, nobody would stay married. I love my wife dearly, but sometimes I want to throw her through a wall. That's what marriage is. Getting through those days and telling yourself that how ever you feel at this particular moment, that's my wife. That's my partner for life. The days where you are all over each other, those days are easy. Anybody can do that. That's not what love is. Love is getting through the hard days.

While I agree with this post in general, the bolded isn't always understood when the groom is 18 years old.

 

[Fbguser]

For those who don't appear to be reading the thread:

This is about 25% the physical connection and 75% a much deeper connection that existed for years. There is a non-physical compatibility to my relationship with flame that are beyond what I will ever have with wife. Personallty, interests, goals, etc are much more in tune. Those things with wife are good enough. Those things with flame are unparalleled. Just trying to set right the notion that this is simply being distracted by the first shiny object that has come along.

 

[cstu]

For those who don't appear to be reading the thread:

This is about 25% the physical connection and 75% a much deeper connection that existed for years. There is a non-physical compatibility to my relationship with flame that are beyond what I will ever have with wife. Personallty, interests, goals, etc are much more in tune. Those things with wife are good enough. Those things with flame are unparalleled. Just trying to set right the notion that this is simply being distracted by the first shiny object that has come along.

It sounds like you don't want to be married to your wife, whatever happens with the flame.

 

[Jayrok]

For those who don't appear to be reading the thread:

This is about 25% the physical connection and 75% a much deeper connection that existed for years. There is a non-physical compatibility to my relationship with flame that are beyond what I will ever have with wife. Personallty, interests, goals, etc are much more in tune. Those things with wife are good enough. Those things with flame are unparalleled. Just trying to set right the notion that this is simply being distracted by the first shiny object that has come along.

Then leave your wife and chase after the one who you think will make you happy. A lot of people stay in marriages because they think it is what they're supposed to do. Life is too short to not pursue a chance to be happy. But don't keep going behind your wife's back for your romps.

Don't be a ##.

 

[Dinsy Ejotuz]

textbook case of "shiny new thing, inflating past memories, jumping at anything that fills a current void, beware the fresh divorcee",

 

[Apple Jack]

at tell the wife.

 

[Ned Ryerson]

For those who don't appear to be reading the thread:

This is about 25% the physical connection and 75% a much deeper connection that existed for years. There is a non-physical compatibility to my relationship with flame that are beyond what I will ever have with wife. Personallty, interests, goals, etc are much more in tune. Those things with wife are good enough. Those things with flame are unparalleled. Just trying to set right the notion that this is simply being distracted by the first shiny object that has come along.

Exactly. If you are certain about this, it seems like you have checked out in your mind. Do your wife the courtesy of ending it quickly and try to avoid ####### the old flame, for just a while, in the process. If this is your true solemate, she can wait a few months while things shake out.

 

[Al O'Pecia]

The sex was great, but this is 20% about the sex and 80% about the woman.

This is about 25% the physical connection and 75% a much deeper connection that existed for years.

Stock Watch: The value of mistress sex rose overnight, while the value of College Flame's personality took a downturn.

 

[Henry Ford]

The sex was great, but this is 20% about the sex and 80% about the woman.

This is about 25% the physical connection and 75% a much deeper connection that existed for years.

Stock Watch: The value of mistress sex rose overnight, while the value of College Flame's personality took a downturn.

That's kind of how these things go. Give it a month and it'll be 90% sex and 10% figuring out how to dump her without his wife finding out about her.

 

[saintsfan]

For those who don't appear to be reading the thread:

This is about 25% the physical connection and 75% a much deeper connection that existed for years. There is a non-physical compatibility to my relationship with flame that are beyond what I will ever have with wife. Personallty, interests, goals, etc are much more in tune. Those things with wife are good enough. Those things with flame are unparalleled. Just trying to set right the notion that this is simply being distracted by the first shiny object that has come along.

I read the thread. I understand exactly what you said. What you don't seem to understand is it doesn't matter. You said vows. You made a commitment. There are many girls in my past who I had more in common with than my wife. I didn't commit to them. I committed to my wife.

As far as the physical part. I'm sure if one of my old flames showed up and I decided to cheat on my wife with her, it would probably feel like "the best sex ever" because I've only been with one woman for the last 17 years. That's biology. Not love.

As far as what you should do, it sounds like you've already decided, but don't be surprised if a decade from now you feel the same way with the flame that you do now with your wife. That early attraction and such doesn't last forever. If you are lucky, your partner becomes your best friend that you have sex with. The ultimate "friends with benefits." I also think that is something that you can make happen. Let me ask you, how hard did you try to spice up your sex life with your wife?? Did you ever give her roses just because?? Did you ever plan a night away?? Maybe some romantic jazz and some wine and dinner and sleeping in a hotel suite??

It takes effort and work when you've been together for a long time, but if you want to be happy, that's what you do. Put her needs first and see what happens. Unless she is unlike any woman I've ever met, she will respond...

 

[ClownCausedChaos2]

this strikes me as the type of thread where the OP asks for advice, gets good advice, and then ignores good advice and does what he wants anyways.

Eminence?

Damnit!!

HARD DELETE!

FLOAT THE DRYWALL!

 

[Deranged Hermit]

I don't know you, but if this is a true story I'm not a big admirer of people who cheat on their spouses. Sounds like the stable life was crashed by you, not her.

If you're unhappy, get out of your marriage. What you are doing to your wife is pretty messed up.

Whoa, new record. The first two posts were pretty much spot-on what I was thinking while reading your post.

 

[Fbguser]

The sex was great, but this is 20% about the sex and 80% about the woman.

This is about 25% the physical connection and 75% a much deeper connection that existed for years.

Stock Watch: The value of mistress sex rose overnight, while the value of College Flame's personality took a downturn.

 

[Steve Tasker]

For those who don't appear to be reading the thread:

This is about 25% the physical connection and 75% a much deeper connection that existed for years. There is a non-physical compatibility to my relationship with flame that are beyond what I will ever have with wife. Personallty, interests, goals, etc are much more in tune. Those things with wife are good enough. Those things with flame are unparalleled. Just trying to set right the notion that this is simply being distracted by the first shiny object that has come along.

If this woman is so great and your personalities are so in-synch and whatnot - and you were, in your own words, "inseparable" - why did you completely lose touch with her for 15 years?

 

[AAABatteries]

Am I the only one who has no clue what size the gf/wife/SO cans are? Everybody always comes in her "there 30DD" or "she's a great A-cup" or "30f". Maybe I'm the only one but I've been with my wife almost 20 years and I have no clue.

She's a 34C.

I had my money on Leroy Hoard making this joke.

 

[moleculo]

this strikes me as the type of thread where the OP asks for advice, gets good advice, and then ignores good advice and does what he wants anyways.

Eminence?

Eminence, and pretty much every other advice seeking thread, ever.

 

[Abraham]

For those who don't appear to be reading the thread:

This is about 25% the physical connection and 75% a much deeper connection that existed for years. There is a non-physical compatibility to my relationship with flame that are beyond what I will ever have with wife. Personallty, interests, goals, etc are much more in tune. Those things with wife are good enough. Those things with flame are unparalleled. Just trying to set right the notion that this is simply being distracted by the first shiny object that has come along.

It sounds like you don't want to be married to your wife, whatever happens with the flame.

Actually sounds like he shouldn't have married his wife in the first place. She would certainly be better off and he might be as well.

 

[skol asylum]

For those who don't appear to be reading the thread:

This is about 25% the physical connection and 75% a much deeper connection that existed for years. There is a non-physical compatibility to my relationship with flame that are beyond what I will ever have with wife. Personallty, interests, goals, etc are much more in tune. Those things with wife are good enough. Those things with flame are unparalleled. Just trying to set right the notion that this is simply being distracted by the first shiny object that has come along.

If this woman is so great and your personalities are so in-synch and whatnot - and you were, in your own words, "inseparable" - why did you completely lose touch with her for 15 years?

Probably got addicted to the FBG forums and fell out of the real world for a bit.

 

[Deranged Hermit]

This situation is almost carbon-copy what a lady I work with went through:

* #####-bag hubby cheats on her with high-school sweetheart (who is married).

* He tells her he did and he wants a divorce.

* Tells her after their divorce and the other-woman's divorce is final, they are planning to get married.

Now here is what happened after:

* Other-woman has a come to Jesus sit down with her husband. They go to counseling. Marriage is stronger than ever!

* My co-worker met a great guy through a friend. She's never been happier and has a great relationship with him and will be getting married next year in June.

* #####-bag hubby is BEGGING (literally begging, I was there to witness the sad display) for her to take him back because he now has NOTHING. His kids hate him because what he did, my co-worker just ignores him and he's paying child support for three kids. Their circle of friends are even shunning him because of what he did.

Anyway, just something to think about.

 

[Quez]

Just keep screwing the divorced chick on the side for a little while and see how things play out.

You are already a cheater, so there is no sense in getting all ethical now.

If you were to get a divorce & get hitched up to the new chick odds are that will fizzle out in a year anyways. Plus, you will have 2 kids saying "f you your not my dad so I don't have to do what you say"

 

[Blind Tiger]

So, there won't be anything physical with the flame until you've decided how to proceed. Is that because she lives a plane flight away and you have no choice?

How much contact are you having with the flame right now? (texts, e-mails, phone calls)

How "playful" are the texts?

How many people know about this affair?

Without being too specific where did you tell your wife you were that weekend? (business, weekend with the guys, etc.)

Have you slept with your wife since your weekend getaway?

How many other guys is the flame hooking up with?

 

[Quez]

He doesn't have to worry about any kids hating him. As far as I see it if you all don't have kids that's almost a clean break.

 

[Al O'Pecia]

How "playful" are the texts?

This playful