Suicide (2 Viewers)

[Phil Elliott]

Looking for some advice here to help a friend. He owns a boutique shop in Austin. He seems to be having, what I am going to describe as a nervous breakdown. something happened to him about 6 weeks ago and he has been in a downward spiral since. Forgetting things, worried about losing everything (basically his shop is all he has), despair, very paranoid the local building admin wants to terminate his lease (although he mentioned he always pays the monthly bills). Feels trapped in his business as he has been there every day for years and doesn't have any help and never takes a vacation. I know he is getting some therapy help from the county. I asked him if I could call his daughter, and he said yes and gave me her number. I left a message with her today. He is a brilliant person, maybe too smart, as he is playing out whatever is happening to him physically/mentally and is worried about everything. Seems the focus is on his failing mental capacities. He has no family in the state. 90 year old mother lives out West and a daughter that lives out East. He seems very worried about dying. Any advice would be appreciated. Thx.

 

[Keith R]

Looking for some advice here to help a friend. He owns a boutique shop in Austin. He seems to be having, what I am going to describe as a nervous breakdown. something happened to him about 6 weeks ago and he has been in a downward spiral since. Forgetting things, worried about losing everything (basically his shop is all he has), despair, very paranoid the local building admin wants to terminate his lease (although he mentioned he always pays the monthly bills). Feels trapped in his business as he has been there every day for years and doesn't have any help and never takes a vacation. I know he is getting some therapy help from the county. I asked him if I could call his daughter, and he said yes and gave me her number. I left a message with her today. He is a brilliant person, maybe too smart, as he is playing out whatever is happening to him physically/mentally and is worried about everything. Seems the focus is on his failing mental capacities. He has no family in the state. 90 year old mother lives out West and a daughter that lives out East. He seems very worried about dying. Any advice would be appreciated. Thx.

All I can advise is to call Adult Protective Services as a first step.

 

[CurlyNight]

Looking for some advice here to help a friend. He owns a boutique shop in Austin. He seems to be having, what I am going to describe as a nervous breakdown. something happened to him about 6 weeks ago and he has been in a downward spiral since. Forgetting things, worried about losing everything (basically his shop is all he has), despair, very paranoid the local building admin wants to terminate his lease (although he mentioned he always pays the monthly bills). Feels trapped in his business as he has been there every day for years and doesn't have any help and never takes a vacation. I know he is getting some therapy help from the county. I asked him if I could call his daughter, and he said yes and gave me her number. I left a message with her today. He is a brilliant person, maybe too smart, as he is playing out whatever is happening to him physically/mentally and is worried about everything. Seems the focus is on his failing mental capacities. He has no family in the state. 90 year old mother lives out West and a daughter that lives out East. He seems very worried about dying. Any advice would be appreciated. Thx.

Hopefully his dau gets back to you and they have a close relationship. Support is crucial when you feel you are going down, and if you can be a good one as his friend, that would be really good for him. It can get tough and ugly as I can attest from experience with my cousin in my guardianship, but you have to think of it as quite possibly saving your friend's mental life at the very least. That alone is rewarding for me even though there are so many times I just want to "quit" because after a few years, it wears on you very thin no matter who it is.

He's got himself a lot of negativity going on with his thoughts and I'm not sure if it really is all the dire as he puts it. Sounds like he's more frustrated than on the edge to me, but it's of course a wild guess being I don't know him. Best to err on it could be serious and keep tabs on him as your friend. The forgetting things is due to his depression. Lift that and the memory should approve. Maybe he can have a chat about his lease to get that worry out of the way. If it's not going to be renewed, start planning for that day. If it is, make plans on what you really want to do with your biz. That seems to be the 1st thing to get straightened out before you embark on the owning your own biz woes. You can try and point out all the stuff he has going for him to see if that helps, but I suspect you will get a bunch of yes buts. The best thing you can do as I mentioned is support him and keep tabs on him, especially with no family nearby. GL!

 

[bweiser]

bweiser--there are smart people on this site who can help you figure things out

post more specific details of your situation and let's get you back on track

Be happy to answer any questions. Not sure what more I can tell you that would help.

Behind on rent. Owe two months (March and April) and obviously May is late. Basically owe about $2,200 for March and April including late fees and court costs. Contacted an agency that supposedly helps people with back rent. Wouldn't/couldn't help me. Probably going to contact them again and see if I qualify now for help. Not sure I will, though.

 

[tonydead]

Johnnycakes,

I dont post a whole lot so maybe this will carry a little weight.

It breaks my heart that you think that suicide is the only only way out (or have been in a place at times that makes it feel that way). I will never be able to fathom the mind set that you must be in when in gets to that point.

From a random Internet guy, there has to be something, maybe buried deep in the back of your mind, that makes you second guess your intentions when you feel like the only way out is suicide. Anything. Focus on that.

We all see how much pain and sorrow people feel when loved ones leave us too early. I'm glad you have stayed around, even if you feel like no one would miss you.

One think I can say is, when those thoughts creep up on you, just think that maybe there is something you are supposed to do before you leave. You'll never know what that is probably but the rest of us will. If it is to open up dialogue so people can talk about this subject openly then maybe you are on the right path. It's a tough subject and perhaps you are supposed to be here so the rest of us can better undertand. Stick around bud.

Can't speak for anyone else, but sometimes you just reach a point where you are like 'There is no other way out (other than suicide).'

I know. I feel like I'm at that point again.

I started working last weekend. I have been driving for Uber. It's not a bad gig. Long Friday and Saturday nights. I made about $150 each night. It would have been more Saturday, but toward the end of the night, I start experiencing car trouble. I decide not to take on any more riders and start heading home.

As I'm driving home, the 'service engine soon' light comes on. The last thing I can afford at this point is to get my car fixed.

It really feels like someone upstairs has decided to just take a dump on my head and enjoy a non-stop laugh at my expense.

I can't make enough money in the next few weeks to avoid eviction. I might have been close if I could have driven for Uber every night and now I can't.

So you tell me: Why wouldn't I think suicide is the only way out?

Sounds more like a challenge to me. You have your eyesight? All four limbs? Be a man and man-up to life's challenges dude.

 

[tonydead]

Is it fair to say that any failed suicide attempt is a "cry for help"? If someone really wanted to kill themselves, they would find a way to be successful.

I think it's safe to say all suicide attempts, failed or not, are cries for help.

 

[bweiser]

Some good news, bad news on the car.

Needs a new transmission.

Covered by warranty.

Won't have car until next Wednesday probably.

So can't work until then.

 

[fred_1_15301]

Some good news, bad news on the car.

Needs a new transmission.

Covered by warranty.

Won't have car until next Wednesday probably.

So can't work until then.

That's actually great news. You get a new transmission for free.

 

[TheIronSheik]

Some good news, bad news on the car.

Needs a new transmission.

Covered by warranty.

Won't have car until next Wednesday probably.

So can't work until then.

That's actually great news. You get a new transmission for free.

Agreed. Make sure they detail it before you leave the lot. Trust me on this.

 

[tonydead]

Sounds more like a challenge to me. You have your eyesight? All four limbs? Be a man and man-up to life's challenges dude.

If someone is genuinely depressed, telling them to "man up" is probably one of the most irresponsible things you can say.

How about pointing out the obvious: that he still has his eyesight, all 4 limbs, etc., and there are thousands of people who are much worse off than he is that actually overcome such challenges? Unlike loss of sight there are many treatments available that solve depression.

While we are at it we should probably talk about the value of life: Many thousands of people suffer through worse and die for their country. Many more thousands suffer through worse for a cause they believe in. Gaining a perspective that having having car troubles and being a few thousand dollar in dept, or gasp, even being homeless for a time period might not be such a bad thing comparatively. Certainly not worth dying for.

 

[TheIronSheik]

Sounds more like a challenge to me. You have your eyesight? All four limbs? Be a man and man-up to life's challenges dude.

If someone is genuinely depressed, telling them to "man up" is probably one of the most irresponsible things you can say.

How about pointing out the obvious: that he still has his eyesight, all 4 limbs, etc., and there are thousands of people who are much worse off than he is that actually overcome such challenges? Unlike loss of sight there are many treatments available that solve depression.

While we are at it we should probably talk about the value of life: Many thousands of people suffer through worse and die for their country. Many more thousands suffer through worse for a cause they believe in. Gaining a perspective that having having car troubles and being a few thousand dollar in dept, or gasp, even being homeless for a time period might not be such a bad thing comparatively. Certainly not worth dying for.

You may want to leave this thread.

 

[jamny]

dude

 

[tonydead]

Fine, I'll leave you guys to your misery.

I just find it fascinating that some people are willing to die for "a cause". While others are willing to die "just because".

 

[BroncoFreak_2K3]

Some good news, bad news on the car.

Needs a new transmission.

Covered by warranty.

Won't have car until next Wednesday probably.

So can't work until then.

That's actually great news. You get a new transmission for free.

Agreed. Make sure they detail it before you leave the lot. Trust me on this.

 

[Wooderson]

Some good news, bad news on the car.

Needs a new transmission.

Covered by warranty.

Won't have car until next Wednesday probably.

So can't work until then.

Good to hear. Be thankful you have a car new enough to be under warranty.

Be sure to check with dealership see if they offer a free rental. They don't always tell you.

 

[toenail_23]

Johnnycakes,

I dont post a whole lot so maybe this will carry a little weight.

It breaks my heart that you think that suicide is the only only way out (or have been in a place at times that makes it feel that way). I will never be able to fathom the mind set that you must be in when in gets to that point.

From a random Internet guy, there has to be something, maybe buried deep in the back of your mind, that makes you second guess your intentions when you feel like the only way out is suicide. Anything. Focus on that.

We all see how much pain and sorrow people feel when loved ones leave us too early. I'm glad you have stayed around, even if you feel like no one would miss you.

One think I can say is, when those thoughts creep up on you, just think that maybe there is something you are supposed to do before you leave. You'll never know what that is probably but the rest of us will. If it is to open up dialogue so people can talk about this subject openly then maybe you are on the right path. It's a tough subject and perhaps you are supposed to be here so the rest of us can better undertand. Stick around bud.

Can't speak for anyone else, but sometimes you just reach a point where you are like 'There is no other way out (other than suicide).'

I know. I feel like I'm at that point again.

I started working last weekend. I have been driving for Uber. It's not a bad gig. Long Friday and Saturday nights. I made about $150 each night. It would have been more Saturday, but toward the end of the night, I start experiencing car trouble. I decide not to take on any more riders and start heading home.

As I'm driving home, the 'service engine soon' light comes on. The last thing I can afford at this point is to get my car fixed.

It really feels like someone upstairs has decided to just take a dump on my head and enjoy a non-stop laugh at my expense.

I can't make enough money in the next few weeks to avoid eviction. I might have been close if I could have driven for Uber every night and now I can't.

So you tell me: Why wouldn't I think suicide is the only way out?

Sounds more like a challenge to me. You have your eyesight? All four limbs? Be a man and man-up to life's challenges dude.

This may be the most ignorant post I ever read on these boards.

 

[Smack Tripper]

Sounds more like a challenge to me. You have your eyesight? All four limbs? Be a man and man-up to life's challenges dude.

If someone is genuinely depressed, telling them to "man up" is probably one of the most irresponsible things you can say.

How about pointing out the obvious: that he still has his eyesight, all 4 limbs, etc., and there are thousands of people who are much worse off than he is that actually overcome such challenges? Unlike loss of sight there are many treatments available that solve depression.While we are at it we should probably talk about the value of life: Many thousands of people suffer through worse and die for their country. Many more thousands suffer through worse for a cause they believe in. Gaining a perspective that having having car troubles and being a few thousand dollar in dept, or gasp, even being homeless for a time period might not be such a bad thing comparatively. Certainly not worth dying for.

Tony I can't say your thoughts are uncommon or even alien to me. I don't want to shout you down because if you took the time to reply or even click on the thread, I believe you have good intentions. But in these matters it's important to keep some things in mind.

This isn't a question of logic and 1 + 1 = 2. It's more complex than that.

An affirmation of existence is never a bad thing but on the road back to stability, the last thing people need is a kick in the ###. Most people who've gotten to the point of sharing here have done that to themselves for far too long in a far harsher way than you know how.

For most, it's time for the pat on the back and a hug and a path of how things might improve.

If this is too hippy dippy for you, so be it. I'll ask that you respect the intent of this thread. We are not qualified professionals and I would urge any active posters or lurkers feeling this way to seek tangible real help or at least call a suicide help line. If we can be a life raft in the meantime, it's the most important thing this board has ever done.

But I really wish you would take these words to heart, not for the Board but for your friends and family. Good intent is a great thing and you never know when and where someone will need you and how you might be an intercepting step in a painfully permanent decision.

I want you to be there for those people.

We are all our own men here and all have to claim our own stake. But sometimes, we need a helping hand. So reach out and offer it, because but for the grace of god, who knows when you will need it extended to you.

 

[PatsWillWin]

Sounds more like a challenge to me. You have your eyesight? All four limbs? Be a man and man-up to life's challenges dude.

If someone is genuinely depressed, telling them to "man up" is probably one of the most irresponsible things you can say.

How about pointing out the obvious: that he still has his eyesight, all 4 limbs, etc., and there are thousands of people who are much worse off than he is that actually overcome such challenges? Unlike loss of sight there are many treatments available that solve depression.

While we are at it we should probably talk about the value of life: Many thousands of people suffer through worse and die for their country. Many more thousands suffer through worse for a cause they believe in. Gaining a perspective that having having car troubles and being a few thousand dollar in dept, or gasp, even being homeless for a time period might not be such a bad thing comparatively. Certainly not worth dying for.

I'm very glad for you that you haven't had anyone close in your life deal with depression/anxiety/etc., but this really isn't the place for you to get educated about it.

 

[shadyridr]

Never heard of someone killing themselves due to car troubles. Sounds like depression. And you need medical treatment.

 

[Johnnymac]

Sounds more like a challenge to me. You have your eyesight? All four limbs? Be a man and man-up to life's challenges dude.

If someone is genuinely depressed, telling them to "man up" is probably one of the most irresponsible things you can say.

How about pointing out the obvious: that he still has his eyesight, all 4 limbs, etc., and there are thousands of people who are much worse off than he is that actually overcome such challenges? Unlike loss of sight there are many treatments available that solve depression.While we are at it we should probably talk about the value of life: Many thousands of people suffer through worse and die for their country. Many more thousands suffer through worse for a cause they believe in. Gaining a perspective that having having car troubles and being a few thousand dollar in dept, or gasp, even being homeless for a time period might not be such a bad thing comparatively. Certainly not worth dying for.

Tony I can't say your thoughts are uncommon or even alien to me. I don't want to shout you down because if you took the time to reply or even click on the thread, I believe you have good intentions.But in these matters it's important to keep some things in mind.

This isn't a question of logic and 1 + 1 = 2. It's more complex than that.

An affirmation of existence is never a bad thing but on the road back to stability, the last thing people need is a kick in the ###. Most people who've gotten to the point of sharing here have done that to themselves for far too long in a far harsher way than you know how.

For most, it's time for the pat on the back and a hug and a path of how things might improve.

If this is too hippy dippy for you, so be it. I'll ask that you respect the intent of this thread. We are not qualified professionals and I would urge any active posters or lurkers feeling this way to seek tangible real help or at least call a suicide help line. If we can be a life raft in the meantime, it's the most important thing this board has ever done.

But I really wish you would take these words to heart, not for the Board but for your friends and family. Good intent is a great thing and you never know when and where someone will need you and how you might be an intercepting step in a painfully permanent decision.

I want you to be there for those people.

We are all our own men here and all have to claim our own stake. But sometimes, we need a helping hand. So reach out and offer it, because but for the grace of god, who knows when you will need it extended to you.

Just wanted to say "great post". We need more people like you in this world.

 

[Johnnymac]

Sounds more like a challenge to me. You have your eyesight? All four limbs? Be a man and man-up to life's challenges dude.

If someone is genuinely depressed, telling them to "man up" is probably one of the most irresponsible things you can say.

How about pointing out the obvious: that he still has his eyesight, all 4 limbs, etc., and there are thousands of people who are much worse off than he is that actually overcome such challenges? Unlike loss of sight there are many treatments available that solve depression.

While we are at it we should probably talk about the value of life: Many thousands of people suffer through worse and die for their country. Many more thousands suffer through worse for a cause they believe in. Gaining a perspective that having having car troubles and being a few thousand dollar in dept, or gasp, even being homeless for a time period might not be such a bad thing comparatively. Certainly not worth dying for.

Most people who have tried suicide have fought battles that you couldn't even dream about.

 

[SpurrierisisGod]

To me, it seems that money has a lot to do with the issues. Not necessarily in JC'S case, but others. I don't want to say the old cliche "money is the root of all evils" but it's dang close.

I know money is what I worry about the most. I've never been in a "aabout to get evicted" situation but I can only imagine what that feeling is like.

If you file bankruptcy does that stop the eviction process? Maybe delay it a bit until something else is figured out?

Seems like what we need is a little more time: time to figure out how to get you on your feet. Time to get you help. What we don't need is one less person that could possibly have more to give this world, less time than he deserves.

I'm not rich, I can't offer monetary help. What I can offer though is that, without knowing you, I believe you matter. everyone matters. We just need to help you find the path to show you its true. We can't help unless you ask.

 

[wazoo11]

To me, it seems that money has a lot to do with the issues. Not necessarily in JC'S case, but others. I don't want to say the old cliche "money is the root of all evils" but it's dang close.

I know money is what I worry about the most. I've never been in a "aabout to get evicted" situation but I can only imagine what that feeling is like.

If you file bankruptcy does that stop the eviction process? Maybe delay it a bit until something else is figured out?

Seems like what we need is a little more time: time to figure out how to get you on your feet. Time to get you help. What we don't need is one less person that could possibly have more to give this world, less time than he deserves.

I'm not rich, I can't offer monetary help. What I can offer though is that, without knowing you, I believe you matter. everyone matters. We just need to help you find the path to show you its true. We can't help unless you ask.

Showing empathy and or compassion to someone in need is the best kind of help.

 

[fred_1_15301]

Never heard of someone killing themselves due to car troubles. Sounds like depression. And you need medical treatment.

Have you even read any of his posts? It goes way beyond "car troubles".

 

[Parmcat]

Fine, I'll leave you guys to your misery.

I just find it fascinating that some people are willing to die for "a cause". While others are willing to die "just because".

Well aren't you just a ray of ####### sunshine

 

[matuski]

Fine, I'll leave you guys to your misery.

I just find it fascinating that some people are willing to die for "a cause". While others are willing to die "just because".

Jesus christ man what is your problem?

 

[shadyridr]

Never heard of someone killing themselves due to car troubles. Sounds like depression. And you need medical treatment.

Have you even read any of his posts? It goes way beyond "car troubles".

yes I have. He sounds like someone suffering depression and needs help.

 

[TheIronSheik]

Money isn't the reason people commit suicide. There are thousands of reasons people do. And a lot of times, they are all small. But they add up. Money might be a small issue, but it can be the issue that pushes you over the edge. Same with car trouble. It's easy to think "He was going to take his life because he had car trouble?" But that's just the straw that broke the camel's back. And, yes, I know that was a weird phrase for me to use.

 

[fred_1_15301]

Never heard of someone killing themselves due to car troubles. Sounds like depression. And you need medical treatment.

Have you even read any of his posts? It goes way beyond "car troubles".

yes I have. He sounds like someone suffering depression and needs help.

Depression can lead to suicide. His depression/suicidal thoughts are not linked completely to "car troubles" (as you alluded to). Of course he needs help.

 

[Wooderson]

Never heard of someone killing themselves due to car troubles. Sounds like depression. And you need medical treatment.

Jeez man of course it's not just car trouble. It really is not that simple.

 

[Wooderson]

Never heard of someone killing themselves due to car troubles. Sounds like depression. And you need medical treatment.

Have you even read any of his posts? It goes way beyond "car troubles".

yes I have. He sounds like someone suffering depression and needs help.

Depression can lead to suicide. His depression/suicidal thoughts are not linked completely to "car troubles" (as you alluded to). Of course he needs help.

Yep

 

[fantasycurse42]

Some good news, bad news on the car.

Needs a new transmission.

Covered by warranty.

Won't have car until next Wednesday probably.

So can't work until then.

That is great news (well, it sucks that you need a new transmission, but you don't have to spend any money)...

By Wednesday, you can get moving on putting it all back together, this is just my so take it FWIW:

You have 5 days of "free" time. You need to take this time to gather your thoughts, relax, come up with a game plan, and prepare for the road back. The beginning is always the hardest and you need to be ready for some hard work and challenging times.

• Friday through Sunday - Relax, do something relaxing you enjoy that isn't poker (read a book, sit outside in the sun, throw bread to ducks, catch up with some old friends, whatever takes you to a peaceful place)

• Monday and Tuesday - Relaxation time is over, you've had a few days to recharge the batteries, time to start thinking. What do you want to do and what do you need to do? If you want to drive for Uber as a permanent source of income, there is nothing wrong with that... Not everyone loves their job, most people prob don't. Whatever you decide you need to make a plan over those two days. If there are certain fields you want to pursue, go on indeed.com and search for jobs and send out resumes on these days.

• Time to get to the grind and start acting on your plans. If you can make $100 a day on weekdays and $150 a day on weekends, work for the next 5 days and put $600 in your pocket.

Things won't be easy at first, but they will get better if you work at it. As I said, take a few days to relax and enjoy life, then go get living. GL!

 

[tonydead]

Tony I can't say your thoughts are uncommon or even alien to me. I don't want to shout you down because if you took the time to reply or even click on the thread, I believe you have good intentions.But in these matters it's important to keep some things in mind.

This isn't a question of logic and 1 + 1 = 2. It's more complex than that.

An affirmation of existence is never a bad thing but on the road back to stability, the last thing people need is a kick in the ###. Most people who've gotten to the point of sharing here have done that to themselves for far too long in a far harsher way than you know how.

For most, it's time for the pat on the back and a hug and a path of how things might improve.

If this is too hippy dippy for you, so be it. I'll ask that you respect the intent of this thread. We are not qualified professionals and I would urge any active posters or lurkers feeling this way to seek tangible real help or at least call a suicide help line. If we can be a life raft in the meantime, it's the most important thing this board has ever done.

But I really wish you would take these words to heart, not for the Board but for your friends and family. Good intent is a great thing and you never know when and where someone will need you and how you might be an intercepting step in a painfully permanent decision.

I want you to be there for those people.

We are all our own men here and all have to claim our own stake. But sometimes, we need a helping hand. So reach out and offer it, because but for the grace of god, who knows when you will need it extended to you.

Thank you Smack Tripper. For a lot of philosophies in life I have different opinions and approach than most people. But, I'm not a complete moron; I realize why some of my comments were inappropriate and I apologize, I am sorry. I understand why I was asked to leave this thread and apart from this post I will honor that.

Despite what some posters suggested I do have close personally experience with this and the compassionate supportive approach didn't work. I regret to this day not telling him what a selfish ##### he was being to his wife and his children when he decided to try and shoot himself and burn his house down.

 

[fred_1_15301]

Tony I can't say your thoughts are uncommon or even alien to me. I don't want to shout you down because if you took the time to reply or even click on the thread, I believe you have good intentions.But in these matters it's important to keep some things in mind.

This isn't a question of logic and 1 + 1 = 2. It's more complex than that.

An affirmation of existence is never a bad thing but on the road back to stability, the last thing people need is a kick in the ###. Most people who've gotten to the point of sharing here have done that to themselves for far too long in a far harsher way than you know how.

For most, it's time for the pat on the back and a hug and a path of how things might improve.

If this is too hippy dippy for you, so be it. I'll ask that you respect the intent of this thread. We are not qualified professionals and I would urge any active posters or lurkers feeling this way to seek tangible real help or at least call a suicide help line. If we can be a life raft in the meantime, it's the most important thing this board has ever done.

But I really wish you would take these words to heart, not for the Board but for your friends and family. Good intent is a great thing and you never know when and where someone will need you and how you might be an intercepting step in a painfully permanent decision.

I want you to be there for those people.

We are all our own men here and all have to claim our own stake. But sometimes, we need a helping hand. So reach out and offer it, because but for the grace of god, who knows when you will need it extended to you.

Thank you Smack Tripper. For a lot of philosophies in life I have different opinions and approach than most people. But, I'm not a complete moron; I realize why some of my comments were inappropriate and I apologize, I am sorry. I understand why I was asked to leave this thread and apart from this post I will honor that.

Despite what some posters suggested I do have close personally experience with this and the compassionate supportive approach didn't work. I regret to this day not telling him what a selfish ##### he was being to his wife and his children when he decided to try and shoot himself and burn his house down.

And what if Bweiser doesn't have a wife or kids or anyone close in his life? Is he still a selfish ##### because he's suffering from depression and feels that he's hit rock bottom?

 

[johnnycakes]

Tony I can't say your thoughts are uncommon or even alien to me. I don't want to shout you down because if you took the time to reply or even click on the thread, I believe you have good intentions.But in these matters it's important to keep some things in mind.

This isn't a question of logic and 1 + 1 = 2. It's more complex than that.

An affirmation of existence is never a bad thing but on the road back to stability, the last thing people need is a kick in the ###. Most people who've gotten to the point of sharing here have done that to themselves for far too long in a far harsher way than you know how.

For most, it's time for the pat on the back and a hug and a path of how things might improve.

If this is too hippy dippy for you, so be it. I'll ask that you respect the intent of this thread. We are not qualified professionals and I would urge any active posters or lurkers feeling this way to seek tangible real help or at least call a suicide help line. If we can be a life raft in the meantime, it's the most important thing this board has ever done.

But I really wish you would take these words to heart, not for the Board but for your friends and family. Good intent is a great thing and you never know when and where someone will need you and how you might be an intercepting step in a painfully permanent decision.

I want you to be there for those people.

We are all our own men here and all have to claim our own stake. But sometimes, we need a helping hand. So reach out and offer it, because but for the grace of god, who knows when you will need it extended to you.

Thank you Smack Tripper. For a lot of philosophies in life I have different opinions and approach than most people. But, I'm not a complete moron; I realize why some of my comments were inappropriate and I apologize, I am sorry. I understand why I was asked to leave this thread and apart from this post I will honor that.

Despite what some posters suggested I do have close personally experience with this and the compassionate supportive approach didn't work. I regret to this day not telling him what a selfish ##### he was being to his wife and his children when he decided to try and shoot himself and burn his house down.

You see, I was considerate about it. I lined up ample life insurance over two years ago (I think there is some case history that says insurance suicide clauses aren't valid more than two years and, in fact, I have never seen one written for longer than that). And went outside to avoid making a mess in the house and sat down up against a tree so the round wouldn't harm anyone else after passing through my head. The police pulled the round out of the tree after my friggin' wife knocked the gun up when I was firing.

 

[Smack Tripper]

Tony I can't say your thoughts are uncommon or even alien to me. I don't want to shout you down because if you took the time to reply or even click on the thread, I believe you have good intentions.But in these matters it's important to keep some things in mind.

This isn't a question of logic and 1 + 1 = 2. It's more complex than that.

An affirmation of existence is never a bad thing but on the road back to stability, the last thing people need is a kick in the ###. Most people who've gotten to the point of sharing here have done that to themselves for far too long in a far harsher way than you know how.

For most, it's time for the pat on the back and a hug and a path of how things might improve.

If this is too hippy dippy for you, so be it. I'll ask that you respect the intent of this thread. We are not qualified professionals and I would urge any active posters or lurkers feeling this way to seek tangible real help or at least call a suicide help line. If we can be a life raft in the meantime, it's the most important thing this board has ever done.

But I really wish you would take these words to heart, not for the Board but for your friends and family. Good intent is a great thing and you never know when and where someone will need you and how you might be an intercepting step in a painfully permanent decision.

I want you to be there for those people.

We are all our own men here and all have to claim our own stake. But sometimes, we need a helping hand. So reach out and offer it, because but for the grace of god, who knows when you will need it extended to you.

Thank you Smack Tripper. For a lot of philosophies in life I have different opinions and approach than most people. But, I'm not a complete moron; I realize why some of my comments were inappropriate and I apologize, I am sorry. I understand why I was asked to leave this thread and apart from this post I will honor that.

Despite what some posters suggested I do have close personally experience with this and the compassionate supportive approach didn't work. I regret to this day not telling him what a selfish ##### he was being to his wife and his children when he decided to try and shoot himself and burn his house down.

You see, I was considerate about it. I lined up ample life insurance over two years ago (I think there is some case history that says insurance suicide clauses aren't valid more than two years and, in fact, I have never seen one written for longer than that). And went outside to avoid making a mess in the house and sat down up against a tree so the round wouldn't harm anyone else after passing through my head. The police pulled the round out of the tree after my friggin' wife knocked the gun up when I was firing.

Regardless of how you feel brother, I'm glad she did. Plenty of time to see whats in that great beyond. You're a good dude and a good poster and have lots of knowledge to give and laughs to share.

 

[Smack Tripper]

Tony I can't say your thoughts are uncommon or even alien to me. I don't want to shout you down because if you took the time to reply or even click on the thread, I believe you have good intentions.But in these matters it's important to keep some things in mind.

This isn't a question of logic and 1 + 1 = 2. It's more complex than that.

An affirmation of existence is never a bad thing but on the road back to stability, the last thing people need is a kick in the ###. Most people who've gotten to the point of sharing here have done that to themselves for far too long in a far harsher way than you know how.

For most, it's time for the pat on the back and a hug and a path of how things might improve.

If this is too hippy dippy for you, so be it. I'll ask that you respect the intent of this thread. We are not qualified professionals and I would urge any active posters or lurkers feeling this way to seek tangible real help or at least call a suicide help line. If we can be a life raft in the meantime, it's the most important thing this board has ever done.

But I really wish you would take these words to heart, not for the Board but for your friends and family. Good intent is a great thing and you never know when and where someone will need you and how you might be an intercepting step in a painfully permanent decision.

I want you to be there for those people.

We are all our own men here and all have to claim our own stake. But sometimes, we need a helping hand. So reach out and offer it, because but for the grace of god, who knows when you will need it extended to you.

Thank you Smack Tripper. For a lot of philosophies in life I have different opinions and approach than most people. But, I'm not a complete moron; I realize why some of my comments were inappropriate and I apologize, I am sorry. I understand why I was asked to leave this thread and apart from this post I will honor that.

Despite what some posters suggested I do have close personally experience with this and the compassionate supportive approach didn't work. I regret to this day not telling him what a selfish ##### he was being to his wife and his children when he decided to try and shoot himself and burn his house down.

Apology accepted on my end of things. I'm sorry about your personal situation, I don't have to tell you how bad that is and your reaction and feelings are absolutely normal. You cant fight your emotions and I know that feeling you speak of.

I can't tell you how to feel or what to feel, but for what its worth, it helps to know suicide generally isn't a selfish choice despite all outward appearances. But I can see how it reads as such, thus I don't sit in the least bit of judgement of your reaction. Its ok to be mad at those that leave us, but you may find long term its more healthy for you and those left behind that its not always, and rarely in fact an attack or has anything to do with the living.

I would encourage you to read through this thread. And not even all in one sitting. There's a lot of good stuff and links. Its not simply about helping those at risk but managing the after effects you speak of. Take some time and digest and I think you'll see the tone here and get a feel for what may be appropriate when.

And for the record what I'm writing is my opinion, others may disagree and I may be egrgiously wrong in fact. Hence all thoughts here may get a little over done with talk to a therapist or call the suicide help line or visit a support group.

So to that end, if you feel angry or guilty about your situation, at the end of the day, your friend was responsibile for himself and may have been commited to his action in such a way that no course of action that you might have done would have likely changed anything short of tying to a chair until old age. Don't beat yourself up for it man.

I would merely ask you to respect your tone in dealing with some folks in the middle of a tough moment here but I personally don't think you have to nor do I want you to leave the thread

As I said, I want you, I want all of us, to be there to help those that need it. None of us are experts and if we can all come together and maybe find a better way to be there for people, then its great.

 

[Gawain]

I was in the fertility clinic this morning and the waiting room had an ESPN magazine in it.

There was a story about the U Penn student who killed herself within.

Awful reading about a father's anguish at all, compounded by the fact that I was there to try to become a father.

Amazing the pain that she left behind.

There's help out there for everyone.

 

[=Smackdown=]

Lost a friend last night - hung himself - 44 years old.

Battled crack/heroin addiction. Was clean for a year - celebrated the accomplishment just last week.

His poor parents - day before Mother's Day.

Just numb and extremely angry.

 

[=Smackdown=]

I was just going to bump this thread too.

RIP G.D.

Stupid mother ####er

 

[bweiser]

my best friend's daughter hung herself in a jail cell about two years ago,

i would love to be able to talk to him about what is going through my head sometimes, but i can't do that to him.

 

[simey]

my best friend's daughter hung herself in a jail cell about two years ago,

i would love to be able to talk to him about what is going through my head sometimes, but i can't do that to him.

I lost someone very close to me to suicide, and if my best friend was having those thoughts, I would much rather my best friend share those thoughts with me than not. I know everyone is different, but that's how I feel.

 

[shadyridr]

Never heard of someone killing themselves due to car troubles. Sounds like depression. And you need medical treatment.

Jeez man of course it's not just car trouble. It really is not that simple.

i think you guys misunderstood me. I was telling Tony dead that people don't wanna kill themselves over car troubles and that he was suffering from a classic case of depression

 

[Rooster]

My sister attempted suicide this year. Turns out it was her second attempt, first one failed a few months earlier and nobody found out about it. The way she did it felt very selfish, somewhere where my Mom would find her, with a high probability of my Mom being alone. Truth be told, there's still a lot of anger on my end. I'm doing my best not to burden her with my anger about the act itself, I realize that's best for me to deal with. I feel like right now, my expectations are she takes it seriously (and we've had talks about my expectations), but she doesn't seem to be doing so. She repeatedly talks about how everyone "overreacted" to her attempt, how it wasn't that big of a big deal, how everyone is "forcing" her to go to therapy, she's pulled herself out of several programs against doctor recommendations, she's lied to the family about what the doctors say, and she's actively drinking (not even attempting to hide it) despite warnings from her doctor, on her medication label and pleas from her family. She seems completely irrational when it comes to dealing with the consequences of the act. I greatly offended her when I wouldn't let her watch my kids for the weekend (an event that was pre-planned) less than 24 hours after she removed herself from inpatient therapy against her doctors wishes (and only a few days after the attempt).

We're at a spot where I just don't see this ending well and I find myself cautious about investing too much in the relationship for the sake of my children. I know removing myself and my children from her life won't set her down the right path, but sitting here while she tries to sweep everything under the rug, pretend like it never happened, while she continues to make the same bad life choices that lead her to suicide in the first place? That's not really working for me either. Seems like we've got several people here with some experience and maybe they can help offer some suggestions and/or a different perspective that'll help me get on the right track.

In this case you have to think of yourself and your kids. I'd tell her you are there for her and will help her to get the help she needs if she stays with it this time. Then you have to step away while still being supportive. If she wants to talk, let her talk. Don't pull completely away, but you have to keep your own sanity and your kids welfare first priority. I've had a family member with bipolar who was similar to this, refusing everything then putting the blame on us for not understanding. Since she's an adult, she signed herself out after 5150 was over and wound up basically homeless (of her own choosing by running away). She was on and off her meds along the way. Finally she had to make the choice: you are either going to be homeless or worse, die, or you are going to try and help yourself. Family was behind her but had to let her go and hit rock bottom. It was scary because of course she could have offed herself then you'd be left with the I should haves, but you did what you could and you can't sacrifice yourself and your kids for someone who is clearly not yet on any path of recovery. For some it takes a few miserable 5150 lockups to want to get better. For others they truly don't care and you may not be able to stop them from offing themselves.

Thanks, I appreciate your perspective. It's kind of the road I've been leading myself down, that if she's not going to give this the seriousness the situation deserves that maybe she's got a little farther to fall before she's ready to deal with it. The fear, of course, is that we already almost lost her and if she falls further, what if she succeeds next time? My Mom and I have talked a lot about this, I think she's in the camp of we need to do whatever it takes to make her life easier, not harder. I feel like my sister is taking advantage of that and holding my Mom emotionally hostage (there was an argument about whether my mom would continue to support her monetarily if she continued drinking, my Mom backed down because my sister insisted she just wanted to be controlling and was stressing her out about money when she had enough to deal with and if she didn't have the monetary support she wouldn't be able to afford the therapy copays, etc.). My Mom is absolutely scared to think that any foot she puts down will be the cause of another event and she couldn't live with the stress of thinking she's the one who caused it. I'm concerned about that line, but I'm not accepting any responsibility or blame for my sister's actions (though I would expect future problems with my Mom if she views my actions as a catalyst).

Wow. Your poor mom.That's a terrible burden to be carrying. She is clearly being manipulated, and as a mom, it is harder on her than any other family member simply because she is mom. Your mom isn't the one who is causing anything nor has she caused where your sister is at now. I know she doesn't/won't feel that way, but it is your sister who is the cause of her own issues, especially not seeking and sticking to treatment and meds. You and I aren't going to really get your mom to understand this, so is your mom willing to talk to folks in the same boat as herself? Nami isn't just for patients but for family/friends as well. IMO she really should be in a group with folks facing the same issues, even if it's not going to solve the situation because it may not, your sister is going to do what she is going to do. Maybe if she wants to help her financially, she can make sure it's going to the right place by making the check out to the therapist and whatever treatment place she says she is going to. Your sister will cry about this and claim she doesn't trust her, and well she'll be right- but she can't claim your mom isn't trying to help her.

I'm back again looking for some feedback. You can read the history above to find out some basic details, but since this that post some major events have happened. My sister hasn't worked, she's been going to a program and has been fully supported by my Mom (including cruises, vacations to NYC - so very lavishly). She's still drinking, both alone and with friends and there's still no attempts to hide it. My Mom, who has had a lot of health issues, passed away last Christmas eve. It was rather sudden, small symptoms showing up in June, discovery of a new cancer the day after Thanksgiving and, after several complications, she passed on Christmas eve. Everyone was hit hard, particularly my sister. My Mom, because she was so worried about my sister, ended up leaving her 95% of the estate which included a significant amount of life insurance. My sister now has a fully paid off house, every asset my mom owned and six figures in a bank account.

When my Mom passed, she took herself out of her program because there was so much to deal with. She spent Jan - Mar dealing with paperwork related to my Mom's passing, doing some improvements to the house, and things like that. She re-entered the program on a more limited basis (partial day vs full day) sometime in the last several weeks, but it still doesn't feel like she's taking it seriously (still drinking/partying, staying up till 3-4am most nights, etc.). She was over this weekend to visit my daughters and was bragging about some things she's lying to her program about or recommendations they have that she refuses to follow (the things seem much less consequential than the alcohol, but still). She'll have access to this program until June, when my step Father's insurance will stop covering her.

In any event, she was up to visit the kids this weekend. We had a good visit and she left, nothing out of the ordinary at all. About 30 minutes after she left I get a text to myself and several of her friends that she's turning off her phone and won't turn it on until Monday, that she won't be home and needs some time alone but "everything is okay." Obviously, I expected the first Mother's day without my Mom to be hard on her, but I'm not sure what to make of this.

I guess I understand if she wanted to do something special on Mother's day to remember my Mom and I understand if she wants to be alone. I don't quite understand turning off the phone rather than trying to ignore it and I really don't understand why she wouldn't have said anything while she visited me. I sort of get the feeling like this was planned to freak everyone out. I'm worried that my Mom never let her hit rock bottom so she never got serious about the issue and now she has enough money not to really be bothered by financial stress for several years (even with very poor money management).

I'm worried about her. I'm worried about my kids (2 and 4), who absolutely worship the ground she walks on. A big part of me wants to rip her a new one for how she handled it and the unnecessary stress she's put on everyone (she could've done the same thing in a much more mature way I feel) in an attempt to get her to take things seriously, but I don't have a lot of hope it'll be effective. I don't feel like ignoring it improves the situation at all either. This just all feels very lose-lose to me. I'm interested in the perspectives of those here that have experience. What the heck is the right play here?

 

[El Floppo]

No experience- but I'm terribly sorry to hear about your mom, Rooster.

GL over the weekend. My instinct is to check in with your sister on Monday and just let her know that going off the grid over the first mothers' day without mom scares the #### out of you and that you're worried about and for her and are there for and love her (ie: no need to go off the grid).

 

[Rooster]

No experience- but I'm terribly sorry to hear about your mom, Rooster.

GL over the weekend. My instinct is to check in with your sister on Monday and just let her know that going off the grid over the first mothers' day without mom scares the #### out of you and that you're worried about and for her and are there for and love her (ie: no need to go off the grid).

Thanks for your input, I've been thinking about it more and trying to distill the issue into my most basic objection with her behavior. I want to be firm, clear, and spell out the consequences without attacking and getting her on the defensive. I think I've come to the conclusion that my objection is her making a major decision in a way that actively prevents any input from her support system and the consequence of that behavior is me losing trust in her ability to make sound decisions (something we've talked about before, especially when it comes to watching the kids alone). At this point, I figure I make a call Monday evening and let her know that her text disappointed me, that I don't think it's okay to make major decisions like that in a way that prevents input from your support system and the way she's behaved makes it difficult for me to trust her decision making abilities in the future and it makes me concerned that she's not in as good of a place as she's lead me to believe.

I'm guessing she's going to use a "you just don't trust me" sort of defense. I think the counter is that she clearly demonstrated that she didn't trust her support group well enough to get input on a major decision either and that the way she went about it is only likely to weaken any trust we had in her ability to make decisions going forward.

I also figure there's the "I'm an adult, I can do what I want" defense too and the only counter to that is that yes, she can do what she wants, at the cost of trust and explain the consequences of continuing to erode that trust (losing any unsupervised access with the kids, for instance).

At this point, I don't have a lot of strong relationships with the other people in her support group, there's my step father and that's pretty much it. The rest are her friends, most of whom drink with her, so I don't particularly trust their judgement. I don't know whether I should reach out and encourage others to voice their concerns to her, or if multiple people confronting her will be counterproductive.

 

[Chaos Commish]

Lost a friend last night - hung himself - 44 years old.

Battled crack/heroin addiction. Was clean for a year - celebrated the accomplishment just last week.

His poor parents - day before Mother's Day.

Just numb and extremely angry.

Lost a relative last week. We don't know if it was an accidental or deliberate OD, but it was heroin and she was an addict. I'm just no good with devastated people and feel so bad for her mom today. It's a helpless feeling wanting to help.

 

[Chaos Commish]

my best friend's daughter hung herself in a jail cell about two years ago,

i would love to be able to talk to him about what is going through my head sometimes, but i can't do that to him.

Do you have someone to talk to about what is going through your head sometimes? If it's something you would love to be able to do then you should probably do it regardless of it being your best friend hearing it or someone else. I think the best therapy is a great listener who hears without judgment and offers almost no advice.

 

[El Floppo]

Lost a friend last night - hung himself - 44 years old.

Battled crack/heroin addiction. Was clean for a year - celebrated the accomplishment just last week.

His poor parents - day before Mother's Day.

Just numb and extremely angry.

ugh.... so sorry about your friend.

just found pics of two friends who died in the last 6 months-one from cancer (with a kid my son was friends with for their first couple of years- now 7) and the other from suicide. pretty sure I talked about the latter in here- pathological liar. one of the most charismatic, bright but flawed guys you'd ever meet. only flaw being the pathology which finally caught up to him (sounds like on the order of 7 digit taxes owed. ####### money. I never knew what to make of this guy in the 30 years I knew him, given the constant lying about even the most trivial things... but always figured he'd go out either in jail, living in a space station, married to a princess, or this.

I bumped into him a few weeks before he went- asked him how things were... and for the first time things were tough for him- but I was so used to not really paying attention to what he said about things outside of what I could see with him, that I just discounted it. not sure what I could have said to make him change his mind... but I wish I had let him know that he meant a lot to me, and that his loss would leave a big hole. don't know if that's the kind of thing that would help though.

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

Rooster, curious for a post-weekend follow-up on your sister.