Glad you're still with us, man.Interesting weekend.... got "section 12" 'd this weekend... meaning involuntarily committed. But I'm out now.JC--update, pls
I don’t like the phrase “a cry for help”. I just don’t like how it sounds. When someone says to me, “I’m thinking about suicide, I have a plan: I just need a reason not to do it,” the last thing I see is helplessness.
I think: Your depression has been beating you up for years. It has called you ugly, and stupid, and pathetic, and a failure, for so long that you’ve forgotten that it’s wrong. You don’t see any good in yourself, and you don’t have any hope.
But still, here you are: You’ve come over to me, banged on my door, and said “Hey! Staying alive isREALLY HARD right now! Just give me something to fight with! I don’t care it it’s a stick! Give me a stick and I can stay alive!”
How is that helpless? I think that’s incredible. You’re like a marine: trapped for years behind enemy lines, your gun has been taken away, you’re out of ammo, you’re malnourished, and you’ve probably caught some kind of jungle virus that’s making you hallucinate giant spiders. And you’re still just going, “GIVE ME A STICK. I’M NOT DYING OUT HERE.”
“A cry for help” makes it sound like i’m supposed to take pity on you, but you don’t need my pity. This isn’t pathetic. This is the will to survive. This is how humans lived long enough to become the dominant species.
With NO hope, running on NOTHING, you’re ready to cut through a hundred miles of hostile jungle with nothing but a stick, if that’s what it takes to get to safety.
All I’m doing is handing out sticks.
You’re the one staying alive
Never saw that before, Henry. I like it.
It's sometimes tough to find our own sticks. But come on in here when things are hard. Sometimes those of us who are having trouble ourselves can still find a stick for someone else.Never saw that before, Henry. I like it.
STOW – At 3:06 p.m. on Wednesday, Aug. 5, a caller reported a man standing in front of a window in his house totally naked. She had seen him doing it before. Police spoke with the man, who didn’t think anyone could see him.
The only Stow I go to is the Stowe in Vermont during ski season. hth.btw- I was checking local news website for any updates. including the police blog, where I found this.
STOW – At 3:06 p.m. on Wednesday, Aug. 5, a caller reported a man standing in front of a window in his house totally naked. She had seen him doing it before. Police spoke with the man, who didn’t think anyone could see him.
The only Stow I go to is the Stowe in Vermont during ski season. hth.btw- I was checking local news website for any updates. including the police blog, where I found this.
STOW – At 3:06 p.m. on Wednesday, Aug. 5, a caller reported a man standing in front of a window in his house totally naked. She had seen him doing it before. Police spoke with the man, who didn’t think anyone could see him.
Lol.btw- I was checking local news website for any updates. including the police blog, where I found this.
STOW At 3:06 p.m. on Wednesday, Aug. 5, a caller reported a man standing in front of a window in his house totally naked. She had seen him doing it before. Police spoke with the man, who didnt think anyone could see him.
sorry to hear, Henry... about the client and the dip back down into the depression.I looked around today and realized I'm back in a deep depression. I don't know how long it's been going on - but long enough that I can't remember what it's like to feel normal. It's simultaneously the best and worst feeling to look around and realize why these thoughts are constant again. Wonderful because at least I remembered that these are signs of a problem before I put a gun in my mouth again. Terrible because every time I get out I'm convinced I can somehow keep from getting back here again - that place where every song brings tears to my eyes, and I remember every terrible thing I've ever done, and the idea of drawing another breath just seems... Exhausting.
A client of mine died yesterday. I can't help thinking if I could have made things better faster she wouldn't have killed herself. And her two kids wouldn't be in foster care. And I need a #######ed drink.
I hope you're all doing better than this. There's no need to worry, I'll be around in the morning. Just being a bit of a drama queen. Online and anonymous is kind of the only place I can do that.
I'd like to stop being responsible for awhile.
One of the biggest bummers about depression is, if one thinks things through rationally, one knows the situation, whatever it is, will change at some point in the near future... may change for better or for worse, but life does not stand still. That thought keeps me from really getting down and enjoying a good bout of depression... knowledge that my heart will not stop beating and I will probably adapt just fine to whatever lies around the corner kind of ruins it.I looked around today and realized I'm back in a deep depression. I don't know how long it's been going on - but long enough that I can't remember what it's like to feel normal. It's simultaneously the best and worst feeling to look around and realize why these thoughts are constant again. Wonderful because at least I remembered that these are signs of a problem before I put a gun in my mouth again. Terrible because every time I get out I'm convinced I can somehow keep from getting back here again - that place where every song brings tears to my eyes, and I remember every terrible thing I've ever done, and the idea of drawing another breath just seems... Exhausting.
A client of mine died yesterday. I can't help thinking if I could have made things better faster she wouldn't have killed herself. And her two kids wouldn't be in foster care. And I need a #######ed drink.
I hope you're all doing better than this. There's no need to worry, I'll be around in the morning. Just being a bit of a drama queen. Online and anonymous is kind of the only place I can do that.
I'd like to stop being responsible for awhile.
Yeah... what happens with alcohol is you feel better right now for a little while. That is very tempting and, if the alternative is a bullet to the head, it is not a bad alternative. But if you're already fighting depression what happens is that alcohol depressant effect carries on for long after the euphoric effect has worn off. it really is a depressant that will kick a depressed person's butt in the long run. But yeah, in the short run... it can be just the thing. Sometimes.Good luck to you, too.
I'm going to go drink a very large bottle of sake.
Yeah, I know. I just want to listen to Willie Nelson and be a little more numb than I am right now.Yeah... what happens with alcohol is you feel better right now for a little while. That is very tempting and, if the alternative is a bullet to the head, it is not a bad alternative. But if you're already fighting depression what happens is that alcohol depressant effect carries on for long after the euphoric effect has worn off. it really is a depressant that will kick a depressed person's butt in the long run. But yeah, in the short run... it can be just the thing. Sometimes.Good luck to you, too.
I'm going to go drink a very large bottle of sake.
It's Katrina for me today. Ten years. I just can't wrap my head around it. Don't want to.Been having some suicidal thoughts myself the last few weeks. Maybe were all depressed cuz summer is ending or something. Ive been on a rut myself going thru some mid life crisis stuff (if 37 counts as mid life). Beem spending money like crazy trying to buy my happiness almost saying life is too short.
Well be ok guys. I think
Hey Henry, it seems like you have great self-awareness. I wish I would have had that a few years ago. It truly is an amazing thing that you recognize that you may be in some trouble. I dont think most people have that ability. Keep on keeping on and know that you can come here and vent. Best wishes to you.I looked around today and realized I'm back in a deep depression. I don't know how long it's been going on - but long enough that I can't remember what it's like to feel normal. It's simultaneously the best and worst feeling to look around and realize why these thoughts are constant again. Wonderful because at least I remembered that these are signs of a problem before I put a gun in my mouth again. Terrible because every time I get out I'm convinced I can somehow keep from getting back here again - that place where every song brings tears to my eyes, and I remember every terrible thing I've ever done, and the idea of drawing another breath just seems... Exhausting.
A client of mine died yesterday. I can't help thinking if I could have made things better faster she wouldn't have killed herself. And her two kids wouldn't be in foster care. And I need a #######ed drink.
I hope you're all doing better than this. There's no need to worry, I'll be around in the morning. Just being a bit of a drama queen. Online and anonymous is kind of the only place I can do that.
I'd like to stop being responsible for awhile.
Nope, definitely not on big brother.If you're Johnny Mac from Big Brother, I want to adopt you.
Ah, well. Still, that guy makes me smile.Nope, definitely not on big brother.If you're Johnny Mac from Big Brother, I want to adopt you.
Yeah that's what I mean. You said it way better and with alot fewer words. I tried to explain this to my sister and she was like...huh?? i told her that the depression is who I am, to change that changes me, which I guess would be a good thing but it does not feel "right".You're making sense. For me, it's just that the vast majority of my life has been spent depressed. It feels "right" more than happy. And yeah it's messed up.
I had these kind of talks with my dad many times- he really couldn't understand/empathize... no matter how hard he tried (and he really tried- bless him). one of the last talks we had was one of the first times that I think he fully understood that he really didn't understand. even that was something.Yeah that's what I mean. You said it way better and with alot fewer words. I tried to explain this to my sister and she was like...huh?? i told her that the depression is who I am, to change that changes me, which I guess would be a good thing but it does not feel "right".You're making sense. For me, it's just that the vast majority of my life has been spent depressed. It feels "right" more than happy. And yeah it's messed up.
I can relate, and I almost feel bad for not being there now, so I am familiar with the presence, and absence, that darkness presents. I'I looked around today and realized I'm back in a deep depression. I don't know how long it's been going on - but long enough that I can't remember what it's like to feel normal. It's simultaneously the best and worst feeling to look around and realize why these thoughts are constant again. Wonderful because at least I remembered that these are signs of a problem before I put a gun in my mouth again. Terrible because every time I get out I'm convinced I can somehow keep from getting back here again - that place where every song brings tears to my eyes, and I remember every terrible thing I've ever done, and the idea of drawing another breath just seems... Exhausting.
A client of mine died yesterday. I can't help thinking if I could have made things better faster she wouldn't have killed herself. And her two kids wouldn't be in foster care. And I need a #######ed drink.
I hope you're all doing better than this. There's no need to worry, I'll be around in the morning. Just being a bit of a drama queen. Online and anonymous is kind of the only place I can do that.
I'd like to stop being responsible for awhile.
JC, that was an odd post of you to choose to bump... I'm worried about Badmojo. Has anyone heard from him? Does anyone know him IRL? He does the Tshirt exchange and is usually pretty active with it, but he's completely disappeared this year. Last online July 15th.Good to hear from you... Im not a pill popper... and im not one to make idle threats. I have my letter written... just need to make sure my last wishes are understood.Not sure if anybody noticed I was gone since the beginning of December.
It was because of this very topic. My 2nd attempt in 4 years. I was isolating myself, was overwhelmed with stress at work and never dealt with my sister's death a couple of months ago. Took a lot of Tylenol. Not a way to die. Very ugly and painful.
Ended up in the Hospital for 7 days, then in the pysch ward for another 7 days. Where, after many long talks, a great doctor diagnosed me with Bi-Polar and got me on Lithium, which has been great. Really has stabilized me.
And the last couple of weeks, I have been in a partial hospitalization group therapy (6 Hours a day Monday-Saturday). It has been pretty helpful. I am now moving to a less intensive therapy (3 hours for Mon-Thurs) starting tomorrow
I can never undo the pain I have caused my family and friends. My kids are talking to me at least, but I know they are still pissed at me. I have a lot of work to repair that relationship.
And I have a lot of sh** I need to do to fix my own life. Lot of the stuff I need to do is pretty effen scary, but I feel hope. It can work.
I have been trying to avoid my various sites because I need to work on my real life relationships and not be so much online. But for some reason I logged on here and saw the thread. So I told my story. I will disappear again for a while, but will be back for the 2014 Summer T-Shirt exchange if not sooner.
I will check PM's every other day in case somebody wants to talk about depression, Mental Illness or Suicide. I have been there and it is not worth it
And Curlynight, thanks for the link, I will check it out
Take care all
That's a great way of saying it. I've been dealing with depression for more than 20 years. Honestly, I just feel like it's a part of me now. Certainly I can have moments of joy, but in the end my default setting is hopelessness and just going through the motions. At least the new fantasy football season is about to start. Draft Day on Tuesday, baby!Yeah that's what I mean. You said it way better and with alot fewer words. I tried to explain this to my sister and she was like...huh?? i told her that the depression is who I am, to change that changes me, which I guess would be a good thing but it does not feel "right".You're making sense. For me, it's just that the vast majority of my life has been spent depressed. It feels "right" more than happy. And yeah it's messed up.
This really is a helluva thread.Thoughts are with all of you guys dealing with this...
Mine's on Wednesday so I got that goin' for me, which is nice.That's a great way of saying it. I've been dealing with depression for more than 20 years. Honestly, I just feel like it's a part of me now. Certainly I can have moments of joy, but in the end my default setting is hopelessness and just going through the motions.At least the new fantasy football season is about to start. Draft Day on Tuesday, baby!Yeah that's what I mean. You said it way better and with alot fewer words. I tried to explain this to my sister and she was like...huh?? i told her that the depression is who I am, to change that changes me, which I guess would be a good thing but it does not feel "right".You're making sense. For me, it's just that the vast majority of my life has been spent depressed. It feels "right" more than happy. And yeah it's messed up.
It's the all time "best thread" here. I mean, this thread is real. Lots of fun stuff, schtick, and downright dog fighting in other threads. But this thread is the real deal. This thread helps me tremendously and I can't quantify it. I can ignore it for long periods of time but it is THE thread I come back to for.....help.This really is a helluva thread.Thoughts are with all of you guys dealing with this...
Hopefully you aren't being offensive because I totally get what you are saying. I consider myself lucky because I am happy most of the time. When I'm not and I feel down I've wondered before if I was depressed and maybe on some very small level I was but I can say it's nothing like what folks describe in here.This may sound trite and almost certainly sounds stupid, but reading this thread every once in a while helps me out. There are times I feel very stressed and very sad and I think I'm depressed. Then I read this and see what some of you are dealing with and how true depression is a serous mental issue and it's not just being stressed and sad, it's a very serious thing and I have no idea what it is like and I feel better. I hope this makes sense. I'm pretty drunk and if it turns out I'm being offensive or a moron I will delete tomorrow. I do think this thread is great for those who need it, and sometimes I do.
So your therapist is suggesting I have some kind of... Down syndrome?ChopMeat said:Someone, not sure who, (maybe my therapist) told me that people find comfort in what they know. And for down people, turning life around and being happy is not familiar, not comfortable. That it's easier and more comforting to be down. The key is, she said, to recognize when things are good, and to accept the happiness it brings. And long term, to retrain yourself to accept happiness, and create a new norm.
I think about that often when I'm down - am I down because it's what I know, or because it's warranted. Usually it's because I've gone with what I know...and chose unhappiness.
Just a thought. No judgement at all - we all have our demons.