Suicide (3 Viewers)

[MikeIke]

We can be very good at covering up our feelings and putting on a really good front. Very few people, if any at all, get to know the real us. Just ask my shrink.

What's your reason for not being honest with your doctor?

Sounds more to me like he is, and not with the people in his life. His shrink is the only one who knows the truth. I've been there, Johnny. You're not alone.

 

[MikeIke]

DD, I'm sorry for your loss and I'm glad you didn't succumb to the same demons your friend did. You add a lot to the FFA community.

 

[johnnycakes]

We can be very good at covering up our feelings and putting on a really good front. Very few people, if any at all, get to know the real us. Just ask my shrink.

What's your reason for not being honest with your doctor?

It can take a long, long time to establish a trusting relationship. Then once the trust is established, I don't want to freak the guy out with too much honesty. Still, I try to open up to him as much as I can, which is quite a bit. With me, these rounds of depression can sneak up on me fairly quickly, though, and my m.o. is not to call for help but to wait for my next scheduled appointment to talk about it.

 

[cstu]

We can be very good at covering up our feelings and putting on a really good front. Very few people, if any at all, get to know the real us. Just ask my shrink.

What's your reason for not being honest with your doctor?

It can take a long, long time to establish a trusting relationship. Then once the trust is established, I don't want to freak the guy out with too much honesty. Still, I try to open up to him as much as I can, which is quite a bit. With me, these rounds of depression can sneak up on me fairly quickly, though, and my m.o. is not to call for help but to wait for my next scheduled appointment to talk about it.

If I had a real shrink who really was trying to help I wouldn't mind all telling them everything. However, the two times I saw a shrink however it was "How you doing, what drugs you want?". Probably spend 20 minutes with her total and didn't see her again because it was obvious she was just a drug pusher.

 

[MikeIke]

We can be very good at covering up our feelings and putting on a really good front. Very few people, if any at all, get to know the real us. Just ask my shrink.

What's your reason for not being honest with your doctor?

It can take a long, long time to establish a trusting relationship. Then once the trust is established, I don't want to freak the guy out with too much honesty. Still, I try to open up to him as much as I can, which is quite a bit. With me, these rounds of depression can sneak up on me fairly quickly, though, and my m.o. is not to call for help but to wait for my next scheduled appointment to talk about it.

If I had a real shrink who really was trying to help I wouldn't mind all telling them everything. However, the two times I saw a shrink however it was "How you doing, what drugs you want?". Probably spend 20 minutes with her total and didn't see her again because it was obvious she was just a drug pusher.

Sounds like a psychiatrist. That's all they are nowadays, drug pushers. Psychologists and counselors are much better for talk therapy.

 

[johnnycakes]

We can be very good at covering up our feelings and putting on a really good front. Very few people, if any at all, get to know the real us. Just ask my shrink.

What's your reason for not being honest with your doctor?

It can take a long, long time to establish a trusting relationship. Then once the trust is established, I don't want to freak the guy out with too much honesty. Still, I try to open up to him as much as I can, which is quite a bit. With me, these rounds of depression can sneak up on me fairly quickly, though, and my m.o. is not to call for help but to wait for my next scheduled appointment to talk about it.

If I had a real shrink who really was trying to help I wouldn't mind all telling them everything. However, the two times I saw a shrink however it was "How you doing, what drugs you want?". Probably spend 20 minutes with her total and didn't see her again because it was obvious she was just a drug pusher.

I have a psychotherapist I have seen since.... oh, probably 2007 or so, but I have another psychiatrist for the meds. After my suicide attempt last Christmas, that psychiatrist is relatively new to me right now. I do remember a few months ago my therapist asking me, "do I have to worry about you going out and doing something when you leave...." And I remember thinking, "the answer to that question is 'yes', but I really don't need an(other) involuntary trip to the hospital right now", so I answered in the negative.

 

[cstu]

We can be very good at covering up our feelings and putting on a really good front. Very few people, if any at all, get to know the real us. Just ask my shrink.

What's your reason for not being honest with your doctor?

It can take a long, long time to establish a trusting relationship. Then once the trust is established, I don't want to freak the guy out with too much honesty. Still, I try to open up to him as much as I can, which is quite a bit. With me, these rounds of depression can sneak up on me fairly quickly, though, and my m.o. is not to call for help but to wait for my next scheduled appointment to talk about it.

If I had a real shrink who really was trying to help I wouldn't mind all telling them everything. However, the two times I saw a shrink however it was "How you doing, what drugs you want?". Probably spend 20 minutes with her total and didn't see her again because it was obvious she was just a drug pusher.

I have a psychotherapist I have seen since.... oh, probably 2007 or so, but I have another psychiatrist for the meds. After my suicide attempt last Christmas, that psychiatrist is relatively new to me right now. I do remember a few months ago my therapist asking me, "do I have to worry about you going out and doing something when you leave...." And I remember thinking, "the answer to that question is 'yes', but I really don't need an(other) involuntary trip to the hospital right now", so I answered in the negative.

So I guess if I really want to talk to somebody I need to see a psychologist since psychiatrists only prescribe drugs?

 

[johnnycakes]

We can be very good at covering up our feelings and putting on a really good front. Very few people, if any at all, get to know the real us. Just ask my shrink.

What's your reason for not being honest with your doctor?

It can take a long, long time to establish a trusting relationship. Then once the trust is established, I don't want to freak the guy out with too much honesty. Still, I try to open up to him as much as I can, which is quite a bit. With me, these rounds of depression can sneak up on me fairly quickly, though, and my m.o. is not to call for help but to wait for my next scheduled appointment to talk about it.

If I had a real shrink who really was trying to help I wouldn't mind all telling them everything. However, the two times I saw a shrink however it was "How you doing, what drugs you want?". Probably spend 20 minutes with her total and didn't see her again because it was obvious she was just a drug pusher.

I have a psychotherapist I have seen since.... oh, probably 2007 or so, but I have another psychiatrist for the meds. After my suicide attempt last Christmas, that psychiatrist is relatively new to me right now. I do remember a few months ago my therapist asking me, "do I have to worry about you going out and doing something when you leave...." And I remember thinking, "the answer to that question is 'yes', but I really don't need an(other) involuntary trip to the hospital right now", so I answered in the negative.

So I guess if I really want to talk to somebody I need to see a psychologist since psychiatrists only prescribe drugs?

Some psychiatrists do both, but as a general rule, you will have a psychotherapist for talk therapy and a psychiatrist for meds. I still have to talk to the psychiatrist, but that discussion tends to be a lot more clinical in nature and less personal than the discussions I have with my therapist.

 

[CurlyNight]

Started doing CBT, going to therapy and taking anti-depressant meds.

Feels good to be happy for once.

Awesome! So happy for you! CBT is really a key with major depression/anxiety. It's not just about meds and therapy, but you have to change the way you view tough situations. What you tell yourself is very powerful, more powerful than what others tell you.. Best wishes!! X

 

[CurlyNight]

We can be very good at covering up our feelings and putting on a really good front. Very few people, if any at all, get to know the real us. Just ask my shrink.

What's your reason for not being honest with your doctor?

It can take a long, long time to establish a trusting relationship. Then once the trust is established, I don't want to freak the guy out with too much honesty. Still, I try to open up to him as much as I can, which is quite a bit. With me, these rounds of depression can sneak up on me fairly quickly, though, and my m.o. is not to call for help but to wait for my next scheduled appointment to talk about it.

If I had a real shrink who really was trying to help I wouldn't mind all telling them everything. However, the two times I saw a shrink however it was "How you doing, what drugs you want?". Probably spend 20 minutes with her total and didn't see her again because it was obvious she was just a drug pusher.

Sounds like a psychiatrist. That's all they are nowadays, drug pushers. Psychologists and counselors are much better for talk therapy.

Back in the day you could find psychiatrists who were also therapists. My bff is a psychiatrist and he says nowadays the good ones don't have time, like himself who is also the director of UCLA pysch dept at the hospital there. In general, the good ones tend to stick to being psychiatrists with the meds and refer you to therapists who have the time to really work with you.

I've also mentioned before in here that support groups like NAMI is very effective if not more effective than just dealing with professionals who I'm willing to bet have never experienced it themselves. I say this because I"m getting far more from online groups/irl groups for my breast cancer info/support than from my medical providers including counselors. They don't have the time nor have they been through it themselves to be able to be like someone who is or has been in your shoes.

 

[CurlyNight]

We can be very good at covering up our feelings and putting on a really good front. Very few people, if any at all, get to know the real us. Just ask my shrink.

What's your reason for not being honest with your doctor?

It can take a long, long time to establish a trusting relationship. Then once the trust is established, I don't want to freak the guy out with too much honesty. Still, I try to open up to him as much as I can, which is quite a bit. With me, these rounds of depression can sneak up on me fairly quickly, though, and my m.o. is not to call for help but to wait for my next scheduled appointment to talk about it.

If I had a real shrink who really was trying to help I wouldn't mind all telling them everything. However, the two times I saw a shrink however it was "How you doing, what drugs you want?". Probably spend 20 minutes with her total and didn't see her again because it was obvious she was just a drug pusher.

I have a psychotherapist I have seen since.... oh, probably 2007 or so, but I have another psychiatrist for the meds. After my suicide attempt last Christmas, that psychiatrist is relatively new to me right now. I do remember a few months ago my therapist asking me, "do I have to worry about you going out and doing something when you leave...." And I remember thinking, "the answer to that question is 'yes', but I really don't need an(other) involuntary trip to the hospital right now", so I answered in the negative.

Yep. Once you figure it out that if you answer yes to are you thinking suicide again you'll be 5150'd you learn to say no if you're not up to it, even if you feel like it would benefit you. My cousin who stayed with me before I got breast cancer figured it out and I would always tell the doc I'll keep a closer eye on her because I live with her and know she's a threat to herself from time to time..

 

[CurlyNight]

We can be very good at covering up our feelings and putting on a really good front. Very few people, if any at all, get to know the real us. Just ask my shrink.

What's your reason for not being honest with your doctor?

It can take a long, long time to establish a trusting relationship. Then once the trust is established, I don't want to freak the guy out with too much honesty. Still, I try to open up to him as much as I can, which is quite a bit. With me, these rounds of depression can sneak up on me fairly quickly, though, and my m.o. is not to call for help but to wait for my next scheduled appointment to talk about it.

If I had a real shrink who really was trying to help I wouldn't mind all telling them everything. However, the two times I saw a shrink however it was "How you doing, what drugs you want?". Probably spend 20 minutes with her total and didn't see her again because it was obvious she was just a drug pusher.

I have a psychotherapist I have seen since.... oh, probably 2007 or so, but I have another psychiatrist for the meds. After my suicide attempt last Christmas, that psychiatrist is relatively new to me right now. I do remember a few months ago my therapist asking me, "do I have to worry about you going out and doing something when you leave...." And I remember thinking, "the answer to that question is 'yes', but I really don't need an(other) involuntary trip to the hospital right now", so I answered in the negative.

So I guess if I really want to talk to somebody I need to see a psychologist since psychiatrists only prescribe drugs?

First I would find out what type of therapy would benefit you the most from your psychiatrist so you know where to start in finding a good fit therapist for you. You shouldn't just read the descriptions of the different methods/types of therapists there are and choose yourself. There are different methods/techniques. I toot the cbt (coginitive behavioural therapy) myself because the key really is you need to change how you process your situation in the end. You can talk all you want and maybe find out why this is like this but if you don't change your mind, and not just with meds, you'll remain the same. For example, you may need to start with psychotherapy to sort though the past, but eventually you will have to get to the how to change how you perceive things now, and cbt is it. You can even get books on it from amazon, which I would do at the very least. Good luck! X

 

[Da Guru]

I lost a good family friend to suicide a month ago. The guys wife had been killed in a car accident 6-7 years ago. We saw him maybe 5-6 times a year and he always seemed to be OK but his daughter had told me he was really struggling. The guy loved my daughters..came to both of their HS and college graduations. Was a retired top notch mechanic..a salt of the earth type of guy who did side jobs of his garage the last couple of years. Last time I saw him was in August, my daughter was having a problem with he car and he said bring it over. The day we picked it up we sat in his driveway just the 3 of us shooting the chit and he was smiling and laughing. When we left he hugged my daughter as usual and said "See you soon"

One week later he killed himself in his garage. At the funeral his daughter told me that she had caught him researching suicide a year ago and he had printed off options. The last day he sat in his garage drinking all day by himself, got in and started the car with the garage closed and passed out. They found him in the morning. I am still numb when I think about it. When you were around him you never saw any hint of the severe depression he was in.

As DD stated I am sad he is gone but also mad because he left 2 daughters in their 20s who adored him, and a 5 year old grandson. Needless to say the daughters are devastated. Although his pain is over the daughters will carry that pain for the rest of their lives.

 

[bosoxs45]

Started doing CBT, going to therapy and taking anti-depressant meds.

Feels good to be happy for once.

Glad to hear it. Sorry if I missed an earlier post of yours, what are you doing g CBT for? Are you bipolar? Borderline? My wife is both , and she started with CBT but ended it pretty quickly.I wish you the best of luck, and believe me when I say if you need to vent, use the FFA. There are a lot of people here who have been through it, myself included.

I have ADHD, anxiety, and also mild depression. Trying my hardest to finish grad school next year.

 

[Johnnymac]

Good friend killed himself this morning, really blindsided us all. He was a well respected member of the Air Force, has three adult children one graduating college in the spring, and just had bought a house a few months back. He was having marriage issues but he has had those for as long as I've known him. We were in Iraq together, we drank Scotch together, and had a lot of long talks about life and ####. I don't think he was depressed, I mean clinically anyway. He was one of the happier and most positive guys I've ever known, which makes this even harder to understand.

I'm not looking for sympathy or anything and that's not the purpose of this post, I'm just here to say that after what happened I'm now of a different mindset about suicide. I use to think only the most troubled or depressed can get caught up in it, but now I know that is not true. I'm pretty mad at him for leaving his 3 kids this way, but I also have no idea what was going on inside him today. He's like one of the last people I could have thought would do this, and now it's done. Just a lot of sadness and questions that will never be answered. Sucks. Must be really terrible being in the mindset of suicide, I feel bad for anyone having had to deal with this in their life.

Wow, sorry for your loss DD.

 

[Judge Smails]

I lost a good family friend to suicide a month ago. The guys wife had been killed in a car accident 6-7 years ago. We saw him maybe 5-6 times a year and he always seemed to be OK but his daughter had told me he was really struggling. The guy loved my daughters..came to both of their HS and college graduations. Was a retired top notch mechanic..a salt of the earth type of guy who did side jobs of his garage the last couple of years. Last time I saw him was in August, my daughter was having a problem with he car and he said bring it over. The day we picked it up we sat in his driveway just the 3 of us shooting the chit and he was smiling and laughing. When we left he hugged my daughter as usual and said "See you soon"

One week later he killed himself in his garage. At the funeral his daughter told me that she had caught him researching suicide a year ago and he had printed off options. The last day he sat in his garage drinking all day by himself, got in and started the car with the garage closed and passed out. They found him in the morning. I am still numb when I think about it. When you were around him you never saw any hint of the severe depression he was in.

As DD stated I am sad he is gone but also mad because he left 2 daughters in their 20s who adored him, and a 5 year old grandson. Needless to say the daughters are devastated. Although his pain is over the daughters will carry that pain for the rest of their lives.

So sorry to hear man. I mean people who commit suicide have to know the carnage that will be left behind, yet go through with it. It must be that bad in their mind to justify going through with it anyway. Feel for those in that dark of a place.

 

[CurlyNight]

I lost a good family friend to suicide a month ago. The guys wife had been killed in a car accident 6-7 years ago. We saw him maybe 5-6 times a year and he always seemed to be OK but his daughter had told me he was really struggling. The guy loved my daughters..came to both of their HS and college graduations. Was a retired top notch mechanic..a salt of the earth type of guy who did side jobs of his garage the last couple of years. Last time I saw him was in August, my daughter was having a problem with he car and he said bring it over. The day we picked it up we sat in his driveway just the 3 of us shooting the chit and he was smiling and laughing. When we left he hugged my daughter as usual and said "See you soon"

One week later he killed himself in his garage. At the funeral his daughter told me that she had caught him researching suicide a year ago and he had printed off options. The last day he sat in his garage drinking all day by himself, got in and started the car with the garage closed and passed out. They found him in the morning. I am still numb when I think about it. When you were around him you never saw any hint of the severe depression he was in.

As DD stated I am sad he is gone but also mad because he left 2 daughters in their 20s who adored him, and a 5 year old grandson. Needless to say the daughters are devastated. Although his pain is over the daughters will carry that pain for the rest of their lives.

So sorry to hear man. I mean people who commit suicide have to know the carnage that will be left behind, yet go through with it. It must be that bad in their mind to justify going through with it anyway. Feel for those in that dark of a place.

In my experience with suicidals, and I've never been suicidal, unless you point it out to them about the carnage that would be left behind, they feel so so alone and isolated that there would be no carnage in their minds. In fact they'll be better off without you. They can be surrounded by people who say they love and care for them, but they aren't feeling it, and so when you get that low, you aren't thinking about others, even loved ones. Even if you point it out to them, many will still beg to differ- well the ones I have seen who are basically holding the "gun to their head" when I see them. Very sad.

 

[Henry Ford]

I lost a good family friend to suicide a month ago. The guys wife had been killed in a car accident 6-7 years ago. We saw him maybe 5-6 times a year and he always seemed to be OK but his daughter had told me he was really struggling. The guy loved my daughters..came to both of their HS and college graduations. Was a retired top notch mechanic..a salt of the earth type of guy who did side jobs of his garage the last couple of years. Last time I saw him was in August, my daughter was having a problem with he car and he said bring it over. The day we picked it up we sat in his driveway just the 3 of us shooting the chit and he was smiling and laughing. When we left he hugged my daughter as usual and said "See you soon"

One week later he killed himself in his garage. At the funeral his daughter told me that she had caught him researching suicide a year ago and he had printed off options. The last day he sat in his garage drinking all day by himself, got in and started the car with the garage closed and passed out. They found him in the morning. I am still numb when I think about it. When you were around him you never saw any hint of the severe depression he was in.

As DD stated I am sad he is gone but also mad because he left 2 daughters in their 20s who adored him, and a 5 year old grandson. Needless to say the daughters are devastated. Although his pain is over the daughters will carry that pain for the rest of their lives.

So sorry to hear man. I mean people who commit suicide have to know the carnage that will be left behind, yet go through with it. It must be that bad in their mind to justify going through with it anyway. Feel for those in that dark of a place.

In my experience with suicidals, and I've never been suicidal, unless you point it out to them about the carnage that would be left behind, they feel so so alone and isolated that there would be no carnage in their minds. In fact they'll be better off without you. They can be surrounded by people who say they love and care for them, but they aren't feeling it, and so when you get that low, you aren't thinking about others, even loved ones. Even if you point it out to them, many will still beg to differ- well the ones I have seen who are basically holding the "gun to their head" when I see them. Very sad.

I think that's kind of a person to person thing.

 

[bosoxs45]

I made a phone call for counseling and therapy earlier this morning.

Just trying to care about the now, not that I use to be this or that.

 

[Henry Ford]

I made a phone call for counseling and therapy earlier this morning. Just trying to care about the now, not that I use to be this or that.

Good for you. Great step toward feeling better!

 

[cphk96]

I'm not in a good spot right now. :-(

There are things in my past that happened to me, which have caused me to partake in

certain addictions to cope with the pain associated with the past.

Anyway, girlfriend brought up some of the addictions I did, which affected her directly.

There is no way that I can reverse the past, but it keeps haunting me.

She will no longer trust me, and it is my fault.

My mind/emotions have been spiraling down.

I can not think straight, I have been crying all day at work.

Medicine and therapy will not take the pain away.

I have been fighting this depression and suicidal thoughts for over 4 years.

I do not feel like fighting for this life anymore.

I do not know what to do anymore.

 

[Joe Summer]

cphk96, don't give up.

Maybe you can't make the pain go away, but you CAN change the way you deal with it.

 

[El Floppo]

cphk96, don't give up. Maybe you can't make the pain go away, but you CAN change the way you deal with it.

and how you deal with it doesn't have to be giant, life-changing things... any step away from those things is a step in the right direction, no matter how small. tiny steps will help take you out of this... eg: phone call to set up appointment with therapy/addiction support-group/clergy/phone-in hotline/etc.

GL!

 

[bosoxs45]

cphk96, don't give up. Maybe you can't make the pain go away, but you CAN change the way you deal with it.

and how you deal with it doesn't have to be giant, life-changing things... any step away from those things is a step in the right direction, no matter how small. tiny steps will help take you out of this... eg: phone call to set up appointment with therapy/addiction support-group/clergy/phone-in hotline/etc.

GL!

This.

 

[Rohn Jambo]

I hear exercise and yoga is helpful for depression and anxiety.

 

[CurlyNight]

I'm not in a good spot right now. :-(

There are things in my past that happened to me, which have caused me to partake in

certain addictions to cope with the pain associated with the past.

Anyway, girlfriend brought up some of the addictions I did, which affected her directly.

There is no way that I can reverse the past, but it keeps haunting me.

She will no longer trust me, and it is my fault.

My mind/emotions have been spiraling down.

I can not think straight, I have been crying all day at work.

Medicine and therapy will not take the pain away.

I have been fighting this depression and suicidal thoughts for over 4 years.

I do not feel like fighting for this life anymore.

I do not know what to do anymore.

So very sorry to hear of your pain. I assume you tried meds and therapy? If so, maybe the med wasn't the right one for you? With meds it can be a lot of trial and error. Plus if you are just starting meds, it takes about 6 weeks before you can say if it does or doesn't work- so you need to give it time. As for therapy, it could be the therapist. Lost of folks have had to switch and almost gave up until they find someone that not only is effective, but someone that you trust and like. If you don't have the latter, it won't work well no matter how great the therapy is.

I hope you don't give up. There are plenty of members in this thread that have been where you are. johnnycakes has been very open about his attempt last Christmas time. Read his posts at least as he first comes to mind as to feeling like giving up, although there are others in here who were in your shoes as well and seemed to have turned that hopeless corner.

And- you are not alone. If you feel you are irl, remember everyone in this thread is your friend and do care.

Best wishes, and many prayers your way. X

 

[CurlyNight]

I hear exercise and yoga is helpful for depression and anxiety.

Meditation too. When my cousin was in the psych hospital for a week, not only did she do group therapy and 1:1 therapy along with meds, but there was an art, group exercise to get you interacting with people (making friends) and not holed up in yourself, yoga and meditation. Art was helpful for her and others because it was free flowing, as in you drew, painted whatever came to you. It's not a real art class where they are teaching you art. It's another form of getting out your thoughts just like talking and writing in your journal are. Writing for me does me well. The cancer journey thread I have going is just as much for me jotting down my thoughts as it is to perhaps help someone else.

When my cousin was released and living with me, I bought her some art supplies first to keep her busy as she still had a hard time leaving her room and for her to express herself. It also gave me clues on how she was doing which many times was "I'm fine" when really I begged to differ, partly because what I saw she drew.

Getting more involved in hobbies you like or used to like. Force yourself. You may not feel like you like anything but force yourself a few times and see. That along with the right meds, therapy and changing the way you view the world (think) called cognitive behavioural therapy really helps. I've seen people who I thought wow but now think wow in a positive way thankfully.

 

[KiddLattimer]

I hear exercise and yoga is helpful for depression and anxiety.

I had anxiety/depression issues that were getting worse and worse and could never figure out why... I really wanted to avoid meds since there are so many side effects (and I have a lot of issues with other meds). Turns out it was Gluten intolerance issues. Ever since I gave it up I feel genuinely happy and my anxiety dropped significantly.

I'm sure this isn't the solution for everyone but if you're searching for answers maybe add it to your list of things to investigate. As much as giving up bread is no fun, feeling like #### and being miserable to everyone who cares about me was much worse.

 

[Smack Tripper]

Good friend killed himself this morning, really blindsided us all. He was a well respected member of the Air Force, has three adult children one graduating college in the spring, and just had bought a house a few months back. He was having marriage issues but he has had those for as long as I've known him. We were in Iraq together, we drank Scotch together, and had a lot of long talks about life and ####. I don't think he was depressed, I mean clinically anyway. He was one of the happier and most positive guys I've ever known, which makes this even harder to understand.

I'm not looking for sympathy or anything and that's not the purpose of this post, I'm just here to say that after what happened I'm now of a different mindset about suicide. I use to think only the most troubled or depressed can get caught up in it, but now I know that is not true. I'm pretty mad at him for leaving his 3 kids this way, but I also have no idea what was going on inside him today. He's like one of the last people I could have thought would do this, and now it's done. Just a lot of sadness and questions that will never be answered. Sucks. Must be really terrible being in the mindset of suicide, I feel bad for anyone having had to deal with this in their life.

DD - I'm sorry for your loss. And he probably was one of the most troubled or depressed. As Johnny mentioned, most people don't know what we're really feeling inside, those of us who are/have been on the brink. We zip up our person suits in the morning to cover up what we feel like, go out and play human being for the day. We know no one wants to deal with what we are dealing with - most of us have heard it all our lives. So we don't make you. And it's exhausting. But I can tell you definitively, as someone who has been, at times, suicidally depressed and anxious, there wasn't a single person in my life who even knew.

Real truth and wisdom here, can't echo it enough. And I too am sorry for your loss doc.

 

[Smack Tripper]

I'm not in a good spot right now. :-(

There are things in my past that happened to me, which have caused me to partake in

certain addictions to cope with the pain associated with the past.

Anyway, girlfriend brought up some of the addictions I did, which affected her directly.

There is no way that I can reverse the past, but it keeps haunting me.

She will no longer trust me, and it is my fault.

My mind/emotions have been spiraling down.

I can not think straight, I have been crying all day at work.

Medicine and therapy will not take the pain away.

I have been fighting this depression and suicidal thoughts for over 4 years.

I do not feel like fighting for this life anymore.

I do not know what to do anymore.

You and your life are worth fighting for. But I feel for you and the darkness you speak of.

The mantra I come back to is, you don't need permanent solutions to temporary problems.

And yes, even four years in the grand scheme is temporary.

 

[CurlyNight]

I hear exercise and yoga is helpful for depression and anxiety.

I had anxiety/depression issues that were getting worse and worse and could never figure out why... I really wanted to avoid meds since there are so many side effects (and I have a lot of issues with other meds). Turns out it was Gluten intolerance issues. Ever since I gave it up I feel genuinely happy and my anxiety dropped significantly.

I'm sure this isn't the solution for everyone but if you're searching for answers maybe add it to your list of things to investigate. As much as giving up bread is no fun, feeling like #### and being miserable to everyone who cares about me was much worse.

Good point. and makes sense. Glad you're feeling better.

 

[Doctor Detroit]

I actually regret I posted in this thread. The poster Xulf threw my friend's suicide in my face in another thread.

Neat board.

 

[Slapdash]

I actually regret I posted in this thread. The poster Xulf threw my friend's suicide in my face in another thread.

Neat board.

Calm down, GB. Nobody contemplates it lightly or really understands what it is like. Don't let trolls get to you.

 

[fred_1_15301]

I actually regret I posted in this thread. The poster Xulf threw my friend's suicide in my face in another thread.

Neat board.

A lot of shtick on this board and a lot of people who are just plain nasty to others. If there was one thread that you would expect immune from all that garbage, this should be it. Best to just ignore idiots like that.

 

[CurlyNight]

Speaking of missing members of this thread (badmojo), I just noticed the OP johnjohn was banned awhile back. Anyone know why?

 

[TheIronSheik]

I actually regret I posted in this thread. The poster Xulf threw my friend's suicide in my face in another thread.

Neat board.

There's always one, GB. Sorry it happened but I like to think that a lot more good comes from this thread than bad. A lot more.

 

[xulf]

Hey everyone in this thread,

I want to let you know that I take everything posted in here seriously. I misinterpreted what DD posted and ####ed up. I apologized to him and deleted my post. I am ####ty for making him question even posting in here as I know this is a sacred place.

I have posted in here and read it regularly. It has actually helped me personally and I meant no disrespect. I apologize to everyone. I am not a troll...especially for this.

 

[krista4]

Hey everyone in this thread,

I want to let you know that I take everything posted in here seriously. I misinterpreted what DD posted and ####ed up. I apologized to him and deleted my post. I am ####ty for making him question even posting in here as I know this is a sacred place.

I have posted in here and read it regularly. It has actually helped me personally and I meant no disrespect. I apologize to everyone. I am not a troll...especially for this.

 

[Henry Ford]

Hey everyone in this thread,

I want to let you know that I take everything posted in here seriously. I misinterpreted what DD posted and ####ed up. I apologized to him and deleted my post. I am ####ty for making him question even posting in here as I know this is a sacred place.

I have posted in here and read it regularly. It has actually helped me personally and I meant no disrespect. I apologize to everyone. I am not a troll...especially for this.

It takes a big prairie dog to admit when he's wrong.

 

[fred_1_15301]

Hey everyone in this thread,

I want to let you know that I take everything posted in here seriously. I misinterpreted what DD posted and ####ed up. I apologized to him and deleted my post. I am ####ty for making him question even posting in here as I know this is a sacred place.

I have posted in here and read it regularly. It has actually helped me personally and I meant no disrespect. I apologize to everyone. I am not a troll...especially for this.

This is a very classy post

 

[Baloney Sandwich]

I work in a small office of less than 20 people, one of my coworker's husband died two days ago. I just found out this morning he shot and killed himself at a cemetery. Tragic, she is now a single mom with three teenage daughters. I'm also assuming any life insurance he may have had isn't valid. F'ng shame.

 

[shadyridr]

I work in a small office of less than 20 people, one of my coworker's husband died two days ago. I just found out this morning he shot and killed himself at a cemetery. Tragic, she is now a single mom with three teenage daughters. I'm also assuming any life insurance he may have had isn't valid. F'ng shame.

life insurance usually pays for suicide unless it happens in the first two years of coverage

 

[bosoxs45]

Does anyone practice mindfulness or meditation often? Just wondering if anyone had some links or whatnot.

 

[CurlyNight]

Does anyone practice mindfulness or meditation often? Just wondering if anyone had some links or whatnot.

Phil Jackson, former coach of the Chicago Bulls and LA Lakers, is big on this. I've read his book Sacred Hoops and it was a very good read on what he did to build the players up amongst egos and such pressures. Here's another book that he wrote in collaboration with George Mumford, a well known sports psychologist.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Mindful-Athlete-Secrets-Performance/dp/1941529062

While this is about competitive sports, the principles do apply to all our lives as well. If you like Phil Jackson, known as the zen master, you should check it out.

Here's some info from the players on Mumford's principlesl

https://sports.vice.com/en_us/article/the-zen-masters-zen-master-how-phil-jacksons-mindfulness-guru-is-helping-the-new-york-knicks

Basically it's about calming the mind. Finding a spot where you can just let your mind become clear, to think of nothing. Usually you have some very soft music going in a dim lit room (not dark as I've dozed off before..) with candles if you like. I have a table top waterfall that is soothing too.

 

[CurlyNight]

This is an interesting read. It's a known fact that colors effect your mood. You wear grays, black, brown and such colors and you don't feel as good as when you wear brighter colors. In the winter, most of us, me included, tend to wear darker colors which actually should be the opposite. We don't have as much natural light during these months so you need to not only up the lights you keep on but dress with more color.

When my cousin was in the psych ward, art was one of the classes you had to attend. It wasn't an art class as in teaching you anything. It was sit down and just draw, color, whatever comes to mind. Interesting results. For those of you doing therapy as well, you can take your work in and see if your therapist can see any meaning in it for you. It may help. Our subconscious plays a key role in our wellness as well so I encourage you to explore this aspect of your mind.

http://higherperspectives.com/coloring/?utm_source=cleo&ts_pid=2&utm_content=inf_10_34_2

 

[kface]

Does anyone practice mindfulness or meditation often? Just wondering if anyone had some links or whatnot.

Changed my life. Everyone needs to be doing this and we need to be teaching every kid to do it. The first book I read was Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat Zinn...easy read, easy to digest

here are some great links

http://www.mindfullivingprograms.com/whatMBSR.php

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mindfulness-in-frantic-world/201110/curing-depression-mindfulness-meditation

 

[johnnycakes]

Does anyone practice mindfulness or meditation often? Just wondering if anyone had some links or whatnot.

My wife and I go here Monday nights for meditation. It's pretty structured... 35 minutes sitting, 10 minutes walking, 35 minutes sitting, then some readings.... and good fellowship afterwards... people I can actually tolerate.

 

[bosoxs45]

Does anyone practice mindfulness or meditation often? Just wondering if anyone had some links or whatnot.

My wife and I go here Monday nights for meditation. It's pretty structured... 35 minutes sitting, 10 minutes walking, 35 minutes sitting, then some readings.... and good fellowship afterwards... people I can actually tolerate.

Awesome idea! I found a similar place, meet up group, that's closer to Cambridge.

 

[sports_fan]

I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed at my job. My industry underwent major reform which has drastically changed my job over the past month or so. I've come to realize I'm no longer a good fit. I work longer hours than most of my co-workers but I just can't seem to keep up or get things right. The effort is there. The results are not. I'm just feeling incompetent and worthless. My manager is understanding and trying to cut down on my workload but it's just not enough.

I've struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past. They're as bad as ever right now. I don't really have anything good going for me as far as my career, personal relationships or really anything. I guess I can't continue at this job but I don't know what else I would do. Not really sure what anyone can do in the way of help but I feel like I'm about out of options.

 

[SWC]

I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed at my job. My industry underwent major reform which has drastically changed my job over the past month or so. I've come to realize I'm no longer a good fit. I work longer hours than most of my co-workers but I just can't seem to keep up or get things right. The effort is there. The results are not. I'm just feeling incompetent and worthless. My manager is understanding and trying to cut down on my workload but it's just not enough.

I've struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past. They're as bad as ever right now. I don't really have anything good going for me as far as my career, personal relationships or really anything. I guess I can't continue at this job but I don't know what else I would do. Not really sure what anyone can do in the way of help but I feel like I'm about out of options.

sportsfan you are one of my favorites and honestly a guy around here who i look forward to reading stuff from you make me laugh with your kobme posts and others and i am not good at this and i do not know who to tell you to talk to but please talk to someone and let them help you get through it you are good guy