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This is funny. (1 Viewer)

Officer Pete Malloy said:
5 digit know nothing said:


When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

"I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you."

Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"

When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool.

Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."
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Terrible. Old and terrible.
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That's what she said
 
Today I learned that Jonathan Lee Riches got the Guinness world record for having filed the highest number of lawsuits in the world. When he heard of this, he sued the Guinness Book of World Records.

Now he has the Guinness World Record for most irony.

 
When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big boobs.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend with big boobs, but there was no substance or passion, so I decided I needed a more confident and passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated an intelligent and passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a real "partner in life," a girl with some focused ambition.

When I turned 34, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big boobs.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Apes with Guns said:
This made me lol mostly because of the guy in star trek and the dude throwing the dog in the water.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/lyapalater/background-actors-who-have-no-idea-what-they-are-doing
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Background people are a strange, strange lot. They're kind of cropped on all day but when they're bad, you see how important these $100/day weirdos are. It's always funny arching them try to do their actions with either the precision or skill or speed necessary to create the reality illusion, or like the broom guy, having to do their action without making noise. Watching them pantomime conversations all day is sad, hilarious and awe inspiring all at the same time.
 
12 of 12 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Mr. Trimmer avoids relevancy, December 27, 2013
By
a.dinoboy - See all my reviews

This review is from: How to Avoid Huge Ships (Paperback)
Mr. biggest complaint with Mr.Trimmer's work is his lack of relevancy. While his previous books, "How to Avoid a Stegosaurus", "How to Avoid Howard Hughes", and "How to Avoid Damn Big Powdered Wigs", were well-written, he has struggled with tackling subject matter relevant to today's generations. "How to Avoid Huge Ships" does address a subject that does affects some people currently, but I view it as a very timid, tentative step towards tackling more controversial and relevant subjects. Mr. Trimmer, where are "How to Avoid a Kardashian", "How to Avoid Twerking", and "How to Avoid Windows Vista"? The world needs those books now!
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