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This is funny. (2 Viewers)

Neil deGrasse TysonVerified account ‏@neiltyson 10 Jul 2012

Does it disturb anyone else that "The Los Angeles Angels" baseball team translates directly to "The The Angels Angels"?

 
An old man goes to confessional and says:

Father I vant to confess—today I had sex with 18-year-old twins. Oi vey.

Priest: Sir you are clearly Jewish so why are you telling me?

Old man: I'm telling everybody.

 
Billy Bats said:
Rand Paul told a joke:

Mr. President, you love to trade people, the Kentucky Republican and likely 2016 contender said to laughs, a reference to the deal made for the return of Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl.

Why dont we set up a trade? But this time, instead of five Taliban, how about five Democrats? Im thinking John Kerry, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, couldnt we send them to Mexico? (For a Marine being held in Mexico prison)

When questioned about it, his reply:

"I was only kidding.Well, not about Nancy Pelosi."
Click to expand...
Good stuff!! :lmao:

 
A Rabbi and a Priest buy a car together, and it's being stored at the Priest's house. One day, the Rabbi goes over to use the car and he sees the Priest sprinkling water on it. The Rabbi asks, ''What are you doing?'' The Priest responds, ''I'm blessing the car.'' So the Rabbi says ''Okay, since we're doing that....'' and takes out a hacksaw and cuts two inches off the tail pipe.

 
Four boys were fishing. As their boat rounded a point on the lake, they saw a man thrashing in the water.

With no hesitation, they jumped into the water and saved him.

It was not until they pulled him to shore that they noticed the man they had saved was President Obama, who had slipped away from the Secret Service for a swim.

When President Obama caught his breath, he thanked the four boys and offered them anything they wanted in return for saving his life.

The first boy thought about it for a while and finally answered.

"I would like a presidential appointment to West Point so I can serve my country."

The next two thought that was a great idea, but one said he had always wanted to be a pilot so he would rather attend the Air Force Academy.

The third boy chose the Naval Academy.

The president turned to the fourth boy, who was still thinking.

Finally he answered, "Mr. President, I would like a burial with honors at Arlington National Cemetery"

The president was shocked and asked the boy why he would make such a request at his young age.

The boy replied "Because when my father finds out I saved you, he is going to kill me!"
 
BustedKnuckles said:
Four boys were fishing. As their boat rounded a point on the lake, they saw a man thrashing in the water.

With no hesitation, they jumped into the water and saved him.

It was not until they pulled him to shore that they noticed the man they had saved was President Obama, who had slipped away from the Secret Service for a swim.

When President Obama caught his breath, he thanked the four boys and offered them anything they wanted in return for saving his life.

The first boy thought about it for a while and finally answered.

"I would like a presidential appointment to West Point so I can serve my country."

The next two thought that was a great idea, but one said he had always wanted to be a pilot so he would rather attend the Air Force Academy.

The third boy chose the Naval Academy.

The president turned to the fourth boy, who was still thinking.

Finally he answered, "Mr. President, I would like a burial with honors at Arlington National Cemetery"

The president was shocked and asked the boy why he would make such a request at his young age.

The boy replied "Because when my father finds out I saved you, he is going to kill me!"
Click to expand...
"Good one, Uncle Dwayne!"

--Me circa 1981

 
With the Holidays close upon us, I would like to share a personal experience

with my friends about drinking and driving. As you know, some of us have

been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on

the way home after a "social session" with family or friends.

Well, two days ago, this happened to me. I was out for an evening with

friends and had more than several whiskies followed by a couple of bottles

of rather nice red wine and vodka shots. Although relaxed, I still had the

common sense to know I was slightly over the limit. That's when I did

something I've never done before - I took a taxi home!

Sure enough on the way there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi

they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident. This was a

real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. I don't know

where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with

it.. So, anyway, if you want to borrow it give me a call.
Click to expand...
 
cbc28b15-c095-4040-b2ac-92a2a942c98b.jpg


 
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