What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

This is funny. (2 Viewers)

I played this for all 4 of my friends and they thought it was hilarous. One of my friends laughed to the point of running out of breath... and it has been mentioned several times since the viewing.
 
Human bones as sex toys?

A Swedish woman was charged Tuesday with "violating the peace of the dead" (or "brott mot griftesfriden," in case you're ever in Stockholm) after skeleton bones that police believe she used as sex toys were found in her apartment. The prosecution's evidence that the unnamed 37-year-old had used the bones in sexual situations include a CD labeled "My necrophilia" and "My first experience," pictures from a morgue, body bags and a drill. The woman has pleaded not guilty and claims her creepy collection was simply motivated by an interest in history. On the plus side, she was originally suspected of murder, so at least she's in the clear for that.
Click to expand...
LINKA lotta joke material here.

 
'Jutz said:
Human bones as sex toys?

A Swedish woman was charged Tuesday with "violating the peace of the dead" (or "brott mot griftesfriden," in case you're ever in Stockholm) after skeleton bones that police believe she used as sex toys were found in her apartment. The prosecution's evidence that the unnamed 37-year-old had used the bones in sexual situations include a CD labeled "My necrophilia" and "My first experience," pictures from a morgue, body bags and a drill. The woman has pleaded not guilty and claims her creepy collection was simply motivated by an interest in history. On the plus side, she was originally suspected of murder, so at least she's in the clear for that.
Click to expand...
LINKA lotta joke material here.
Click to expand...
 
'heckmanm said:
'Jutz said:
Human bones as sex toys?

A Swedish woman was charged Tuesday with "violating the peace of the dead" (or "brott mot griftesfriden," in case you're ever in Stockholm) after skeleton bones that police believe she used as sex toys were found in her apartment. The prosecution's evidence that the unnamed 37-year-old had used the bones in sexual situations include a CD labeled "My necrophilia" and "My first experience," pictures from a morgue, body bags and a drill. The woman has pleaded not guilty and claims her creepy collection was simply motivated by an interest in history. On the plus side, she was originally suspected of murder, so at least she's in the clear for that.
Click to expand...
LINKA lotta joke material here.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
:lmao:
 
Come On, Just Open The Door And Let Me In This Once



By A Raccoon

November 13, 2012http://www.theonion.com/features/commentary/

Hey, you! You in the window with the coffee and the flannel sweater! I see you in there, all cozy in your big warm house. It's been pretty cold out here lately, what with fall turning into winter and everything, so how's about maybe opening the front door a crack, just this once, and letting me in? C'mon, man. Help a raccoon out?

Consider it a one-time favor between friends. I'll never ask again, honest.

Okay, I don't see a door opening. What gives? Seriously, not even for a second? Come on, I won't make a big mess. Look at my face! It's like I've got a little bandit mask on. How adorable is that? And I'm sitting here on my hind legs asking politely. What kind of raccoon does that? One you'd want to let inside your house, that's who.

Honestly, what's the worst that could happen? I'll just come on in, run around a little bit, rustle through your garbage. No biggie. Maybe I'll check out your cabinets. You guys don't have any food in there, do you? Not that I'm obsessed with food or anything, so no worries either way.

See how my paws look like tiny little hands? I'm absolutely precious. Just let me in.

You may not know it from the look of me, but I'm actually a very clean raccoon. I'm definitely the kind you'd want in your home. Just ask my friends. Incidentally, they'll be stopping by later if that's cool. They can crash in the pantry or wherever. Seriously, they won't mind. We'll figure something out that works for everyone.

Just imagine waking up in the morning with a couple of sweet, fuzzy raccoons in your kitchen. One might bear the stench of a recent fight with a skunk, but no big deal. We stare at you, you stare at us. We make some of those cool chattering sounds. It'll be a beautiful moment, and you'll feel truly close to nature.

Listen, I know why you're still keeping the door closed, okay? I get it. It's light out, and you've been told that when you see a raccoon in the daytime, it usually has rabies. Let me assure you that's nothing more than a crude stereotype. Sure, I have a touch of rabies, but who doesn't? I'm not foaming at the mouth or anything weird like that. And admit it, if I bit you it might even be kinda cute—my teeny mouth teething playfully at your wrist.

Not that I'd ever bite you. Okay, maybe I'd bite you. Would it be a total deal-breaker if I bit you? You know what, forget I ever mentioned the whole rabies, biting thing.

Wait a second, are you eyeing that possum over there? Are you serious? I'm sitting here like a chump pouring my heart out, and you're thinking about opening the door for a ####### possum? If you give that guy the green light, I guarantee he flies in like a ####### savage and ####s all over your living room.

Not that I wouldn't, too, if given the chance, but that's obviously different. I'm furry and cuddly, but have you actually seen a possum up close? They're hideous, rat-faced things. The choice is yours, obviously, but I don't think you want to wake up tomorrow with a possum hissing in your face.

Let me make this simple: Open the door, I'll come in, I'll make a bunch of cute pitter-patter sounds, I'll root around for a while—and then I'm out. Let's just get this over with.

Nothing doing, huh?

Fine, #### it, we'll do it my way. I'm crawling down your chimney.

http://www.theonion.com/features/commentary/
Click to expand...
 
Kid comes home from school. "Mom! I had sex with my English teacher!"

"Johnny! You go tell your father what you just told me!"

Kid goes out to the garage and tells his dad.

"I'm proud of you son. You've become a man today. Whaddya say we go out for ice cream, and I'll buy you that new bike you've had your eye on?"

"Uh, maybe just the ice cream today."

"But Johnny, I thought you needed a new bike?"

"Yeah, but right now my ### is killing me."

 
Two girls, Janie and Jessie, were talking with each other about their boyfriends.

Janie: Do you have a nickname for your boyfriend?

Jessie: Yeah, I nicknamed him after a soda pop and I call him Mountain Dew.

Janie: Why do you call him that?

Jessie: Because he likes mountin’ and he knows what to do.

Janie: I have a similar nickname for my man.

Jessie: What is it?

Janie: I call him “Jack Daniels”.

Jessie: That’s not a soda pop, that’s a hard liquor.

Janie: Yes he is.

 
'Greg Russell said:
Two girls, Janie and Jessie, were talking with each other about their boyfriends.Janie: Do you have a nickname for your boyfriend?Jessie: Yeah, I nicknamed him after a soda pop and I call him Mountain Dew.Janie: Why do you call him that?Jessie: Because he likes mountin’ and he knows what to do. Janie: I have a similar nickname for my man.Jessie: What is it?Janie: I call him “Jack Daniels”.Jessie: That’s not a soda pop, that’s a hard liquor.Janie: Yes he is.
Click to expand...
Boo. See thread subtitle.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

C
  • Locked
Is this ff team name offensive?
2 3
Replies
104
Views
2K
belljr
belljr
Hastur
Omegle
Replies
0
Views
123
Hastur
Hastur
SWC
link me some great old threads brohans
Replies
22
Views
587
rustycolts
rustycolts

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 2 (members: 0, guests: 2)
Back
Top