What Kind Of Dating/Relationship Advice Would Your Present Self Give To The Younger "You"? (4/30) (1 Viewer)

[GordonGekko]

VIDEO: Junior Love Officers: Kids Give Dating Advice Dec 22, 2018

"And make sure she's not a witch....."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ayqkkh9Kn2E



VIDEO: When Parents Give Dating Advice

"So...you're a bus rider?"

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/HKfzIRYhUjQ



VIDEO: Leonardo DiCaprio (Does Not) Reveals Why He Won't Date Girls Over 25 Years Old Sep 3, 2022

Did Leo FINALLY reveal why he dumps all of his girlfriends as soon as they turn 25?! Leonardo Di Caprio just broke up with model Camila Morrone - two months after she celebrated her 25th birthday and he’s reportedly already moved on with a younger girl! Social media instantly got flooded with memes about Leo’s love life and at this point, the jokes write themselves because Camilla is just the latest in a VERY long list of Leo’s girlfriends who got dumped when they hit 25. Finally, after much speculation, someone from Leo’s inner circle decided to address these rumors and explained why Leo’s cut-off age is 25. However, fans are not happy with Leo’s explanation and they’re saying the real reason Leo never dates women over 25 is much more sinister than most people think. So what did Leo say about only dating girls under 25? What’s the real reason Leo grows older but his lovers stay the same age??

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csUbgGAFFyc



**********


Ian Donnelly: As I watch you steer us around these communication traps that I didn't even know existed, it's like, "what?" I guess that's why I'm single.
Louise Banks: Trust me, you can understand communication and still end up single.
- Denis Villeneuve's Arrival



Here is another topic that is designed to increase discussion and participation in the FFA.

In the spirit of Valentines Day, this thread will be about dating and relationships. If you had a time machine and could go back in time and talk to the 15 year old version of you or the 18 year old version of you, what advice would you give them about dating and relationships? What lessons do you understand today, some that were likely hard earned through pain and grief, that would be worth imparting? What lessons did you learn from observing other people's relationships and dating that you would also give to the younger version of you? What are your weak points or trigger points that you've come to understand about yourself with age, about relationships, that you'd forewarn about to avoid or to hold more due diligence against?

I'll leave this here for others to discuss. (4/30)

 

[bigbottom]

I’d keep my trap shut for fear of screwing things up.

 

[dkp993]

I’d tell myself to be sure to number everything I post online, or time stamp it of course. (1/1)

 

[fatness]

"Don't respond to schtick".
Oh, that's right, I never did.

 

[GordonGekko]

I’d tell myself to be sure to number everything I post online, or time stamp it of course. (1/1)

VIDEO: The Key to a Happy Marriage That Most People Forget About Jul 19, 2022

"And then the cascade that we talked about happens: you suffer stupidly and pointlessly, you get bitter, you get cruel, you make everything worse. It’s like, "that’s your answer, is it? You’re going to make everything worse? It’s bad enough. You’re going to make it worse?" Mostly, people won’t do that consciously. So you think, "well, what’s the alternative?" Well, here’s one: if you have a sufficiently noble purpose, the suffering will justify itself."


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wg8V4h25wNM



*********


Jordan Peterson covers some very critical issues in terms of long term commitment / relationship maintenance

1) You have to test your limits in conflict. Life comes at you fast. You have to understand conflict with each other in order to combine your resources to combat conflict from life in general.

2) Conflict removes boredom and boredom creates the idle hands that ends up as the seed where most relationships self destruct

3) You have to schedule time to spend together, no matter the circumstances. This is the precursor where you have the opportunity to evolve together. If you don't evolve together, you are doomed.

4) You have commit to the truth to each other

5) You have to define the terms of your limits / expectations ( i.e. your "rules of engagement" ) in the beginning.


Do I agree with Peterson? He covers some broad strokes here. The number #1 source of conflict in all committed modern relationships is money, on the average. In essence, I see Peterson's discussion avoiding the nuance that the primary breadwinner ( usually the male) needs to provide social conflict, but not material / resource conflict.

In order to have the resource base to avoid resource conflict, the primary bread winner needs to put in long hours. High stress. Competitive mind numbing grind to keep earning. So carving out that time he suggests is critical ( I don't disagree with him, but he takes that position as a former professor, not someone in the private sector grind ) is a rough ask.

Will someone take a hit in "lifestyle" to have that "time"? Many people virtue signal and say they do and will, but their actions are usually are different in application.

The other issue is that anyone who can manage to tightrope social conflict but remove resource conflict is shaving off a massive amount of years off their life span. You burn the candles on both end, you burn that candle out much faster. Are you a partner? Or are you just a resource?

The only answer for the primary bread winner is to eject. If the non primary bread winner cannot receive BOTH desires from one person, they will likely shift to taking one desire each from two separate people. If that's the case, then what is the point of commitment at all?

The "vows" you take need to mean something. They aren't just words. They are a "life pact". Even beyond the reality of a mere fiduciary "contract" between the couple and the state itself.

Are you going to contribute to this topic, or are you going to just sit there and mock me?

 

[Scoresman]

Dating and picking up women is an art that requires a combination of social skills, self-confidence, and emotional intelligence. The world of dating is dynamic and ever-changing, but there are some universal principles that can help men succeed in their romantic pursuits. In this essay, we will explore some of the best tips and advice on how to date and pick up women.

The first principle of dating and picking up women is to be confident. Confidence is an essential quality that women find attractive in a man. As pickup artist Mystery said, "Confidence is not just about being able to walk up to anyone and talk to them. It's about how you present yourself, how you carry yourself, and how you feel about yourself." One way to boost your confidence is to work on yourself, both physically and mentally. Hit the gym, read books, and work on your social skills. When you feel good about yourself, others will sense your positive energy and respond positively.

The second principle is to be authentic. One of the biggest mistakes men make when trying to pick up women is being inauthentic. As pickup artist Ross Jeffries said, "Be yourself, but be the best version of yourself. Don't try to be someone you're not, because eventually, it will come back to bite you." You don't need to be someone you're not to attract women. Instead, focus on developing your authentic self and letting your unique personality shine through.

The third principle is to make her laugh. Humor is a powerful tool that can help you break the ice and connect with a woman. As pickup artist David DeAngelo said, "Humor is the fastest way to break the ice with a woman and make her feel comfortable." However, it's important to keep your humor appropriate and not offensive. You don't want to turn her off by making inappropriate jokes or comments.

The fourth principle is to build rapport. Building rapport is an essential part of forming a connection with a woman. As pickup artist Neil Strauss said, "The key to building rapport is to listen and respond to what she's saying. Show her that you're interested in her as a person, not just as a potential date." Asking her questions and actively listening to her answers is a great way to show her that you value her as a person.

When it comes to dating for fantasy football enthusiasts, finding a woman can be challenging. However, there are ways to increase your chances of success. The first step is to join a fantasy football league. This will give you the opportunity to interact with other fans of the game and possibly meet a woman who shares your passion. Joining a league also shows that you are passionate about something and have a sense of community.

The second step is to attend events related to fantasy football. Many cities host fantasy football meetups, tailgate parties, and other events that provide an opportunity to meet like-minded people. Attend these events with an open mind, and be friendly and approachable.

The third step is to be patient. Finding a woman who is interested in fantasy football may take time. Don't give up if you don't meet someone right away. Keep attending events, interacting with other fans, and being true to yourself. In time, you'll meet someone who appreciates you for who you are.

In conclusion, dating and picking up women requires a combination of social skills, confidence, and authenticity. By being yourself, making her laugh, building rapport, and being confident, you can form connections with women that can lead to fulfilling relationships. And for fantasy football enthusiasts, joining a league, attending events, and being patient can help you meet a woman who shares your passion for the game. Remember, the key to success is to be true to yourself and let your unique personality shine through.

 

[[icon]]

Dating and picking up women is an art that requires a combination of social skills, self-confidence, and emotional intelligence. The world of dating is dynamic and ever-changing, but there are some universal principles that can help men succeed in their romantic pursuits. In this essay, we will explore some of the best tips and advice on how to date and pick up women.

The first principle of dating and picking up women is to be confident. Confidence is an essential quality that women find attractive in a man. As pickup artist Mystery said, "Confidence is not just about being able to walk up to anyone and talk to them. It's about how you present yourself, how you carry yourself, and how you feel about yourself." One way to boost your confidence is to work on yourself, both physically and mentally. Hit the gym, read books, and work on your social skills. When you feel good about yourself, others will sense your positive energy and respond positively.

The second principle is to be authentic. One of the biggest mistakes men make when trying to pick up women is being inauthentic. As pickup artist Ross Jeffries said, "Be yourself, but be the best version of yourself. Don't try to be someone you're not, because eventually, it will come back to bite you." You don't need to be someone you're not to attract women. Instead, focus on developing your authentic self and letting your unique personality shine through.

The third principle is to make her laugh. Humor is a powerful tool that can help you break the ice and connect with a woman. As pickup artist David DeAngelo said, "Humor is the fastest way to break the ice with a woman and make her feel comfortable." However, it's important to keep your humor appropriate and not offensive. You don't want to turn her off by making inappropriate jokes or comments.

The fourth principle is to build rapport. Building rapport is an essential part of forming a connection with a woman. As pickup artist Neil Strauss said, "The key to building rapport is to listen and respond to what she's saying. Show her that you're interested in her as a person, not just as a potential date." Asking her questions and actively listening to her answers is a great way to show her that you value her as a person.

When it comes to dating for fantasy football enthusiasts, finding a woman can be challenging. However, there are ways to increase your chances of success. The first step is to join a fantasy football league. This will give you the opportunity to interact with other fans of the game and possibly meet a woman who shares your passion. Joining a league also shows that you are passionate about something and have a sense of community.

The second step is to attend events related to fantasy football. Many cities host fantasy football meetups, tailgate parties, and other events that provide an opportunity to meet like-minded people. Attend these events with an open mind, and be friendly and approachable.

The third step is to be patient. Finding a woman who is interested in fantasy football may take time. Don't give up if you don't meet someone right away. Keep attending events, interacting with other fans, and being true to yourself. In time, you'll meet someone who appreciates you for who you are.

In conclusion, dating and picking up women requires a combination of social skills, confidence, and authenticity. By being yourself, making her laugh, building rapport, and being confident, you can form connections with women that can lead to fulfilling relationships. And for fantasy football enthusiasts, joining a league, attending events, and being patient can help you meet a woman who shares your passion for the game. Remember, the key to success is to be true to yourself and let your unique personality shine through.

Somebody found ChatGPT

 

[[icon]]

Get a job as a bartender in College. Have fun.

Use protection until you're ready for a kid.

Have fun with Crazy... but keep it at arms length.

Sex is big. Friendship is bigger. You want a best friend for when the initial passion boils off.

Seek someone independent who is goal-oriented and possesses strong character. Someone with their own life too is generally a happier human.

Financial intelligence is huge. A woman who isn't trying to keep up with the jones and isn't a slave to labels/fashion/trends is a diamond in the rough.

Avoid someone who is too driven by the superficial (takes hours to get ready, posts too many selfies or is too active on social media.

Bonus points for a good family (they'll be your family too).

 

[Dez89]

Learn Spanish, find a major/job that allows you to travel, forget American women, and don't look back.

 

[Harry Frogfish]

Last two posts contain solid advice.

The one before -- no offense intended, at all, honestly -- which talks about having some sort of fantasy football connection, I thought was a joke. That is not where to look. If anything, that's what not to do.

Unless you're a Fanduel exec who hires the one or two (tops) broadcasters that are hot (out of the 1,000 applicants) and gets to hit it on the side.

Sorry, but you are not finding hot chicks through Fantasy Football, unless they are peeling off stickers for you in Vegas. And you've got a couple G's for later.

Success rate at a library would be better than FF.

 

[UncleZen]

Learn to play the guitar earlier in life.

 

[fruity pebbles]

Be good looking, fit, tall and rich. You’ll have a line behind you.

 

[El Floppo]

what alan arkin said in little miss sunshine.

 

[Terminalxylem]

Last two posts contain solid advice.

The one before -- no offense intended, at all, honestly -- which talks about having some sort of fantasy football connection, I thought was a joke. That is not where to look. If anything, that's what not to do.

Unless you're a Fanduel exec who hires the one or two (tops) broadcasters that are hot (out of the 1,000 applicants) and gets to hit it on the side.

Sorry, but you are not finding hot chicks through Fantasy Football, unless they are peeling off stickers for you in Vegas. And you've got a couple G's for later.

Success rate at a library would be better than FF.

That post was generated with AI.

 

[Alex P Keaton]

Get a job as a bartender in College. Have fun.

Use protection until you're ready for a kid.

Have fun with Crazy... but keep it at arms length.

Sex is big. Friendship is bigger. You want a best friend for when the initial passion boils off.

Seek someone independent who is goal-oriented and possesses strong character. Someone with their own life too is generally a happier human.

Financial intelligence is huge. A woman who isn't trying to keep up with the jones and isn't a slave to labels/fashion/trends is a diamond in the rough.

Avoid someone who is too driven by the superficial (takes hours to get ready, posts too many selfies or is too active on social media.

Bonus points for a good family (they'll be your family too).

The first half of this is amazing. Spot on.

The second half matches up with how I chose my wife, which means everyone should discount it.

 

[Terminalxylem]

Get a job as a bartender in College. Have fun.

Use protection until you're ready for a kid.

Have fun with Crazy... but keep it at arms length.

Sex is big. Friendship is bigger. You want a best friend for when the initial passion boils off.

Seek someone independent who is goal-oriented and possesses strong character. Someone with their own life too is generally a happier human.

Financial intelligence is huge. A woman who isn't trying to keep up with the jones and isn't a slave to labels/fashion/trends is a diamond in the rough.

Avoid someone who is too driven by the superficial (takes hours to get ready, posts too many selfies or is too active on social media.

Bonus points for a good family (they'll be your family too).

The first half of this is amazing. Spot on.

The second half matches up with how I chose my wife, which means everyone should discount it.

Funny, I thought the first half was not so great, except the part about contraception.

But I also chose a wife in line with the second.

 

[[icon]]

Get a job as a bartender in College. Have fun.

Use protection until you're ready for a kid.

Have fun with Crazy... but keep it at arms length.

Sex is big. Friendship is bigger. You want a best friend for when the initial passion boils off.

Seek someone independent who is goal-oriented and possesses strong character. Someone with their own life too is generally a happier human.

Financial intelligence is huge. A woman who isn't trying to keep up with the jones and isn't a slave to labels/fashion/trends is a diamond in the rough.

Avoid someone who is too driven by the superficial (takes hours to get ready, posts too many selfies or is too active on social media.

Bonus points for a good family (they'll be your family too).

The first half of this is amazing. Spot on.

The second half matches up with how I chose my wife, which means everyone should discount it.

Funny, I thought the first half was not so great, except the part about contraception.

But I also chose a wife in line with the second.

Which did you take issue with in particular?

 

[Terminalxylem]

Get a job as a bartender in College. Have fun.

Use protection until you're ready for a kid.

Have fun with Crazy... but keep it at arms length.

Sex is big. Friendship is bigger. You want a best friend for when the initial passion boils off.

Seek someone independent who is goal-oriented and possesses strong character. Someone with their own life too is generally a happier human.

Financial intelligence is huge. A woman who isn't trying to keep up with the jones and isn't a slave to labels/fashion/trends is a diamond in the rough.

Avoid someone who is too driven by the superficial (takes hours to get ready, posts too many selfies or is too active on social media.

Bonus points for a good family (they'll be your family too).

The first half of this is amazing. Spot on.

The second half matches up with how I chose my wife, which means everyone should discount it.

Funny, I thought the first half was not so great, except the part about contraception.

But I also chose a wife in line with the second.

Which did you take issue with in particular?

Mainly the idea of idea of having fun with crazy - there‘s not an arm long enough for the potential drama. I say this as a guy whose past girlfriends include one who was institutionalized while dating, and currently incarcerated. And another, a lawyer, who threatened to sue me and all my friends (as well as the ex-wife) post-break-up, mailing us what we nostalgically refer to as “friendly subpoenas.”

Both were attractive, and fun in bed, but not appreciably better than “normal” women I dated, including my selfless, sane and drama-free wife. And when one considers all the wasted energy arguing, consoling etc., there are much better ways to spend your time, including dating people with whom you might actually have a future together.

Also, not too keen on working in a bar, in part because it increases your chance to meet troubled, desperate people.

 

[The Big Donkey]

Get a job as a bartender in College. Have fun.

Use protection until you're ready for a kid.

Have fun with Crazy... but keep it at arms length.

Sex is big. Friendship is bigger. You want a best friend for when the initial passion boils off.

Seek someone independent who is goal-oriented and possesses strong character. Someone with their own life too is generally a happier human.

Financial intelligence is huge. A woman who isn't trying to keep up with the jones and isn't a slave to labels/fashion/trends is a diamond in the rough.

Avoid someone who is too driven by the superficial (takes hours to get ready, posts too many selfies or is too active on social media.

Bonus points for a good family (they'll be your family too).

The first half of this is amazing. Spot on.

The second half matches up with how I chose my wife, which means everyone should discount it.

Funny, I thought the first half was not so great, except the part about contraception.

But I also chose a wife in line with the second.

c'mon, she chose you.

 

[Terminalxylem]

Get a job as a bartender in College. Have fun.

Use protection until you're ready for a kid.

Have fun with Crazy... but keep it at arms length.

Sex is big. Friendship is bigger. You want a best friend for when the initial passion boils off.

Seek someone independent who is goal-oriented and possesses strong character. Someone with their own life too is generally a happier human.

Financial intelligence is huge. A woman who isn't trying to keep up with the jones and isn't a slave to labels/fashion/trends is a diamond in the rough.

Avoid someone who is too driven by the superficial (takes hours to get ready, posts too many selfies or is too active on social media.

Bonus points for a good family (they'll be your family too).

The first half of this is amazing. Spot on.

The second half matches up with how I chose my wife, which means everyone should discount it.

Funny, I thought the first half was not so great, except the part about contraception.

But I also chose a wife in line with the second.

c'mon, she chose you.

Don’t understand the joke/reference, but I have been watching Netflix’s You. It’s gets ridiculous quickly, but nicely illustrates some (extreme) issues with dating crazy.

 

[[icon]]

Get a job as a bartender in College. Have fun.

Use protection until you're ready for a kid.

Have fun with Crazy... but keep it at arms length.

Sex is big. Friendship is bigger. You want a best friend for when the initial passion boils off.

Seek someone independent who is goal-oriented and possesses strong character. Someone with their own life too is generally a happier human.

Financial intelligence is huge. A woman who isn't trying to keep up with the jones and isn't a slave to labels/fashion/trends is a diamond in the rough.

Avoid someone who is too driven by the superficial (takes hours to get ready, posts too many selfies or is too active on social media.

Bonus points for a good family (they'll be your family too).

The first half of this is amazing. Spot on.

The second half matches up with how I chose my wife, which means everyone should discount it.

Funny, I thought the first half was not so great, except the part about contraception.

But I also chose a wife in line with the second.

Which did you take issue with in particular?

Mainly the idea of idea of having fun with crazy - there‘s not an arm long enough for the potential drama. I say this as a guy whose past girlfriends include one who was institutionalized while dating, and currently incarcerated. And another, a lawyer, who threatened to sue me and all my friends (as well as the ex-wife) post-break-up, mailing us what we nostalgically refer to as “friendly subpoenas.”

Both were attractive, and fun in bed, but not appreciably better than “normal” women I dated, including my selfless, sane and drama-free wife. And when one considers all the wasted energy arguing, consoling etc., there are much better ways to spend your time, including dating people with whom you might actually have a future together.

Also, not too keen on working in a bar, in part because it increases your chance to meet troubled, desperate people.

Oof. Your Teens and Early 20s are exactly the times you should be having those experiences. You can keep your sanitized college years.

Seriously though, bartending at a popular bar on a major campus has incalculable benefits... financial.... social.... life experience.... etc. Looking back I wouldn't think of doing it any other way...

But I also understand and respect that people look for different things out of their college years.

 

[Terminalxylem]

Get a job as a bartender in College. Have fun.

Use protection until you're ready for a kid.

Have fun with Crazy... but keep it at arms length.

Sex is big. Friendship is bigger. You want a best friend for when the initial passion boils off.

Seek someone independent who is goal-oriented and possesses strong character. Someone with their own life too is generally a happier human.

Financial intelligence is huge. A woman who isn't trying to keep up with the jones and isn't a slave to labels/fashion/trends is a diamond in the rough.

Avoid someone who is too driven by the superficial (takes hours to get ready, posts too many selfies or is too active on social media.

Bonus points for a good family (they'll be your family too).

The first half of this is amazing. Spot on.

The second half matches up with how I chose my wife, which means everyone should discount it.

Funny, I thought the first half was not so great, except the part about contraception.

But I also chose a wife in line with the second.

Which did you take issue with in particular?

Mainly the idea of idea of having fun with crazy - there‘s not an arm long enough for the potential drama. I say this as a guy whose past girlfriends include one who was institutionalized while dating, and currently incarcerated. And another, a lawyer, who threatened to sue me and all my friends (as well as the ex-wife) post-break-up, mailing us what we nostalgically refer to as “friendly subpoenas.”

Both were attractive, and fun in bed, but not appreciably better than “normal” women I dated, including my selfless, sane and drama-free wife. And when one considers all the wasted energy arguing, consoling etc., there are much better ways to spend your time, including dating people with whom you might actually have a future together.

Also, not too keen on working in a bar, in part because it increases your chance to meet troubled, desperate people.

Oof. Your Teens and Early 20s are exactly the times you should be having those experiences. You can keep your sanitized college years.

Seriously though, bartending at a popular bar on a major campus has incalculable benefits... financial.... social.... life experience.... etc. Looking back I wouldn't think of doing it any other way...

But I also understand and respect that people look for different things out of their college years.

Understand we have different priorities, but in no shape or form are interactions with crazy people necessary to enrich one’s life. Even if they do, the downside almost never is worth it imo.

Meh on bartending too. It’s fine financially, but I’d rather get outside the drunken college bubble for life experience. To be clear, I’m all for sowing one’s oats though.

 

[Alex P Keaton]

Get a job as a bartender in College. Have fun.

Use protection until you're ready for a kid.

Have fun with Crazy... but keep it at arms length.

Sex is big. Friendship is bigger. You want a best friend for when the initial passion boils off.

Seek someone independent who is goal-oriented and possesses strong character. Someone with their own life too is generally a happier human.

Financial intelligence is huge. A woman who isn't trying to keep up with the jones and isn't a slave to labels/fashion/trends is a diamond in the rough.

Avoid someone who is too driven by the superficial (takes hours to get ready, posts too many selfies or is too active on social media.

Bonus points for a good family (they'll be your family too).

The first half of this is amazing. Spot on.

The second half matches up with how I chose my wife, which means everyone should discount it.

Funny, I thought the first half was not so great, except the part about contraception.

But I also chose a wife in line with the second.

Which did you take issue with in particular?

Mainly the idea of idea of having fun with crazy - there‘s not an arm long enough for the potential drama. I say this as a guy whose past girlfriends include one who was institutionalized while dating, and currently incarcerated. And another, a lawyer, who threatened to sue me and all my friends (as well as the ex-wife) post-break-up, mailing us what we nostalgically refer to as “friendly subpoenas.”

Both were attractive, and fun in bed, but not appreciably better than “normal” women I dated, including my selfless, sane and drama-free wife. And when one considers all the wasted energy arguing, consoling etc., there are much better ways to spend your time, including dating people with whom you might actually have a future together.

Also, not too keen on working in a bar, in part because it increases your chance to meet troubled, desperate people.

Oof. Your Teens and Early 20s are exactly the times you should be having those experiences. You can keep your sanitized college years.

Seriously though, bartending at a popular bar on a major campus has incalculable benefits... financial.... social.... life experience.... etc. Looking back I wouldn't think of doing it any other way...

But I also understand and respect that people look for different things out of their college years.

Understand we have different priorities, but in no shape or form are interactions with crazy people necessary to enrich one’s life. Even if they do, the downside almost never is worth it imo.

Meh on bartending too. It’s fine financially, but I’d rather get outside the drunken college bubble for life experience. To be clear, I’m all for sowing one’s oats though.

I read it as code for “sow your wild (Royal) oats.”

 

[Terminalxylem]

Seriously though, bartending at a popular bar on a major campus has incalculable benefits... financial.... social.... life experience.... etc. Looking back I wouldn't think of doing it any other way...

I read it as code for “sow your wild (Royal) oats.”

Seems like he meant a job as a bartender, literally, as a vehicle to sow said oats.

That's fine, of course. But like dating crazy, completely unnecessary to accomplish the goal.

 

[Alex P Keaton]

Seriously though, bartending at a popular bar on a major campus has incalculable benefits... financial.... social.... life experience.... etc. Looking back I wouldn't think of doing it any other way...

I read it as code for “sow your wild (Royal) oats.”

Seems like he meant a job as a bartender, literally, as a vehicle to sow said oats.

That's fine, of course. But like dating crazy, completely unnecessary to accomplish the goal.

True. Could have been club promoter, fitness instructor, child psychologist….

 

[JAA]

Anything that walks

 

[Gally]

Meh on bartending too. It’s fine financially, but I’d rather get outside the drunken college bubble for life experience. To be clear, I’m all for sowing one’s oats though.

Any job in the service industry gives untold experience in dealing with all kinds of people. I believe that all high school kids should have to work a fast food job. It teaches you what kind of crappy people are out there and also gives you appreciation for the people working those jobs so you aren't a douchbag when you are on the other side. It's a very valuable life experience. I would expect bartending would be similar with the added benefit of seeing how stupid drunk people can/will be.

 

[[icon]]

Get a job as a bartender in College. Have fun.

Use protection until you're ready for a kid.

Have fun with Crazy... but keep it at arms length.

Sex is big. Friendship is bigger. You want a best friend for when the initial passion boils off.

Seek someone independent who is goal-oriented and possesses strong character. Someone with their own life too is generally a happier human.

Financial intelligence is huge. A woman who isn't trying to keep up with the jones and isn't a slave to labels/fashion/trends is a diamond in the rough.

Avoid someone who is too driven by the superficial (takes hours to get ready, posts too many selfies or is too active on social media.

Bonus points for a good family (they'll be your family too).

The first half of this is amazing. Spot on.

The second half matches up with how I chose my wife, which means everyone should discount it.

Funny, I thought the first half was not so great, except the part about contraception.

But I also chose a wife in line with the second.

Which did you take issue with in particular?

Mainly the idea of idea of having fun with crazy - there‘s not an arm long enough for the potential drama. I say this as a guy whose past girlfriends include one who was institutionalized while dating, and currently incarcerated. And another, a lawyer, who threatened to sue me and all my friends (as well as the ex-wife) post-break-up, mailing us what we nostalgically refer to as “friendly subpoenas.”

Both were attractive, and fun in bed, but not appreciably better than “normal” women I dated, including my selfless, sane and drama-free wife. And when one considers all the wasted energy arguing, consoling etc., there are much better ways to spend your time, including dating people with whom you might actually have a future together.

Also, not too keen on working in a bar, in part because it increases your chance to meet troubled, desperate people.

Oof. Your Teens and Early 20s are exactly the times you should be having those experiences. You can keep your sanitized college years.

Seriously though, bartending at a popular bar on a major campus has incalculable benefits... financial.... social.... life experience.... etc. Looking back I wouldn't think of doing it any other way...

But I also understand and respect that people look for different things out of their college years.

Understand we have different priorities, but in no shape or form are interactions with crazy people necessary to enrich one’s life. Even if they do, the downside almost never is worth it imo.

Meh on bartending too. It’s fine financially, but I’d rather get outside the drunken college bubble for life experience. To be clear, I’m all for sowing one’s oats though.

Out of curiosity what jobs did you work in college?

And could you elaborate on "getting outside the bubble for life experience"?

I tended/managed the bar at prob the top bar on the strip, and worked for the campus paper daily (layout manager). Also had unpaid internship at a local ad agency, taught some classes as undergrad Junior/Senior and had a weekly show on New Rock 90 (campus station).

I mean, I went to college in Knoxville so we were hiking / camping / mountain biking a ton. Traveled a ton. Went to a ton of concerts.

It's possible to be a bartender AND use that sizable income to fund things outside the "bubble".

 

[Gally]

I tended/managed the bar at prob the top bar on the strip, and worked for the campus paper daily (layout manager). Also had unpaid internship at a local ad agency, taught some classes as undergrad Junior/Senior and had a weekly show on New Rock 90 (campus station).

How many jobs do you have Mon?

In Living Color : Hey Mon #1

Best clips from Season 1 of In Living Color.

youtu.be

 

[[icon]]

I tended/managed the bar at prob the top bar on the strip, and worked for the campus paper daily (layout manager). Also had unpaid internship at a local ad agency, taught some classes as undergrad Junior/Senior and had a weekly show on New Rock 90 (campus station).

How many jobs do you have Mon?

In Living Color : Hey Mon #1

Best clips from Season 1 of In Living Color.

youtu.be

I stay busy. Always have.

Paper was 2-3 hours every weekday. (10-15hrs/wk)

Radio show was 3 hours one night a week.

Agency Internship was a couple hours ~2 days a week. (3-4hrs a week)

I ran the upstairs bar (live music / DJs) so Bartending was usually 7p-4a Wed/Fri/Sat (27-36hrs a week). We had dollar beer night on Monday with good crowds but I only worked that as coverage when needed.

So I was working about 50hrs a week then taking 12-14 credit hours each semester plus 6-9 hours over the summer. Wish I still had that kind of energy

The bartending gig basically led to an endless supply of female options. Had threesomes proposed several times.

Had one girl drag me back to her place within 15 mins of meeting her on an off day because I heard her taking to her friends about losing a jacket. I had seen it in the back office so I got it for her. Next thing I know she's whispering in my ear what she wants to do to me when my dart game is over.

Never had any downsides really. Security handed the fights. Money was great. Got paid handsomely to hang out with my fiends on weekends.

 

[Terminalxylem]

Get a job as a bartender in College. Have fun.

Use protection until you're ready for a kid.

Have fun with Crazy... but keep it at arms length.

Sex is big. Friendship is bigger. You want a best friend for when the initial passion boils off.

Seek someone independent who is goal-oriented and possesses strong character. Someone with their own life too is generally a happier human.

Financial intelligence is huge. A woman who isn't trying to keep up with the jones and isn't a slave to labels/fashion/trends is a diamond in the rough.

Avoid someone who is too driven by the superficial (takes hours to get ready, posts too many selfies or is too active on social media.

Bonus points for a good family (they'll be your family too).

The first half of this is amazing. Spot on.

The second half matches up with how I chose my wife, which means everyone should discount it.

Funny, I thought the first half was not so great, except the part about contraception.

But I also chose a wife in line with the second.

Which did you take issue with in particular?

Mainly the idea of idea of having fun with crazy - there‘s not an arm long enough for the potential drama. I say this as a guy whose past girlfriends include one who was institutionalized while dating, and currently incarcerated. And another, a lawyer, who threatened to sue me and all my friends (as well as the ex-wife) post-break-up, mailing us what we nostalgically refer to as “friendly subpoenas.”

Both were attractive, and fun in bed, but not appreciably better than “normal” women I dated, including my selfless, sane and drama-free wife. And when one considers all the wasted energy arguing, consoling etc., there are much better ways to spend your time, including dating people with whom you might actually have a future together.

Also, not too keen on working in a bar, in part because it increases your chance to meet troubled, desperate people.

Oof. Your Teens and Early 20s are exactly the times you should be having those experiences. You can keep your sanitized college years.

Seriously though, bartending at a popular bar on a major campus has incalculable benefits... financial.... social.... life experience.... etc. Looking back I wouldn't think of doing it any other way...

But I also understand and respect that people look for different things out of their college years.

Understand we have different priorities, but in no shape or form are interactions with crazy people necessary to enrich one’s life. Even if they do, the downside almost never is worth it imo.

Meh on bartending too. It’s fine financially, but I’d rather get outside the drunken college bubble for life experience. To be clear, I’m all for sowing one’s oats though.

Out of curiosity what jobs did you work in college?

And could you elaborate on "getting outside the bubble for life experience"?

I tended/managed the bar at prob the top bar on the strip, and worked for the campus paper daily (layout manager). Also had unpaid internship at a local ad agency, taught some classes as undergrad Junior/Senior and had a weekly show on New Rock 90 (campus station).

I mean, I went to college in Knoxville so we were hiking / camping / mountain biking a ton. Traveled a ton. Went to a ton of concerts.

It's possible to be a bartender AND use that sizable income to fund things outside the "bubble".

My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

Seriously though, in college I worked in a dry cleaner, as a waiter, in a hotel, setting up banquets/meetings, and a couple labs doing benchwork. I also volunteered in a hospital. None of those were great jobs (some terrible), but the thread is about helpful dating advice for one's younger self. Though I agree working as a bartender will increase dating/fling prospects, I'd rather meet women (with different priorities) elsewhere.

While I know it’s not a common belief, I think society romanticizes the idea of drunken revelry too much, particularly while in college. Rather than putting oneself in a breeding ground for dysfunctional alcohol use, I'd pick a job which lends itself to my future career (none of my jobs really qualified). And I wouldn't multitask looking for a romantic partner at work, particularly someone who may have substance abuse problems. RecallI I see little value in crazy - it took me a while to learn, but it’s best to avoid it in the first place.

Getting outside the bubble refers to doing things other than the cliche party lifestyle. For me, that's mostly outdoor activities, coupled with travel to cool (outdoor) places. Along the way you can't help but meet like-minded people, including members of the fairer sex. Those women tend to be lower maintenance, and a little more comfortable getting down and dirty than sorority Sally.

To be fair, even under the best circumstances bars aren't my thing. They're loud and a poor place to meet people IMO. A couple friends who worked in bars (one bartender) were alcoholics, and my ex wife also had a drinking problem. But I realize most people are able use alcohol purely as a social lubricant. Nonetheless, I think there are better ways to gain meaningful life experience, and pay the bills. YMMV.

 

[Terminalxylem]

Meh on bartending too. It’s fine financially, but I’d rather get outside the drunken college bubble for life experience. To be clear, I’m all for sowing one’s oats though.

Any job in the service industry gives untold experience in dealing with all kinds of people. I believe that all high school kids should have to work a fast food job. It teaches you what kind of crappy people are out there and also gives you appreciation for the people working those jobs so you aren't a douchbag when you are on the other side. It's a very valuable life experience. I would expect bartending would be similar with the added benefit of seeing how stupid drunk people can/will be.

Agree on service jobs. Living on the planet offers plenty of opportunity to witness drunken behavior, so no need to increase the exposure.