What to do when your teenager seems to start "drifting" (1 Viewer)

[Andy Dufresne]

Another thing that shocked me when reading her texts is how kids talk to each other these days - filthy.

That really surprised me.

Were you not a kid?

Dude. I was born old.

My sister always says as much.

I'm just saying when I was her age, and that was a long time ago, our prose could be very purple. But we didn't text it we said it to each other. So no evidence.

No. I've never talked anywhere remotely like that/this.

 

[Freelove]

Another thing that shocked me when reading her texts is how kids talk to each other these days - filthy.

That really surprised me.

Were you not a kid?

Dude. Fella, I was born old.

My sister always says as much.

probably shouldn't use Dude then.

Fixed.

I just read it like dude ranch, and it worked ok.

 

[Tom Skerritt]

Maybe Costa Rica will be awesome and you can parlay that into a Spanish/Biz dual with parent-funded Spring Breaks to Spanish-speaking tropical paradises for the next four years.

The two subjects she likes best in school are Spanish and Band (clarinet).

I'd be totally okay with her majoring in Spanish/minor in music in college. I don't think there's going to be any shortage of need for fluent Spanish speakers during her lifetime.

Do you know what she wants? Does she know what she wants?

She's 17. I doubt she even knows at this point. I knew I wanted to do something in either math or science, but that was about it. Beyond that, all I wanted to know was when am I going to get drunk or high?

 

[Andy Dufresne]

Maybe Costa Rica will be awesome and you can parlay that into a Spanish/Biz dual with parent-funded Spring Breaks to Spanish-speaking tropical paradises for the next four years.

The two subjects she likes best in school are Spanish and Band (clarinet).

I'd be totally okay with her majoring in Spanish/minor in music in college. I don't think there's going to be any shortage of need for fluent Spanish speakers during her lifetime.

Do you know what she wants?

She doesn't know what she wants.

No, I'm not picking her major for her. I know it sounds like that, but it's not that way.

Earlier in the thread I'd said that Spanish and Band were her favorite subjects. I think they're what she should study and would be a good choice in college.

 

[RUSF18]

So have you talked to her yet or figured out a plan?

 

[Andy Dufresne]

So have you talked to her yet or figured out a plan?

She's in Costa Rica from this last Tuesday until next Wednesday.

 

[RUSF18]

So have you talked to her yet or figured out a plan?

She's in Costa Rica from this last Tuesday until next Wednesday.

Yes you mentioned that earlier...sorry.

 

[Andy Dufresne]

I think I've got my wife convinced to just let the texts about the MJ slide.

She thinks that since both her best friends (I'm not sure they really are) have tried it that our girl will too. I'm not sure she will.

 

[eoMMan]

If she's fluent in Spanish, she'll have such a big edge over other people in almost any career field she chooses (especially in Texas, Florida, etc.) I would just tell her to start thinking about what she wants to be doing in 10 years, 20 years, etc. Tell her you'd be willing to help her learn more about different careers that interest her and try to set up meetings with local professionals to serve as mentors. She might be wise to start college with general business classes until she figures it all out.

Is she sexually active? Does she have a boyfriend? Will she be going to college far away?

 

[Andy Dufresne]

If she's fluent in Spanish, she'll have such a big edge over other people in almost any career field she chooses (especially in Texas, Florida, etc.) I would just tell her to start thinking about what she wants to be doing in 10 years, 20 years, etc. Tell her you'd be willing to help her learn more about different careers that interest her and try to set up meetings with local professionals to serve as mentors. She might be wise to start college with general business classes until she figures it all out.

Is she sexually active? Does she have a boyfriend? Will she be going to college far away?

We've tried to get her to even talk to just her band teacher (who she likes) about careers. Got the same "meh" response.

She seems to think she wants to go to a school about 3-ish hours away.

 

[Brony]

If she's fluent in Spanish, she'll have such a big edge over other people in almost any career field she chooses (especially in Texas, Florida, etc.) I would just tell her to start thinking about what she wants to be doing in 10 years, 20 years, etc. Tell her you'd be willing to help her learn more about different careers that interest her and try to set up meetings with local professionals to serve as mentors. She might be wise to start college with general business classes until she figures it all out.

Is she sexually active? Does she have a boyfriend? Will she be going to college far away?

Don't tell her that on average, Spanish as Second Language workers only earn 1.7% more than English only workers. (reference)

 

[Hawks64]

(If this is true) I would tell her that you're not monitoring her phone because you don't trust her, you're monitoring her simply because staying up until 3am texting can be really damaging to her when she's waking up at 7am to go to school, and you're looking out for her. Hell, being up that late is damaging to anyone who is doing anything before 12.

Then you can tie that into how it affects whatever her plans are for when she graduates. Have an honest discussion with her and tell her you're not judging the way she is leaning (and obviously try not to) but she's on the verge of being an adult so you're treating her like one and having an adult conversation.

Ignore the weed stuff. There's nothing you can do besides make that worse.

This is likely the way I would approach it as well. I grew up in a very strict house and it sucked, always worried about breaking some inane rule.

 

[cstu]

If she's fluent in Spanish, she'll have such a big edge over other people in almost any career field she chooses (especially in Texas, Florida, etc.) I would just tell her to start thinking about what she wants to be doing in 10 years, 20 years, etc. Tell her you'd be willing to help her learn more about different careers that interest her and try to set up meetings with local professionals to serve as mentors. She might be wise to start college with general business classes until she figures it all out.

Is she sexually active? Does she have a boyfriend? Will she be going to college far away?

Don't tell her that on average, Spanish as Second Language workers only earn 1.7% more than English only workers. (reference)

Much easier to find a job though.

 

[cstu]

She might only be 17 and she's still your baby and all that crap but talk to her like an adult. Weed is probably gonna be smoked. Tell her you wished she wouldn't and you won't accept it but you understand it could happen eventually. Tell her about the first time you smoked, the last time you smoked, why you don't smoke. She's more likely to open up to you about it. More importantly, IMO, pound into her head the dangers of every other drug, especially prescription drugs. Prescription drugs are extremely dangerous and so few people understand that, especially high schoolers.

I've been very honest to my nephew about drugs and told the dangers of them as well as why people do them - they are so great they will destroy your life.

Hopefully he makes the right decisions but at least he understands the real reason to stay away from then and not just "Drugs are bad, mmkay?".

Not too concerned about weed but it does affect some people the same way as harder drugs and it's not good for your brain as an adolescent.

 

[Ilov80s]

Finishing school? WTF?

 

[Andy Dufresne]

Finishing school? WTF?

I'm betting it's not what you're projecting it to be.

 

[RUSF18]

Finishing school? WTF?

How else do you expect to get a diploma?

 

[Steve Tasker]

I want to know what the texts say....can we get an example of the language she's using that surprised/shocked you?

 

[NCCommish]

Another thing that shocked me when reading her texts is how kids talk to each other these days - filthy.

That really surprised me.

Were you not a kid?

Dude. I was born old.

My sister always says as much.

I'm just saying when I was her age, and that was a long time ago, our prose could be very purple. But we didn't text it we said it to each other. So no evidence.

No. I've never talked anywhere remotely like that/this.

While I don't know what exactly was said I feel pretty confident something similar was being said when I was a kid.

 

[Lutherman2112]

Is there someone outside of you and your wife that can talk to her casually? Sometimes there's so much baggage between parents and children that it kills the opportunity to have a civil and rational conversation. Is there an aunt/uncle? Teacher? Karate instructor? Sometimes when advice comes from outside and perhaps unexpected place, we take it more serious. When it's mom or dad, it's just them being annoying like usual.

To me, the best outside source for a discussion is the Karate instructor.

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

Costa Rica is probably a pretty cool place to be right now. Hope she's hanging out with locals in front of a TV somewhere.

 

[Andy Dufresne]

Costa Rica is probably a pretty cool place to be right now. Hope she's hanging out with locals in front of a TV somewhere.

Yeah, I was excited for her to go. They were going to play soccer with some local elementary school students. I hope our kids weren't beat too badly by them.

 

[Mr.Pack]

If she's fluent in Spanish, she'll have such a big edge over other people in almost any career field she chooses (especially in Texas, Florida, etc.) I would just tell her to start thinking about what she wants to be doing in 10 years, 20 years, etc. Tell her you'd be willing to help her learn more about different careers that interest her and try to set up meetings with local professionals to serve as mentors. She might be wise to start college with general business classes until she figures it all out.

Is she sexually active? Does she have a boyfriend? Will she be going to college far away?

We've tried to get her to even talk to just her band teacher (who she likes) about careers. Got the same "meh" response.

She seems to think she wants to go to a school about 3-ish hours away.

If she's like my daughter, she doesn't want HS to end. My daughter had a difficult time at the end of her Senior year as she just didn't want it to end and was a little scared of the unknown going away to college. Which is why it surprised me that she didn't go to a college closer to home, but I'm glad she chose one farther away, and loved every minute of it.

A friend of mines' daughter wouldn't even discuss college with them, and it turned out she was scared of moving away. She was Salutorian or whatever you call it, and eventually got over it last year and loves college.

Could be the fear of the unknown and losing the comfort of home.

 

[Mr.Pack]

Another thing that shocked me when reading her texts is how kids talk to each other these days - filthy.

That really surprised me.

Were you not a kid?

Dude. I was born old.

My sister always says as much.

I'm just saying when I was her age, and that was a long time ago, our prose could be very purple. But we didn't text it we said it to each other. So no evidence.

No. I've never talked anywhere remotely like that/this.

While I don't know what exactly was said I feel pretty confident something similar was being said when I was a kid.

I'm guessing he wouldn't have been that surprised if it had been his son, but girls talking that way? That shocked me too when I found out how my daughter and her friends talked to each other.

 

[eoMMan]

Isn't prostitution legal in Costa Rica?

 

[Ilov80s]

Finishing school? WTF?

I'm betting it's not what you're projecting it to be.

What is it?

 

[Andy Dufresne]

Finishing school? WTF?

I'm betting it's not what you're projecting it to be.

What is it?

From what I gather, these are nothing more than teaching some manners and decorum.

You know, don't fart at the table or pick your teeth with the salad fork type things.

 

[Steve Tasker]

I want to know what the texts say....can we get an example of the language she's using that surprised/shocked you?

Is that a no?

 

[Andy Dufresne]

I want to know what the texts say....can we get an example of the language she's using that surprised/shocked you?

Is that a no?

Pretty much.

 

[Tom Skerritt]

I want to know what the texts say....can we get an example of the language she's using that surprised/shocked you?

Is that a no?

Pretty much.

"Steve Tasker's is so huge, I could only take half of it."

 

[NCCommish]

Another thing that shocked me when reading her texts is how kids talk to each other these days - filthy.

That really surprised me.

Were you not a kid?

Dude. I was born old.

My sister always says as much.

I'm just saying when I was her age, and that was a long time ago, our prose could be very purple. But we didn't text it we said it to each other. So no evidence.

No. I've never talked anywhere remotely like that/this.

While I don't know what exactly was said I feel pretty confident something similar was being said when I was a kid.

I'm guessing he wouldn't have been that surprised if it had been his son, but girls talking that way? That shocked me too when I found out how my daughter and her friends talked to each other.

More men should attend at least one Tupperware party with their wives. Locker rooms aren't as raunchy. And they will tell each other things that most men would never tell a group of men about their wives. It's an eye opener and that's before the wine kicks in.

 

[NCCommish]

I'm thinking we could have done without post 180. Very poor taste.

 

[Andy Dufresne]

I'm thinking we could have done without post 180. Very poor taste.

The upside is it took until 180 to get there. Maybe there is hope for the FFA after all.

 

[Ilov80s]

Finishing school? WTF?

I'm betting it's not what you're projecting it to be.

What is it?

From what I gather, these are nothing more than teaching some manners and decorum.You know, don't fart at the table or pick your teeth with the salad fork type things.

Your daughter farts at the dinner table? Shouldn't you have talked to her about this by now? Maybe I'm wrong, but if someone tried send me to a finishing school, I would have laughed really hard. I really doubt this changes your daughter or wins any points with her.

 

[NCCommish]

I'm thinking we could have done without post 180. Very poor taste.

The upside is it took until 180 to get there. Maybe there is hope for the FFA after all.

True

 

[Andy Dufresne]

Your daughter farts at the dinner table? Shouldn't you have talked to her about this by now? Maybe I'm wrong, but if someone tried send me to a finishing school, I would have laughed really hard. I really doubt this changes your daughter or wins any points with her.

You didn't really take that answer literally, did you?

 

[johnnycakes]

Finishing school? WTF?

I'm betting it's not what you're projecting it to be.

What is it?

From what I gather, these are nothing more than teaching some manners and decorum.

You know, don't fart at the table or pick your teeth with the salad fork type things.

I'm thinking the school does a lot more than that. But in my daughter's case, she has been somewhat slow on picking up on the American way of doing things, so I hope this is a help in that regard.

ETA: Covered topics include:

• Social & business etiquette
• Civility
• Dining
• Art of communication
• Posture & presence
• Wardrobe building blocks
• Understanding your body type
• Social media manners
• Personal coaching
• Building a strong self-esteem
• Developing and maintaining a positive attitude
• Basics of a great complexion
• Makeup techniques and color
• Hair & nails
• Photo techniques
• Nutrition
• Art of entertaining

 

[Steve Tasker]

I want to know what the texts say....can we get an example of the language she's using that surprised/shocked you?

Is that a no?

Pretty much.

Got it.

 

[DrJ]

Seems pretty normal. Maybe another decade before you really have to worry much.

 

[Andy Dufresne]

Finishing school? WTF?

I'm betting it's not what you're projecting it to be.

What is it?

From what I gather, these are nothing more than teaching some manners and decorum.

You know, don't fart at the table or pick your teeth with the salad fork type things.

I'm thinking the school does a lot more than that. But in my daughter's case, she has been somewhat slow on picking up on the American way of doing things, so I hope this is a help in that regard.

ETA: Covered topics include:

• Social & business etiquette
• Civility
• Dining
• Art of communication
• Posture & presence
• Wardrobe building blocks
• Understanding your body type
• Social media manners
• Personal coaching
• Building a strong self-esteem
• Developing and maintaining a positive attitude
• Basics of a great complexion
• Makeup techniques and color
• Hair & nails
• Photo techniques
• Nutrition
• Art of entertaining

The horror! Stepford Wives-something something.

Anyway. That's what I was trying to get at.

 

[DrJ]

Also, in about a year she's probably going to be drunk half of the day if she follows your advice and heads off to college. I wouldn't worry too much about the weed. Maybe she'll decide she likes being high more and will only be drunk like 1/4 of the day instead. #win

 

[NCCommish]

Finishing school? WTF?

I'm betting it's not what you're projecting it to be.

What is it?

From what I gather, these are nothing more than teaching some manners and decorum.

You know, don't fart at the table or pick your teeth with the salad fork type things.

I'm thinking the school does a lot more than that. But in my daughter's case, she has been somewhat slow on picking up on the American way of doing things, so I hope this is a help in that regard.

ETA: Covered topics include:

• Social & business etiquette
• Civility
• Dining
• Art of communication
• Posture & presence
• Wardrobe building blocks
• Understanding your body type
• Social media manners
• Personal coaching
• Building a strong self-esteem
• Developing and maintaining a positive attitude
• Basics of a great complexion
• Makeup techniques and color
• Hair & nails
• Photo techniques
• Nutrition
• Art of entertaining

The horror! Stepford Wives-something something.

Anyway. That's what I was trying to get at.

The whole thing seems very throwback. It also seems like one persons tastes get reflected on to a lot of impressionable young women. It almost seems from comments that they come back very different personality wise in some cases. I find that worrisome as well. And I am going to go out on a limb and say you can't build self esteem in a week of learning which fork to use but you can learn to fake it. But hey it isn't my money or kid.

 

[DrJ]

Sounds to me like they're training her to be a high maintenance pain in the ###. Good luck to the dude(s) that get to deal with that headache. I'm going to send my daughters to a school where they train them to drink beer and like football.

 

[johnnycakes]

Finishing school? WTF?

I'm betting it's not what you're projecting it to be.

What is it?

From what I gather, these are nothing more than teaching some manners and decorum.

You know, don't fart at the table or pick your teeth with the salad fork type things.

I'm thinking the school does a lot more than that. But in my daughter's case, she has been somewhat slow on picking up on the American way of doing things, so I hope this is a help in that regard.

ETA: Covered topics include:

• Social & business etiquette
• Civility
• Dining
• Art of communication
• Posture & presence
• Wardrobe building blocks
• Understanding your body type
• Social media manners
• Personal coaching
• Building a strong self-esteem
• Developing and maintaining a positive attitude
• Basics of a great complexion
• Makeup techniques and color
• Hair & nails
• Photo techniques
• Nutrition
• Art of entertaining

The horror! Stepford Wives-something something.

Anyway. That's what I was trying to get at.

The whole thing seems very throwback. It also seems like one persons tastes get reflected on to a lot of impressionable young women. It almost seems from comments that they come back very different personality wise in some cases. I find that worrisome as well. And I am going to go out on a limb and say you can't build self esteem in a week of learning which fork to use but you can learn to fake it. But hey it isn't my money or kid.

All I can say is I got sent to two years of finishing school when I was in high school. I learned lots of things that helped me career-wise, and which I continue to use to this day. Then again, maybe I needed to be taught things that most people understand intuitively.

 

[Ilov80s]

Your daughter farts at the dinner table? Shouldn't you have talked to her about this by now? Maybe I'm wrong, but if someone tried send me to a finishing school, I would have laughed really hard. I really doubt this changes your daughter or wins any points with her.

You didn't really take that answer literally, did you?

Did you take my answer seriously? No, I don't think your 17 year old daughter farts during dinner. I still don't know what it is. Wikipedia says American finishing schools helped prepare woman for marriage. Were you just kidding about the whole finishing school thing? I'm confused.

 

[Andy Dufresne]

The whole thing seems very throwback. It also seems like one persons tastes get reflected on to a lot of impressionable young women. It almost seems from comments that they come back very different personality wise in some cases. I find that worrisome as well. And I am going to go out on a limb and say you can't build self esteem in a week of learning which fork to use but you can learn to fake it. But hey it isn't my money or kid.

Someone's going to make an impression on those young women though. Is it so bad that it's teaching things like the basics of manners and etiquette?

I don't think the organizers and those involve expect it to be a one stop shop for behavior.

 

[Andy Dufresne]

Your daughter farts at the dinner table? Shouldn't you have talked to her about this by now? Maybe I'm wrong, but if someone tried send me to a finishing school, I would have laughed really hard. I really doubt this changes your daughter or wins any points with her.

You didn't really take that answer literally, did you?

Did you take my answer seriously? No, I don't think your 17 year old daughter farts during dinner. I still don't know what it is. Wikipedia says American finishing schools helped prepare woman for marriage. Were you just kidding about the whole finishing school thing? I'm confused.

Instead of looking at Wikipedia, you could have looked at the Finishing School's site itself.

 

[NCCommish]

The whole thing seems very throwback. It also seems like one persons tastes get reflected on to a lot of impressionable young women. It almost seems from comments that they come back very different personality wise in some cases. I find that worrisome as well. And I am going to go out on a limb and say you can't build self esteem in a week of learning which fork to use but you can learn to fake it. But hey it isn't my money or kid.

Someone's going to make an impression on those young women though. Is it so bad that it's teaching things like the basics of manners and etiquette?

I don't think the organizers and those involve expect it to be a one stop shop for behavior.

I mean this in the nicest way but to me that's your job. And it's one that shouldn't be outsourced IMO. Some of those reviews sure sound like the girl was sent to modify her behavior.

I just naturally rebel against arbitrary authority so my opinion is probably slanted.

 

[Ilov80s]

Your daughter farts at the dinner table? Shouldn't you have talked to her about this by now? Maybe I'm wrong, but if someone tried send me to a finishing school, I would have laughed really hard. I really doubt this changes your daughter or wins any points with her.

You didn't really take that answer literally, did you?

Did you take my answer seriously? No, I don't think your 17 year old daughter farts during dinner. I still don't know what it is. Wikipedia says American finishing schools helped prepare woman for marriage. Were you just kidding about the whole finishing school thing? I'm confused.

Instead of looking at Wikipedia, you could have looked at the Finishing School's site itself.

I did, it seemed vague. They will teach skills for life. They will teach social skills. It's very non-specific. Even one of the reviews was like, "My daughter remembered exactly everything she learned which was ..." They literally cut out the actual things she learned. I'm just very skeptical of this stuff. It seems like the exact thing a typical teenager would despise.

 

[Andy Dufresne]

I mean this in the nicest way but to me that's your job. And it's one that shouldn't be outsourced IMO. Some of those reviews sure sound like the girl was sent to modify her behavior.

I just naturally rebel against arbitrary authority so my opinion is probably slanted.

A) Not everyone knows that stuff. B) Not every kid listens to their parents about it and...

C) I bet you loved your time in the service.