What's Normal? Baby Showers, when did this become a Co-Ed event? (1 Viewer)

[Harry Frogfish]

It's been this way for awhile now, afaik, and I still don't get it.

That, and one-year old birthdays being a big event. I've seen absurd amounts of time and money spent on kids who turn 1. For what? The thing has no idea.

 

[Ministry of Pain]

i feel like sometimes you make things so much more difficult than they need to be your son asked you to go and told you it was more important to him than money so you go and do it with bells on and then you wonder if you should use what is obviously an important date to your son as a chance to pick a fight with his mom i mean man come on one of my main rules in life is dont be a laroosh and that clearly violates the rule stuff like this you get one shot to do it right and if you dont you are the story and it is a bad one for the rest of your son and grandchilds life i mean do you want people in 10 years when your grandkid is with it saying yeah that the was shower where ministrone went all ministrone or do you want your kid and grandkid to have a memory about you where they bring it up as a good thing when they are laying you to rest thats how to view this and adjust your behavior accordingly take that to the bank bromigo

Hey Bro, where did I say i was picking a fight with his mom...NO NO NO you don't get that punch in and skate off the ice
5-Minute Major for lying and painting a false narrative, that is not what I said

-I've gotten this far by not bad mouthing his mother, hardly a word since we've gotten together, not so on her side which is why I'm invited to everything. (I vent in here though)
I would never belittle myself by getting into any exchange of words with her that would put me in a negative light, and especially at a big event

Besides and most of you will love this one...you know who is most wanting to see me at the baby shower?
His grandfather and I had a very special interaction at the wedding that would be hard to describe but he basically told me I did the right thing 7-8 years ago jumping in head first
We shared a gentleman's pour of some 110 proof and we greet each other like we know each other now and his wife is real sweet on me, hugs me in front of everyone
I'm blessed in that sense but I knew nobody had more influence on my son than his grandfather, I had to gain his trust to get my son's respect and it took a long time

Big fan of the SWC

 

[Ministry of Pain]

First of all, Congrats Old Man.
Second, I have only been to one coed baby shower. In the late 70s we went to one with some friends. We did not know the people, but my fondest memory was everyone toasting and then slamming their glass into the fireplace. I don't remember much else.
Third, I don't know much about strollers. In my neighborhood of mostly retired people, most of the strollers I see have little dogs in them.
Fourth, be glad it is only a stroller. We have a granddaughter that just turned 17 and needs a car. We already bought them for her two older siblings.
Fifth, Go Dam it and have a good time.

Here is what i'm doing and my son is going to be part of this as well
We are starting a trust fund of some kind for her to have when she turns 25
Might start with a single share of Apple or something along those lines and manage it for her and help build something she can use to get started in life
She will not be at the mercy of a guy waiting to come along and save her, she won't need a man for any of that

-I don't know how much I'm putting in there yet but if you add up the cash and gifts at all the holidays, BDays, special days,
I think we easily would invest between $10k-$15k over the next 18+ yrs and with compound interest that investment should easily be about double that by 25, maybe triple.
Something that will allow her to get started, maybe a business of her own and she'll hire me. Anything is possible

I am going.
I realize I made a mistake by trying to act like I live in Alaska and can't make the journey
I just didn't know this was that big of a deal

"Celebration of Pre-Life"
Believe me, I am going to work this into a post, I have a few ideas

Thanks for all your support Gator, I appreciate it

 

[Ministry of Pain]

-Despite my son and I not having a meaningful relationship until he looked me up when he was 17, there's more to it than that but I'm giving the cliff notes version

My son wants me there for support, my daughter in law has sisters, nephews, nieces, aunts, grannies,
My son has a few folks from his side and his local friends but he likes it when Dad is around

These are the only important parts of what you posted. Go to the shower.

Buy the cutest plush toy you can find. I'll vet it if you want. Melt DIL's heart.

Something like this would be ideal. Lots of other good choices here.

I like those plush toys you linked, never see anything like that in any stores I pass
Very cool and a good idea about my DIL

-Also found some things for Mrs MoP
She's not coming with me, she is premenopausal although i would seriously question whoever coined that term, doesn't capture the true essence of things
Sweet woman but I'm living with the reincarnation of the devil right now

The baby shower might be a cake walk in comparison to recent weeks around here
You' are always helpful, I thank you

 

[Ministry of Pain]

It's been this way for awhile now, afaik, and I still don't get it.

That, and one-year old birthdays being a big event. I've seen absurd amounts of time and money spent on kids who turn 1. For what? The thing has no idea.

Wait, there's gonna be endless amounts of these special occasions?
Gonna be cheaper if I just move up to St Pete

 

[Zow]

-I think that looks a lot better and also more useful for my son when he gets to see the baby at the end of a hard days work and just wants to take a quick stroll with her and not have to pull the baby seat out of the car to attach back to that other stroller.

The stroller with a carseat is a must have. So convenient to not have to take the baby out and put it into the stroller. Just press 1 button release the carseat from the car, unfold the stroller, click in.

My younger siblings and my wife's younger siblings both went with the same design.


Most parents probably want at least 2 strollers, and maybe 3. You want the carseat stroller for everyday, you want a jogging stroller for trips to zoo, and then an umbrella stroller for when you need to pack it.

OK, so I'm out in left field or wanting to 1-up by purchasing a different stroller that is designed more to be used outside on walks and jogs or going to the zoo
Thank You

The jogging stroller is an objectively good thing/idea. The way you seemed to champion it though was as a better gift than paternal grandmother. That was my criticism.

 

[Zow]

Baby showers hosted at <your favorite grill and bar> on a Saturday afternoon are great.

EDIT: They are great for eating, drinking, and a little socializing. If you have to play stupid games, sorry.

NO ALCOHOL!, it's being held at a private hall or event place, NO ALCOHOL permitted inside
My Daughter In law's Mother, another favorite of mine, she left the father of my Daughter In law on the wedding night because she caught him having a little booze
Here is another one that doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together AND...AND...AND here is the best part, she lived with my son and daughter in law for FREE all the way thru the wedding last year
She was finally moved out just before the holidays last year, hard to describe my feelings about all these folks

My son said there will be an after party I'm expected to attend and partly spearhead.
I was in charge of the after parties at the wedding, at the rehearsal dinner, looks like again on the baby shower
It's like the 12-3 party is some kind of charade for everyone and then the real party will be back at their crib later that night with a lot less folks
His mother and most of those types won't be anywhere near the after party

Sigh

Dude, you liked her enough to procreate with her. I have no doubt that she wronged you badly and I'm not trying to discredit that. But if you talk about her this way in front of your son you are doing him a gross disservice.

 

[Ministry of Pain]

Baby showers hosted at <your favorite grill and bar> on a Saturday afternoon are great.

EDIT: They are great for eating, drinking, and a little socializing. If you have to play stupid games, sorry.

NO ALCOHOL!, it's being held at a private hall or event place, NO ALCOHOL permitted inside
My Daughter In law's Mother, another favorite of mine, she left the father of my Daughter In law on the wedding night because she caught him having a little booze
Here is another one that doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together AND...AND...AND here is the best part, she lived with my son and daughter in law for FREE all the way thru the wedding last year
She was finally moved out just before the holidays last year, hard to describe my feelings about all these folks

My son said there will be an after party I'm expected to attend and partly spearhead.
I was in charge of the after parties at the wedding, at the rehearsal dinner, looks like again on the baby shower
It's like the 12-3 party is some kind of charade for everyone and then the real party will be back at their crib later that night with a lot less folks
His mother and most of those types won't be anywhere near the after party

Sigh

Dude, you liked her enough to procreate with her. I have no doubt that she wronged you badly and I'm not trying to discredit that. But if you talk about her this way in friend of your son you are doing him a gross disservice.

OK you asked for it (not really)
He was a one night stand, I wasn't told about him for a while

-When he was 12-13 yrs old we were hanging out on weekends and getting to know each other better, the mom pulled the plug. So I did what all dads would do that want to see their son, I hired a lawyer and took her to court. When I went to court, we discovered she fled the State of FL and kidnapped him to Texas, that's when she lost credibility in her own family because that also took my son away from his grandparents and all the folks that helped raise him. They hated her for doing this to my son.

-When I was at my son's HS graduation in Texas, he walks off stage and I simply ask him what do you want to do and how could I help?
He said, "Dad take me home" and I replied well of course I'll take you back to where you're staying, how about we go get some ice cream first and he repeated
No Dad, take me with you, take me home. That was the start of an incredible journey for both of us
We got in my car and started driving back to Florida and we decided it would be best if he returned to St Pete to his grandparents who mostly raised him prior to Texas
The look on his grandparents faces when I rolled up and delivered him to their front door...priceless

-I get a morning phone call most days from my son on his way in to work. It's about a 15-20 minute ride and we get to talk about everything
I am a very blessed man and a very lucky man, I know that Zow
I just wanted to see if anyone else has had this same pleasure and what it was like

 

[Ministry of Pain]

@Mrs. Rannous those baby mats that are on the same website

-I'm buying one of those

 

[HellToupee]

My son and daughter in law are expecting their 1st child and our 1st grand baby

Congrats .What are you going to be called , grandpa, gramps, pops , pappy etc?

Next month we’re heading up to Ma for our son’s fiancé’s bridal shower. I’m going to be the doggo’s babystter. Life moves pretty fast….

 

[Ministry of Pain]

My son and daughter in law are expecting their 1st child and our 1st grand baby

Congrats .What are you going to be called , grandpa, gramps, pops , pappy etc?

Next month we’re heading up to Ma for our son’s fiancé’s bridal shower. I’m going to be the doggo’s babystter. Life moves pretty fast….

This has come up a couple times in conversation and also others asking
I'm gonna post exactly what I said to my son/DIL, I didn't hesitate
"Whatever she wants to call me"

Think most can figure out what they are naming her but I will be calling her my Baby Bella
Until she's not a baby any more and then maybe shorten it up to just Bella

 

[Terminalxylem]

Your son wants you there. That is awesome. Go.

This is the correct answer to this thread. And don't worry about what his mom does because expressing concern will just make your son uncomfortable. Be glad the kid has two loving parents and keep whatever she did to you to yourself. Just ****ing sit through it with a smile regardless of how awful it is.

In general, though, coed baby showers are the worst. I attended one once. Never again (unless it's my kid's or something). So boring and stupid.

Good advice.

Be happy you don’t have to attend these for non-family members, and aren’t involved with cultures who also have ginormous 1st Birthday parties. I’ve suffered through many, mostly for coworkers who are little more than acquaintances.

The only thing I’ve avoided are reveal parties.

I’d be ecstatic never to attend another party, including weddings. But I wouldn’t think twice about going for a close family member.

 

[Terminalxylem]

ETA: There are of course dumb baby shower games that they make the guys do too (dumbest was drinking beer out of a baby bottle). That usually was scheduled in at some point to make us all look stupid.

This is why these are a thing now. Most women don't actually want to go these things, so they figure the men might as well be miserable too.

They HATE the idea of their men having a chill day on the golf course or in front of the TV while they're forced to play dumb baby shower games.

Always great when they give ya the "Oh its just gonna be a fun party" line....

That being said, OP has to go.

Thank you for reminding me why I love my wife. She asked me to go once (back when we were dating) and she realized how ****ing miserable it was for me. She's green lit the golf/softball/etc. instead since.

I read this too quickly at first and thought, “He really needs to thank his wife.” I thought you were saying that the excuse she gave the group got you out of it, but I see you know that it’s totally her. That’s who makes or breaks it.

You young guys reading (if there are any) take note because this is the stuff that matters in life. Try and suss this out before marriage. So crucial. Zow/Woz, you ought give your wife a hug when you get home tonight.

A friend of mine who is on talk radio did a segment a couple weeks ago in which he discussed how much time, money and effort parents put into their kids’ education to set them up for a successful career, when far and away the most important decision one can make in having a successful career (and a successful life) is their choice in a spouse.

Probably true, but how much can parents influence who their kid marries?

 

[-OZ-]

Co Ed showers can be fun.

I made an appearance at the one held for our 22yo. But then her dad and I went golfing after about half an hour.

 

[bigbottom]

ETA: There are of course dumb baby shower games that they make the guys do too (dumbest was drinking beer out of a baby bottle). That usually was scheduled in at some point to make us all look stupid.

This is why these are a thing now. Most women don't actually want to go these things, so they figure the men might as well be miserable too.

They HATE the idea of their men having a chill day on the golf course or in front of the TV while they're forced to play dumb baby shower games.

Always great when they give ya the "Oh its just gonna be a fun party" line....

That being said, OP has to go.

Thank you for reminding me why I love my wife. She asked me to go once (back when we were dating) and she realized how ****ing miserable it was for me. She's green lit the golf/softball/etc. instead since.

I read this too quickly at first and thought, “He really needs to thank his wife.” I thought you were saying that the excuse she gave the group got you out of it, but I see you know that it’s totally her. That’s who makes or breaks it.

You young guys reading (if there are any) take note because this is the stuff that matters in life. Try and suss this out before marriage. So crucial. Zow/Woz, you ought give your wife a hug when you get home tonight.

A friend of mine who is on talk radio did a segment a couple weeks ago in which he discussed how much time, money and effort parents put into their kids’ education to set them up for a successful career, when far and away the most important decision one can make in having a successful career (and a successful life) is their choice in a spouse.

Probably true, but how much can parents influence who their kid marries?

I think a lot. First and foremost, by modeling a respectful, supportive, loving marriage throughout the child’s life (assuming the parent is married). Also through any number of discussions and dialogue about how your child should treat others and how your child deserves to be treated during the course of his or her upbringing. And of course once your child is of dating age, you can have pointed conversations about what makes for a successful relationship, focusing on aspects of goodness over looks or popularity, as well of the inherent dangers of toxic partners.

So it’s not so much about influencing the particular person your child marries, but rather instilling values in your child that lead them to choose a partner who values and supports them, and one who they value and support in return.

 

[bigbottom]

Your son wants you there. That is awesome. Go.

This is the correct answer to this thread. And don't worry about what his mom does because expressing concern will just make your son uncomfortable. Be glad the kid has two loving parents and keep whatever she did to you to yourself. Just ****ing sit through it with a smile regardless of how awful it is.

In general, though, coed baby showers are the worst. I attended one once. Never again (unless it's my kid's or something). So boring and stupid.

Good advice.

Be happy you don’t have to attend these for non-family members, and aren’t involved with cultures who also have ginormous 1st Birthday parties. I’ve suffered through many, mostly for coworkers who are little more than acquaintances.

The only thing I’ve avoided are reveal parties.

I’d be ecstatic never to attend another party, including weddings. But I wouldn’t think twice about going for a close family member.

In September, my family is flying to Hawaii for my cousin’s daughter’s first birthday party. It will be attended by 100+ relatives. It will end up being a family reunion of sorts, and not surprisingly we’re making a week-long vacation out of it. But ginormous is the right word to describe that party.

 

[Chemical X]

don’t forget your purse.

 

[SWC]

i feel like sometimes you make things so much more difficult than they need to be your son asked you to go and told you it was more important to him than money so you go and do it with bells on and then you wonder if you should use what is obviously an important date to your son as a chance to pick a fight with his mom i mean man come on one of my main rules in life is dont be a laroosh and that clearly violates the rule stuff like this you get one shot to do it right and if you dont you are the story and it is a bad one for the rest of your son and grandchilds life i mean do you want people in 10 years when your grandkid is with it saying yeah that the was shower where ministrone went all ministrone or do you want your kid and grandkid to have a memory about you where they bring it up as a good thing when they are laying you to rest thats how to view this and adjust your behavior accordingly take that to the bank bromigo

Are you available for hire to speak with family law litigants?

i knew a guy who was a divorce lawyer and he told me that it always got busy about 4 pm on fridays when kid hand offs were supposed to happen and he would have people call about thier ex spouse being on the wrong side of the parking lot and stupid crap like that and he would ask them do you want me to charge you for this call and to fight about which side of the parking lot they are on or do you want to drive 100 feet and care about your kid more than winning and that always stuck with me take that to the bank bromigo

 

[SWC]

when did people start complaining about going to family parties man if there is one thing i sincerely miss in my life since my dad and most of my uncles aunts etc are gone it is big family gatherings particularly around weddings including the weddings themselves maybe it is just a wisconsin thing or a german thing but man we had fun take that to the bank bromigos

 

[arrow1]

Right up there with gender reveals.

 

[SWC]

i feel like sometimes you make things so much more difficult than they need to be your son asked you to go and told you it was more important to him than money so you go and do it with bells on and then you wonder if you should use what is obviously an important date to your son as a chance to pick a fight with his mom i mean man come on one of my main rules in life is dont be a laroosh and that clearly violates the rule stuff like this you get one shot to do it right and if you dont you are the story and it is a bad one for the rest of your son and grandchilds life i mean do you want people in 10 years when your grandkid is with it saying yeah that the was shower where ministrone went all ministrone or do you want your kid and grandkid to have a memory about you where they bring it up as a good thing when they are laying you to rest thats how to view this and adjust your behavior accordingly take that to the bank bromigo

Hey Bro, where did I say i was picking a fight with his mom...NO NO NO you don't get that punch in and skate off the ice
5-Minute Major for lying and painting a false narrative, that is not what I said

-I've gotten this far by not bad mouthing his mother, hardly a word since we've gotten together, not so on her side which is why I'm invited to everything. (I vent in here though)
I would never belittle myself by getting into any exchange of words with her that would put me in a negative light, and especially at a big event

Besides and most of you will love this one...you know who is most wanting to see me at the baby shower?
His grandfather and I had a very special interaction at the wedding that would be hard to describe but he basically told me I did the right thing 7-8 years ago jumping in head first
We shared a gentleman's pour of some 110 proof and we greet each other like we know each other now and his wife is real sweet on me, hugs me in front of everyone
I'm blessed in that sense but I knew nobody had more influence on my son than his grandfather, I had to gain his trust to get my son's respect and it took a long time

Big fan of the SWC

brohan first i fully realize that you have theories on pizza cutting math and frankly engaging in an internet flame war with a guy who has pizza cutting math theories is a fools errand so i will simply acknowledge that although me and likely everyone else objectively understood your post which called your kids mom poor and a thief and then criticized the car seat she bought as not great for its price and after which you then apparently went on line and searched out a different stroller thing you said looked a lot better and also more useful for your son when he doesnt want to pull the baby seat mom bought out of the car to attach to the other stroller that mom bought and then even posted a link for us to look at the one you totally werent going to buy to one up her that apparently i was wrong your intentions were actually as pure as the new fallen snow and were not looking to one up her or cause drama i totally see how it was just a koinkidink coincidence which probably happens hundreds of times every day take that to the bank bromigo also in all seriousness again congratulations and now that you have grandkids prepare for a lot of gym and field and concert stand sitting and watching i bet you will love it

Another thing is the registry where they had items they wanted, that's all sold out or others have already bought them

-His mom bought a $700 stroller with a detachable car seat
Mind you this woman doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together so nobody knows where she steals these things from
My son was hesitant to tell me, had to almost drag it out of him but then I looked up this stroller, kinda not that great if you ask me, especially for the price

So in July when my grand daughter arrives I want to give them this
https://www.amazon.com/Thule-Glide-...ocphy=9012038&hvtargid=pla-2281435177578&th=1

-I think that looks a lot better and also more useful for my son when he gets to see the baby at the end of a hard days work and just wants to take a quick stroll with her and not have to pull the baby seat out of the car to attach back to that other stroller.

 

[Ministry of Pain]

i feel like sometimes you make things so much more difficult than they need to be your son asked you to go and told you it was more important to him than money so you go and do it with bells on and then you wonder if you should use what is obviously an important date to your son as a chance to pick a fight with his mom i mean man come on one of my main rules in life is dont be a laroosh and that clearly violates the rule stuff like this you get one shot to do it right and if you dont you are the story and it is a bad one for the rest of your son and grandchilds life i mean do you want people in 10 years when your grandkid is with it saying yeah that the was shower where ministrone went all ministrone or do you want your kid and grandkid to have a memory about you where they bring it up as a good thing when they are laying you to rest thats how to view this and adjust your behavior accordingly take that to the bank bromigo

Hey Bro, where did I say i was picking a fight with his mom...NO NO NO you don't get that punch in and skate off the ice
5-Minute Major for lying and painting a false narrative, that is not what I said

-I've gotten this far by not bad mouthing his mother, hardly a word since we've gotten together, not so on her side which is why I'm invited to everything. (I vent in here though)
I would never belittle myself by getting into any exchange of words with her that would put me in a negative light, and especially at a big event

Besides and most of you will love this one...you know who is most wanting to see me at the baby shower?
His grandfather and I had a very special interaction at the wedding that would be hard to describe but he basically told me I did the right thing 7-8 years ago jumping in head first
We shared a gentleman's pour of some 110 proof and we greet each other like we know each other now and his wife is real sweet on me, hugs me in front of everyone
I'm blessed in that sense but I knew nobody had more influence on my son than his grandfather, I had to gain his trust to get my son's respect and it took a long time

Big fan of the SWC

brohan first i fully realize that you have theories on pizza cutting math and frankly engaging in an internet flame war with a guy who has pizza cutting math theories is a fools errand so i will simply acknowledge that although me and likely everyone else objectively understood your post which called your kids mom poor and a thief and then criticized the car seat she bought as not great for its price and after which you then apparently went on line and searched out a different stroller thing you said looked a lot better and also more useful for your son when he doesnt want to pull the baby seat mom bought out of the car to attach to the other stroller that mom bought and then even posted a link for us to look at the one you totally werent going to buy to one up her that apparently i was wrong your intentions were actually as pure as the new fallen snow and were not looking to one up her or cause drama i totally see how it was just a koinkidink coincidence which probably happens hundreds of times every day take that to the bank bromigo also in all seriousness again congratulations and now that you have grandkids prepare for a lot of gym and field and concert stand sitting and watching i bet you will love it

Another thing is the registry where they had items they wanted, that's all sold out or others have already bought them

-His mom bought a $700 stroller with a detachable car seat
Mind you this woman doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together so nobody knows where she steals these things from
My son was hesitant to tell me, had to almost drag it out of him but then I looked up this stroller, kinda not that great if you ask me, especially for the price

So in July when my grand daughter arrives I want to give them this
https://www.amazon.com/Thule-Glide-...ocphy=9012038&hvtargid=pla-2281435177578&th=1

-I think that looks a lot better and also more useful for my son when he gets to see the baby at the end of a hard days work and just wants to take a quick stroll with her and not have to pull the baby seat out of the car to attach back to that other stroller.

Where can I send you a box of Swedish Fish?

And I read your other post, I understand your POV but in my family it was rare that we got the whole family together for events and when they did and I was a kid, it wasn't pleasant
Maybe I just don't view these big family get togethers as warm fuzzy experiences.

I lost both parents quite a while back, my mom was 46 when she passed from cancer, she used to put together the best holidays for me as a kid.
The fact is most of these people are not my family, they're "In Laws" and I don't know them from Adam.

At least you have fond memories to look back at

 

[Zow]

i feel like sometimes you make things so much more difficult than they need to be your son asked you to go and told you it was more important to him than money so you go and do it with bells on and then you wonder if you should use what is obviously an important date to your son as a chance to pick a fight with his mom i mean man come on one of my main rules in life is dont be a laroosh and that clearly violates the rule stuff like this you get one shot to do it right and if you dont you are the story and it is a bad one for the rest of your son and grandchilds life i mean do you want people in 10 years when your grandkid is with it saying yeah that the was shower where ministrone went all ministrone or do you want your kid and grandkid to have a memory about you where they bring it up as a good thing when they are laying you to rest thats how to view this and adjust your behavior accordingly take that to the bank bromigo

Are you available for hire to speak with family law litigants?

i knew a guy who was a divorce lawyer and he told me that it always got busy about 4 pm on fridays when kid hand offs were supposed to happen and he would have people call about thier ex spouse being on the wrong side of the parking lot and stupid crap like that and he would ask them do you want me to charge you for this call and to fight about which side of the parking lot they are on or do you want to drive 100 feet and care about your kid more than winning and that always stuck with me take that to the bank bromigo

He tells a true tale.

My wife and I have a joke where she won’t pour me that first glass of end of the week vino until 6:15 pm bc I’m inevitably going to get a call around 6:00 pm (relatively commonly ordered exchange time in my jurisdiction) from one of a select few clients who will call me either with issues about the exchange (eg “he parked too close!” “She’s ninety seconds late!”) or looking for me to advise them that they don’t have to do the exchange despite it being a court order (which, for reasons I can’t elaborate on this board, people now think can be ignored). All with the kid present and hearing it all.

Our Italian soup OP hero’s story is unfortunately a common one. People who at least liked each other at one point to do what it takes to create a child are willing to do truly awful things to each other. I have no doubt that MOP’s paramour did him dirty and he has every reason to dislike her. But don’t involve the kid by expressing those frustrations to the kid or doing petty, passive aggressive thinks like buying a better version of the same gift. At best the kid feels bad. At worse the kid resents one or both parents and is given a terrible demonstration of how humans treat each other.

A judge I respect a lot has a regular saying he tells people in a custody battle: “I understand that things happened between the two of you and you have every right to go vent to your best friend about it. But, to [your child], he should only be told that dad is the best dad in the world and mom is the best mom in the world. Anything beyond that and you’re going to have a problem with me should you see me again.”

 

[glvsav37]

Your son def wants you there, so go. But when mine were being hatched, 19 years ago, it was strictly a woman's thing. However the boys did go out for a few drinks and football while our S/O's were going gaga over ribbon bow hats, baby booties, cute onesies, and other garbage thats till taking up residency in my attic 20 years later

 

[Instinctive]

Your son def wants you there, so go. But when mine were being hatched, 19 years ago, it was strictly a woman's thing. However the boys did go out for a few drinks and football while our S/O's were going gaga over ribbon bow hats, baby booties, cute onesies, and other garbage thats till taking up residency in my attic 20 years later

That's how I know I married a good one. Our daughter is four months old. We've already sold nearly everything for 3-months or younger.

 

[Terminalxylem]

i feel like sometimes you make things so much more difficult than they need to be your son asked you to go and told you it was more important to him than money so you go and do it with bells on and then you wonder if you should use what is obviously an important date to your son as a chance to pick a fight with his mom i mean man come on one of my main rules in life is dont be a laroosh and that clearly violates the rule stuff like this you get one shot to do it right and if you dont you are the story and it is a bad one for the rest of your son and grandchilds life i mean do you want people in 10 years when your grandkid is with it saying yeah that the was shower where ministrone went all ministrone or do you want your kid and grandkid to have a memory about you where they bring it up as a good thing when they are laying you to rest thats how to view this and adjust your behavior accordingly take that to the bank bromigo

Hey Bro, where did I say i was picking a fight with his mom...NO NO NO you don't get that punch in and skate off the ice
5-Minute Major for lying and painting a false narrative, that is not what I said

-I've gotten this far by not bad mouthing his mother, hardly a word since we've gotten together, not so on her side which is why I'm invited to everything. (I vent in here though)
I would never belittle myself by getting into any exchange of words with her that would put me in a negative light, and especially at a big event

Besides and most of you will love this one...you know who is most wanting to see me at the baby shower?
His grandfather and I had a very special interaction at the wedding that would be hard to describe but he basically told me I did the right thing 7-8 years ago jumping in head first
We shared a gentleman's pour of some 110 proof and we greet each other like we know each other now and his wife is real sweet on me, hugs me in front of everyone
I'm blessed in that sense but I knew nobody had more influence on my son than his grandfather, I had to gain his trust to get my son's respect and it took a long time

Big fan of the SWC

brohan first i fully realize that you have theories on pizza cutting math and frankly engaging in an internet flame war with a guy who has pizza cutting math theories is a fools errand so i will simply acknowledge that although me and likely everyone else objectively understood your post which called your kids mom poor and a thief and then criticized the car seat she bought as not great for its price and after which you then apparently went on line and searched out a different stroller thing you said looked a lot better and also more useful for your son when he doesnt want to pull the baby seat mom bought out of the car to attach to the other stroller that mom bought and then even posted a link for us to look at the one you totally werent going to buy to one up her that apparently i was wrong your intentions were actually as pure as the new fallen snow and were not looking to one up her or cause drama i totally see how it was just a koinkidink coincidence which probably happens hundreds of times every day take that to the bank bromigo also in all seriousness again congratulations and now that you have grandkids prepare for a lot of gym and field and concert stand sitting and watching i bet you will love it

Another thing is the registry where they had items they wanted, that's all sold out or others have already bought them

-His mom bought a $700 stroller with a detachable car seat
Mind you this woman doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together so nobody knows where she steals these things from
My son was hesitant to tell me, had to almost drag it out of him but then I looked up this stroller, kinda not that great if you ask me, especially for the price

So in July when my grand daughter arrives I want to give them this
https://www.amazon.com/Thule-Glide-...ocphy=9012038&hvtargid=pla-2281435177578&th=1

-I think that looks a lot better and also more useful for my son when he gets to see the baby at the end of a hard days work and just wants to take a quick stroll with her and not have to pull the baby seat out of the car to attach back to that other stroller.

Where can I send you a box of Swedish Fish?

And I read your other post, I understand your POV but in my family it was rare that we got the whole family together for events and when they did and I was a kid, it wasn't pleasant
Maybe I just don't view these big family get togethers as warm fuzzy experiences.

I lost both parents quite a while back, my mom was 46 when she passed from cancer, she used to put together the best holidays for me as a kid.
The fact is most of these people are not my family, they're "In Laws" and I don't know them from Adam.

At least you have fond memories to look back at

I’m with you on this. Never liked big family gatherings, or big parties, period. I enjoy more quality time in small groups, whether it be family or friends.

But I’m introverted.

As for the stroller, even if your intentions are pure, you should at least consider the ramifications of appearing to engage in one-upmanship.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

Might start with a single share of Apple or something along those lines and manage it for her and help build something she can use to get started in life

Balanced no-load mutual fund.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

Right up there with gender reveals.

I wish they would have chosen a different name. Everyone freaked out when I pulled down my pants.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

I simply ask him what do you want to do and how could I help?

The best words you (or pretty much anyone) ever said.

 

[Zow]

i feel like sometimes you make things so much more difficult than they need to be your son asked you to go and told you it was more important to him than money so you go and do it with bells on and then you wonder if you should use what is obviously an important date to your son as a chance to pick a fight with his mom i mean man come on one of my main rules in life is dont be a laroosh and that clearly violates the rule stuff like this you get one shot to do it right and if you dont you are the story and it is a bad one for the rest of your son and grandchilds life i mean do you want people in 10 years when your grandkid is with it saying yeah that the was shower where ministrone went all ministrone or do you want your kid and grandkid to have a memory about you where they bring it up as a good thing when they are laying you to rest thats how to view this and adjust your behavior accordingly take that to the bank bromigo

Hey Bro, where did I say i was picking a fight with his mom...NO NO NO you don't get that punch in and skate off the ice
5-Minute Major for lying and painting a false narrative, that is not what I said

-I've gotten this far by not bad mouthing his mother, hardly a word since we've gotten together, not so on her side which is why I'm invited to everything. (I vent in here though)
I would never belittle myself by getting into any exchange of words with her that would put me in a negative light, and especially at a big event

Besides and most of you will love this one...you know who is most wanting to see me at the baby shower?
His grandfather and I had a very special interaction at the wedding that would be hard to describe but he basically told me I did the right thing 7-8 years ago jumping in head first
We shared a gentleman's pour of some 110 proof and we greet each other like we know each other now and his wife is real sweet on me, hugs me in front of everyone
I'm blessed in that sense but I knew nobody had more influence on my son than his grandfather, I had to gain his trust to get my son's respect and it took a long time

Big fan of the SWC

brohan first i fully realize that you have theories on pizza cutting math and frankly engaging in an internet flame war with a guy who has pizza cutting math theories is a fools errand so i will simply acknowledge that although me and likely everyone else objectively understood your post which called your kids mom poor and a thief and then criticized the car seat she bought as not great for its price and after which you then apparently went on line and searched out a different stroller thing you said looked a lot better and also more useful for your son when he doesnt want to pull the baby seat mom bought out of the car to attach to the other stroller that mom bought and then even posted a link for us to look at the one you totally werent going to buy to one up her that apparently i was wrong your intentions were actually as pure as the new fallen snow and were not looking to one up her or cause drama i totally see how it was just a koinkidink coincidence which probably happens hundreds of times every day take that to the bank bromigo also in all seriousness again congratulations and now that you have grandkids prepare for a lot of gym and field and concert stand sitting and watching i bet you will love it

Another thing is the registry where they had items they wanted, that's all sold out or others have already bought them

-His mom bought a $700 stroller with a detachable car seat
Mind you this woman doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together so nobody knows where she steals these things from
My son was hesitant to tell me, had to almost drag it out of him but then I looked up this stroller, kinda not that great if you ask me, especially for the price

So in July when my grand daughter arrives I want to give them this
https://www.amazon.com/Thule-Glide-...ocphy=9012038&hvtargid=pla-2281435177578&th=1

-I think that looks a lot better and also more useful for my son when he gets to see the baby at the end of a hard days work and just wants to take a quick stroll with her and not have to pull the baby seat out of the car to attach back to that other stroller.

Where can I send you a box of Swedish Fish?

And I read your other post, I understand your POV but in my family it was rare that we got the whole family together for events and when they did and I was a kid, it wasn't pleasant
Maybe I just don't view these big family get togethers as warm fuzzy experiences.

I lost both parents quite a while back, my mom was 46 when she passed from cancer, she used to put together the best holidays for me as a kid.
The fact is most of these people are not my family, they're "In Laws" and I don't know them from Adam.

At least you have fond memories to look back at

I’m with you on this. Never liked big family gatherings, or big parties, period. I enjoy more quality time in small groups, whether it be family or friends.

But I’m introverted.

As for the stroller, even if your intentions are pure, you should at least consider the ramifications of appearing to engage in one-upmanship.

Yeah while I'm not introverted I can't stand these things as well. I never even wanted to attend my own graduations, graduation parties, or other such parties in my honor. Small dinners are great.

However, I think the point of this thread is that if your kid asks you to be involved in a celebratory gathering, you set your personal preferences aside and go. Anecdotally I can say that my wife had a grandfather who hated going to these things and he skipped her major events like graduations and our wedding. He's since past but her most immediate memory of her grandfather is that he didn't come to her important life events. Don't be that guy.

 

[drummer]

 

[-fish-]

Short, direct answer to your question: Co-ed baby showers became a thing about 20 years ago.

You hang out with the other men that don't want to be there. Eat an edible, bring a gift, and try not to make a scene. That's all that's required of you.

 

[-fish-]

Your son def wants you there, so go. But when mine were being hatched, 19 years ago, it was strictly a woman's thing. However the boys did go out for a few drinks and football while our S/O's were going gaga over ribbon bow hats, baby booties, cute onesies, and other garbage thats till taking up residency in my attic 20 years later

That's how I know I married a good one. Our daughter is four months old. We've already sold nearly everything for 3-months or younger.

Congratulations on having to buy everything again.

 

[Instinctive]

Your son def wants you there, so go. But when mine were being hatched, 19 years ago, it was strictly a woman's thing. However the boys did go out for a few drinks and football while our S/O's were going gaga over ribbon bow hats, baby booties, cute onesies, and other garbage thats till taking up residency in my attic 20 years later

That's how I know I married a good one. Our daughter is four months old. We've already sold nearly everything for 3-months or younger.

Congratulations on having to buy everything again.

Don't need to. Having two kids and she is our second. Saved everything from our older one, and no sentimental "but what if we need her baby shirt when she's 20????" Or anything like that.

 

[-fish-]

Your son def wants you there, so go. But when mine were being hatched, 19 years ago, it was strictly a woman's thing. However the boys did go out for a few drinks and football while our S/O's were going gaga over ribbon bow hats, baby booties, cute onesies, and other garbage thats till taking up residency in my attic 20 years later

That's how I know I married a good one. Our daughter is four months old. We've already sold nearly everything for 3-months or younger.

Congratulations on having to buy everything again.

Don't need to. Having two kids and she is our second. Saved everything from our older one, and no sentimental "but what if we need her baby shirt when she's 20????" Or anything like that.

cute how you believe women never change their minds.

 

[Instinctive]

Your son def wants you there, so go. But when mine were being hatched, 19 years ago, it was strictly a woman's thing. However the boys did go out for a few drinks and football while our S/O's were going gaga over ribbon bow hats, baby booties, cute onesies, and other garbage thats till taking up residency in my attic 20 years later

That's how I know I married a good one. Our daughter is four months old. We've already sold nearly everything for 3-months or younger.

Congratulations on having to buy everything again.

Don't need to. Having two kids and she is our second. Saved everything from our older one, and no sentimental "but what if we need her baby shirt when she's 20????" Or anything like that.

cute how you believe women never change their minds.

I get youre trying to be funny, and I'm going to assume you didn't follow any of our journey in the trouble with pregnancy thread, but this is the point where you just apologize for not realizing you've hit on something very touchy and have no idea what you're talking about.

Obviously no ill intent, just letting you know that continuing would be a real **** move.

 

[-fish-]

Your son def wants you there, so go. But when mine were being hatched, 19 years ago, it was strictly a woman's thing. However the boys did go out for a few drinks and football while our S/O's were going gaga over ribbon bow hats, baby booties, cute onesies, and other garbage thats till taking up residency in my attic 20 years later

That's how I know I married a good one. Our daughter is four months old. We've already sold nearly everything for 3-months or younger.

Congratulations on having to buy everything again.

Don't need to. Having two kids and she is our second. Saved everything from our older one, and no sentimental "but what if we need her baby shirt when she's 20????" Or anything like that.

cute how you believe women never change their minds.

I get youre trying to be funny, and I'm going to assume you didn't follow any of our journey in the trouble with pregnancy thread, but this is the point where you just apologize for not realizing you've hit on something very touchy and have no idea what you're talking about.

Obviously no ill intent, just letting you know that continuing would be a real **** move.

Dude my kid was the result of 4 IUI's, 2 IVF's and a divorce...and my wife still wanted to hire a surrogate to implant the leftover embryos. Get over yourself.

 

[drummer]

MoP has become Larry David.

 

[Instinctive]

Your son def wants you there, so go. But when mine were being hatched, 19 years ago, it was strictly a woman's thing. However the boys did go out for a few drinks and football while our S/O's were going gaga over ribbon bow hats, baby booties, cute onesies, and other garbage thats till taking up residency in my attic 20 years later

That's how I know I married a good one. Our daughter is four months old. We've already sold nearly everything for 3-months or younger.

Congratulations on having to buy everything again.

Don't need to. Having two kids and she is our second. Saved everything from our older one, and no sentimental "but what if we need her baby shirt when she's 20????" Or anything like that.

cute how you believe women never change their minds.

I get youre trying to be funny, and I'm going to assume you didn't follow any of our journey in the trouble with pregnancy thread, but this is the point where you just apologize for not realizing you've hit on something very touchy and have no idea what you're talking about.

Obviously no ill intent, just letting you know that continuing would be a real **** move.

Dude my kid was the result of 4 IUI's, 2 IVF's and a divorce...and my wife still wanted to hire a surrogate to implant the leftover embryos. Get over yourself.

That sounds really hard. Here if you ever want to talk. Last sentence totally uncalled for, but forgiven.

 

[-fish-]

Your son def wants you there, so go. But when mine were being hatched, 19 years ago, it was strictly a woman's thing. However the boys did go out for a few drinks and football while our S/O's were going gaga over ribbon bow hats, baby booties, cute onesies, and other garbage thats till taking up residency in my attic 20 years later

That's how I know I married a good one. Our daughter is four months old. We've already sold nearly everything for 3-months or younger.

Congratulations on having to buy everything again.

Don't need to. Having two kids and she is our second. Saved everything from our older one, and no sentimental "but what if we need her baby shirt when she's 20????" Or anything like that.

cute how you believe women never change their minds.

I get youre trying to be funny, and I'm going to assume you didn't follow any of our journey in the trouble with pregnancy thread, but this is the point where you just apologize for not realizing you've hit on something very touchy and have no idea what you're talking about.

Obviously no ill intent, just letting you know that continuing would be a real **** move.

Dude my kid was the result of 4 IUI's, 2 IVF's and a divorce...and my wife still wanted to hire a surrogate to implant the leftover embryos. Get over yourself.

That sounds really hard. Here if you ever want to talk. Last sentence totally uncalled for, but forgiven.

You'd know all this if you weren't the youngest person on an outdated internet forum

 

[-fish-]

One of my friends just had his vasectomy reversed and his wife had a baby girl. He's 50. His oldest daughter grew up with mine. Good luck with that, buddy. Bet he wishes he'd stashed that crib in the attic for 20 years.

 

[-fish-]

MoP has become Larry David.

MoP has always been some version of Larry David. The tuna can in the theater incident could be a whole episode of Curb.

 

[drummer]

MoP has become Larry David.

MoP has always been some version of Larry David. The tuna can in the theater incident could be a whole episode of Curb.

That was classic MoP lol!

 

[-fish-]

MoP has become Larry David.

MoP has always been some version of Larry David. The tuna can in the theater incident could be a whole episode of Curb.

That was classic MoP lol!

Him throwing a hooker out of a moving car was just a different, more unhinged version of Larry David picking up a prostitute to use the carpool lane to get to Dodgers stadium.

 

[drummer]

MoP has become Larry David.

MoP has always been some version of Larry David. The tuna can in the theater incident could be a whole episode of Curb.

That was classic MoP lol!

Him throwing a hooker out of a moving car was just a different, more unhinged version of Larry David picking up a prostitute to use the carpool lane to get to Dodgers stadium.

I bet MoP threw her out because she had a better fantasy draft board.

 

[Ministry of Pain]

Short, direct answer to your question: Co-ed baby showers became a thing about 20 years ago.

You hang out with the other men that don't want to be there. Eat an edible, bring a gift, and try not to make a scene. That's all that's required of you.

I wish it were that easy

-We are all going to sit in a big room they have rented somewhere and watch my DIL open all these gifts WITH my son sitting close if not next to her....
-We are required to wear pink clothing of some kind, lot of guys are wearing pink shirts, I'm a Johnny Cash man myself

Otherwise I'm with you, definitely will have my vape sticks in multiple pockets and will need a daily dose of fresh air about every 30 minutes
Keeping a cooler in the trunk for quick trips, I can usually get down a tallboy of Narragansett in under 45-60 seconds, solid buzz for a few minutes
Gonna steer clear of the hard stuff until we get tot he after party back at son's crib or wherever we land

I went ahead and just booked a room downtown St Pete, rolling in tomorrow afternoon to help out with any last minute things they need before Saturday
Appreciate your candid advice

 

[Ministry of Pain]

Update

-I want to thank ALL of YOU for chiming in and helping me come to the right decisions

Friday, the night before
I cruised into town and ended up going out with my son and two friends who they met on their honeymoon aboard Virgin cruises
Guy was a FL Hwy Patrol officer out of Cocoa Beach, very cool customer and I even lit up around him, was not an issue because his wife tokes as well, that was fun

Friday Night I went into my son's house and his wife, 2 sisters and her mom were all in the kitchen working and I understand but I didn't even get a hello or nothing, I didn't stay long
I did the old Irish good bye and I get a phone call on my way back to the hotel asking why I slipped out, I just said it was rather cold inside and I didn't want to create any issues so I split.
(son and I have a long discussion, apparently all of them were fighting before we arrived, still I could tell he was not very happy with me)

Saturday...Noon was the start time but I made sure I was there by 11:30 to help with any last second set ups or hiccups
I also knew I had to hit my mark and I mean I better nail the dismount, no excuses...
-I made a decision on the way there to stop and get the prettiest and fanciest bouquets of flowers, I had a dozen roses for my daughter in law and no apologies, just a big smile and "You look beautiful, these are for you" she cried and gave me a big hug. Next I had one of the biggest sunflower and roses arrangements in my other hand for my DIL's mother who has not a single man in her life, she hasn't been given flowers since Clinton was in office and the look on her face when I gave them to her and wished her a "Happy Mother's Day" and those flowers sat right in front of her the entire time.

Highlight of the shower by far was my time coloring with the children when I first arrived. I couldn't be of much help setting up but I had no problem sitting down and entertaining 5 kids all eager to color and talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk....until one of them cried "PLEASE!" in a tone that cut thru the air instantly, "Which color did you want?" as I present the entire 24 pack of colored pencils to the 3 year old.

Best moment was when I was sitting with the 7 yr old named Kya and I leaned over to her and said "I'm nervous" and she said "Why are you nervous?"
I said "Well, I'm going to be a grandfather to their baby in a few weeks and I'm afraid I'm not gonna be a good grandfather" (I was being glib, no doubt)
I **** you not, she turned her head up at me and shoots out "Oh no you're gonna be a great grandfather" and she said it with conviction

As we were all leaving I told her to "Be Good" and she replied without missing a beat "Y-O-U T-O-O!" (that little one knows I moonlight as the devil )
She softened me up and I found out she does not have a grandfather that is ever around or spends any time with her or her little brother and sister
Looks like I am going to be a grandfather to several more children than I originally planned...NTTAWWT!
Thanks everyone for listening to all my bull ****, I'm a very lucky man
Oh and yeah, my son gave me a huge hug at the shower and told me everything was perfect, can't ask for much more than that.

Cheers everyone

 

[B Maverick]

Nice job @Ministry of Pain way to embrace it. I bet this goes a long way with all of them, esp your son.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

-We are required to wear pink clothing of some kind

May I suggest this?

 

[Zow]

Wait, so, MoP didn't MoP this thing up?

Well done.