Why Do So Many Men Tolerate Having a Crappy Sex Life? (1 Viewer)

[sublimeone]

I'll venture a guess that a lot of the folks complaining of a bad sex life watch a ton of porn... I'll also venture a guess that a lot of people would start having better sex with their spouse if they eliminated porn viewing habits. I know.... crazy.

I'd venture to guess that some who are having troubles view more porn as a substitute.

Seems like a classic push/pull situation to me. Will stopping porn lead to more sex for people? This I doubt.

absolutely. from the linked article

Men who watch pornography several days a week or more depend on it more for arousal but enjoy sex less in real life, according to a new report in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.

http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/men-watch-lot-porn-enjoy-sex-study-article-1.2042977

How does that article prove your point?

It's talking about men's arousal and satisfaction with sex...not the frequency or lack thereof they are getting it.

So...stopping watching would lead to easier arousal (which would be terrible if wife ain't giving it up) and more satisfying sex (which...again...If she ain't giving it up...what difference does this make?).

I know it's a pretty big leap to make, but..... the logical conclusion I'm coming to is that a person who is not aroused by actual sex would have less sex.

 

[acarey50]

I'll venture a guess that a lot of the folks complaining of a bad sex life watch a ton of porn... I'll also venture a guess that a lot of people would start having better sex with their spouse if they eliminated porn viewing habits. I know.... crazy.

I'd venture to guess that some who are having troubles view more porn as a substitute.

Seems like a classic push/pull situation to me. Will stopping porn lead to more sex for people? This I doubt.

absolutely. from the linked article

Men who watch pornography several days a week or more depend on it more for arousal but enjoy sex less in real life, according to a new report in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.

http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/men-watch-lot-porn-enjoy-sex-study-article-1.2042977

How does that article prove your point?

It's talking about men's arousal and satisfaction with sex...not the frequency or lack thereof they are getting it.

So...stopping watching would lead to easier arousal (which would be terrible if wife ain't giving it up) and more satisfying sex (which...again...If she ain't giving it up...what difference does this make?).

I know it's a pretty big leap to make, but..... the logical conclusion I'm coming to is that a person who is not aroused by actual sex would have less sex.

But this isn't about men's arousal.

The complaint is that the man (who is presumably aroused) is not getting it enough from the woman (whom apparently lacks arousal).

Perhaps the solution is for more women to watch porn.

 

[mr roboto]

What he's trying to say is if there wasn't an alternative like porn maybe dudes would be more creative, romantic, something.

I don't necessarily agree but it's amazing some of you don't get his basic premise.

 

[comfortably numb]

What he's trying to say is if there wasn't an alternative like porn maybe dudes would be more creative, romantic, something.

I don't necessarily agree but it's amazing some of you don't get his basic premise.

Right....like in the 80s a dude would drive to his gf house and play "In your eyes" on his boombox for show his love to his gf.

In the 90s he would have gone home and whacked off to Internet porn

 

[Insein]

What he's trying to say is if there wasn't an alternative like porn maybe dudes would be more creative, romantic, something.

I don't necessarily agree but it's amazing some of you don't get his basic premise.

Its a pretty big leap. And he never clearly stated that was his premise. The premise he presented was that men with Erectile dysfunction would get aroused more by normal sex if they didn't watch porn. That's not the argument being made in this thread at all. This thread is about men or have no problems being aroused being stuck in a marriage that leaves them unfulfilled and thus seeking alternatives that aren't sex with a woman other than your wife.

 

[sublimeone]

I'll venture a guess that a lot of the folks complaining of a bad sex life watch a ton of porn... I'll also venture a guess that a lot of people would start having better sex with their spouse if they eliminated porn viewing habits. I know.... crazy.

I'd venture to guess that some who are having troubles view more porn as a substitute.

Seems like a classic push/pull situation to me. Will stopping porn lead to more sex for people? This I doubt.

absolutely. from the linked article

Men who watch pornography several days a week or more depend on it more for arousal but enjoy sex less in real life, according to a new report in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.

http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/men-watch-lot-porn-enjoy-sex-study-article-1.2042977

How does that article prove your point?

It's talking about men's arousal and satisfaction with sex...not the frequency or lack thereof they are getting it.

So...stopping watching would lead to easier arousal (which would be terrible if wife ain't giving it up) and more satisfying sex (which...again...If she ain't giving it up...what difference does this make?).

I know it's a pretty big leap to make, but..... the logical conclusion I'm coming to is that a person who is not aroused by actual sex would have less sex.

But this isn't about men's arousal.

The complaint is that the man (who is presumably aroused) is not getting it enough from the woman (whom apparently lacks arousal).

Perhaps the solution is for more women to watch porn.

What he's trying to say is if there wasn't an alternative like porn maybe dudes would be more creative, romantic, something.

I don't necessarily agree but it's amazing some of you don't get his basic premise.

thank you.

 

[James Daulton]

Still haven't gotten an answer from those dudes who say sex isn't important about whether or not they pleasure themselves.

 

[sublimeone]

What he's trying to say is if there wasn't an alternative like porn maybe dudes would be more creative, romantic, something.

I don't necessarily agree but it's amazing some of you don't get his basic premise.

Its a pretty big leap. And he never clearly stated that was his premise. The premise he presented was that men with Erectile dysfunction would get aroused more by normal sex if they didn't watch porn. That's not the argument being made in this thread at all. This thread is about men or have no problems being aroused being stuck in a marriage that leaves them unfulfilled and thus seeking alternatives that aren't sex with a woman other than your wife.

I never said anything about erectile dysfunction. I just said porn can rob you of the initiative to do the things that will lead to actual sex.... just like fast food can rob you of the initiative to prepare a meal in your kitchen. It quick, it's convenient.

 

[culdeus]

What he's trying to say is if there wasn't an alternative like porn maybe dudes would be more creative, romantic, something.

I don't necessarily agree but it's amazing some of you don't get his basic premise.

Its a pretty big leap. And he never clearly stated that was his premise. The premise he presented was that men with Erectile dysfunction would get aroused more by normal sex if they didn't watch porn. That's not the argument being made in this thread at all. This thread is about men or have no problems being aroused being stuck in a marriage that leaves them unfulfilled and thus seeking alternatives that aren't sex with a woman other than your wife.

I never said anything about erectile dysfunction. I just said porn can rob you of the initiative to do the things that will lead to actual sex.... just like fast food can rob you of the initiative to prepare a meal in your kitchen. It quick, it's convenient.

Do you actually have any data to back this.

 

[Insein]

What he's trying to say is if there wasn't an alternative like porn maybe dudes would be more creative, romantic, something.

I don't necessarily agree but it's amazing some of you don't get his basic premise.

Its a pretty big leap. And he never clearly stated that was his premise. The premise he presented was that men with Erectile dysfunction would get aroused more by normal sex if they didn't watch porn. That's not the argument being made in this thread at all. This thread is about men or have no problems being aroused being stuck in a marriage that leaves them unfulfilled and thus seeking alternatives that aren't sex with a woman other than your wife.

I never said anything about erectile dysfunction. I just said porn can rob you of the initiative to do the things that will lead to actual sex.... just like fast food can rob you of the initiative to prepare a meal in your kitchen. It quick, it's convenient.

I disagree. Porn was not always an alternative. It was in a lot of cases an inferior substitute for the real thing. Ask a guy which one he would prefer and guess what will win every time?Porn is something a guy goes to when he's tried to get something going. Tried to be romantic. Tried to stir the feelings in his partner but has failed. How hard is it to woo your wife? Apparently harder than wooing a perfect stranger in some cases. So instead of cheating, guys turn to porn most times in disgust. Then it grows to a point where trying and failing becomes tiresome.

All it would take is a life line. Any sign that they want some and we're there. Like dogs begging for a bone. Then once its done, we're back to square one. Like an oasis in the desert. Trying to make it from one side to the other can have long dry spells. So you bring a canteen with you.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Not true that sex always wins over porn. Depends on a lot of factors.

 

[sublimeone]

What he's trying to say is if there wasn't an alternative like porn maybe dudes would be more creative, romantic, something.

I don't necessarily agree but it's amazing some of you don't get his basic premise.

Its a pretty big leap. And he never clearly stated that was his premise. The premise he presented was that men with Erectile dysfunction would get aroused more by normal sex if they didn't watch porn. That's not the argument being made in this thread at all. This thread is about men or have no problems being aroused being stuck in a marriage that leaves them unfulfilled and thus seeking alternatives that aren't sex with a woman other than your wife.

I never said anything about erectile dysfunction. I just said porn can rob you of the initiative to do the things that will lead to actual sex.... just like fast food can rob you of the initiative to prepare a meal in your kitchen. It quick, it's convenient.

Do you actually have any data to back this.

What kind of data do you want? I don't know that it's possible to quantify this exact sort of thing with data. I think you can extrapolate from studies like the one linked below:

Maltz said pornography serves as a warped sexual outlet that is no longer just entertainment and a fantasy.

“It is becoming a product that actually competes with the real thing, with a real partner. It is creating havoc for a good chunk of people in their dating, mating and early sexual development,” Maltz explained. "It is a relatively new phenomena.”

Maltz said that those using pornography as a sexual outlet might have a hard time being motivated or interested in having a real, human partner. Sexually relating to a human partner takes effort, while looking at a screen doesn't.

“(A real, human sexual relationship) is not on demand, it is not at anytime or anyplace as like their cellphone or computer,"

Read more at http://national.deseretnews.com/article/3381/Pornography-addiction-another-reason-for-the-US-marriage-decline.html#TG4WcFrqqmZDpeAF.99

 

[Insein]

If you're in a relationship of multiple years with a woman, it would take a truly apathetic man that has completely given up to turn down an offer of sex even if you have the pants down and mouse clicking already.

 

[sublimeone]

If you're in a relationship of multiple years with a woman, it would take a truly apathetic man that has completely given up to turn down an offer of sex even if you have the pants down and mouse clicking already.

It's as if you've never had sex before. This isn't typically how it happens.

 

[TwinTurbo]

What he's trying to say is if there wasn't an alternative like porn maybe dudes would be more creative, romantic, something.

I don't necessarily agree but it's amazing some of you don't get his basic premise.

I get the basic premise but it's false under the scenario this thread is about. Sex addition and dysfuntion are very real problems as well but we aren't talking about that. We are talking about normal dudes that have a wife that doesn't ever want to be intimate. That particular problem predates the internet by countless milleniums.

 

[mr roboto]

What he's trying to say is if there wasn't an alternative like porn maybe dudes would be more creative, romantic, something.

I don't necessarily agree but it's amazing some of you don't get his basic premise.

I get the basic premise but it's false under the scenario this thread is about. Sex addition and dysfuntion are very real problems as well but we aren't talking about that. We are talking about normal dudes that have a wife that doesn't ever want to be intimate. That particular problem predates the internet by countless milleniums.

True and it's probably slightly exacerbated by the availability of porn. My wife said many women are affraid to admit it but porn makes them incredibly self conscience. If she knows you are wanking it to perfect 10 teens online I guaran-damn-tee you she's gonna feel lees than sexy around you.

 

[sublimeone]

What he's trying to say is if there wasn't an alternative like porn maybe dudes would be more creative, romantic, something.

I don't necessarily agree but it's amazing some of you don't get his basic premise.

I get the basic premise but it's false under the scenario this thread is about. Sex addition and dysfuntion are very real problems as well but we aren't talking about that. We are talking about normal dudes that have a wife that doesn't ever want to be intimate. That particular problem predates the internet by countless milleniums.

As I stated previously, men will always want sex more frequently than women... but internet porn has exacerbated the issue. Just because men have always wanted more sex than women does not mean internet porn is not affecting intimacy in marriages and leading to even less sex than would be had otherwise.

 

[tommyboy]

If you're in a relationship of multiple years with a woman, it would take a truly apathetic man that has completely given up to turn down an offer of sex even if you have the pants down and mouse clicking already.

Ive turned it down. Jeez what do you think i am, some kind of whore?

 

[sublimeone]

what porn does to intimacy

 

[Lutherman2112]

And ( I don't know if it's already been said) I'll also say...if your wife is on the pill.....get her off it. In my experiences, the pill did almost as much damage to my sex wife as motherhood and children. Horrible, horrible thing.

Sound advice.

You're a doctor, right?

I think your problem is that you have a "sex wife".

 

[SIDA!]

What he's trying to say is if there wasn't an alternative like porn maybe dudes would be more creative, romantic, something.

I don't necessarily agree but it's amazing some of you don't get his basic premise.

Its a pretty big leap. And he never clearly stated that was his premise. The premise he presented was that men with Erectile dysfunction would get aroused more by normal sex if they didn't watch porn. That's not the argument being made in this thread at all. This thread is about men or have no problems being aroused being stuck in a marriage that leaves them unfulfilled and thus seeking alternatives that aren't sex with a woman other than your wife.

I never said anything about erectile dysfunction. I just said porn can rob you of the initiative to do the things that will lead to actual sex.... just like fast food can rob you of the initiative to prepare a meal in your kitchen. It quick, it's convenient.

Do you actually have any data to back this.

What kind of data do you want? I don't know that it's possible to quantify this exact sort of thing with data. I think you can extrapolate from studies like the one linked below:

Maltz said pornography serves as a warped sexual outlet that is no longer just entertainment and a fantasy.

“It is becoming a product that actually competes with the real thing, with a real partner. It is creating havoc for a good chunk of people in their dating, mating and early sexual development,” Maltz explained. "It is a relatively new phenomena.”

Maltz said that those using pornography as a sexual outlet might have a hard time being motivated or interested in having a real, human partner. Sexually relating to a human partner takes effort, while looking at a screen doesn't.

“(A real, human sexual relationship) is not on demand, it is not at anytime or anyplace as like their cellphone or computer,"

Read more at http://national.deseretnews.com/article/3381/Pornography-addiction-another-reason-for-the-US-marriage-decline.html#TG4WcFrqqmZDpeAF.99

Interesting topic.

I think there is some truth to this but I think it is also has some blurry lines.

If I have to choose between sex with a partner who is really not into it, with a partner that has physically let herself go to the point that I am no longer attractive, a partner that makes the actual act of wanting and having sex so onerous/tiresome, etc., then I am choosing porn and masturbation the overwhelming majority of the time.

I think porn can take away our desire to seek out sex...boring sex with a boring partner. And I think many confuse the impact of porn. Porn doesn't make me want to have less sex with a real woman. It makes me want to have more sex, personally. But the flip side of it is...it makes it easier to settle for less gratifying intercourse and takes away the need to do the dumb #### men did in the past to get some action from a woman who thinks her ###### is the golden goose and wants to wield it like a weapon or leverage over a guy.

Sorry chica, you are pushing two hundy and lay there on your back like a floor rug waiting for it to be over. Porn isn't making many guys dysfunctional lovers. Porn is just allowing them to catatonically coast through their miserable existence while simultaneously giving women another shiny object from which they can deflect blame and responsibility for their own short"cum"ings in the relationship.

 

[Thunderlips]

And ( I don't know if it's already been said) I'll also say...if your wife is on the pill.....get her off it. In my experiences, the pill did almost as much damage to my sex wife as motherhood and children. Horrible, horrible thing.

Sound advice.

You're a doctor, right?

I think your problem is that you have a "sex wife".

Sometimes I play Dr. Johnson Dixon when I'm coitusing.

Serious about the pill though.

 

[sublimeone]

What he's trying to say is if there wasn't an alternative like porn maybe dudes would be more creative, romantic, something.

I don't necessarily agree but it's amazing some of you don't get his basic premise.

Its a pretty big leap. And he never clearly stated that was his premise. The premise he presented was that men with Erectile dysfunction would get aroused more by normal sex if they didn't watch porn. That's not the argument being made in this thread at all. This thread is about men or have no problems being aroused being stuck in a marriage that leaves them unfulfilled and thus seeking alternatives that aren't sex with a woman other than your wife.

I never said anything about erectile dysfunction. I just said porn can rob you of the initiative to do the things that will lead to actual sex.... just like fast food can rob you of the initiative to prepare a meal in your kitchen. It quick, it's convenient.

Do you actually have any data to back this.

What kind of data do you want? I don't know that it's possible to quantify this exact sort of thing with data. I think you can extrapolate from studies like the one linked below:

Maltz said pornography serves as a warped sexual outlet that is no longer just entertainment and a fantasy.

“It is becoming a product that actually competes with the real thing, with a real partner. It is creating havoc for a good chunk of people in their dating, mating and early sexual development,” Maltz explained. "It is a relatively new phenomena.”

Maltz said that those using pornography as a sexual outlet might have a hard time being motivated or interested in having a real, human partner. Sexually relating to a human partner takes effort, while looking at a screen doesn't.

“(A real, human sexual relationship) is not on demand, it is not at anytime or anyplace as like their cellphone or computer,"

Read more at http://national.deseretnews.com/article/3381/Pornography-addiction-another-reason-for-the-US-marriage-decline.html#TG4WcFrqqmZDpeAF.99

Interesting topic.

I think there is some truth to this but I think it is also has some blurry lines.

If I have to choose between sex with a partner who is really not into it, with a partner that has physically let herself go to the point that I am no longer attractive, a partner that makes the actual act of wanting and having sex so onerous/tiresome, etc., then I am choosing porn and masturbation the overwhelming majority of the time.

I think porn can take away our desire to seek out sex...boring sex with a boring partner. And I think many confuse the impact of porn. Porn doesn't make me want to have less sex with a real woman. It makes me want to have more sex, personally. But the flip side of it is...it makes it easier to settle for less gratifying intercourse and takes away the need to do the dumb #### men did in the past to get some action from a woman who thinks her ###### is the golden goose and wants to wield it like a weapon or leverage over a guy.

Sorry chica, you are pushing two hundy and lay there on your back like a floor rug waiting for it to be over. Porn isn't making many guys dysfunctional lovers. Porn is just allowing them to catatonically coast through their miserable existence while simultaneously giving women another shiny object from which they can deflect blame and responsibility for their own short"cum"ings in the relationship.

There are a multitude of reasons for lack on intimacy in marriages. I just think porn is another glaring problem but everyone loves it so much they don't want to admit to themselves it may be a problem. Sort of like weed.

 

[TwinTurbo]

What he's trying to say is if there wasn't an alternative like porn maybe dudes would be more creative, romantic, something.

I don't necessarily agree but it's amazing some of you don't get his basic premise.

I get the basic premise but it's false under the scenario this thread is about. Sex addition and dysfuntion are very real problems as well but we aren't talking about that. We are talking about normal dudes that have a wife that doesn't ever want to be intimate. That particular problem predates the internet by countless milleniums.

As I stated previously, men will always want sex more frequently than women... but internet porn has exacerbated the issue. Just because men have always wanted more sex than women does not mean internet porn is not affecting intimacy in marriages and leading to even less sex than would be had otherwise.

You could replace the word porn with fast food, TV, or Candy Crush. All of these things are not the underlying issue. Also men do not always want sex more frequently than women.

You could make an equally baseless argument that porn saves failing marriages because the husband would have left or cheated otherwise.

 

[sublimeone]

What he's trying to say is if there wasn't an alternative like porn maybe dudes would be more creative, romantic, something.

I don't necessarily agree but it's amazing some of you don't get his basic premise.

I get the basic premise but it's false under the scenario this thread is about. Sex addition and dysfuntion are very real problems as well but we aren't talking about that. We are talking about normal dudes that have a wife that doesn't ever want to be intimate. That particular problem predates the internet by countless milleniums.

As I stated previously, men will always want sex more frequently than women... but internet porn has exacerbated the issue. Just because men have always wanted more sex than women does not mean internet porn is not affecting intimacy in marriages and leading to even less sex than would be had otherwise.

You could replace the word porn with fast food, TV, or Candy Crush. All of these things are not the underlying issue. Also men do not always want sex more frequently than women.

You could make an equally baseless argument that porn saves failing marriages because the husband would have left or cheated otherwise.

Porn is not the underlying issue 100% of the time, but is a lot of the time and to act as if it has the same impact on someones sex life as Candy Crush is delusional.

 

[mr roboto]

Actually porn can be subversive like FF or TV or facebook etc. all are false realities, escapism. They also shape our expectations and give us massive rewards very cheaply. Our brains LOVE massive rewards very cheaply. Relationships aren't like that.

 

[FUBAR]

It's a lot like settling for being out of shape, eating bad food, wasting time doing stupid stuff, settling for unsatisfying jobs, etc.

Part laziness, part convincing yourself it isn't that bad, part short sightedness.

 

[TwinTurbo]

What he's trying to say is if there wasn't an alternative like porn maybe dudes would be more creative, romantic, something.

I don't necessarily agree but it's amazing some of you don't get his basic premise.

I get the basic premise but it's false under the scenario this thread is about. Sex addition and dysfuntion are very real problems as well but we aren't talking about that. We are talking about normal dudes that have a wife that doesn't ever want to be intimate. That particular problem predates the internet by countless milleniums.

As I stated previously, men will always want sex more frequently than women... but internet porn has exacerbated the issue. Just because men have always wanted more sex than women does not mean internet porn is not affecting intimacy in marriages and leading to even less sex than would be had otherwise.

You could replace the word porn with fast food, TV, or Candy Crush. All of these things are not the underlying issue. Also men do not always want sex more frequently than women.

You could make an equally baseless argument that porn saves failing marriages because the husband would have left or cheated otherwise.

Porn is not the underlying issue 100% of the time, but is a lot of the time and to act as if it has the same impact on someones sex life as Candy Crush is delusional.

http://www.thedailyquarterly.com/articles/2014/03/25/man-sues-creators-of-candy-crush-saga-says-game-ruined-his-marriage/

There are countless other examples of video games being blamed for marital and relationship issues.

 

[sublimeone]

What he's trying to say is if there wasn't an alternative like porn maybe dudes would be more creative, romantic, something.

I don't necessarily agree but it's amazing some of you don't get his basic premise.

I get the basic premise but it's false under the scenario this thread is about. Sex addition and dysfuntion are very real problems as well but we aren't talking about that. We are talking about normal dudes that have a wife that doesn't ever want to be intimate. That particular problem predates the internet by countless milleniums.

As I stated previously, men will always want sex more frequently than women... but internet porn has exacerbated the issue. Just because men have always wanted more sex than women does not mean internet porn is not affecting intimacy in marriages and leading to even less sex than would be had otherwise.

You could replace the word porn with fast food, TV, or Candy Crush. All of these things are not the underlying issue. Also men do not always want sex more frequently than women.

You could make an equally baseless argument that porn saves failing marriages because the husband would have left or cheated otherwise.

Porn is not the underlying issue 100% of the time, but is a lot of the time and to act as if it has the same impact on someones sex life as Candy Crush is delusional.

http://www.thedailyquarterly.com/articles/2014/03/25/man-sues-creators-of-candy-crush-saga-says-game-ruined-his-marriage/

There are countless other examples of video games being blamed for marital and relationship issues.

 

[bucksoh]

How about this:

There are a whole bunch of things that can make a woman a "good/great" wife.

Most men look to find a woman with as many of these qualities as possible. But we all know that there is no such thing as the perfect woman.

In no particular order:

• Looks
• Makes money
• Good mom
• Body
• Healthy sex drive
• Good cook
• Great personality/Not a ballbuster
• Not materialistic
• Not batcrap crazy
• Doesn't blow money
• Fun to be with
• etc

I guess eventually many guys will settle for only a few of those still being true after several years of marriage.

I know I'm lucky cause my wife has all the qualities listed except cooking, and she is even better in that department.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

When I was a kid I jerked off to anything from Playboy playing cards to the Sears catalog. Porn has been around forever, I don't believe anything has changed other then the quality.

 

[Insein]

When I was a kid I jerked off to anything from Playboy playing cards to the Sears catalog. Porn has been around forever, I don't believe anything has changed other then the quality.

I do think the ease of access has changes. Kids these days don't even have to try. Girls just send them pics on their phones. Wtf man.

 

[Courtjester]

Oh dear god, you guys are still going on about this?

As posted before in this thread, there is no "one model fits all here."

My wife and I have been together for 25 years (married 21). We were friends in high school--got married when we were 20. Waited 10 years to have kids to sow our wild oats and get our college/careers on track. While we were dating and before we had our two kids, my wife was very sexual, after--not so much--it would be an understatement to say we have fought about this, but as a whole, our life is great.

My wife is my best friend. We are great parents to our two kids. We enjoy the same things. She deals with my faults and I deal with her's. Could the sex be more frequent? Sure. But we are both 45 and I understand that in this screwed up world, finding the happiness we have is rare. My parents are on the cusp of their 60th anniversary and her parents, their 55th.

I agree that a spouse being unwilling to have sex at all probably reveals a much bigger issue, but gosh, I only got it 2 times last month equals end of the world?

Maybe I am weird, but I will take a great family night of pizza and board games over any night of sex any day. ANYONE can have sex--but to find someone you love and are happy with? That takes work.

 

[tdoss]

While we were dating and before we had our two kids, my wife was very sexual, after--not so much--it would be an understatement to say we have fought about this, but as a whole, our life is great.

[sublimeone] - "You must've found some porn or something."

 

[jamny]

You don't "sow your wild oats" while you're married.

Unless you were swingers, I guess.

 

[Archer]

I feel guilty for the great wife I lucked into marrying after reading this thread. Truly, my biggest complaint is that she doesn't watch my crappy Redskins with me in the home theater. She is a great mom, cook, cleans, and gives me the goods whenever I ask (and many times I don't have to) we are best friends and love the chit out of our kids. I can't complain about anything.

 

[Tom Skerritt]

How about this:

There are a whole bunch of things that can make a woman a "good/great" wife.

Most men look to find a woman with as many of these qualities as possible. But we all know that there is no such thing as the perfect woman.

In no particular order:

• Looks
• Makes money
• Good mom
• Body
• Healthy sex drive
• Good cook
• Great personality/Not a ballbuster
• Not materialistic
• Not batcrap crazy
• Doesn't blow money
• Fun to be with
• etc

I guess eventually many guys will settle for only a few of those still being true after several years of marriage.

It's a good thing that wife possesses all of these qualities right?

 

[Wingnut]

Man...reading this thread makes me glad I never married or had kids.

I did however, have teh secks with 3 different women in the last 2 weeks that Ive met via online dating sites. This was after a 3 month drought though, so its not like I'm constantly slaying strange...that said, I'm pretty happy with my life. No alimony, no child support, no worries.

That is all. Carry on. This post is more of a black dot than a contribution to the topic. I just wanted to let you married guys to know that its pretty easy to get laid these days if you're single and not a complete troll.

 

[Sabertooth]

Not true that sex always wins over porn. Depends on a lot of factors.

I agree with Ray. I am lucky that I still find myself attracted to my wife. But I know guys whose wives put on 100+ pounds after marriage.

 

[Bucky86]

If my gf and I haven't had sex for a week, I just lay in bed and poke her in the butt until she gets the hint. Does this work for married folks?

 

[Tom Servo]

It also seems based on the flawed premise that these are the only two choices once you get into bed- sex or reading- and that sex is what you're remember when you're old and look back on your marriage. My wife and I fool around once a week, maybe twice if she got a nap or there's a hot intern at my office or something, and maybe less if things are busy or one of us isn't feeling 100%. But I'm not gonna remember any of our sex when I'm old. I'm also not gonna remember reading a book. I'm gonna remember getting in bed with her and sharing stories of all the hilarious things our kids did that day, or dreaming on our next home, or chatting about current events or the TV show we just watched or whatever. We don't need to get intimacy from something we both did probably thousands of times with many other people before we met, we get intimacy from sharing our lives in a way neither of us have done with anyone else. As long as we're getting enough sex to feel physically close and to not be tempted to wander, that's all we need.

You look at it differently, which is cool. It's awesome that it works for you. But there's more than one path to happiness

That's the point I was trying to make.

 

[Tom Servo]

Did G. Gordon Liddy actually say; Life is not 24/7 busting your nut.

I heard him tell a female caller once that sex is just one part of a relationship; that there has to be communication, shared interests, etc. I was paraphrasing.

 

[(HULK)]

I feel guilty for the great wife I lucked into marrying after reading this thread. Truly, my biggest complaint is that she doesn't watch my crappy Redskins with me in the home theater. She is a great mom, cook, cleans, and gives me the goods whenever I ask (and many times I don't have to) we are best friends and love the chit out of our kids. I can't complain about anything.

My wife is a lifelong Redskins fan and she stopped watching games after we had kids. It probably has more to do with the team's performance than anything else though.

 

[Sabertooth]

If my gf and I haven't had sex for a week, I just lay in bed and poke her in the butt until she gets the hint. Does this work for married folks?

If the guys have the stones to try it, yeah it does to some extent.

The problem is men get so conditioned by being turned down they don't initiate sex with any kind of mojo at all. They ask for sex, beg for sex, try to reason and logic their way into their wives. Generally this is a turn off for women. I've done some pretty crazy initiations in the past. Just walk into the room naked and ready to party while she's laying on the bed watching tv. Not even a word.

Guys who don't get bjs, have you tried just putting yourself right in her face, like an inch away? You'd be surprised but your wife still remembers what to do. I've read a lot about this stuff and tried a lot in practice, and it is amazing what works. It's almost counter intuitive.

 

[Payne]

sublimeone is absolutely correct in what he is trying to say.

Don't believe him? Give up porn all together for a week or two and see what happens.

 

[Sabertooth]

Did G. Gordon Liddy actually say; Life is not 24/7 busting your nut.

I heard him tell a female caller once that sex is just one part of a relationship; that there has to be communication, shared interests, etc. I was paraphrasing.

Of course there is a lot to it. I am 41. My sex drive isn't what it once was for sure. But to be honest I am not interested in a marriage without sex. It's the ultimate form of rejection. It's rejecting you as a person. Rejecting your seed. Rejecting your primal essence. Most nice husbands with wives who withhold sex would never dream of making their wife eat plain oatmeal for dinner when there is lobster in the fridge. And yet, their wives have it within their ability to make their husbands lives boatloads better by giving up 10 minutes 3 times a week and they just refuse to do it. They'd rather watch TV.

Think about that. That's where the hurt comes from.

 

[James Daulton]

Oh dear god, you guys are still going on about this?

As posted before in this thread, there is no "one model fits all here."

My wife and I have been together for 25 years (married 21). We were friends in high school--got married when we were 20. Waited 10 years to have kids to sow our wild oats and get our college/careers on track. While we were dating and before we had our two kids, my wife was very sexual, after--not so much--it would be an understatement to say we have fought about this, but as a whole, our life is great.

My wife is my best friend. We are great parents to our two kids. We enjoy the same things. She deals with my faults and I deal with her's. Could the sex be more frequent? Sure. But we are both 45 and I understand that in this screwed up world, finding the happiness we have is rare. My parents are on the cusp of their 60th anniversary and her parents, their 55th.

I agree that a spouse being unwilling to have sex at all probably reveals a much bigger issue, but gosh, I only got it 2 times last month equals end of the world?

Maybe I am weird, but I will take a great family night of pizza and board games over any night of sex any day. ANYONE can have sex--but to find someone you love and are happy with? That takes work.

You may want to get your testosterone checked. I agree that both activities have their place, but to take board games over sex any day?

And I'll reiterate, if something happened and you found yourself with a new woman (same age) I'm certain that the sex would be off the charts at least for the first few years. Why does the sex have to dry up and basically go away (other than physical problems) just because we've been with the woman for a long time and we're getting older? And I'm talking about like once a month or less frequently for dudes 40+.

 

[jamny]

What percentage of these sexual issues happen after having kids. It's crazy.

So glad we never had kids. I would probably be in the same boat as some of you guys.

 

[popsecret]

I feel guilty for the great wife I lucked into marrying after reading this thread. Truly, my biggest complaint is that she doesn't watch my crappy Redskins with me in the home theater. She is a great mom, cook, cleans, and gives me the goods whenever I ask (and many times I don't have to) we are best friends and love the chit out of our kids. I can't complain about anything.

My wife is a lifelong Redskins fan and she stopped watching games after we had kids. It probably has more to do with the team's performance than anything else though.

Nah it probably has to do with her getting comfortable and putting less effort into bonding with you

 

[Sweet J]

Are you guys free to see other people? Are you allowed to have sex outside the marriage or would she divorce you if she found out you were?

I made that mistake a long time ago. Compounded the problems and pretty much damaged things beyond all repair.

Technically we were separated but the wife doesn't care or acknowledge that fact. I still regret it and would discourage anyone from doing it.

Are you sure we aren't the same person?