Wife uses sex as a weapon (1 Viewer)

[Walton Goggins]

LOTS of people change dramatically after they get married down the road. That's a fact. You can't possibly know that your spouse won't check out of a marriage at any given moment. Then again, I am fairly confident that many husbands thought the same way as you did at one point in their marriage, I certainly did.

Lots of people do not change dramatically after marrieage. That's a fact. And change isn't always bad anyway as long as both sides are on board. That's also a fact. And you make "checking out of marriage" sound like it happens all the sudden and suprises the other spouse ("at any given moment"). WTF? Is your marriage some kind of murder mystery or something? If that's how you describe then you're doing it wrong. Certainly there are marriages that just don't work out but getting blind-sided by your spouse is a sign that you weren't paying attention.

I'll go ahead a bold this for ya.

 

[Walton Goggins]

This thread isn't very encouraging for guys contemplating taking the plunge.

I disagree. This thread makes me realize all over again just how lucky I am to have picked the right girl.Oh and I'm also lucky to have learned a couple things about women in my relationships. This thread is evidence that a lot of guys haven't.

Just guessing but I'd say the most vocal guys posting in this thread are divorced or about to be. Just a guess there. So reading their posts and taking them for complete truth could definitely make someone unsure about marriage.Not saying they're lying but there are relationships out there that work believe or not.

But I also am definitely thankful to have done my research on my wife pre-marriage. There have been zero surprises regarding her personality. Funny cuz people always say you learn so much more about your spouse after you are married. That's just crazy talk to me that someone would get into a marriage and be surprised by something their spouse did. She was on birth control and that didn't affect her. But I know there's been wives out there who have become very different because of drugs. But again, do your research.

You and the majority of people I know. Again, there are two people in a marriage so you're naive to think doing enough research will mean the other person will never dramatically change down the road. If a man is dating a woman and she doesn't really like sex and gets married that's a completely different thing that there's a natural healthy sexual intimate relationship then after marriage that dramatically changes.

 

[Walton Goggins]

So, for those of you guys that are having these problems, were there signs early on in your relationships before being married that something like this could happen down the road? I find it hard to believe any of you married someone that wasn't having sex with you.

I've only been in my relationship for two years, but my sex life is outstanding. There aren't any boundaries. She initiates, I initiate. I have a hard time envisioning a scenario where wedding cake makes that part of your life just stop.

That's kind of the reason I made the post earlier in the thread that you have to continue to show genuine interest in your wife once you're married. Did the husband become complacent and stop showing affection, which caused the wife to become less interested in sex, or did wifey really just decide she doesn't want it anymore? I seriously doubt it was the latter.

Sweet J made a post earlier in the thread where he posed a hypothetical about him getting hit buy a bus, and then asked his wife if she'd look elsewhere for sex in that scenario. She said yes, so obviously she's still interested in sex, but not with him. Why? If you married guys got divorced, don't you think your wives would be out looking for other men? They certainly would be.

I get that there is a lot going on in everyone's lives. Work, kids, family, etc., but there has to be room for some romance too. Today's woman needs that. Everyone likes that feeling of excitement, spontaneity. It may not be logical or reasonable with the other rigors of life, but that's how they are, and if we decide to marry them we have to live up to our part of the bargain as well. I'd also assume that you genuinely love your wife if you marry them, and you would want to show them that affection.

I guess I just don't agree with the notion that because your wife married you, she's obligated to sleep with you. It just goes so much deeper than that. Forever is definitely a long time, and it's important to keep it interesting.

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

 

[Walton Goggins]

I would say people change after marriage, many for the worse, some for the better. My dad and stepmom have a marriage that has gotten better over time, not worse.

As for doing my "research" before marriage, I thought I had, but maybe I was fooled. My wife and I had a great sex life when dating. Our joke was that our restaurant was IHOP, because it was the only thing still open after our dates started by heading straight to the bed for the sechs. She had been married before (this is my first marriage) and I knew that her husband left her for someone he worked with. She talked about how "he wanted sex every day, twice a day" and that "once or twice a week was not enough for him." Maybe this should have been a red flag, maybe not. We were doing fine as a couple in all aspects of our relationship, so I just wrote it off as bad chemistry between them and was ready for a lifetime of "once or twice a week." I guess I was wrong, really wrong.

Before we were married, she suggested a two-month "break" from sex to make the wedding night seem more special. I agreed without hesitation. She brought this up during our conversation last week that I should have seen this as a sign. I honestly did not see it as anything more than something my spouse wanted to do to try and make her big day as magical as possible.

Maybe I'm the fool here, and I still hope and prey that things can be fixed, but doubt is creeping in more and more daily. May 12th can't get here soon enough.

Sorry. She sounds like a selfish *****. She clearly isn't ready to be a grown up, be in a true relationship and care for someone else. I'd be pretty astounded if she was anything close to a good mother instead of just one of those women that does everything to show off her kids to make her look good. It's also painfully obvious that she is one of those stereotypical woman that have been talked about here that only use sex to get what they want while dating. She hooked you. No need for her to work at it anymore. I'm willing to bet that if you called her exhusband and ask him what happened it would be identical to what you are dealing with now. I'd file for divorce now and save yourself the 3 years of trying to make it work you are leaning towards. And as a general rule I don't suggest divorce at all. For religous reasons mainly, but I beleive in that oath you take and working at it to make it work. But in the end, you can't get a garden to grow if all you have to work with is limestone rock. Good luck whatever happens.

That's really the main point in all of this. Someone who isn't willing to grow up out of her princess stage and wake up to the real world. Women like that want to live in a fantasy princess world and will NEVER be happy.

 

[Walton Goggins]

Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

Not according to Goggins. LOTS of marriages end because the husband is doing everything right and the wife catches him totally off-guard with some random, spur-of-the-moment, radical personality shift.

That part is definitely right, then again, as I've stated in multiple posts there are two people in a marriage so doing everything right doesn't mean squat if she isn't on board and wanting a normal, healthy, intimate marriage.

 

[Dr. Gobbler]

You're better off going gay. At least you'll have plenty of the sechs.

 

[Pick]

Newsflash: the majority of men who pick their soon to be wife think they've picked the right girl. Hope that never changes for you.

Picking the right girl is only half of it, if that.Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

Exactly. I can't think of a single divorced friend whose wife suddenly became crazy. They all started out crazy - my buddies just found creative ways to ignore the evidence.

 

[Pick]

LOTS of people change dramatically after they get married down the road. That's a fact. You can't possibly know that your spouse won't check out of a marriage at any given moment. Then again, I am fairly confident that many husbands thought the same way as you did at one point in their marriage, I certainly did.

Lots of people do not change dramatically after marrieage. That's a fact. And change isn't always bad anyway as long as both sides are on board. That's also a fact. And you make "checking out of marriage" sound like it happens all the sudden and suprises the other spouse ("at any given moment"). WTF? Is your marriage some kind of murder mystery or something? If that's how you describe then you're doing it wrong. Certainly there are marriages that just don't work out but getting blind-sided by your spouse is a sign that you weren't paying attention.

I'll go ahead a bold this for ya.

Thanks, Sport. You'll see there I said "Lots". And you took that and ran with "Pick says no one changes!!!" from the housetops like some lunatic. It's not the same thing. Also, if you read past that quote (I bolded it for you buddy) you'll see I address the presence of change right after.So sorry, you're wrong here. And it's a moot point anyway but you obviously have such a burr up your ### about me you're stuck in spinland. Let me know if/when you get past that.

 

[Pick]

there are two people in a marriage so you're naive to think doing enough research will mean the other person will never dramatically change down the road.

Agreed. The better your research the less that will happen. But there are some things you just can't foresee how the wife will react (pregnancy and mothering to name a few).However, what I don't buy is that these dramatic changes happen overnight and spouses are suddenly surprised they don't know the person they are married to. The signs are there. I'm not even saying the problems can be fixed every time. Certainly, identifying signs helps a ton and can lead to early problem-solving. But again, my contention is these dramatic changes don't happen overnight (except maybe with drugs or some such).

 

[Pick]

Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

Not according to Goggins. LOTS of marriages end because the husband is doing everything right and the wife catches him totally off-guard with some random, spur-of-the-moment, radical personality shift.

That part is definitely right, then again, as I've stated in multiple posts there are two people in a marriage so doing everything right doesn't mean squat if she isn't on board and wanting a normal, healthy, intimate marriage.

Taking a part of a statement out of context again? What a surprise. I don't think it's possible for a husband to be doing everything right and get caught off-guard by some overnight personality shift (assuming most women don't start off as psychos). Not saying he can stop the wife from going psycho. But to say it caught him by surprise is to say he isn't very in tcuch with his wife and therefore wasn't doing everything right. Or maybe he ignored the signs or whatever.

 

[Pick]

I would say people change after marriage, many for the worse, some for the better. My dad and stepmom have a marriage that has gotten better over time, not worse.

As for doing my "research" before marriage, I thought I had, but maybe I was fooled. My wife and I had a great sex life when dating. Our joke was that our restaurant was IHOP, because it was the only thing still open after our dates started by heading straight to the bed for the sechs. She had been married before (this is my first marriage) and I knew that her husband left her for someone he worked with. She talked about how "he wanted sex every day, twice a day" and that "once or twice a week was not enough for him." Maybe this should have been a red flag, maybe not. We were doing fine as a couple in all aspects of our relationship, so I just wrote it off as bad chemistry between them and was ready for a lifetime of "once or twice a week." I guess I was wrong, really wrong.

Before we were married, she suggested a two-month "break" from sex to make the wedding night seem more special. I agreed without hesitation. She brought this up during our conversation last week that I should have seen this as a sign. I honestly did not see it as anything more than something my spouse wanted to do to try and make her big day as magical as possible.

Maybe I'm the fool here, and I still hope and prey that things can be fixed, but doubt is creeping in more and more daily. May 12th can't get here soon enough.

Sorry. She sounds like a selfish *****. She clearly isn't ready to be a grown up, be in a true relationship and care for someone else. I'd be pretty astounded if she was anything close to a good mother instead of just one of those women that does everything to show off her kids to make her look good. It's also painfully obvious that she is one of those stereotypical woman that have been talked about here that only use sex to get what they want while dating. She hooked you. No need for her to work at it anymore. I'm willing to bet that if you called her exhusband and ask him what happened it would be identical to what you are dealing with now. I'd file for divorce now and save yourself the 3 years of trying to make it work you are leaning towards. And as a general rule I don't suggest divorce at all. For religous reasons mainly, but I beleive in that oath you take and working at it to make it work. But in the end, you can't get a garden to grow if all you have to work with is limestone rock. Good luck whatever happens.

That's really the main point in all of this. Someone who isn't willing to grow up out of her princess stage and wake up to the real world. Women like that want to live in a fantasy princess world and will NEVER be happy.

I agree with that. And I find you can see the majority of those types from a mile away.

 

[Grahamburn]

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

Actually, I was assuming the opposite. It's not logical and reasonable for a wife to expect her husband to continue treating her like he did when they were dating (at least all the time), especially when the rigors of life get in the way. My point is that we need to understand that today's woman does expect us to continue treating them that way even after we're married regardless, and if we choose to marry them in spite of knowing all of this information, that's on us.I am a rookie though, and I might be looking at being called up to the bigs soon. Hopefully I'm not way off base in thinking that my future wife won't lose interest in me if I continue to show my love and compassion for her.

How long have you lived together?

About six days now. We've had a great two years and are taking the next step. It's basically a trial run. I can't imagine marrying someone unless I was positive I could live with them on a daily basis. I wonder how many of the guys having issues with their wives lived with the future spouse for a while (2 years+ is my plan) first? You can, and will, learn a lot about a person when you live with them.

 

[Exit 1]

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

Actually, I was assuming the opposite. It's not logical and reasonable for a wife to expect her husband to continue treating her like he did when they were dating (at least all the time), especially when the rigors of life get in the way. My point is that we need to understand that today's woman does expect us to continue treating them that way even after we're married regardless, and if we choose to marry them in spite of knowing all of this information, that's on us.I am a rookie though, and I might be looking at being called up to the bigs soon. Hopefully I'm not way off base in thinking that my future wife won't lose interest in me if I continue to show my love and compassion for her.

How long have you lived together?

About six days now. We've had a great two years and are taking the next step. It's basically a trial run. I can't imagine marrying someone unless I was positive I could live with them on a daily basis. I wonder how many of the guys having issues with their wives lived with the future spouse for a while (2 years+ is my plan) first? You can, and will, learn a lot about a person when you live with them.

Oh yeah, man, you're in for a huge wake up call. It will start with both of you coming home telling each other about your day. And then, you'll say something like "Susie in accounting was telling the whole office about her trip to Jamaica...sounds like a nice place." And BOOM...the seed will be now planted in your chick's head that she should keep an eye on Susie so whenever you say another word about Susie....BAM....you're cheating or want to have sexy time with Susie. Have you two talked about pooping arrangements? Will she close the door or give you a heads up when she is going?Also, I know you talked in the past about owning a BMW what to do with some money you ran into (what to pay off and what not)....have you thought about a prenup? Does she have money?These all things to think about.

 

[Pick]

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

Actually, I was assuming the opposite. It's not logical and reasonable for a wife to expect her husband to continue treating her like he did when they were dating (at least all the time), especially when the rigors of life get in the way. My point is that we need to understand that today's woman does expect us to continue treating them that way even after we're married regardless, and if we choose to marry them in spite of knowing all of this information, that's on us.I am a rookie though, and I might be looking at being called up to the bigs soon. Hopefully I'm not way off base in thinking that my future wife won't lose interest in me if I continue to show my love and compassion for her.

How long have you lived together?

About six days now. We've had a great two years and are taking the next step. It's basically a trial run. I can't imagine marrying someone unless I was positive I could live with them on a daily basis. I wonder how many of the guys having issues with their wives lived with the future spouse for a while (2 years+ is my plan) first? You can, and will, learn a lot about a person when you live with them.

We did not live together but dated for several years.

 

[Pick]

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

Actually, I was assuming the opposite. It's not logical and reasonable for a wife to expect her husband to continue treating her like he did when they were dating (at least all the time), especially when the rigors of life get in the way. My point is that we need to understand that today's woman does expect us to continue treating them that way even after we're married regardless, and if we choose to marry them in spite of knowing all of this information, that's on us.I am a rookie though, and I might be looking at being called up to the bigs soon. Hopefully I'm not way off base in thinking that my future wife won't lose interest in me if I continue to show my love and compassion for her.

How long have you lived together?

About six days now. We've had a great two years and are taking the next step. It's basically a trial run. I can't imagine marrying someone unless I was positive I could live with them on a daily basis. I wonder how many of the guys having issues with their wives lived with the future spouse for a while (2 years+ is my plan) first? You can, and will, learn a lot about a person when you live with them.

Oh yeah, man, you're in for a huge wake up call. It will start with both of you coming home telling each other about your day. And then, you'll say something like "Susie in accounting was telling the whole office about her trip to Jamaica...sounds like a nice place." And BOOM...the seed will be now planted in your chick's head that she should keep an eye on Susie so whenever you say another word about Susie....BAM....you're cheating or want to have sexy time with Susie. Have you two talked about pooping arrangements? Will she close the door or give you a heads up when she is going?Also, I know you talked in the past about owning a BMW what to do with some money you ran into (what to pay off and what not)....have you thought about a prenup? Does she have money?These all things to think about.

I kept waiting for that kind of stuff but it never happened.

 

[[icon]]

This thread was like Pick catnip

 

[Angry Cheesehead]

Newsflash: the majority of men who pick their soon to be wife think they've picked the right girl. Hope that never changes for you.

Picking the right girl is only half of it, if that.Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

This is SO true. As someone that got into a toxic relationship, got married, was unhappy, made bad choices, tried to turn things around, and ultimately lost it all...This is so ridiculously dead on! Warning signs are real. If you are concerned with something, don't ignore it or assume that it will go away or get better after marriage. More than likely, it won't. Instead, try some real communication and see if these worrisome factors can be worked out before marriage. This goes for both sexes. If either partner is hesitant or outright refuses to discuss/work on the issues....it's simply not going to work. If you choose to go through with it anyway, you have no one to blame but yourself.

 

[Grahamburn]

Also, I know you talked in the past about owning a BMW what to do with some money you ran into (what to pay off and what not)....have you thought about a prenup? Does she have money?

These all things to think about.

I have a few assets, nothing major. House, couple cars, investments. She's career oriented, ambitious, makes good money, and has solid earning potential for the future. There isn't any "housewife" in this girl. We've discussed finances quite a bit, done some budgeting, and because we've recently combined incomes we've decided to get a joint account together to save for our future in addition to our retirement accounts.

The money I have is going toward eliminating debt and retirement accounts. I hadn't really thought about a prenup in depth yet. I'm still looking a couple years down the road before proposing.

Neither one of us are too enamored right now with the idea of having kids either, so I guess that'd be one less thing to worry about that could negatively impact our sex life. Of course, that could change in the future. Who knows? The main cause of divorce in this country seems to be money problems, which is usually caused by paying for your kids. Dual income, no kids sounds like a recipe for success to me.

I had been an advocate for nomarriage.com for a long, long time, but sometimes you meet someone that you know you can't live without, and you realize that making the ultimate committment is important.

As great as being single while in my prime for the next 15-20 years sounds, I'm willing to give up my "free-agent penis" to grow old with someone I care about. I've been playing the field for the last 10. It's not all that great really.

I feel bad for the married guys that can't get laid, and the bitter divorced guys that hate their ex-wives, but I can't assume that'll happen to me. I'll just be aware of any red flags and do my best to keep my girl happy.

 

[Bull Dozier]

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

Actually, I was assuming the opposite. It's not logical and reasonable for a wife to expect her husband to continue treating her like he did when they were dating (at least all the time), especially when the rigors of life get in the way. My point is that we need to understand that today's woman does expect us to continue treating them that way even after we're married regardless, and if we choose to marry them in spite of knowing all of this information, that's on us.

I am a rookie though, and I might be looking at being called up to the bigs soon. Hopefully I'm not way off base in thinking that my future wife won't lose interest in me if I continue to show my love and compassion for her.

How long have you lived together?

About six days now. We've had a great two years and are taking the next step. It's basically a trial run. I can't imagine marrying someone unless I was positive I could live with them on a daily basis.

I wonder how many of the guys having issues with their wives lived with the future spouse for a while (2 years+ is my plan) first? You can, and will, learn a lot about a person when you live with them.

Big mistake. From what I remember from psyc class, you've just doomed yourself. Going into this step of the relationship, you're going in looking for issues. You're telling yourself you don't have to put up with unpleasant differences, because you can back out. There's a reason relationships where the couple lives together before marriage end at a much higher rate than those that don't.Moving in only after your married, you're going in with the mentality that no matter what living with them is like. You're making the commitment before you know what you're getting in to, you know, for better or worse.

 

[eoMMan]

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

Actually, I was assuming the opposite. It's not logical and reasonable for a wife to expect her husband to continue treating her like he did when they were dating (at least all the time), especially when the rigors of life get in the way. My point is that we need to understand that today's woman does expect us to continue treating them that way even after we're married regardless, and if we choose to marry them in spite of knowing all of this information, that's on us.

I am a rookie though, and I might be looking at being called up to the bigs soon. Hopefully I'm not way off base in thinking that my future wife won't lose interest in me if I continue to show my love and compassion for her.

How long have you lived together?

About six days now. We've had a great two years and are taking the next step. It's basically a trial run. I can't imagine marrying someone unless I was positive I could live with them on a daily basis.

I wonder how many of the guys having issues with their wives lived with the future spouse for a while (2 years+ is my plan) first? You can, and will, learn a lot about a person when you live with them.

Big mistake. From what I remember from psyc class, you've just doomed yourself. Going into this step of the relationship, you're going in looking for issues. You're telling yourself you don't have to put up with unpleasant differences, because you can back out. There's a reason relationships where the couple lives together before marriage end at a much higher rate than those that don't.Moving in only after your married, you're going in with the mentality that no matter what living with them is like. You're making the commitment before you know what you're getting in to, you know, for better or worse.

I couldn't disagree more. You really don't know a person until you live with them.

 

[Pick]

This thread was like Pick catnip

And I am like [icon] catnip

 

[Pick]

Newsflash: the majority of men who pick their soon to be wife think they've picked the right girl. Hope that never changes for you.

Picking the right girl is only half of it, if that.Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

This is SO true. As someone that got into a toxic relationship, got married, was unhappy, made bad choices, tried to turn things around, and ultimately lost it all...This is so ridiculously dead on! Warning signs are real. If you are concerned with something, don't ignore it or assume that it will go away or get better after marriage. More than likely, it won't. Instead, try some real communication and see if these worrisome factors can be worked out before marriage. This goes for both sexes. If either partner is hesitant or outright refuses to discuss/work on the issues....it's simply not going to work. If you choose to go through with it anyway, you have no one to blame but yourself.

 

[Grahamburn]

Big mistake. From what I remember from psyc class, you've just doomed yourself. Going into this step of the relationship, you're going in looking for issues. You're telling yourself you don't have to put up with unpleasant differences, because you can back out. There's a reason relationships where the couple lives together before marriage end at a much higher rate than those that don't.

Moving in only after your married, you're going in with the mentality that no matter what living with them is like. You're making the commitment before you know what you're getting in to, you know, for better or worse.

Yeah, no thanks. I'm pretty sure I'd rather end up dealing with a break-up instead of a divorce if I find out we can't cohabitate. If we end up married it'll be because this phase of our relationship went extremely well.

 

[Walton Goggins]

I would say people change after marriage, many for the worse, some for the better. My dad and stepmom have a marriage that has gotten better over time, not worse.

As for doing my "research" before marriage, I thought I had, but maybe I was fooled. My wife and I had a great sex life when dating. Our joke was that our restaurant was IHOP, because it was the only thing still open after our dates started by heading straight to the bed for the sechs. She had been married before (this is my first marriage) and I knew that her husband left her for someone he worked with. She talked about how "he wanted sex every day, twice a day" and that "once or twice a week was not enough for him." Maybe this should have been a red flag, maybe not. We were doing fine as a couple in all aspects of our relationship, so I just wrote it off as bad chemistry between them and was ready for a lifetime of "once or twice a week." I guess I was wrong, really wrong.

Before we were married, she suggested a two-month "break" from sex to make the wedding night seem more special. I agreed without hesitation. She brought this up during our conversation last week that I should have seen this as a sign. I honestly did not see it as anything more than something my spouse wanted to do to try and make her big day as magical as possible.

Maybe I'm the fool here, and I still hope and prey that things can be fixed, but doubt is creeping in more and more daily. May 12th can't get here soon enough.

Sorry. She sounds like a selfish *****. She clearly isn't ready to be a grown up, be in a true relationship and care for someone else. I'd be pretty astounded if she was anything close to a good mother instead of just one of those women that does everything to show off her kids to make her look good. It's also painfully obvious that she is one of those stereotypical woman that have been talked about here that only use sex to get what they want while dating. She hooked you. No need for her to work at it anymore. I'm willing to bet that if you called her exhusband and ask him what happened it would be identical to what you are dealing with now. I'd file for divorce now and save yourself the 3 years of trying to make it work you are leaning towards. And as a general rule I don't suggest divorce at all. For religous reasons mainly, but I beleive in that oath you take and working at it to make it work. But in the end, you can't get a garden to grow if all you have to work with is limestone rock. Good luck whatever happens.

That's really the main point in all of this. Someone who isn't willing to grow up out of her princess stage and wake up to the real world. Women like that want to live in a fantasy princess world and will NEVER be happy.

I agree with that. And I find you can see the majority of those types from a mile away.

I definitely can then again since I don't want to get married again it doesn't really matter as long as we have fun together and I know it'll never get to marriage stage.

 

[Stinkin Ref]

Before we were married, she suggested a two-month "break" from sex to make the wedding night seem more special. I agreed without hesitation. She brought this up during our conversation last week that I should have seen this as a sign. I honestly did not see it as anything more than something my spouse wanted to do to try and make her big day as magical as possible.

jesus :(

this jumped out at me right away as well and I am surprised it is not getting more play.....this is her basically admitting that the whole no sex thing later was premeditated.....

the case of having sex with you ahead of time to get you reeled in cause women know that that is what men want....and she had every intention of slowing down/stopping after getting you to marry her......don't mean to say it, but this tells me she may not have even loved you in the first place.....but it could have been you or anybody else, so not an attack on you here....you were just a body to fill the role of a husband so she could say she was married.....

had she said that to me......my #### would have been packed and gone for a few nights within the hour.....

 

[Pick]

I would say people change after marriage, many for the worse, some for the better. My dad and stepmom have a marriage that has gotten better over time, not worse.

As for doing my "research" before marriage, I thought I had, but maybe I was fooled. My wife and I had a great sex life when dating. Our joke was that our restaurant was IHOP, because it was the only thing still open after our dates started by heading straight to the bed for the sechs. She had been married before (this is my first marriage) and I knew that her husband left her for someone he worked with. She talked about how "he wanted sex every day, twice a day" and that "once or twice a week was not enough for him." Maybe this should have been a red flag, maybe not. We were doing fine as a couple in all aspects of our relationship, so I just wrote it off as bad chemistry between them and was ready for a lifetime of "once or twice a week." I guess I was wrong, really wrong.

Before we were married, she suggested a two-month "break" from sex to make the wedding night seem more special. I agreed without hesitation. She brought this up during our conversation last week that I should have seen this as a sign. I honestly did not see it as anything more than something my spouse wanted to do to try and make her big day as magical as possible.

Maybe I'm the fool here, and I still hope and prey that things can be fixed, but doubt is creeping in more and more daily. May 12th can't get here soon enough.

Sorry. She sounds like a selfish *****. She clearly isn't ready to be a grown up, be in a true relationship and care for someone else. I'd be pretty astounded if she was anything close to a good mother instead of just one of those women that does everything to show off her kids to make her look good. It's also painfully obvious that she is one of those stereotypical woman that have been talked about here that only use sex to get what they want while dating. She hooked you. No need for her to work at it anymore. I'm willing to bet that if you called her exhusband and ask him what happened it would be identical to what you are dealing with now. I'd file for divorce now and save yourself the 3 years of trying to make it work you are leaning towards. And as a general rule I don't suggest divorce at all. For religous reasons mainly, but I beleive in that oath you take and working at it to make it work. But in the end, you can't get a garden to grow if all you have to work with is limestone rock. Good luck whatever happens.

That's really the main point in all of this. Someone who isn't willing to grow up out of her princess stage and wake up to the real world. Women like that want to live in a fantasy princess world and will NEVER be happy.

I agree with that. And I find you can see the majority of those types from a mile away.

I definitely can then again since I don't want to get married again it doesn't really matter as long as we have fun together and I know it'll never get to marriage stage.

 

[Walton Goggins]

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

Actually, I was assuming the opposite. It's not logical and reasonable for a wife to expect her husband to continue treating her like he did when they were dating (at least all the time), especially when the rigors of life get in the way. My point is that we need to understand that today's woman does expect us to continue treating them that way even after we're married regardless, and if we choose to marry them in spite of knowing all of this information, that's on us.I am a rookie though, and I might be looking at being called up to the bigs soon. Hopefully I'm not way off base in thinking that my future wife won't lose interest in me if I continue to show my love and compassion for her.

How long have you lived together?

About six days now. We've had a great two years and are taking the next step. It's basically a trial run. I can't imagine marrying someone unless I was positive I could live with them on a daily basis. I wonder how many of the guys having issues with their wives lived with the future spouse for a while (2 years+ is my plan) first? You can, and will, learn a lot about a person when you live with them.

This was taken from 87 but heard recently that the divorce rate was higher for people who lived together firsthttp://www.nytimes.com/1987/12/07/us/divorce-may-be-the-price-of-living-together-first.htmlDivorce May Be the Price of Living Together FirstCouples who lived together before marrying have nearly an 80 percent higher divorce rate than those who did not and they seem to have less regard for the institution, according to a study of Swedish women by the National Bureau of Economic Research here.''We are not saying in any way that cohabiting causes higher divorce rates,'' said Neil Bennett, who teaches sociology at Yale University and is one of three authors of the report.''What we are saying is that it appears that people who cohabit premaritally are less committed to the institution and are more inclined to divorce than people who don't live together,'' Mr. Bennett said in an interview. He stressed that the study did not indicate that living together before marriage doomed a relationship.The study was based on a 1981 survey of 4,996 Swedish women, ''Women in Sweden.'' Interviews were conducted with 4,300 of the respondents who were 20 to 44 years old and included both those who had lived with their spouses before marriage and those who had not.This was from 2008Here are some statistics on living together before marriage from Michael McManus, author of the book Marriage Savers. Statistically speaking, living together is not a trial of marriage, but rather a training for divorce. * The number of unmarried couples living together soared 12-fold from 430,000 in 1960 to 5.4 million in 2005. * More than eight out of ten couples who live together will break up either before the wedding or afterwards in divorce. * About 45 percent of those who begin cohabiting, do not marry. Another 5-10 percent continue living together and do not marry. * Couples who do marry after living together are 50% more likely to divorce than those who did not. * Only 12 percent of couples who have begun their relationship with cohabitation end up with a marriage lasting 10 years or more. * A Penn State study reports that even a month’s cohabitation decreases the quality of the couple’s relationship.Here are some more statistics relating to the children of cohabiting parents. * Children of cohabiting parents are ten times more likely to be sexually abused by a stepparent than by a parent. * Children of cohabiting parents are three times as likely to be expelled from school or to get pregnant as teenagers than children from an intact home with married parents. * Children of cohabiting parents are five times more apt to live in poverty, and 22 times more likely to incarcerated.http://www.google.com/search?q=divorce+rate+for+people+who+lived+together+first&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-USfficial&client=firefox-a

 

[Lehigh98]

She flings it at you like a ninja star?

 

[Bull Dozier]

Big mistake. From what I remember from psyc class, you've just doomed yourself. Going into this step of the relationship, you're going in looking for issues. You're telling yourself you don't have to put up with unpleasant differences, because you can back out. There's a reason relationships where the couple lives together before marriage end at a much higher rate than those that don't.Moving in only after your married, you're going in with the mentality that no matter what living with them is like. You're making the commitment before you know what you're getting in to, you know, for better or worse.

I couldn't disagree more. You really don't know a person until you live with them.

First, I should say I'm talking from my memory of psych class, not personal experience. Though, I will say I agree with their findings. That said, the fact that you don't know them until you live with them doesn't affect the outcome. Going on a "trial run" vs dedicating yourself to the living situation regardless of what you discover is a self fulling prophecy. If you go in with the idea "well, if the living situation isn't great, I'll just bail," you'll more than likely bail on it. If you go in with the idea "I'm going to stick this out, no matter what I discover about the other person, and will work hard to resolve any issues" you're more often than not going to stand the test of time.

 

[Pick]

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

Actually, I was assuming the opposite. It's not logical and reasonable for a wife to expect her husband to continue treating her like he did when they were dating (at least all the time), especially when the rigors of life get in the way. My point is that we need to understand that today's woman does expect us to continue treating them that way even after we're married regardless, and if we choose to marry them in spite of knowing all of this information, that's on us.

I am a rookie though, and I might be looking at being called up to the bigs soon. Hopefully I'm not way off base in thinking that my future wife won't lose interest in me if I continue to show my love and compassion for her.

How long have you lived together?

About six days now. We've had a great two years and are taking the next step. It's basically a trial run. I can't imagine marrying someone unless I was positive I could live with them on a daily basis.

I wonder how many of the guys having issues with their wives lived with the future spouse for a while (2 years+ is my plan) first? You can, and will, learn a lot about a person when you live with them.

Big mistake. From what I remember from psyc class, you've just doomed yourself. Going into this step of the relationship, you're going in looking for issues. You're telling yourself you don't have to put up with unpleasant differences, because you can back out. There's a reason relationships where the couple lives together before marriage end at a much higher rate than those that don't.Moving in only after your married, you're going in with the mentality that no matter what living with them is like. You're making the commitment before you know what you're getting in to, you know, for better or worse.

I couldn't disagree more. You really don't know a person until you live with them.

This always is interesting to me given my LDS religion. No sex and no living together before marriage (in theory at least ). Could be a formula for disaster.

 

[Walton Goggins]

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

Actually, I was assuming the opposite. It's not logical and reasonable for a wife to expect her husband to continue treating her like he did when they were dating (at least all the time), especially when the rigors of life get in the way. My point is that we need to understand that today's woman does expect us to continue treating them that way even after we're married regardless, and if we choose to marry them in spite of knowing all of this information, that's on us.I am a rookie though, and I might be looking at being called up to the bigs soon. Hopefully I'm not way off base in thinking that my future wife won't lose interest in me if I continue to show my love and compassion for her.

How long have you lived together?

About six days now. We've had a great two years and are taking the next step. It's basically a trial run. I can't imagine marrying someone unless I was positive I could live with them on a daily basis. I wonder how many of the guys having issues with their wives lived with the future spouse for a while (2 years+ is my plan) first? You can, and will, learn a lot about a person when you live with them.

We did not live together but dated for several years.

Same

 

[Walton Goggins]

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

Actually, I was assuming the opposite. It's not logical and reasonable for a wife to expect her husband to continue treating her like he did when they were dating (at least all the time), especially when the rigors of life get in the way. My point is that we need to understand that today's woman does expect us to continue treating them that way even after we're married regardless, and if we choose to marry them in spite of knowing all of this information, that's on us.

I am a rookie though, and I might be looking at being called up to the bigs soon. Hopefully I'm not way off base in thinking that my future wife won't lose interest in me if I continue to show my love and compassion for her.

How long have you lived together?

About six days now. We've had a great two years and are taking the next step. It's basically a trial run. I can't imagine marrying someone unless I was positive I could live with them on a daily basis.

I wonder how many of the guys having issues with their wives lived with the future spouse for a while (2 years+ is my plan) first? You can, and will, learn a lot about a person when you live with them.

Big mistake. From what I remember from psyc class, you've just doomed yourself. Going into this step of the relationship, you're going in looking for issues. You're telling yourself you don't have to put up with unpleasant differences, because you can back out. There's a reason relationships where the couple lives together before marriage end at a much higher rate than those that don't.Moving in only after your married, you're going in with the mentality that no matter what living with them is like. You're making the commitment before you know what you're getting in to, you know, for better or worse.

I couldn't disagree more. You really don't know a person until you live with them.

This always is interesting to me given my LDS religion. No sex and no living together before marriage (in theory at least ). Could be a formula for disaster.

You're also playing on a completely different playing field by being a Mormon couple. A Mormon who is married in the temple is by definition a committed follower and the Mormon Church preaches about the evils of divorce. So being committed the odds are very very low that a Mormon couple will divorce for religious reasons regardless if you two are happy or not with one another. Getting a divorce for the majority of people don't have this incredibly major strike against them if they do good or bad. I have a good friend who is Mormon who is very involved and he and his wife the thought of divorce regardless of what happens is not in the cards.

 

[JFT Ben]

Get this book and read it.

I haven't read the book, but the author's blog is consistently excellent, and the book is supposed to be a well organized version of that.

So I've been checking out this site the last few days and bought the e-book from Lulu for $8. Working my way through the book, but basically organizes and consolidates most of the thoughts of the blog. I'm uber-beta but have a number of alpha characteristics as well. I started doing some of the things he talks about in the last couple of days to increase my alpha side, and it's almost working like black magic. My wife says I'm asking weird, but obviously is intrigued and interested in the minor changes and actions I've made and is totally vibing me much more sexually than before. I must say that our marriage is solid to begin with, only complaint (from me) is frequency of sex and intimacy. I'm hoping and guessing this moves in the right direction with my changes. I'd highly recommend this approach for others in my shoes (there was another poster in the middle pages of this thread who also said this was solid).

ETA a very brief exerpt from the book:

"If you’re the husband [in the low sex marriage], you would obviously feel terribly cheated in an arrangement like this. It’s very easy to frame everything as being her fault and believe she is the one who must change for the marriage to be happy or even to continue. While that sounds quite logical, the trouble is that it gives all the power to change and improve the situation to her, and she may have no interest in changing the relationship where you cater to her endlessly. That’s what “low sexual interest” means. And let’s face it… many men have tried asking for more or better sex until they are blue in the face and jumped through all her hoops, and they have still not seen the changes they hope for. So let’s just be done with that strategy."

 

[NewlyRetired]

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

Actually, I was assuming the opposite. It's not logical and reasonable for a wife to expect her husband to continue treating her like he did when they were dating (at least all the time), especially when the rigors of life get in the way. My point is that we need to understand that today's woman does expect us to continue treating them that way even after we're married regardless, and if we choose to marry them in spite of knowing all of this information, that's on us.I am a rookie though, and I might be looking at being called up to the bigs soon. Hopefully I'm not way off base in thinking that my future wife won't lose interest in me if I continue to show my love and compassion for her.

How long have you lived together?

About six days now. We've had a great two years and are taking the next step. It's basically a trial run. I can't imagine marrying someone unless I was positive I could live with them on a daily basis. I wonder how many of the guys having issues with their wives lived with the future spouse for a while (2 years+ is my plan) first? You can, and will, learn a lot about a person when you live with them.

This was taken from 87 but heard recently that the divorce rate was higher for people who lived together firsthttp://www.nytimes.com/1987/12/07/us/divorce-may-be-the-price-of-living-together-first.htmlDivorce May Be the Price of Living Together FirstCouples who lived together before marrying have nearly an 80 percent higher divorce rate than those who did not and they seem to have less regard for the institution, according to a study of Swedish women by the National Bureau of Economic Research here.''We are not saying in any way that cohabiting causes higher divorce rates,'' said Neil Bennett, who teaches sociology at Yale University and is one of three authors of the report.''What we are saying is that it appears that people who cohabit premaritally are less committed to the institution and are more inclined to divorce than people who don't live together,'' Mr. Bennett said in an interview. He stressed that the study did not indicate that living together before marriage doomed a relationship.The study was based on a 1981 survey of 4,996 Swedish women, ''Women in Sweden.'' Interviews were conducted with 4,300 of the respondents who were 20 to 44 years old and included both those who had lived with their spouses before marriage and those who had not.This was from 2008Here are some statistics on living together before marriage from Michael McManus, author of the book Marriage Savers. Statistically speaking, living together is not a trial of marriage, but rather a training for divorce. * The number of unmarried couples living together soared 12-fold from 430,000 in 1960 to 5.4 million in 2005. * More than eight out of ten couples who live together will break up either before the wedding or afterwards in divorce. * About 45 percent of those who begin cohabiting, do not marry. Another 5-10 percent continue living together and do not marry. * Couples who do marry after living together are 50% more likely to divorce than those who did not. * Only 12 percent of couples who have begun their relationship with cohabitation end up with a marriage lasting 10 years or more. * A Penn State study reports that even a month’s cohabitation decreases the quality of the couple’s relationship.Here are some more statistics relating to the children of cohabiting parents. * Children of cohabiting parents are ten times more likely to be sexually abused by a stepparent than by a parent. * Children of cohabiting parents are three times as likely to be expelled from school or to get pregnant as teenagers than children from an intact home with married parents. * Children of cohabiting parents are five times more apt to live in poverty, and 22 times more likely to incarcerated.http://www.google.com/search?q=divorce+rate+for+people+who+lived+together+first&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-USfficial&client=firefox-a

Another study from 2009 also confirms these earlier findings in that people who lived together before marriage had a higher chance of divorce than those that did not. Simply tells us that the variables related to divorce are significantly more complex than simply knowing who you are about to marry.

 

[Walton Goggins]

Get this book and read it.

I haven't read the book, but the author's blog is consistently excellent, and the book is supposed to be a well organized version of that.

So I've been checking out this site the last few days and bought the e-book from Lulu for $8. Working my way through the book, but basically organizes and consolidates most of the thoughts of the blog. I'm uber-beta but have a number of alpha characteristics as well. I started doing some of the things he talks about in the last couple of days to increase my alpha side, and it's almost working like black magic. My wife says I'm asking weird, but obviously is intrigued and interested in the minor changes and actions I've made and is totally vibing me much more sexually than before. I must say that our marriage is solid to begin with, only complaint (from me) is frequency of sex and intimacy. I'm hoping and guessing this moves in the right direction with my changes. I'd highly recommend this approach for others in my shoes (there was another poster in the middle pages of this thread who also said this was solid).

ETA a very brief exerpt from the book:

"If you’re the husband [in the low sex marriage], you would obviously feel terribly cheated in an arrangement like this. It’s very easy to frame everything as being her fault and believe she is the one who must change for the marriage to be happy or even to continue. While that sounds quite logical, the trouble is that it gives all the power to change and improve the situation to her, and she may have no interest in changing the relationship where you cater to her endlessly. That’s what “low sexual interest” means. And let’s face it… many men have tried asking for more or better sex until they are blue in the face and jumped through all her hoops, and they have still not seen the changes they hope for. So let’s just be done with that strategy."

good quote from someone who bought this off amazon

Let me just say, as a feminist, I found so much of it to be revolting and awful.

I stayed up all Saturday night reading it. I was irritated and pissed off at times, yet I could not put it down. At the end I thought, eh, it's only $20. I finally went to bed. Yesterday we all went out for Easter brunch and I found myself thinking about it. Thinking about the book and thinking about the author.

Why? Why would a book that (to me) in essence was a guide on how married men can get what they want sexually, often through manipulation consume my thoughts? All damn day I thought about this book. This goes against everything I believe in, so why was your book on my mind?

My husband is a VERY good looking man, think Tom Brady good looking. He is incredibly attractive. 6'3", green eyes, blondish brown hair/full head, a member of Mensa and makes six figs. His genetics alone are what women would kill for. So why is it then that for me (the higher sex drive person), sex is just eh and I often don't want it. It's good sex but it isn't great sex. It isn't his technique either. 17 years married, he has my inner tickings down well.

It hit me like a torpedo last night after everybody else had gone to bed. I want the Captain husband and me as his First Mate. I am tired of being the person in control. I never wanted it in the first place, he assumed I did as he saw this dynamic with his parents. I am tired of words vs. actions. He always says I turn him on, I am the one he wants, I am sexy. He doesn't back it up with action though. His "action" is to wait and see, a very unsexy trait. He is very dominant in his career, so clearly he has the ability. I want him to be dominant in our relationship. I want my husband to say "be ready at 10 pm, wearing these heels and this lingerie" instead of "are you staying up?". I want the directive and the passion that comes across with it. I would literally be putty in his hands if he told me instead of asked.

What the hell has happened to me? Your book. A brilliant and very well written guide to getting what you want in marriage. I know this now and I feel it is the best $20 I have ever spent. It made me realize a lot about myself and about what I want. My husband is now reading it. Perhaps he will have a takeaway as I did or perhaps not. At least I will benefit either way, for me.

 

[Pick]

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

Actually, I was assuming the opposite. It's not logical and reasonable for a wife to expect her husband to continue treating her like he did when they were dating (at least all the time), especially when the rigors of life get in the way. My point is that we need to understand that today's woman does expect us to continue treating them that way even after we're married regardless, and if we choose to marry them in spite of knowing all of this information, that's on us.

I am a rookie though, and I might be looking at being called up to the bigs soon. Hopefully I'm not way off base in thinking that my future wife won't lose interest in me if I continue to show my love and compassion for her.

How long have you lived together?

About six days now. We've had a great two years and are taking the next step. It's basically a trial run. I can't imagine marrying someone unless I was positive I could live with them on a daily basis.

I wonder how many of the guys having issues with their wives lived with the future spouse for a while (2 years+ is my plan) first? You can, and will, learn a lot about a person when you live with them.

Big mistake. From what I remember from psyc class, you've just doomed yourself. Going into this step of the relationship, you're going in looking for issues. You're telling yourself you don't have to put up with unpleasant differences, because you can back out. There's a reason relationships where the couple lives together before marriage end at a much higher rate than those that don't.Moving in only after your married, you're going in with the mentality that no matter what living with them is like. You're making the commitment before you know what you're getting in to, you know, for better or worse.

I couldn't disagree more. You really don't know a person until you live with them.

This always is interesting to me given my LDS religion. No sex and no living together before marriage (in theory at least ). Could be a formula for disaster.

You're also playing on a completely different playing field by being a Mormon couple. A Mormon who is married in the temple is by definition a committed follower and the Mormon Church preaches about the evils of divorce. So being committed the odds are very very low that a Mormon couple will divorce for religious reasons regardless if you two are happy or not with one another. Getting a divorce for the majority of people don't have this incredibly major strike against them if they do good or bad. I have a good friend who is Mormon who is very involved and he and his wife the thought of divorce regardless of what happens is not in the cards.

Definitely a different dynamic. And for sure you better do your research. Again crazy cuz a lot of LDS couples have very short courtships.

 

[Giantseasonticketholder]

I thought atheists had great monkey sex all the time!

Who knew?

We Believers get it more often, AND, we have eternal life. Cool .

 

[Otis]

How is this 12 pages?

Also, isn't this thread title inaccurate? She's not really using sex as a weapon, right? Is that even possible?

TIA

 

[Walton Goggins]

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

Actually, I was assuming the opposite. It's not logical and reasonable for a wife to expect her husband to continue treating her like he did when they were dating (at least all the time), especially when the rigors of life get in the way. My point is that we need to understand that today's woman does expect us to continue treating them that way even after we're married regardless, and if we choose to marry them in spite of knowing all of this information, that's on us.

I am a rookie though, and I might be looking at being called up to the bigs soon. Hopefully I'm not way off base in thinking that my future wife won't lose interest in me if I continue to show my love and compassion for her.

How long have you lived together?

About six days now. We've had a great two years and are taking the next step. It's basically a trial run. I can't imagine marrying someone unless I was positive I could live with them on a daily basis.

I wonder how many of the guys having issues with their wives lived with the future spouse for a while (2 years+ is my plan) first? You can, and will, learn a lot about a person when you live with them.

Big mistake. From what I remember from psyc class, you've just doomed yourself. Going into this step of the relationship, you're going in looking for issues. You're telling yourself you don't have to put up with unpleasant differences, because you can back out. There's a reason relationships where the couple lives together before marriage end at a much higher rate than those that don't.Moving in only after your married, you're going in with the mentality that no matter what living with them is like. You're making the commitment before you know what you're getting in to, you know, for better or worse.

I couldn't disagree more. You really don't know a person until you live with them.

This always is interesting to me given my LDS religion. No sex and no living together before marriage (in theory at least ). Could be a formula for disaster.

You're also playing on a completely different playing field by being a Mormon couple. A Mormon who is married in the temple is by definition a committed follower and the Mormon Church preaches about the evils of divorce. So being committed the odds are very very low that a Mormon couple will divorce for religious reasons regardless if you two are happy or not with one another. Getting a divorce for the majority of people don't have this incredibly major strike against them if they do good or bad. I have a good friend who is Mormon who is very involved and he and his wife the thought of divorce regardless of what happens is not in the cards.

Definitely a different dynamic. And for sure you better do your research. Again crazy cuz a lot of LDS couples have very short courtships.

Unless stats are incorrect (google) it's significantly way lower than the national average. ~13% compared to ~50%If your religion basically tells you do not ever get divorced then that's completely different animal.

ETA:

National demographic studies indicate that couples in which both partners are Latter-day Saints (and who marry in a Latter-day Saint temple) have the lowest divorce rate among all U.S. social and religious groups studied. "The divorce rates for Latter-day Saints who marry in the temple are 5.4 percent for men and 6.5 percent for women." (These may not be the most up-to-date figures available.) But statistics indicate that inter-faith marriages in which one partner is a Latter-day Saint and the other is not are more likely to end in divorce than other interfaith religious combinations studied, except for Jewish/non-Jewish couples. The general Latter-day Saint divorce rate is at or slightly lower than the national average for all marriages in which both partners are Latter-day Saints, if the figures include temple and non-temple marriages and both active and non-active Latter-day Saints. These statistics underscore the important distinction Latter-day Saints make between temple marriages (believed to be eternal and valid beyond death) and non-temple marriages (valid only in this life, comparable to civil marriage or marriage in other denominations). [sources: Daniel K. Judd. Religion, Mental Health and the Latter-day Saints. Online article about book. Other sources citing the 6% Latter-day Saint temple marriage divorce rate: William Lobdell, Holy Matrimony: In an Era of Divorce Mormon Temple Weddings are Built to Last in Los Angeles Times, 8 April 2000; Dave Condren, New Temple Marks Origin of Mormons in Buffalo News, 27 March 2000.]

Similar results were found in a 1993 study:

A 1993 study published in Demography showed that Mormons marrying within their church are least likely of all Americans to become divorced. Only 13 percent of LDS couples have divorced after five years of marriage, compared with 20 percent for religiously homogamist unions among Catholics and Protestants and 27 percent among Jews.

However, when a Mormon marries outside his or her denomination, the divorce rate soars to 40 percent -- second only to mixed-faith marriages involving a Jewish spouse (42 percent).

Citing a variety of other studies, Duke found that Mormons are the least likely to cohabitate outside of marriage -- 8.2 percent compared with 20 percent to 24 percent for Protestants, 23.1 percent for Catholics, 32.5 percent for Jews and 44.8 percent for nonreligious Americans.

[source: Bob Mims Mormons: high conservativism, low divorce, big growth, 6 March 1999, Salt Lake Tribune.]

 

[Walton Goggins]

Seems like a civil marriage vs. Mormon marriage isn't really the same.

 

[Grahamburn]

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

Actually, I was assuming the opposite. It's not logical and reasonable for a wife to expect her husband to continue treating her like he did when they were dating (at least all the time), especially when the rigors of life get in the way. My point is that we need to understand that today's woman does expect us to continue treating them that way even after we're married regardless, and if we choose to marry them in spite of knowing all of this information, that's on us.

I am a rookie though, and I might be looking at being called up to the bigs soon. Hopefully I'm not way off base in thinking that my future wife won't lose interest in me if I continue to show my love and compassion for her.

How long have you lived together?

About six days now. We've had a great two years and are taking the next step. It's basically a trial run. I can't imagine marrying someone unless I was positive I could live with them on a daily basis.

I wonder how many of the guys having issues with their wives lived with the future spouse for a while (2 years+ is my plan) first? You can, and will, learn a lot about a person when you live with them.

This was taken from 87 but heard recently that the divorce rate was higher for people who lived together firsthttp://www.nytimes.com/1987/12/07/us/divorce-may-be-the-price-of-living-together-first.html

Divorce May Be the Price of Living Together First

Couples who lived together before marrying have nearly an 80 percent higher divorce rate than those who did not and they seem to have less regard for the institution, according to a study of Swedish women by the National Bureau of Economic Research here.

''We are not saying in any way that cohabiting causes higher divorce rates,'' said Neil Bennett, who teaches sociology at Yale University and is one of three authors of the report.



''What we are saying is that it appears that people who cohabit premaritally are less committed to the institution and are more inclined to divorce than people who don't live together,'' Mr. Bennett said in an interview. He stressed that the study did not indicate that living together before marriage doomed a relationship.

The study was based on a 1981 survey of 4,996 Swedish women, ''Women in Sweden.'' Interviews were conducted with 4,300 of the respondents who were 20 to 44 years old and included both those who had lived with their spouses before marriage and those who had not.

This was from 2008

Here are some statistics on living together before marriage from Michael McManus, author of the book Marriage Savers. Statistically speaking, living together is not a trial of marriage, but rather a training for divorce.

* The number of unmarried couples living together soared 12-fold from 430,000 in 1960 to 5.4 million in 2005.

* More than eight out of ten couples who live together will break up either before the wedding or afterwards in divorce.

* About 45 percent of those who begin cohabiting, do not marry. Another 5-10 percent continue living together and do not marry.

* Couples who do marry after living together are 50% more likely to divorce than those who did not.

* Only 12 percent of couples who have begun their relationship with cohabitation end up with a marriage lasting 10 years or more.

* A Penn State study reports that even a month’s cohabitation decreases the quality of the couple’s relationship.

Here are some more statistics relating to the children of cohabiting parents.

* Children of cohabiting parents are ten times more likely to be sexually abused by a stepparent than by a parent.

* Children of cohabiting parents are three times as likely to be expelled from school or to get pregnant as teenagers than children from an intact home with married parents.

* Children of cohabiting parents are five times more apt to live in poverty, and 22 times more likely to incarcerated.

http://www.google.com/search?q=divorce+rate+for+people+who+lived+together+first&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-USfficial&client=firefox-a

I doubt it really matters whether you live together or not before marriage if you aren't committed to the institution of marriage. I get what BullDozier is saying as well, but it's important to see how your partner handles certain situations that may not arise if you can just deflect it and go to a separate living situation after a disagreement. Respect, communication, sacrifice.

Is she selfish, #####y in the morning or at night, does she have an attitude if she doesn't get her way, does she throw a fit if you take a night out with the boys instead of watching jersey housewives or whatever, can she do her own thing when you're at the golf course for 5 hours? How often does she want to have SEX?! That's all stuff you may never know if you don't live with your girl beforehand.

The divorce rates in America are staggering in general. I want to make sure I've done my due diligence before making a decision. Maybe it's not supposed to be so analytical, but I don't like making mistakes.

 

[Walton Goggins]

Wow

Mormon marriages are different than civil marriages, in that they are for eternity. Mormon marriages are done in Mormon temples and performed by those having authority. First of all, let's compare a civil marriage to one that is performed in the temple. A civil marriage has the following: 1) the bride and groom make certain promises to each other, and 2) the bride and groom can legally live together under the laws of the land. Most civil marriages are beautiful with the tuxedos, limousines, music and decorations, but no matter how you put it together, the marriage is only for time. The authority for the promises between the bride and groom is the integrity of the two people. The authority comes from man and none other. In a Mormon marriage the bride and groom make covenants and promises to God. The authority for the promises in a celestial marriage, or eternal marriage, comes from God. When a bride and groom enter the temple they are to be 'sealed'. What exactly does this mean? Sealed means to attach or bond together. In the temple, the bride and groom are joined together with God to form a union; God being the foundation in which they base their eternal marriage on. Sealing a husband and wife together is conferring the blessings of God upon each of them individually and jointly and upon the children they will bring into their family. Being sealed also indicates that God is approving of the ordinance that is being performed, that of celestial marriage. When a bride and groom go to the temple to be married, they will participate in the 'sealing ordinance'. This ordinance was established by God and is the same ordinance by which Adam and Eve were joined together as husband and wife.1 Here is where the similarity of the civil and temple marriage are, that of being authorized to live together as a husband and wife under the laws of the land and where you make certain promises to each other, but that is the end of the similarity. To make clear what a religious ordinance is in the Mormon Church, it is a specific rite or ceremony performed under the power of the priesthood. In the sealing ordinance, the one officiating must hold the power to perform the sealing ordinance. The power is referred to as the sealing authority or the power by which, conditioned upon obedience to the covenants made, eternal family units are formed. 2 When kneeling across the altar from each other in the sealing room of the Mormon temple, the bride and groom will receive good counsel from the officiator. The officiator is one who holds the priesthood, one who is worthy and one who is among the very few who have had the sealing power conferred upon him from the prophet of the Lord. The bride and groom make promises, commitments and covenants with their Heavenly Father. Each of them will receive individual promises of blessings, but only on the condition of their individual worthiness. These individual promises are such that if one or the other were to be disobedient through their marriage, the other partner who remained faithful would continue to be eligible to receive the promised blessings. Next, the bride and groom jointly make promises, commitments, and covenants with their Heavenly Father and will make covenants to receive each other as husband and wife. Promises of blessings are jointly made on the condition of obedience and is essential if the promised blessings are to be received jointly. This is because you then become 'one', a single unit consisting of two halves. 3

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Consider yourself lucky, my wife uses a broken wine bottle as a weapon.

 

[Bogart]

Before we were married, she suggested a two-month "break" from sex to make the wedding night seem more special. I agreed without hesitation. She brought this up during our conversation last week that I should have seen this as a sign. I honestly did not see it as anything more than something my spouse wanted to do to try and make her big day as magical as possible.

jesus :(

this jumped out at me right away as well and I am surprised it is not getting more play.....this is her basically admitting that the whole no sex thing later was premeditated.....

the case of having sex with you ahead of time to get you reeled in cause women know that that is what men want....and she had every intention of slowing down/stopping after getting you to marry her......don't mean to say it, but this tells me she may not have even loved you in the first place.....but it could have been you or anybody else, so not an attack on you here....you were just a body to fill the role of a husband so she could say she was married.....

had she said that to me......my #### would have been packed and gone for a few nights within the hour.....

The more I have thought about it, the more it has really stuck out and the more it has disturbed me. It makes me think that our entire sex life was nothing but a lie. Something she either saw as a chore, or something she needed to do to get pregnant. Something that she never enjoyed. Talk about destroying my ego and self worth.

 

[[icon]]

Wow

Mormon marriages are different than civil marriages, in that they are for eternity. Mormon marriages are done in Mormon temples and performed by those having authority. First of all, let's compare a civil marriage to one that is performed in the temple. A civil marriage has the following: 1) the bride and groom make certain promises to each other, and 2) the bride and groom can legally live together under the laws of the land. Most civil marriages are beautiful with the tuxedos, limousines, music and decorations, but no matter how you put it together, the marriage is only for time. The authority for the promises between the bride and groom is the integrity of the two people. The authority comes from man and none other. In a Mormon marriage the bride and groom make covenants and promises to God. The authority for the promises in a celestial marriage, or eternal marriage, comes from God. When a bride and groom enter the temple they are to be 'sealed'. What exactly does this mean? Sealed means to attach or bond together. In the temple, the bride and groom are joined together with God to form a union; God being the foundation in which they base their eternal marriage on. Sealing a husband and wife together is conferring the blessings of God upon each of them individually and jointly and upon the children they will bring into their family. Being sealed also indicates that God is approving of the ordinance that is being performed, that of celestial marriage. When a bride and groom go to the temple to be married, they will participate in the 'sealing ordinance'. This ordinance was established by God and is the same ordinance by which Adam and Eve were joined together as husband and wife.1 Here is where the similarity of the civil and temple marriage are, that of being authorized to live together as a husband and wife under the laws of the land and where you make certain promises to each other, but that is the end of the similarity. To make clear what a religious ordinance is in the Mormon Church, it is a specific rite or ceremony performed under the power of the priesthood. In the sealing ordinance, the one officiating must hold the power to perform the sealing ordinance. The power is referred to as the sealing authority or the power by which, conditioned upon obedience to the covenants made, eternal family units are formed. 2 When kneeling across the altar from each other in the sealing room of the Mormon temple, the bride and groom will receive good counsel from the officiator. The officiator is one who holds the priesthood, one who is worthy and one who is among the very few who have had the sealing power conferred upon him from the prophet of the Lord. The bride and groom make promises, commitments and covenants with their Heavenly Father. Each of them will receive individual promises of blessings, but only on the condition of their individual worthiness. These individual promises are such that if one or the other were to be disobedient through their marriage, the other partner who remained faithful would continue to be eligible to receive the promised blessings. Next, the bride and groom jointly make promises, commitments, and covenants with their Heavenly Father and will make covenants to receive each other as husband and wife. Promises of blessings are jointly made on the condition of obedience and is essential if the promised blessings are to be received jointly. This is because you then become 'one', a single unit consisting of two halves. 3

As if there wasn't already enough crazy in this thread

 

[RudiStein]

Consider yourself lucky, my wife uses a broken wine bottle as a weapon.

I was going to say "If my wife used sex as a weapon I'd be the safest man on the planet".

 

[Otis]

Consider yourself lucky, my wife uses a broken wine bottle as a weapon.

I was going to say "If my wife used sex as a weapon I'd be the safest man on the planet".

 

[Pick]

Seems like a civil marriage vs. Mormon marriage isn't really the same.

Depends on the context. I've done both and some things are the same and some are different.

 

[Pick]

If your religion basically tells you do not ever get divorced then that's completely different animal.

I know plenty of LDS friends and family who are divorced. You are not disciplined for getting a divorce in and of itself. The LDS church does not basically say "never get divorced". It is certainly an option but should be one of last resort. I'd think that idea is similar to most any marriage religious or not (not sure on Catholics).

 

[Steve Tasker]

This thread is so ####### depressing.