Wife uses sex as a weapon (1 Viewer)

[newteech]

ETA a very brief exerpt from the book:"If you're the husband [in the low sex marriage], you would obviously feel terribly cheated in an arrangement like this. It's very easy to frame everything as being her fault and believe she is the one who must change for the marriage to be happy or even to continue. While that sounds quite logical, the trouble is that it gives all the power to change and improve the situation to her, and she may have no interest in changing the relationship where you cater to her endlessly. That's what "low sexual interest" means. And let's face it… many men have tried asking for more or better sex until they are blue in the face and jumped through all her hoops, and they have still not seen the changes they hope for. So let's just be done with that strategy."

Okay so what strategy does he offer as an alternative?

 

[RudiStein]

This thread is so ####### depressing.

Don't worry. It gets better.By "better" I mean you eventually stop caring. You become a defeated shell of your former self.

 

[Mrs. BSR]

The more I have thought about it, the more it has really stuck out and the more it has disturbed me. It makes me think that our entire sex life was nothing but a lie. Something she either saw as a chore, or something she needed to do to get pregnant. Something that she never enjoyed. Talk about destroying my ego and self worth.

:( I wish I could talk to your wife and tell her how much she is hurting you. Damn. How old are you both if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Bogart]

The more I have thought about it, the more it has really stuck out and the more it has disturbed me. It makes me think that our entire sex life was nothing but a lie. Something she either saw as a chore, or something she needed to do to get pregnant. Something that she never enjoyed. Talk about destroying my ego and self worth.

:( I wish I could talk to your wife and tell her how much she is hurting you. Damn. How old are you both if you don't mind me asking?

I'm 36, she is 39.

 

[Disco Stu]

The more I have thought about it, the more it has really stuck out and the more it has disturbed me. It makes me think that our entire sex life was nothing but a lie. Something she either saw as a chore, or something she needed to do to get pregnant. Something that she never enjoyed. Talk about destroying my ego and self worth.

:( I wish I could talk to your wife and tell her how much she is hurting you. Damn. How old are you both if you don't mind me asking?

I'm 36, she is 39.

Might be time to get younger at that position.

 

[Otis]

The more I have thought about it, the more it has really stuck out and the more it has disturbed me. It makes me think that our entire sex life was nothing but a lie. Something she either saw as a chore, or something she needed to do to get pregnant. Something that she never enjoyed. Talk about destroying my ego and self worth.

:( I wish I could talk to your wife and tell her how much she is hurting you. Damn. How old are you both if you don't mind me asking?

I'm 36, she is 39.

Might be time to get younger at that position.

 

[urbanhack]

This thread is so ####### depressing.

Don't worry. It gets better.By "better" I mean you eventually stop caring. You become a defeated shell of your former self.

 

[Bogart]

Just when it can't seem any worse of a situation:

Spoke with my step mom this morning, who raised me and I trust completely, and told her that my wife and I are going to start seeing a counselor. She said that is a very good thing, because my wife has some real anger issues that she needs to work out. My step mom then informs me that "She has been a ##### to me for years, always making sure to say the most hateful things to me about your brothers, your new nephew, your whole family, while out of yours or your father's earshot."

Now my wife and my real mom have a broken relationship, but I have blamed that mostly, not all, but mostly on my mom because I have butted heads with her and know how she is. But for my step mom to come out and say things like that completely change everything. My wife is not just making me miserable, she is making my entire family miserable.

 

[Shtaym Syek]

Jesus. Get out.

 

[LHUCKS]

Jesus. Get out.

this

 

[Shtaym Syek]

Jesus. Get out.

this

Pretty sure it should tell you something when LHUCKS and I agree for the first time in about 18 months.

 

[Bogart]

Jesus. Get out.

this

Pretty sure it should tell you something when LHUCKS and I agree for the first time in about 18 months.

I agree completely.

 

[Walton Goggins]

The more I have thought about it, the more it has really stuck out and the more it has disturbed me. It makes me think that our entire sex life was nothing but a lie. Something she either saw as a chore, or something she needed to do to get pregnant. Something that she never enjoyed. Talk about destroying my ego and self worth.

:( I wish I could talk to your wife and tell her how much she is hurting you. Damn. How old are you both if you don't mind me asking?

I'm fairly certain she knows how much she's hurting Bogart but doesn't care.

 

[Exit 1]

I agree that it's a crappy situation and that you should get out but why is your stepmom just now saying something? I understand that she doesn't want to butt in your relationship but it all sounds fishy to me. If the wifey was really that mean to her, she should have spoken up a long time ago.

 

[Bogart]

I agree that it's a crappy situation and that you should get out but why is your stepmom just now saying something? I understand that she doesn't want to butt in your relationship but it all sounds fishy to me. If the wifey was really that mean to her, she should have spoken up a long time ago.

And I should have spoke up long ago about our sex life. People don't say things to cause friction because they just want everyone to be happy in the moment. Even at the cost of their own happiness. My step mom knows I have a rocky relationship with my mom, figured I was having a hard time with my wife, and just didn't want to pile on. So she just politely smiles and goes about the business of trying to enjoy my kids and me as much as she can when she sees us.It's not smart to stay quiet. But it is what we do to keep the peace.

 

[Dexter Manley]

Jesus. Get out.

this

Pretty sure it should tell you something when LHUCKS and I agree for the first time in about 18 months.

I agree completely.

While technically I'm not a professional psychologist, based on what you've said in here, I can't possibly see how counseling will fix your marriage.If I were you, I wouldn't do counseling. And I would start planning my exit strategy now, without telling her, obviously. Best of luck, on whatever you decide.

 

[Walton Goggins]

Jesus. Get out.

this

Pretty sure it should tell you something when LHUCKS and I agree for the first time in about 18 months.

GTFO now

 

[Bogart]

Jesus. Get out.

this

Pretty sure it should tell you something when LHUCKS and I agree for the first time in about 18 months.

I agree completely.

While technically I'm not a professional psychologist, based on what you've said in here, I can't possibly see how counseling will fix your marriage.If I were you, I wouldn't do counseling. And I would start planning my exit strategy now, without telling her, obviously. Best of luck, on whatever you decide.

I guess I would do both. Try counseling and plan your exit strategy.

This is my plan. The counseling is covered by insurance, and it's going to allow everything to come out in front of an impartial person. The writing on the wall, so to speak, and show that this decision was not made without carefully talking everything out and looking for solutions. I just don't see where there is anyway I can stay at this point.

 

[Nate]

ETA a very brief exerpt from the book:

"If you're the husband [in the low sex marriage], you would obviously feel terribly cheated in an arrangement like this. It's very easy to frame everything as being her fault and believe she is the one who must change for the marriage to be happy or even to continue. While that sounds quite logical, the trouble is that it gives all the power to change and improve the situation to her, and she may have no interest in changing the relationship where you cater to her endlessly. That's what "low sexual interest" means. And let's face it… many men have tried asking for more or better sex until they are blue in the face and jumped through all her hoops, and they have still not seen the changes they hope for. So let's just be done with that strategy."

Okay so what strategy does he offer as an alternative?

Read his blog.I used to think most of that stuff is pretty obvious, but after spending some time in this thread it's clear I was completely wrong about that. Still, I think most guys will stop reading at "The L-Spot", unfortunately.

Also, read Sperm Wars. No single book has ever had so much of a direct and immediate impact on my life, period.

Or, continue to live sexless in a loveless marriage and blame your wife for all that ails you. (Not you specifically, newteech)

 

[Nate]

The more I have thought about it, the more it has really stuck out and the more it has disturbed me. It makes me think that our entire sex life was nothing but a lie. Something she either saw as a chore, or something she needed to do to get pregnant. Something that she never enjoyed. Talk about destroying my ego and self worth.

:( I wish I could talk to your wife and tell her how much she is hurting you. Damn. How old are you both if you don't mind me asking?

I'm 36, she is 39.

More importantly, how much do you weigh?Also - you have other, bigger issues if your self-worth is that closely tied to your wife's sexual interest in you.

 

[Walton Goggins]

I agree that it's a crappy situation and that you should get out but why is your stepmom just now saying something? I understand that she doesn't want to butt in your relationship but it all sounds fishy to me. If the wifey was really that mean to her, she should have spoken up a long time ago.

And I should have spoke up long ago about our sex life. People don't say things to cause friction because they just want everyone to be happy in the moment. Even at the cost of their own happiness. My step mom knows I have a rocky relationship with my mom, figured I was having a hard time with my wife, and just didn't want to pile on. So she just politely smiles and goes about the business of trying to enjoy my kids and me as much as she can when she sees us.

It's not smart to stay quiet. But it is what we do to keep the peace.

When I was divorced I realized my biggest mistake early in our marriage was to make her happy regardless of the situation. I felt like by making her happy it would make our marriage even better. My biggest change now is that while it's important for both people to be happy where there are things that you know you shouldn't allow stick to your guns. You can't make your spouse happy all the time and funny enough by thinking you are making them happy by letting them do whatever they way they ultimately become unhappy. My dating life has been leaps and bounds better because I realized this.

 

[Bogart]

The more I have thought about it, the more it has really stuck out and the more it has disturbed me. It makes me think that our entire sex life was nothing but a lie. Something she either saw as a chore, or something she needed to do to get pregnant. Something that she never enjoyed. Talk about destroying my ego and self worth.

:( I wish I could talk to your wife and tell her how much she is hurting you. Damn. How old are you both if you don't mind me asking?

I'm 36, she is 39.

More importantly, how much do you weigh?Also - you have other, bigger issues if your self-worth is that closely tied to your wife's sexual interest in you.

Not sure that it matters, but I'm within 15 pounds of my weight when we met. I actually spent a few years of our marriage under my weight when we met.As for my self-worth, it's still there on many levels. Work, father, son....I'm really proud of my roles there. But my ego and self-worth as a husband is not there. If that is my problem, then that is my problem.

 

[Nate]

When I was divorced I realized my biggest mistake early in our marriage was to make her happy regardless of the situation. I felt like by making her happy it would make our marriage even better. My biggest change now is that while it's important for both people to be happy where there are things that you know you shouldn't allow stick to your guns. You can't make your spouse happy all the time and funny enough by thinking you are making them happy by letting them do whatever they way they ultimately become unhappy. My dating life has been leaps and bounds better because I realized this.

 

[Pick]

When I was divorced I realized my biggest mistake early in our marriage was to make her happy regardless of the situation. I felt like by making her happy it would make our marriage even better. My biggest change now is that while it's important for both people to be happy where there are things that you know you shouldn't allow stick to your guns. You can't make your spouse happy all the time and funny enough by thinking you are making them happy by letting them do whatever they way they ultimately become unhappy. My dating life has been leaps and bounds better because I realized this.

 

[Walton Goggins]

When I was divorced I realized my biggest mistake early in our marriage was to make her happy regardless of the situation. I felt like by making her happy it would make our marriage even better. My biggest change now is that while it's important for both people to be happy where there are things that you know you shouldn't allow stick to your guns. You can't make your spouse happy all the time and funny enough by thinking you are making them happy by letting them do whatever they way they ultimately become unhappy. My dating life has been leaps and bounds better because I realized this.

And to add when I started to put my foot down years into our marriage it was too late. Once the damage is done it's extremely difficult to correct.

 

[urbanhack]

When I was divorced I realized my biggest mistake early in our marriage was to make her happy regardless of the situation. I felt like by making her happy it would make our marriage even better. My biggest change now is that while it's important for both people to be happy where there are things that you know you shouldn't allow stick to your guns. You can't make your spouse happy all the time and funny enough by thinking you are making them happy by letting them do whatever they way they ultimately become unhappy. My dating life has been leaps and bounds better because I realized this.

And to add when I started to put my foot down years into our marriage it was too late. Once the damage is done it's extremely difficult to correct.

same here. you have no idea of the "monster" you create until it's too late.

 

[Pick]

Ya, my wife is pretty perfect so not much to put my foot down on but she is very good about not letting me get away with shady stuff for long. :whipped:

 

[FUBAR]

When I was divorced I realized my biggest mistake early in our marriage was to make her happy regardless of the situation. I felt like by making her happy it would make our marriage even better. My biggest change now is that while it's important for both people to be happy where there are things that you know you shouldn't allow stick to your guns. You can't make your spouse happy all the time and funny enough by thinking you are making them happy by letting them do whatever they way they ultimately become unhappy. My dating life has been leaps and bounds better because I realized this.

And to add when I started to put my foot down years into our marriage it was too late. Once the damage is done it's extremely difficult to correct.

thankfully I think I stopped early enough and my wife is good enough to get over it, but early in our relationship I felt guilty about some aspects in the life we were going to lead together, so I tried to "make it up to her" by doing a lot for her. After a year or two I realized she chose this life just as much as I did, and I was giving her the life she wanted (or at least agreed to when we married). FWIW I'm just referring to the long hours I put in away from home, the weeks and months I'm gone, and our moving every couple years. I realized I was disrespecting her as a person by doing too much for her and giving her everything she asked for. Funny though, her mom has commented to me about how good I am for her. Even before I really made a conscious effort to allow her to be herself and grow, her mom complimented me for making her branch out and do things for herself that she never did before, by telling her exactly how things were and not putting up with bull####. I'm not advocating that people be asses to each other, but there's a line we have to find between helping each other and hurting our growth. You can't "make her happy", that's on her.

 

[Tiny Dancer]

When I was divorced I realized my biggest mistake early in our marriage was to make her happy regardless of the situation. I felt like by making her happy it would make our marriage even better. My biggest change now is that while it's important for both people to be happy where there are things that you know you shouldn't allow stick to your guns. You can't make your spouse happy all the time and funny enough by thinking you are making them happy by letting them do whatever they way they ultimately become unhappy. My dating life has been leaps and bounds better because I realized this.

And to add when I started to put my foot down years into our marriage it was too late. Once the damage is done it's extremely difficult to correct.

same here. you have no idea of the "monster" you create until it's too late.

So you guys think you would still be married to your exes if only you had put your foot down early?

 

[urbanhack]

When I was divorced I realized my biggest mistake early in our marriage was to make her happy regardless of the situation. I felt like by making her happy it would make our marriage even better. My biggest change now is that while it's important for both people to be happy where there are things that you know you shouldn't allow stick to your guns. You can't make your spouse happy all the time and funny enough by thinking you are making them happy by letting them do whatever they way they ultimately become unhappy. My dating life has been leaps and bounds better because I realized this.

And to add when I started to put my foot down years into our marriage it was too late. Once the damage is done it's extremely difficult to correct.

same here. you have no idea of the "monster" you create until it's too late.

So you guys think you would still be married to your exes if only you had put your foot down early?

either that or never marriedor divorced years earlier

 

[Tiny Dancer]

So you guys think you would still be married to your exes if only you had put your foot down early?

either that or never marriedor divorced years earlier

The latter two possibilities that you mention seem to contradict the theory that failure to put your foot down "creates a monster." If putting your foot down early would have led to an early divorce or not getting married in the first place, that suggests that the woman was already a monster, and you just didn't realize it until you put your foot down.

 

[Nate]

More importantly, how much do you weigh?Also - you have other, bigger issues if your self-worth is that closely tied to your wife's sexual interest in you.

Not sure that it matters, but I'm within 15 pounds of my weight when we met. I actually spent a few years of our marriage under my weight when we met.As for my self-worth, it's still there on many levels. Work, father, son....I'm really proud of my roles there. But my ego and self-worth as a husband is not there. If that is my problem, then that is my problem.

I asked because being unhealthy is one thing that makes you undesirable to women, and some guys here (not necessarily you) seem to believe that marriage means your wife must always find you sexually attractive.I don't know your story, but it sounds like she's admitted to losing sexual interest in you really early. A woman can't just decide to be into sex with a guy. She can toss him a bone but that doesn't mean she's going to really enjoy it. It sucks, but it's up to you to earn that interest back.

 

[RudiStein]

When I was divorced I realized my biggest mistake early in our marriage was to make her happy regardless of the situation. I felt like by making her happy it would make our marriage even better. My biggest change now is that while it's important for both people to be happy where there are things that you know you shouldn't allow stick to your guns. You can't make your spouse happy all the time and funny enough by thinking you are making them happy by letting them do whatever they way they ultimately become unhappy. My dating life has been leaps and bounds better because I realized this.

And to add when I started to put my foot down years into our marriage it was too late. Once the damage is done it's extremely difficult to correct.

same here. you have no idea of the "monster" you create until it's too late.

So you guys think you would still be married to your exes if only you had put your foot down early?

either that or never marriedor divorced years earlier

My brother went through something like this. He was married to a woman for almost 20 years that got her way 90% of the time. She was like a fatter version of Veruka Salt. A couple of months after they separated he said something to me and our brother in law like "man, all those years I tried to make her happy and this is what happens." Bro-in-law says "She was never going to be happy. You just kept feeding the monster."That was about 7 years ago. My brother's ex-wife has been married and divorced and is working on husband #3.

 

[NCCommish]

When I was divorced I realized my biggest mistake early in our marriage was to make her happy regardless of the situation. I felt like by making her happy it would make our marriage even better. My biggest change now is that while it's important for both people to be happy where there are things that you know you shouldn't allow stick to your guns. You can't make your spouse happy all the time and funny enough by thinking you are making them happy by letting them do whatever they way they ultimately become unhappy. My dating life has been leaps and bounds better because I realized this.

And to add when I started to put my foot down years into our marriage it was too late. Once the damage is done it's extremely difficult to correct.

That's why you have to start from day one. I went through lots of silent days breaking my wife of the idea she was running things. These days it is pretty low key around chez NCC.

 

[urbanhack]

So you guys think you would still be married to your exes if only you had put your foot down early?

either that or never marriedor divorced years earlier

The latter two possibilities that you mention seem to contradict the theory that failure to put your foot down "creates a monster." If putting your foot down early would have led to an early divorce or not getting married in the first place, that suggests that the woman was already a monster, and you just didn't realize it until you put your foot down.

There's also the mindset that "things are going to get better" or maybe my hindsight isn't 100% correct. There were definitely aspects of the marriage and her that I did like. There were also aspects of being involved with a strong woman that I liked because I'd never been involved with anyone like before. I don't want to get all Freudian here, but some parts of our relationship were a good match psychologically.

 

[gollum]

I used sex as a weapon once, and I have to say it was pretty effective. That Jehovah's witness could not get out of my house fast enough and he has never returned.

 

[Bogart]

Jesus. Get out.

this

Pretty sure it should tell you something when LHUCKS and I agree for the first time in about 18 months.

I agree completely.

While technically I'm not a professional psychologist, based on what you've said in here, I can't possibly see how counseling will fix your marriage.If I were you, I wouldn't do counseling. And I would start planning my exit strategy now, without telling her, obviously.

Best of luck, on whatever you decide.

I guess I would do both. Try counseling and plan your exit strategy.

This is my plan. The counseling is covered by insurance, and it's going to allow everything to come out in front of an impartial person. The writing on the wall, so to speak, and show that this decision was not made without carefully talking everything out and looking for solutions. I just don't see where there is anyway I can stay at this point.

I think you need to go into it with an open mind. When I went into counseling I had my mind made up. That so far, has turned out to be a mistake. We will see how the future plays out. Do whatever you can to save your marriage.I think I mentioned toys and pron earlier in this thread. That was not a joke. Maybe she has some pent-up "kink" that needs to be unleashed. Even if that didn't last, it would still be fun for a while.

This has moved beyond sex at this point. That was the huge elephant in the room that was hiding a whole zoo worth of problems.

 

[gollum]

Jesus. Get out.

this

Pretty sure it should tell you something when LHUCKS and I agree for the first time in about 18 months.

I agree completely.

While technically I'm not a professional psychologist, based on what you've said in here, I can't possibly see how counseling will fix your marriage.If I were you, I wouldn't do counseling. And I would start planning my exit strategy now, without telling her, obviously.

Best of luck, on whatever you decide.

I guess I would do both. Try counseling and plan your exit strategy.

This is my plan. The counseling is covered by insurance, and it's going to allow everything to come out in front of an impartial person. The writing on the wall, so to speak, and show that this decision was not made without carefully talking everything out and looking for solutions. I just don't see where there is anyway I can stay at this point.

I think you need to go into it with an open mind. When I went into counseling I had my mind made up. That so far, has turned out to be a mistake. We will see how the future plays out. Do whatever you can to save your marriage.I think I mentioned toys and pron earlier in this thread. That was not a joke. Maybe she has some pent-up "kink" that needs to be unleashed. Even if that didn't last, it would still be fun for a while.

This has moved beyond sex at this point. That was the huge elephant in the room that was hiding a whole zoo worth of problems.

i am not sure of the innuendo here....is the elephant your penis?

 

[RudiStein]

i am not sure of the innuendo here....is the elephant your penis?

 

[urbanhack]

Jesus. Get out.

this

Pretty sure it should tell you something when LHUCKS and I agree for the first time in about 18 months.

I agree completely.

While technically I'm not a professional psychologist, based on what you've said in here, I can't possibly see how counseling will fix your marriage.If I were you, I wouldn't do counseling. And I would start planning my exit strategy now, without telling her, obviously.

Best of luck, on whatever you decide.

I guess I would do both. Try counseling and plan your exit strategy.

This is my plan. The counseling is covered by insurance, and it's going to allow everything to come out in front of an impartial person. The writing on the wall, so to speak, and show that this decision was not made without carefully talking everything out and looking for solutions. I just don't see where there is anyway I can stay at this point.

I think you need to go into it with an open mind. When I went into counseling I had my mind made up. That so far, has turned out to be a mistake. We will see how the future plays out. Do whatever you can to save your marriage.I think I mentioned toys and pron earlier in this thread. That was not a joke. Maybe she has some pent-up "kink" that needs to be unleashed. Even if that didn't last, it would still be fun for a while.

This has moved beyond sex at this point. That was the huge elephant in the room that was hiding a whole zoo worth of problems.

It usually is. Bad sex and lack of a love life is a leading indicator of other issues.

 

[Pick]

When I was divorced I realized my biggest mistake early in our marriage was to make her happy regardless of the situation. I felt like by making her happy it would make our marriage even better. My biggest change now is that while it's important for both people to be happy where there are things that you know you shouldn't allow stick to your guns. You can't make your spouse happy all the time and funny enough by thinking you are making them happy by letting them do whatever they way they ultimately become unhappy. My dating life has been leaps and bounds better because I realized this.

And to add when I started to put my foot down years into our marriage it was too late. Once the damage is done it's extremely difficult to correct.

same here. you have no idea of the "monster" you create until it's too late.

So you guys think you would still be married to your exes if only you had put your foot down early?

either that or never marriedor divorced years earlier

Exactly. Some issues can't be solved but the tragedy is when they go on and on for weeks/months/years. But easy to say sitting where I sit.

 

[Zow]

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

Actually, I was assuming the opposite. It's not logical and reasonable for a wife to expect her husband to continue treating her like he did when they were dating (at least all the time), especially when the rigors of life get in the way. My point is that we need to understand that today's woman does expect us to continue treating them that way even after we're married regardless, and if we choose to marry them in spite of knowing all of this information, that's on us.

I am a rookie though, and I might be looking at being called up to the bigs soon. Hopefully I'm not way off base in thinking that my future wife won't lose interest in me if I continue to show my love and compassion for her.

How long have you lived together?

About six days now. We've had a great two years and are taking the next step. It's basically a trial run. I can't imagine marrying someone unless I was positive I could live with them on a daily basis.

I wonder how many of the guys having issues with their wives lived with the future spouse for a while (2 years+ is my plan) first? You can, and will, learn a lot about a person when you live with them.

Oh yeah, man, you're in for a huge wake up call. It will start with both of you coming home telling each other about your day. And then, you'll say something like "Susie in accounting was telling the whole office about her trip to Jamaica...sounds like a nice place." And BOOM...the seed will be now planted in your chick's head that she should keep an eye on Susie so whenever you say another word about Susie....BAM....you're cheating or want to have sexy time with Susie. Have you two talked about pooping arrangements? Will she close the door or give you a heads up when she is going?

Also, I know you talked in the past about owning a BMW what to do with some money you ran into (what to pay off and what not)....have you thought about a prenup? Does she have money?

These all things to think about.

This thread is so awful I may as well bring in the the ex into the conversation. I remember the first night we officially lived together, after about six months of sex-filled, no-drama, no-fighting, wonderfulness, leaning over to her after everyone who helped us moved had left and asking her where she wanted to chrisen (sp?) our new place. She replied that she was tired and just wanted to go to bed and we could have sex some other night because "we can do that anytime now." I remember lying on the couch a few minutes later, alone, confused as hell. That was the first leaning towards the downhill slope of finding out we weren't meant to live together.

 

[RudiStein]

This thread is so awful I may as well bring in the the ex into the conversation.

oh god

 

[urbanhack]

 

[Zow]

 

[5Rings]

This thread is so awful I may as well bring in the the ex into the conversation.

oh god

may as well

 

[Disco Stu]

This has moved beyond sex at this point. That was the huge elephant in the room that was hiding a whole zoo worth of problems.

My advice...1. Start hiding money.2. Start working on divorce papers.3. Start doing P90X.4. ??5. Profit.

 

[Athol Kay]

Hi there,

just happened to see my name and linkage to my blog and book in this thread. Very much appreciated.

I don't want to turn this into anymore of a sales pitch than it is, but the book costs about 3-4 minutes of a divorce lawyers hourly fee and is far more enjoyable. It's practical, hard hitting advice about how women really work. No frills, no fancypants cover, nothing but book. Easy reading.

http://www.marriedmansexlife.com is the blog, and you can read some of the first parts of the book there in the tabs across the top of the blog.

 

[mr. furley]

 

[Walton Goggins]

When I was divorced I realized my biggest mistake early in our marriage was to make her happy regardless of the situation. I felt like by making her happy it would make our marriage even better. My biggest change now is that while it's important for both people to be happy where there are things that you know you shouldn't allow stick to your guns. You can't make your spouse happy all the time and funny enough by thinking you are making them happy by letting them do whatever they way they ultimately become unhappy. My dating life has been leaps and bounds better because I realized this.

And to add when I started to put my foot down years into our marriage it was too late. Once the damage is done it's extremely difficult to correct.

same here. you have no idea of the "monster" you create until it's too late.

Logical thinking is you do nice things for someone you care about they will appreciate it. Got to throw logic out the window when it comes to certain things and this is one of them. Be nice and care for your spouse but don't make her happy regardless of the situation because you will create a monster as you put it