Wife uses sex as a weapon (1 Viewer)

[rascal]

I need a picture of a 2.

 

[Tiny Dancer]

Does the #2 have skills?

Probably.

Just for the record, what will the ugly one let me do to her?

She's up for pretty much anything most of the time.

 

[mozzy84]

I'll take the sex with a 2 over killing myself for a 10. On some level, looks are overrated anyway, and 2's usually try a lot harder because they know they are 2's. I've never been a believer in the trophy spouse aspect of relationships so I really don't care what other people think or say.

I'll take "Things a chubby chaser would say" for $500.

I really wasn't even thinking of weight. IS that in the hype-o? Anything over like 200 pounds is a problem.I hate these things. The question never has enough information and the mental gymnastics get frustrating.

if someone is rated a 2, yea they are going to be overwieght

 

[Tiny Dancer]

I'll take the sex with a 2 over killing myself for a 10. On some level, looks are overrated anyway, and 2's usually try a lot harder because they know they are 2's. I've never been a believer in the trophy spouse aspect of relationships so I really don't care what other people think or say.

I'll take "Things a chubby chaser would say" for $500.

I really wasn't even thinking of weight. IS that in the hype-o? Anything over like 200 pounds is a problem.

The hypo just says "ugly" but I don't think it's a bad assumption that most women that would qualify would be overweight. I suppose there might be some skinny women with trainwreck faces that would also be candidates.

 

[Third]

I'll take the sex with a 2 over killing myself for a 10. On some level, looks are overrated anyway, and 2's usually try a lot harder because they know they are 2's. I've never been a believer in the trophy spouse aspect of relationships so I really don't care what other people think or say.

I'll take "Things a chubby chaser would say" for $500.

I really wasn't even thinking of weight. IS that in the hype-o? Anything over like 200 pounds is a problem.I hate these things. The question never has enough information and the mental gymnastics get frustrating.

if someone is rated a 2, yea they are going to be overwieght

Pair of skinny deuces.

 

[comfortably numb]

I'll take the sex with a 2 over killing myself for a 10. On some level, looks are overrated anyway, and 2's usually try a lot harder because they know they are 2's. I've never been a believer in the trophy spouse aspect of relationships so I really don't care what other people think or say.

I'll take "Things a chubby chaser would say" for $500.

I really wasn't even thinking of weight. IS that in the hype-o? Anything over like 200 pounds is a problem.I hate these things. The question never has enough information and the mental gymnastics get frustrating.

if someone is rated a 2, yea they are going to be overwieght

Pair of skinny deuces.

21

 

[rascal]

I'll take the sex with a 2 over killing myself for a 10. On some level, looks are overrated anyway, and 2's usually try a lot harder because they know they are 2's. I've never been a believer in the trophy spouse aspect of relationships so I really don't care what other people think or say.

I'll take "Things a chubby chaser would say" for $500.

I really wasn't even thinking of weight. IS that in the hype-o? Anything over like 200 pounds is a problem.I hate these things. The question never has enough information and the mental gymnastics get frustrating.

if someone is rated a 2, yea they are going to be overwieght

Pair of skinny deuces.

A budy said, maybe one on left. Be rough with her and beat the hell out of her in bed to make up for me hating how she looked

 

[monkeysee]

Sounds like shes not physically attracted to you anymore, plain and simple. If thats the case, there may not be anything you can do. Sometimes once the fire is gone, its gone. Gllllll. Sorry I cant offer any quality advice here, but Im kind of on the other side of the fence here. Was with my GF for 15 years, and my attraction just got up and went, so I left a year ago. I still think the world of her, but physically, Im just not into it unless Im really drunk (we hang out sometimes, and once in a while we will have teh secks because of alcohol, but thats about it)

*goodposting*Chances are she is seeing someone else as well. Best to get out now and find someone that is into you than waste the rest of your life trying to make her love you again. Sometimes the fire just goes out as Wingnut mentioned.

 

[iamsmilin]

If you had to choose between being married to an attractive woman who hates sex or an ugly woman who loves sex, which would you prefer? This question is not directed to anyone in particular. And a few rules to make this official:1) You can't cheat on your wife or be a swinger in either circumstance.2) You can't buy a bunch of plastic surgery to make the ugly one hot.3) The attractive one will give you sex occasionally, but very infrequently and begrudgingly.4) You cannot choose to be single or gay and you can't say that you would marry some other woman. It's gotta be one of these two.

For the love of God, please set up a new thread. The responses are killing me and I think this can only get better.

 

[Tiny Dancer]

If you had to choose between being married to an attractive woman who hates sex or an ugly woman who loves sex, which would you prefer? This question is not directed to anyone in particular. And a few rules to make this official:1) You can't cheat on your wife or be a swinger in either circumstance.2) You can't buy a bunch of plastic surgery to make the ugly one hot.3) The attractive one will give you sex occasionally, but very infrequently and begrudgingly.4) You cannot choose to be single or gay and you can't say that you would marry some other woman. It's gotta be one of these two.

For the love of God, please set up a new thread. The responses are killing me and I think this can only get better.

For a variety of reasons I would prefer not to. You can do it if you want.

 

[iamsmilin]

If you had to choose between being married to an attractive woman who hates sex or an ugly woman who loves sex, which would you prefer? This question is not directed to anyone in particular. And a few rules to make this official:1) You can't cheat on your wife or be a swinger in either circumstance.2) You can't buy a bunch of plastic surgery to make the ugly one hot.3) The attractive one will give you sex occasionally, but very infrequently and begrudgingly.4) You cannot choose to be single or gay and you can't say that you would marry some other woman. It's gotta be one of these two.

For the love of God, please set up a new thread. The responses are killing me and I think this can only get better.

For a variety of reasons I would prefer not to. You can do it if you want.

Done.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

So my wife who is in her first trimester, pregnant with our 3rd, just said to me in tears "Please don't ask or talk about sex anymore". I think I've mentioned or joked about sex maybe 3 times in last 4 weeks. She suffers from depression and thus went off her medicine when she discovered she was pregnant. YEAAAAH ME!!!

If she is pregnant her mind is screwed up anyway, especially so since she is off her anti-depresents.Your next 6 months are going to be hell...might as well prepare yourself.

Yep. I resisted, resisted, and resisted some more on having another kid, but she eventually wore me down (that and rolling the dice on a girl). All rationality on why it wouldn't be prudent to have a third went out the door with her when discussing it. I think more than anything all I want to do is scream "SEE, I TOLD YOU SO!!" I'm thinking that wouldn't go over so well in our quality of life.Anyone know how to fake your own death?

PM domer.

 

[johnnycakes]

I'll take the sex with a 2 over killing myself for a 10. On some level, looks are overrated anyway, and 2's usually try a lot harder because they know they are 2's. I've never been a believer in the trophy spouse aspect of relationships so I really don't care what other people think or say.

I'll take "Things a chubby chaser would say" for $500.

I really wasn't even thinking of weight. IS that in the hype-o? Anything over like 200 pounds is a problem.I hate these things. The question never has enough information and the mental gymnastics get frustrating.

if someone is rated a 2, yea they are going to be overwieght

Pair of skinny deuces.

best post of this whole 15-page debacle.

 

[peaces]

I'll take the sex with a 2 over killing myself for a 10. On some level, looks are overrated anyway, and 2's usually try a lot harder because they know they are 2's. I've never been a believer in the trophy spouse aspect of relationships so I really don't care what other people think or say.

I'll take "Things a chubby chaser would say" for $500.

I really wasn't even thinking of weight. IS that in the hype-o? Anything over like 200 pounds is a problem.I hate these things. The question never has enough information and the mental gymnastics get frustrating.

if someone is rated a 2, yea they are going to be overwieght

Pair of skinny deuces.

best post of this whole 15-page debacle.

Does it count as a 4 if you bang them at the same time?

 

[Chaka]

Is alcohol free with the #2? I don't want to break the bank.

 

[Buddy Ball 2K3]

Is alcohol free with the #2? I don't want to break the bank.

Alcohol would only prolong things.

 

[Chaka]

Is alcohol free with the #2? I don't want to break the bank.

Alcohol would only prolong things.

No alcohol, no things to prolong.

 

[Third]

I'll take the sex with a 2 over killing myself for a 10. On some level, looks are overrated anyway, and 2's usually try a lot harder because they know they are 2's. I've never been a believer in the trophy spouse aspect of relationships so I really don't care what other people think or say.

I'll take "Things a chubby chaser would say" for $500.

I really wasn't even thinking of weight. IS that in the hype-o? Anything over like 200 pounds is a problem.I hate these things. The question never has enough information and the mental gymnastics get frustrating.

if someone is rated a 2, yea they are going to be overwieght

Pair of skinny deuces.

best post of this whole 15-page debacle.

Does it count as a 4 if you bang them at the same time?

I think in that unfortunate case, you would need to subtract.So, zero.

 

[Sweet J]

I'll take the sex with a 2 over killing myself for a 10. On some level, looks are overrated anyway, and 2's usually try a lot harder because they know they are 2's. I've never been a believer in the trophy spouse aspect of relationships so I really don't care what other people think or say.

Who said "I've never had sex with a 10, but I've had sex with five 2's"? George Carlin? Steve Martin?

 

[tommyboy]

i'd take the 10. I figure i can grudge #### the hell out of her once a month for like a marathon, she wouldn't be able to walk or talk for a day or two afterwards.

 

[bakes]

Start doing whatever the hell you want - all night poker games, road trips with the boys, inviting bands over, you name it. When she #####es at you about it, say "What are you going to do, stop having sex with me? Already played that card, snookums...." ideally within earshot of your friends.

Then when you wake up from the skillet to the head....

 

[Tchula]

Sex is to men as affection is to women. completely cut her off from affection because you're "not in the mood" She will get the hint.

 

[LongDuckDong]

I think the most interesting thing in this thread is that I think the men who are married to women who legitimately want to make their marriages work, even if it's hard work, they can't understand the divorce concept.

And if you're married to a woman who doesn't give a damn because she'll live her life how she damn well pleases...well, tough way to live. Nice knowing there are others in that situation even though I know how much it sucks.

 

[crnerblitz]

I'll take the sex with a 2 over killing myself for a 10. On some level, looks are overrated anyway, and 2's usually try a lot harder because they know they are 2's. I've never been a believer in the trophy spouse aspect of relationships so I really don't care what other people think or say.

I'll take "Things a chubby chaser would say" for $500.

I really wasn't even thinking of weight. IS that in the hype-o? Anything over like 200 pounds is a problem.I hate these things. The question never has enough information and the mental gymnastics get frustrating.

if someone is rated a 2, yea they are going to be overwieght

Pair of skinny deuces.

21

I laughed so hard I choked. P.O.T.M.

 

[Bogart]

Bogart: "Don't forget I'm going to the Ranger game tonight."

Mrs Bogart: "OK. Don't forget we have our appointment tomorrow."

Bogart: "Ummm, it's actually on Thursday."

Mrs Bogart: "Are you sure? I'm pretty sure it's tomorrow. I guess I will check."

Bogart: "Yeah, you might want to do that."

We are off to a great start here. After our series of talks, she hasn't changed a thing and while I'm counting down the days to try and solve this or move on, she can't even remember the day.

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

Bogart: "Don't forget I'm going to the Ranger game tonight."Mrs Bogart: "OK. Don't forget we have our appointment tomorrow."Bogart: "Ummm, it's actually on Thursday."Mrs Bogart: "Are you sure? I'm pretty sure it's tomorrow. I guess I will check."Bogart: "Yeah, you might want to do that."We are off to a great start here. After our series of talks, she hasn't changed a thing and while I'm counting down the days to try and solve this or move on, she can't even remember the day.

You'll always have baseball ball.Good luck in the appt Bogart. You are the reason I keep checking back in here.

 

[Bogart]

Bogart: "Don't forget I'm going to the Ranger game tonight."Mrs Bogart: "OK. Don't forget we have our appointment tomorrow."Bogart: "Ummm, it's actually on Thursday."Mrs Bogart: "Are you sure? I'm pretty sure it's tomorrow. I guess I will check."Bogart: "Yeah, you might want to do that."We are off to a great start here. After our series of talks, she hasn't changed a thing and while I'm counting down the days to try and solve this or move on, she can't even remember the day.

You'll always have baseball ball.Good luck in the appt Bogart. You are the reason I keep checking back in here.

Thanks Buck. Sometimes feel silly or stupid posting updates like this, but its therapy, so I just say F it.:babyarm::champchamp:

 

[optionmaven]

I read the first three pages of thread and last page. Has anyone asked what kind of weapon yet? Are we talking a ninja throwing star or a sai? Is it a mace or a slingshot? Was it the candlestick in the observatory?

 

[Exit 1]

Bogart: "Don't forget I'm going to the Ranger game tonight."Mrs Bogart: "OK. Don't forget we have our appointment tomorrow."Bogart: "Ummm, it's actually on Thursday."Mrs Bogart: "Are you sure? I'm pretty sure it's tomorrow. I guess I will check."Bogart: "Yeah, you might want to do that."We are off to a great start here. After our series of talks, she hasn't changed a thing and while I'm counting down the days to try and solve this or move on, she can't even remember the day.

It doesn't sound like she's taking all of this very serious. How old did you say your kids are? Does she work or is she a stay at home mom?

 

[tommyboy]

that little exchange tells you all you need to know about your wifes thought process. Either she's so overwhelmed she can't keep stuff straight, or she's insane, or she just doesn't give a ####. One of those is something you can help with, the other 2...not so much

 

[Walton Goggins]

Bogart: "Don't forget I'm going to the Ranger game tonight."Mrs Bogart: "OK. Don't forget we have our appointment tomorrow."Bogart: "Ummm, it's actually on Thursday."Mrs Bogart: "Are you sure? I'm pretty sure it's tomorrow. I guess I will check."Bogart: "Yeah, you might want to do that."We are off to a great start here. After our series of talks, she hasn't changed a thing and while I'm counting down the days to try and solve this or move on, she can't even remember the day.

Guarantee you if there was a shoe/purse sale she would know exactly where and when it is.

 

[Bogart]

Bogart: "Don't forget I'm going to the Ranger game tonight."Mrs Bogart: "OK. Don't forget we have our appointment tomorrow."Bogart: "Ummm, it's actually on Thursday."Mrs Bogart: "Are you sure? I'm pretty sure it's tomorrow. I guess I will check."Bogart: "Yeah, you might want to do that."We are off to a great start here. After our series of talks, she hasn't changed a thing and while I'm counting down the days to try and solve this or move on, she can't even remember the day.

It doesn't sound like she's taking all of this very serious. How old did you say your kids are? Does she work or is she a stay at home mom?

Kids are 6 and 2. She works as well. We make almost the same salary to the dollar.

 

[Walton Goggins]

Bogart: "Don't forget I'm going to the Ranger game tonight."Mrs Bogart: "OK. Don't forget we have our appointment tomorrow."Bogart: "Ummm, it's actually on Thursday."Mrs Bogart: "Are you sure? I'm pretty sure it's tomorrow. I guess I will check."Bogart: "Yeah, you might want to do that."We are off to a great start here. After our series of talks, she hasn't changed a thing and while I'm counting down the days to try and solve this or move on, she can't even remember the day.

It doesn't sound like she's taking all of this very serious. How old did you say your kids are? Does she work or is she a stay at home mom?

Kids are 6 and 2. She works as well. We make almost the same salary to the dollar.

Bogart to Mrs. Bogart "You'd better wake the F up and start bogarting my bogart or #### is about to get real"

 

[Walton Goggins]

Bogart - at the time of my separation my kids were almost 2 and almost 4 and while this was a huge concern of mine I can honestly say they are very well adjusted kids (4 and 6 now). Hopefully it won't come to a divorce but I am almost promise you if it does once the initial adjustment period is worn off you and your kids will be better off. This doesn't mean that everything will be OK during the separation (which to me I think is actually worse than when you are legally divorced) and divorce but kids at that age can adapt very well. Also if it comes to that I would recommend them (and you) to see a therapist that specializes in adults who are about to become a single parent and someone who is highly recommended in regards to dealing with children at your children's ages.

 

[Bogart]

Bogart - at the time of my separation my kids were almost 2 and almost 4 and while this was a huge concern of mine I can honestly say they are very well adjusted kids (4 and 6 now). Hopefully it won't come to a divorce but I am almost promise you if it does once the initial adjustment period is worn off you and your kids will be better off. This doesn't mean that everything will be OK during the separation (which to me I think is actually worse than when you are legally divorced) and divorce but kids at that age can adapt very well. Also if it comes to that I would recommend them (and you) to see a therapist that specializes in adults who are about to become a single parent and someone who is highly recommended in regards to dealing with children at your children's ages.

Thanks GB. Still hoping for the best, but I would be lying if my mind hasn't started thinking a lot about how to handle life after marriage. Thanks for the advice.

 

[Zegras11]

Bogart - at the time of my separation my kids were almost 2 and almost 4 and while this was a huge concern of mine I can honestly say they are very well adjusted kids (4 and 6 now). Hopefully it won't come to a divorce but I am almost promise you if it does once the initial adjustment period is worn off you and your kids will be better off. This doesn't mean that everything will be OK during the separation (which to me I think is actually worse than when you are legally divorced) and divorce but kids at that age can adapt very well. Also if it comes to that I would recommend them (and you) to see a therapist that specializes in adults who are about to become a single parent and someone who is highly recommended in regards to dealing with children at your children's ages.

Thanks GB. Still hoping for the best, but I would be lying if my mind hasn't started thinking a lot about how to handle life after marriage. Thanks for the advice.

Show her tangible signs of this and she might just WTFU. If not, you'll be better off like Athol says.

 

[tommyboy]

curious.

you both work full time, earn about the same. You have a 2 yr old and 6 yr old. How much of your time is spent raising the kids compared to hers? like 70/30 her to you ratio? I mean doctors visits, school stuff, diapers, bed time, meals, laundry all of it. Because depending on this, it could a matter of your wife is just overwhelmed and resentful, and that could be the entirety of it.

 

[Bogart]

curious. you both work full time, earn about the same. You have a 2 yr old and 6 yr old. How much of your time is spent raising the kids compared to hers? like 70/30 her to you ratio? I mean doctors visits, school stuff, diapers, bed time, meals, laundry all of it. Because depending on this, it could a matter of your wife is just overwhelmed and resentful, and that could be the entirety of it.

I do my very best to make it 50/50 or more on me. I do have an hour commute each day (hers is 5 mins) so I know I lose some time, but do my best to make up for that. We share getting the kids ready in the morning and I drop them off at school/daycare to allow her getting ready in peace. She picks them up most days around 5:30 and heads home to cook dinner. She also handles the homework during that time for my 6 YO. She also handles most of the doctor's visits because she is closer to the schools. I get home between 6 and 6:30 just in time to eat dinner. I always clean the kitchen afterwards and we will share in getting the kids bathes. My 2 YO is much harder to get down (my 6 YO falls asleep watching TV with his mom) and I have been the one to get her down each night. Most nights end with me laying my 2 YO asleep in her bed, checking in my room to find both my wife and son asleep, I put him in his bed and then I watch some TV/Internet/Xbox before bed.We split the laundry chores and I do the vacuuming. We have a cleaning crew come in once every two weeks to do the heavy stuff.When we are out in public or at someone else house, I do my best to go above and beyond with the kids. My stepmom says I do 90% of the work for the kids when we are there. I don't do it begrudgingly. It's my job and I refuse to have my kids misbehave or make a huge mess out in public. My parents were the same way with us.

 

[Clifford]

I just want to add a personal tidbit for the guys seeking to work things out with SO.

So my five year anniversary rolls around and I don't get her anything. Big mistake.

Well, I make the same mistake on Mother's Day. I mean, I have cards but nothing else.

The main present is letting her sleep in, fixing breakfast for her, giving her the whole day off essentially. At the time (and in the wake of anniversary FUBAR on my part) this seems lame. I decide to pop open the Macbook while the kid is watching cartoons and I use a standard menu template to make her a mother's day menu for breakfast. Cost me nothing and only took about 10 minutes.

She LOVED it. She showed it to my best friend's wife (her cousin, hold Alabama jokes to the end please), talked about it, got a laugh out of it (leftover Easter chocolate on dessert menu), and still talked about it days later.

Just posting this to show that sometimes all it takes are small, easily-affordable and relatively meaningless gestures to make the difference.

 

[culdeus]

curious.

you both work full time, earn about the same. You have a 2 yr old and 6 yr old. How much of your time is spent raising the kids compared to hers? like 70/30 her to you ratio? I mean doctors visits, school stuff, diapers, bed time, meals, laundry all of it. Because depending on this, it could a matter of your wife is just overwhelmed and resentful, and that could be the entirety of it.

I do my very best to make it 50/50 or more on me. I do have an hour commute each day (hers is 5 mins) so I know I lose some time, but do my best to make up for that. We share getting the kids ready in the morning and I drop them off at school/daycare to allow her getting ready in peace. She picks them up most days around 5:30 and heads home to cook dinner. She also handles the homework during that time for my 6 YO. She also handles most of the doctor's visits because she is closer to the schools. I get home between 6 and 6:30 just in time to eat dinner. I always clean the kitchen afterwards and we will share in getting the kids bathes. My 2 YO is much harder to get down (my 6 YO falls asleep watching TV with his mom) and I have been the one to get her down each night. Most nights end with me laying my 2 YO asleep in her bed, checking in my room to find both my wife and son asleep, I put him in his bed and then I watch some TV/Internet/Xbox before bed.We split the laundry chores and I do the vacuuming. We have a cleaning crew come in once every two weeks to do the heavy stuff.

When we are out in public or at someone else house, I do my best to go above and beyond with the kids. My stepmom says I do 90% of the work for the kids when we are there. I don't do it begrudgingly. It's my job and I refuse to have my kids misbehave or make a huge mess out in public. My parents were the same way with us.

Break this one out a bit.

 

[Bogart]

curious.

you both work full time, earn about the same. You have a 2 yr old and 6 yr old. How much of your time is spent raising the kids compared to hers? like 70/30 her to you ratio? I mean doctors visits, school stuff, diapers, bed time, meals, laundry all of it. Because depending on this, it could a matter of your wife is just overwhelmed and resentful, and that could be the entirety of it.

I do my very best to make it 50/50 or more on me. I do have an hour commute each day (hers is 5 mins) so I know I lose some time, but do my best to make up for that. We share getting the kids ready in the morning and I drop them off at school/daycare to allow her getting ready in peace. She picks them up most days around 5:30 and heads home to cook dinner. She also handles the homework during that time for my 6 YO. She also handles most of the doctor's visits because she is closer to the schools. I get home between 6 and 6:30 just in time to eat dinner. I always clean the kitchen afterwards and we will share in getting the kids bathes. My 2 YO is much harder to get down (my 6 YO falls asleep watching TV with his mom) and I have been the one to get her down each night. Most nights end with me laying my 2 YO asleep in her bed, checking in my room to find both my wife and son asleep, I put him in his bed and then I watch some TV/Internet/Xbox before bed.We split the laundry chores and I do the vacuuming. We have a cleaning crew come in once every two weeks to do the heavy stuff.

When we are out in public or at someone else house, I do my best to go above and beyond with the kids. My stepmom says I do 90% of the work for the kids when we are there. I don't do it begrudgingly. It's my job and I refuse to have my kids misbehave or make a huge mess out in public. My parents were the same way with us.

Break this one out a bit.

After dinner, baths and time with the kids, I go to get the 2 YO down. This takes a bit of rocking or just patting her back as she lays on her bed. Then I go and clean the kitchen which takes 30-40 minutes depending on everything I need to do. During this time, my wife is in bed watching Stargate or something on Netflix. My son likes to watch with her and fall asleep. After I am done with the evening chores, I go in, normally both are asleep, so I turn off the TV and put him in his bed.

 

[Bull Dozier]

curious. you both work full time, earn about the same. You have a 2 yr old and 6 yr old. How much of your time is spent raising the kids compared to hers? like 70/30 her to you ratio? I mean doctors visits, school stuff, diapers, bed time, meals, laundry all of it. Because depending on this, it could a matter of your wife is just overwhelmed and resentful, and that could be the entirety of it.

I do my very best to make it 50/50 or more on me. I do have an hour commute each day (hers is 5 mins) so I know I lose some time, but do my best to make up for that. We share getting the kids ready in the morning and I drop them off at school/daycare to allow her getting ready in peace. She picks them up most days around 5:30 and heads home to cook dinner. She also handles the homework during that time for my 6 YO. She also handles most of the doctor's visits because she is closer to the schools. I get home between 6 and 6:30 just in time to eat dinner. I always clean the kitchen afterwards and we will share in getting the kids bathes. My 2 YO is much harder to get down (my 6 YO falls asleep watching TV with his mom) and I have been the one to get her down each night. Most nights end with me laying my 2 YO asleep in her bed, checking in my room to find both my wife and son asleep, I put him in his bed and then I watch some TV/Internet/Xbox before bed.We split the laundry chores and I do the vacuuming. We have a cleaning crew come in once every two weeks to do the heavy stuff.When we are out in public or at someone else house, I do my best to go above and beyond with the kids. My stepmom says I do 90% of the work for the kids when we are there. I don't do it begrudgingly. It's my job and I refuse to have my kids misbehave or make a huge mess out in public. My parents were the same way with us.

Bogart,I know this isn't the type of advice you are looking for, but I'd strongly suggest changing your evening routine. Most of the time, bed time routines aren't grown out of. They have to be broken at some point. If you're laying in bed to get the 2 year old to sleep, she's going to expect that until you stop. Same with the six year old. They don't just get tired one night and say "I'm ready to go to bed by myself." They do what they know to relax at night.I have a neice, now 15, who couldn't fall asleep if one of her parents weren't right outside her door. My sister would have to sit up there in the hallway until she fell asleep, or she threw a fit (starting around 2 if I remember correctly). My sister sat outside her door for four years waiting for her to grow out of it, until realizing she wasn't going to. She had to go through several weeks of hell to break the habit, but it was finally broken, and was a great stress relief to all involved.While this isn't the root of all your problems, it is a cause of stress, and will continue to be until it's addressed.Good luck to you in this, and all your journeys.

 

[Bogart]

curious. you both work full time, earn about the same. You have a 2 yr old and 6 yr old. How much of your time is spent raising the kids compared to hers? like 70/30 her to you ratio? I mean doctors visits, school stuff, diapers, bed time, meals, laundry all of it. Because depending on this, it could a matter of your wife is just overwhelmed and resentful, and that could be the entirety of it.

I do my very best to make it 50/50 or more on me. I do have an hour commute each day (hers is 5 mins) so I know I lose some time, but do my best to make up for that. We share getting the kids ready in the morning and I drop them off at school/daycare to allow her getting ready in peace. She picks them up most days around 5:30 and heads home to cook dinner. She also handles the homework during that time for my 6 YO. She also handles most of the doctor's visits because she is closer to the schools. I get home between 6 and 6:30 just in time to eat dinner. I always clean the kitchen afterwards and we will share in getting the kids bathes. My 2 YO is much harder to get down (my 6 YO falls asleep watching TV with his mom) and I have been the one to get her down each night. Most nights end with me laying my 2 YO asleep in her bed, checking in my room to find both my wife and son asleep, I put him in his bed and then I watch some TV/Internet/Xbox before bed.We split the laundry chores and I do the vacuuming. We have a cleaning crew come in once every two weeks to do the heavy stuff.When we are out in public or at someone else house, I do my best to go above and beyond with the kids. My stepmom says I do 90% of the work for the kids when we are there. I don't do it begrudgingly. It's my job and I refuse to have my kids misbehave or make a huge mess out in public. My parents were the same way with us.

Bogart,I know this isn't the type of advice you are looking for, but I'd strongly suggest changing your evening routine. Most of the time, bed time routines aren't grown out of. They have to be broken at some point. If you're laying in bed to get the 2 year old to sleep, she's going to expect that until you stop. Same with the six year old. They don't just get tired one night and say "I'm ready to go to bed by myself." They do what they know to relax at night.I have a neice, now 15, who couldn't fall asleep if one of her parents weren't right outside her door. My sister would have to sit up there in the hallway until she fell asleep, or she threw a fit (starting around 2 if I remember correctly). My sister sat outside her door for four years waiting for her to grow out of it, until realizing she wasn't going to. She had to go through several weeks of hell to break the habit, but it was finally broken, and was a great stress relief to all involved.While this isn't the root of all your problems, it is a cause of stress, and will continue to be until it's addressed.Good luck to you in this, and all your journeys.

I know where you are coming from, and I understand. It use to be a night long process for the 2 YO, and I have worked it down to less than 5 mins for her to get to sleep. I have discussed the 6 YO with my wife about him falling asleep in his bed, but she says that that is their "special time" where he gets attention and one-on-one time with her. (Perverts, stay away from that last statement.)The main thing is that my wife now falls asleep so early, it has become what works for most everyone in the house.

 

[Walton Goggins]

I just want to add a personal tidbit for the guys seeking to work things out with SO.So my five year anniversary rolls around and I don't get her anything. Big mistake.Well, I make the same mistake on Mother's Day. I mean, I have cards but nothing else.The main present is letting her sleep in, fixing breakfast for her, giving her the whole day off essentially. At the time (and in the wake of anniversary FUBAR on my part) this seems lame. I decide to pop open the Macbook while the kid is watching cartoons and I use a standard menu template to make her a mother's day menu for breakfast. Cost me nothing and only took about 10 minutes.She LOVED it. She showed it to my best friend's wife (her cousin, hold Alabama jokes to the end please), talked about it, got a laugh out of it (leftover Easter chocolate on dessert menu), and still talked about it days later.Just posting this to show that sometimes all it takes are small, easily-affordable and relatively meaningless gestures to make the difference.

They are waaaaaay beyond this point

 

[Clifford]

Does he really know that? Maybe taking things so damn serious and trying to "confront" the problem with therapy is not the way to go. He started this thread seeming like he wanted things to work out. Maybe pouring their guts out about what horrible disappointments they are to each other is exactly what they DON'T need to do.

I know we have one of the highest divorce rates in the world. I'm willing to bet we also have one of the highest spends on marriage counseling. Maybe the way to resurrect a marriage is not to dig through the myriad ways you stopped being in love.

Maybe it's putting as much effort into making that person falling in love you again as you did the first time.

Anyway, it was mainly meant for people still trying to salvage. If he's beyond that then it isn't for him.

 

[culdeus]

curious.

you both work full time, earn about the same. You have a 2 yr old and 6 yr old. How much of your time is spent raising the kids compared to hers? like 70/30 her to you ratio? I mean doctors visits, school stuff, diapers, bed time, meals, laundry all of it. Because depending on this, it could a matter of your wife is just overwhelmed and resentful, and that could be the entirety of it.

I do my very best to make it 50/50 or more on me. I do have an hour commute each day (hers is 5 mins) so I know I lose some time, but do my best to make up for that. We share getting the kids ready in the morning and I drop them off at school/daycare to allow her getting ready in peace. She picks them up most days around 5:30 and heads home to cook dinner. She also handles the homework during that time for my 6 YO. She also handles most of the doctor's visits because she is closer to the schools. I get home between 6 and 6:30 just in time to eat dinner. I always clean the kitchen afterwards and we will share in getting the kids bathes. My 2 YO is much harder to get down (my 6 YO falls asleep watching TV with his mom) and I have been the one to get her down each night. Most nights end with me laying my 2 YO asleep in her bed, checking in my room to find both my wife and son asleep, I put him in his bed and then I watch some TV/Internet/Xbox before bed.We split the laundry chores and I do the vacuuming. We have a cleaning crew come in once every two weeks to do the heavy stuff.

When we are out in public or at someone else house, I do my best to go above and beyond with the kids. My stepmom says I do 90% of the work for the kids when we are there. I don't do it begrudgingly. It's my job and I refuse to have my kids misbehave or make a huge mess out in public. My parents were the same way with us.

Bogart,I know this isn't the type of advice you are looking for, but I'd strongly suggest changing your evening routine. Most of the time, bed time routines aren't grown out of. They have to be broken at some point. If you're laying in bed to get the 2 year old to sleep, she's going to expect that until you stop. Same with the six year old. They don't just get tired one night and say "I'm ready to go to bed by myself." They do what they know to relax at night.

I have a neice, now 15, who couldn't fall asleep if one of her parents weren't right outside her door. My sister would have to sit up there in the hallway until she fell asleep, or she threw a fit (starting around 2 if I remember correctly). My sister sat outside her door for four years waiting for her to grow out of it, until realizing she wasn't going to. She had to go through several weeks of hell to break the habit, but it was finally broken, and was a great stress relief to all involved.

While this isn't the root of all your problems, it is a cause of stress, and will continue to be until it's addressed.

Good luck to you in this, and all your journeys.

I know where you are coming from, and I understand. It use to be a night long process for the 2 YO, and I have worked it down to less than 5 mins for her to get to sleep. I have discussed the 6 YO with my wife about him falling asleep in his bed, but she says that that is their "special time" where he gets attention and one-on-one time with her. (Perverts, stay away from that last statement.)The main thing is that my wife now falls asleep so early, it has become what works for most everyone in the house.

Everyone but you.This is your problem here.

 

[Bogart]

Does he really know that? Maybe taking things so damn serious and trying to "confront" the problem with therapy is not the way to go. He started this thread seeming like he wanted things to work out. Maybe pouring their guts out about what horrible disappointments they are to each other is exactly what they DON'T need to do. I know we have one of the highest divorce rates in the world. I'm willing to bet we also have one of the highest spends on marriage counseling. Maybe the way to resurrect a marriage is not to dig through the myriad ways you stopped being in love.Maybe it's putting as much effort into making that person falling in love you again as you did the first time.Anyway, it was mainly meant for people still trying to salvage. If he's beyond that then it isn't for him.

Clifford,I appreciate your comments, and you are completely correct. For many, its about getting back to what got the two of you together in the first place. I really would like to get there. I do the best I can, I call during the day to see how her day is going, send text messages telling her I love her, etc. On our 10th anniversary, I got her a ring that she really wanted and gave it to her right at midnight (our anniversary is New Years Day.) The gift was received with a "how, how nice" a smile, a peck on the lips and then she went back to watching something on TV.I will be the first to admit I'm not the biggest romantic, but I do the best with what I have, and it is just not getting responses anymore.

 

[Walton Goggins]

Does he really know that? Maybe taking things so damn serious and trying to "confront" the problem with therapy is not the way to go. He started this thread seeming like he wanted things to work out. Maybe pouring their guts out about what horrible disappointments they are to each other is exactly what they DON'T need to do. I know we have one of the highest divorce rates in the world. I'm willing to bet we also have one of the highest spends on marriage counseling. Maybe the way to resurrect a marriage is not to dig through the myriad ways you stopped being in love.Maybe it's putting as much effort into making that person falling in love you again as you did the first time.Anyway, it was mainly meant for people still trying to salvage. If he's beyond that then it isn't for him.

When it's clear your SO has checked out of the marriage and no longer cares a homemade card won't do a thing. Have you ever cut someone out of your life (co-worker, ex gf, buddy) for whatever reason or have been cut out of someone's life?Reading more on Bogart I actually think he's doing way too much. Many wives will take, take, take and no matter what you do in regards to chores, kids, work, etc. they can end up seeing you as a step n fetch, a shell of your former self. Don't put the P on a pedestal, treat your wife right but don't bend over backwards thinking that will make her happy.I think deep down he really does know the situation that will play out but until the line is fully crossed he'll continue to try and fix a problem that's all on her end.

 

[Clifford]

Big difference between a small show of affection and bending over backwards, but I get what you are saying.

 

[Walton Goggins]

I think another problem is that as men we think we can fix their problem. It's a humbling feeling to finally "get it" that that's not the case.