They both begin and end with what sounds reasonable in a marriage but the middle parts are angry and a little misogynist.
When it comes down to it, the perception seems to be that women are thinking "I'm using sex to get everything I can". What you (general you) don't seem to understand is we don't think that way. Unlike men, sex isn't the first things on our minds, (and I violently disagree with Yankee, the child care does come first) but we don't ignore it either.
I can see that. The problem becomes, however, that perception becomes reality. If all husband ever hears and sees is - do this and maybe I'll be in the mood - well, that's what it becomes. And general human nature means the wife will fall into the self fulfilling prophecy as well. And let's also be fair - woman - all woman - use sex as some form of weapon. Maybe because it is such a powerful one, probably the most powerful.The child care thing is always a fall back. I don't expect my wife to stop taking care of our son, lock him in his room, and satisfy me. That isn't my point. I do expect our relationship, however, to not become a battle because my son had friends over one day and they were loud and annoyed her. Far too many people use their kids as weapons and shields. We all need to get over ourselves on that one. People have been having kids forever. You can survive.
I notice that men compare the sex while dating and sex while married or after kids without thinking how much changes in between. All the fights about chores, all the late nights with out sleep, etc. No woman goes into marriage thinking that they are gonna have less sex with their husbands (I know I didn't), but things in life change.
Again, granted. When we were dating neither of us was overweight and didn't have the massive responsibilities we have now that take time away from family life. I could lock us in the bedroom for a day and not have a problem. The problem, again, is that life changes for us too. Husbands work just as hard (if they are doing it right) yet still have needs. Those needs don't go away. They may deminish a little, but to use one of the above posts as an example - 8 months? Really? I'm sorry. You're life isn't that stressed out unless you are in the ICU on a ventilator.
What it seems to come down to is this philosophy about housework and things that needs to be done. Men come home and relax thinking, X Y and Z will get done later. Women come hoem and think, X Y and Z need to get done and then I can relax.
I do agree with this - when I come home I need 10 minutes to defuse. I don't need to be bombarded at the door with a honey-do list, complaints about mothers in law and everything else. I deal with that at work. Conversly, I do understand that wives may wnat to get stuff done first so that they don't have to think about it. There is a comfortable medium, and falling into using sex as the carrot to get those things done is the wrong way to go. Like I said, the laundry can wait. So can the dishes. Or, to do something that works well - include those 'chores' in foreplay. It works.
I hate having the will you help me with X or Y fight, because it comes of as #####ing or nagging. So guess what, I do it all myself and by the time I get to relax, it's time for bed and I am too tired. If you see that X Y and Z need to get done, get up and do one. It makes me feel appreciated and gives me more time to relax. It's not that hard.
Agreed. Do whatever you have to do to make your wife happy. Grow up and be a man. Two people dealing with a full dishwasher, 2 loads of laundry and maybe the vacumming of one room can bang it out in 30 minutes. Guess what else you can bang out in 30 minutes?But not talking about it and just doing it yourself to stop a fight is the very very wrong way to go. Again, communication is key. If you can't talk about everything and anything with your spouse you're doing it wrong. Slap him over the head and tell him to get up. And when he's getting up kiss him. Let him know that you just want a clear mind to focus on him later. Bang, done. CAn I mow the lawn too to make sure you don't get ahead of yourself in the worrying? It's not that hard. If a husband knows he is not a chore filled with guilt but a desire that shewants to get to but needs to get the other stuff out of the way, it's an easier thing to contemplate and resolve then - no, you can't have any, the laundry is a mess you don't help me, I won't even bother asking anymore and your mother is coming over tomorrow so I'm sure I'll get yelled at for something from her too.How about some teamwork? If he isn't pulling his weight, tell him. And tell him why it's making his life miserable. If you aren't pulling your weight, don't be surprised when he tells you - or like so many men drifts back into his own mind and makes it far worse than it needs to be. The cycle repeats.
Personally I've had this fight with my husband and this thread has helped a lot. It's given me a few different perspectives and made me evaluate what I should do. So thanks for that.
The point is you both have to work. It isn't a scenario where you will work when the other does - you both will be waiting far too long in your own minds. Both of you need to get up and do the dishes, or get the groceries, or move that box from the living room to the attic that's been there for months, or take your clothes off and have a romp. I don't expect my wife to be thinking about sex every single waking moment - I've got that covered. I do expect her to want to make me happy. She should expect no less from me.
No one should put up with this level of selfishness, lack of empathy and love. Kick her to the curb and find someone capable of caring about someone other than herself.
:buttpinch:
