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Wooing my neighbor: I came. I hugged. I wooed. Now moving on. (1 Viewer)

Probably a disappointing update for most, but here we go....

Coffee date when differently than I expected but not bad. We talked for about 2.25 hours.

She text me she was a few minutes early so she went ahead and ordered her drink. I arrived and ordered black coffee. I get my coffee and make my way over to the corner, 2-person table she picked out. 

I was wearing a (NON-LOGO'd....Oats>sup) athletic fit polo, flat-front khakis and dress shoes. Marissa was wearing an off-white colored blouse, and maroon knee-length skirt and she looked absolutely gorgeous, as usual. 

I led with some idle chit chat and then she asked me to tell her some of the promised stories about my past. So I just started talking. She listened attentively. She added comments here and there. She was patient as I struggled for words in some parts. She was understanding and compassionate about what I was telling her. So that was probably the first half of the date. Then it was her turn. She bared a bit of her soul to me, honestly. She told me some things that I feel like were not easy for her to tell, but I think me telling her about my past helped her to open up to me some. 

I believe I may have misspoken here, due to my own misunderstanding. She and her ex are not officially divorced for another month or so, but they have been separated for a couple of years, so I had mixed that up, but as I had stated, he is essentially out of the picture as far as her kids are concerned.  So she told me about some of that history. She has some baggage, but I would say that 99% of us that have an ex, especially with kids involved, also have baggage. I know I sure do, and that's a lot of what I talked about with her.  In the end, I felt like we really kind of bonded over that. 

Despite what Team Lunch Downgrade thinks, she really did have to go, as she had prior time commitments, but it worked out fine as that gave us an non-awkward stopping point. She seemed like she had more she wanted to say so I said we will have to continue this conversation soon and she replied, "yes we will" and gave me a big smile. 

I didn't feel a "ask her on a date" vibe just yet, probably just due to the serious nature of the conversation, but that's fine. I was really planning on gauging how the conversation flowed anyway. It was good conversation though, just a more serious tone. Good for a "get to know you" coffee date. I think we may need another coffee or lunch thing to get some more of the heavy history talk out of the way, then we can proceed. That's my feeling right now. I still have a good vibe, due to texts she's sent, etc., that she is interested, so I will continue at a deliberate, slow and steady pace here. There is no rush. 

I had several things in mind for conversation and didn't need any of them, as it was just natural progression of me talking, then her, and good back and forth. Nice, easy flowing conversation. 

Boring update, I know, but successful coffee date. And she already texted me (she text me first) saying thank you and thanks for listening to her. 

 
Chemical X said:
here is a major issue that our hero may not have planned for.....if he goes to starbucks, they carry lunch items.  what in the hell happens if this :coffee:  turns into someone ordering a lunch item?  jeebus, is he prepared?  I suspect he is going to get the "speech" this morning.

-I just got out of a serious relationship

-It's complicated.

-I am an escort.

-The Saints once employed a kicker with 1/2 a foot.
Click to expand...
:lol:  Excellent Dempsey reference :thumbup:  

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
Probably a disappointing update for most, but here we go....

Coffee date when differently than I expected but not bad. We talked for about 2.25 hours.

She text me she was a few minutes early so she went ahead and ordered her drink. I arrived and ordered black coffee. I get my coffee and make my way over to the corner, 2-person table she picked out. 

I was wearing a (NON-LOGO'd....Oats>sup) athletic fit polo, flat-front khakis and dress shoes. Marissa was wearing an off-white colored blouse, and maroon knee-length skirt and she looked absolutely gorgeous, as usual. 

I led with some idle chit chat and then she asked me to tell her some of the promised stories about my past. So I just started talking. She listened attentively. She added comments here and there. She was patient as I struggled for words in some parts. She was understanding and compassionate about what I was telling her. So that was probably the first half of the date. Then it was her turn. She bared a bit of her soul to me, honestly. She told me some things that I feel like were not easy for her to tell, but I think me telling her about my past helped her to open up to me some. 

I believe I may have misspoken here, due to my own misunderstanding. She and her ex are not officially divorced for another month or so, but they have been separated for a couple of years, so I had mixed that up, but as I had stated, he is essentially out of the picture as far as her kids are concerned.  So she told me about some of that history. She has some baggage, but I would say that 99% of us that have an ex, especially with kids involved, also have baggage. I know I sure do, and that's a lot of what I talked about with her.  In the end, I felt like we really kind of bonded over that. 

Despite what Team Lunch Downgrade thinks, she really did have to go, as she had prior time commitments, but it worked out fine as that gave us an non-awkward stopping point. She seemed like she had more she wanted to say so I said we will have to continue this conversation soon and she replied, "yes we will" and gave me a big smile. 

I didn't feel a "ask her on a date" vibe just yet, probably just due to the serious nature of the conversation, but that's fine. I was really planning on gauging how the conversation flowed anyway. It was good conversation though, just a more serious tone. Good for a "get to know you" coffee date. I think we may need another coffee or lunch thing to get some more of the heavy history talk out of the way, then we can proceed. That's my feeling right now. I still have a good vibe, due to texts she's sent, etc., that she is interested, so I will continue at a deliberate, slow and steady pace here. There is no rush. 

I had several things in mind for conversation and didn't need any of them, as it was just natural progression of me talking, then her, and good back and forth. Nice, easy flowing conversation. 

Boring update, I know, but successful coffee date. And she already texted me (she text me first) saying thank you and thanks for listening to her. 
Click to expand...
I am gonna have to tag out here and get someone younger to follow the thread........the pace of the woo is killing me here, I won't make it.

you gotta move on to "I'd love to continue our conversation over dinner".  you have to.  #### or get off the pot already.

:hot:

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
Probably a disappointing update for most, but here we go....

Coffee date when differently than I expected but not bad. We talked for about 2.25 hours.

She text me she was a few minutes early so she went ahead and ordered her drink. I arrived and ordered black coffee. I get my coffee and make my way over to the corner, 2-person table she picked out. 

I was wearing a (NON-LOGO'd....Oats>sup) athletic fit polo, flat-front khakis and dress shoes. Marissa was wearing an off-white colored blouse, and maroon knee-length skirt and she looked absolutely gorgeous, as usual. 

I led with some idle chit chat and then she asked me to tell her some of the promised stories about my past. So I just started talking. She listened attentively. She added comments here and there. She was patient as I struggled for words in some parts. She was understanding and compassionate about what I was telling her. So that was probably the first half of the date. Then it was her turn. She bared a bit of her soul to me, honestly. She told me some things that I feel like were not easy for her to tell, but I think me telling her about my past helped her to open up to me some. 

I believe I may have misspoken here, due to my own misunderstanding. She and her ex are not officially divorced for another month or so, but they have been separated for a couple of years, so I had mixed that up, but as I had stated, he is essentially out of the picture as far as her kids are concerned.  So she told me about some of that history. She has some baggage, but I would say that 99% of us that have an ex, especially with kids involved, also have baggage. I know I sure do, and that's a lot of what I talked about with her.  In the end, I felt like we really kind of bonded over that. 

Despite what Team Lunch Downgrade thinks, she really did have to go, as she had prior time commitments, but it worked out fine as that gave us an non-awkward stopping point. She seemed like she had more she wanted to say so I said we will have to continue this conversation soon and she replied, "yes we will" and gave me a big smile. 

I didn't feel a "ask her on a date" vibe just yet, probably just due to the serious nature of the conversation, but that's fine. I was really planning on gauging how the conversation flowed anyway. It was good conversation though, just a more serious tone. Good for a "get to know you" coffee date. I think we may need another coffee or lunch thing to get some more of the heavy history talk out of the way, then we can proceed. That's my feeling right now. I still have a good vibe, due to texts she's sent, etc., that she is interested, so I will continue at a deliberate, slow and steady pace here. There is no rush. 

I had several things in mind for conversation and didn't need any of them, as it was just natural progression of me talking, then her, and good back and forth. Nice, easy flowing conversation. 

Boring update, I know, but successful coffee date. And she already texted me (she text me first) saying thank you and thanks for listening to her. 
Click to expand...
Hmmm...I wasn't there and don't know how the mind of a divorced woman works, but this sounds an awful like you're setting yourself up to be a friend/someone she can tell her troubles to.  IMHO you need to tread carefully here.

 
money.never.sleeps said:
Bit rude. Whole point is she's 40. Shes seen the magic show as Rod Tidwell would say. And I'm not using her past as a source of topic off bat. Why brimg up a guy shes wanting to forget? I want to ask her about her/present and her wanting to know about me until she brings IT up. But you either have confidence and strike while irons hot or you go into the friend zone... mean if you want to be "he's just my nice neighbor"& watch from the side lines thats fine. Not my style but again I'm a talker/in person type so OP should know what she likes. I didnt sift through all rabble. 

The only.people who don't see this are the people making condescending off topic responses but no sir I dont have down syndrome.  You have a great day and gl OP.. hopefully she has the qualities, personality and life goals that are in the same mold as yourself to go along with the physical attraction.  
Click to expand...
3 likes out of 2,509 posts. Yeah that seems about right for you. Actually it is higher than I expected.

 
Depending on the nature and severity of the baggage, and the fact that she's not divorced yet despite being separated for several years, plus the neighbors / kids stuff -- proceed with extreme caution no matter how cute she is and how "normal" and grounded she seems to be.

 
Coeur de Lion said:
Depending on the nature and severity of the baggage, and the fact that she's not divorced yet despite being separated for several years, plus the neighbors / kids stuff -- proceed with extreme caution no matter how cute she is and how "normal" and grounded she seems to be.
Click to expand...
I'm aware. But not at liberty to share more details. Trust me, though, when I say it makes sense within context. 

 
Coeur de Lion said:
Depending on the nature and severity of the baggage, and the fact that she's not divorced yet despite being separated for several years, plus the neighbors / kids stuff -- proceed with extreme caution no matter how cute she is and how "normal" and grounded she seems to be.
Click to expand...
is it carry on or one of those old Samsonite types of baggage? 

congrats!  you're the brother she never had and can confide in!

-you can help her prep for dates.

-be her maid of honour.

-watch her kids.

-rid her house of gators.

 
NRJ, make sure you are not falling quickly into the friend zone.  The more talks you have like this, the more you are going to become a trusted friend that she can go to.  You need to make it clear that you are not only interested in being her friend to chit chat with or you will become that go to guy for her to "talk with".  Be very carefull here GB. 

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Nathan R. Jessep said:
what do you want? Should I just post her name and address here?? Come on. Are you new here? Not happening. 
Click to expand...
the scary thing here, and i hope i'm wrong, is that someone has probably spent a lot of time analyzing your post history.. found you on facebook.. on zillow, etc.  and knows exactly what you and her look like.

never underestimate ####### people on the internet

t&p

 
NRJ is a double buy on the FBG stock indexes today after a positive coffee update.  He'd be a triple buy with a trial update in the Making a Murderer thread.

 
sbonomo said:
NRJ, make sure you are not falling quickly into the friend zone.  The more talks you have like these the more you are going to become a trusted friend that she can go to.  You need to make it clear that you are not only interested being her friend to chit chat with or you will become that go to guy for her to "talk with".  Be very carefull here GB. 
Click to expand...
Also aware of this. And I had a speech to this end ready to go, but didn't deploy. Time wasn't right just yet. I know you're just reading what I share here, and I do my best to convey what's happening, with feeling, but it still is only text and you don't get the actual vibe just through reading words here. Just believe me when I say I feel there is still a spark. You can just tell by how a person looks at you sometimes. Even I know that. 

 
Ramsay Hunt Experience said:
Please tell me we're not counseling a 40 year old man about the friendzone for Christ's sake.
Click to expand...
:goodposting:

Don't worry about the friend zone. Forty-something women who have two kids full time aren't exactly awash in nice guys with kids, jobs and houses banging down their door. If you do end up there, it's only because you were going to end up there anyway.

 
honky kong said:
:goodposting:

Don't worry about the friend zone. Forty-something women who have two kids full time aren't exactly awash in nice guys with kids, jobs and houses banging down their door. If you do end up there, it's only because you were going to end up there anyway.
Click to expand...
This. Friendzone has always been a nicer way to say "you don't do it for me."

 
I am a very risk averse person. In my dating life I take things pretty slow. However, even I think you have to step out and show a little bit more overt interest. Whether it is a follow up text saying " hey, had a great time talking with you over coffee, I would really like to continue that over dinner" or something like that. She is giving you plenty of signs that she is interested, you need to let her know you would like to take it further than just friends so that she can either say no and stop you, or, God forbid, she can say yes and you guys can move forward into a serious relationship. If you keep going like this, at a certain point she is going to say in her head "he just doesn't seem to want to be more than friends" and take you off her potential dating list. We are all rooting for you and don't want this to happen.

 
honky kong said:
:goodposting:

Don't worry about the friend zone. Forty-something women who have two kids full time aren't exactly awash in nice guys with kids, jobs and houses banging down their door. If you do end up there, it's only because you were going to end up there anyway.
Click to expand...
I disagree. Too many guys that are in the friend zone are the ones holding out hope that the chick will come to her senses and realize how great he is. 

Nothing wrong with the friend zone....if you know that is where you are and where you want to be  

He needs to shoot for friends with benefits zone. Keep it light so it doesn't blow up since she is a neighbour. 

But 100% needs to show her he wants to be more than the friend she discusses her baggage with and someone to go on kid dates with. 

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
She and her ex are not officially divorced for another month or so, but they have been separated for a couple of years,
Click to expand...
Based on this info, slow play definitely is the correct approach here. Been there ... I knew the deal, and there was no doubt the interest was there, but it still was a period of time of taking things slow and walking on eggshells a bit until everything was settled. All is great now!

:hifive:

 
Best friends 4ever!!!!!

You need to start negging her and don't be so accessible via phone for a few days.

Then you will finally lay the tile.

 
Dickie Dunn said:
Based on this info, slow play definitely is the correct approach here. Been there ... I knew the deal, and there was no doubt the interest was there, but it still was a period of time of taking things slow and walking on eggshells a bit until everything was settled. All is great now!

:hifive:
Click to expand...
Exactly. It definitely changes the dynamic a little bit. 

 
eoMMan said:
Best friends 4ever!!!!!

You need to start negging her and don't be so accessible via phone for a few days.

Then you will finally lay the tile.
Click to expand...
:lol: There has been plenty of negging and good-natured trash-talking (on both sides) via text and chit chats, GB, don't worry.  

 
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