Would you Rather fight a Gorilla or a Giraffe? (1 Viewer)

[fruity pebbles]

Who would win in a fight between a gorilla and a giraffe?  I think the giraffe would kick the chit out of the gorilla.  Lions know to keep low to avoid the giraffe kick but a gorilla wouldn't have that as an instinct.

Gorilla would get curb stomped 

 

[Ilov80s]

LOL at the Mr. Ham (and his wine) that thinks he could take down a giraffe by biting it. If a human bit a giraffe, I’m not sure the giraffe would even notice.

 

[fruity pebbles]

LOL at the Mr. Ham (and his wine) that thinks he could take down a giraffe by biting it. If a human bit a giraffe, I’m not sure the giraffe would even notice.

Lion bite...... no problem. Human bite......instant death. 

 

[Ilov80s]

Zero chance of hurting either without a weapon.

 

[SaintsInDome2006]

Gorilla. At least I could try to reason with him.

 

[Galileo]

Gorilla. At least I could try to reason with him.

Bring a mirror and distract him.

 

[Don Hutson]

Gorilla. At least I could try to reason with him.

If you're lucky, it's a female and she's in heat.  Bow chicka wow wow.

 

[SWC]

gorillas gonna whoop my rear end from here to sunday but with a giraffe im gonna give that sucker about 15 flying samasori ninja kicks to the knees and see if i can bring it down like one of those star wars things and at least id have a chance and plan take that to the bank brohans 

 

[Dr. Octopus]

Absolutely! No way I'm taking on either. But if I had to choose, I'm going after the one who eats leaves. 

That being said, I would get my butt kicked by either at my age and out of shapness. 

I don't think age and/or being in or out of shape would really make a difference against a gorilla.

 

[parasaurolophus]

If you're lucky, it's a female and she's in heat.  Bow chicka wow wow.

Male gorillas are, um, small. Female gorilla would swipe right for sure. 

 

[Binky The Doormat]

neither ...but I will fight you for $2

 

[Jules Winnfield]

What about a giraffe that uses guerilla tactics while eating gorilla tic-tacs?

 

[Ilov80s]

I don't think age and/or being in or out of shape would really make a difference against a gorilla.

Right, the the top MMA fighter in peak condition would be disemboweled in about 5 seconds. One of the stations did a Man vs Animal show awhile ago. One of the tests was a 300 pound sumo wrestler doing a tug of war with a 150 pound orangutan. Despite giving up all that weight, the orangutan was able to easily beat the sumo wrestler without even having to stand up. 

 

[Gally]

Gorillas have thumbs which make the fighting much better for them.  They can grab you and toss you around like a rag doll.  Giraffes seem like you could just bob and weave and dance around until they get bored.  Giraffes seem like they would be better against a mob (see vs lions) however against a single opponent may have trouble (think Fezzik).  Easy choice for me is going against the giraffe. 

 

[Leroy Hoard]

gorillas gonna whoop my rear end from here to sunday but with a giraffe im gonna give that sucker about 15 flying samasori ninja kicks to the knees and see if i can bring it down like one of those star wars things and at least id have a chance and plan take that to the bank brohans 

But the gorilla would fit easier into the bank and the bank drive thru.

 

[lakerstan]

I'd have to take a look in the mirror and assess why I am fighting animals.

 

[joffer]

giraffe, not close

 

[Brony]

I have a sweet headlock finishing move and I feel like this would work better against the gorilla. 

 

[CletiusMaximus]

Apologies if its been noted, but the Giraffe v Giraffe fighting videos are among the best animal fighting videos you'll see.  Its not the fighting technique you'd expect - crazy ####.

Here's one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQLPL1qRhn8

 

[Gally]

Apologies if its been noted, but the Giraffe v Giraffe fighting videos are among the best animal fighting videos you'll see.  Its not the fighting technique you'd expect - crazy ####.

Here's one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQLPL1qRhn8

See.  The giraffe just knock themselves out.  Easy.

 

[Angry Beavers]

neither ...but I will fight you for $2

seems aggressive and I am not sure why you want to fight an Angry Beaver, but let's negotiate.. what part of the PPV do I get?

 

[Foosball God]

So avoid the head

 

[Binky The Doormat]

seems aggressive and I am not sure why you want to fight an Angry Beaver, but let's negotiate.. what part of the PPV do I get?

reference

for those that aren't Angry Beaver fans

our family still uses the line, "Bear, I will fight you for $2."

 

[Dr_Zaius]

It is pretty amazing that we're the dominant species when you think about how physically weak humans are. 

Went with giraffe like the vast majority, although I would say if the animal knows it's supposed to fight you, you have no chance against either.  I'm assuming evasive maneuvers would be much more effective against the giraffe.  It's sort of like a bull fighting a mouse - the mouse can't win, but can the bull?

 

[SWC]

gorillas gonna whoop my rear end from here to sunday but with a giraffe im gonna give that sucker about 15 flying samasori ninja kicks to the knees and see if i can bring it down like one of those star wars things and at least id have a chance and plan take that to the bank brohans 

But the gorilla would fit easier into the bank and the bank drive thru.

you only get to go back to the bank if your survive so you ninja the hell out the giraffe and live and that my friend is the law of the jungle take that to the bank 

 

[Deamon]

Easy choice. I am running under the giraffe and punching him in the ####

lol

 

[hooter311]

The craziest facial scar I've ever seen on a man was from a zebra kick to the face.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

The craziest facial scar I've ever seen on a man was from a zebra kick to the face.

To be fair, a lot of refs do suffer constant abuse.

 

[Otis]

This is pretty clear -- shick!, let's go ahead and lock this one down.

 

[zoonation]

"choose the least painful way to die".

 

[-OZ-]

Assuming the giraffe isn’t angry, I’d just hang out with it until it goes to sleep. I’m far less certain of my ability to not piss off the gorilla.

 

[Brunell4MVP]

this isn't close. stay away from the giraffes kicks and you can fight a long fight. The gorilla actually kills a person in 15 seconds.

 

[rockaction]

It is pretty amazing that we're the dominant species when you think about how physically weak humans are.

We discovered how to control fire and then burned everything everywhere we went, including the megafauna once we did so. Before then? We were totally innocuous. Our brains and their massive size -- and the energy needed to maintain their massive size -- proved to be the difference between us and others and molding our environment. Our brains are so big relative to our size that we just outsmarted everybody along the way. Craziness.

 

[rockaction]

Check out the big brain on Brad!

 

[dkp993]

Man vs Animal show awhile ago. One of the tests was a 300 pound sumo wrestler doing a tug of war with a 150 pound orangutan. Despite giving up all that weight, the orangutan was able to easily beat the sumo wrestler without even having to stand up.

Here it is….

Not sure how real this was as it is TV. But the point still stands (oh and the orangutan was a female to boot).

 

[ProstheticRGK]

I would fight neither. I’d use my words, like a big boy.

 

[Jayrod]

List of animals I'm very terrified of running across in the wild:
Sharks
Tigers
Lions
Jaguars
Leopards
Cougars
Elephants
Bears
Rhinos
Moose
Hippos
Gorillas

These are the animals where I have no viable option if they decide to attack me. Without a decent weapon, humans have no chance to fend off any of the above animals, including gorillas.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

Man vs Animal show awhile ago. One of the tests was a 300 pound sumo wrestler doing a tug of war with a 150 pound orangutan. Despite giving up all that weight, the orangutan was able to easily beat the sumo wrestler without even having to stand up.

Here it is….

Not sure how real this was as it is TV. But the point still stands (oh and the orangutan was a female to boot).

Not gonna get those couple minutes back, am I?

 

[parasaurolophus]

Man vs Animal show awhile ago. One of the tests was a 300 pound sumo wrestler doing a tug of war with a 150 pound orangutan. Despite giving up all that weight, the orangutan was able to easily beat the sumo wrestler without even having to stand up.

Here it is….

Not sure how real this was as it is TV. But the point still stands (oh and the orangutan was a female to boot).

Not standing up was only way to win. If you look at the platforms, she had a much bigger lip to push against.

 

[fatness]

It is pretty amazing that we're the dominant species when you think about how physically weak humans are.

And gorillas are starting to notice how weak we are.

Local gorilla says he’ll fight 200 dudes, just say when and where

“Nine years ago this month, my good friend Harambe was murdered by some *****-*** dudes with a gun,” said Kiki, the 20-year-old Silverback through a zoo translator. “And they seriously think 100 dudes could defeat a gorilla like me in hand-to-hand combat? That’s too easy. I could whip the asses of 200 of your best steroid junkie gym bros and not even break a sweat. Just tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”

Some zoologists have attempted to jump in on the conversation and use their years of experience to explain the most likely outcome of a 200 vs 1 fight, but they were promptly told to “just shut the **** up and let this happen.” ........... “I don’t think these people are really all that interested in the science behind this,” said Mary Finch, a zoologist from the San Diego Zoo. “I think they just want to see these dudes get mauled by a 500 pound gorilla. And you know what? Yeah, I think I’d like to see that, too.”

 

[Leroy Hoard]

It is pretty amazing that we're the dominant species when you think about how physically weak humans are.

And gorillas are starting to notice how weak we are.

Local gorilla says he’ll fight 200 dudes, just say when and where

“Nine years ago this month, my good friend Harambe was murdered by some *****-*** dudes with a gun,” said Kiki, the 20-year-old Silverback through a zoo translator. “And they seriously think 100 dudes could defeat a gorilla like me in hand-to-hand combat? That’s too easy. I could whip the asses of 200 of your best steroid junkie gym bros and not even break a sweat. Just tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”

Some zoologists have attempted to jump in on the conversation and use their years of experience to explain the most likely outcome of a 200 vs 1 fight, but they were promptly told to “just shut the **** up and let this happen.” ........... “I don’t think these people are really all that interested in the science behind this,” said Mary Finch, a zoologist from the San Diego Zoo. “I think they just want to see these dudes get mauled by a 500 pound gorilla. And you know what? Yeah, I think I’d like to see that, too.”

If I'm not mistaken this is pretty much the backstory to the Planet of the Apes. And once they acquire guns it's all over for us.