flapgreen
Footballguy
Felt like it
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Vasectomy in the AM... (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter firecrackerfreakshow
- Start date
East Coast Bias
Footballguy
Regular doctor referred me to penis man. I guess you can go straight to penis man if you don't need a referral.
Ned
Footballguy
Both of these were very well done.Don't worry. By the time this is over you would stroll in there, sit down to wait and put your clear cup on the seat next to you, grab a waiting room magazine and him a tune to yourself. My preference would be something from AC/DC. When old Betty asks how long ago, you'll stand up, toss the cup to her and without breaking stride say, "Still warm, Betty. Still warm." As you start to open the door, you glance back at Bety and add, "Had pineapple last night, Bets. Enjoy."So............I dropped off my 'specimen' today. I *THOUGHT* I would just waltz in, knock three times on a secret door, hand off my deposit, and vacate like a guy robbing a bank. That's not what happened at all.
You have 60 minutes to load the cup and get it to the lab. From the moment I dribbled my venom into the plastic jar it felt like one of those movies where I was racing against a bomb timer and every possible obstacle that could stand in my way appeared out of no-where. Knocks on the bathroom door interrupting my solo dance? Check. My daughter wanting me to color with her before leaving the house? Check. Bad traffic? Check.
With 30 minutes to spare, I waltzed into the clinic, asked the front desk where I could drop off my 'sample' and was told to check in with the lab and have a seat. A seat??? Nobody told me about a seat. Certainly not a seat in a crowded waiting room where all eyes seemed to focus in on the clear ziplock bag containing a see-thru cup that wasn't holding much of anything except a small glob of splooge. I think I saw some woman clutch her daughter closer to her as if I was going to start throwing it around like Miggs from Silence of the Lambs.
What made matters worse was this high-strung bald dude who made a scene because he was waiting for TWENTY WHOLE MINUTES to get his blood drawn. Up and down he paced, yelling at the front desk, demanding to speak to - and I'm not making this up - an ombudsman.I thought for years that was just some made up term by Mr. Pickles, but no no, this man repeated his request to speak to an ombudsman who could help advocate on his behalf. He made this commotion right in front of me, so whatever eyes were averted from my cup of goo were now squarely on the agitated man and the poor sonuvabeech behind him holding his jism.
Finally, a large lady emerged from the lab and in a voice that cut through fog said "FORREST!" I stood up, lowered my voice and said "hi, here's my sample", hoping she would pick up on the verbal cue to lower her voice. Oh no, Betty Humpter then blurted out for everybody to hear "WHEN DID YOU DO THE EJACULATION?" Ugh. I whispered out 7:45am and then hauled assssssss out of there. I contemplated kicking over a rope stand and throwing pennies, but I just got in my car and cried a little.
comfortably numb
Footballguy
East Coast Bias
Footballguy
General Malaise
Footballguy
Pain free, huh? Do 10 jumping jacks.
East Coast Bias
Footballguy
That might be painful.
East Coast Bias
Footballguy
Anesthesia wearing off. Not as pain free now.
comfortably numb
Footballguy
AcerFC
Footballguy
whacking? Right now I suppose. They didnt list any restrictions
dickey moe
Fingerpicker
How soon has anyone whacked off after one of these?
Mister CIA
Footballguy
Had mine done nearly 20 years ago, and oddly I've never bothered to peruse this thread. I knew everything was going to be okay from the get-go with my vasectomy; the doctor's name was Dr. Best.
Not sedated, never experienced any pain (only mild swelling and discomfort for a day, maybe two). I would caution that one go into the situation with a well-drained bladder. Had to fight real hard against the pee hard-on while the shaving and snipping was going on. Pretty sure Willie Montanez's baseball stats saved the day.
Not sedated, never experienced any pain (only mild swelling and discomfort for a day, maybe two). I would caution that one go into the situation with a well-drained bladder. Had to fight real hard against the pee hard-on while the shaving and snipping was going on. Pretty sure Willie Montanez's baseball stats saved the day.
Cold Dead Hands
Footballguy
24 hours. Man said to empty it as often as possible.
Buddy Ball 2K3
Footballguy
Had a NO-NEEDLE NO-SCALPEL VASECTOMY done two Fridays ago. The next morning I rolled over asked the wife if we could try out the equipment. She asked if I was crazy and went back to sleep. Being a man, I took thing into my own hands and got the job done. When I told the wife only 11 more ejacks to go before I can get tested, she yelled at me. I had to explain to her that I was a little nervous that things would not be working as usual and just wanted to test the waters.
AAABatteries
Footballguy
Wait - why would she yell at you??
From what I recall I was in enough discomfort that I wait a few days - I don't remember them saying to do anything within 24 hours but they did say do it often. I've mentioned in here before but for a period of time the emission felt different - not necessarily good or bad but different. Maybe it was just my mind making it up but I definitely thought I noticed a difference.
AAABatteries
Footballguy
My recommendation is to 1. be thankful and 2. still take it easy. You'll read stories in this thread where guys said they felt great and overdid things and it made things much worse. If you feel that good then you can probably do just about anything that is non-physical, although sitting at a desk (assuming you do that) for long periods of time probably isn't a good idea if you can help it.
Buddy Ball 2K3
Footballguy
She is a bit of a worrier when it comes to health etc. She felt I should have handled like a delicate flower and taken a week or two off instead of handling it like a one pound hanger steak.
AcerFC
Footballguy
my plan for the day is to play fallout 4 all day
KiddLattimer
Footballguy
DO NOT LET YOUR WIFE KNOW IT'S NOT AS BAD AS YOU THOUGHT. Seriously, kick back, drink some beers and relax.
Seriously though it's not bad... the only issues I had was a mild "kick in the balls 24 hours later" kind of feeling, and I had a bit of a pain just below my stomach on the left side when I stood up after sitting for long periods of time. I guess the nerves from your balls run up to your stomach... fun to find out, but otherwise not that big a deal.
KiddLattimer
Footballguy
East Coast Bias
Footballguy
Mine did. Didn't even have to ask. He offered some for before as well.
AcerFC
Footballguy
All I got was some extra strength Tylenol which I didnt take
Best advice I can give you is to go out and buy a tight fitting jock. How I felt when I wore it vs didnt wear it was light years in difference
Im two and a half weeks out and am now 100%. I think yesterday was the first day I could have said that. No pain, just a feeling that was there, that is now gone
General Malaise
Footballguy
KiddLattimer
Footballguy
This is good advice, it only took me 5 mins in boxers to start feeling uncomfortable. It goes away but don't be in a hurry.
dickey moe
Fingerpicker
That's genius.
the moops
Footballguy
doc told me he put some goodies in my bag full of stuff. script
AcerFC
Footballguy
19 minutes lol
ghostguy123
Footballguy
Easily the smartest post in this thread.
I haven't had it done...........yet..............but if/when I do, the last thing I am going to do is let the wife know if I am doing ok. Want me to run to the store, ok, owwwwww, owwwwww, oww it hurts.
The Duff Man
Footballguy
When I did mine a few years ago, I was really curious what would get someone into that line of work. Working on guys sacks all day....
Then doc told me how many he did a day. My recollection was 7. Maybe it was less. Still...the guy must have been pulling in crazy $.
Not sure if it would be worth it though.
Then doc told me how many he did a day. My recollection was 7. Maybe it was less. Still...the guy must have been pulling in crazy $.
Not sure if it would be worth it though.
KiddLattimer
Footballguy
General Malaise
Footballguy
Soooooooo......this was an interesting exercise. I wasn't sure where to do it because as I've mentioned a time or two, my house is FULL of kids and activity and there's hardly any time to crap in peace let alone jerk it to a science experiment. As I soon learned upon opening this box, there's more to it than simply splooging on litmus tab. I've assembled complex pieces of IKEA furniture with less instructions than this sperm test. Thus, I decided to do it at the office, which meant waiting for everybody to go home, waiting just a while longer to make sure nobody forgot their phone, locking up the doors, making sure our warehouse tenants were gone for the day and praying like hell that the FedEx guy didn't need to drop off a last minute package. You ever try jerking it when you're paranoid? It's like trying to enjoy a cold shower.
Anyhow, I've got the contents laid out in front of me on my desk, the lights are off and after settling on a nice "film", empty my contents into a plastic dish that looks like every jello-shot container I've ever seen. Coincidentally, I am never taking a jello-shot again. Upon release, you are to wait EXACTLY 20 minutes, not more not less. Folks, if you're anything like me, I treat jism like a guy robbing a bank - once the deed is done, I am quickly moving on and leaving the scene of the crime. I couldn't just sit there with it staring at me, so I threw a manila folder over it.
At 20 minutes, you are to stir the sample around with an injector they give you in attempt to separate the clear fluid from the sticky gunk. Then, they ask you to pull the plunger to load up the injector and then carefully shoot it into a bottle of solution, whereupon you are to close the lid, carefully and delicately mix the solution like the world's most fragile cocktail and then after 2 minutes, drop FIVE little drops into the testing strip. Wait 7 minutes and come back to check. One line good, two lines bad.
ONE LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I took a picture, raced home, showed my wife and said "let's hump". She laughed and said, "yeah, I think it's good that your buddy got you a sperm checker from Amazon, but I'd really prefer to hear it from your doctor before letting you anywhere near me".
General Malaise
Footballguy
GOD DDDDDDAMN IT! I dropped a sample off with my doctor last week and forgot to check back with them as I was dealing with some medical issues with my son. I called today to ask and they said I'm still lethal. I have to ejaculate 25+ times and give another sample in 6 weeks. 
Buddy Ball 2K3
Footballguy
25 times and 6 weeks? "Ok Doc, see ya in a week"GOD DDDDDDAMN IT! I dropped a sample off with my doctor last week and forgot to check back with them as I was dealing with some medical issues with my son. I called today to ask and they said I'm still lethal. I have to ejaculate 25+ times and give another sample in 6 weeks.
AcerFC
Footballguy
My wife is an AP biology teacher and a pretty good one. She doesn't understand how we are still "lethal" after it happens as sperm for two days after it is produced and they cut the supply line. Anyone have any answers. Im shuked
My Dr told me I needed to drop off samples 2 and 3 months. I'm making sure to clean the pipes as much as I can
My Dr told me I needed to drop off samples 2 and 3 months. I'm making sure to clean the pipes as much as I can
Cold Dead Hands
Footballguy
It is because they are still finding "dead bodies" so to speak. There is no way for them to know if there isn't a trickle of live ones getting in there and not making it alive to the test, or they are just clingers in the pipes. Only when there is no evidence of troops, not just troop movements, that they are willing to give the all-clear.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Yeah, I'm puzzled. I took the at home test and it was negative, but the doctor said 20% of all men who have a vasectomy will have klingers-on for months. How the hell I have such virile sperm is beyond me. I'm a fat, lazy, out of shape pile of turd burger who smokes all the weed and drinks like a hobo. I don't get it.
offdee
Footballguy
Shows how reliable those home kits are.GOD DDDDDDAMN IT! I dropped a sample off with my doctor last week and forgot to check back with them as I was dealing with some medical issues with my son. I called today to ask and they said I'm still lethal. I have to ejaculate 25+ times and give another sample in 6 weeks.
KiddLattimer
Footballguy
I dropped a similar line at my follow up appointment... took him a minute, he didn't think it was as funny as I did25 times and 6 weeks? "Ok Doc, see ya in a week"GOD DDDDDDAMN IT! I dropped a sample off with my doctor last week and forgot to check back with them as I was dealing with some medical issues with my son. I called today to ask and they said I'm still lethal. I have to ejaculate 25+ times and give another sample in 6 weeks.
flapgreen
Footballguy
Good genes
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