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Having kids after 40? (1 Viewer)

I am 43 and have a 2 year old son and a 1 week old daughter....so far so good but I have a long way to go.   I will tell you it's changed my perspective on staying healthy and in shape....I've always been an active guy but having my kids has made me more motivated in so many ways.  People above saying it's selfish because you may not be here....how is that different from anyone else?  You can be gone tomorrow regardless of age.....while I'm here I will love my kids to death and show them the joys and positives in this life.  Each day gets better and better, wouldn't trade it for anything.  I did everything I've ever really wanted to do through my 30's as of now I have zero regrets......but I'll let you know how it goes when my daughter turns 13.  

 
Just had our 3rd over year ago and I turned 40 at the beginning of this year. We had our son almost 12 years ago and then hit the reset button with our 2nd four years ago. Having the middle one somewhat recently made this last one easier. It can certainly be done and make you happy but I'll be happy when the two younger ones can at least get dressed and use the bathroom themselves. 

 
I've had several friends have kids after 40.  Some close to 50.  But all of those were after divorces.  That's common, and actually has re-energized those guys. They are really into their kids and I think may want to make up for not either being the Dad they wanted to be the first go round or not providing the family structure they envisioned.  

Me - I would never consider it.  We had 3 kids early, 2 years apart.  Love them like crazy.  But I'm looking forward to other things.  Will be the greatest Grandpa ever.  But that's a different job.  I'm tired just thinking about raising a little one.  But to each their own - if you both feel the same way, go for it.  You'll be paying for college when you're in your 60's..Weddings mid-60's early 70's...

 
Ramsay Hunt Experience said:
I was 43 when my son was born.  I'll be 45 when his sibling arrives in May.  I sometimes wonder if it would have easier if I were younger.  It is exhausting and I am in pretty terrible shape right now.  But I've been in pretty terrible shape for most of my adult life with the exceptions being times when I had tons of time to devote to diet and exercise.  I doubt that would have been any different in my 20s. 

My wife's dad was older (he was on his second marriage and already had adult kids).  I know how much she loved him, and I'm looking forward to being similarly endearingly out of the loop as the elderly parent of teenagers. 
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The diet part is hard to fix. It's so damn hard to cook healthy meals all the time when you're already tired and there are so many other things that need to be done. But I have committed myself to hitting the gym and participating in seasonal intramural sports (helps that our gym has a childcare center). I think it's the only thing that keeps me being able to keep up with the physical and mental rigors of parenthood. Highly recommend it. 

 
Judge Smails said:
I've had several friends have kids after 40.  Some close to 50.  But all of those were after divorces.  That's common, and actually has re-energized those guys. They are really into their kids and I think may want to make up for not either being the Dad they wanted to be the first go round or not providing the family structure they envisioned.  

Me - I would never consider it.  We had 3 kids early, 2 years apart.  Love them like crazy.  But I'm looking forward to other things.  Will be the greatest Grandpa ever.  But that's a different job.  I'm tired just thinking about raising a little one.  But to each their own - if you both feel the same way, go for it.  You'll be paying for college when you're in your 60's..Weddings mid-60's early 70's...
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I aint paying for ####

 
pantagrapher said:
The diet part is hard to fix. It's so damn hard to cook healthy meals all the time when you're already tired and there are so many other things that need to be done. But I have committed myself to hitting the gym and participating in seasonal intramural sports (helps that our gym has a childcare center). I think it's the only thing that keeps me being able to keep up with the physical and mental rigors of parenthood. Highly recommend it. 
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I hear you.  Life is busy.  But if there is one thing I can say from experience and observation is just how important serving healthy food is (for you and your kids) with everyone sitting down at the dinner table.  It takes thought and planning.  Doesn't have to be elaborate.   Picking up a rotisserie chicken at Costco works.  A salad and a veggie and you have a meal. The benefits are far above nutrition.  

It saddens me when I see parents with bad food habits pass those on to their kids.  This is another cycle that aware parents can break which could impact generations.

 
I can't speak for everyone else but I think one factor anyone should consider when having a kid at 40+ is that inevitably you aren't going to have the energy and stamina that it takes to raise kids when you get into your late 40's/50's. I had my last at 35 (he just turned 16) and I couldn't imagine trying to have one much later than that as it's hard to do all the stuff I could do with my younger kids when I was 10-15 years younger. Getting old sucks.

 
Cjw_55106 said:
First off, who cares what the seven year old wants....now that that's out of the way, you have to remember, your wife is not 42. I suppose having a kid keeps you young. 
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This

I'm 40 with 4 bio sons and adopting a daughter in the next year.  I'm not worried about 40, we're healthy.  But I do want to retire with the kids out of college before I'm 65 (I originally said 60).  Plenty of people are older with kids now and do fine.  Your wife is at the age when many are having their first. 

 
ROCKET said:
I can't speak for everyone else but I think one factor anyone should consider when having a kid at 40+ is that inevitably you aren't going to have the energy and stamina that it takes to raise kids when you get into your late 40's/50's. I had my last at 35 (he just turned 16) and I couldn't imagine trying to have one much later than that as it's hard to do all the stuff I could do with my younger kids when I was 10-15 years younger. Getting old sucks.
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Depends on your health, but I do agree it's harder to be as active in the playground when your back hurts. 

 
Looking forward to the day when I can see an incredible last minute airfare to Iceland or Slovakia and just buy tickets.  TWO tickets only.

 
ROCKET said:
I can't speak for everyone else but I think one factor anyone should consider when having a kid at 40+ is that inevitably you aren't going to have the energy and stamina that it takes to raise kids when you get into your late 40's/50's. I had my last at 35 (he just turned 16) and I couldn't imagine trying to have one much later than that as it's hard to do all the stuff I could do with my younger kids when I was 10-15 years younger. Getting old sucks.
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That's what the nanny is for

 
Ramsay Hunt Experience said:
I was 43 when my son was born.  I'll be 45 when his sibling arrives in May.  I sometimes wonder if it would have easier if I were younger.  It is exhausting and I am in pretty terrible shape right now.  But I've been in pretty terrible shape for most of my adult life with the exceptions being times when I had tons of time to devote to diet and exercise.  I doubt that would have been any different in my 20s. 

My wife's dad was older (he was on his second marriage and already had adult kids).  I know how much she loved him, and I'm looking forward to being similarly endearingly out of the loop as the elderly parent of teenagers. 
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MAN, HAVE I GOT THE DIET FOR YOU!  

 
Sand said:
Looking forward to the day when I can see an incredible last minute airfare to Iceland or Slovakia and just buy tickets.  TWO tickets only.
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And actually take the trip instead of not even looking because you have no time and traveling with kids makes a "vacation" a joke? :yes: 65 is gonna rock.

If you saw the walking dead "I guess this is our life now", it's a close call. 

 
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I'm 49 and considering adopting two sisters from a former Eastern bloc country.  They are a bit older than normal (22 and 24) so I've been chatting with them on-line and via Skype.  They seem very poor as they hardly ever have any clothes on when we Skype.  Wife is on the fence but I'm hoping to convince her.  

 
elguapo07 said:
I'm 49 and considering adopting two sisters from a former Eastern bloc country.  They are a bit older than normal (22 and 24) so I've been chatting with them on-line and via Skype.  They seem very poor as they hardly ever have any clothes on when we Skype.  Wife is on the fence but I'm hoping to convince her.  




 
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This needs to happen - finally someone with a heart around here.  

 
General Malaise said:
You know who else thought it wasn't such a big deal to have a kid after 40?  This stupid son of a beach.  Guess what happened?  

TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :hot:

Run, dude.....run as far and as fast away as you can.  Now.  Don't look back, just run and keep running until you can't run no more.
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18 days and I will be there, GB.  I am 42.  My wife is 35.

Identical (they think) twin girls!!... 

:censored:   :thumbup:

 
elguapo07 said:
I'm 49 and considering adopting two sisters from a former Eastern bloc country.  They are a bit older than normal (22 and 24) so I've been chatting with them on-line and via Skype.  They seem very poor as they hardly ever have any clothes on when we Skype.  Wife is on the fence but I'm hoping to convince her.  
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Giving back - this is what the FFA is about.  

 
elguapo07 said:
I'm 49 and considering adopting two sisters from a former Eastern bloc country.  They are a bit older than normal (22 and 24) so I've been chatting with them on-line and via Skype.  They seem very poor as they hardly ever have any clothes on when we Skype.  Wife is on the fence but I'm hoping to convince her.  
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Please start a go fund me account with pictures. The FFA would love to help.

 
I'd go for it if your wife is going to do all the work. #### it if you're going to do the equal partner thing.

 
Two boys from my first marriage who are 16 and 21. 2nd wife and I had a little girl two years ago. I was 44 at the time. We've been trying for another, but wife having issues - hopefully this current pregnancy sticks.

If so, I will be 46 when the last kid is born.  I will not lie - the addition of the baby girl when we had been "kid" free for several years was a big shock to the system. The lack of sleep was probably the biggest problem for me. My energy levels are not what they were 20 years ago.  My wife and I had issues for the first six months, but we worked through them. Importantly, both of us have recognized that we still need some life/lives of our own - we've been on a week-long vacation by ourselves (thanks to her parents), we give each other time to do stuff outside of the home, there are times when we realize that one of us just needs a break (go watch a game, grab a drink with friends, whatever) and we take turns.

While I have been tired (its gotten much better the past 8 months)at the same time, I find myself a more attentive and caring Dad. I'm really enjoying slowing things down, appreciating the moments, etc. I did not do that very much when I was younger, which I regret.  My little girl is awesome and so full of energy and life. She really has reinvigorated my life -it's almost like being young again. I'm looking forward to her having a sibling.  The house is just really happy, fun, and feels complete.

No doubt, its not for everyone. I've come to love andappreciate it as an opportunity to add to my life and not view it as a hindrance.

 
msommer said:
Nope, not regretting for a moment not having more than two
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That's great! I knew after 2 I wasn't done. Not even half done. If I had stopped then because that's what other people think I should do, I would have regretted it. I meet far more people who tell me they wished they had one more. 

 
Had our first when I was 36, wife 33. We're gearing up for #2 when I'll be 38 and she'll be almost 35. I'm crossing my fingers that will do it for us. I hear zone parenting is much tougher than man-to-man.

 
I'm 37 and no kids.

Have two nephews 13/8 who I've seen basically every week of their life.  We watch all the classic movies I get a kick out of.  They are jocks.  Go to their games.  Play catch all that jazz.

Then I have two princess nieces 3/1 who I also see all the time.  Who melt me.

I know it's not the same but I'm not sure if what I'm missing out on surpasses the difficulties.  Mainly money, freedom and dread.

You could say my plan is to marry someone much younger then me.  When I'm financially stable and kind of bored with a selfish lifestyle.  Then have kids.

Why did you all have kids?  Did you just meet the woman of your dreams and it just felt natural?  Were you curious what your kids would be like?

Biological drive?  I don't discount this.  I have trouble thinking my line will just die out.  Not that I'm Bruce Jenner by any means.  

 
I just can't stand them before they turn 1 or 2. After that it's gravy. Any way to give them growth hormones or something to speed that part up?

 
pantagrapher said:
The diet part is hard to fix. It's so damn hard to cook healthy meals all the time when you're already tired and there are so many other things that need to be done. But I have committed myself to hitting the gym and participating in seasonal intramural sports (helps that our gym has a childcare center). I think it's the only thing that keeps me being able to keep up with the physical and mental rigors of parenthood. Highly recommend it. 
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Cooking healthy is really not that hard or time consuming.  Like anything else, you just need to set the time aside and get it done.  It seems like have the hard part (exercising) down, eating healthy will round you out really well and help make you feel even better.

 
Otis said:
I just can't stand them before they turn 1 or 2. After that it's gravy. Any way to give them growth hormones or something to speed that part up?
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let's bring this quote back in a few years when the kids (all girls, right?) are tweens and hate you. as vocally as possible.

 
El Floppo said:
let's bring this quote back in a few years when the kids (all girls, right?) are tweens and hate you. as vocally as possible.
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What's all this then? My tweens hated their mother, not me. Granted, I'm great but who says Otis can't be?

 
El Floppo said:
let's bring this quote back in a few years when the kids (all girls, right?) are tweens and hate you. as vocally as possible.
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When do tweens start?  My oldest is up to 10 and still awesome.  I agree with Oats though.  I'd be fine if someone raised my kid for the 1st year.  How is there not a service for this in America of all places?   

 
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