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How many Seinfeldisms are in your repertoire?


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The Kramer

“I sense great vulnerability. A man-child crying out for love. An innocent orphan in the post-modern world.”

“I see a parasite. A sexually depraved miscreant who is seeking only to gratify his basest and most immediate urges.”

"Rowdy and unattractive, yet I detect a nobility of attitude and unwavering loyalty... much like the St. Bernard."

"But note the eyes... he's a creature barely hanging on to existence. Like a cockroach clinging to sewer grate."

"His struggle is man's struggle.  He lifts my spirit."

“He is a loathsome, offensive brute. Yet I can’t look away.”

“He transcends time and space.”

“He sickens me.”

“I love it.”

“Me too.”

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3 hours ago, Jayrok said:

The Kramer

“I sense great vulnerability. A man-child crying out for love. An innocent orphan in the post-modern world.”

“I see a parasite. A sexually depraved miscreant who is seeking only to gratify his basest and most immediate urges.”

"Rowdy and unattractive, yet I detect a nobility of attitude and unwavering loyalty... much like the St. Bernard."

"But note the eyes... he's a creature barely hanging on to existence. Like a cockroach clinging to sewer grate."

"His struggle is man's struggle.  He lifts my spirit."

“He is a loathsome, offensive brute. Yet I can’t look away.”

“He transcends time and space.”

“He sickens me.”

“I love it.”

“Me too.”

and his buttocks are sublime...

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18 hours ago, dkp993 said:

In that vain my all time favorite scene is the episode where Kramer starts a smoking club in his apartment, it’s been going on for a while and Kramer comes into Jerry’s kitchen looking  like a “shriveled up old catcher mit”. The next few lines of interaction are hilarious and Jerry can’t stop with the #### eating grin. Kramer concludes with the “Don’t look at me! I’m hideous!” line.  Seen it 100’s of times and still laugh every time.  

 

18 hours ago, dkp993 said:

100%.  They literally can't get through it.

 

18 hours ago, AAABatteries said:

Watching the outtakes of this and a lot of other scenes is a must for Seinfeld fans.

The Elaine and Frank scene outtake with him saying "You want a piece of me?" is great as well.

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1 hour ago, AAABatteries said:

Not sure if anybody called it out exactly but “what the hell does that mean?” delivered by Frank is one of the funniest damn lines in the history of the show.  I use it often with my crappy delivery.

Now that you say it, sometimes when someone asks what I mean I say, "that means whatever the hell you want it to mean."

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Frank Costanza:

Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So, who's having sex with the hen?

George Costanza:
Why don't we talk about it another time.

Frank Costanza:
But you see my point here? You only hear of a hen, a rooster and a chicken. Something's missing!

Mrs. Ross:
Something's missing all right.

Mr. Ross:
They're all chickens. The rooster has sex with all of them.

Frank Costanza:
That's perverse.

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5 hours ago, Gally said:

But are you below the slash line?  You gotta make it to the dealership.....

I am being serious that the light has been on for 3 days. I only drove 2 of them though. But this morning was one of those and I actually drove to the the dealership for them to put a new seatbelt in as well as perform an oil change. I kinda wish there was something more major so they would have needed to have taken it for a drive.

I can imagine them calling me asking if it is OK for them to add some fuel and my response would have been way Kramer inspired. 

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26 minutes ago, identikit said:

The Parking Garage outtake

 

Even Kramer can't keep it together

i hate you soooo much. i can NEVER stop watching Seinfeld "inside looks" thil they run out of DVD extras. its like finding a bag of kettle chips after taking my CBD sleeper. now i'll be up all nite with mental gumburn. thx ever so.....

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We were at a private soiree last weekend and heard my gf of five months tell the sommelier “Merlot? Never heard of it. DID THEY JUST INVENT IT?”

She’s a keeper.

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I haven't don't this in a while, but this thread is motivating me to dig this out of my shtick closet.

Walk into someone else's house then before anyone says anything: 'Welp, I have gonorrhea.'

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9 hours ago, MAC_32 said:

I haven't don't this in a while, but this thread is motivating me to dig this out of my shtick closet.

Walk into someone else's house then before anyone says anything: 'Welp, I have gonorrhea.'

From the tractor seat? 

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Coworker and I are huge fans of the show and quote stuff all the time.  We are in HR so it’s usually related to some goofy scenario at work.  Examples:  

Serenity Now!  (I use this all the time since I deal with unions at my job.  I even have a button at my work I can press that has Frank Costanza say it for me - and yes, I know, insanity later). 
 

Thats’s gold Jerry gold.  My coworker actually saw Bania in Vegas one year and got a pic with him and had him say that for him.  
 

And you want to be my latex salesman.  
 

Sidler.  We have a coworker that does nothing and that’s been even worse since the pandemic hit so we call him the sidler.  I even gave him a pack of tic tacs one day and he didn’t connect why I was giving those to him.  
 

Giddy up!  
 

Was that wrong?  Was I not supposed to be doing that?  Because I tell ya I’ve got to plead ignorance then...

 

Hoochy Mama

Anytown USA 

I always do the Kramer “why don’t you just tell me what movie you want to see...” when he was trying to be Moviephone.  I usually use that with the wife when she is trying to figure out where to eat or do and isn’t offering any ideas.  
 

Those are just the ones off the top of my head.  I use a bunch from Curb Your Enthusiasm too since the shows are so similar due to Larry David.  

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On 5/25/2021 at 6:57 PM, bostonfred said:

Anyone can take reservations... the hard part is keeping the reservation 

The writing in this show is so brilliant.  This happened to me at a rental car place once too.  I wasn’t as calm as Jerry about it but this scene totally came to mind as I dealt with the situation.  

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I’ve used the uromysatisis excuse on the wife too when I’ve had to piss while driving on a road trip.  Told her I could die if we didn’t get off the road soon.  She even tried googling it to figure out what I was talking about.  

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Posted (edited)

I’ve also had “ a coincidence  is a coincidence there are no large or small coincidences” conversation with people before too.  

Edited by skillz
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When looking for parking spots I always tell the wife I have a foolproof system of going for the best spots first and then going in concentric circles until I find the next best one.  
 

That’s a shame is used a lot by me too.  

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On 5/28/2021 at 7:44 PM, dino259 said:

I had a pony!

I have a friend who is dating a Polish girl.  When she told him once she grew up in Poland he asked her if she had a pony and she looked at him like “WTF are you talking about?”.  Somehow they’re still together years later and he showed her the Seinfeld episode eventually to show her what he was talking about.  

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Posted (edited)

I lied.  A few more:  

 

Look to the cookie.   I use this a lot these days.  
 

If you’re one of us you will take a bite.  
 

That’s a lot of potatoes!  
 

Frankly it sounds made up.

 
It’s all about me, everybody look at me, I am so pretty, love me, want me...

No soup for you!

 

Edited by skillz
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1 hour ago, skillz said:

I always do the Kramer “why don’t you just tell me what movie you want to see...” when he was trying to be Moviephone.  I usually use that with the wife when she is trying to figure out where to eat or do and isn’t offering any ideas.  

:lol:

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“George, we’ve had it with you. Understand? We love you like a son, but even parents have limits.” - Frank

“I’m not the one going to hell.” - Puddy

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